19: Bathed in Blood

Beau may not have been joking about the locking him up thing, she was seriously considering it now as Anders told her about the curfews and midnight raids on mage's families. Meredith was coming down hard on people. Part of her understood it, she had seen quite a bit of blood magic since coming to Kirkwall. The other part of her was protesting the crackdown on mages and their families, on people who were under suspicion of harboring mages, or even being mages. "I worry for you."

"I worried myself… the clinic isn't exactly a secret," it was only a matter of time before they wound up at his door. Anders shook his head at her offer of a refill. "You weren't wrong, tea is hideous." At least whatever this swill was that they were drinking. "I'm worried." Slowly, he raised his eyes to her face, smiling slightly even though this was a serious matter. The way she was sitting, her legs folded beneath her with her teacup barely touched and he was pretty sure that was her third cookie. "About you, I'm worried about you."

"Me?" She had finished her cookie, her fourth cookie actually, and brushed the crumbs off her breeches before fixing him with a curious look. "I'm not a mage, why should you worry about me?"

"Because, Isabeau," he stressed her much hated proper name to get her to realize he was being serious, seeing the mirth fading from her eyes. "Knight-Commander Meredith has made helping and harboring apostate mages a hanging offense. This tea? You could swing for it."

For tea and cookies, with a potential side of abominations. Beau wasn't surprised and she wasn't overly concerned. She showed just how unconcerned she was by helping herself to a fifth cookie.

"Jest all you like but being around me puts you in danger and I-"

She could already see where this was going and pushed herself up onto her feet, shaking her head. "You can stop now, Anders," she knew they had settled into a type of ship, mostly a friendship and she was okay with that. What she was not okay with was how he was about to suggest they end their friendship out of fear for her. "I'm well aware of the risks and I'm okay with them, it is MY decision to make." He had already made one decision for her and it had taken her quite some time to come to terms with it. Maybe not accept it, obviously because she was still hanging out with him under pretenses of being friends and helping his clinic, but she had come to terms with it.

Oh, this woman, Maker she would be the death of him, from exasperation. He was going to die from exasperation. Growling, Anders got up as well, gathering his own cup and saucer when she did and proceeded to follow her down the steps and out of the library. "You're not going to joke this off." He wouldn't allow it; couldn't she see that he was doing this for her? He had been a fool to come here today, he had known better and yet he had come.

"Don't be ridiculous, of course I am," Beau led the way to the kitchen, inhaling the delicious aroma of the stew simmering in a massive kettle over an equally massive fire. This was probably her second favorite room in this entire house, the first being her bedroom. After depositing the tea service onto the counter, Beau turned to look at him, watching as he placed his own dishware alongside hers. "It's my choice, Anders, to be around you." She said softly, all traces of humor gone. He was close to her, impossibly close and she could feel the heat emanating from him as he moved to stand before her. Her eyes watched as his arms stretched out, caging her in between him and the counter. "Anders…" he smelled delicious, warm and inviting, a bit like the rain after a storm and then a bit like the cookies they had been eating.

"Take this seriously, Beau," shock registered on her face, he hadn't called her that in well over a year. He could still remember clear as day, her whispering: "I miss you calling me, Beau". Time had done little to cool how he felt about her. True, they had finally managed to settle back into a comfortable friendship but he had always known, beneath the surface, things were not the same. "The thought of them hurting you…"

She could see it in those clear brown eyes, the fear and the turmoil, so many things at once warring in him. Her hands moved to grip his upper arms, feeling sinewy muscle beneath those robes and the fleeting thought of feeling him without those robes there flickered through her mind.

"Everything I've done to control this-"

She had no idea what 'this' was but the torment in his tone nearly took her breath away. He was so close now; she could feel his warm breath puffing against her face.

"I don't care."

She got what 'this' was now, this being them and what still stirred between them, and she let her eyelids close when she felt his lips brushing against her forehead. It was such a simple gesture but it had her tingling.

"I would drown us in blood to keep you safe."

That was simultaneously the most romantic and disturbing thing anyone had ever said to her and Beau had had a lot of disturbing shit spewed her way over the years. Even as warmth coursed through her so did a chill because she knew he meant it. She knew whatever this was would only end one way, in tragedy, it was just a gut feeling, almost a warning, and yet she couldn't move or push him away, couldn't bring herself to do it. "I don't want to lose you," she whispered, feeling his lips moving to her temple and inhaled deeply. Every last bit of her was trembling, quivering, and he was now so close to her, their bodies just barely touching, that there was no way he couldn't feel it.

"There's going to be more violence, Beau," Anders rest his head against hers, inhaling her own scent, feeling that trembling from her. "I know that, and I think you do too."

This was Kirkwall, violence was part and parcel of the every day routine but she nodded, letting her hands move to his shoulders. She could feel the ruffled feathers of his pauldron beneath her palms, gripping them, ruffling them more. "Yes."

"If you tie yourself to me, Beau, I'll only hurt you."

There went her heart, trying to leap out of her chest. Her breath caught in her throat. This was not going in the direction she had expected. He had spent years pushing her away and now, now it seemed that he was drawing her in. Hadn't he told her this before? That he would only hurt her. She remembered that she had quipped that she might like it. There were no quips coming today. "I don't care," she whispered fiercely, her heart pounding a violent tattoo in her chest. "Nothing would hurt as much as losing you, Anders."

A soft groan escaped him and his arms wrapped around her, something he had longed to do for some time now. Carefully, Anders stepped into her, feeling her body molding against his and contentment swept through him, something he hadn't felt in a long time, followed almost immediately by desire. "What is it about you…" he murmured in her ear, his face buried in her soft hair and let out a slow sigh when he felt her head nestling against the crook of his neck. "I have no control around you, Beau. I try but it always fails…"

"Good." About bloody time.

"You don't want to do this; you could have a normal life," he whispered, his palms splaying against her back, holding her closer to him even as his words tried pushing her away. "Tying yourself down to an apostate, to someone like me, it's madness and you deserve better."

"I've already told you, it's my choice." He was pulling back from her now and Beau raised her head to meet his tortured stare, her own gaze defiant. "Mine, Anders, and I made my choice a long time ago. You are my choice."

"Don't- don't tempt me," he cupped her face between his palms, energy surging between them again. "Not unless-"

"Messere, will your- oh, I beg your pardon!"

Bodahn had the worst timing ever.