With the baby turning and moving, Hinata was finding it difficult to sleep. She couldn't get comfortable with her womb settling on her organs. With all the turning of both her and the growing fetus, she would just get restless.
Hinata moved again, making a small groan of discomfort. "Are you alright?" She flinched, realizing the Gaara was awake.
"Uhm, yes, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." Hinata tried to settle into the uncomfortable position.
Gaara pushed his head against her shoulder to settle back to sleep. Hinata bit back a sudden rush of tears. She didn't want to go through this alone anymore. She didn't want to hide from him. All this lying would add up, and she knew that at some point, it would be too much, and he may not trust her anymore. She didn't know if what she was doing was right anymore.
Hinata let tears pour down her face and soak her pillow. Maybe it was the hormones, but she felt weak.
Was it selfish to want to share the load with him? Gaara had enough to worry about. After his treatment, then he would have to go back to his position and backlogged work. There was distress coming from Konoha he wasn't informed about yet. The council was cranky and would not make the transition any easier.
Hinata must have made a whimper that she didn't hear. Gaara jerked up, towering over her to see her face, his own startled and full of concern. "You lied." Gaara didn't mean it as an accusation, but it was a true statement, and it cut deep.
"I'm just…" Hinata wiped her face and sat up, not sure what to excuse herself with. Telling him the part of the truth? She was struggling to sleep and was uncomfortable, but it didn't give her a reason to cry.
What did she do? She didn't know what to do anymore.
No matter what she said, it was just piling up to be 'not quite lies,' but he didn't know the difference. Gaara hated when people hid the truth in plain sight, but he usually could see it because he looked for it in everyone. He trusted her, and she was hiding the truth from him.
Gaara shouldn't trust her. Hinata was a horrible wife. How would she be as a mother?
Hinata didn't say anything. She couldn't. She just dissolved into her rising panic. She curled herself up and started balling into her knees. She could take the weight anymore. The world just fell.
Gaara moved forward to wrap himself around her, though he had no idea why.
Gaara held her close, unsure what it was he was meant to do. Hinata never broke down like this. The only time he saw her like this was after she thought he was dead.
Hinata hadn't reported work stress. She took most of her work back in stride like always. She returned to her routine. The only thing he could think of was that she was visiting the Hyuga once or twice a week. She said it was a clan matter and nothing for him to be concerned about, but it was the only thing he could think. Though she still claimed to be somewhat ill, Temari complained about her not going back to training with her because of 'doctor's orders.'
Was she hiding pain? Why would she hide her pain from him?
"Are you hurt? I can call a medic." If she was hurt, he should be getting one immediately. Hinata shook her head. He frowned. Was she not hurt, or did she just not need a medic? He should have been more specific.
Hinata eventually stopped shaking, and her tears flowed. She didn't move.
Gaara lifted back. He had never seen so much fear in her face before. He had never seen her terrified before. This was the face he was expecting for years now but never received. Had he finally done something worthy of her terror? If that was true, why did she let him hold her, or was she just too scared to push him away? Had he been making it worse?
Hinata's voice came out raspy and exhausted. "I'm so sorry." She was apologizing?
"I don't understand." Gaara tried.
"I know." Hinata's voice cracked. "I know you don't understand because I have been lying this entire time, and you don't deserve it, but I was trying to protect you. I didn't want to tell you, and then the worst to happen and then for you to blame yourself even if there was nothing you could do. There is nothing I can do! I've been trying everything, but I can't keep hiding the food I can't eat and getting sick a few hours after dinner and…" She hiccuped. "Going to my appointments without you and lying to Temari…" Hinata listed her supposed sins, but all he could understand was that she hid how sick she was, and she thought he would be upset with her. She was hardly taking a breath, so he waited until she started gasping, thus stopped rambling, to ask a question.
"You're sick?" Gaara hoped he was asking the right question. "How sick?"
Hinata shook her head. "It's not really that I am sick. Well, I guess it would depend on what you consider…."
"I don't understand what you are trying to tell me." Gaara didn't want to push her into another fit.
Hinata reached out for him, fisting her hand into his nightshirt. "Gaara, I'm pregnant."
Gaara stared at her, remembering what the word even meant. "What?"
"I'm about fifteen weeks pregnant. The pregnancy is not going well, and I should be doing much better. I don't know if I will make it to full term, and I didn't want to tell you in case I lost it." Hinata rambled.
"Lost it?" Gaara slowly understood what she was telling him. She was with child. His child. She wasn't scared that it was his. She was afraid it wasn't going to live.
Hinata looked at him, broken like he was going to throw her out of their bedroom at any moment.
Did she think he would not want the child?
No. Hinata was upset. She was lying. She thought he would be angry with her for not telling him.
Gaara didn't understand why she felt the need to hide it. Was that a thing you did when you were pregnant? Was it a symptom?
In all his thoughts, Hinata curled around herself, retracting from him. He reached back out for her.
"Do you think I am angry?" Gaara asked.
"I've been lying, hiding your child from you," Hinata whispered guiltily.
"Why did you?" Gaara wondered.
Hinata stared at him, surprised he asked. Did she think he would just draw a concussion with absolutely no knowledge? He didn't know what was happening. How was he meant to draw any conclusion?
"Well… usually, you don't tell anyone for a few weeks in case you have a miscarriage early on, but you don't usually hide it from the father for so long," Hinata explained. "You were still in treatment, and I didn't want to add stress. But then, by the time you were out, I was having complications, and we still don't know with any good certainty if it will make it to term." She started crying again. "I was told thirty to forty percent chance it will make it full term. That doesn't at all mean that it will survive the birth." Hinata coughed, covering her mouth with both hands. "I just can't take all the weight anymore. I can't keep hiding it when I know you know something is wrong. I've been lying and hiding, and it's not fair to you."
Hinata sniffed, wiping her eyes, and he slid his hands from her shoulders to the sides of her stomach. There was a harder area set in the center. His hands ghosted over it for more moments, then wondered if she was okay with him doing this. He looked up to confirm.
Hinata looked down at his hand with her lips tight and eyes waiting for rejection.
"Why is it so small?" Gaara asked.
Hinata looked confused. "What do you mean?"
"Shouldn't it be larger?" Gaara put his hands out to where he thought it should be to prove his point.
Hinata shook her head. "I'm only fifteen weeks pregnant. That's not even halfway yet."
"So it gets bigger than…" Gaara concluded.
Hinata's face went soft with the drying tear lines streaking her face as she seemed to understand he had no clue how pregnancy works. He understood how it happened and basically how it came out, but the between, no clue.
Hinata's eyes softened from their distress, and she started to giggle. It came out dry, but it was a laugh. "Did you think it just got huge overnight?"
"Not overnight, but does the womb-like expand for the fetus." Gaara pushed his hands to demonstrate again.
Hinata laughed. "It gets bigger around the baby but doesn't grow full size first." At least she wasn't crying anymore.