Title: After All This Time
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 9.2k
Summary: See, you've never really been one for bright ideas. Sure, you're phenomenal at revenge plans and being a total bitch, but when it comes to genuinely decent ideas, you're lacking to say the least. But this one? This one could actually work.
Notes: Sorry to hear some of you think Santana's the same in every story I write. It is from her POV and my interpretation of her, but I feel like this one is different and hopefully, you'll see that. Enjoy!
/
You don't get that groggy feeling that you usually do when you wake up, but even if it comes, you're far too distracted with the memories of last night rushing back to you by the time you take your first breath, and you have to look to the other side of the bed, side of your face pressed into the pillow, to confirm that everything wasn't a dream.
But nope.
It wasn't a very elaborate dream that will stick in your mind for weeks to come because Brittany's lying beside you, sound asleep and looking achingly beautiful and you inhale sharply through your nose, thinking over the conversation that led her to kiss you.
You don't really know what happened last night.
You don't really know how you went from trying to turn down the damn volume on the computer to fucking Brittany on the desk, but you guess it doesn't matter because it's done now. You've slept together for the third time, except this time it feels like both your cards are on the table and you're both showing hearts and as much as you want to sit here and continue staring at her whilst she's sleeping – you could do it for hours – you know that she has this like, sixth sense towards you and will probably wake up soon and you don't want to talk about those cards just yet.
You feel like you've let yourself down by sleeping with her and not standing your ground.
Plus, you already showed her yours three months ago, and she still walked away from them, so you're a little reluctant to wait to see what she has to say. Yesterday, you told her that she's never just been your best friend, and sure, she kissed you, but you still haven't heard anything about her feelings, even if you think the actions that followed should've shown you because this doesn't mean anything will change.
This doesn't mean that you're going to have a sudden epiphany and pack your shit up (again) and move back to the place you used to call home. You've still got a life in another city and the shit that went down when you left in the first place, is still very much there and regardless of her breathing that she missed you against your mouth whilst you were pounding into her, it won't change anything.
She should've realised she was going to miss you before that and not after you've been gone for three months and the longer you stare at her, the more you realise how much you want to just fast forward time and get on that plane and leave everything behind again without a word. Even though you also want nothing more than to stay here and live in blissful ignorance, staring at her and soaking up all the things you've been missing for the past three months..
God. You need to get out of here and clear your head. You've never been able to think straight around her and you need to talk it out with someone.
You sit up, careful not to move too much on the sofa bed and wake Brittany up, body moving on automatic, picking up your clothes and stepping into them, tidying your hair into a ponytail before grabbing your phone and heading upstairs. No-one's around, which makes it far easier to continue sneaking around and you're glad Nancy isn't up as she might ask why Brittany didn't leave last night and that'll bring a whole lot of embarrassment when your face inevitably reveals she stayed overnight, which Nancy would probably assume meant you two had sex.
(Even though that'd be totally accurate.)
(And if you hear it out loud, with the current state you're in, you might have a nervous breakdown.)
You shoot a quick text to two people, knowing you can heavily rely on them, and they might be able to give you some clarity – even after radio silence for a while – and shuck your boots on, pulling the front door shut as you head out into the cool air.
/
You're at the diner within fifteen minutes.
You walked around a little longer than you should've done, hoping the clean air was going to bring some clarity to your muddled thoughts, but it hasn't. If anything, you've overthought everything more and fallen back into bad habits, assuming what last night meant instead of just finding out for yourself. Not to mention you're still overly pissed at yourself for just giving in so easily. You're Santana Lopez. You don't let anyone walk all over you, but with Brittany, you just lay down like a damn carpet.
You know you shouldn't be here though, about to talk to two people who don't know everything about yours and Brittany's relationships, and should be back in Artie's basement instead, but these two have always been blunt and helpful and fish examples from their past to help you with your current issues and you're fucking scared, if you're honest to think of what you should be doing instead.
You're scared that Brittany might wake up and freeze on you, tell you it meant nothing like she did the last time, and you'd be drawn back emotionally three months ago where you were moping about, all heartbroken and crap. You're in fear you'll release the bitch inside and say shit you don't mean, just to hurt her because she hurt you. You're downright terrified that it'll somehow get worse, with your vicious tongue and festering fury towards her, even though it'd be warranted.
Pushing the doors open, you breeze inside and take off your jacket, spying the two people in the corner booth, already sat down with coffee cups between their hands, snapping their vision up to see you wander over to them. You smile, hesitantly, not really sure how to explain this isn't like a mega emergency as your text probably came across like that, but you know it's important enough to warrant a morning meeting at the diner, after you left so swiftly last night from Sugar's new club.
