Title: After All This Time
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 7.6k
Summary: See, you've never really been one for bright ideas. Sure, you're phenomenal at revenge plans and being a total bitch, but when it comes to genuinely decent ideas, you're lacking to say the least. But this one? This one could actually work.
Notes: Love that one of you said do it anyway! Was hilarious!
/
The effects of the alcohol you had consumed has worn off entirely by the time you're sat on the end of your bed, watching Dani shut the door, taking off her top and saunter over to you, hips swaying purposefully.
Prior to sleeping with Brittany, you'd be drooling and getting a raging hard on at watching a girl look at you with such fire and confidence that you'd barely be able to blink before throwing her on the bed and ravishing her and Dani's doing that right now. She's showing nothing but arousal and lust, and as she said, she has tried the obvious and subtle route before, but you were so up in your own head – like you are now – that you'd completely missed them.
(Or acknowledged them subconsciously, but due to other things blonde and blue eyed, you just missed them.)
When you finally caught on, you said no because you didn't want to, but now you're sitting here, eyes trailing over the smooth skin, you don't feel the same immediate resistance in your chest because that resistance was coming from reasons that involved Brittany and how you thought she'd care.
But she said this was okay.
Brittany fucking said it's okay for Dani to be pushing you back to the bed, climbing over you and kissing your neck in a way that she did last night. She said this is totally fine for Dani to be moaning lowly into your ear and grinding her hips down, your hands curving up bare skin, comparing the softness to other skin. She said it's acceptable for Dani to be slowly unbuttoning your shirt, pushing the sides apart and scratching down your abs, only stopping when her fingertips bump the waistband of your jeans.
And every part of you desperately wants to believe that you can do it. You want to fucking do it. Just throw away your hesitations and the pain of rejection, and just give in and flip Dani over and take the reins.
But you don't think you can.
You're still up in your head. You're still feeling a resistance in your chest, but you know it's dumb and pointless because there's obviously no need to feel this way, but you're not even turned on. Your body just isn't reacting in the way it usually does in these situations which makes it even worse because it's like your body is being loyal to someone that doesn't even want you. Doesn't even care if you're doing this and promoted it if anything, even though you don't know if she could have even said no. Would there be a reason?
You'd probably be embarrassed if it wasn't for the heat prickling at the back of your eyelids as you compare the way Dani's touching every part of your body to the way Brittany did. Even though it was only twice, you remember every second of being with her both times, the memories playing over and over in your head like a movie you can't switch off and your mind runs wild as a tongue flicks against your earlobe and the girl on top of you begins sliding down your body, pulling her head back to meet your eye and smirk with intent the lower she goes.
Her hands stay by your hips, fingers sliding into stroke the sensitive skin beneath the waistband and loops inside, tugging south. It's only a split second before everything becomes very real, what she's about to do shooting into your head like you hadn't even considered it and before her mouth can start being put to use, your mouth opens before you can even stop it.
"Dani, wait."
You don't know why you do it–
No. Scratch that.
You do know why you do it as your hands are on her shoulders, grabbing and pausing the movement and you're exhaling shakily, shaking your head. There's still cold fear icing over in your chest, knowing exactly what she was about to do, but you can't.
If you do this, you're going to feel dirty and wrong and you don't want to feel that way, even if that's on the cards for you now. You're somehow more alert to that than ever, caught in such a life-changing position that you can't deny it and you think it shows on your face because Dani frowns, but gets to her feet and quickly takes a seat beside you, her entire mood changing into deep confusion as her eyes shift left to right, like she's wondering what she did wrong.
But she didn't, and you need her to know that. It's not her fault you led her in here with obvious intention then did a total 180 and are now retracting wanting to hook up.
You don't need that guilt added to emotions running through you.
"Let me explain," you choke out, reaching over to grab her hand and she keeps the same expression but looks at you, biting her lip. "I didn't–I shouldn't–" You stammer over the breath you try to take, eyes falling from hers but this is too much. You're feeling too fucking much in this moment, and you just want to hit the pause button and take a minute for yourself. Except you don't have to do that because Dani squeezes your hand, and you glance up to find her face now twisted with empathy, like she doesn't really understand, but she's beginning to with a softness in dark eyes and you exhale sharply, your shoulders relaxing.
Shit. You didn't know you needed that.
