"Everything figured out?" Trent asked mildly as they came in.
"Better be." Metal grunted, casting a quick eye through the kitchen and making sure no pieces of glass were missed. Trent had gotten it all, so far as he could tell. "I'm running out of dry shirts."
"Awesome."' Trent accepted it without question, just like Metal knew he would. There was a reason they both lobbied to be the ones teaming up to look after their girl. They each trusted the other to bring them up to speed if needed when it was appropriate. "Jess, time to eat."
Jess paused on her way back to the couch, paler than Metal would have liked and moving carefully. She was hurting. He could tell. If she wasn't about to sit her ass down herself he would have told her to.
"I just ate!" Jess protested. That spark of life was back despite how exhausted the poor kid looked. A knot of worry eased inside Metal's chest.
"That was almost four hours ago and Jason said you only ate half of it, plus, you slept through breakfast." Trent told her, giving her an amused look that clearly said, 'Are you really going to fight me on this?'
Encouraged by the lack of irritation, Jess started padding back to the kitchen, making hardly a sound in her bare feet and saying under her breath, "Eating half of it still counts as just eating a few hours ago."
"Go sit down." Trent ordered. "I'll bring it to you."
"I'm half way here already-"
"You are turning white. Sit down."
Jess frowned as she reached for the edge of the counter to support herself. Metal could see the cogs turning as she considered sitting down on the floor by means of complying with the stern command.
"Metal," Trent could see the same thing he did and was shaking his head for the hundredth time that week. "You wanna-"
"I got it." Metal was already moving. "Jess. Arm around my neck."
"No, I can walk back." Jess insisted, stubbornness, pride and some residual traces of her fears about being a burden peeking through again. "I just need a minute."
Metal shrugged, "I'm going to pick you up regardless in a second. This isn't up for debate."
"Movement is good, Jess, but too much is going to send you backwards." Trent reasoned firmly as he took her food to the coffee table. "You're pale. You're in pain. Let him carry you."
"Geez you guys are bossy." Jess muttered under her breath with refreshing defiance as she followed his instructions and looped an arm around his neck when he stooped so he could lift her more carefully.
"What, did you miss that fact in the Bravo welcome brochure too?" Metal asked. The second she was off her feet, Metal could feel the way her muscles crumpled with relief. She'd absolutely been pushing it too hard today.
"I'm starting to think I lost the brochure before I ever got to read it." Jess told him with a small sigh as he set her on the couch. She studied the plate of fruits, veggies and flat bread with interest, which was an improvement from this morning. Jason had mentioned she'd hardly had an appetite. "What's in the smoothie?
There was a suspicious note in that last question.
Trent plopped down next to her, kicked up his feet on the coffee table and hand bombed grapes from his bowl. "Good things. Trust the system, Jess. Trust the system."
Metal hid a smile and found the remote when Jess turned a shade of red.
"Naima said you weren't allowed to tease me about that." Jess tried to sound serious, but there was a nervous little laugh lurking under the surface.
Trent looked way too innocent. "I'm not teasing you about anything, I just said to trust the system."
"Good." Jess took her plate, picked a strawberry with the smallest wiggle of contentment and popped in her mouth as she watched the TV with mild interest.
It was football.
Testing the waters to she just how much she'd come back out of her shell since their chat, Metal decided the stir the pot by adding, "But since you brought it up-"
"So! Football!" Jess pointed at the screen as she interrupted him, cheeks flushing a deeper shade of red. "I don't know a thing about it! Isn't that crazy?!"
"Nah, it's not surprising at all, Jess," Trent told her. "You're too much of a nerd."
"Says the Star Wars geek who knows more about the stories than even I do."
"Wow! Someone's being feisty."
Jess shifted with half uncertainty and half nonchalance. "I'm not being feisty. I'm just saying you're a nerd too."
Eyes glued to the game, Metal stated, "Feisty looks good on you, Jess. Don't let him tease you without consequence."
Jess made a face and asked with narrowed eyes, "Didn't you start this?"
"Don't know what you're talking about. Eat your food."
"That seemed like a redirect." Jess mumbled.
Trent smiled, "You're learning! Good! There's hope for you after all!"
About an hour later, after watching football with them with only mild interest, asking quiet questions now and then about what was going on in the game, Jess slipped off to her room for a little while.
When she came back Metal could see the debate and indecision in her body language as she took her time.
"Hey, um…" Jess had her phone, fiddling with it nervously and frowning at the blank screen as she came towards him. That uncertainty was back.
Metal waited for her to continue, but then she just kinda stared at the phone while standing about a foot from his couch. They were alone for the moment.
"Take a seat." He shifted so he wasn't taking up the length of it anymore. "If you need to talk, we talk."