"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" Kurt quips as you slide in beside him, stealing the coffee cup from between his hands and taking a slurp.
You know you're not dressed up like you usually are, forgoing the need for redoing your make-up in favour for just getting the hell out of Artie's house but you've looked worse. Although when you scowl at him, you don't think he's commenting on what you're wearing, but more of how dark the bags are under your eyes and your emotional state. It's not like you got much sleep last night and it's written across your face as you twist your features up at him.
"Shut up, Lady Boy," you snap and shift your eyes to Holly. "Hey, Holly."
Holly winks at you and hums as she takes a sip of her coffee. "Hey, gorgeous," she follows, quickly. "You look tired."
It's just backs up what Kurt said, and you know he's still studying you like he's trying to figure it out for himself, but you came here for a reason and well, fuck it. Might as well start strong and honest, seeing as you can't exactly hide that you're exhausted and not just physically. You know Kurt is easy to bypass with a quick spit of venom, but Holly's going to push if you don't just come out with it and you don't have the energy for that either.
"I slept with Brittany last night."
Two audible gasps come from them, Kurt leaning forward and tilting his head like he didn't hear you right, but Holly definitely did, and she lifts her chin, like she's processing the information but stays silent. However, it's more the lack of shock in their expressions after that initial second, that grabs your attention because you're sure it should come as a surprise, but neither of them flinch or continue gasping. Kurt doesn't even do his overdramatic thing and grasp at his chest, totally caught off guard with the information and carry on for a few minutes breathless like he's had the scare of his life.
It's a little irritating.
"I knew she was lying," Kurt finally speaks and you're the one who's shocked, by their lack of it, blinking rapidly at the both of them.
"Lying?"
"Brittany said she was going home because she had a headache," he explains, and you don't know if it's true – you weren't there – but it'd make sense that she had to explain with a lie, why she was leaving so quickly after you. It just bothers you now that she didn't the truth because why not? Seems a bit pointless to pretend like she wasn't coming after you a few minutes after you left but it does make you have to resist a smile, as that was the same excuse you gave Nancy when you got back there last night. Three months apart and you're still similar minded.
"About three minutes after you walked out suddenly, which by the way–" He leans forward and sets his hand over yours again. "That's getting rude now."
You roll your eyes but smile sheepishly at him because you are sorry. The first time you walked out without saying goodbye, you disappeared for three months, and last night you barely even explained to Artie what your plans were before you were bolting out of there again without a word to anyone else and that could've been for the same amount of time, too. It wasn't, and you're impressed as that return flight was flexible and you probably could've called the airline to change it, but you didn't want to run away last night. You just needed space.
"What are you going to do?" Holly pipes up, stealing your vision and you suck in your lips, shrugging at her but still grasping Kurt's coffee in your hands, focusing on spinning the cup around. "Aren't you going home tonight?"
You nod your head. It's the only thing you are sure of. "Yeah, I mean… What else would I stick around here for if the movie is done?"
"You can't go back," Kurt interjects and your eyes flash to him. He's frowning, but he looks disappointed that you'd leave so soon, but he must have known this was a fleeting visit.
So, you try and back yourself up. "My life is there, Kurt," you shrug and it's strange to hear his name leave your mouth and not replaced with an insult, but you don't hover over it, even when he blinks, surprised for the second time in two minutes. "I have an apartment and a job and friends… I can't just leave it all."
Holly pinches her lips up at the side, obviously wanting to argue but the good thing about her is she understands why people need to be selfish sometimes. Having worked with her for so long, you gained a friendship and during the few times you snuck out into the back alley for a smoke with her, you shared parts of your lives. She never seemed to judge, so you know you made a good choice from inviting her here as she can be the comfort of going, whilst Kurt will undoubtedly by the other voice in your head, screaming at you to stay.
You think that's why you chose these two to talk to about it. It's like the angel and the devil.
"You did it once before," Kurt points out and you can't help but glare at him. That was a low blow. "I'm not trying to be an asshole by saying that," he tries, and you continue the glare, but you soften when you see his eyes plead with you and him lift a shoulder. "Leaving there can't be any harder than when you left home, so why not?"
You flinch at the word home, because to you, that's not a place. It's two eyes and a heartbeat.
"I know and you're right, I guess," you reply and bob your head, finding logic in his words because he's got a point. Nothing will ever be as difficult as the night you left Lima… It almost tore you apart and it took everything you had to keep driving on that interstate, but just to pack up and come back would be… Too easy. It would be like returning home after a long vacation and you don't want to give into that, if you can't hold back on anything else. "But where would I even go? I'm not lying… My life is there now."
