Title: After All This Time
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 10.7k
Summary: See, you've never really been one for bright ideas. Sure, you're phenomenal at revenge plans and being a total bitch, but when it comes to genuinely decent ideas, you're lacking to say the least. But this one? This one could actually work.
Notes: One of you (sort of) got it! This fic is based off Zac and Miri Make A Porno. But naturally I had to spice it up, even though the original film is pretty graphic and considerably funnier than this version. Enjoy!
/
Silence sets in after you ask your question, and you start to think that maybe you have had a little too much to drink because Brittany and Kurt have returned to staring at you with mouths wider than their eyes.
But you're going to stand by this.
Blaine made it in the adult film industry, and you guess you wanted to be a movie star, so it's not that far away from your dream. It would definitely get you rich if it was good enough, and you know that both your friends don't really have any shame, hold a lot of confidence and both are as promiscuous as you are, so what would the difference be if there was a little red light on at the end of the bed when they're doing it?
They probably wouldn't even notice in the throes of passion and Brittany took film class in school, so she knows the basics of making a movie and you know she made a sex tape with her high school boyfriend years ago after a dare gone wrong at a party. Kurt's known to dabble in a bit of recording as you found out one drunken night when you three were sprawled out on your aparment floor after a night out on the town, and it wouldn't be much diffferent.
You don't get the answer you want though, and you think that if they both burst into laughter, you'd feel better again, because they're looking more and more concerned as the seconds pass. Like they don't know whether to call a local mental institute or just ignore what you said, hoping it was a moment of insanity that will just blow over.
"Santana," Kurt breathes, and it's strange to hear anything other than Satan or an insulting nickname leave his mouth in reference to you, so you know he's not taking your question well. "You can't be serious."
You are though, and Brittany hasn't said anything negative yet, so you're going to convince yourself that it's a good idea.
"Yeah, I'm serious," you confirm and adjust your position, planting both feet on the ground and looking stoic now as you lean your elbows on top of your thighs. "Think about it," you start and reel through your thought processes, trying to pick out the strongest points first. "It's not like any of us have any wealthy relatives dying soon," you point out, mostly looking towards Kurt because he's the only one with a good relationship with his parents.
"All of us are like, prime examples of supreme hotness and have no shame in sleeping around," you sweep down your bodies, gesturing to them because you are all insanely good looking. "And we tick every box in terms of demographic as you're gay," you point to Kurt. "You're bisexual," you point at Brittany. "And I'm a lesbian who's gifted in multiple ways," you shrug and lean back into the couch, finishing off your monologue with a shrug, lips turned down. "Tell me I'm wrong."
You wait to hear it, but this time the silence feels better and your eyes shift to Brittany – who still hasn't spoken – but you can see her eyes narrowing which means she's processing the information. So many people think she's dumb, but she's more perceptive than anyone gives her credit for and it annoys you that anyone can think she's stupid when you can literally feel her crawling inside your brain and reading your thoughts like they were words on paper.
She's understanding it.
You tear your gaze away from her, feeling confident that given a few more minutes, Brittany might agree to this and focus on Kurt, raising your eyebrow as you stare at him and you can see the cogs turning in his mind. You can see the offense from the initial suggestion pass, then the way he goes over your points and you even see him nod at a few of them before he jerks, shaking his head from side to side rapidly and returning back to a shocked expression like he can't believing he was starting to consider it.
"No freaking way," he states, holding his hands up and waving them about. You hate how flamboyant he is all the time. "No way in hell am I'm getting in front of a camera unless it's to sing a Broadway number."
For what feels like the hundredth time, you roll your eyes and glance at the blonde beside you, knowing if she can see your point of view then you can start convincing Kurt – he's had enough to drink that it wouldn't take much – and you see her chewing on her bottom lip, in deep thought. Your eyes dart between hers, willing inside your mind and screaming that she can see you're not being totally lewd about this – and how that it's also a hilarious retaliation to Quinn as she will have slept with a pornstar if you do it which will cause a dent in her reputation – and hold them.
It only takes a few more hesitations before Brittany's smirking, the corners of her lips tugging up and you know you've done it. You know she trusts you enough for this, that even if starring in a porno is going to come with hard judgement, that you'd never make her do anything she'd be uncomfortable with if she agreed. She grabs her beer off the floor, bobbing her head and she begins grinning at you, slumping back down into the couch like you are.
"I'm in," is the only thing she says and you match her grin, knowing you'll have to put some proper thought into this before you start giving details, but you really need Kurt to agree or it'll just be weird starring in a porno with Brittany. It wouldn't help showing everyone that you two really aren't fucking, or anything more than best friends, and you're really relying on Kurt's burning anger towards Blaine to see that he could not just get revenge, but he could get even and join in on your get rich quick scheme.
"What do you say, Lady Hummel?" You ask, more confidently than you did a minute ago because now Brittany's backing you and with her by your side, anything's possible.
Kurt eyes you both for a long moment before you see his resolve break, and it might be the many, many pink cocktails that he's consumed, but he's the one to roll his eyes this time and says, "Okay–Fuck, fine, I'll do it."
You glance at Brittany and grin.
/
The good thing at having a poor relationship with your family, is not only that you have friends instead of family, but that no-one will actually give a shit if they see you in a porno.
Your parents disowned you as a kid, after realising you weren't normal like the other girls, and you got passed pillar to post through various foster homes, getting treated badly – and well in some – but mostly badly overall. It gave you this steel skin, this insane confidence and resilience as you grew older and puberty hit and you turned into an absolute rocket, and you use your traumatic past as fuel to create a better future for yourself.
