I've spent every night this week in Andrea's quarters. It wasn't planned and I know it's going to make it more difficult to say goodbye, but I have been completely and utterly powerless to resist the force that draws me to her. Even on the nights where I have retired to my own sleep pod, I have lain awake, restless and anxious, inevitably slipping out of my room in the end. I creep along the corridor until I reach her door and let myself into her quarters, where she welcomes me into her bed with open arms and an easy smile.

Laying here in her embrace as I listen to the sound of her breath, and feel the soft puffs of warmth hitting my skin, I don't know how to let her go. Our relationship is far more than just sex, even though I would never push Andrea to admit it. I know the Commander's rules, and how safely she guards her own heart. There is no denying what this is anymore, though. Not for me. I, Miranda Priestly, have feelings for a woman twenty years my junior.

I know that given a chance it could blossom into something beautiful, if only Andrea would let it. I have no idea how that would work going forward, though. I live on Earth One and Andrea lives wherever the next job takes her, hopping from sector to sector, from job to job.

I nestle in closer against her body, determined not to waste these last precious days with my wistful yearnings. We're making good time so far, and Serena informs me we will be in the orbit of Meliora in less than a week, where we will seek help for Caroline. Andrea seems to have contacts on every planet we have stopped at so far, and somehow, impossibly, many of them owe her a favour. She reassures me the people of Meliora will want to help Caroline, because it will settle a debt with her. What that debt is, she refuses to tell me and I've learned enough about Andrea to know that I have to pick my battles. If she doesn't want to tell me, then she won't, no matter how many times I ask her.

Andrea stirs, her arms tightening around my body as she pulls me closer, her nose burrowing into my hair. She steals the breath from my lungs with these casual, affectionate gestures, and I want to shake her. How can she not see what this is? Why does she refuse to acknowledge what is so obviously happening between us?

"Andrea," I murmur quietly. "We need to get up, Darling."

"I know," she replies sleepily, her voice gravelly and rough. The sound never fails to affect me, and I wonder if we have enough time for me to wake her up in a different way. A glance at the time on the wall tells me that we don't, and I sigh.

"We're resupplying today," I remind her reluctantly.

"Shit," she mumbles. "Slipped my mind."

She sits up in bed and I am reminded why she is the Commander of this ship. When reminded of her responsibilities, she shakes off her tiredness, and does what needs to be done. It's remarkable, really.

"Shower?" she asks hopefully, a sleepy smirk on her face.

"If we're quick," I agree, folding like a house of cards. I wonder sometimes if it is healthy that she has this amount of power over me, and then I realise I don't care. If I only have a few weeks left of her company, then I am going to make the most of it. I climb out of bed, walking a few steps across the room, before I turn to face her. "Come, Andrea," I demand, one eyebrow raised as I beckon to her with a curled finger.

She never takes much persuading, throwing herself out of bed and across the room to me with the energy of a puppy. She has me pressed up against the wall before I can object, kissing me deeply until we are both breathless.

"Morning," she greets me, her eyes now alert and full of a sparkle that was missing when we first met.

"Good morning," I reply, amused. "Though it could be better…" I prompt needlessly.

She laughs, taking me by the hand and leading me into her private shower.

-xXx-

"Is that Caroline's blood on your hand, or yours?" I ask Andrea, when she joins me in the Cave later.

She reacts by hiding her hand behind her back like a child, and I fight the smile on my face, even though I really do want an answer to my question. "Andrea?"

Andrea sighs, dropping her hand down next to her side and flexing her fingers. Underneath the stain of blood, her knuckles are bruised. "It's Caroline's," she admits awkwardly, eyes wistfully looking straight past me to Command, where I know she would rather be. The Commander does not like talking about her sessions with Caroline, and I'm learning to trust her enough not to ask what has happened every time they are in the workout room together.

"Okay," I reply, walking forwards and looping my arms around her waist.

"Okay?" she queries, brow furrowed.

"I don't need to know. Caroline is safe, and I'm assuming not too badly hurt, or Destra would have called me to the Med Bay. So… yes, Andrea. It's okay." As much as I hate the current situation, I know that this is the lesser of two evils. If Caroline wasn't here, and Andrea wasn't helping her manage her aggression in a controlled fashion, then she would be fighting for her life on Bellator.

