Well there it finally is, chapter 4. I had written it... I thought but then I woke up one morning and realized that what I had written was chapter 5. So that one will come in the next few days.

I hope you like it. It has been a hard chapter to write, I think I rewrote the whole thing more than 5 times in total. I am not good at writing fighting scenes and need to learn more about writing emotions. But as there are many more emotions to come... and even a few more fights, I'll hope to get the hang of it.

On a side note; I love to hear what you think of it and if there are any tips or ideas. Don't hesitate to share them with me :)

Chapter 4 Fear of dying

Five years ago. Somewhere on a snowy field.

Soft, fluffy snowflakes fell gently from the sky. The whole world was covered in a thick white blanket, making everything peaceful and quiet. Kakashi listened carefully, but all he could hear was his breath and the sound of their footsteps crunching in the snow. Even though he couldn't see her, he knew Sakura was right behind him. They walked through the snow, heading towards a small group of trees up ahead. Kakashi hoped they could find a safe place to stay for the night. The sun would set soon, and he was already feeling tired and cold. He stopped walking and turned around. Sakura was following right behind him on the snowy path. Her coat and hat covered most of her face. A few wisps of hair peeked out from under her hat, which sat atop her head in a whimsical, slouched manner. The hat itself was a peculiar creation, adorned with bobbing pumpkins. It had been a gift from a kind-hearted old lady they had encountered in the previous village they passed through. The sight of Sakura wearing the hat brought a gentle smile to Kakashi's face. The old lady had knitted it with a playful assortment of bright, vibrant colors.

"There's a group of trees up ahead. We can set up camp there," Kakashi said when Sakura stopped and glanced at him. She nodded once, the pumpkins bobbing madly, and turned her gaze away. Kakashi noticed a hint of pain in her eyes, and it tugged at his heart. He knew he had caused that pain, and it hurt him to see it. "We should talk then," he added softly.

"Yeah, okay," Sakura replied, her voice lacking emotion.

"Sakura," he began, lifting his hand but then letting it drop. This wasn't the right place for their conversation. He still needed to gather his thoughts, even though he had been doing that all day.

He still had no clue about what to say or how to say it.

"I... I love you," the words echoed relentlessly in his mind.

Each time he heard them, his heart leaped with happiness and sank with anxiety. It was utterly maddening. Sakura had been so sincere, open, and vulnerable when she confessed her feelings, and he acted like a total jerk.

In truth, Kakashi had long been afraid of love, diligently guarding himself against its potential pain and heartache. He had built walls around his heart, allowing only platonic love to enter, believing it would hurt less when people inevitably left him. But with Sakura, it was different.

Taking a deep breath, Kakashi knew he couldn't keep running from his own emotions. He owed it to himself and to Sakura, to be honest and vulnerable in return. He had to find the courage to tell her the truth before the weight of unspoken feelings grew unbearable.

The trees loomed tall before him. They could make a small camp, light a fire, and then he'll tell her. Kakashi smiled wryly. He may be a strong shinobi, but when it came to matters of the heart, he was a coward. After camp… At least it wasn't a drowning turtle this time.

The surroundings remained eerily quiet, as anyone sensible would stay indoors during such weather. A small clearing lay ahead, and Kakashi turned in that direction, trusting Sakura to follow. Just as he began to relax a bit, a loud crash broke through the silence, causing them both to jump and swiftly turn toward the source of the sound.

To their surprise, a white deer stood gracefully beneath the birch trees. Kakashi's trained mind instinctively recognized the tree species, but the presence of other creatures nearby immediately captivated his attention. He strained his eyes, and Sakura gasped beside him, her voice muffled by the layers of fabric covering her face.

"What is that?" she mumbled inquisitively.

Unable to comprehend what he was witnessing, Kakashi couldn't find words to describe the odd creatures before him. Their skin color was unusual, and they wore minimal clothing, exposing much of their small bodies. Strands of hair stuck out in thin wisps, while oversized fangs protruded from their mouths. Their limbs were longer than justified by their torsos and jerked around weirdly. Kakashi shook his head vigorously, wondering if the snowy landscape was distorting his perception.

"You see that too, right?" he asked Sakura, his gaze locked on the deer and the odd creatures. The creatures had formed a circle around the deer, but a few of them were pointing at Kakashi and Sakura. Some of them held long sticks with sharp, crimson-tipped ends. The creatures prodded the deer with the sticks, making it clear to Kakashi why the tops of the sticks were stained dark red.

"A white deer, surrounded by about ten... no, fifteen strange creatures? Yes, I see it too," Sakura confirmed, her voice filled with bewilderment.

