Chapter Five
Think Of You

"I'm sorry about Katherine," I said, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "I'd say I know it's not easy but I honestly can't imagine what you're going through. Tommy, if I had known, I would have come sooner."

"Thanks. I really do appreciate it." He walked over and stood next to the creek. Putting his hands in his pockets, he gazed up at the sky. His stare was distant, like his mind was a thousand miles away instead of just a few feet away from me. I bit my lip, thinking about all the things I wanted to say but was unsure of how to say them correctly. I felt awful that Kat was gone but I also wanted to know about these kids, their apparent divorce and what had happened in the four years since I've been gone. I kicked myself for not keeping in touch with him more but I knew it just wasn't feasible for us to do so given what happened. "I forget how peaceful it is out here. I can't even think of the last time I came out here to just relax."

"You have a lovely home." I said, standing next to him.

"Nothing compared to yours." He replied, grinning over at me. I raised an eyebrow in his direction. "I saw an article about your new house in PEOPLE magazine. Does it really have a statute in the middle of the pool?" I scoffed, shaking my head.

"Well, it did. I had it taken out before I moved in because it was hideous." I wrapped my arms around myself.

"How've you been, Kim?" He asked, turning to face me. There was the Tommy I knew best.

"I'm good. The tour is getting ready to kick off and everything is all set for that. Chaos is about to consume my life but in a good way." I said, smiling.

"Trini gives me all the updates she can about your tour that I don't read about on the internet," he said, scratching the back of his head. "I'm so proud of you. That's why I didn't call you about Kat. I didn't want to bother you at such an important time. I know how hard you've been working to kick start this tour and I didn't want to mess that up for you."

"It wouldn't have messed it up, Tommy." I spoke but when I said it, I could tell that I was only telling a half truth. It might not have messed it up but that was because I knew I wouldn't have come. No matter how much I kept saying and trying to convince myself, there was nothing that would have made me come back here just because I had heard Kat was ill.

"How did you find out? Did one of the guys call you?" He questioned. I bit my lip, shaking my head. I had left the letter in the car, locked in the glovebox. I felt unsure about telling him about it. Granted, he was safe but I wasn't confident that any kind of threat was entirely gone or who had written it to me. Until I was able to figure that out, I knew I had to keep that to myself. I hated the idea of lying to him but I couldn't tell him, not yet.

"I read about it on the internet." I lied. "Someone shared her services so I flew in as soon as I could to make sure I could make it. That's why I was rocking a sweat shirt which I apologize for."

"It's cool. I know Kat wouldn't have mind it. Besides, I'm sure it's not all that easy for you to blend in these days, especially around people you grew up around hoping to get their fifteen minutes of spotlight. You really didn't need to come all this way though. I would have understood."

"Well, to be honest, I didn't realize that Katherine had passed away." I admitted, sitting on the rock again. Tommy looked at me, confused. "Someone told me that something had happened to you and that I needed to get home right away. So, I hopped on a flight this morning and now I'm here."

"Why would someone tell you that?" He asked. I shook my head, shrugging my shoulders.

"I'm not sure but I'm glad I came." Giving him a small smile, I clasped my hands together. "How are you really doing, Tommy?" Sighing, he leaned against the tree next to me and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"To tell you the truth, I feel like I'm doing better than I thought I would be. I don't know if it's because we've been expecting it or the kids but I just have been on autopilot this past week."

"You have to do your best to make it through the day the only way you know how." I said, nodding. I was burning to ask him who they were and how he exactly ended up with kids. I chewed on the inside of my cheek, wondering what the best approach for that would be and if it was too soon for that. I didn't want to just ask him who they were or where they came from. I was starting to lean towards the teenage daddy theory the more people were refusing to tell me. Did the white Ranger hide a secret the entire time we were together? Did he have a kid out there somewhere when we were just kids ourselves? That thought made me nauseous for some reason.

"Xander and Ethan help a lot." He said, adjusting his feet. I moved to say something but I didn't, pausing. "Oh! Sorry. They're my adoptive sons."