The look of relief that transforms her face is comical and I can't help the small laugh that bubbles up out of nowhere. She grins sheepishly.

"It's just a split lip," she reassures me, holding me closer when I try to step back out of her arms. "Des put skin glue on it just to make sure, but it should be healed in a couple of days, and hopefully without a scar."

"Good. And how is she this morning?"

The walls come up and I can see her futile attempt to block me out.

"Andrea," I warn in a low voice. "Just tell me."

She sighs. "She's fine, Miranda, but I think the raised levels of aggression are getting to her. These mods are not kind on the human body, and she's having to fight far more now, than she would have in The Circle. If she had stayed there, the implants would have been calibrated so that she only needed them for a fight once or twice a week at most."

"But here she is having to fight you several times a day?" I fill in the blanks.

"Yeah. She has to fight this often, just to keep the aggression implants under control, but she's exhausted, you know? Mentally and physically. Emotionally, I think she is very confused that we care and doesn't always understand that I am not the enemy. That I really am trying to help her."

I lean up to press my lips against hers, the gesture chaste and comforting rather than an expression of passion. "I'm sorry. I hate that you are in this position, Andrea, and I can never show you just how grateful I am."

She wiggles her eyebrows up and down, and then winks. "I think you did a pretty good job of that this morning."

I roll my eyes, blushing when I think of myself willingly dropping to my knees in the shower for this woman. "That's not what I meant and you know it."

"I do," she agrees amiably, "but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy this morning."

I step back out of her arms, and walk over to the sofa, settling into the cushions in the corner. "Are we ever going to talk about this, Andrea?"

She hesitates before sitting down. I pat the cushion and wait, wondering if she will be stubborn today. She surprises me though, and sits down next to me, taking my hand.

"What do you want to talk about?" she asks, a small pout on her face that I really shouldn't find as endearing in an adult as I do. Her question frustrates me. Andrea knows exactly what I want to talk about. She has actively avoided talking about it for weeks now.

"Us," I prompt quietly, expecting her to get up and walk away. She doesn't, though. Instead, she gives my hand a light squeeze.

"What do you want me to say, Miranda? How could this ever work between us? What future could we possibly have?"

"One in which we are together, Andrea. A future where we don't say goodbye, and we take the time to really explore this connection between us." Her questions give me hope. For the first time since we met, she isn't denying that she might want the same things as I do. She's just voicing her doubts as to whether it would be possible.

She's silent, staring across the Cave to the kitchen area, where Lily is throwing grapes at Doug to catch in his mouth. Children. She watches them with an amused smile on her face, and it's easy to see how much she cares for her crew, even the newer members like Doug. Serena breezes past us with a nod in our direction, heading to Command where Jocelyn is communicating with Systema, the planet we are due to resupply on in a few hours.

"How would this even work? You have a home and a life back on Earth One. Your children need the stability that on-planet life gives them."

"And you, Andrea? What do you need?"

She shrugs lightly, still not looking at me. "I don't want to be tied down in one place. My freedom is important to me."

It's heartbreaking to hear that. It's not like I don't know she prefers life living on the ship, but it's the final nail in our coffin. How can I ask her to give that up? Especially when I know where her need for freedom has stemmed from. No one can spend as much time as a captive as Andrea did, and not come out of it with scars. The physical ones are a reminder of everything she has been through, but the mental ones are the most difficult to deal with. Those are the ones that make up the very core of who Andrea is as a person.

Andrea's time in The Void, or more importantly, The Circle, irrevocably changed who she is. Being forced to live and breathe a life of violence has left marks so deep, that I know her experiences will shape every decision she makes for the rest of her life. We could be happy together, I know that, but Andrea has to want to take that chance and I know she's not ready.

"I know," I eventually reply, all other words drying up in my throat. It would be selfish of me to try to convince her to give up the life that she loves, especially when I cannot imagine giving up the life that I am accustomed to. Living on a spaceship all this time has been quite the adventure, but can I really see myself doing it full time? Maybe when I was younger, but I have two ten-year-old girls to consider, and I have to do what's best for them.

"I'm sorry," Andrea tells me genuinely, reaching up to stroke my face, her fingers coming away damp. I wipe my own cheeks, and I don't know when I started crying, but Andrea's arms are around me in a flash, and she holds me tightly until I feel like I can breathe again. "I'm sorry," she repeats, her voice breaking slightly.