"It's okay," she whispers and sucks her lips into her mouth, unable to hide the disappointment but obviously wanting to understand why it's there and you don't know her, but you appreciate this right now. You didn't think she was going to be like this and in another world, in another universe, you could be friends but it's not going to be appropriate, and you know that already. "Just breathe."
You do as you're told, inhaling deeply through your nose until you feel the corners of your lungs fill with oxygen and the room stops spinning as much. Everything just gets calmer, and you clench your jaw against the stinging ache pinging around your body because you know this is fucked up. You know you might have irrevocably screwed up to the point of no return by coming in here with her, but Dani's not pushing you towards anything and you're feeling a shift inside your mind as you think about how to deal with this situation.
You're not one for doing the right thing, always doing the selfish thing and before a recent epiphany, you didn't care, but this is a life altering moment right here.
This is a perfect example of the shit you used to do and an opportunity to repeat previous poor behaviour, but you don't feel the same. You haven't, since you kissed Brittany on that set in front of everyone else because it was like you finally woke up after being asleep for so long. Everything inside of you came alive and it's like your soul has ascended from your body and is looking over from a bird's eye view, watching someone you don't recognise living your life now because it's doing all the wrong things.
Because you could just throw caution to the wind and follow through with the wrong thing. You could just switch off your mind and get back in your body and let your other brain take control as you've always done, but you just don't want to. There's a super fucking attractive girl throwing herself at you, literally had her hands ready to tug down your pants, about to get on her knees to see to your needs with zero strings attached and you've stopped her.
You've never done that before.
You've never felt like you didn't want to do it before.
Not until now.
"I'm sorry," you breathe, unable to formulate your thoughts into an appropriate response and thank God you did something right and for once almost hooked up with a decent person because Dani reaches down to the floor, sweeping her shirt from it and shrugging it back over her head before twisting to face you side on. Her leg comes up to the bed, bending at the knee and you feel like you're about to sit down with a very casual (if not slightly inappropriate) therapist, but you think it's what you need.
You don't actually know what you need, but you could be doing something else like you always do, so this is progress.
"It's okay," Dani reassures, her mouth smiling but her eyes sad. You need to be the one to reassure now and let her know it's not about her.
"It's not," you shake your head and gulp audibly, eyes dropping down to your unbuttoned shirt and you begin popping the buttons closed on it to cover yourself up. You think she knows you're not going to be hooking up already as she got dressed. "I'm sorry," you say again and glance back up to her, guilt thrumming through you. At least it's not the guilt you thought you'd feel when you came in here. "I just can't do that," you choke out, feeling like the words fit right but you cut the sentence off by biting your tongue. The real reason was about to slip out and you don't want to make her feel like any more of a fool than she does already.
But she doesn't show it if she does feel like that, and tilts her head to the side, an understanding in her eyes now that wasn't there before.
"It's Brittany, isn't it?" She asks, her strain to her voice and despite the spike of fear that pulses through you, you can't deny it. So, you nod slowly, unable to verbally respond and a soft smile tugs at her lips though as she clicks her tongue, rolling her eyes playfully. "I knew it."
You're a little confused. She doesn't look that bothered or surprised, but you guess you know why. She did say to you before propositioning you that she thought Brittany would be an issue. Guess she never considered you would be too, but you've always been better at hiding your emotions than her and you could have gotten away with it.
"I mean, you did walk off when Sam and Brittany kissed."
Oh. Maybe she did know about your supposedly concealed feelings. "What?"
Dani lifts an eyebrow at you, a knowing smirk flashing at you. "I'm not blind or an idiot, Santana," she replies, and you go to apologise because no, you didn't mean that, but she shakes her head, and you swallow the words. "Everyone knows, you know and not just because of that game."
This time, you're the one who's confused. "Everyone knows what?"
"Whatever the hell is going on with you and Brittany… Everyone knows about it," she replies like it's nothing and for like, the tenth time in ten minutes, you freak out. Did Brittany tell everyone? "We all watched that scene and that confirmed the suspicions we already had and some of us have only known you guys a few days," she explains, and you let out a sigh of relief. Okay, Dani doesn't know you slept together after that.
But wait–
"The scene?"
Dani rolls her eyes again and pats the back of your hand, as if you're being the dumb one. Not the first time you've felt like that today. "I only asked Brittany if it was okay to see if you wanted to hook up because I was talking with the others and they told me I'd need to run it past her first because of that scene. Which is why I was talking to them in the first place, to get their say as Kurt and Artie know you better than I do," she explains and you're the one looking from left to right now rapidly, like the rest of the answer is going to spell itself out before the words leave Dani's mouth. What the fuck does she mean?