"Right." Jess eased down slowly so that she was facing him, head bent down as she started to tap the phone on her knee. "So…I just have this problem where…I could just delete all the messages from my mom and Harold without reading them, but…what if she says something that I needed to know? Like, something that would be good to have a heads up on before it affects my life again? So then I can't just delete them, but then I really don't know if I can handle reading them right now either, or any of them really…I can't even bring myself to read the ones from my housemates right now…and I definitely don't know what to do with the voicemail's because I don't know how to delete them without having to listen to them first, and again I come back to the same problem as with the text messages; what I miss something i would have been better off knowing? Having all the information is better than none of it…right?"
Taking a minute to process, Metal nodded and said, "Ok. I think I followed that."
"I don't know what to do." Jess confessed. When she looked up it was clear she wanted someone else to make the call, not her. She was hoping he would.
"It's your decision, Jess. Delete them, or don't. You have to be able to live with it." The disappointment was palpable and Jess started to retreat back into herself, prompting Metal to stop her with his next words. "But. There's also a third option. Mute notifications from your mom. Set the phone to send her right to voicemail if she calls. Let one of us screen whatever you're having trouble reading for a few days until you'll feel like you can manage it yourself. If anything pressing comes up or if it has nothing to do with your family, we tell you about it. If not, you don't worry about it."
"You…you'd do that?!"
Metal frowned a little and shrugged, "Yeah. Would not have suggested it otherwise."
"You're sure? I mean, like, I don't want you to have to deal with my mom and hear her and stuff-She can get kinda nasty sometimes and"
"Pipsqueak, you're sweet to not want anyone to have to deal with the woman, but you're forgetting that you are the one who gets triggered by her antics. Not us. We'll be ok."
Jess bit her bottom lip and looked out the window for a minute before saying, "I feel so pathetic being afraid to look at my own phone."
Metal bristled at her choice of words. "Well, you need to knock that off because you aren't."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. I am." Metal tried not to let annoyance that wasn't at all directed at Jess slip in. "You gotta do what you gotta do to get through the next few days and start moving forward. If it means turning off your phone completely and blocking a bunch of numbers, then you do it. If it means asking for help, then you do it."
Fidgeting with the phone before holding it out, Jess said, "Would you screen them for me? Or…or look at them with me or just sit with me while I deal with them so…so I'm not alone?"
"How bout I listen to the voicemails and deal with them first. Then we'll work through the rest and come up with a plan."
Jess nodded vigorously, relief pouring off her as she surrendered the mobile to his outstretched hand. She didn't blink twice when he unlocked it without her telling him the pattern. Part of him wanted to shake her for not being more spooked by it, while the other part of him recognized the absolute trust she had that he was someone who would never abuse the knowledge.
"How do you do that?" She asked curiously, tucking her knees up, wincing slightly when the movement put pressure on her incision and rubbing her arms as if she were cold.
"Do what?" Metal asked, as he moved to get up.
"I don't know...notice details, move around like a ninja and break into a phone like it's nothing?"
He couldn't help releasing a soft chuckle. "Some of it's training. Some of it's just good observation skills. The rest is just remembering little things that you saw at the right moment…like your lock screen pattern…that and Zoe told Sonny in case we needed to get into it for some reason."
"Huh." Jess made her thinking face. "Should I change it more often?"
"Depends. Will you remember it if you keep changing it and do you have anything to hide?"
"That would be no to both."
Metal tossed her the remote and headed towards the back door saying, "Then don't worry about it. I'll be back in a bit."
It was nearly an hour before Scott came back in.
Deep in her gut, Jess got the feeling that maybe she shouldn't have given him the phone. Maybe she should have dealt with it herself. He'd gotten so angry over Harold and the more she thought about it the more she worried that her mom was going to make him really mad too.
"He's fine." Trent told her when she craned her head to look at the back door for the tenth time in thirty minutes. She'd told him where Scott had gone and what she'd asked him to help her with after the fourth time she'd looked. "Stop worrying."
"I feel like I shouldn't have-"
"Jess, stop worrying."
"What if dealing with my mom's voicemail makes him really mad?" Jess protested. "I…I don't want him to be getting pissed off just because I couldn't deal with it like-"
"Buddy, if you say 'like an adult' I can't promise I won't start laughing," Trent warned with a smirk before casting a quick, sharp look across to her and adding, "And that is not because you aren't an adult, Jess. You absolutely are, and you do very well considering everything that's gone against you and the lack of guidance when it comes to life skills. But there is one little detail you should keep in mind here and that's the fact that you're still just a sweet young thing to over half of us because we're just a bunch of old farts. Clay's the closest in age to you and you still seem young to him…which is doubly funny because he himself is still a young pup to some of us."
Face flushing a shade of red, Jess mumbled, "Is it because I'm immature?"
"No!" Trent sighed and lowered the volume on the SciFic TV show they'd been watching. "That's basically the opposite of what I just said, Jess. In some ways you have moments where you're more mature than the whole bunch of us. In other ways…you need a little guidance, and that's ok. You're twenty-two now, yeah, but in reality our whole life is spent growing up. You're always going to be learning and changing."
