"It's always amazing to me that people just don't see everything going on," Lily said quietly, leaning on the windowsill with her elbows and staring down at the clearing in the middle of the Hearthome facility. A large wooden stage was in the middle of being constructed, part of the memorial that was going to be given for Charles Evans and Finley Sullivan. "Just like back in London with everything that went on after the Epsilon fire. The world moved on, while we seemed stuck in dealing with our own issues."
"That is the nature of humanity," Jason said from the desk where he sat, glancing over paperwork. Even trapped as he was in Hearthome, there were still jobs that needed doing and he at least could print out paperwork from the administration building using the secure line the DHP had installed into the facility when they first involved themselves in Hearthome. "They will not hesitate to look away from the things that disturb them, especially if those things are inhumane in the most literal sense. Something like the memorial is actually good as it will allow people to get together on common ground and make themselves feel a little bit normal."
"Why are you so insistent to keep Hearthome away from the outside world?" Lily asked, turning away from the workers far below to face Jason. Jason glanced up at her question. "I don't know what it is you're hiding but it can't be all that bad, right? I mean, I could just head out now and find out."
Jason sighed and pushed his chair back, latching his fingers over the back of his head as he leaned backwards. "There isn't any big conspiracy regarding that, Lily. It is simply because Hearthome is a psychiatric hospital. I am fully understanding that information will leak eventually but trying to keep people ignorant of the horrors that happened outside is something the DHP want desperately. It isn't only Hearthome, you must understand. There are hospitals, schools, buildings all over the world which were isolated over the last few months and still don't know what happened. Hell, even all of those who did witness what happened have now written it away as some kind of mass hallucination or chemical attack. As I say, it is the nature of humanity to look away."
"Can it have been that bad?" Lily asked.
"Even worse than what imagination can offer," Jason sighed. "Even I wish I hadn't experienced it. The loss of life alone…" Jason glanced at Lily again and stood up off his chair. "You know, all members of the DHP have signed secrecy acts of what happened. It isn't that I won't tell you, it is that I can't tell you."
"That sounds like censorship to me," Lily said. "And isn't that the start of dictatorships?"
"Hah, you sound like somebody I know. He thought the same thing," Jason walked over to the window and looked down. "Didn't agree with what the DHP was doing and knew he couldn't stop it, so he left. It was a big blow. He was the blood of the highest echelon of the DHP so with him leaving… well, our department isn't necessarily as strong as it once was. You call it censorship, Lily, but can I pose you an argument on why this decision was necessary?"
"Sure, go ahead," Lily shrugged.
"Your mother was murdered when you were very young, correct?" Jason asked, not looking at Lily.
For a moment, Lily wanted to ask how the hell he could have known something like that but then she had to remind herself of the people he worked for. Of course he would have known.
"Sorry, rhetorical question," Jason smiled wryly. "I've read the files on all of us involved in the Epsilon incident. I couldn't believe it when I first joined that they had looked all of us up, even the most normal of us."
"Information is power, I guess."
"Indeed it is, at least for the DHP. So, Lily, you found out about the murder when you were eight. A couple of policemen came to your house and sat down in front of you and your father. They let you know that she was dead. Your father asked you to leave the room. Do you know why?"
Lily closed her eyes. It had been a long time since she had thought of her past and an even longer time since she had thought of a time before Gerald. A normal life by any means, except for her mother, who had ran away with some Greek dickhead when Lily was two. Too young to really understand what had happened, and her dad, bless his soul, couldn't really explain. Lily had been eight when the day that Jason was describing had happened and hadn't thought about her mother until that day. Even though she did not know her, the news had devastated her. She had lost something she didn't even realise she had. Her father had indeed sent her upstairs.
"…It was because they needed your father to identify the body, which was still in Greece. He couldn't very well up and go to do it in person especially since he had you, too young to travel really."
"They were still married," Lily said quietly. "I remember dad talking about how they never had a divorce. It was the only time he talked about her, that night. He had said he hoped they could have gotten back together one day, that she would have seen past the 'fling' he called it." Lily scoffed, shaking her head. "Can six years be a fling?"
"But do you understand my point, Lily?" Jason asked.
"I guess I do," Lily said. "When you know something has happened you don't need extra proof. I wouldn't have wanted to see those pictures. The DHP is doing the same thing, then? People know what happened and the DHP just doesn't want to promote it."