"Are you an idiot?" She jokes, her neck moving forward like she's looking at someone trying to clean a window by licking it. "Most of us couldn't even watch you guys on set because it felt like we were like, intruding or something," she laughs out and your face drops.
You knew you weren't crazy. Everyone else fucking saw the chemistry and you should've got that from when Holly said it was passionate, but you know it was more than that.
You think your entire life changed because of those fifteen minutes. It's like you've opened your eyes for the first time in years.
"I just thought it was okay to try it on with you because Brittany..." Dani trails off, obviously realising what she's about to say and how it'll make you feel, but she still continues. "Because she said it was," she adds, voice quieter though and the fluttering feeling in your stomach drops heavily, turning cold inside. You almost forgot about that.
Clenching your jaw, you steel yourself and turn your head to look at the other girl properly. You don't want to know, but you're guessing by the way Dani's shifting awkwardly, her eyes flitting to everything else in the room that she knows how you feel, but she also knows what you suspected to be true. Brittany did say it was okay, which can only mean she really doesn't care and probably doesn't harbour the same feelings as you do for her, and that's the hardest pill to swallow.
"Yeah, that kind of sucks," you grit out, dropping your vision to the carpet, not wanting to lose too much face even though you're broken inside. Not wanting to accept facts but they're staring you in the eye, but you can't avoid the truth.
God. You wish Dani was lying, but you just know she isn't. She asked Brittany when Sugar left, the reason she leaned in to whisper and you saw it; you just didn't know what you were seeing at the time when you were staring from across the room, but you saw Brittany look at you. You saw her shrug and you know that's what went down now, and even though there's a logical side of you that's wondering how Brittany could've said no, you're not feeling very logical. It's black and white; she said it was okay for Dani to try and seduce you and that's facts.
"I'm sorry," she whispers and sucks her lips into her mouth, eying you carefully as her hand squeezes at yours, and you're thankful for the gesture because it's a comfort you didn't know you needed. Dani could actually be quite a good friend if you tried to be. You don't have many friends for a reason and she's not holding it against you, which is nice, even if you know it means you need to explain it to her. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
Your eyes shift back to her, and you're nodding before you know it, spilling everything you've kept inside for so long now without a seconds hesitation.
/
It takes a while, but you manage to recall the entirety of your relationship with Brittany, back from the stupid crush you had on her in high school to having sex for the first time yesterday, and then after the time after that, too, which Dani is completely taken aback by, but she just nods and smiles reassuringly and doesn't verbally judge at least. Because of that, you even decide to be truthful about the weird moments after discovering you'd had before sleeping together, like when you got super jealous about Brittany in a candy striper outfit and how you were messing around on the sofa and had a moment, but that doesn't evoke the same reaction.
So, you choose to stop there, swallowing against a thickened throat and wishing you'd brought a drink with you. Your mouth is dry as hell and you could do with the liquid courage. You just got a lot of shit off your chest and that's a lot to process. Especially after the events of this evening.
"Well," Dani breathes, wide eyed and she blows out her cheeks as the silence sets in. You've literally been talking for like, over an hour now. Even when the music from the other room got quieter, you didn't stop, too caught up in emotion and getting everything off your chest that's been weighing you down. "First off, I just wanna say that I've gotta see a picture of you from high school," she teases, and you chuckle through your nose, but it doesn't lift your spirits. "There's no way you can be this hot right now and apparently looked the total opposite less than ten years ago," she smirks, and you force out a low chuckle, but talking about the Brittany situation for this long has worn you out so it doesn't last for long.
"But secondly," Dani says and reaches back over to grab your hand, ducking her head to meet your eyes again but hers are still soft and understanding and right now, she's what you need. A stranger with no biased opinions who can see the overview and judge off that. "I think you're wrong," she bobs her head.
But you don't understand. "About what?"
"You said you don't think she feels the same way," she shrugs but you just narrow your eyes. "I think she does, and she's scared, just like you are."
"Then why would she tell you it was okay for us to hook up?" You throw back, seeing as that's the reason you came in here in the first place. Hearing that Brittany didn't give a shit was like a kick to the crotch whilst someone else spat on your neck, but you know you did that to her in front of Kurt and Artie. Except you took it back and apologised, which she accepted, but it's not like she would do quid-pro-quo and seek out exact revenge. Brittany's not like that. But still, your point still stands. If she felt anything for you, she wouldn't be cool with you taking anyone into your bedroom for the night to hook up.