"I was wondering." I replied, feeling a bit of relief inside of me. Adopted? Explains the age and the lack of similar facial or physical features. Tommy and Kat had adopted some kids. But my mind went to what Trini had said about them being divorced. Why would a couple going through a divorce adopt kids?

"A lot of people do." He mused, smirking towards me. "They're good kids though. I've forgotten how angsty teenagers can be though. Just when I think I have one figured out, the other one slips into a phase that catches me off guard. I wish they taught us how to deal with teenagers in parenting class in high school instead of the egg."

"I mean, I don't have much knowledge of raising teenagers but as a former teenager with attitude, I can say that they are surely a force to be reckoned with. At least they have a great support like you helping them out. How long have they been here?"

"Over three years now, almost four." He stated. I raised my eyes in surprise. "What?"

"Nothing. I'm just surprised. That's all." I replied, shaking my head slightly as I pretended to pick something off my shirt. If he wasn't going to explain further into what he was hinting at, I wasn't about to either. It was our rule after all. We had agreed to not talk about it ever again.

"Surprised by what?" I glanced over at him, willing myself to say exactly what I was thinking. I knew he knew what I was thinking from the look on his face and I dared him to say it out loud but he didn't move to say anything else. Instead, he pulled his hands from his pockets and folded his arms over his chest.

"I was only trying to say that I was surprised that you adopted. That's all." I said, not liking the tension in the air. What did he want me to say right now? That I felt like he had just jumped into one life changing decision after trying to make all the wrong ones at once? That would make me the biggest hypocrite on the planet. "I'm happy for you."

"I'm just trying to give them the best chance they have for a normal life right now." Tommy said in a softer tone, making sure his voice wasn't carrying far. "They started in foster care but we ended up just adopting shortly after that. They're great kids. You'll have to meet them before you leave. Ethan was actually the one who noticed you earlier. He's kind of a fan I think."

"Oh yeah? I'd love to. Anything to help them right now. I know it's not easy having to say goodbye to the person that was acting as their mother. Anything at all I can do to help, just let me know!"

"I will." He sighed again, crouching down so he was leaning against the tree with his back. Tommy looked exhausted from this angle, bags under his eyes and signs that he hasn't been sleeping on his features. "I"m ready for some normalcy again. I think the boys and I can agree on that."

"I don't blame you there. I'm sure things have been crazy around here. Once things calm down, hopefully things will go back to some kind of normal." I offered. Tommy nodded, resting his hands on his knees.

"I hope so too. Enough about us though, tell me all about this tour! You've got to be brimming with excitement." I shifted on the rock I was sitting on, making it so I could face him more. I smiled, shrugging.

"I mean, it's getting down to the wire here. It's really feeling like this is happening more and more with each passing day. I'm not even quite sure what to think about it most days. I guess I'll find out when I step out on the stage in a couple days. Most days, it still doesn't feel real."

"I can't believe I'm sitting with country music's hottest act right now. I should have brought my autograph book." He teased, nudging my foot with his boot. I laughed, running a hand through my hair.

"I hear that my signature runs for at least $75 on eBay these days if you're lucky. I'll sign whatever you need to help out if you want but I think it would bring down the value each time."

"And there goes my chance for millions." We both laughed, the sound of them mixing together in the air rising above us. It should have felt foreign but it didn't. It warmed my chest and brought a smile with ease to my face. I felt like I was sitting with Tommy after school somewhere, just enjoying time together. Only, that felt like an entirely different life time ago.

"Hey, Tommy?" Billy's voice called from behind us. We both turned, seeing Billy heading in our direction from the deck. Tommy stood and I followed suit, making sure there was nothing on my behind from sitting on the rock.

"Hey, Billy. What's up?" Tommy asked as Billy approached us. Billy had lost his suit coat, his white shirt seeming to glow in the sun out here.

"Kat's parents are asking for you. I didn't mean to interrupt though." Billy said, looking apologetic.

"No, it's fine." I said, holding my hands up. "You have a full house, Tommy. You really should be inside with them."

"Yeah, I suppose so." He muttered, glancing towards the house with a frown on his face. He shifted back to look over at me. "Are you in town long?"