Kurt doesn't answer, lips pressing into a tight line and a deep frown etched between his brows, but it's Holly that answers you and you breathe a sigh of relief before you even hear her words. You've got a point that only she can respond to, and she gets why you had to leave even if you never explained it to her. She always just understood you.
"I mean, I'm looking for a manager if you need some quick cash," Holly offers, and you smile at her gratefully. "Got a spare room at my place you could bunk in until you find your own, too."
It's a good offer, and one you might consider in a different mindset, but you know after last night you can't do that. Staying here would make everything more difficult and maybe if you hadn't slept with Brittany, you could take it seriously. Sugar could probably use your expertise in her new club as it runs as strange parallel to the one you work in back in the city, after you take up Holly's job offer for a while first to get back on your feet, and she apparently has a place you could stay for a while, too…
But that'd just be taking three steps back.
You'd literally be rewinding in time, maybe in a slightly healthier place as you wouldn't have to wake up in the same apartment as someone you're madly in love with who doesn't love you back or does or whatever the fuck is going on, but you'd still see her. She'd still be a constant reminder and when you were here before, you didn't want to be just friends with her after discovering the real connection and chemistry you share. Now though, you almost want to just be friends with her again, nothing else, because obviously sleeping together hasn't made you know what you want.
Or her, for that matter. You have no idea what she wants.
All you know is that you've missed her more than you can imagine, and you know she missed you because she told you whilst you were having sex, but you've got a stubborn resistance inside of you that's saying you wouldn't even be considering moving back if it wasn't for last night because you don't think you can be just friends. Not after the third freaking time, after three months apart.
And that just makes you feel like you did those three months ago, like a fucking fool.
"Going to New York was fulfilling a dream," you sigh out after a long moment, stealing a glance at the two staring back at you. "I can't just give a dream up."
You know you can – you gave a dream up when you got in your piece of shit car and drove to the Big Apple and left everything you'd ever known and loved behind – but you're really trying not to think about that.
"A dream? Come on, Santana… How is it any different to the life you were living here, really?" Kurt asks, and you snap your neck around, not sure if you should be offended by his question.
But it is different. Sure, maybe you spend most of your days at work, like you did at the diner, but you enjoy the job more as it pays better, and you get to party most of the time and sing and dance. You have a flat, but it's emptier and colder because someone else isn't there, but that doesn't really help your point because your work life is the only thing that keeps you there. If you didn't have those girls, that job… You probably would've come home by now. That first week was very bleak and it was only after Cassie hired you that things started picking up.
But you've made that mistake before, leaving your friends, your job, your life, and you don't want to be the same person anymore. You want to be better and stronger.
"It is different," you counter but you don't explain how, knowing your argument is weak. You also liked your job in the diner because of your friends, but that wasn't enough, and Kurt seems to realise that you're not going to try and fight him because you mostly can't. It's kind of screwed up. "That's not the point though… If I hadn't slept with Brittany, I could probably consider it, but I just don't think I can now, or I'll just be falling in reverse."
"Look," Kurt says, a little louder and stronger and you look up at him, exhaling heavily and hoping some sound advice is coming your way. There hasn't been any so far, you're just muddled up and confused in your mind. "Once we finish the final cut, Artie is sending a preview to some website who might publish it, and then anyone starring will get royalties," he explains, and you're confused. You're pretty sure that doesn't answer anything you've spoken about.
"You could save it up and come home after a few months, or for Sugar's new club opening in a month even," he throws in, obviously wanting you to know that nugget of information for a reason. "If you don't want to come back straight away then that's fair, but I'm sure you and Brittany can find a way to be civil and if your friends are actually friends in the city, they'll understand you coming back..." His face twists and he pauses with a cheeky grin. "Maybe give them a heads up, though… Or you'll have to wait three months to go back there before they forgive you," he teases.
You chew the side of your cheek inside your mouth, chuckling lightly but staring at him and you guess he's right. If the film succeeds, you could have enough money to come back here and wait to a find a job that's more suitable, which is ideal as going back to the diner doesn't seem too appealing, but there's still the big Brittany part of it. The logistics of getting a job and somewhere to stay are a hurdle, but they're a different type of hurdle. How can you come back and live alongside someone you'd die for? Someone that has you wrapped around her little finger?
You only left because you couldn't be around her anymore, not when you were so hyper-aware of your feelings and the severe lack of admittance on her behalf, and you know after last night, those feelings haven't changed. For you at least.
(You only had some doubt.)
(But it was forced doubt.)
(Something that was wiped away the second you saw her… It was like you came alive.)
