Angela: So Bella, have you sent your graduation announcements yet?
Bella: Wait, are we still on speaking terms?
Angela: Yeah. It's Jessica that hates you.
Bella: Sorry, I tend to forget when it comes to you minor characters.
Angela: …yeah, I can see why Jessica doesn't like you anymore.
Alice: Hey Bella, you should help Angela finish making up her announcements.
Angela: How'd you know I hadn't finished mine? Also, isn't Bella grounded until, like, the end of infinity?
Alice: I, err, guessed? And as of last night.
Angela: Bella, that's great news.
Alice: Yeah, we should celebra… *suddenly freezes*
Angela: Umm…is she okay?
Bella: Yeah, she does that sometimes. Give her a moment to reboot.
Alice: *unfreezing, and looking slightly alarmed before acting normally* …te this weekend. What do you say?
Bella: Sure. So, what did you just see?
Alice: Oh, you know, normal daydreamy stuff.
Angela: Yeah, what did you expect her to say?
Bella: Are you still here?
*after school*
Bella: Okay, what did you see?
Alice: I saw…
Edward: Nothing of consequence.
Bella: Uh huh. And Alice looked worried because…
Alice: It's because…
Edward: She saw Jasper in a weird place.
Bella: You know, I'm pretty sure Alice is capable of answering for herself.
Edward: I know, I just want to make sure you get the answers I want you to hear.
Bella: Possessive much?
Alice: Look, I can try and tell you, but Edward's going to keep interrupting, so there's no point in trying.
Edward: Darn right I am.
Alice: Anyway Edward, remember to remind Bella about her last birthday party *leaves*
Bella: Ah yes, I do like to remember when I was almost devoured by hungry vampires.
Edward: It's not that so much as this *hands Bella a pair of plane tickets*
Bella: Wait, when did I get these?
Edward: They were Esme's gift to you that Kieran forgot to put into the previous fic.
Bella: And we're only just bringing these up now because…
Edward: They're about to expire. We could use them this weekend.
Bella: I somehow don't think Charlie would approve.
Edward: You wanna bet on that?
Bella: Have you asked Alice how this conversation is going to go?
Edward: Nope.
Bella: Then you're on.
*later*
Charlie: You're going to do WHAT with my daughter?!
Edward: Take her to Jacksonville to see her mother.
Charlie: NO THE FUCK YOU WON'T!
Bella: Told you he wouldn't like it.
Charlie: And you're grounded young lady.
Bella: Wait, WHAT?! For what?
Charlie: Because there's no way in hell you're getting away from me again. Not after you eloped with him last time.
Edward: We didn't even…
Charlie: Quiet you. Now, get your ass back upstairs, before I…
Bella: No.
Charlie: *frozen in place for a moment with 56k modem connection noise in his brain* What the fuck did you say?
Bella: Charlie, I am an adult. And I say I'm not grounded.
Charlie: In my house, my rules will be obeyed. Speaking of which *picks up Old Betsy* Edward, hold still a moment.
Edward: Okay.
Bella: Damn it dad *pushes him to the side before he pulls the trigger, causing him to shoot the microwave*
Charlie: Damn it Bella, that's our second microwave this week.
Bella: Good, maybe it'll make you think about what an ass you're being.
Charlie: *actual steam coming out of his ears* Now listen here young lady…
Bella: Actually, no. Edward, let's go.
Edward: Where are we going?
Bella: I don't know, away from here.
Charlie: OH NO YOU… *hears the door slam* Well Old Betsy, you up for a teenager hunt? *Old Betsy fires in response* HEY! Mind the fridge.
*meanwhile, in Edward's car*
Bella: So, you owe me.
Edward: For what?
Bella: I told you Charlie wouldn't approve of the trip.
Edward: But he does.
Bella: You were in the room when you told him about the trip. Hell, you TOLD him about the trip. You know that he…
Edward: …is okay with the trip, since the tickets are about to expire.
Bella: Then why the hell did he react like that?
Edward: He's still nervous about letting you out of his sight after last time.
Bella: There's no way that's true.
Edward: Silly Bella, you forgot I can read minds.
Bella: You know I won't believe you until I hear it from his mouth.
Edward: You will when you get home. I already read that. As well as a few…kinda concerning thoughts.
Bella: Concerning as in violent, racist, or psychotic?
Edward: Yes.
Bella: Oh, this is going to be a fun night.
*later*
Charlie: …but if you ask me, if they haven't committed any crimes, they shouldn't have been running…
Bella: Didn't you say they were sleeping when you broke in?
Charlie: And your point?
Bella: Whatever, I going to…
Charlie: Wait right there missy, we need to talk about you.
Bella: What about me, exactly?
Charlie: The fact that you've been fucking that boy, and in this God-fearing nation, how do you think people will react to pre-marital sex?
Bella: Wow, you're really pushing the stereotypical Republican voter shit, or at least how they're perceived ever since Trump came along and made them dumber than a sack of rocks for not realising that both sides of the political spectrum suck. Listen, me and Edward haven't done anything like that yet, and if you're thinking of having "the talk" with me, mum already explained everything to me years ago. And then demonstrated it. It was disturbing.
Charlie: …WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT TRUM…wait, you're still a virgin?
Bella: THAT'S what you got from that?
Charlie: HOORAY, I did my duty as a father.
Bella: Can I go now?
Charlie: That depends.
Bella: On?
Charlie: Whether you're going to patch things up with Jacob or not.
Bella: And if I don't?
Charlie: Well, then we can start getting you fitted with a chastity belt before you go on your trip to Jacksonville.
Bella: Where'd I leave my keys?
*in her truck*
Bella: *turning the key in her truck* Come on, work damn you.
Edward: Hey, what's wrong?
Bella: Where the f…never mind, the truck won't start.
Edward: Really? That's weird, I just gave it a tune up.
Bella: You did what?
Edward: Yeah, I got rid of this weird metal thing under the hood, and…
Bella: That wouldn't happen to have been the engine, would it?
Edward: …oops…
Bella: You know what? Forget it *goes back into the house*
Charlie: Ah, Bella, just in time *holding up belts* Are you still a small, or are you up to a medium?
Bella: Ugh…