"Then why is 'like an adult' funny?" Jess asked, confused but less embarrassed. Somewhere in the back of her brain she was aware that maybe she cared a little too much what these guys thought of her.
"It's funny because you are being a responsible adult by asking for help when you're in a spot where you need it. Have you any idea how hard that is to learn? Shit, our whole team struggles with it in one way or another, Jess."
Unable to help herself, Jess glanced at the door again.
"Seriously, Jess. Stop worrying. You did a smart thing. You're taking care of yourself. This is a good thing. And not a lot gets him truly mad. Trust me." Trent paused to consider for a moment before adding, "I mean, I won't lie, your situation does get him pretty hot under the collar, but he's usually really good at recognizing when he needs to walk away for a bit, and he's pretty decent at asking for backup if he needs it."
Jess went quiet, trying to accept Trent's words and failing. She felt like the air around her was chaos and the certainty in her decision when she handed over the phone started to crumble. She stole a look at Trent.
"Um…" Jess wasn't sure what she was asking, but she was suddenly talking and there was no going back now. "I need…I don't know…can…can I come sit with you?"
Trent made a face that clearly said, 'seriously? You feel like you need to ask?' before he nodded.
"Yeah, get over here. I even showered this morning."
Disarmed by the light humor and gentle incredulity, Jess slipped over to the other couch gingerly and took a spot close to Trent. Their shoulders nearly touched and Jess drew comfort from the calm energy surrounding him.
As she tucked up her knees to her chest and hugged them while watching the show that he'd turned back up, Jess had a moment of hesitation.
"I haven't showered today," She stated out loud without meaning to.
Trent snorted and said, "I think I can tolerate it, just this once."
"Do I actually-"
"No! You smell just fine. Relax." Trent assured her with a small laugh and yet another head shake as he side eyed her sympathetically. "We really gotta tease you more. You need practice and you take yourself way too seriously."
"Maybe." Jess picked at a loose thread on her sweatpants. "Cass and Jeremy…my older siblings? They used to tease me a lot, but I don't know. It wasn't the same way that you guys tease me."
"What do you mean?" Trent looked down at her, full attention given the second she started talking.
"Well," Jess frowned and wrinkled her nose as she tried to figure out how to describe it. "Teasing from Cass and Jer I think maybe had more passive aggression and constant underlying criticism to it. They…could take it too far a lot, and it always hit too close to home, and then they would get mad when I got upset about it. They'd say I was too sensitive and that I couldn't take a joke."
"You've never felt that way with us though, right?" Trent asked seriously.
"No! Not at all! When you guys tease me, I never feel really dumb or like you're all ganging up on me. It's like, things get spread out over everyone else too and I'm not the only one being given a hard time. And you're all great for telling me when you're not being serious…most of the time. I mean, sometimes Scott says random things that I'm never sure if he's serious about or not. I think it's just fun for him to keep people guessing…unless it's just me."
"Oh, he does that to everyone, don't worry. If anything he plays that hand even harder with the average person when we're working and takes a lot of enjoyment out of making people sweat. There's a reason he has a reputation for being stone cold and intimidating. He plays it up on purpose." Trent smiled a little before nudging her shoulder with his own and going serious again. "If you ever feel like the teasing is going too far, Jess, you need to say something, plain, clear and direct. Don't just take it and feel crappy about it later. The point of teasing is that it's fun for everyone."
Nodding, Jess offered a small but genuine smile as she let her shoulder lean against his just a little bit. "I'll try."
The back door opened suddenly and Jess jolted a little.
"Just me." Scott stated gruffly as he cruised in.
He seemed completely and utterly calm when he came over and plopped himself down on her other side. He didn't quite brush her shoulder with his own like Trent was, but he rested his arm along the back of the couch behind her, kicked up his feet and handed her the phone.
"Calls are taken care of. Your mom will go right to voicemail and all messages have been muted. You won't get any notifications. You're smart to keep some control over contact with her. Don't block her for now, at least. More information out of her is better than none, like you said. I blocked the jackass step-dad though. Don't answer any unknown numbers for a bit. Your dad left one too. Just asking what was going on mostly. It's up to you if you call him back."
"Thank you." Jess hoped the completely genuine gratitude came across. "Was there anything I needed to know?"
There was a tiny hesitation before Scott shook his head and said, "Nope. Not in the calls. Do you still want me here for the text messages?"
"Yes, please."
"Ok. Get started." Scott jerked his head towards her phone. "They're not gonna figure themselves out. Let's deal with it."
Jess drew a deep breath. She was emotionally exhausted and numb but she drew courage from the two steady presences on either side of her.
"Right." She unlocked her phone and got to work.
She started with her sister. The messages were about what she expected from Cass.
