About a week after the encounter with Amy's mother the witch, Xander and Jesse went to hang out at the Bronze together, waiting for Buffy and Willow to get there. In the meantime, they both felt like being goofy for a while, so they danced - very badly - to the band's music. Xander attempted to socialize with the lead singer, who just gave him a sneering expression that roughly meant for him to bug off. Disappointed, the boys slunk off the dance floor together.

"Something tells me he's very anti-dork," said Jesse over the music.

"Shameful," said Xander. "And in this day and age."

They headed for the bar and discovered way too late that a classmate they didn't like had already taken up residence with some friends of his. Blayne had been a pain in their asses since eighth grade, and he'd only gotten more smug and unlikeable since. Not that anyone but Xander and Jesse seemed to notice.

"Seven," Blayne was saying, "including Cheryl. I'll tell you, though, her sister was lookin' to make it eight!"

"Ooo, Cheryl's sister?" asked one of his friends. "The one in college?"

Blayne nodded, dripping with smugness "Home for the holidays and lookin' for love! She's not my type, though. Girls really gotta have something to go with me."

Xander rolled his eyes. "Something like a lobotomy?" he asked.

The two boys looked at him, toxic masculinity oozing from their every pore. "How many times do you two score?" Blayne sneered.

Both boys blanched, their respective manhoods in check. "Well, uh…," Xander stammered.

"It's just a question," Blayne said with a mocking grin.

Xander fumbled for an answer, but Jesse found one first. "A true gentleman doesn't get any and tell," he said. "We respect our ladies."

The two boys snickered, clearly not buying it.

Xander spotted Buffy and Willow coming down the stairs and gripped Jesse by the shoulder. "Ooo! Come on, Jess! Duty calls!" He pulled his friend away from the bar and approached the girls, hoping Blayne and his friend would watch.

"Babes!" Xander exclaimed to the girls as he came up to them with his arms wide open and grabbed them both around the shoulders.

Buffy looked half-amused and half-disturbed. "What are you doing?"

"Work with me here," Xander whispered. "Blayne had the nerve to question our manliness. We're just gonna give him a visual."

"Yeah, we'll pay for drinks and stuff if you promise not to sue," agreed Jesse, looking mega-uncomfortable as he tried to put an arm around Willow.

Willow, however, threw her arms around Xander. "We'll show him!"

"I don't believe it," Buffy said suddenly.

Xander nodded. "I know, and after all my conquests."

Jesse snorted. "Dude, you're no better off than I am!"

Buffy, however, didn't seem to be looking at Blayne anymore. Her eye line directed itself at a tall broody-looking guy with a sloping forehead and dark expression. She immediately headed for him.

"Who's that?" asked Xander.

Willow got excited. "That must be Angel! I think?"

Xander frowned. "That weird guy that warned her about all the vampires?"

"That's him, I'll bet you."

"Well, he's buff! She never said anything about him being buff!"

"You think he's buff?"

"He's a very attractive man! How come that never came up?"

Jesse patted his friend on the shoulder. "Dude, chill out. You're gonna start frothing like a mad dog in a minute, and I left my uncle's shotgun at home."

They observed as Angel removed his jacket and put it around Buffy's shoulders, and that seemed to only intensify Xander's rage.

"Oh, right! Give her your jacket. It's a balmy night, no one needs to be trading clothing out there!"

Jesse sighed. "Dude, come on. Let's go buy Willow a drink before Blayne notices our less-than-stellar performance."

"Always a gentleman," Willow faux-swooned.

The next day, they found the girls on a bench in the school hallway chatting to Giles. Exchanging greetings with the Watcher as he departed, they sat down as well, with Xander and Jesse ready to share some news.

"Guess what I just heard in the office? No Dr. Gregory today. Ergo, those of us who blew off our science homework aren't as dumb as we look." He reached down and flipped Willow's book closed for emphasis, almost sending it off her lap.

"What happened, is he sick?" asked Willow.

