First part of the chapter, is somewhat on the same tune of the first chapter, even though she isn´t Susan yet, you cannot call her "Rowena". is the transition. She cannot remember anything yet.
Second Part, you´ll know when you reach it, believe me. "The Call- Regina Spektor"
Someone said "the true face of light was that of darkness". If that's the case, it could be understandable that people kept so much evilness on their hearths, that they felt the need to shed blood as if it were nothing more than murky water whenever they were blinded by anger and greed. They delighted in being privy to the misery of others. That's what noblemen truly valued about those they enslaved, they were nothing more than game. Completely at their disposal and utterly helpless.
Little Rowena was born on such a place, a nobleman´s turf and private play garden. Other villagers gave her and her mother a wide margin, as if they were feared and loathed at the same time. And her "father" always seemed to be in a bad mood when he happened to lay eyes on her lithe form. She could only play at nightfall, otherwise she had to be silent and stay indoors, when she was really little, she didn't understand and believed her mother when she told her that it was due to her "beauty". You see, beautiful princesses just didn't mingle with commoners. It was just the way things were. And… how could she believe otherwise when her clothing was of superior quality and in their house food wasn't a problem, not even in autumn and winter. They ate such tasty things! So it was easy to swallow the lie about her being a princess.
It was as she grew older that she finally started to get snitches and little bits of gossip, how the "sir" had done something awful to her mother… some people said her mom had it coming, others seemed to think it was bound to happen. But they all hated them, her mother and her. She just couldn´t understand people.
People.
One word can hold a lot of resentment, can be a weapon even… with enough intention. That simple word was enough to save her life when she was young and about to lose it.
That's something she learned when her neighbors hunted her mercilessly after killing her mother, she ran away and endeavored to give most people a wide margin.
Since she was a toddler, Rowena learned how to hide. She made use of every nook and cranny, each small or large hole she found, dark corners and forgotten places. She never called a place "Home" never stayed for long. She lived on the run, lone travelers and big caravans served as a disguise… that and her "gift" that is.
You see… she could do all sort of special thinks since… always. (she could disappear without a trace, make herself invisible, make things float and move about on their own, change the color of her dress) Her earliest memories were of her mother holding her and shushing her, begging her to act "normal" and to never wander outside the house. For all the good that had made. Her mother died anyways, and to top it off, it was at the hand of the man Rowena thought of as her father. He led the hunters she had to run away from. At the tender age of 8 years old. Oh, but she felt old. There was a whole sense of wrongness deep inside of her. She didn't know what was the problem, just that there was a problem. Busy as she was trying to survive being different (which, apparently, was a sin) … she had enough on her plate.
Human beings thrived when they were surrounded by others and appreciated, she didn't have access to such a thing. So it wasn't a surprise that she felt lonely, even with her fantastic gift that made the world a colorful place… so she longed for a companion daily. And eventually… her wish was granted. Sort of.
She started to get visions, little glimpses of another place that made her fell warm and safe and incredibly sad at the same time. She missed that place, if it was possible to miss something you never had. It was such a beautiful place, she resented being stuck here and not being able to reach that other side. But the woods and trees shared enough similarities. The animals couldn't be more different, in that other place animals were able to speak as humans did.
At first she felt bubbly and happy whenever she got a glimpse of it. But… something happened over there, people looked sad all of a sudden. The saddest of them all was the king. Oh, it broke her heart, she wanted to fix it so he wouldn't be so sad. She started to write down what she saw on her visions and soon had a working theory.
The king must be sad because he was lonely. His wife and son were nowhere to be seen as if they vanished.
Luckily for her… things developed gradually, as when toddlers are learning how to walk. At first she got glimpses, and as time passed and her abilities grew. The visions developed into visits. She could go there.
She liked to walk at night following fairy lights and otherworldly signs that other people couldn't see. It was on such an occasion that she happened to lay eyes on a white doe. A pure white and silver doe that seemed to be out of a fairytale was drinking water at the shore. Instead of being marveled by it. She hated it. It was a strong and instinctive reaction.
When it started to walk over the water, she stayed to watch on it transfixed but not inclined to try her luck. Suddenly she heard a loud screech and a raven started to fly describing circles around the doe. The raven didn't have anything remarkable or extraordinary about it. It was a simple raven like the ones she saw on the woods. And she had always liked them. They were intelligent and mistaken for bad omens.
She followed them reluctantly, telling herself all the while that she wanted to see what was the fuss of the raven with the doe or see if she could pet it.
She wasn't kidding when she said she loved ravens. It was all for this moment, when she found herself in the place she wanted to meet so badly, staring at the King. And he was pale, because, apparently, she came out of a wall, that for all purposes was solid.
That was her first meeting with Caspian, "the sad king" as she called him.
The first of many. She learned her dream world was called Narnia, that it was normal for animals to speak and be treated as its citizens, they had the same rights as humans. Caspian was the current king. His son was lost and his wife had died. All attempts of finding the lost prince had ended up in disgrace for the search party members, so Caspian had forbidden anyone from trying. Even if it broke his heart.
He couldn't go and search him himself because it meant leaving Narnia without its king. But… they didn't have an heir. He was still young but he refused to remarry. He had loved his wife dearly. He yearned for her and wanted to be faithful.
Caspian´s wife was the daughter of a star. Oh my! She must've been special.
Rowena´s visits to Narnia were short (to her deep disappointment) and the only one capable of seeing her was Caspian. She had a physical form, right and they talked for hour about anything and everything… and she wished for more time on her visits.