~ What the hell did you do? Mom is off her rocker and won't stop calling me! It's getting really inconvenient!~
~Why aren't you answering her!? What the hell have you gotten yourself into? She keeps leaving voicemails about you being involved with a bunch of mercenaries?!~
~You can't just ignore me.~
~Fine. Don't answer. Sorry for being a concerned sister!~
Jess tried to feel neutral as she stared at the messages but she couldn't deny the frustration and anger.
Scott reached out and slipped the phone from her fingers.
"You don't owe her an explanation unless you want to give her one." He said quietly.
"I don't really want to get into it with her," Jess told him, jaw clenched. "She and I have different ways of dealing with mom. She plays the game still, sometimes even better than mom does. I won't do it anymore."
She watched as Scott selected the entire conversation and hovered his thumb over the delete button. She nodded when he gave her a questioning head tilt and that was the end of that. No temptation to go back and re-read. No chances of her feeling guilty and starting a whole thing by trying to make Cass take her side and understand.
Handing it back, Scott said, "Next."
Jess went with Stacy. She seemed safe enough. There was only one line.
~ Are you still alive, bitch?~
A laugh burst from Jess's lips and she winced a little when it triggered her abs. Momentarily forgetting she had Scott vaguely looking over her shoulder, Jess wrote back with a grin.
~ I lived. Don't turn my room in to your new walk in closet.~
Stacy texted her back almost instantly.
~ Damn it. ~
~ Jk. Glad you're ok. When are you coming home? Pauline and Z are driving me nuts. Are those scary dudes you hang out with actually taking care of you?~
By the time the new messages had pinged through, Jess was already looking at the ones from Pauline and Zoe. They were basically the same, minus the unique flavor that was Stacy. Both girls just wanted to know if she was ok, when she was coming back, to let them know if she needed anything and that one or both of the other girls was driving them crazy.
Leaving that alone for now, Jess moved on to her mother's text messages.
They were basically essay length, peppered with frantic and capitalized words.
Instantly the brief moment of cheer was clouded over and Jess stared at the screen without really reading anything for a second before slowly turning it over and holding it face down on her knees.
All of a sudden she felt sick to her stomach again.
"Do you want me to?" Scott asked, his tone darkening a little.
Jess had to mentally remind herself it wasn't directed at her.
"Please." She handed the device back over and tried to distract herself. Squinting at the TV, she asked Trent, "What just happened?"
"The big loud guy just got shredded out an airlock and they just figured out that the ship has a living virus in its computers that's systematically trying to kill everyone." Trent told her, completely unphased.
"Ew…lovely."
They watched for a good ten minutes before Scott passed her phone back. "It's dealt with. Nothing important came up."
"Thank you."
Scott grunted something that resembled an acknowledgment.
The last unread message was from her dad. It was one line.
~ Call when you get this~
Guilt welled up and twisted in Jess's gut and she locked the phone without answering with a sigh.
"You good?" Scott asked quietly.
"Yes…no. I don't know. I should call him," Jess rammed her palms into both eyes. "But I really don't want to right now…it'll be a whole…thing."
"So don't."
"I'm not being a bad daughter if I don't?" Jess asked, still not taking her palm from her eyes. Suddenly she was so damn tired and everything ached again.
"Nope."
"Ok." Jess slumped back and lightly tossed her phone onto the coffee table. "I think I'm done for a bit."
"That's fine. The others should be getting here soon anyway." Scott told her with a complete lack of judgment.
As if on cue there was a soft knock at the front door, followed by it swinging open and Brock's voice calling out, "Anybody home?"
"Nope. None of us are here." Trent called back.
The clip of a four legged creature trotting through the house briskly greeted Jess's ears. She gasped, looking between Trent and Scott with unbridled hope that chased off the fatigue weighing on her shoulders seconds earlier.
"Is…is that…?" She moved so her knees weren't tucked anymore, putting her feet on the ground and leaning out so she could see better.
The beautiful malinois entered the living room like he owned it, bouncing up onto the couch next to Scott and nudging his face with his nose as a way of greeting.
"Hey, pup," Scott said with warm gruffness as he gave the dog's scruff and ears a good rub.
Cerberus licked the end of his nose before hoping down and trotting over to Trent next, both paws up in his lap and sniffing his face with a happy tail wag.
"How's my favorite boy!" Trent asked in a voice reserved for cute animals, roughing the dog up affectionately and rubbing his ears.
Brock came around the corner and quipped, "I'm very well, thank you for asking, man."
Trent ignored him and kept making a fuss over the dog while Brock greeted Jess.
"Hey! Cerberus told me he was insulted that he wasn't invited to last night's movie, so I thought I better bring him. Hope you don't mind too much." There was a bright light in the eye of the dog handler that told Jess he knew full well that she was utterly thrilled to finally meet the legendary K9. He'd been left at home the last few gatherings she'd ended up at and she'd casually (not so casually) asked once if he ever came along. Brock said it depended on the event and the day.