That literally makes zero sense.
Dani stays silent though, wetting her lips and sucking in her bottom one as she studies you like you can answer that question, but you can't. She can't either by the looks of things and that's why you're here. That's why you don't think that Brittany feels the same way about you that you do for her and as much as you hate it, you've just got to come to terms with it. You can still salvage a friendship through this (hopefully) and so you've got to do what you did back in high school and just forget about your stupid feelings for her.
(Even if they have like, quadrupled since Senior year.)
"I mean, she isn't doing the scene with Sam anymore so that's gotta mean something, right?" Dani tries after a long moment, throwing in a weak lift of her shoulder. "We're not doing ours either, I'm assuming," she adds on through an amused chuckle and rubs the back of her neck, looking disappointed and guilt pangs through you. "But maybe she's doing it for the same reason as you are and what would you have said if Sam asked you if he could hook up with Brittany? You might have said yes."
No, you wouldn't.
You would've told him it wasn't cool, and you weren't okay with it, even though you're super confused and wouldn't have been able to explain why, but that doesn't matter now. What matters is that, yeah, you can see Dani's points, but that doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things.
Sure, you're glad that Brittany decided not to do the scene, and that restores a little faith in you as that's a question you can't answer either – why doesn't she want to do it? – but after seeing her with her tongue down Sam's throat last night, it's hard not to consider that she might want to date the guy and not just fuck him on camera and that's why she cancelled the scene. Maybe she knew it'd hurt your feelings and as your best friend, didn't want to do that. Maybe she wants a little respect if she sees a potential boyfriend in Sam and as much as that fucking sucks, you'll have to just take it.
You'd rather suffer every single day, watching her be with someone else, than lose her out your life completely.
(You think it would take your heart genuinely breaking for you to not want to see her.)
"I still need to tell Artie about ours," you decide to reply, not wanting to try and figure out Brittany as you've been doing that and got nowhere, so it won't help now. Dani nods. She understands and you really appreciate that. "But it doesn't matter about Brittany," you shake your head and exhale shakily, trying to seem like you're regaining some strength. "I just need to focus on getting the rest of this done and sort it out after."
Dani presses her lips into a tight line, frowning. "Are you sure that's the best thing to do?"
No. You're not, but you don't know what else to do. You could screw up everything you've been working for if you decide to handle this situation here and now. You two could argue and you'd be all over the place – even more so than you are now – and it'd disrupt filming no doubt. You can't do that because you wouldn't just be letting yourself down, but all the other people, including Dani and end up in a worse position than when you first started.
They're relying on you and as much as you don't want to go another 24 hours with this space between you and Brittany, you just need to keep it at bay until it's all over.
"Yeah," you finally land on, bobbing your head. She studies you for a long minute, but accepts your answer without anymore fight, and after a beat of silence you get to your feet and turn around, holding out your hand to her. "You wanna get a drink?"
She grins and takes your hand, and you pull her to her feet before heading to the door.
/
When you get back out there, you see why the music was turned down.
Most people in the room have left, leaving Kurt and Artie, splayed out across the sofa and wheelchair, mouths open, catching flies. There are red solo cups everywhere, a thousand little shot glasses too, toilet paper thrown over the lamp and television, and all the furniture is out of place. Basically, the place is a fucking mess.
But that's not what catches your attention the most.
As you wander back into the front room, you become increasingly more aware that yeah, everyone has left, but most importantly, Brittany's not here. Sam's nowhere to been seen either and your mind goes into instant panic mode, but Dani must see it and steps towards you, putting her hand on your lower back, leaning in to whisper in your ear.
"She's probably with Sugar."
Somewhere, you think that's more likely, but because of how you walked out the room and who you walked out the room with, you can't help but think that Brittany might do the same. But you know Sugar was talking about continuing the party down by the lake during spin the bottle, and you weren't going to go anyway. Seeing as Artie's in a wheelchair, and everyone's drunk out their minds, taking him wouldn't be easy nor would it end well either, and Kurt probably just stayed behind with him as a gesture.
(Even though you know it's because he hates getting mud on his Louboutin's.)
"I should be going, too," Dani continues and moves in front of you, smiling softly and dropping your hand after giving it one last squeeze. "We got a long day tomorrow, so I'll take a rain check on the drink," she adds with a light smile, but something changes in her eyes, and it swiftly drops from her face as she takes your hand again, squeezing comfortingly. "I think you should talk to her."