I rest my head on her shoulder, just allowing myself to be held. "It's okay. You always told me what this was, and if my feelings are hurt then I only have myself to blame."

"What do we do now? Do you want to stop this?" Andrea asks, and despite the nonchalance in which she asks the question, I can hear the undercurrent of fear in her voice. The longing she will never admit to my face.

"No. No, I don't."

"Then what do you want?" Andrea presses, releasing me so she can examine my face.

"I want…." I pause, taking a moment to really think this through. To consider what is best for me now and in the long run. In the end, I know that what we have is worth the pain it inevitably will cause. "I want to make the most of the time that we have left together, Andrea. I want to spend every day that we have getting to know you, and every night in our bed showing you what you mean to me."

"And if we end up breaking each other's hearts?"

"Then it will have been worth it," I state firmly, even as my body quivers, rebelling against the thought of not having this amazing woman in my life anymore.

"It will have been worth it," she repeats after me, and it sounds like a promise of sorts. She nods once, and then again. "It is worth it. You are worth it."

I lean into her then, kissing her desperately. I want to devour her. I want to make her mine, to make sure she never forgets me. I want to brand myself onto her skin, so that she carries a reminder of what we have, or what we could have had, for the rest of her life. We're in the Cave though, and we're not alone so I reluctantly pull back, pressing my lips against hers one final time.

"We should get ready," she urges, letting go of me, and standing up. "You're still coming, right?"

I nod. "Yes. Cassidy, too. I'll go and make sure she's ready."

"Good. We'll be making our descent in about twenty minutes, I think."

I stand up and we part ways; Andrea heading to join Serena and Jocelyn in command, and myself heading to find Cassidy to make sure she is ready to land on Systema. As I walk away from Andrea, swallowing down the lump in my throat, I wonder if I will actually be strong enough to leave the ship that final time when we return home to Earth One.

My mind helplessly turns over impossible ideas. What if we stayed in contact? What if she visits every now and again, when they find themselves in our sector? What if we sometimes join her during school holidays? They are ridiculous ideas though, drawing out our inevitable separation and prolonging what ultimately already feels like heartbreak. Resigned to our fate, I head downstairs into the cargo hold, where I know I will find Cassidy in the Veggie with Emily.

-xXx-

When we finally arrive on Meliora a week later, the planet almost takes my breath away. The atmosphere is made up of a complex blend of gases that refract the light in a way quite unlike anything we see on Earth One. As a result, everything glows in bright, neon colours as if under a UV blacklight. Andrea explains to Cassidy when she asks, that it is similar to how bees on Earth One see flowers. It's absolutely beautiful, and for some reason that makes me feel more hopeful about Caroline, than if we had landed on a planet covered in a concrete jungle. I know how a planet looks has nothing to do with how competent or advanced they are as a species, but there is just something so beautiful about this place that it spills into my innermost thoughts.

Andrea nods knowingly when I tell her this, my cheeks pink as I admit how this planet makes me feel. She doesn't mock me though, and takes the time to explain that colour therapy is actually a very effective healing tool. Depression is virtually non-existent on Meliora, because of the spectrum of light rays that they are exposed to on the planet's surface every day. Just being on Meliora has a healing effect on the mind and body, and there is nowhere better for Caroline to have treatment because of this.

The first day we are there, Andrea escorts me to see the Ambassador. She's an old friend by the looks of it, judging from the way she curls her body around Andrea's, holding her tightly. I swallow down my jealousy, reminding myself that it is Andrea's tie to this planet, and the favour they owe her, that will be instrumental in bringing my daughter back to me.

I keep quiet while Andrea talks, though I can understand every word thanks to a neural earpiece offering real-time translations. It doesn't enable me to speak the local language, though, so anything I need to say, Andrea translates for me. So far, that has only consisted of my initial greeting and my eternal thanks for their help. The woman, Dareema, smiles at me. It's friendly with a hint of sympathy and despite my initial jealousy, I find myself trusting her. She makes a point of speaking to both of us and not just Andrea, including me as much as she can when making the plan to help Caroline.

Most of the crew stay on board the Star Chaser II, or Doom Baby as Andrea still insists on calling her ship. Cassidy makes the trip onto the planet's surface to see where we are taking Caroline, but once satisfied, she prefers to stay with Emily. Those two have a bond that is stronger than I could ever have anticipated, and I think it will be difficult for both of them to say goodbye when this is all over.

