Bella: You know, despite Jacob being kind of a perv, it was good hanging out with him again. Why don't I do that more often *suddenly sees Edward's silver Volvo in the rear mirror* Oh, right, he gets jealous.
*meanwhile*
Edward: Oh good, she's back. Guess there's nothing to worry about.
*back with Bella*
Bella: …I should go to Angela's. Make Charlie happy that I'm hanging out with an actual human for once.
*at Angela's*
Angela: Hi Bella, ready to help with my graduation announcements?
Bella: Your what?
Angela: Silly Bella, you forgot you agreed to it, didn't you?
Bella: That seems like something I would do. Eh, how bad can it be?
Angela: Here's your half *opens the kitchen door to reveal thousands of pieces of paper*
Bella: HOLY SHIT! How many people are you telling?
Angela: Mum said I have to tell everyone with even the vaguest connection to me or a member of my family.
Bella: Uh huh *looks at one* Who is this person?
Angela: Oh, that's my mother's best friend's sister's husband's grandmother's sister-in-law's cousin's hairdresser's great aunt.
Bella: …why do they even need to know?
Angela: Because they'll be interested, duh.
Bella: …but why would they be interested? How does someone with such a vague connection even know you…
Angela: Just get to work.
Bella: This is because I was kind of a bitch to you at school, isn't it?
Angela: Damn right.
*later*
Charlie: How was Angela's?
Bella: I got permanent writer's cramp in my right hand, so I had to do half of the announcements with my left, which also has permanent writer's cramp.
Charlie: Excellent, you won't be giving out hand jobs then.
Bella: Not something I was doing to begin with…
Charlie: And you never will again.
Bella: Whatever, I'm going to my room.
Charlie: You better not be practicing hand jobs in there.
Bella: I don't…ugh, whatever.
*in her room*
Edward: Hi Bella.
Bella: Look, I know what you're going to say.
Edward: Silly Bella, I'm the mind reader, not you.
Bella: *ignoring him* You're going to say something about me going to see Jacob.
Edward: Well, yeah, but…
Bella: *still ignoring him* And it's going to be about how it was irresponsible because they're vicious monsters when they transform.
Edward: That's only partially true.
Bella: *still ignoring him* And how I shouldn't see him anymore because I might get killed by him or one of his friends, or by Victoria ambushing me on the way there.
Edward: That's not even half true.
Bella: But guess what? Jacob's my friend, and I want to keep seeing him.
Edward: I'd never forbid…
Bella: …and so no matter what, I'm going to keep heading down to La Push to see him. Is that understood?
Edward: Completely.
Bella: And don't tell me that I can't because…wait, have you just been agreeing with me this whole time?
Edward: I figured you needed to get your rant out of your system.
Bella: How are you not jealous about my friendship with Jacob?
Edward: Is there a reason for me to be?
Bella: …I mean, no, but…
Edward: Then why should I be?
Bella: …because men get jealous when another man is hanging around their girlfriend?
Edward: You learned that from Charlie, didn't you?
Bella: I really need to stop basing opinions on what he tells me.
*Thursday, after work*
Alice: Hi Bella.
Bella: What are you planning?
Alice: Why do you immediately assume I'm up to something?
Bella: Are you?
Alice: No… *sees Bella staring at her* …okay, look, Edward and the other guys have gone camping early, so I organised with Charlie to have a slumber party at our place. Just us girls for the weekend. Okay?
Bella: It's only Thursday.
Alice: So?
Bella: Plus, I've already made plans to see Jacob on Saturd…God damn it, you planned it this way, didn't you?
Alice: You know damn well how dangerous the wolves can be.
Bella: I also know they won't hurt me.
Alice: Really?
Bella: …intentionally. They won't hurt me intentionally.
Alice: And that's why you're staying with us this weekend.
*that night*
Esme: Bella, you're not being as enthusiastic as you were earlier.
Bella: That might be because it's 2AM.
Alice: So?
Bella: You realise I need to sleep at some point, right?
Alice: Sleep is for the weak.
Esme: And that's what Bella is, fragile human that she is.
Bella: You didn't need to phrase it like that.
Esme: Alice, take Bella to her room.
Alice: Okay.
Bella: It's okay, I can wa… *Alice picks her up and, before Bella can finish, deposits her in Edward's room and leaves* …lk. Damn it Alice, that wasn't necessary. Oh well, it's not like this night can get any weirder.
Rosalie: Hey, can we talk?
Bella: Don't you hate me or something?
Rosalie: Probably.