"It's not that easy, though," you fight, but it's weak as your voice is strained and you're barely shrugging at them, feeling super vulnerable but trying not to come across as that. It's failing. Holly's looking you up and down with empathy in her eyes and Kurt's pinching his lips at the side in an annoying pity filled way. You don't want pity. "I only ran away because I couldn't be around her anymore," you admit and it's weird, because you don't usually reveal yourself like this, but having space in the city for three months has developed you as a person. "Apparently she's still my kryptonite and it's fucked up."
You've had to lock it up to prevent any of your city friends like Mack, Cassie Or Mercedes from pestering you and they hid their lives too, so it was easy, but it's strangely relaxing to be around people you don't have to hide away parts of yourself from. It's freeing, in a way you didn't expect and that's another pro to add to the list of why coming back would be a good idea, even if the cons are outweighing the those right now.
"Honey," Holly begins and steals your attention. "I've had my fair share of men," she adds and smirks, Kurt sniggering beside her when she stops, looks up and shrugs, like that's an understatement. "Well, I've had a few people's share of men," she corrects and grins widely, making you laugh and lightening the atmosphere. Another reason she was a good choice to talk to. "I've managed to live in the same town as them and still do," she sweeps around her, then peers over her shoulder at the chef who half-smiles at way, waving at her, spatula in hand. She just wrinkles her nose and turns back to the conversation.
"Some I regret," she admits through a smirk and you and Kurt both laugh. "But we both know that you and Brittany weren't like any one-night stand or trashy hook up," Holly inhales deeply, lifting both eyebrows like it's as simple as that. Like that'll just solve everything, but you know that you and Brittany aren't a one-night stand – you've slept together three times now – and she's not trashy and neither are you. Anymore. Not trashy anymore. "And you were best friends once… If you two can't figure out if there's something more, then maybe you can start being friends again. Slow and steady, you know?"
Well, that was kind of the plan, but when she followed you back to Artie's last night, that was thrown out the window.
"I guess," you shrug, not really wanting that to be the answer, especially because you were sort of hoping for some inspirational pep talk or reassurance that Brittany hasn't friend zoned you again, but they don't know anymore than you do. All you know is you slept together last night, and it felt like it was going somewhere, but your plans aren't changing, and you aren't lying. If you're to come back here, it needs to be when the moment is right and not forced, or it'll all fuck up again.
Maybe you two could be friends again, and then see what happens and who knows, maybe a miracle will happen and you'll stop being in love with your once best friend. Weirder things have happened in the universe, right?
"Look, sweet cheeks," Holly says and your eyes flash to her as she reaches over, her vision flitting around to the few customers walking through the door as the bell rings overhead. "You've gotta talk to her, but you two obviously can't be without each other," she lifts a shoulder and for a second, you wonder why she's saying that about Brittany. You don't know how Brittany was after you left, or during the three months you were gone and you're kind of dying to know. "So just talk it out and see what you can salvage."
Kurt nods his head, agreeing to her words but she pats your hand and gets up, dusting down the front of her black shirt, and you take comfort because you know that you've got to clear the air before you go, and maybe even ask permission to text Brittany so the least you come out with is having her back. That's something you're 100% sure of, that you need your best friend in your life once more and Holly's wise like an owl. Or she's just made some terrible mistakes and recognises one in the making when she sees it, so you'll have trust in her advice.
At least for now.
"Now, I'm gonna get you kids some pancakes," Holly continues, stood at the edge of the table, and looks between you. "You've gotta have your energy to finish this damn porno once and for all," she winks.
You let out a laugh, Kurt joining in and then Holly heads off into the kitchen to place your order. You know you've gotta get some energy today, but you don't think you'll be spending it on editing the movie.
You've got to talk to Brittany.
/
You head back to Artie's with Kurt, trying to walk slower to prolong the inevitability of seeing Brittany after you ditched her this morning, with him babbling on about his latest conquest.
In hindsight, that was a really dumb move and only showed that you're a scared little girl still, completely afraid of the fact you've in love with your best friend, but how else are you supposed to feel and how else are you supposed to deal with it? You don't know how to be around Brittany without wanting to sigh every time she does something totally mundane, because it always seems magical when she's doing it.
Something as menial as tying her hair up or the way she listens so intently to the conversations around her when they're interesting, just mesmerises you every damn time and you don't exactly regret coming back here, but you also kind of do because now you've got a fresh batch of memories of Brittany to mope over when you get back to the city.
And perhaps you've got a nice angry one to add as the cherry on top, once you walk into Artie's and finally come face to face with her after what happened last night.
Still, you're no chicken and you're a grown ass adult, and you have to face the consequences of your actions sometimes, instead of just running away and you did promise to help Kurt and Artie with the final editing, so you head on inside when Kurt opens the door like he lives here, and find Artie and his mom, stood in the kitchen. Nancy is washing up, Artie sitting at a low-level countertop you guess was specially made for him and stop a few paces away, clutching your hands in front of you awkwardly.