"I don't mind at all!" Jess gushed, "Oh my gosh! He's so handsome!"
Finished with Trent, Cerberus perked his ears up and approached Jess next.
"Do…do I just-?" Jess wasn't dumb. She knew the dog was a working animal and she needed to be respectful of his training and the rules around him.
"Yup. Don't move. Just let him smell you. He'll be pretty clear if he wants you to pet him or not." Brock was watching closely as he came and sat on the edge of the coffee table in front of the couch, ready to intervene if for some unlikely reason things didn't go well. "Don't make eye contact at first. Once he gets to know you he won't care so much…yeah…see Cerb? This is Jess! She's pretty amazing, so be extra nice to her, ok?"
Cerberus nosed around her knees, then her hands held loosely in her lap with a slower tail wag.
"Hi, Cerberus," Jess murmured. She was pretty sure she was in love with this dog and she would still adore him if he bit her arm right then and there.
The dog tilted his head at her and she tried so hard not to make eye contact. Two paws touched her knees delicately, followed by a nose sticking into her face. Next thing she knew Cerberus was half standing, half laying across her legs and licking her ears.
"Cerberus! Knock it off!" Brock laughed, pushing the dog's face away while Jess fought back a delighted giggle. " Yeah, he likes you just fine, Jess. You can pet him now. Try his ears. He likes a good ear rub."
Jess lifted a hand, carefully massaging the canine's left ear. Cerberus leaned into it with a sigh, tail waving happily.
The front door opened again without a knock, making Jess fight off yet another flinch. She hated that doors opening suddenly was making her act like this. She hadn't had this happen in over a year. Usually the only things that set her off now were heavy footsteps, raised voices and slamming doors.
Cerberus was up off her lap and to the entryway in seconds, giving a serious little 'woof' at the same time that Sonny announced his arrival.
"What do you mean, 'woof'?" Sonny scolded as he walked in. "I'm your teammate, ya hairy beast."
Cerberus gave another growling 'woof' before trotting back into the main room, leaping onto the couch next to Scott again and curling up with a huff.
"Hey there, ocean-fearing buddy! How are you doing? These two taking good care of you?
"Hi, Sonny!" Jess smiled at the use of the nickname and forced herself to relax. "I'm good!"
"That's great! I didn't want to have to bust in any heads!" Sonny winked as he carted two grocery bags to the kitchen and placed a case of beer on the counter. "I have good news though. I am in charge of cooking tonight and I have some grandiose plans."
"So long as you don't burn my kitchen down and it follows the requirements outlined, I don't care what you do," Scott said, getting up. "What do you need help with?"
Sonny didn't end up burning the kitchen down and he did make good on the promise of a delicious meal. It was more carb heavy than Jess had been getting, but she wasn't upset about that at all. If anything she could have snuck a second helping, but Trent told her having too much wasn't part of the 'recipe' and to keep trusting 'the system'.
That of course ignited Sonny's teasing nature and Jess nearly hid in her room the rest of the evening with how badly he poked the bear.
The last straw, before Trent dragged him aside and told him something that got him to back off completely, was right before the movie started and Jess disappeared into the washroom for a little while.
There was no acknowledgement from the rest, which Jess was ridiculously grateful for because she was raised in a home where such things were never discussed. She thought Sonny was finally going to give it a rest before he asked coyly, "So. How'd you make out."
Jess covered her face with both hands and moaned, "Oh my god, Sonny! I am not talking about this."
"It's just a reasonable question, Jess, concerning your well being," Sonny insisted. "If things are not moving along in a healthy manner then-"
Somehow, fire and spice exploded in her next words, blazing with irritation that wasn't entirely because of Sonny but long overdue for being released. "Yeah, well, if you keep it up with the questions I'm gonna be so damn self conscious that I won't be able to do anything and then…well, that'll be a real problem won't it!"
The second she finished saying it, Jess regretted it and was about to start apologizing when Trent cheered and said, "Good girl, Jess! That was perfect! And Sonny. We need to have a chat. Let's go."
"Yes, sir!" Sonny got up and followed, winking at a deflated Jess as he passed and letting her know he wasn't remotely upset that she'd just told him off.
Reeling a little from her own outburst, Jess flopped down close to Scott on the couch and leaned her head without thinking on his arm with a huff.
He snorted back a chuckle, not looking up from whatever he was typing on his phone and said, "Told you by day three you'd be sick of us. This is only day two. Just think how bad it will be tomorrow."
"Did I overreact?" Jess asked, not moving.
"Nope."
"You had more than generous patience with him, Jess." Brock assured her. "He had it coming and he's fine."
"Who's fine?" Sonny was back, sauntering in with a beer and sitting at the opposite end of the other couch as Brock, leaving space for Cerberus to curl up in the middle.
"You." Brock answered.
"Why wouldn't I be fine?"
"Because I yelled at you." Jess said shyly as she lifted her head.