"They didn't say anything about 'sick'," Jesse said. "Something about 'missing'."

Buffy looked worried. "He's missing?"

"Well, let me think," said Xander, taking an exaggerated thinking pose. "Um, the cheerleaders were modeling their new short skirts, that kinda got…" He paused to think about that before Jesse snapped his fingers in front of his face. "Yeah! Yeah, they said 'missing'." When Buffy and Willow looked at each other with concern, he looked confused. "Which is bad?"

"If something's wrong, yeah!" snapped Buffy.

"He's one of the only teachers that doesn't think Buffy's a felon," whispered Willow.

Xander winced. "I'm really sorry, I'm sure he'll…"

He trailed off when something entered his field of vision, and they saw a very attractive woman walking toward them.

"Holy Moses," Jesse breathed, feeling remarkably smitten.

Xander couldn't manage more than stuttering like a moron as the woman walked right up to them.

"Could you help me?" she asked.

Both boys stared blankly at her, their brains not quite working at full capacity, until Xander managed to get out, "Uhhhh… Yes!"

"I'm looking for Science 109."

Jesse's brain locked up in his head. "... I swear I knew the answer to that ten seconds ago," he said nervously.

Xander laughed awkwardly. "Yeah, I mean, we go there every day!"

Natalie laughed a very pleasant laugh that riled them both up briefly.

Xander looked back to Buffy and Willow. "Oh, God, where is it?" he asked frantically, but the girls could only shrug helplessly, both smiling in amusement.

At that moment, Blayne appeared behind Natalie and introduced himself with a very smug grin. "Hi! Blayne Mall. I'm going there right now. It's not far from the varsity field where I took All-City last year."

Natalie smiled. "Oh! Thank you, Blayne!" She and Blayne turned and walked away, with the other boy giving Xander and Jesse a very mocking look.

The two boys watched them leave momentarily before leaning against the wall and sliding back down onto the bench in perfect unison.

"It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to," sighed Xander sadly.

"Man, that woman just lit up hormones I didn't know I had," said Jesse, fanning himself with a discarded sheet of paper.

"Okay, down, boys," said Buffy teasingly. "We're not allowed to fraternize with the staff."

Jesse smirked self-deprecatingly. "Yeah… so we'll have to wait until she's not substituting anymore before we start pursuing."

Later in the day, Buffy, Willow, Xander and Jesse walked in to find Miss French writing her name on the board. Buffy spotted the usual teacher Dr. Gregory's glasses on the floor and picked them up.

"What's wrong?" asked Willow.

"Dr. Gregory dropped his glasses…," she murmured. "Why wouldn't he pick them up?"

Jesse shrugged. "Maybe he was in a hurry? My dad forgets his car keys all the time."

Buffy set the glasses on the lab table and gave Natalie a glance as she walked to her stool.

Miss French faced the class. "My name is Natalie French, and I will be substituting for Dr. Gregory," she said.

Buffy fidgeted. "Do you know when he's coming back?"

"No, I don't, um," she paused to check the roster, "Buffy. They just call and tell me where they want me."

Jesse heard Blayne mutter under his breath. "I'll tell you where I want you."

"Excuse me, Blayne?" asked Miss French.

Blayne stuttered in surprise. "Uh, I was just wondering if you were gonna pick up where Dr. Gregory left off."

Nice save, Jesse thought ironically.

"Yes. His notes tell me you were right in the middle of insect life." She picked up a mantis mounted in a clear plastic box. "The praying mantis is a fascinating creature. Forced to live alone. Who can tell me why? Buffy?"

Buffy smiled with uncertainty. "Well, the words 'bug-ugly' kinda spring to mind."

A lot of kids tried not to laugh.

Miss French smiled, apparently amused. "There is nothing ugly about these unique creatures. The reason they live alone is because they're cannibals!"

"Eww!" squealed Buffy, and everyone in class shared her disgust.