Which you have now found, and talking about it with Kurt and Brittany the next day feels totally normal which feels good, too.
You're wandering through the local store, all being on a rest day at work and scanning through various equipment that you might need, trading potential titles of films. Kurt's in charge of finding all the tech stuff as it's not your forte, and all three of you have brought a few credit cards each to spread out the cost – hoping it'll be enough – and pick up a few bits, including a camcorder, some lights and a laptop.
You head to the tills, but it's as you're stood in the queue that your conversation is interrupted and you turn slowly, fully about to unleash the wrath of Snixx – your vicious alter ego – when you find a familiar face staring up at you. It's one you haven't seen in years, one you missed at the reunion last night and that's the first question that leaves your mouth as you stare back at the guy sitting in a wheelchair.
"Artie?" Brittany whispers, and you know they had a weird friendship and for a brief stint, she even dated the guy back in high school, but you were never that close with him. "Oh my God!"
You watch as the blonde ducks down and wraps her arms around Artie in an awkwardly angled hug, which he returns with one arm and you look to Kurt, knowing that neither of you were that close with him to you're not really sure how to greet him. Although that gets you thinking that he wasn't there at the reunion, and out of everyone who went to your high school, he was probably one of the better ones, so you'll hold back on the attitude this time. Plus, Brittany would probably pinch you if you said something Santana like.
"Long time no see, Wheels," you say in lieu of a greeting, tipping your head forward towards him. Kurt murmurs a small hello and an awkward smile.
Artie grins, laughing a little and you're glad he doesn't take offense to the nickname. "Nice to see you too, Santana," he replies and Brittany pulls out the hug, resting her palm on his shoulder whilst still looking at him. You're not really enjoying how long she's doing it for, and you always used to feel that way back in Senior year when she dated him, but back then you had a little crush on her and seeing her with a guy in a wheelchair was a metaphorical kick to the crotch. How were you not any better than him? Even if it was insane to be remotely jealous of them, you were. Just a little.
"What are you guys doing here?" He asks. Your eyes shift to the three items you're about to pay for, each of you clutching one and you try to think of an explanation quickly, because you know that Artie went to college after graduation to study film at college and telling a straight up lie won't work here, and he's definitely already eyed up the camera in Kurt's hands because he raises an eyebrow at you. "Making some sort of movie?"
You hear Brittany giggle and flash your eyes to her, trying to make her shut the hell up because when she laughs, you laugh, and you really don't want to admit to someone you used to go to high school with that you're about to make a porno just yet. You haven't even got a title for the film, or even hired anyone either which will make filming incredibly difficult, and having some brief knowledge of Artie, you know he'll ask those questions. This is totally his area of expertise.
"Sort of," you settle on, and it's not a lie, but it's not the truth. "Kind of an... independent thing," you follow, desperately trying not to giggle as Kurt eyes you, Brittany muffling her laughter with her hand. "Probably not that interesting to you."
Artie picks up on the secrecy though, glancing between all three of you. His legs don't work, but that's the only thing that doesn't as his eyes are very much narrowed in on how you're skirting around the answer and trying to deflect him. He grows more and more curious by the second and narrows his eyes. "What's it about?"
Kurt clears his throat, obviously wanting to take the answer and you step aside – literally – and back towards Brittany, knowing that one of you are going to laugh too much and probably increase suspicion. Neither of you really cares if anyone knows in the long run – embarrassment is not an emotion to film if you're about to do an X rated movie – but it seems Kurt does and you'll allow him until you have answers to questions because right now, this is all just a proposal that could still fall through.
It'll only become real when you have a script, a title and decided who's actually going to perform in this porno.
"It's a film that demonstrates openly and in detail the human body and what it can do," Kurt chooses to answer and shit, you're kind of impressed.
That's one way of describing an adult movie and you stifle a laugh, meeting Brittany's eyes who is reacting exactly the same as you. You feel like a naughty school kid.
Artie hesitates on the response though, squinting fiercely and he lifts his hands up from his wheels, folding them over his chest as he studies all three of you and well, Kurt's the only one who isn't giving it away with a stoic expression. You're desperately trying not to laugh, Brittany too and you try to avoid looking her in the eye because she's the friend you can't be around when you're trying not to laugh.
"Are you guys making a porno?" He finally asks and you snap your head around, enjoying the way Kurt's mouth opens and you gotta give it to Artie, he's smart. Kurt's sidestep explanation could've led to several different outcomes that are considerably more science based than sex based, and you're going to feel the wrath of Kurt when you leave this conversation because without you and Brittany sniggering together, Artie probably wouldn't have picked up on it.
"No," Kurt snaps, trying to deflect but you really don't see the point.
"Yeah," you confirm with a cock of your head and Artie stares at you expressionless, before it twists proudly, and you can see the admiration as his eyes skim over all three of you.
"Sounds good," he says and it's the last reaction you were expecting, but if he went to film school then he probably learned to appreciate all different types of cinema. Including the ones that actually don't make it into the big screen because they're inappropriate. Or maybe he's just a pervy little bastard that hides a sock beneath his bed that you could crack in half and has Pornhub favorited on his web browser. "You guys need help?"
It's the second surprising response that's come from Artie, and your eyebrows shoot up to your hairline, much like Kurt and Brittany's, but you remember how geeky this guy was in high school, how he was head of the AV club and well, you can't really refuse an offer like that. You don't know the first step in making a movie, only Googling steps and finding out basic ones on those 'how to' websites with bullet points, and you're sure that the likes of Quentin Tarintino doesn't use bullet points when he's creating a masterpiece.