You know it's the right thing to do as it'll be the most difficult, but you know that's the whole point. Out of everything you talked to Dani about, the only thing you knew for sure was that you need to come out of this with Brittany still in your life. You don't know how to function without her as she's literally everywhere in your life – it's freaking built around her – but it feels like you're standing in a house that's burning to the fucking ground and you don't know how to make it out alive.
But you need to.
And the best way to do that is to just straight up apologise to Brittany, clear the air and agree that you need to take it back a couple days to how it was before. Everything was easy back then. Effortless, in fact, and you just want to get back to that. As much as you know inside of you that nothing's the same, and you're going to struggle but you can get over her – you did it before (sort of) – so you'll take pretending if it means you don't lose her.
"I will," you agree, but you're keeping in mind that you've got one more day to film and then it's up to Artie and that's the utmost importance here. "But after all this shit is done."
Dani pinches her lips up at the side. "If that's what you think is best," she replies, softly and blows you a kiss. "See you around, Santana."
You walk her to the door and hold it open as she leaves, waving her down the hallway until she disappears down the stairs. You close it, leaning against the wood and scan your apartment, laughing at the image of Kurt and Artie – their positions are totally unattractive – and snap a few pictures of them before flicking off the music and heading back to your bedroom.
You can tidy the flat, your mind, and everything else out tomorrow.
/
You wake up in the morning with a heavy stomach and a cloudy mind.
You'd like to say it's from the amount of alcohol you consumed last night that's resulted the hangover you're feeling, but you know it's far more emotional than that and lay in bed for an extra five minutes to stare at the ceiling, wondering how the hell you're going to get through today. You didn't hear Brittany come in last night, but you were probably deep in sleep and just didn't notice, but it makes you even more nervous to think about seeing her this morning after the way you left last night.
She thinks you went to hook up with Dani, and okay, you're going to clear the air and all that crap, but you want to straighten out the confusion first about the other things. Even if she doesn't feel the same way as you do, and obviously knows why you went to your bedroom with Dani as she said it was okay – that's still a sore spot – you still want to tell her didn't go through with it. It's what you would do before you slept together, and there's a tiny part of you hoping that she'll be relieved and then it'll make it easier to get back to the way you were.
Soon enough, you know you need to take a shower and get ready for the day, and when you check your phone, you see a message from Holly telling you she's shutting the diner after lunch service that ends at 2pm, to give you a long stretch to film. For that, you're thankful, but it's hard to feel it when all you can notice is the lack of text from Brittany, or even Sugar, seeing as she did last night so why wouldn't she update you on your best friend now?
But anyway, you toss your phone back on the bed and head into the bathroom, quickly showering and keeping as quiet as possible. Kurt and Artie are still here – you saw them from the hallway – but you're going to wake them up by banging some pans for some morning entertainment. You need a pick me up this morning.
You get dressed and leave your hair damp around your shoulders, towel drying it as you wander into the kitchen. You drop the towel to the counter, grabbing two pans and sneak out into the hallway again, sparing a quick glance to Brittany's bedroom door opposite yours and stop for a second. Should you go and knock? Wake her up and just jump straight in with the apology before filming? Dani did say it would be a good idea…
But no. No. If you talk to her know, it might ruin the rest of the day and you can't let the other guys down. A chat probably wouldn't go too well, or it might, but at the risk it doesn't, you decide against it. Plus, you guess waking the two in the front room up with a loud banging might draw her out and so you return to that, heading into the other room and holding the pans out above the sofa, smirking to yourself before clanging them loudly.
It has the desired effect, Kurt rolling off the sofa and Artie jolting upright on the other one, glasses skewed on his face, and you laugh lightly as they both scowl at you fiercely, holding their ears and groaning in unison.
"Dick move," Kurt snipes from the floor, twisting around and he's a sight for sore eyes, and you know it was but you like annoying him and set the pans down on the back of the sofa, whipping out your phone quickly, pretending like you're taking a picture. "God, stop… You're such an asshole," he struggles, but clambers back up on the couch, burying his face into the cushions so you can't do it.
"You need to get your shit together," you retort and fold your arms over your chest, eying Artie as he's less aggressive after a drunken night. "Both of you. Holly's shutting the diner early."
Artie screws his face up and reaches up to shift his glasses back into place. "She is?"
