Bella: *coming back* Okay, apparently this chapter is set in La Push too. So, what's been happening with the pack? Any new members?
Jacob: Yeah, Quil's joined now.
Bella: Oh, cool. Or not. I don't know, do you guys like it or not?
Jacob: Eh, there's good things and bad things. Having the strength and speed of a wolf is pretty cool…
Bella: Pretty sure you're a little stronger and faster than actual wolves.
Jacob: …on the other hand, we also have to deal with the wolf-like aggression.
Bella: Actually, wolves are normally only aggressive towards prey, and not humans.
Jacob: Then how do you explain Emily?
Bella: Because I'm pretty sure she's in denial about what happened there.
Jacob: Nah, she's pretty happy that Sam imprinted on her.
Bella: How does that work, anyway? Is it just you see a girl, and the two of you immediately fall in love?
Jacob: Kind of. The wolf falls in love, the girl doesn't necessarily have to though.
Bella: …this is going to get bad, isn't it?
Jacob: Take Sam and Emily for example. Before Sam changed, he was actually dating Leah Clearwater…
Bella: …wait, Harry's daughter?
Jacob: That's the one. She and her brother have really shot up in height recently, it's kinda weird. But anyway, when Sam changed, he ended up going missing for two weeks. Everyone just assumed he was on drugs, especially since when he came back, he was talking about being a wolf and running around the forest the whole time.
Bella: Wait, he straight up told people that's what happened?
Jacob: Yeah, but they also found he'd been eating peyote, so most people ignored him.
Bella: Most?
Jacob: Yeah, my dad, Harry, and Quil's grandfather knew about the whole wolf thing, since they'd seen it happen with their grandfathers, so they sat him down and explained everything to him.
Bella: What was that like?
Jacob: Sam wasn't too happy about getting what amounted to a second puberty talk, especially from a bunch of old men, but at least he knew what was happening.
Bella: And how's this relate to Emily?
Jacob: Oh, Emily's Leah's cousin.
Bella: You took until now to mention that?
Jacob: It didn't seem like an important detail.
Bella: Sam's previous girlfriend being the cousin of his fiancé didn't seem like an important detail to you?
Jacob: …okay, you might have a point.
Bella: Might?
Jacob: Anyway, Sam and Leah were doing just fine, until Emily came to town for a visit, giving Sam some weird feelings that he had to talk to the elders about, causing them to give him a third puberty talk, which was even more awkward because it actually involved sex this time.
Bella: So, if Emily's an out of towner, how in the hell did she take the whole "you have to marry a werewolf, who also happens to be your cousin's boyfriend?"
Jacob: Well, it was a little weird at first…
Bella: Sounds like you're underselling it.
Jacob: But then when Emily realised she basically had a dog that could do anything and everything she wanted, she was ecstatic.
Bella: So, if she was so onboard with this, why did Sam claw her?
Jacob: Well, she thought his wolf form was adorable, and wanted it pet it. Unfortunately, Sam wasn't completely in control of that form yet, and, well…
Bella: Oh, so it really was an accident? He didn't mean to raise his claws at her?
Jacob: Kinda, yeah.
Bella: How can that be a kinda? It seems like a straight forward yes or no.
Jacob: Well, a cat ran between him and Emily, and since wolves are basically just big dogs…well…he just kinda…
Bella: Yeah, I get it. So, has anyone else imprinted?
Jacob: Just Jared. He was lucky, he got a girl in his class who already had a crush on him, so they've been banging ever since.
Bella: You know that not every relationship requires banging, right?
Jacob: I know, but I also know that they have been banging, since we have the whole "know what everyone's thinking" thing when we're in wolf form.
Bella: Christ, that sounds awkward.
Jacob: I know, right? Because I saw your boobs that one time, now the whole pack has seen your boobs.
Bella: And now I have THAT to worry about?
Jacob: Don't worry, we've also already seen Emily and Kim's boobs.
Bella: And how do they feel about that?
Jacob: …they're fine with it?
Bella: Jacob…
Jacob: They don't know about it. And Sam and Jared have made it very clear what will happen to anyone who tells them about it.
Bella: I guess that's acceptable…
Jacob: Of course, it probably won't matter in 60 to 80 years.
Bella: Why? Because you'll all be dead?
Jacob: Well, they will be at least.
Bella: Wait, what?
Jacob: Yeah, wolves don't age.
Bella: AM I THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS GOD DAMN SERIES WHO'S GOING TO AGE?! That's it, I'm making him change me now *leaves*
Jacob: Are you actually leaving this time, or is this another fake out because Kieran didn't realise that the next chapter was still set in La Push? *hears Bella's truck start up* I'll take that as a maybe.