"I won't do it for free though," he follows up and eyes the equipment in your hands. "I mean, you guys buy all the stuff we need, sets and outfits and whatever, and I'll take a percentage of the profit made from it," he suggests, and you mull over it. His offer is a good one, but his payment is only based on if this is successful and you glance at your friends, wanting to gauge their reaction because this is a shared idea and if it flops, everyone will be let down.
Still though, nothing good ever comes without risk and when you see both your friends nod, agreeing to the terms set out by Artie, you think fuck it. What harm can come from this? You get possibly get laid should you choose to star in it, get filmed, make money and that's it. Blaine did it and he stars in his these types of movies with his husband occasionally which has got to be weird, so you think that doing this with your best friends won't be as strange as that and if they can make it work, so can you guys.
So without further thought, you grin at Kurt, then Brittany, then down to Artie and stick out your hand.
"Deal," you say.
Artie grins at you, looking entirely too excited but grabs the offered palm and shakes.
It's about to get real.
/
You arrange to meet up with everyone at your apartment the next day.
You've been chatting to Brittany whilst at work during the day about potential titles and locations but are yet to come across one that fits. Half your shift was spent with your nose buried into your phone as you Googled different places you could hire out, but there's always a problem like the likelihood of certain venues accepting a bullshit reason for you to hire it without you revealing you're going to be filming an adult movie on their premises.
Apparently, it's inappropriate.
But anyway, Brittany tells you not to worry because you need to make sure you get enough people wanting to star in a budget porno first, prioritising your concerns, and so you push it to the back of your mind. Then later on, after work, you're in your apartment with your friends and Artie, papers and photos strewn across the coffee table, with various notes jotted down around them and you begin voicing said concerns.
"Where are we gonna film it, though?" You ask, glancing towards Artie as he's creative director and producer. Sure, he's being the cameraman through all of this, but he's also taken the reigns on organising the layout and script and you can see him writing down thoughts as they spring to mind. You're glad you ran into him now; you think if you were responsible, you'd be tearing your hair out and all you feel in this moment is excitement.
Kurt shrugs, chewing his lip as he scans over the photos of potential locations, but you can see he's not impressed with any of them. Neither are you, if you're honest, and Brittany's already told you she doesn't think a hotel room stands out much and is super typical, which you can't argue so you're really hoping Artie's going to chime in with an interesting suggestion because you're flat out.
And with no location, there's no movie.
"I mean, we can't exactly use this place," Artie replies, shifting his vision around the room with obvious distaste, his upper lip curling the longer he looks. "I'm not sure that 'crack den porno' will be that popular."
You snarl at him in response, which makes Kurt laugh but then you follow his eyes and take note of the cracked walls and the severe lack of lighting and well, he's got a point. It's not exactly a crack den, but you don't pay your bills because you can't afford to – the main reason you're even doing this whole thing – and it'd probably cost more money to supply the correct lighting than pay those damn final notices, so your apartment with Brittany is off the cards.
"It's not that bad," Brittany defends, and you shoot her a soft smile as she sits beside you. This place is your shared little sanctuary, and you don't care what other people's opinions are because this is the only place where you feel like you're at home.
But you acknowledge the downsides to filming an adult movie in here. Wouldn't be the most inviting scenery.
"I think we need to focus more on the cast, and maybe the location will come to us," Artie interjects, reaching over to take a clipboard off the coffee table. On there, there's a draft of the audition information that you're planning on posting on social media later to entice people. It doesn't say much, just that it's an opportunity that doesn't want to be missed and is especially for strictly people of a legal age.
Oh, and that it's of a pornographic nature.
"Yeah," you agree, knowing this is your part of the whole thing, as you and Brittany volunteered to head up the auditions purely out of excitement. You get to see the naked body which has always fascinated you both, and it'll quell the anxiety of not knowing where you're even going to film the damn thing. First off, you need people to film, and so you bob your head towards Artie, even though you've already verbally agreed. "It might give us some inspiration, if we meet people."
Everyone hums in approval of the idea, and you bare your teeth in a nervous smile as you grin at Brittany, seeing the same hesitation in her eyes. It's like a nervous excited, and you know none of you have put a huge amount of thought into this whole thing – which would be a good idea – but you have this really good feeling in your stomach, convincing you that this might be part of the success.
Except it seems you're so caught up with sharing the nerves with your best friend that you don't notice Artie staring between all of you, eyes narrowed like he's talking to himself in his head and as much as you appreciate being stared at, this is a little weird. It's like you're a foreign language he doesn't speak and he's trying to read you and it's making you feel all sorts of uncomfortable.
"What are you thinking, Abrams?" You ask, and Kurt sits forward, suddenly noticing the look on Artie's face too.
"Oh God, it's not another problem, is it?" Kurt groans, obviously prepared for another hurdle as the lack of location is the first of potentially many.
But Artie shakes his head, instantly dismissing Kurt's question and leans his elbows on his thighs, cocking his head to the side. "How many people are we auditioning for?"
Again, you hadn't thought about it, but you know it's not too many. You don't even know if any of you are going to star in it, or if anyone is actually going to sign up anyway and you just thought it was one of those things you should roll with. You're really not prepared for this.
"Maybe like four?" Kurt answers, and again, you're happy he took the reigns because you ran a blank. "I mean, if we are–"
"You're going to be in it?" Leaves your mouth, sounding as snarky and sarcastic as possible and Brittany glances at you, lips sucked into her mouth like she's trying not to laugh like you are. The image of Kurt in a porn film is hilarious, but you suppose if you feel that way, then maybe he does too and you're definitely less normal than he is with your situation down there and all. That's another thing you're going to have to reveal if you're going to be in it, too, but that's a bridge you're yet to cross as you're not 100% sure just yet.