"Yeah, so get your ass up," you swipe down at his arm, knocking it from his face. "Or like, on to your chair or whatever," you correct, eying the discarded wheelchair beside him. You don't know how he got on to the couch, but you don't care. All you care about is whether either of them saw Brittany come in, as you'd like to gauge how bad her hangover is, or her mood, before saying hello. "Have you seen Britt?"
Kurt's the one to answer, but not before grunting as he rolls on to his back, propping himself up on his elbows to look at you. "You haven't checked if she's in her room?"
You shake your head, narrowing your eyes and for some reason, you don't like his answer. "You didn't wake up when she came in?"
"I didn't hear anything," he answers with the corners of his mouth pulled down, his eyes shifting to Artie. "Did you?"
Artie shrugs. "No, but I had a whole bottle of tequila last night," he replies, wincing as the words leave his mouth. "Speaking of which, can someone take me to throw up?"
It makes you feel a little better – there was a lot of liquor consumed under this roof – but there's still something not settling well in your stomach. Kurt threw most of his shots in your damn plant, if you remember correctly, and so you chew the inside of your cheek as you peer back down the hallway towards Brittany's room. You haven't heard her, and apparently she didn't hear the clang of the pans that you kindly delivered as a wake-up call to the boys, but she's never that heavy of a sleeper.
"Just go and knock," Kurt grunts out, waving his hand towards the hallway, and it's stupid that you don't want to because you're making it worse for yourself, but you still do as you're told and pad towards the door, feeling like it's ten times bigger than usual as you try to be as casual as possible and rap on the wood three times.
You wait a couple seconds, cocking your head to the side and moving it closer to see if you can hear, but when there's nothing on the other side, you twist the handle and peek your head in. Your eyes immediately fall to the empty bed, the one that's not been slept in and the heaviness in your stomach twists. She's not here, and obviously didn't come back after going to the lake, and you don't know if that's a good or a bad thing.
Probably bad, and probably because of you as that's the theme of things recently, so you choose not to punish yourself further and close the door again, returning back to the front room. Kurt eyes you instantly, brows furrowing together, and Artie looks too, but he's not as good as getting a read on your emotions as the other guy is, so you look down to the floor. Now isn't the time for either of them to pick at your mood considering you've got a big day ahead, and so you put on a fake smile and exhale shakily as you speak.
"She'll probably meet us at the diner," you settle on, trying to spell out that Brittany's not in her room without reacting to visibly. "Get up and I'll make the coffee," you start walking away but pause and throw a look over your shoulder. "And don't vomit in my front room or I'll make you lick it up," you say to Artie wrinkles his face in disgust.
They seem to buy it though, or just don't want to press and you twist around, heading straight for the kitchen without another word, hiding the tears that threaten to fall.
/
You're pouring the second of three cups of coffee when you're disturbed.
Kurt leans against the doorway, looking more put together than five minutes ago and studies you with narrowed eyes but stays silent. Your vision slides to him briefly, flitting back to the steaming coffee you're pouring, deciding as much as you want to ask why he's just looking at you, you like having skin on the back of your hands. Well, that and you don't really know what to say and when you left the room you were borderline tears and clearly disappointed. You know he knows something's up – you'd have to be dumb as a bag of wet hair not to pick up on it – but he's bold enough to bring it up, unlike Artie who would ignore it.
Which, as expected, he does.
"Wanna tell me what happened last night?"
You know he's going straight for the jugular, never wanting to beat around the bush with you. The last time you were caught in the kitchen with him, he was asking about the elephant in the room. The elephant that you now can't deny after all the events that occurred last night and as much as you don't want to do this, you need to act like you aren't bothered. You've always been good at pretending and it shouldn't be any different now.
"Nothing happened."
"Bullshit," he calls immediately, pushing off the doorway and coming to the counter beside you, leaning against it backwards to eye you from the side. "Didn't you get with Dani?"
Whoa. Okay. You expected him to be bold, but not that fucking bold.
"How is that any of your damn business?" You hiss back, moving on to the third cup of coffee and start pouring, eyes focused on that as you'd prefer to start the day with caffeine, not an argument. "But no," you add on and shrug your shoulders, clenching your jaw and trying to seem as chill as possible. You didn't quite think of a way of explaining that to anyone but Brittany, because with her you wouldn't have to do it verbally. "We just talked."
Kurt wrinkles his nose up, looking doubtful. "You went into your bedroom to talk?"
