Chapter 11: Criminal Fuckery At A Bar With No Name. Background Music: None.
A Bar With No Name, Metropolis Slums, 8:45 pm.
News: In recent news, GUN Director Shadow the Hedgehog issued a statement earlier this evening, issuing a warrant for the arrest of Scourge the Hedgehog, a fugitive from Moebius. It's likely that Scourge was responsible for the issues the Zone Cops faced on the Cosmic Highway–
Surge: Turn that shit off.
The bartender complied with the green tenrec order, shutting off the television. Surge had gotten a smidgen more fuzzy, her teeth were more pronounced, and she wore full body armor with signature yellow pants and a jacket. She down3d an entire bottle of Jack Daniels, burping loudly and sighing afterwards.
There was no goddamn way that this shit was real. It HAD to be Sonic dying himself green to get away with evil shit. There wasn't a Cosmic Highway, alternate dimensions or any crap like that.
At least, not in her mind.
As the biggest Mobius Criminal Overlord, Surge had informants in every place possible, and not ONCE did anything like this turn up, so she refused to buy anything about there being alternate worlds and the like.
Even if she DID get info about it, she would have doubted the validity because she's only ever seen Warp Rings that take people to different spots on MOBIUS only
Surge: Barkeep, double cheeseburger, extra bacon, and another bottle of Jack Daniels. I got a LONG night ahead…
The bartender snapped their fingers at her, and she just gave them a sideways "eat shit and die" look. Only reason she had to be in this shithole of a bar was the food and booze. Best stuff she had tasted in a while.
Save for Flickies, that is.
She was about to head over to the Pool Table when suddenly the bar's front door was kicked open… Standing there was Scourge. The moment he set one soggy foot inside, EVERYONE turned their attention to him. Not so much because he was wanted, dead or alive by GUN with a reward.
They did so because good LORD did he smell awful. Scourge sat down at the bar, taking his cracked sunglasses off his head.
Scourge: Strongest you got, on the rocks.
The bartender hesitated at first but complied. Everyone kept their eyes on Scourge. Even Surge did.
She couldn't help but notice the similar colors in fur this guy had. She noticed it was naturally green, not dyed.
So why in the cinnamon toast FUCK did he look like Sonic if he was stuck in jail and never showered for 25 years?!
Scourge: You gonna keep staring sugar tits, or do you want something?
Surge: Call me that again and I'll punt your smelly ass into fucking low orbit.
Scourge: Ooh, scary.
Scourge rolled his eyes as he got his drink. He downs it, gesturing for a refill.
Surge: You got somethin' to say, fucko?
Scourge: Not really. You're the least scary person in this bar.
Surge: Oh, and suddenly YOU are?!
Scourge just grins.
Scourge: Depends on how you feel about cannibalism. I eat people nowadays. Regular food isn't as good anymore.
… Surge had heard and seen many messed up people, but somehow the cannibalistic green hedgehog was worse than everyone combined. NEVER had she heard someone flat out admit to EATING PEOPLE.
Surge: You are fucked in the head, pal.
Scourge: You're just as fucked too, babe, especially if your in a shit hole like… this.
Scourge gestures around the bar.
Surge: Not THAT kind of fucked. Nobody here EATS people.
Scourge: Sounds like a you problem.
Surge: Fuck you!
Scourge: When, where and how hard, hot stuff?
Surge slams her hand on the bar angrily. Scourge looks at her from the corner of his eye.
Surge: Why are you even here?!
Scourge: Cuz I heard this was the place for a criminal to hang, seeing as GUN can't find it.
Surge: How did YOU find it?
Scourge: A dog named Luka told me after I bit his arms off. Didn't taste that great…
Surge: Okay, that answers the how. Now WHY?
Scourge: I said it already. I'm here cuz I got nowhere else to hang.
Surge: What, don't have a wifey, Sonic?!
Scourge shatters the glass in his hand. He slowly turned his head to Surge, looking her in the eye. He then spoke in a low, growl.
Scourge: … What the fuck did you just call me?
Surge: You heard me, Sonic. We know it's you–
Scourge flat out punches Surge in the face, sending her out the window! She hits a dumpster, and a moment later, Scourge was on top of her, grabbing her jacket and holding her up!
Scourge: DO I LOOK LIKE THAT BLUEBERRY SHIT TO YOU?! DO I?!
He tossed her aside. Some goons pile out of the bar, weapons in hand, but Scourge beats them all in the blink of an eye. Injuring some, flat out killing others! Surge sprung to her feet, growling.