"Are you two not?" Artie questions, sidestepping your torment which Kurt's glaring at you for, and stares between you and Brittany.
You realise he's talking about both of you, and your body goes still as you think about Brittany volunteering to be in front of the camera. It makes your insides twist, your fists clench because she's beautiful and good and even though you came up with the whole idea in the first place, you're finding it hard to think of her a trashy manner and no pornstar isn't trashy. There's a certain reputation that comes with it, and you want to object but then it'll come across like you're jealous and you're totally not.
It's just a new way of thinking about Brittany and it's hard enough as it is not admiring your best friend in that way already, so to see her in the throes of passion might actually be too much to take. You've seen her mostly naked and that alone is difficult to forget because she's just really fucking hot. She has tight abs and soft skin and curves in all the right places, and you have to put a supreme amount of effort on a daily basis into not thinking about her in that way but if you watched her film a scene in this upcoming movie, you'd literally be forced to watch it and you're not sure how you feel about it.
But that's normal. Like, most people have the same concerns and hold the same protectiveness over their best friend, right?
"I mean, I will if Santana does," Brittany replies and your eyes flash to her again. You think she's on the same brainwave as you, because you can see the hesitation in blue eyes but you've got this and she's right; if she does it, you'll do it.
So, with a bob of your head, you agree. "Yeah, I'm in."
Brittany holds your eyes, a smile gracing her face and you're too busy flashing one back to see the look Kurt and Artie share.
/
Within a couple of days, you've got a whole list of potential actors and actresses to star in your movie.
Some of the names you can't even pronounce, and as brave as it must have been to sign themselves up – it's not like you went through an agent with hopeful potentials – you dismiss them immediately. Kurt doesn't approve of how guys are barely auditioning, but there's still a few and they send over headshots, even though their faces are the last thing the camera is going to be focusing on, and Kurt swiftly changes his tone because most of them are young and fresh.
Which is a nice change for the guy. The last guy Kurt dated was like, fifty and greying and it was totally unbecoming of him.
Anyway, you set up your apartment after sending out appointment emails, shifting all your furniture to the side and setting up a folding table in the far right hand side with a few chairs behind it, so there's a clearing for all people auditioning to stand and do their thing in the centre of the room. Not that you're actually sure what that is, because it's not like they're going to read lines or perform a song or whatever – they're literally going to be fucking in front of a camera if they get the part – and you don't think that's something you can rehearse.
Artie tells you he's got this though, having run hundreds of auditions through college and you want to ask him where his experience with porn comes in and whether Blaine has anything to do with it (just to get a shot in at Kurt) but Brittany must see it from where she's sat between you and grabs your hand beneath the table, squeezing gently. It makes the words slip away, the venom disappearing rapidly, and you roll your eyes, but can't control the way your face lights up when she shoots you a knowing glare, shaking her head.
Okay, fine, you won't do it, but you won't be able to control your face if it reacts and you tell her that with a narrow of your eyes. She just grins back.
There's a knock at the door, interrupting the silent conversation you're sharing with Brittany and you push up from the table, holding your hand out to the rest of other three sat behind it and make your way over, greeting the first audition.
Time to find your film stars.
/
The first guy you see is a total flop.
He's so painfully Jewish that you almost begin lighting the menorah on his entrance, but you still give him the opportunity to spectacularly fuck up and thankfully, Artie interrupts the guy – Jacob – before he undresses, telling him he's just not right for the part. It doesn't go down too well, and out of nowhere, the guy takes out a small camcorder and begins filming you, asking for a preview, as you push him out the door, informing him that you took self-defence as a kid and know how to pop a guy's scrotum with two fingers which makes him scurry off.
Upon throwing the douchebag out on his ass, you come across the second audition down the hall and hear the screech of a chair against the cheap flooring as tall, blonde and fish-lipped appears at the door, looking a little bewildered and confused. Probably because you just kicked someone out of your apartment, and that doesn't exactly paint a less sketchy picture of what you're doing here.
Still, you stand to the side as Kurt hurries over, barging you out the way in the process and shaking the guys hand who introduces himself as Sam. You click your tongue, but take your seat with Brittany, smirking at her and jutting your head towards the two guys by the door so she can enjoy watching Kurt make an idiot of himself. He might as well be humping the poor dude's leg, and you're tempted to make a snarky remark, but you know this is a professional thing and that requires a professional attitude.
Something that's almost unobtainable when you're around Brittany, and in a totally unfamiliar situation. Proven when she giggles and bumps your shoulders together which makes you giggle.
"If you just come this way, Sam, and we'll get started, " Kurt suggests, sweeping his hand out to the large clearing in the middle of the room and Sam grins widely before plodding over to the highlighted spot – marked with an X in tape, by Brittany – as Kurt returns to his seat, eyes never leaving the blonde guy. He adjusts the lapels on his hideous blazer a few too many times, fluffs his hair up and if it wasn't for the way he sprinted over to the door to greet Sam and shoved you aside, you'd be able to tell Kurt fancied the crap out of him by the dribble in the corner of his mouth. There's no way in hell Sam isn't an instant tick on your sheet now, purely because he's cute and Kurt's probably imagining filming a scene with him already.
"Hey guys," Sam greets, waving weakly and he's wearing a hoodie and jeans, but you can tell he's toned. He has wide shoulders, his face isn't bad to look at, but you're more interested in what's beneath the clothes to be honest. He's more than pretty enough to star in your movie and Kurt's grinning like a Cheshire cat, and you're not getting the same creepy vibes you got from the last weirdo so it's all good currently.