"Yes," you look to him as you reply, sensing the heavy doubt in his tone. "Why is that so unbelievable?"
He doesn't answer for a minute, frowning further the longer he stares you up and down, as if he's trying to search for a lie but you aren't lying. You didn't sleep with Dani, so you don't get the lingering and it irks you. You know you have a reputation, but people are capable of change and even if it's only been a few days since everything was thrown up in the air, but you haven't been acting normally. The old you would've sought out several of your cast members overnight company, but here you are, lusting after someone who doesn't care who you sleep with.
Ouch.
"Britt said Dani was gonna ask you if you wanted to hook up," he finally answers, and you stop breathing. "Which wasn't much of a surprise after Dani asked us if we thought it was a good idea," he adds on, shrugging. "Except we didn't think it'd go the way it did."
But you're just frozen. You didn't think Brittany would tell anyone, but after you left the party to have your own one in the bedroom, questions were bound to be flying about the room if everyone had already spoken about it. That kind of makes it easier, as you don't have to think on the spot for a way out of this topic, but it also means that she was super chill about discussing it which means your overthinking may not be overthinking after all.
Maybe she really doesn't care.
"Yeah, well, we didn't," you finish up pouring the coffee and set the kettle back on to its rest, turning around to quirk an eyebrow. "Just decided we weren't going to do our scene."
Kurt narrows his eyes further. "Because you were going to do it without the cameras?"
Irritation burns through you, and you scoff, rolling your eyes as obviously as possible as you grab two of the coffee mugs and nudge him to grab the other. He does, and you wander back into the living room to find Artie lifting himself back into his chair before adjusting his glasses to look at you both. You should probably include him in the discussion, as it'll effect the script, and so you can continue this with him, handing him one of the coffees in your hand and sitting down on the armchair, sipping it before you turn your attention back to Kurt.
"We didn't have sex or do anything, so no and it'll stay that way," you finally retort and grasp the cup between your hands, enjoying the warmth on your palms. It's the only thing comforting you and preventing you from breaking down into tears or lashing out. This is still a sore subject, and you'd really like to not elongate it. It's already gone ten and you want to go over a few bits – maybe even wait for Brittany to come home – before you head on over to the diner.
"You didn't?"
It's Artie, and you slide your eyes to him, shaking your head. "No," you grunt, the irritation growing. "Why is everyone assuming that?"
"Because you went into your bedroom with her?" Kurt replies, like you're not seeing the blatant reasoning but so what if you did? Doesn't mean you had to have sex.
Which is the attitude you carry as you glare at Kurt. "So?"
Kurt doesn't answer, just snaps his mouth shut and stares at you for a long moment but you don't drop the eye contact, holding it strongly because you're an open book right now and you're really not lying.
It doesn't go on for too long, as Artie clears his throat and your attention is pulled to him. He looks equally as confused as he glances to the other guy like he's checking in with a lie detector machine to see if there's any questionable results, but that just pisses you off. Why does everyone feel entitled to talk about you behind your back nowadays?
"Are you both satisfied?" You finally break the silence, face expectant as your eyes flit between them, except instead of a stern nod which is what you're praying for, Artie begins talking again.
"But Brittany said–"
"She's not my keeper," you snap, your voice low and harsh and Artie's eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, Kurt's doing the same as his sentence trails off, unfinished. There's a heat beneath your skin that wasn't there before and it's stemming from their constant butchering about last night and the mention of Brittany's name. Someone that isn't here, hasn't slept here, and frankly, you don't want to think about right now. "And it's got nothing to do with her–" It's a lie, but they can't tell. "–But I'm not doing the scene with Dani, and this is just business, so we need to focus on that instead of everything else," you continue and you know it's more for your own benefit than their own.
Artie's frowning for a whole other reason now, spluttering on the sip of coffee he takes. "You're not doing the scene?"
You just shrug. "No," you say and set your coffee down on the table, reaching for the laptop in Artie's saddlebag, pulling it out the pocket as he looks to Kurt with intrigue, but Kurt doesn't know any more than him so just flashes him an unsure lift of his shoulder. You really don't need them talking about you whilst you're right in front of them, and you flip open the laptop, pushing a little too hard on the power button and return a glare to both of the guys. "So can we just finish up the script for today? We need to rewrite it if the scene isn't going ahead."
The other two share a look, clearly not understanding why you're suddenly so focused on getting the script done but they don't push it anymore.
For that, you're glad.
/
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