With a growing sense of urgency, Kakashi slowly took a few steps backward, the crunching snow beneath his feet betraying his retreat. Frustrated, he muttered a curse under his breath. Five of the creatures detached themselves from the group surrounding the deer and menacingly turned their attention toward Kakashi and Sakura.

"Sakura, run!" Kakashi urgently urged her. Without hesitation, Sakura swiftly pivoted and sprinted away from the approaching creatures. Kakashi had no intention of finding out what these creatures were or their intentions. As he turned to follow Sakura, he witnessed the white deer succumbing to its wounds. Two sharp sticks jutted out from its wounded body, causing crimson blood to stain its pristine white fur before trickling onto the snow. An odd feeling of sadness washed over him.

Determined not to meet the same fate, Kakashi gave chase to Sakura. However, two of the creatures abruptly surged past him and catapulted into Sakura, causing her to plummet into the snow. As one of the creatures lunged at him, striking his legs, Kakashi too stumbled and fell into the icy embrace of the snow. Acting on instinct, he quickly regained his footing and managed to kick one of the creatures away as it leaped at him. Evading the sharp end of the other creature's stick, Kakashi deftly maneuvered himself away from harm and fought his way back up to his feet.

With a quick glance, Kakashi noticed that Sakura had also regained her footing. Two of the creatures had encircled her, while the remaining three closed in around him. Not all of them wielded sticks; a few carried large mallets, and one even had a club. The creatures made swift, stabbing motions with their sticks, while the one with the club moved stealthily out of Kakashi's line of sight. He tried to keep an eye on it, but the other two were dancing around him in fast, chaotic motions that it was hard to keep track of them at all.

They were small, barely reaching his knees, but they were remarkably agile. The snow seemed to have no effect on them, even though they were barefoot and clad in mere loincloths. Kakashi couldn't shake the resemblance they bore to creatures he had once seen in a children's picture book, though he dismissed the thought as absurd. Such things didn't exist in this world.

Pushing aside his doubts, Kakashi swiftly formed the necessary hand seals. "Katon Ryuuka no Jutsu!" he exclaimed, directing a scorching blast of fire toward one of the creatures, causing it to collapse to the ground.

Simultaneously, he heard a thunderous crash behind him, indicating Sakura's formidable strength had taken down another adversary. Without pausing, Kakashi retrieved a handful of kunai from his pouch and hurled them at two of the creatures. They were fast and agile enough to dodge the kunai easily and Kakashi decided to take things a bit further. He began the seals for his next jutsu when they were suddenly overrun by the creatures. There were more than fifteen and they seemed to pop up from everywhere

Out of the corner of his eye, Kakashi could still see the deer lying motionless on the ground. White against white with bright red striped and spots on it. The air was heavy with the smell of blood and rot.

Kakashi pulled a kunai and managed to hit a few, only to have them replaced by others. Their small size was a big disadvantage to them, but a huge advantage to the creatures. With their stick they poked and stabbed him where ever they could get him. Just as Kakashi was about to unleash his next jutsu, he heard Sakura groan in pain. His attention shifted towards her, but at that moment, a sharp pang shot through his left leg. One of the creatures had pierced his leg with a stick, causing it to give way under him. He fought to stay upright, battling the pain coursing through him. However, before he could release the jutsu he had readied, a blinding light filled his vision, and the world faded into darkness.

Faintly, from somewhere in the distance, he could hear Sakura's urgent shout.

When Kakashi regained consciousness, pain surged through his head and leg. As his awareness sharpened, he sensed the soothing warmth of Sakura's chakra, a sign of her healing his injured leg. Blinking his eyes open, he heard Sakura's voice gently cautioning him against moving just yet.

"Some of their weapons were poisoned," Sakura explained, her voice laced with worry. "I didn't detect any in you, but you'll need an antidote when we get back, just to be sure." Beads of sweat dotted her forehead, and her breath came in heavy gasps.

Worry evident in his expression, Kakashi propped himself up on his elbows and closely examined Sakura's condition. She seemed weary, her clothing bearing multiple tears. However, he couldn't detect any visible wounds on her, suggesting that she had already healed herself.

His gaze then wandered to their surroundings. They found themselves in another small clearing, sheltered from the biting wind by a towering boulder. The fading light indicated that he hadn't been unconscious for long.

Answering his unspoken question, Sakura said, "They suddenly fled, right after you fell..." She met Kakashi's gaze. Her frustration was evident. "What were those things, anyway?" she asked, her anger seeping through her words. "And what happened with you? You're normally much more formidable in battle." The warmth of Sakura's chakra dissipated as she finished healing his leg.

"I was distracted."