"Sam Evans," Kurt reads out, picking up a sheet with the blondes photo clipped to the side of it. There's barely any information bar what Sam emailed them over on his application form, but you can see that he left out his sexual orientation and now you're really interested. He hasn't pinged on your gaydar just yet, but you're more intrigued as his eyes haven't left Brittany since they walked in and if he's in this film, and so is Brittany, then that could possibly mean they'd be coupled up.
"You're 28, moved to the city a few months back from Tennessee, and haven't ever done anything like this," Kurt continues, reading from the page and you clasp your hands on top of the table, leaning forward as you look him up and down.
"I used to be a stripper," Sam interjects, looking proud at the admittance and Kurt bats his eyelashes, obviously thinking about the image of Sam ripping off a pair of chaps to reveal a thong because that's what goes through your head. Except unlike Kurt, it kind of makes you feel sick, but you're going to have to get used to your friends being this open about who they're sexually attracted to so you can come up with a successful script. At least if Sam gets the part, you'll be sure to push him towards a scene with your best gay and away from Brittany.
"Great," Artie takes over the conversation and wheels himself around the table, his eyes flitting to you, then Brittany, then Kurt and you furrow your brows for a minute but then it hits you and you realise you haven't reached this point yet – the naked reveal. "So, um," Artie continues clearing his throat and you feel the awkwardness set in. How are you supposed to ask if this stranger could just get his dick out so you can examine? "Obviously, this is the awkward part," he chuckles out, dryly and Sam just stares blankly, eyes blinking like he doesn't get it and Artie glances back at you before dipping his head at the blonde guy again. "We need to see your… goods."
"Oh," Sam flushes a bright red, but he grins sloppily and shucks off his hoodie, barely taking a breath as he tugs his t-shirt over his back, revealing a set of steel abs that even you go all wide-eyed at. You were right, he is toned. "I'm not embarrassed about my body and I warmed up a little outside," he narrates as he unbuttons his jeans and hooks his thumbs into both boxers and pants, shoving them down until they can fall around his ankles, and then he's there, bare for all to see and your eyes automatically avert to anything else in the room that isn't a penis, stood half-erect. That's what he meant by 'warmed up.' "I'm kind of proud of what I got," he announces smugly, and you look back to his face, seeing the emotion spread across it as he cocks his hands on his hips and stands strongly and confidently.
You're not privy to seeing too many other private parts like that, as you've never slept with a guy (ew) and you've got your very own to stare at, should you want to, but you can't help but notice he's on the larger side and avert your gaze to the rest of the table to gauge reactions. But you don't like what you see for two reasons; one because Kurt's actually drooling this time, a small puddle forming on the table which makes your face twist with disgust, but the second because when you look at Brittany, you see arousal and intrigue in her eyes like she's pleased with how well endowed Sam is.
You're already beginning to dislike this.
"Well," Kurt clears his throat, looking more than flushed and you focus on him because you're starting to get a bitter taste in your mouth, watching how Brittany's still not fucking looking away and you want to turn her head, but you don't know why. It's just weird seeing your best friend stare at someone like that. "I mean, you're obviously gifted," he says breathlessly, like his soul is about to ascend into heaven at the Godly sight. "How are you with reading from a script?"
Sam – who's still looking entirely smug – bobs his head, shrugging his shoulders but it just makes his thing bounce and you have to look away again, this time to Artie who looks like a deer caught in the headlights as he tears his gaze away, noticing what you did. There's a naked dude in your apartment and it's a first for you, and like you said, you're not exactly used to seeing the male body in all its glory.
Although it is quite funny that Artie is basically head height with Sam's crotch, even if he is on the other side of the room.
"I did a few high school shows, back in Tennessee," the blonde guy explains, but then he stops, eyebrows pushing together and he's half wincing as he continues. "How many lines are there in things like this?"
It's a good question, one that none of you have an answer for but you've been on the internet and you've been a teenager, so you know there's not a huge amount of chat in porn and when there is, it's awkward and forced and Sam doesn't exactly seem the actor type. Or the owner of any brain cells. You're super glad he's cute and hung like a horse because you don't think God gave him the gift of intelligence or sense.
"And what is your sexual orientation?" Kurt asks and you turn your head to look down the table at him, seeing his fingers press into the paper, crinkling the sides of it as he eagerly awaits an answer.
"I'm not gay," Sam answers and holds his hand out, but then his eyes flit to the ceiling and he shakes his head. "Well, I've never had sex with a guy," he corrects and Kurt sucks in a sharp gasp, loud enough for you to hear it and you're three seats away. How embarrassing. "But I wouldn't say no to other stuff," he chuckles, and your eyebrows shoot up. He's bold. You kind of like it. "If you close your eyes, it's all the same."
You're not going to agree with the sentiment, but if it makes him feel better then so be it. Plus, that also means that he wouldn't necessarily say no to having a scene with Kurt and that makes you feel a hundred times better already, even if blue eyes are still trailing up and down his body. Whereas last time, you just held it in, noticing Brittany's gazing, this time you nudge her in the arm and manage to gain her attention, wide-eying her as if to ask what she's ogling for still. She's got plenty of time to see Sam naked as he's probably going to be your first actor to hire, but she just studies you for a second before smirking and shrugging simultaneously.
"He's cute," she answers your unspoken question, and you deadpan at her, lips pressed together.
"He could be your brother," you point out, because they're both blonde and attractive and well, you don't like the idea of Brittany slobbering all over the first dude that walked through the door. Kurt's fine, but Brittany's your best friend.