"For at least a day or two." I replied. "Why?"

"Would you be interested in coming over for coffee tomorrow to catch up? I feel like we didn't get a chance to and I know once I'm in there, there won't be. I'm still home on bereavement for a few more days. I'd love the chance to actually sit down and talk."

"Umm…sure. I'd love to." I said, giving him a smile. He returned it.

"Great. Well, I'll see you two in there." With a little wave, he headed towards the house and disappeared inside the back door. I watched him, lost in thought at the idea of him inviting me over. I had forgotten about Billy standing there until he cleared his throat.

"What?" I asked, startled.

"I asked if you were okay but it seems you are preoccupied." He stated, cocking an eyebrow.

"Sorry. I was just thrown off by him inviting me over for coffee tomorrow I guess. I didn't mean to vanish on everyone. I was heading back in when Tommy caught me."

"It's alright. I figured that had been the situation. He hadn't entered the house upon his arrival so it led to the conclusion that he had sought other company when he returned home."

"Maybe he saw some strange person in his yard from the road." I offered. Billy nodded.

"Perhaps. Or he was seeking some kind of peace for a moment. He's been the center of attention for a while now and he doesn't tend to like that. That was the first time I've seen him smile or laugh in a while."

"Well, I'm glad it was with me then."

Back in the house, I helped Trini make sure that the food at the tables was kept filled and that there were enough plates and utensils for everyone. I did my best to keep a low profile but I could tell that people who were mingling in the home were eyeing me. Mostly, it was Katherine's family. While Tommy was talking to her parents, I couldn't help but notice that her mother was giving me a look that was borderline murderous. I wondered for a moment if it was because I was his ex-girlfriend or if it was because I was famous and she felt I was stealing Kat's thunder at her funeral. Either way, I opted to stay in the kitchen for most of the time after that. Now and then, people I went to school with came in and made small talk with me. It was nice catching up with everyone but I realized that I was starting to get tired. All the excitement of thinking I was going to save the world and traveling across the country was starting to catch up to me it seemed.

People began to thin out in the house once the food started to run out. Trini, Billy, and I cleaned up the dishes and the garbage that was around the house, tossing everything in large trash bags that Jason was holding as he stood in the middle of the room. Tommy stood by the front door, saying goodbye to people as they left. He looked as tired as I felt. I wondered when the last time he slept was. Frowning, I tossed a stack of empty plastic cups into the bag and wiped my hands on a napkin. Tommy gazed out the open door, the sun illuminating his expression as it stared off into the distance. It pained me to see him this way.

"If you want to head to Billy's house to relax, Jason and I can handle the rest of this." Trini said, putting a hand on my shoulder and pulling me from my thoughts. She gave me a kind smile. "I know you've been through a lot today too."

"I'm fine." I said, shaking my head. I didn't want to leave Tommy. I realized this as soon as Trini had suggested I leave. I knew it was silly but a part of me was almost afraid of letting him out of my sight again.

"Kim, he's gonna be okay." Jason said in a soft tone. Biting my lip, I looked between Jason and Trini before nodding. Billy appeared from the kitchen, pulling his coat back on.

"Are you okay with leaving now?" I asked. Billy nodded.

"Affirmative." He replied. "I've packed some leftovers in the car already in case you are hungry later."

"Thanks." I gave Trini and Jason a hug, telling them that I would be in touch tomorrow. Trini and I made plans of getting lunch or something again before I left for the first concert. Walking out of the kitchen area, Billy and I headed towards Tommy who still stood in the foyer area at the bottom of the stairs. He turned when he heard our steps approaching him.

"Hey. Are you guys heading out?" Tommy asked. I nodded.

"Unless you need us to stay." I offered.

"You've already done so much. I think the rest of us can take over from here. I haven't helped much as it is."

"I think you get a free pass today, Tommy." Billy said.