Despite the throbbing pain in his head, Kakashi sat up. Movement aggravated it further, but he pushed through, sitting motionless until it subsided.

Sakura's disbelief resonated in her voice as she repeated his words, "You were distracted...?" Shaking her head Sakura stood slowly up. "I'll make a fire."

Kakashi took a deep breath, trying to steady himself despite the lingering pain in his head. He had messed up again. How could someone mess up twice in twenty-four hours? An unforgivable act, to be so distracted during a fight. He was a jonin, god damned.

Moving slowly and carefully, he stood up and retrieved their backpacks. They had insulation blankets packed, which would provide some warmth in the cold. Sakura had managed to start a fire, but she appeared unsteady on her feet. She didn't look well, but Kakashi attributed it to exhaustion, much like himself.

Kakashi draped one blanket around himself and the other around Sakura, who stood shivering near the fire. She seemed on the verge of toppling over, so he gently guided her back toward him. Taking a seat with his back against the protective boulder, he settled Sakura between his legs, her back resting against his chest. Surprisingly, she didn't object and even allowed her head to rest against his shoulder. Holding her tightly, he silently urged the shivering to subside.

As they sat there, enveloped in each other's warmth, Kakashi couldn't help but breathe in Sakura's comforting scent. Slowly, he let his head rest against hers, his gaze fixed on the dancing flames. His thought went between her and the creatures. He wanted to address both topics and say nothing at all at the same time. After a short inner debate, he decided to get the creatures off his chest first. A part of him scoffed at it, blaming his cowardice again. But he wasn't evading the topic, or his feelings.

"I remembered something," Kakashi began, his voice filled with a mix of nostalgia and worry. Sakura made a soft sound, encouraging him to continue. "Years ago, I came across creatures similar to the ones we encountered. It was in a picture book about demons that I read as a child. The illustration bore a striking resemblance to those creatures."

"So, demons?" Sakura's voice was soft and fatigued. She continued to shiver, but Kakashi sensed something more severe, almost like convulsions.

"Sakura?" He sat up straight, recalling her earlier words. "Some of their weapons were poisoned." Fear tightened its grip around his heart. He carefully adjusted her position, wanting to see her face. Her eyes remained shut tightly, and her teeth were clenched. Beads of sweat rolled down her face, which had taken on an unsettling grayish hue.

"Sakura, look at me," he pleaded. Cupping her face with his hand, he gently stroked her cheek with his thumb. Slowly, Sakura's eyes fluttered open.

"I'm sorry," she uttered through clenched teeth. "By the time I noticed, it was too late."

"No, no, please, no," Kakashi's voice quivered with panic. He held her even closer. "Don't, Sakura. Please, don't leave." Desperation welled up inside him. He needed her to stay. "I meant to tell you something. Stay with me, Sakura. Don't go." Tenderly, he placed soft kisses on her forehead and closed eyelids, first with his mask on, then pulling it down.

"I'm sorry," Sakura whispered. Kakashi noticed the irregular pulsing of a vein in her neck. "I... really love... you."

Kakashi cradled her tightly, rocking her gently. His lips brushed against her face and lips. Finally, he could express the words he had longed to say all day.

"I love you, Sakura. I love you so much," he whispered into her hair.

As he sat there, holding Sakura in his arms while she struggled with each breath, he could feel his heart-shattering. The barriers she had begun to break down now collapsed completely. Where love was meant to grow, only an empty wasteland remained.

Back to the present. Somewhere in a cold room.

Kakashi lay there, blinking on the cold, damp stone floor. The wetness seeped into his clothes, sending shivers down his spine. Water droplets formed in the cracks above him, dripping rhythmically. One drop splashed onto his forehead, the icy sensation tracing a chilling path down his nose. He took a slow, trembling breath. It had been more than two years since he last had this haunting dream of Sakura's death. The woman he had seen... Kakashi shut his eyes tightly, desperate to push the memories away. She had looked so much like Sakura, but it couldn't have been her, right?

The memories of those days threatened to engulf him once more. It had nearly crushed him five years ago. Kakashi clenched his eyes shut, fighting against the relentless pull back into that darkness. Those days had been even worse than the aftermath of Rin's death. He had been consumed by severe post-traumatic stress disorder, and the weight had driven him to attempt suicide more than once. Only through the support of those around him had he managed to scrape together a fragile semblance of recovery.

Now, all those carefully hidden wounds were on the verge of tearing open again, exposing him to the depths of that torment. Kakashi squeezed his eyes tightly, contemplating whether succumbing to the frigid embrace of death would be a preferable alternative to facing those haunting memories once more.

TBC