"Hey," Artie calls, head turning as Kurt drags you by the sleeve into the kitchen, but you're too distracted with searching for someone else to greet them verbally, instead flashing them a sheepish smile. "Where have you been, Santana? You were gone when we all woke up."
You freeze, eyes flitting back to Artie and linger over the we all part of his sentence. You're hoping he just means him and his mom, but no way Brittany snuck out before they woke up and you're pretty sure she's still around here somewhere. You think you saw a pair of heels by the front door when you came in and now you don't know what to say.
Shit.
"Uh… I met up with Kurt for breakfast," you quickly get out, gesturing to Kurt who frowns as he looks at you, probably wondering why you're lying. You just throw him a glare, mentally telling him you'll remove his scrotum if he mentions the B word, and he smirks but nods subtly.
"Yeah, I needed some alone time with this one before she heads back to the Big Apple," Kurt replies, flashing a smile towards the Abrams as Nancy peers over her shoulder at you, eyebrow raised.
"Brittany didn't go with you?" Nancy questions, and shit, you should've considered that she let Brittany in last night, so she already knows she was here and obviously picked up on the fact she never left.
Mouth dropping open, you go to lie and make up some bullcrap to get out of this, but you don't need to as there's the sound of footsteps padding down the stairs and shortly after, Brittany is gliding into the room with a wide smile, bouncing over to Nancy and kissing her on the cheek in greeting. She's looking effortlessly beautiful, with blonde hair damp around her shoulders like she's just come out the shower, wearing an oversized t-shirt and a pair of leggings that must be Nancy's – she's in good shape for a middle-aged woman – and it kind of takes your breath away.
Although the loss of breath could also be out of sheer terror. You have no idea how to handle this situation now you're in it. You need to find some balls somewhere and stand your ground around her and this is step one.
"Morning everyone," she chirps, and your jaw goes slack, heart stopping as blue eyes slide to you, and Brittany smiles softly in a way she doesn't smile at the others, before grabbing the jug of coffee and pouring one out, offering a mug to Nancy and seeing if she wants one, too. It's very homey, very comfortable and you take a second to take in the scenery and whether or not there's tension because she isn't acting like you ditched her this morning, but when you look to Kurt, you see him narrowing his eyes and flitting them between you and Brittany, like he's not sure what's going on either.
You did tell him you'd slept together, and Brittany's acting like you didn't, so now you're confused. Maybe you shouldn't have told anyone.
"Morning, Britt," Kurt slowly draws out, resting his butt against a counter, palms braced on the edge. He's between you and Brittany, and you continue lingering awkwardly in the doorway to the front room, not sure whether you should say hello or just faint. Or run away, but you think that's probably not a good idea.
"Hi," you manage to get out, and Brittany ducks her chin to her chest, eyes flashing to you, then around – just like Kurt was a second ago – and it's like everyone in the room is scanning everyone to figure out what's going on. There isn't actually anything happening, but there is a shift in the atmosphere that you can't deny and that's more than likely because everyone in the fucking vicinity is fully aware of you and Brittany.
"I'm gonna fix you guys up some snacks for lunch," Nancy interrupts, twirling away from the dishes and gesturing for Brittany to take over before heading to the fridge, grabbing out some bread and ham and tossing it on the counter.
The blonde takes over, sparing a final glance over her shoulder and holding your eyes and your stomach twists as you think about the real reason you're here, which doesn't involve her, but it really feels like it should. You have to edit this movie, then get to the airport and fly back to the city, but when she looks at you like this, it's really hard to think of anything other than locking you and her in a room and figuring out what the fuck is going on between you.
"You're editing the final cut of your film, right?" The older woman continues, checking before she begins making sandwiches and everyone looks to you, as if you're the one who's going to say no and leave – which has run through your mind, but you can't do that for several reasons – but you nod, knowing that is literally the sole reason you came here initially. As time has gone on, it's changed, but that was the first reason, and you made a promise to Artie and Puck back in New York.
"Yeah, mom," Artie answers, wheeling over to you and looking to Kurt. "We good to go downstairs?"
Kurt nods, sparing a glance at you to check you're down, and you're still frozen and you haven't said more than a small greeting to Brittany, and she's washing the dishes once more, attention turned to that, whilst the older woman makes sandwiches, so you don't think she's going to join you in the basement. Which should be a good thing, but now you're thrumming with the need to talk it out with her as time is ticking and your flight is in less than seven hours, and you don't want it left behind like you did last time. Whatever Holly said has resounded inside, and you know out of everything, if you can walk away with Brittany back in your life in some respect, then you're going to get it.