We sleep on the ship the first night we are there, while arrangements are made for Caroline's upcoming assessment and medical procedures. I don't even attempt to spend the night away from Andrea, and we retire to her quarters early with the hope of still managing to get our allotted four hours of sleep once we have tired ourselves out. It's hopeless though, and we make love long into the night, finally succumbing to sleep only two hours before we are due to get up.

Tired, achy and anxious, I pull myself from her arms and bed in search of coffee, via my own pod for a change of clothes. Today is the day, and my stomach knots painfully every time I think about what Caroline is about to go through. The thought of food repulses me, and I open the fridge only to close it again with a sigh, when there is nothing in there that I think I can swallow.

Destra takes pity on me, approaching me a few minutes later as I sit at the table, coffee in hand. She slides a bottle towards me. "Try this. It's a meal replacement drink we use when people are recovering from medical procedures. It will give you all the vitamin, mineral and nutritional requirements you need to get you through the day. I do need you to try and eat a proper meal tonight though, okay?"

I smile gratefully, taking the bottle and removing the lid. I sniff cautiously, my mouth watering when the scent of various fruits reaches me. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Try not to worry, Miranda. This is the best place in the universe that Caroline could be today. Everything will be fine."

I do find myself believing her earnest words. Of all the people on the ship, Destra has been the most honest. She never filters her words or hides the truth, and I have never been more grateful for her bluntness. "I believe you," I admit, briefly quirking up the corners of my lips. It's all the smile I can manage right now, but she offers me an easy grin in return.

"Drink up," she prompts, turning and leaving the Cave, presumably to check on Caroline. I have spent as much time as I can with my daughter, but it's difficult. She is either sleeping, a raging ball of aggression that I have to leave Andrea to deal with, or she is exhausted, post fight. She doesn't quite trust me, I know, but she recognises me as someone who is not immediately her enemy. Someone who offers her reassuring words and will patiently answer any questions that she has. She knows she has a sister, and has met Cassidy more than once, but it's hard on them both.

Cassidy wants her sister back, not this empty shell of a child who has hatred and anger where her love and compassion used to be. Caroline scares Cassidy, even if my youngest daughter will never admit to being afraid. I don't force her to spend time with Caroline, though I make sure to talk to them both about the other, trying to rebuild the connection between them. Hopefully, once Caroline has her implants and mods removed, she will be as close to the girl she was before this ordeal as we can expect.

Both Andrea and Destra warn me on a daily basis not to expect too much. To give her time. To be patient, and not to put too much pressure on her to be the same girl she was before this all started. Things will never be the same again and I know I need to accept that. The sooner, the better, for everyone involved.

Caroline is almost falling asleep on her feet when we take her to the Medical Centre on Meliora. She settles easily into a bed, too tired to put up a fight. She is resigned to what happens next, even if she doesn't fully understand it. She doesn't understand that how she feels right now is not a natural state of being, but it's all that she remembers. The thought of waking up to a different reality is terrifying for her. I kiss her forehead, and she reaches for my hand squeezing tightly.

"Mom?"

My stomach flips, and I can feel my eyes welling with tears. It's the first time she has acknowledged the relationship between us since she was rescued.

"Yes, Darling?"

"You'll be here, right? When I wake up?"

"Of course, Bobbsey."

"Bobbsey," she repeats slowly, rolling the word around her tongue. "We're both your Bobbseys?" she asks, with a flicker of recognition. I've not referred to Cassidy as Bobbsey in front of Caroline, so this must be her memories of 'before' breaking through.

"That's right, darling. You're both my Bobbseys and I love you both so much."

She nods to herself. "I think… I think I might have loved you, too." She nods again, eyes flicking up to meet mine uncertainly.

"And you will again, my darling," I try to reassure, tucking the sheets around her. "I'll see you soon. I'll be here when you wake up," I promise, squeezing her hand and releasing it. I step back into Andrea's waiting arms as the Doctor injects anaesthesia into Caroline's IV and she is forced into a deep sleep.

Four hours is a long time. It's the amount of sleep we are meant to have twice in a twenty-four hour period on board the ship. It's how long it took to travel from Earth One to the outer reaches of the solar system before heading into open space. It's how long I used to spend working in the evenings at home, before I retired from my job. Yet the longest four hours of my life are those that we are waiting for Caroline to come out of surgery.