"Oh, well, it's hardly their fault!" Miss French said, sounding almost offended. "It's the way nature designed them: noble, solitary and prolific. Over eighteen thousand species worldwide, and in nearly all of them the female is larger and more aggressive than the male."

Blayne leered at Buffy. "Nothing wrong with an aggressive female."

The Slayer simply gave him a look that could have chilled a six-pack.

Miss French picked up her notebook and started to walk around the room. "The California Mantis lays her eggs, and then finds a mate…" She paused to look at Xander. He stared back, slightly bewildered. "…to fertilize them. Once he's played his part, she covers the eggs in a protective sack and attaches it to a leaf or twig out of danger. Now, if she's done her job correctly, in a few months she'll have several hundred offspring."

She made her way back to the front of the class and put down her notebook.

"You know, we should make some model egg sacks for the science fair. Who would like to help me do that after school?"

All the boys raised their hands, including Jesse and Xander, much to the astonishment of Buffy and Willow.

When lunchtime rolled around, Buffy, Willow, Jesse and Xander got their meals in line.

"Hot Dog Surprise," deadpanned Buffy. "Be still, my heart."

"Call me old-fashioned," said Willow, wrinkling her nose. "I don't want any more surprises in my hot dogs."

Jesse nodded. "After that field trip to the slaughter house, regular hot dogs are gross enough for me already."

Xander, however, had thoughts of a different topic. "I wonder what she sees in me? It's probably the quiet good looks coupled with a certain smoky magnetism."

Jesse rolled his eyes. "Knock it off, dude. You're reading way too much into it."

Xander scoffed. "You're just jealous because she had a prolonged held gaze with me and not you!"

"That… is beside the point!"

Xander smirked. "You're probably a little young to understand what an older woman would see in a younger man."

Buffy grinned. "Oh, I understand. The younger man is too dumb to wonder why an older woman can't find someone her own age, and too desperate to care about the surgical improvements!"

Xander blinked. "What surgical improvements?"

Willow sighed sadly. "Well, he is young."

"And so terribly innocent!" added Buffy.

Xander gave an indignant splutter. "Hey, those that can, do. Those that can't laugh at those who… can do," he finished lamely.

Blayne came up next to Xander, getting lots of food on his tray. "Gotta carb up for my one-on-one with Miss French today," he boasted. "When's yours? Oh, right, tomorrow. You came in second, I came in first. Guess that's what they call natural selection." With another smirk, he left.

Xander floundered briefly for a retort. "Guess it's what they call a rehearsal!" When the others didn't laugh, he looked at them hopefully. "Rehearsal…," he repeated.

"Yeah, we heard you," Jesse said, patting his shoulder.

Buffy went to get some utensils. As she walked back, Cordelia came in through the exit and bumped into her.

"Excuse you!" she sneered. She went behind the counter, showing a piece of paper to the cafeteria workers. "Medically prescribed lunch," she said snottily. "My doctor ships it daily… I'll only be here as long as I can hold my breath." She opened the refrigerator and screamed.

Buffy, Xander, Willow and Jesse ran to see all the hubbub. Cordelia backed away from the fridge, straight into Jesse, whom she immediately gripped in fear. "His head! His head! Oh, my God, where's his head?!"

Buffy stared in disbelief while the others looked away in fearful disgust.

The name on the body's lab coat read 'Dr. Gregory'.

With the school more or less thrown into disarray over what happened, most classes got cut short, allowing the gang to meet with Giles in the library. He brought a glass of water over to Buffy, who sat on the steps with Willow. The Slayer had been crying, distraught over the death of one of the few decent teachers in school.

Xander found his voice. "I've never seen… I mean, I've never seen anything like… That was new."

"Who would wanna hurt Dr. Gregory?" Willow wondered.

Giles mulled it over. "Uh, he didn't have any enemies on the staff that I'm aware of. He was a civilized man. I liked him."

"It's always the good teachers," Jesse muttered bitterly.