"Oh! Kim, wait. I wanted you to meet the boys before you go." Tommy turned towards the stairs. "Ethan! Xander! Can you come down here, please?" He called out. He turned back to us. "Ethan doesn't do crowds very much so he has been hiding upstairs since we got home." Above our heads, I could hear footsteps and a few seconds later, the younger son came down the stairs. He had changed from his dress clothes into sweat pants and a hoodie, a large amount of blonde curls on the top of his head. Now that I was closer to him, I saw that he had hazel blue eyes and still had some little kid chubbiness to his face. My guess was he was about 11 or so. He stopped on the bottom step, smiling at us.

"What's up, Dad?" He asked and it almost stunned me at a kid calling Tommy that.

"Xander, this is my friend Kimberly. She was just getting ready to go but I wanted you to meet her first because I wasn't sure if you knew who she was or not." Xander turned his eyes to look at me and they widened. I smiled, used to this reaction when I meet people when they aren't expecting it.

"Hey, Xander." I said.

"Hey!" He replied, smiling widely. "I didn't know you knew somebody cool!" He said, turning to Tommy. Tommy chuckled, rubbing the back of his head.

"I resent that!" I heard Jason call from the kitchen.

"Where's your brother?" Tommy asked, playful pushing Xander in the arm.

"In his room. He has his music going I think."

"Can you grab him? I don't think he knows Kim."

"Oh, trust me. He knows her." I heard Xander mutter under his breath before he grinned and ran back up the stairs.

"Boys." Tommy said, rolling his eyes. Upstairs, I heard some knocking followed by country music playing and muffled talking. Suddenly, there was a loud crashing noise and thunderous footsteps came running towards the stairs. Xander came running down the stairs first, something clutched in his hand high above his head. His brother came running after him. He had also changed out of his funeral attire, dressed only in a pair of basketball shorts and socks. In Xander's hand, I saw he had some type of white cloth that Ethan was trying to snatch away from him. Xander managed to get past Tommy but Ethan stumbled a bit on the stairs which caused him to tumble down the last three. He caught himself, nearly spilling into us.

"Hey! What on Earth are you two doing?" Tommy asked, putting his hands up between the two as Ethan tried to lunge for this brother again.

"That little twerp stole my stuff again." Ethan said, glaring at his brother. Close up, I saw his hair had a red tint to it and his eyes were more green. Freckles were spackled across his cheeks and nose. He was clearly older, him having a good two feet over both Xander and me.

"Xander, give whatever you took back to your brother." Tommy said through gritted teeth. Xander, who was standing behind Billy now grinned and shrugged his shoulders.

"Okay." He tossed what he was holding to the floor in the middle of all of us. I saw when it landed that it was a air of bright white tighty whitey underwear. Ethan reached down and scooped them up quickly.

"Ethan, this is my friend Kimberly." Tommy said, blocking Ethan's view of his brother. Ethan, looking annoyed, shifted his sights in my direction. When he did, his face instantly turned several shades of red that seemed to flow right up to the tip of his ears. His face was redder than his hair.

"Isn't she the girl on the poster above your bed?" Xander asked, crossing his arms in a smug manner.

"It's nice to meet you, Ethan." I said, giving him a kind smile. "And I know how you feel. I grew up with these guys."

"T-t-t-thanks." He stammered out.

"Kim is coming over in the morning. Maybe you two will behave like humans then." Tommy said flatly. Xander stepped around Billy, trying to sneak up the stairs. He took off running, Ethan hot on his tails. "Or not." There was some shouting and a door slamming. "Sorry. I promise they are usually more behaved than this."

"It's been a rough day." I said. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Around ten?"

"Sounds good." Tommy hesitating, looking like he wanted to say more but he didn't. I stepped forward, giving him a hug that he returned with a tight squeeze. "Thank you for surprising me today." He said softly in my ear where no one else could hear him.

"Anytime." I whispered back. As I pulled away, he smiled down at me. I stepped aside, allowing Billy to give Tommy a hug as well. Billy and I walked out the door, giving Tommy a wave before heading down the porch steps towards the street. "Hey, Billy?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't think it's in bad taste for Tommy to ask me over for coffee the morning after Kat's funeral, do you?" I asked, opening my car door.

"No. Besides, people were talking behind your back all day regardless. Might as well give them something to talk about." He replied, climbing in.