Andrea stays loyally by my side for most of it, but she disappears at some point with a brief explanation that the crew need her and that she will be back soon. She comes back forty-five minutes later with a smug grin on her face, but she refuses to tell me what she has been up to. I spend a few minutes wondering if it's worth pressing the issue, but then we are collected by another Doctor who informs us Caroline is being brought out of anaesthesia and is now in recovery.

I don't even attempt to stem the flow of tears that start with that news. My precious, beautiful daughter is going to be okay. We are given instructions on how to care for her, and they warn that Caroline will still be prone to violent outburst for a while, unless we make sure that she works out her aggression every day. Her body needs to stabilise again, and a number of things like cortisol and adrenaline will need to regulate themselves before she is fully recovered, but it will be far more manageable. Andrea reassures me that Destra will be able to help with this, speeding up the process considerably.

It hardly feels real when Caroline opens her eyes, and looks at me with love. I reach for her, all previous fear forgotten, and she all but throws herself into my arms. I hold her tightly, kissing her head, brushing off her apologies as she tries to make sense of her memories and the things she has done.

Andrea leans close, whispering in my ear. "Don't brush her off. If she wants to apologise, you should let her. Tell her it wasn't her fault, tell her it's okay, tell her you love her, but don't invalidate her feelings." She's right. Of course, she is. Caroline is full of emotions that she is trying to process and it's not for me to tell her she shouldn't feel a certain way. She's allowed to be confused, angry and sad, and it's my job to give her a safe space to feel these things.

On the way back to the ship, she refuses to let go of my hand, not that I mind. I don't ever want to let go of her again. We talk about inconsequential things, and she finally stops, stepping away from me with an eyebrow raised.

"What on earth are you wearing, Mom?"

Her question is so quintessentially her, that I laugh joyfully, taking a step towards her to pull her into my arms. She giggles, wrapping her arms around me. "I'm a pirate now," I tease her. "I have to dress the part."

"Pirate Priestly," she declares laughing. "I think it suits you, actually."

"I'm rather fond of these outfits," I admit. "I think I'll keep them."

She snorts. We both know that's not true.

"Are we going home now?"

I nod, even as I feel my heart splinter slightly. I swallow down the lump in my throat to answer. "We are a few weeks away from Earth One, but yes. We're heading home, now."

She nods, smiling happily, and I realise that any wistful thoughts of staying on board the Star Chaser II are dreams at most. What my daughter needs now is familiarity and routine, settling back into the home that she has always known. It would be selfish of me to consider anything else, and reluctantly, I close the door on any of those fantastical ideas that plague me late at night, when I am laying in Andrea's arms.

Andrea swipes her Comms over the access panel, lowering the ramp, and it's like Caroline is seeing the ship with new eyes. She looks around, taking in every detail that she overlooked before. "You really lived here? You came all this way to rescue me?"

"Of course. I would do anything for you, Darling," I reply truthfully.

She tightens her grip on my hand as she follows us through the ship and into the Cave where the whole crew is waiting for her. She blushes at their attention, when they all introduce themselves properly. She's only really met Andrea and Destra up until now, the rest of the crew wisely keeping their distance. Cassidy is standing next to Emily, eyeing her twin cautiously as though she is a wild animal that might bite her. Caroline squeals, running across the Cave to throw herself at her sister, and once again, I can feel the tears running down my cheeks. Both girls are smiling, jumping up and down on the spot like they are five years old again.

This moment is everything I dreamed of, and never really expected would happen, and seeing my girls hugging is overwhelming. Andrea slips her arm around me, pulling me against her side. "How about we go and sit in Command. We have to tell you something."

I turn to look at her, and she grins. "Come on," she urges. I allow her to pull me away, while Cassidy excitedly shows her sister around the Cave.

"Well?" I ask her, when she takes a seat, Jocelyn and Serena moving to sit down in the seats next to her.

"We thought you might want to see this," Andrea informs me, still grinning. "Joss? Want to bring it up?"

Jocelyn gets to work, tapping various buttons until a universal personnel file appears on the screen.

Name: Irv Ravitz

Status: Deceased

Cause of Death: Assassination

"What on earth did you do, Andrea?"