"Oh, shoot, Jess. You gotta yell a little louder and meaner than that to hurt my feelings." Sonny laughed. "Besides, I don't remember you yellin. You kinda just growled like a little bear…must be because you're spending so much time with that caveman. He's a real bad influence."
"You'd be a worse influence, Sonny, which is why we're spearheading taking care of her, and not you." Trent said lightly as he took the last spot on the other side of Jess. He hit play, starting the movie and shutting any further banter down.
Like the last time, Jess only got halfway into the movie before she started to get sleepy. Unlike last night though, she was determined to fight it with everything she had. There was no way she wanted vivid and terrifying nightmares again, and if google was right she still had hours to go before the drug that caused them should be mostly out of her system.
Keep your eyes open. Stay still. Don't sway. It was like a little mauntra that went round and round in Jess's head until her body started to cry pitifully at her to go lay down.
A headache formed behind her eyes and Jess was forced to close them for a moment.
The light tap on the back of her head brought her back and Jess turned to Scott. Just like the other times, there was a wordless invitation for closeness and comfort that she knew without a doubt would lull her into sleep like nothing else could in the last six weeks.
Jess was sorely tempted by the offer. She was tired. Her side had a dull ache that worsened as the day wore on and she desperately wanted to lay down. Still, she knew if she wanted to avoid vivid nightmares she needed to wait till at least 11pm, according to google.
With the hesitation taking longer than the other times, Scott finally peered down at her with a questioning wrinkle between his brow.
"I'll fall asleep." She whispered, thinking it would explain everything and forgetting that not all her inside thoughts were outside thoughts that people could hear.
Shrugging, he answered in a low voice, "Yeah…and?"
Looking for an excuse that didn't sound so ridiculously childish, Jess failed and went with, "I can't fall asleep yet. I haven't brushed my teeth."
Instantaneous amusement lit the lines of Scott's face. "So? Go do what you need to."
Stuck now, Jess stifled a groan and got up.
"Want us to pause it?" Sonny asked.
"No, it's ok. I'll just be a minute," Jess lied as she slipped into 'her room'.
She took her time getting changed back into the set of clothes she'd woken up in and dubbed her pj's. Somehow the girls had missed packing those for her. Either that they knew she slept in sweats and tank tops half the time anyway.
It was harder than this morning. Every muscle in abdomen groaned and pleaded with her not to move too much and it only got worse when she stretched too far.
Was that a bad thing? What if she wasn't healing properly? Was the incision getting infected?
Jess slipped into the bathroom quietly and locked the door without a sound. By the time she was done brushing her teeth and looking after other business she was weak as a rat and finally worried enough to look at the place where she'd been cut open.
Taking a deep breath, she braced herself, lifted her shirt and peeked at it for the first time.
It wasn't too large, but it did look red and puffy. She could see bits of dried blood near one corner, scabbed over.
They'd cut her open. There would have been so much blood. What if the stitches weren't holding properly and she just split open right there and then?!
"Shit." Jess swore when the room started to spin and she felt nauseous. Hurriedly she dropped her tank top and hoodie back over her side and lowered herself down the wall so she was sitting. Breathing deeply, Jess fought to stay alert and calm. "Should have known that would happen if I looked. Stupid…stupid, ridiculous, dumb brain! Why do you have to be like that?!"
FIve minutes later, Jess was able to get up in order to return her stuff to her bag and rejoin the others.
When she opened the door, Cerberus was laying there, waiting for her.
"Hey, buddy!" She whispered when he hopped to his feet and nudged her hand with his nose so it slid over his head. He followed her when she put her stuff away, nosing curiously through everything and then trotting next to her when she headed back to the main room.
"Only a minute, huh?" Sonny teased as she approached.
Jess flushed a little as she took back her spot next to Scott and mumbled, "Never said time was a strong point for me."
"Ignore him." Trent whispered as he got up. "You hurting?"
Knowing how rough she looked from seeing if for herself in the mirror, Jess nodded miserably.
"Let's get you something for it then. It's close enough to be due for another round." Trent told her.
Shivering a little, Jess started to tuck her feet up again so Trent had a spot still, saying honestly, "I'm really glad you guys are keeping track of all that because I don't even know what time I took the last one or if it was the four hour or twelve hour one…and I even looked at the clock."
"We know." Scott grumbled without malice.
"Sorry." Jess said instantaneously and in a smaller voice than she'd meant to.
"Seriously? We're back to that?" Trent asked lightly as he handed her the small pill and some water. "How are you feeling right now?"
Using the pill and water to buy her some time, Jess shrugged. "Ah…a little tired. Kinda sore."
Trent raised an eyebrow. "Ok, because you look like you're about to pass out on me, so is it just a little tired or is it exhausted and feeling weak with every muscle in your body aching."
Cringing, Jess dropped the attempt at hiding just how miserable she felt right now.
"More the second."
"Uh huh. Maybe you should be going to bed then."