You've lived the life without her, and you don't want to continue living it the same way. She's always been the biggest and best part of you, and to let that go because you stupidly slept together (multiple times) and let urges take over, would be ridiculous. Even if you're harbouring more than just sexual urges towards her, and you're pretty sure somewhere she's the same, but that won't change the fact you're going back to another city tonight and living your new life and that's the best outcome of all of this, regardless of anything else.
Still, you know going down to the basement and away from Brittany will also allow you to breathe, so you bob your head, lips sucked into your mouth and flash a small smile to Nancy and the blonde before you turn and follow Artie out the room.
/
After a couple hours, Nancy brings the snacks she made earlier down for you.
You say thank you, a little put off that Brittany didn't deliver it so you could see her again, and instead try to focus on editing and not that. The screens flicker and flash and Artie uses the mouse to zip across the screen and do shit that you can't even keep up with. He's adding transitions, enhancing the audio's in certain parts of the clips and it all happens in a blur, and you settle back after picking up a triangle sandwich and a handful of chips and stuff your face.
However, it's then that you become aware that Kurt's texting on his phone, and has been for ten minutes now, barely putting any input in and it's starting to grind on you. Not that he's texting someone else, but that you flew your ass back here and he's just sitting there chatty away when he's supposed to be helping with this editing thing. There's a matter of hours to do it in, as you're time limited by your flight tonight, and you get increasingly more annoyed when you check your own phone to find Mercedes texting you and asking what time you'll be back as your boss is poking around for additional information about your so called 'family emergency,' which is just another harsh reminder you've got to leave your hometown again.
But you bite your tongue and eat your snacks until it hits the half hour mark and he's still fucking texting. You're about three seconds away from yanking it out his hand and throwing it against a wall.
Apparently, though, you aren't the only one who feels frustration and after several failed attempts of arranging a few of the scenes, Artie groans loudly, throws his hands up into the air and you almost fall out your chair. You've known the guy for years, but you've never seen him so mad. It looks like he's about to cry. Although that could also be because it's now an hour and a half down and you've been watching so much porn your mind is frazzled, so you guess his is, too. He's been doing this for longer, after all.
"Fuck, this is annoying," Artie comments roughly, drumming his fingertips against the desk. "I still don't understand how we can segue into the last scene," he gestures towards the screen and peers at you, and because Kurt's annoying you with the whole texting thing, you do the same over your shoulder at him and he glances up, startled when you cock your brow. He wasn't even listening. "What do you guys think?"
You chew the inside of your cheek and turn your attention back to the screen, flicking over the several methods you've already tried. The whole thing is supposed to be seamless, yet none of the themes you've had click together in the way you want and you're kind of feeling bad, as they obviously hit this stumbling block and that's why they needed your input – or so they said back in the city – but you're coming up blank. You know you once led this entire thing, but you were away for so long, you think you lost the spark of inspiration.
Or your real life just drained the enjoyment out of it. Especially seeing as you've had to sit here and watch snippets of yours and Brittany's scene over and over and it's like, the kinkiest torture you've ever endured.
Anyway, Kurt finally decides to stop texting and sighs loudly, leaning forward in his chair and clasping his hands together, cell between them. "We've gone over this a hundred times… We're just missing something."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Artie snaps back and you're shocked – but entirely amused – as a similar thing was on the tip of your tongue, but he beat you to it, and don't even bothering hiding the smile as you glare at Kurt. Ha.
He just scowls though and picks his phone back up to peer at it. "Well, all I know is this is why you were brought back," he drags out, vision flitting back to you briefly as he types away furiously at his phone. "I've watched this thing so many times I could probably draw everyone naked just from memory and I swear we've tried every single edit possible."
As much as he isn't your favourite person, you agree. It's been two hours and there's only a handful of scenes that made it through, but it's enough time now – which solves a previous issue – but now you're starting to grasp how difficult it must've been for Artie to write a script like this. In fact, you're actually really impressed he did it mostly by himself, with your minimal input, but it's also kind of bugging you because if he wrote it, he could've done it in order then you wouldn't be facing these issues.
Still, it's not like you can bitch at him after you just ditched them and the movie, so you decide to be nice for a change. Artie's a good guy after all, and you do owe everyone who starred in this thing to finish it and see if it makes any money.
"I've never sat through so much porn before," you get out through a chuckle and cross one leg over the other, tilting your head to the side as you stare at the several colour blocks on the screen, showing the arrangement of scenes.
"I know, I'm starting to get tired of sex."
You snort, eyes flashing to Kurt who drops his phone with a too-sweet smile, and you narrow your glare, not feeling bad for what you're about to say. "Oh, come on, Hummel," you wave your hand towards him. "We all know your hole is baggier than a wizards sleeve."