"Well, we're gonna find out who did this," Willow said firmly. "We'll find them, and we'll stop them."

Buffy agreed, still sniffling slightly. "Count on it."

"What do we know?" asked Giles.

"Oh, not a lot, um…," Buffy paused to wipe some tears from her eyes. "He was killed here on campus. I'm guessing the last day we saw him."

"How do you work that out?"

"He didn't change his clothing."

"Plus, we saw his glasses on the desk in his classroom," added Jesse.

Xander squirmed briefly before speaking up, "This is a question that no one particularly wants to hear, but… where did they put his head?"

Willow blanched. "Good point. I didn't wanna hear that."

Buffy stood up, realizing. "Angel! He warned me that something was coming."

"Yes," remembered Giles, having talked to her about that before. "Yes he did, didn't he? I wish I knew what he meant. I've been trying to gather more information about the Master, our, uh, local vampire king. There was one oblique reference to a vampire who displeased the Master and cut his hand off in penance."

Buffy frowned. "Cut off his hand and replaced it with a fork?"

Giles shook his head. "I don't know what he replaced it with."

"So, why would he come after a teacher?" Xander asked.

"I'm not certain he did. There was an incident two nights ago…" Giles walked over to the counter, picked up a newspaper and returned with it. "Involving a homeless person in Weatherly Park. He was practically shredded, but, uh, nothing like Dr. Gregory."

Buffy looked at the article. "Fork Guy doesn't do heads."

"Not historically."

"And Dr. Gregory's blood wasn't drained."

"So there's something else out there?" asked Xander. "Besides Silverwareman?"

Jesse sighed tiredly. "Monsters of all shapes and sizes - come and see 'em on the Hellmouth."

Giles nodded despite the sarcasm. "Well, unpleasant things do gravitate here, it's true, but, uh, we don't know there's anything besides this chap. He's still our likely suspect."

"Where was that guy killed? Weatherly Park?" Buffy asked.

Giles advanced toward her with a very stern yet caring expression. "I know you're upset, but this is no time to go hunting, not until we know more. Please promise me you won't do anything rash?"

Buffy smiled. "Cross my heart."

The next day, Jesse sat in science class again, forced to undergo a pop quiz. He didn't care how hot the teacher was - anyone who forced an unexpected quiz on their student must be truly evil. Not that it stopped him from checking her out as she went past, keeping an eye on them.

Miss French caught him looking and apparently thought he'd been cheating. "Keep your eyes straight ahead on your own test."

Jesse shrunk back, deciding he'd rather her believe he'd been cheating than eyeballing her. He focused back on his quiz, and then heard her voice again.

"I think you meant 'pollination' for number fourteen."

He looked up and saw her standing over Xander, putting a hand on his shoulder and giving him a very significant look. He looked somewhere between stunned and elated.

"I'll see you here after school," she added.

Jesse shook his head, mega-annoyed. Why the hell did Xander attract the hot science teacher and not him? What did he lack so badly that his best friend supposedly had? He didn't even really try with his quiz, too bitter for focusing on mitosis. He wrote a few answers, then glanced up again. He saw Miss French standing straight and apparently just looking around. He almost looked at his test again, but then he saw Buffy at the door, and she looked through the window like she'd just seen something utterly horrifying. He glanced at Xander, but he still focused on his test, so whatever it was, they'd both missed it.

With little left to do, Jesse got back to his quiz and finished it, not really bothering with the answers. Something told him more important things were going on.

After school, Xander met Jesse at his locker, looking like an excited puppy. "Dude, today's the day! I'm gonna see Miss French when school is over!"

"Great," Jesse said half-heartedly, trying to focus more on his books.

"This is it, I can feel it. The end of Xander Harris - Dateless Wonder. Now's the beginning of Xander Harris - Date Magnet! What do you think? I'm thinking of making that my official letterhead."

Jesse grimaced. "Yeah, now you just need people to write letters to you so you can use it."