"No! I'm ok!"
The immediate agitation and near alarm that flooded her voice surprised even her. The others exchanged a few looks, but said nothing.
Trent let it go without a fuss. "Alright, then at least lay down out here, Jess. You're not doing yourself any favors pushing it right now, ok? It's only been two days since you went under the knife and it took a hell of a lot out of you. You're gonna feel shitty if you don't take it easy."
"I'll fall asleep!" Jess argued weakly.
"That would be the idea, Snow White." Sonny commented as he took another swig of his beer and watched the movie.
"I can't fall asleep yet!" Jess insisted in a lower voice so only Scott and Trent could hear despite getting the strong feeling that this was a losing battle.
"Why not?" Trent asked patently as he sat on the edge of the coffee table and studied her.
Rubbing her face, Jess mumbled, "Because doctor google said that by 11pm that last dose of the nightmare drugs I took this morning should be mostly gone."
"Alright. Fair enough. Don't go to sleep, stay out here with us as long as you want." Trent told her, accepting it without further question. "Just do me a favor and at least lay down."
Vaguely getting the feeling she was being tricked by the completely calm and kind understanding, Jess struggled with herself.
"Ok." She gave in with a quick, embarrassed sweep around the room. The others seemed absorbed with what was going on between Spiderman and Thanos, except for Scott.
While he still looked at the screen, she could see him absentmindedly tapping the pillow that sat across his middle.
Jess hesitated, worried she'd missed the opportunity and scared to ask if it was still ok regardless of the fact she was almost positive he was waiting. Out of the blue she was struck by a sense of vulnerability that came with letting them treat her like this; kindness, affection, comfort, a sense of safety, being valued with unflinching patience and them seeming to genuinely want to spend time with her right now for whatever reason.
The more she accepted, the harder it would be if she ever lost this.
"Head down, feet up," Trent ordered when she took too long, already putting a hand on her shoulder and carefully shoving her sideways into Scott.
"Ok, ok, geez," Jess complied, trying not to make a sound when her side pulled with the change.
Trent caught the grimace and hooked an arm under her knees, helping her move with less effort. "Ok. You comfy? Good. Do you think I could take a look at that incision while we're here?"
Jess nodded, fixing her eyes on the screen and trying to pretend she wasn't picturing that horrible scar splitting open.
Tapping her knee, Trent said, "I need you to move your shirt out of the way for me, yup, that's good. Thank you."
He was quiet for a moment before asking Brock to flick the light behind him on. "Jess, does it hurt if you touch it?"
Shrugging, Jess mumbled, "Haven't tried touching it."
"Did it look like this this morning?" Trent was calm, giving nothing away as he peered at the incision.
Biting her lip, Jess felt heat flood her face and she admitted in a small voice. "I don't know. I only looked at it for the first time like, ten minutes ago."
"Really?" Surprise was well hidden, but still there when Trent shifted his gaze to study her expression instead. "How come?"
Anxiety crept up her spine and Jess resisted the urge to hide her face with her hands.
"Cause…it's gonna sound so friggin lame, but…um…looking at it freaks me out," Jess closed her eyes as the confession came past her lips in a whispered rush. "Cause sometimes I kinda, sorta pass out when I see my own blood and then when I think about it too much the reality that I got cut open had something taken out sets in, which doesn't help anything and then when I finally looked at it I got super nauseous and had to sit down because all I could think of was what if it just split open and then there would be blood everywhere and-"
"Ok, ok, hey, Jess! Relax," Trent had the barest hint of a laugh in his voice while the others were suspiciously quiet. "It's ok. I get it. Just take a breath for me. You don't have to look at it and I promise it's not going to just split open, ok? Even in the unlikely event that it did, we'll take really good care of you! Alright?"
"I will never understand how a woman can function when they faint at the sight of their own blood," Sonny commented. "How does that even work with-"
"Shut up, Sonny." Scott growled, the suspicious minor shaking of his body halting instantly as he grew tense with a warning.
At the same time Jess heard herself saying tightly, "It's really inconvenient, as you might imagine, Sonny, so just be glad it's not you."
"Oh, I thank my stars every day that I'm not a woman." Sonny laughed, not at all phased by the warning glare he was receiving from the other three. "No offense there, lovely Jess."
"We're pretty thankful you aren't a woman too, Sonny." Brock stated mildly. "You're already emotional enough without adding PSM and more estrogen to the mix."
The laugh that rose at Sonny's expense was one that Jess let herself enjoy even if actually laughing too hurt too much.
"Right, now that we've established that Sonny would be a nightmare as a woman," Trent snickered before going completely serious and professional again. "Are you ok if I touch the area around the incision? I don't love how sore it looks and just want to confirm a few things, ok?"
"Yeah, I don't care." Jess stole a tiny peek at the incision while Trent slipped on a pair of gloves from what looked like a glorified and well stocked first aid kit that he'd produced out of nowhere.