Artie chokes on the sip he's taking of water, turning a beet red instantly and you throw your head back laughing when Kurt seethes in his spot, clearly wanting to deny it but everyone knows the tale of him, Disneyland and Space Mountain. Someone took a trip behind it with his back-then boyfriend and said boyfriend loosened him up; apparently too much as they got to the top of the ride afterward and an explosion happened on the descent. Funniest thing you've ever heard, but he's still entirely ashamed by it.
"Oh, snap," Artie finally comments, throwing his hand out in a gangster sign and setting his drink down to cover his mouth as he laughs uncontrollably.
You're right there with him, chuckling away and Kurt scowls at both of you strongly, leaning back into his chair and folding his arm and legs, like he's totally not bothered by the reminder. He is, which just makes everything so much funnier, but then his phone buzzes and his eyes glance down, a smirk tugging at his lips as he picks it up, choosing to eye you. It's not like you're the only one laughing, even if you did say it and so he should be pissed at Artie, but then you start not liking the deviousness shining at you and the laughter comes to a stop.
"Wizards sleeve or not," Kurt gets out, clearing his throat and looking far too smug for your liking. "I've called in for back up," he announces, and your face drops completely. "We need a fresh pair of eyes before we all end up tearing our own out," he finishes with a knowing smile flown at you.
And it doesn't take long to figure out why. Your head cocks to the side, eyes narrow and you begin murdering him with your look, but then there's an all-too familiar creak of the stairs leading to the basement, and you suddenly feel like you're being punished for bringing up the Space Mountain story. You probably are, but then you think that maybe Kurt was texting on his phone for a reason all this time, and he leans over toward you, making a point to directly speak to just you and God… You're going to actually kill him. Not just mentally, either.
"This is about the movie, remember?" He quickly mentions, climbing to his feet just in time for none other than Brittany to sweep down the stairs.
The breath is stolen from your chest, your lungs suddenly restricting, and your eyes focus on how she bounces down them, eyes shifting around the room but quickly dropping to the floor, a tell-tale sign that she's nervous. You're glad, because you are too, and you try to seem casual, but you don't think it comes across that way when she smiles as you sit upright in your chair, palms braced on the arms. You could've been more chill, and you kick yourself, so Kurt doesn't have to, knowing that he's a complete bastard for planning this, but knowing he does have a point.
It is about the movie.
"Brittany," Artie cheers softly, wheeling down the ramp to greet her and she steps into the basement, tugging on one sleeve and sucking her bottom lip into her mouth, nibbling it.
"Hey," she replies and forces a small smile, but you're the only one who can see through it.
Except your heart is beating a little too fast to be as chill as you wanted to be, and you can't find the ability to speak.
"You gotta save us."
Your eyes flash to Kurt who says it, and he takes a second to throw a wink at you that just makes you scowl – he did do this on purpose – but you can hold back on kicking him square in the burrito for now. His kind reminder of this being for a specific reason is still prevalent, and you're sort of entirely distracted with how unsure Brittany looks. Earlier in the kitchen, she was breezing about like you two hadn't fucked into the early hours of the morning and you'd ditched before she woke, but now she's acting like you expected, all small and shit.
You fucking hate it.
"What do you need?" Brittany whispers, and Artie gestures to the sofa bed (that's folded back up) which makes you gulp loud enough that he looks to you with a frown.
But you just drop your eyes to the floor. If he heard that, then maybe Brittany did, and when you glance up, her staring right at you like she's also playing back the memories of what you did before falling asleep in each others arms on that very sofa last night, confirms it and for the second time, you gulp.
Fuck. That's not going to help if she's here to stay and aid you lot in the editing process.
Still, she shifts over and lowers herself, perching on the edge of the sofa but doesn't touch it with her hands, choosing to cross her arms and you can't blame her. When you came in here earlier, you couldn't even look at the damn thing and asked Kurt to fold it back up after you tore off the sheets on top, but you couldn't avoid the desk. That's where you had sex, but you couldn't exactly reveal that you didn't want to be near it, or Artie would've had to douse it in bleach to remove the bodily juices that may have been there.
You're pretty sure you cleared it up when Kurt was helping Artie out the chairlift, but you're now hyper-aware and anxious that you haven't and you steal a quick glance at it, scanning quickly. But you think you're good and breathe out a sigh of relief that Artie eyes you over, but you just shrug. What he doesn't know, won't kill him.
"We've been watching the scenes for over two hours now, and we need to get the final edit before Santana leaves tonight."
Double fuck.