Surge: Ohh you're gonna pay for that, fucko.
Before Surge could do anything, Scourge Spindashes into her, then he grabs her face and slammed her into the ground!
Scourge: DO. I. LOOK. OR SOUND. LIKE. SONIC. TO YOU?!
Surge: If you ain't Sonic, then who in the cinnamon toast fuck are you?!
Scourge: Scourge! Scourge the Hedgehog! Never forget it, or I'll bite you're fucking head off you tenrec cunt!
Surge kicks Scourge off him, then surprises him by using her own speed, punting him into the air and then punching him outside Metropolis! She dashed after him, managing to get to the exact spot he landed at! He climbs out of the impact crater he made.
Scourge: Another speedster. Great.
Surge: Damn right, pal! And I can go faster than LIGHT!
Scourge just bursts out laughing at that. Surge got mad as he did.
Scourge: Ah, sorry, just… You say that like I'm supposed to be impressed. I'm really not.
Surge: Oh yeah?! I can keep up with Sonic himself!
Scourge: And? I fought Sonic AND Shadow both at the same time. TO A STAND STILL.
Surge: Wait… How???
Scourge: Don't worry about it, it won't matter much after I eat you. Who knows? Might fuck you before I kill ya.
Oh HELL NO! Surge instantly was laying into Scourge, beating him senseless at high speeds!
Surge: YOU AIN'T TOUCHING ME IN THAT WAY AT ALL, ASSHOLE!!
She kicks Scourge so hard into the air, he nearly went into orbit! It took about 5 minutes, but Scourge hit the ground face first. Somehow he lived through that.
Scourge: Not gonna lie? That was kinda hot.
Surge: Bite my ass!
Scourge springs up, grinning.
Scourge: Not till after I fuck ya.
Surge: Not gonna happen!
Scourge: Yet.
Surge: EVER!
Scourge: You aren't fun…
Surge: Join the club, there's jackets!
Scourge: They come in XXL size for that huge ego?
Surge: I dunno, you gonna stop blabbing like an arrogant dickhead?!
Scourge: Maybe if you suck my dick first.
Surge growls but Scourge just laughs.
Scourge: You know what, fine. I showed up cuz I heard you hate Sonic and Eggman both.
Surge: … So what if I do?
Scourge: Well, let's just say that a while ago, me, Sonic and Egghead had a scuffle with Sonic teaming up with the fatass.
Surge: And?
Scourge: I want to get some payback on Sonic for what he and an ex of mine did to me. If we get rid of Egghead with him, then we could rule Mobius.
Surge: … I don't really care for being a ruler, but getting rid of Sonic and Eggman both sounds fun.
Scourge: Come on, being the queen of this place? You could make your gang public, and everyone would be terrified of you. People only show respect through fear, after all. What do ya say, sugar tits?
Surge glares at Scourge. The green hedgehog only grinned.
Surge: … I'm gonna think about it. Till then, fuck off. You got a phone?
Scourge: Not anymore.
Surge throws Scourge a phone.
Surge: I'll call ya on that if I come to a decision about your proposition. Till then, fuck off. You're paying for that broken window.
Scourge: I'm not paying for shit!
Sonic's House. 9:00 pm.
Sonic had just gotten done explaining to Amy that Scourge was on Mobius, and was more dangerous than ever. He sat on the couch, letting her put some Medi Gel on his bruises carefully. To say Amy was mad about it was an understatement, but she wasn't taking it out on him.
Sonic stifles as he feels pain in his arm from Amy putting Medi Gel on a bruise.
Sonic: Ah, still tender…!
Amy: The fact you can feel pain is a good thing, it reminds you you're still alive.
Sonic: I feel alive when I hit Mach 56.
Amy: What, you don't feel alive during sexy time?
Sonic smirks.
Sonic: Well, maybe, it depends on if it's in the shower or in bed.
The two laugh. Amy looked a bit sad after.
Sonic: You okay?
Amy: Just a bit upset that we can't… You know. I'd love to, but…
Sonic: Hey, I'm fine without it as nice as it feels, okay? It's better that we wait until after the baby is born so we don't risk hurting her.
Amy: I know. Still gets awfully lonely most nights.
Sonic: Yeah…
The two sigh. Sonic stifles again, then he bites his lip as Amy put gel on a REALLY big bruise.
Sonic: OOOOHOHO, THAT'S BRISK.
Amy: Anyways. Still got that Chaos Emerald on you?
Sonic: Yep. Why?
Amy: Knuckles found four others on Angel Island. He's got them in his basement.