The puffy edges of the scar made Jess nauseous again and she quickly closed her eyes.
"Does any of this hurt?" Trent asked as he worked with brisk professionalism. His touch was impersonal but not in a way that made Jess feel like she wasn't even a person.
"No. Not really. Just aches..like a bruise."
"Good. We're going to use that super awesome cream that Naimia suggested earlier today and see how it looks in the morning. You good with that? Yeah? Good. If you start feeling more than just tired and sore you need to tell me, ok?"
"Yup."
"I mean it. I don't care if it seems like it's not a big deal, Jess. Please just tell me anyway."
"Ok." Jess met Trent's stern look with a disarming, innocent little half smile and he shook his head before flicking the edge of her shirt back down over the incision and then tossing the throw blanket over her.
Things settled down nicely after that. Anxiety over the stiches bursting open was lessened and Jess couldn't deny that she was content to be curled up watching a movie with these good brothers.
For a while, she forced herself to keep her eyes open until the headache behind her eyes got worse and she was forced to close them.
As soon as she did that, a comforting hand settled on her head. Scott had kept his arm draped over the back of the couch up until now.
"Sleep, Jess." He whispered. "You need it. We'll wake you up if you dream. I promise."
Latching onto the near unshakable trust she now had in the man, Jess tried to relax and let go, but her mind still buzzed loudly so she only drifted for the next thirty minutes.
"Is sleepin beauty out yet?" Sonny asked after a while. "I love the kid and I'd do just about anything to make her smile, but Sonny Quinn's night life is calling…"
Cold water washed through Jess and she tried to stay still, praying she could fake sleep. She couldn't feel upset. She wasn't allowed to be. He'd already spent so much time with her and so had the others and the fact they were doing so was-
"No. She's still awake, dumbass." Scott rumbled quietly, his palm running across the top of her head in response to the stiffening of her muscles.
"Oh…well…Jess, see," Jess could hear Sonny shifting and clear his throat. "It's not that I don't like being here keeping company and all-"
Jess drew a shallow breath, prayed for a steady voice and said quietly, "It's ok, Sonny. You guys honestly have given so much of your time already and it's seriously way more than I ever expected. I really appreciate it and it's helped a lot. Thank you. I hope the rest of your night is good."
Saying the words out loud and hearing what had to be the truth of them, Jess heard another voice in her head that sounded too much like her mother telling her to grow up and go to bed because she was inconveniencing everyone.
"Well, shit," Sonny muttered. "How in the hell am I supposed to go enjoy myself now with all the crushing guilt?"
Mortification spiked through her and Jess lifted her head sharply to look at the burly Texan, "I didn't mean it like-"
"He knows." Trent and Brock said at the same time.
Overtired, drained and hanging by a thread mentally, Jess didn't think she could handle this one right now because heavens above she didn't want Sonny feeling guilty because of something she'd said and she'd already told him off once today. That was something her mother would do!
Not even the steady pressure of Scott's palm resting on her shoulder could stop the rising stress.
She was seconds from retreating by making some excuse about going to bed and staging a semi graceful exit, but the next thing she knew Cerberus was jumping up onto the couch.
Somehow the animal seamlessly wormed his way lengthwise against her body, under her arm, into the crook of her torso and laid his head down with a comforting snuff, effectively blocking her in and shielding her from everyone else.
Time stood still for a minute and Jess didn't even register what anyone else was saying.
Sonny protested contritely as he got scolded. Trent and Brock were trying to reassure her that they were happy to be there and had little else planned right now. Scott growled occasional veiled threats to the Texan who was fumbling for something appropriate to say.
The only thing that truly registered was the dog's breathing and warmth coupled with the entirely disarming sense that the animal understood exactly what she needed better than she did.
Anxiety melted. Her heartbeat slowed. The sweat that crept up her back cooled.
Unwilling to dislodge the canine, Jess dismissed the plan of getting up altogether. Instead she let her arm tighten gently around his furry side and put her head back down. Cerberus heaved a long, contented sigh and Jess found herself relaxing almost against her will. She felt the warmth of Scott's hand on her head again, moving stray hairs back from her face, reminding her that despite the fairly cranky words he was having with Sonny he was still a safe person to be near.
Things quieted besides the movie in the background and Scott asked in a low growl, "You ok?"
"Uh huh. Yup." Jess closed her eyes and willed herself to focus on nothing but Cerberus's breathing and the texture of his fur. "I'm good."
"When did the fur ball get up there?!" Sonny all but squawked as he cracked open another beer and resettled himself almost meekly on the couch.
"Good boy, Cerberus." Brock whispered, obvious pride for the dog lacing the words.
"Well. Would you look at that?" Trent commented dryly. "Once again the hair missile has more sense than all of us combined."
"Dogs are better than people," Brock said smugly, reminding them all that it had been his brilliant idea to bring the canine along in the first place.