He was her friend, and he was suffering. But it didn't matter what she tried, she ended up vanishing from Narnia and going back to her world when she resisted the pull. As she started calling it.
When she felt the pull and she was in her world… she was happy for it meant she´d see Caspian again. But when she was in Narnia and she felt the pull… at first she was frustrated, afterwards she started to feel angry beyond belief.
She wanted to find a way to stay wherever she damn well wanted, without depending on fate or god's whim. She had to find her answer. Her own way out.
She wanted to do so much, Narnia was the missing piece, ever since first lying eyes on it, she loved it fiercely and swore to protect it. But even after finding Narnia, she felt that there was something else, she needed to find it. Whatever it was. And she also wanted to help Caspian find his son, that is, if he was alive.
In her world she was no one, just another traveler and a young one at that, so it was easy for everyone else to overlook a lonely child and later a lonely girl when they didn't want to take responsibility, most people went about their business and faked that they couldn't see her and that was fine with her. She dressed up as a boy whenever she ventured on a village because bad things happened to lone little girls that dared to walk around on their own. Bad, nasty men did horrible things to them. They turned up dead and broken beyond recognition.
Oh. People, she despised people.
Not kids though, they were nice enough when they ignored their parents and elders and hadn't yet developed that nasty instinct that compelled them to make fun of others.
It was older people she hated. Most of them were bad. BAD that spelled danger. As if being bad wasn't enough, they killed the good people too.
People like Rowena died gruesome deaths if they were found amongst "normal" citizens. They were buried, tortured, hunted, humiliated, and cursed even after their deaths… that made her so angry…
So, she kept to the woods, she loved being surrounded by trees. They spoke when you listened properly, told stories worth listening and made her feel safe… But Rowena had a problem, even if she loved to be alone and just surrounded by trees. The woods could only supply fruits in summer and spring… fall and winter were hard seasons for everyone, but for a lone traveler with no money it could be the difference between life and death.
She traded labor for food, that's how she found her love for reading.
She absolutely adored books it was one of the little things she considered good on this earth.
That gave her another reason to despise most people, you see… they didn't like books. The only books they liked were those filled with their hateful ideals. And those she avoided and if asked, she´d say it was a waste of good paper.
Whenever she got to a big town or village, she made for the book store and most owners were willing to part with some food and old cloth readily, they didn't make enough money to hire helps since most people didn't know how to read and couldn't appreciate books for the treasure they are. So, Rowena sorted through books efficiently and happily. And while she worked, she took the chance to read since she couldn't afford to buy any books and the few she had…. Well, they burned along with the only home she knew. And when she was in Narnia she couldn't bring anything with herself. She had tried enough times. She didn't have anything to show for her excursions there.
She was always on the go. Never worked good paying works since her goal was to avoid most people and she tended to attract unwanted attention thanks to her looks. It took her a while to realize that. At first she was terrified when a boy on one of the big villages started to ask questions about the girl with "midnight hair and sky blue eyes" that's the best he could come up with, since she didn't share her name. He was infatuated and pretended to ask for her hand. In marriage. That was what a flabbergasted bookstore owner told her when she showed up for work after a night in the woods. Apparently, the boy was of good family and he was used to get his way. She didn't even bother to find out about his family and their opinion on his resolve. Getting married? Yeah, right.
After recovering from her shock, she bolted. Left town in a hurry and never looked back since that day. She only wanted to find what was so inherently wrong or at least… why she felt there was something wrong. And afterwards… she just wanted a never-ending supply of books and to be surrounded by trees on a quiet corner of the world minding her own business. She wasn't asking for too much, right?
Caspian had laughed for ages when she told him, it was the first time she saw him laugh. And he looked younger and… carefree. He had laughed for ages, and finally recovered enough to tell her, "Well, go figure. You're a girl and you're pretty. They have to be idiots not to realize it". And then left it at that and launched on a history he wanted to share with her and distracted her, he was incredibly perceptive. She was uncomfortable whenever she remembered that particular episode, she had liked that town a lot and now she couldn't go back there.
It didn't even cross her mind to "settle down and make a home" when the "opportunity" presented. Most girls dreamed about finding a good man, marry and have a son. Since a son could provide a roof and money for them, even if there wasn't a husband around, daughters were bad since they married out and couldn't help (they depended on their husbands and those weren't inclined to feed an extra). Most girls never even touched a book unless it was to put it away or clean it.
They didn't think they were losing out on something marvelous and conformed to the negatives of their male relations whenever they so much as expressed an interest on something that wasn't housekeeping, child rearing and… please them.
She was ever thankful for being able to read and enjoy such a pleasure, know so many places and worlds through her books. She couldn't imagine a life without reading. To her, it was like breathing.
You see, she always knew how to read. Even when she wasn't supposed to. No one taught her, that was the first thing she could do thanks to what she called her "gift". Her mother was terrified the first time she found little Rowena surrounded by parchment and books, at least the ones they had on their little hut back on the village.
That's something that will surely have her burned if someone else found out. So, she learned to be quiet and unassuming. Not to draw attention to herself. And when someone noticed her enough and started making questions, she left. That was the rule that kept her alive all those years and if it worked she wouldn't take bets or put herself on jeopardy just for kicks.
Rowena was happy enough with things as they were… it didn't mean that she couldn't notice all nasty things that laid in wait for people like her on villages and settlements, but she wasn't out for changing the world, she just wanted to live her life and find her answers, thanks. Afterwards, all that came will be an achievement.
Updates will be on Thursday or Friday (If I happen to have a chapter ready at the time)