Sonic: So that's five. Two more, and the Chaos Solstice is around the corner.
Amy: Remind me, what IS the Chaos Solstice?
Sonic: So every ten years, a massive amount of Chaos Energy flows across Mobius, all centering at the Hidden Palace on Angel Island. When all seven Chaos Emeralds are taken there with the Master Emerald, the overflow of Chaos Energy makes the Emeralds go to seven different altars around the Master Emerald.
Amy: Ohhhhh. OH! It's THAT!
Sonic: Yep. Once we get the other 2 Emeralds and the Solstice starts? We're gonna take them to the Hidden Palace.
Amy: I hope it goes well.
Sonic smiles. Then he looks dejected, as if realizing something else…
Sonic: … I don't think it will let me use them though. Not with my curse.
Amy: Why not? Just because you have a dark side, doesn't mean you won't be able to.
Sonic: Well yeah but… The Super form is different.
Amy: How is it different?
Sonic: There's a couple limitations that form has. I can be crushed in it, I can drown, and while I get a boost after powering down from it, I'm still vulnerable. Using my Super form doesn't really NEED me to be thinking positive things. Shadow is a good example of this, even if he's balanced himself out.
Amy: Sonic, I believe you can do it.
Sonic: Well… Hopefully we won't need that.
He smiled at her, and he gave Amy a smooch on her cheek. She returns a full on kiss on the lips, which quickly turns into a gentle makeout session, Sonic lifting her up carefully. He pulled away after a minute of them moaning, and he sets her down.
Sonic: Sorry. Needed that.
Amy: Do you hear me objecting?
Sonic: No.
They both smile, standing there for a minute before Sonic yawns.
Sonic: Ahh… I think now might be a good time to hit the hay.
Amy: Shower first, please?
Sonic: You gonna join?
Amy: Yeah, just no sexy time.
Sonic: I know, I know.
The two went upstairs, Sonic carrying Amy up so she wouldn't risk tripping and falling. He smiled at her. Even after all these years, her optimistic attitude and belief in him never wavered.
He should have made his mind up sooner. But that didn't matter much.
Funny how he went from loving bubble baths to liking showers where he got help being scrubbed down by his beloved.
Rouge's Nightclub, 9:15 pm.
Shadow sat at the bar of Rouge's club, having downed about 5 bottles of the strongest drinks she had. Despite this? He wasn't even buzzed. He was too worried about other things to care.
Rouge: Jeez, you don't down that much unless you're worried to hell and back. Try not to fry chicken in the bathroom?
Shadow: Oh quiet. I may piss loudly, but at least I make sure to keep the place clean.
Rouge: Not saying you didn't, but I'm gonna remind you how loud you piss.
Shadow sighs.
Rouge: What's really wrong, Shadow?
Shadow: … We never studied the Anarchy Beryl in depth.
Rouge: Yeah… I think a smart move going forward would be to examine powerful gems in depth as soon as we find one.
Shadow: Save for the Paradox Prism.
Rouge: Well, duh. We don't need another Shatterspace issue.
Shadow: No kidding…
Shadow downs another entire bottle, then he takes a small shard out of his coat pocket. It was an Anarchy Beryl shard.
Shadow: I asked Dr Eggman to examine some shards. If anyone can examine power gems in detail, it's him. He's been able to measure the Chaos Emeralds before.
Rouge: I know. Smart choice, but teaming up with him isn't.
Shadow: Yeah. He's got a PHD in betrayal.
Rouge: Don't let him hear you say that.
Shadow: What will he do, say he isn't THAT kind of doctor?
Rouge: And punch you in the dick.
Shadow: … True.
Shadow cringed a bit as he remembers the time Dr Eggman had, as Rouge said, punched him in the dick. It was the worst sensation Shadow had felt, save for taking a blast of plasma from a Black Arms weapon… Or being mind controlled by Black Doom.
Shadow: Rouge, can I get into the VIP lounge?
Rouge: It's always open, so yeah. Who do you want up there this time?
Shadow: Hmm… Send up Misty Mouse.
Rouge: I'll let her know.
Shadow pays his tab, then heads upstairs to the VIP lounges. He got his card scanned, and he sat down. He closed his eyes, sighing.
This adventure was going to be a long one. Just then, Misty, a rather attractive looking mouse Mobian walked in.
Misty: Heya sugar.
Shadow smirks.
Shadow: New plan. Adultery.
Misty smirks back.
The stockings stayed on.
/Yet another SnapCube reference. Hue.