She narrows her eyes at your reply though, jaw clenching slightly and leans in. Your mouth goes dry instantly, the breath catching in your throat when she dips her head and comes closer towards you until you can feel her breath hitting the lower half of your face. You're also registering a smirk on her face, but she's too close to think about anything other than how good she smells. How can someone smell soft? It literally doesn't make sense.
"Are you jealous?" Brittany whispers, but your face drops and you find yourself snorting in immediate response, but she doesn't let you speak before she continues. "Is it 'cos he's packing more than you?" She teases, eyes flitting over to Sam's dick that's still very much out in the open, staring at you all like a one-eyed snake.
This time though, you snort on purpose to avoid showing the shock you feel after her calling you out, and lean away from Brittany, back into your chair, waving her off. "You haven't seen my dick, Britt, how would you know?"
"And who's fault is that?" She fires back, the smirk turning into a playful smile and for the second time in sixty seconds, the breath you take lodges in your throat and you stare wide eyed at her.
But before you can answer, you hear clapping and move your vision to Kurt who's now stood beside Sam, holding his eyes even though you just know he's dying to look down and get an up close and personal view, but there's plenty of time for that.
Sam isn't a creep, he's fully loaded and he's already giving you a dumb vibe, which means directing him will be easy as pie, so you're okay with hiring him, even if you don't know who he'll be sleeping with but you've got at least another eighteen auditions to go through, so you'll deal with your own personal issues later. There are more pressing matters at hand and you shake it off, pushing down the strange burning in your chest and pay attention to Kurt.
"Well, I think we have all we need," he says, clapping his hands together and rocking on to the balls of his feet. "We will be in touch, but it's looking..." He trails off and drops his eyes down to Sam's crotch which makes the blonde cover it up with his hands, eyebrows up by his blonde fringe, hanging over his face. "It's looking good for you," Kurt finally continues and meets Sam's eyes again.
You don't know whether you want to laugh or throw up, but you tick Sam's name on your sheet, watching Brittany and Artie do the same before the blonde guy quickly changes and waves weakly – like he did when he arrived – before disappearing out your front door, thanking you all for seeing him.
"He's a yes," Kurt blurts out the second the door slams shut. You roll your eyes but yeah, Sam is annoyingly cute and packing, so you can't currently pick anything out that's wrong about him.
"Definitely," Brittany follows up and you force yourself not to react because she can do so much better than Sam Evans. Not that you know the guy, but you know Brittany's worth and even an Arabian Prince would have a hard time being enough for her in your eyes, so an ex-stripper who's about to star in your porn film based off a slightly sketchy ad on Craigslist, doesn't even touch the sides.
Still though, you said you'd be professional and you will be. You can't control Brittany and how she feels towards people and you don't want to, and you're going to have to get used to this weird feeling settling in your chest because it won't be long before you see her potentially getting banged on camera. If this is bothering you, then that'll be impossible and so you really need to push it to the back of your mind.
With that thought, you pick up the next sheet with a headshot clipped to it, grabbing Artie's attention who wheels himself over to you and peers over your arm.
"Who we got next?"
Your eyes scan over the name just as there's a knock on the door and you let Brittany get it this time.
/
You've been holding auditions for over three hours now, and you really don't know how the judges on America's Got Talent get through hundreds and hundreds of them because you've literally got to number fifteen and you're flat out. All that's running through your mind is naked people and sex and as much as you usually enjoy thinking about stuff like that, it's kind of exhausting have to constantly think about people in sexual way, but it's the only way you feel like you can judge them.
If they're not sexually alluring, or you can't imagine them being able to fuck on film, then they're an instant no and to one poor Irish guy – who barely looks legal – you actually tell him that. You still manage to hire a few people though.
You've got Sam, the ex-stripper. You then hired Sugar, who was ditzy as hell but kind of pretty and said that her speciality sexually was everything, which you can't really argue because you're totally down with having free reign sexually if you get paired up with her for a scene, and even Artie smiled at you when she announced it. Although you weren't sure he even works down there, but whatever, he liked the look of Sugar and so did you for a potential scene partner.
(Brittany liked Sugar too, more platonically than sexually but did stop rubbing her foot along your calf when you said she was attractive.)
Then you met Spencer, and it was round two for Kurt to drool over someone. The guy waltzed in, looking moody and miserable and didn't make the greatest first impression. He had his hands shoved in his pockets and shoulders squared and you almost sent him out but then Lady Hummel took over. The guy introduced himself, saying he was a postmodern gay who didn't like any cliché flamboyant crap and came across super straight and Artie was the one to approve of him, saying that straight guys being seduced by gays are like, super hot in the world of porn.
You have no idea if that's true, but you'll accept it because Spencer is a straight presenting gay guy and if Artie's right, it'll be raining dollars soon enough.
But anyway, it gets to hour four and your back is aching, you can feel fatigue scratching at your eyelids and Brittany's cuddled up on your shoulder which is just making it harder not to fall asleep. You drink three double strength coffees to keep you awake, nudging at your best friend for her to take a sip so she doesn't fall asleep but when the last audition comes in, you sit up straight, eyes wide and mouth ajar because damn, your type just walked through the door and she's confident as hell and super fucking pretty.
Brittany shoots up, whipping her head from left to right, hands darting out in front of her and you chuckle a little at how startled she is, but then the last woman to audition is strutting into the room, wearing a shin length beige coat that reminds you of a flashers coat. She's got dyed blonde hair, dark roots, a chin dimple and dark eyes you could fall into and you actually find yourself leaning over the damn table to get a closer look.