Seeing as you haven't managed to talk to Brittany about literally anything yet, you are also yet to mention that you're flying back to the city tonight. During your walk home, when you were pissed that she could only give you two bullshit minutes to catch up like strangers that don't want to know of each other's existence anymore, you booked the flight and as good as that idea was at the time, you're beginning to regret it. The time really is limited, you've got a fuck ton of editing to do, and you still really want to speak to her properly and find out if you can potentially become friends somehow.
You've never gone through something so difficult during your friendship, but the foundations that you've built it on are still strong and that's what you need to focus on. Talking about feelings and everything you've apparently kept locked inside since you were 16 has only wound up with your life shifting completely and not in a positive way, and you know that it means pushing this love you have aside, but what else can you do?
It's not like Brittany's held your eye contact for more than three seconds since she got down here, and you can't leave on a note like that.
Although, you also know that not telling her you were leaving, was – in hindsight – not a great way to start it off.
"Uh, yeah," you clear your throat when your voice comes out raspy and make a point to not look Brittany's way. She likes your voice when it goes like that. "I told my boss I had a family emergency and apparently she's poking holes in my story, now."
Unexpectedly, when you finally look up, Brittany's already staring at you, her face expressionless and you shift uncomfortably for a second, taking in Kurt and Artie's confusion but you only told Kurt that you slept with Brittany and didn't talk about it, and as much as you previously thought he invited her downstairs on purpose to make shit awkward, you're starting to realise he was just trying to help. It hasn't, but you know you need to make it clear you didn't book the flight after you slept with Brittany.
"I booked the flight last night," you blurt out and you see Brittany's shoulders drop, like she wanted the explanation.
At least you did something right.
"Why did you say a family emergency?" She finally replies, talking directly to you and you try not to whimper because God, even her holding a conversation with you gets you all hot under the collar. "You don't even talk to your family anymore because they're buttheads."
You can't help but laugh. She's got a point, and again, it's the right thing to do as the corners of her lips tug up into a small smile at the sound. Maybe you need to relax a little and go with the flow. Tensing up and freezing and shit isn't going to get you anywhere.
"I know, but I didn't know what else to say," you admit sheepishly, lifting your shoulder in a half shrug and twisting your face up. "I just needed to come home," you follow, and you don't even think about what you've said until blue eyes sparkle at the last word, and blood shoots to your face. "Uh, I mean, back to Ohio," you quickly correct, ducking you chin to your chest and pretending to scratch your eyebrow.
That was smooth.
Seems you and Brittany aren't the only people in the room – even though it always feels like it when she's looking at you like this – and Kurt and Artie share a smile at each other, eyes sliding to meet and you don't miss it, but choose not to comment. Mostly because Brittany's still staring at you, biting on her bottom lip and it's not awkward or tense, it's unfamiliar but it's welcome. You might be in love with her, and that sucks as you don't know how to fall out of love with her, but you can't deny this has been the thing you've missed the most.
You've missed having your best friend around you. You've missed being able to hide your emotions to everyone else but her and she doesn't see the bad in it. You've missed just being friends with her and laughing and hugging and smiling at each other without fear of what everyone else thinks, and you don't think Brittany's going to hold it over you that you didn't tell her you're leaving tonight because the smile is growing, and you begin thinking that maybe you can just breeze over all the shit and build a friendship, like Holly said.
Maybe there is something to salvage, even if it's not what you really want, but you can't deny how much you've missed her.
(Even if there's a part of you that wants so much more.)
"Let's get to it then," Kurt claps and gets up, offering his chair out for her to take, but when she doesn't get up immediately, you're confused.
"Is it okay if I help?"
You stay quiet, glancing at Artie, but when he's looking back at you, and so are the others, you realise she's asking you and you frown instantly, but then you realise why she's asking. She's not sure if it's inappropriate, or maybe asking to see you can hack watching a scene that started this whole thing off between you, but you've already seen snippets of it throughout the past two hours and you're now sort of numb to it, seeing the mechanics instead of the intensity, and if you're honest… When have you ever denied her before?
"Yeah, of course," you respond and offer a weary smile. "I mean… You are in it," you shrug and look to Kurt and Artie for back up, but they're just shrugging like it's up to you. Bastards. "We need a new pair of eyes, and I can't explain to you how much dick I've seen today," you laugh, and Brittany's face breaks out into a grin, lightness creeping into the atmosphere as she joins in, giggling lightly in a way that makes you stomach flip. "It's kind of disturbing."
For the third time, you've done something right again and Brittany instantly stands, coming over to the chair beside you and sitting in it, a little further away than you want but you know it's a safe distance. Behind you, Kurt leans on the back of your chair and Artie wheels back up the ramp, putting a headset on and flicking off the lights in the room before pressing play on the current edit of the movie.
(You feel blue eyes looking your way the entire time.)
/
How we feeling about it now?