"Exactly. We're not wiping away Project Apocalypse from the textbooks. In twenty years time they'll be all kinds of biographies and essays about it. We're just not diverging all the sordid details. It is enough for humanity to know that they survived an extinction level event. They don't need to know the cost of it. They don't need to be shown the photo, so to speak."
"Heh… Project Apocalypse, eh?" Lily smirked.
"Oh for…" Jason immediately turned away and walked back to his desk. "What is it about dead people causing me grief?" Jason sat on a corner of the desk, facing Lily. "The point is, Lily, is that humanity must move on from its past. Accept the events that transpired, and rebuild."
Lily crossed her arms. "Wow, that was a segue and a half Jason. That almost sounded like you were directing that at me."
"That's because I was," Jason shrugged. "I won't apologise for it. You know where I stand, Lily. You are the photo for John, you realise that, right? Every day he sees you, it is a stark reminder of what happened in London. Don't forget that he saw you in the state you were in. That kind of image… that can break a man."
"Gerald is stronger than that," Lily said with conviction.
"Look at you, Lily, you're not even calling him by that which he wants to be called!" There was frustration in Jason's voice that Lily didn't understand, but it was making her frustrated as well. "Every time he wants to move on, you are keeping him from doing that."
"Just because he wants to be called John doesn't change who he is."
"Who he was," Jason said. "I saw photos of your body, Lily. It made me sick to the core and I've seen a lot. Your murder was horrendous. Every time John sees you he is no doubt reminded of that. The whole point on why he wasn't claimed by the List was because he blames himself for your death. His love for you has prevented him from moving on. And you know, I was glad that you chose to move away from him for a bit, because I've not seen him happier than I did when we saw him come out of that hairdressers. It's the same for you, when you were with that resident called Gracie, you were happier than you usually are with John."
"Why do you even care, dude?" Lily asked, her frustration curdling into anger now. "This isn't your life to worry about."
"I worry about the dead because I have seen the dead, I have talked with the dead, and I understand how the dead can hold us back."
"I gave Gerald some space, sure, and I think it's been good for me as well, but he still needs me to watch over him."
Jason groaned. "Lily… Don't you see what you are doing to him? Maylene, my ex-fiancée, haunted me for so long it felt like I could never move on. I barely shaved, I barely slept, hell, it was only because of my parents that I could even function. It was only when she let me move on that I could! You need to do that for John."
"You need to stay out of my business!" Lily responded. "Just because you can talk to dead people means you have some kind of ownership over me?"
"I just want to help you!"
"Why?!"
"Because Lily Talbot died seven years ago at the bottom of a construction site! The love for you that John has was so strong that he believed he killed you, he believed it was his fault, and that belief was so strong that it broke him from the List! Your selfish desire to protect him, to follow him, is hurting both of you! We live in a world where death is not the end we always thought it was. You need to move on, Lily, so John can move on, so he can develop and grow and mature!"
"I can help him do that!"
"You can't, not in the state you're in!"
"Why is this so personal to you?!" Lily demanded, getting close to Jason. "Huh? What, you see yourself in Gerald? It sounds to me like you're projecting whatever sad past you have onto mine and Gerald's. Stay in your lane, Jason, and get the hell out of mine! I offered to help you, not to have therapy with you!"
Before the argument could get any more heated, it was interrupted by a sudden shattering of glass as a figure came barrelling through the window – or rather, a figure was thrown straight through the window.
A man in a mask divided in half with a v-shape rolled across the floor like a ragdoll. A moment later the door was slammed open and Berlin walked in, clutching a second man in a mask – this one with concentric triangles – in one arm in a strangle-hold, dragging him along. Berlin put a foot on the chest of the masked man he had evidently thrown through the window and stared at Jason.
"What the actual hell Berlin?" Jason blinked, looking to both masked men and then back to Berlin. The man on the floor was thinner and stirring, eyes blinking behind the mask. The other one in Berlin's arm was bigger and struggling and kicking his feet but the grip that Berlin had on him was clearly inescapable.
"They tried to attack. Not trained." Berlin didn't speak much at the best of times and his voice was low and thick with the accent of his home country. He threw two items on the desk and Lily watched two knives clatter together.