You gave Kurt crap for dribbling over that Sam guy a few hours back and now you're doing the same, but damn… This girl is fucking gorgeous.
"I'm Dani," she announces, cocking her hip out and resting a hand on it, eying you up and down with a smirk. "What's your name?"
You bring your head back, brows shooting up and you're enjoying the confidence she's giving out. You can't help but grin and receive a swift nudge in the ribs from Brittany, much like you did to her earlier when Sam came in, but you're far too preoccupied with looking Dani up and down and tilting your head to the side in admiration. You know you're supposed to be professional, but if you were in a different place like a bar on a Friday night and she went there, you'd try it on with her.
"Santana," you reply, confidently and nod your head towards the blonde beside you. "This is Brittany. That's Artie," you point to the guy in the wheelchair who's got his mouth wide open, catching flies. "And that's Kurt," you finish on the other guy who looks impressed already. It's the first female he's had this reaction to, and you guess he's vibing with her confidence, too. You reach for the bit of paper that has her details on it, photo attached to the side and drop it the picture to the table. The real version is so much better. "It says here you're 27, have done a few movies before and you're gay as hell."
You see Brittany whip her head around, eyes shooting to the sexual orientation part and notices it's blank, but you just slide your eyes to her and lift a shoulder, conveying it's best to keep silent because you're just doing your thing. You're reading Dani and getting a feel of her, just like she did with Sam and her nostrils flare as she takes that in, eyes turning a steel blue as they return back to the woman in front of the table.
"My sheet says that?" Dani challenges, and you flash her a cheeky grin, arched brow in there too, showing that no, it doesn't say that but you're just calling her out to which you think she's picking up on as she bites down on her bottom lip and narrows her eyes at you.
"Not exactly," you reply and lean back into your chair, eyes finding Artie because he's been leading the awkward naked part and as much satisfaction as you'd get from asking her, you know it's not been your place and you have to play it a little professional. Plus, Brittany's now sitting rigidly in her seat, and you know she's probably feeling the same protectiveness as you did earlier when Sam wandered in with his massive schlong.
"Dani," Artie clears his throat, the name leaving his lips brokenly and you smirk again. You're not the only one attracted to her. "Obviously you know under what pretences you've come here today," he starts and folds his gloved hands in his lap, glancing to Kurt as he's the most appropriate to ask the question due to his sexuality, but you know Kurt well enough to know he's going to enjoy Artie squirming under Dani's stare.
As expected, he does, and you giggle to yourself, noticing the lack of giggling from Brittany. Weird, you usually laugh at the same things together.
"Is this the part where I get naked?" Dani takes over, announcing the question loudly and you shift your gaze to her. There's that confidence again. You're already starting to like the girl.
"Yes, please," Artie squeaks like a little boy, and you'd laugh at how he cowers when Dani begins unbuckling the coat belt wrapped around her waist, but that really grabs your attention and brown eyes flit to focus on the movement, it going in slow motion until the jacket drops to the floor, crumpling into a pile.
Your jaw goes slack, your throat running dry, and you squeeze your thighs together as you shimmy back in your chair, suddenly feeling like the heating is on. Which it isn't – you're still poor and haven't paid the bills – and you pull the fabric of your collar away from your neck as Dani returns to her position before, hands cocked proudly on her hips, revealing her perfect curves and thick thighs.
And well, she's not your usual type – you have a thing for blondes – but she's ticking a lot of boxes you didn't know existed. Not to mention she came here dressed in literally nothing but a coat and if it were a dude, you'd be creeped out, but on a chick… On Dani… That's hot.
"You've got a killer body," Kurt comments, breaking you from your thoughts and you force yourself to look away, finding blue eyes already on you as Brittany glares. You freeze, feeling a little like a deer in the headlights and glance down, guilt thrumming through your chest as you focus on the table top. Oops. You were caught ogling.
"I know," Dani quips, too sweetly considering she's stark naked and bends down quickly, fetching her coat from the floor and shrugging it back on quickly, tying the belt back up and pulling her hair free from where it gets trapped down the back. "So, am I hired?"
You don't answer, instead allowing Artie and Kurt to approve because you can already feel the cold shoulder you're getting from Brittany, and you're sure your reaction was approval enough so voicing it isn't necessary. Luckily, the guys do and tell Dani that they'll be in touch but it's looking positive, and you wait until she's out the door before you turn to Brittany, seeing that Kurt and Artie are scribbling down the final selection of auditions and narrow your eyes when you see her not glaring at you now, like she hasn't been doing it for the past five minutes.
"You okay?" You ask, tentatively, your hand stretching out to touch her on the shoulder.
But she jerks away from it, quickly attempting to cover up the movement by standing from her chair, fingertips pressed to the top of the table as she looks down at you, nodding her head.
"Yeah, I need to pee," she answers, quickly hurrying off down the hallway to the bathroom.
You stare at her retreating form and furrow your eyebrows. That was weird.
/
A little later, Artie and Kurt have left, and you get to work on reorganising the living room, putting the furniture back in place.
After Brittany announced the sudden need for the toilet earlier, she's been sat in her bedroom and she only returns when you're struggling to push the sofa back into place, feet sliding against the floor. It would probably help if you were wearing shoes, but you think it's weird to wear shoes in your own apartment and you've got fluffy socks on, but that isn't helping with the moving of furniture.
"San, wait," Brittany says, gliding into the living room and helping you push the sofa over. It scratches against the floor, and the fucking thing is super heavy because it's like, a thousand years old but it's a good sofa bed and Kurt crashes here all the time. You manage to shove it into place, slumping down on the floor in front of it and turning around to sit with your back against the bottom of it, Brittany mirroring your position as you both catch your breath.
It feels a little awkward, because she got weird earlier after Dani auditioned, but you didn't react in any way that she didn't with Sam and okay, you might have been a bit flirty but that's just you as a person. You flirt with her all the time and she flirts with you, and you're shocked that she didn't verbally flirt with Sam or bat her lashes or whatever because that's her go to move when she wants someone. She did say he was cute and all.
"Thanks," you say a little breathlessly, flashing her a half smile but focus your eyes on your fingers, toying with each other as they dangle between your legs. "Glad we got the auditions over and done with."
Not the smoothest topics, especially because you think the auditions are why she's mad, but you're not mad so she shouldn't be either. You're always going to be protective over her and not want to see her drooling over guys because it's just gross. You've always felt weird when she was hooking up with people, but it's become the norm as you live together and are both super sexually active and you've learned to be content with it. Or at least hide if it makes you feel strange.
"Yeah," she agrees, tilting her head back and stretching her neck out before her eyes flicker down, meeting yours. "Got a little weird though."
You release a sigh, not even realising you were holding one. At least you weren't the only one to notice. "Yeah, what was that?" You ask through an awkward chuckle.
Brittany sucks her lips in and takes a moment, glancing around the apartment before settling on a shrug. "I think it'd be weird for anyone to imagine seeing their best friend having sex," she explains, and you nod along, even though that doesn't feel right. "Let alone actually seeing it and then meeting the people they might do it with."
You think about Sam and Brittany, and it'd be fucking odd to see her going down on him or riding him or whatever the fuck they could do in a freaking porn film, and it makes you feel sick. You squeeze your eyes shut at the image, thinking that you're going to have to be bleaching your brain to get rid of that now you've thought about it and shudder as you push down on the unease forming in your chest. She's your best friend, and she's beautiful and brilliant and you don't want to think about her in a degrading way, or even perceived like it by anyone else.
Still, you guess that's what she means, and it was only when she saw Dani and your obvious attraction to her that she really thought about it, whereas you had three hours to mull over the scenarios your mind pieced together in an evil torment. You'd distracted yourself with studying the plethora of naked bodies that were presented to you and you had a job to do, so you did it and it worked, whereas Dani was the last audition and the most memorable, apparently not just to you so she hasn't had time to process it.
"That's probably it," you confirm with a bob of your head, letting it fall back until your neck can't stretch anymore. You need to go to bed, and maybe pop a couple of painkillers because your head is banging and then you'll be back up at it tomorrow, meeting the newly formed crew at your work. "Well, I'm gonna go to bed," you follow up with, pressing your hands to the floor and pushing yourself up, twisting to peer down at the blonde who stares up at you.
"You coming?" You ask, holding your hand out and blue eyes dart to it, returning to you for a moment as she clasps it and you tug her up with you, stumbling slightly and your chests bump as you steady her, hands dropping down to her hips.
"Sorry," she mutters, biting her lip as she lifts her foot off yours and shoes would've been a good idea because now your toe hurts, but it hurts less when Brittany looks up at you through long lashes and flashes an apologetic smile.
Your fingertips stroke the hot skin between her pants and t-shirt, just because you're usually touchy with her and she's soft but she sucks in a gasp, eyes meeting yours like you just branded her with a hot iron and you drop your hands away, taking a step back. You force a cough, clearing your throat as it feels like something's lodged itself in there and rub the back of your neck, smiling at the ground awkwardly and finding your socks the most interesting thing on to look at. You need to go to bed; it's been a long ass day.
"Goodnight, Britt," you manage to get out, brushing past the blonde and padding down the hallway, but you don't get to close the door before there's a few rapid footsteps, like a hurried walk and Brittany peers round the door frame.
"Hey, San?"
Your suck your lips into your mouth and hold the door handle, leaning your weight on it to seem casual. "What's up?"
Brittany steps inside, holding her hands in front of her and doesn't say anything, just leans in towards you and presses her lips to your cheek, her hand moving to grasp yours and squeeze as she pushes a kiss into your skin. Her lips feel soft, and warm, and you freeze at the sudden movement, unable to find any available oxygen to inhale as she pulls back after a second, hovering close to your face and you literally can't breathe.
You're really trying to, but her eyes are a frightening blue, boring into yours and she's rubbing her thumb over the back of your hand which is also completely distracting.
"We're gonna be okay to do this movie, right?" She whispers, and you weren't expecting it, so you don't have time to control the way your face twists with confusion. "Like, it's not gonna do something weird to us, is it?"
You shake your head to say no, but the word refuses to leave your mouth. You don't know why making a porno with your best friend could go wrong, or why it could complicate things between you two, but you guess she's asking because she's felt the same protectiveness you did as earlier. But when you thought of this whole idea, admittedly not for long, you knew that if it was to leave your mouth as a genuine suggestion, then you'd do everything possible to ensure she was safe. That she wouldn't have to do anything she doesn't want to and so you know that no is the right answer to her question.
Because you wouldn't let anything happen to her, which means you wouldn't let anything happen to your relationship.
"Nothing can come between us, Britt," you finally reply, your voice low and soft in a way that only Brittany ever hears, and she begins smiling, the corners of her lips turning up and you can't resist in mirroring it. She just makes you smile every time she does, and you twist your hand, looping your pinkie with hers and squeezing it gently. "I promise."
She bobs her head, knowing those words aren't said lightly and she leans in again, dropping a kiss to your cheek before spinning and heading across the hall to her room.
It's only then that you can breathe properly.
/
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