"Conner's knives…?" Jason looked at the two knives and then to the two men. "Well, I expected an attack, but I did not expect it to be dealt with so swiftly. Good job, Berlin. Tie them up. It's time we get some answers." Jason stroked his chin slowly. "Although not trained? Are you sure, even in a surprise attack?"
"Certain," Berlin said gruffly.
"Well that doesn't make sense. Doesn't make sense at all. That doesn't match with the Falmouth Incident, not at all," Jason's face was a mixture of concern and bemusement. "Seven of them massacred sixteen of us. Not that I doubt your abilities Berlin, but two on one… something's off, something's very off…"
The moment Berlin had come into the room, Lily truly felt her invisibility. Jason would only talk to her if there was no one else about. The moment somebody else came in she was shut out, a door closing on her face. She supposed she couldn't blame him but she didn't enjoy this feeling. She looked at the scene in front of her, of Berlin having easily dealt with these two masked sins, and Lily found she just simply wasn't interested. This was Jason's fight. Conner's fight. Gerald's fight. This wasn't hers. She didn't feel like involving herself anymore. She felt exhausted.
Jason's eyes flickered to Lily for one moment as she walked out of the room, passing through the door to the room like the ghost she was trying so hard not to be.
Lily found herself walking past the construction in the middle of Hearthome where the stage was being erected and orderlies playing at workmen were arguing and trying to piece the thing together. Some residents were gathering, making an audience for the already stressed orderlies. Lily ignored all this activity and simply walked straight through into the recreational area.
As expected, she found Gracie in her usual spot amidst the artwork. It was all completely new drawings and writings, no evidence of the conversation she had with the mute girl the other day.
Lily sat down next to Gracie and simply watched her for a little while. She would scribble on the bits of paper and as soon as she finished whatever thoughts were running through her head, she would move on to the next.
For a moment Lily reached for a crayon, wanted to communicate but writing just wasn't the same.
"What do you think, Gracie?" Lily asked, fully aware her voice would breach no ears. "Jason seems to think I ought to 'move on' and go wherever Death takes us. Thing is I've already died. Death took me here, next to Gerald's side. Why would it do that if it wasn't for me to do what I've always done?"
Gracie happily scribbled away, her tongue slightly peeking out from concentration.
"I'm not stopping him from developing. I mean, he got a brand new haircut, shaved off that ugly beard of his." Lily sighed. "I suppose that was because I wasn't there. Gracie, when we were drawing and doodling and talking that was fun. And for those hours I simply forgot about everything else. I even forgot about Gerald, can you believe it? Well, forgot is a little strong but I put him to the back of my mind. I saw that smile on his face and I realised that I've never seen him smile like that, not even before Epsilon, never. Jason says Gerald loves me but he'll never say those words, will he? Not in a hundred years, the bloody child… but I suppose I'm no better, am I?"
Lily pulled her knees up and hugged them tightly.
"All this talk of moving on… I get it. I'm now part of the so-called supernatural. Even me just talking like this is beyond strange but… It's just not fair, Gracie. If Gerald moves on, he gets to do whatever he wants to do, he gets to live. If I move on, then… Poof. That's it for Lily Talbot. I suppose it was it for Lily Talbot when my head got smashed in. Am I just clinging onto the inevitable? Clawing at an ever-growing cliff-edge? Haunting Gerald just because he's the only attachment I ever had in this bloody world? But I'm not attached to him. I mean, I chose to stay here instead of go with him. He's always told me to leave him in peace. He'll be fine, I know it, just… I always talk about how much Gerald needs me, I get it, I'm possessive, trust me, I really do get it. I guess I need to consider how much I need Gerald. What life is there to be lived in this haunting of mine?"
Gracie suddenly looked up and for a moment she stared directly at Lily.
"Gracie?" Lily blinked. "Can you… Do you hear me?"
Gracie cocked her head.
"Gracie?"
Her eyes unfocused and she went back to her drawings, scribbling away.
"Of course you can't hear me…" Lily stood up. She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment and then slowly reached out towards Gracie's shoulder. She had picked up a crayon. Why shouldn't she be able to do this? Just imagine what it was like when you touched Noah. Hold onto that sensation. Use it. Funnel it. Lily's fingers stretched for Gracie's shoulder…
…And simply phased right through.
"Shit!" The word spat out without any control and Lily put both hands to her head, combing her fingers through her hair with frustration. Storming off, Lily tried to reign in her tumultuous thoughts.