Xander seemed to finally clock in on the uninterested tone in his best friend's tone. "Something wrong, man? I mean, I'd like to think I have the support and encouragement of my best friend."

Jesse slammed his locker shut as he hefted his text book under his arm. "Yeah, great, man," he said. "Real happy for you. Thrilled. Over the moon. Just promise you won't forget your so-called 'best friend' when you go off and get all your new magnetic women."

Xander blinked, as if finally realizing what his friend's problem was. "Hey, look, I'm sorry, man. It's not my fault she prefers me over you." Off the annoyed expression he got, he floundered briefly. "Er… maybe she's got a hot sexy teacher friend I can hook you up with?"

Jesse glared at him. "Dude, you just… We've always gone through this stuff as a team, y'know? Like, yeah, we're dateless losers, but at least we were dateless losers together."

Xander looked indignant. "Yeah, well, what's that mean? I can't ever meet anyone? I have to wait for you to catch up with me before I can get some? Look, I'm sorry you've spent your whole existence hung up on Cordelia Chase, but I want to move on with my life!"

"Oh, like she's going to actually be a part of your life!" Jesse sneered. "She's gotta be at least a decade and a half older than you!"

Xander sneered right back. "You know what? You're just jealous! Yeah! Because she noticed me and not you! Well, I'm sorry I can't control which of us is more appealing to older women! Suck it up and deal with it! I'm sorry I expected you to be supportive of me!" And he stormed off up the hallway.

Jesse glared after him, then closed his eyes in despair as he slumped against the lockers. He couldn't believe he'd just done that. He and Xander had had their tiffs, certainly, but nothing like that. Actually arguing over a girl.

A moment later, he heard footsteps heading his way, and he saw Buffy and Willow running up, looking worried.

"Jes! You gotta come on! Library meeting!" Willow said urgently.

"What's up?" he asked as they grabbed his arm and hustled him away.

"Miss French might be possessed by the devil!"

"Oh… Is it bad that I find that a relief?"

Buffy explained everything as they entered the library, including the forked-hand vampire that had run away and hid when it saw Miss French walk by, not to mention a strange head-turning during class. "No, I'm not saying she craned her neck. We are talking about a full-on Exorcist twist."

Willow winced. "Ouch!"

"Which reminds me," she continued, "how come Blayne, who worked with her one-on- one yesterday, isn't here today?"

Jesse frowned thoughtfully. "I didn't even notice that," he murmured. Then, he shrugged. "I mean, I often imagine a world where he doesn't exist, so that's probably why."

Buffy saw Giles and ran over to him while Willow started working at the nearest computer. "Any luck?"

Giles shook his head. "Um, I've not found any creature as of yet that strikes terror in a vampire's heart."

"Try looking under things that can turn their heads all the way around."

"Nothing human can do that."

"No, nothing human. There are some insects that can. Whatever she is, I'm gonna be ready for her." She turned and hopped up the stairs to the stacks.

Giles removed his glasses, proving this must be serious. "What are you going to do?"

"My homework," she replied, continuing up into the stacks. "Where are the books on bugs?"

A few minutes later, Buffy came out of the stacks with a book. "Dig this," she announced excitedly. "'The praying mantis can rotate its head one hundred and eighty degrees while waiting for its next meal to walk by.'" She slammed the book shut triumphantly. "Ha!"

They all stared blankly at her.

"Well, c'mon, guys. Ha!"

Willow squirmed. "Well, Miss French is sort of big. For a bug?"

Giles nodded in agreement. "And she is, by and large, woman-shaped."

"I can vouch for that," agreed Jesse.

Buffy made her way down to them, annoyed they hadn't followed her logic. "Okay. Factoid one: Only the praying mantis can rotate its head like that. Factoid two: A pretty whacked-out vampire is scared to death of her. Factoid three: Her fashion sense screams predator."

Willow automatically nodded. "It's the shoulder pads."

Buffy nodded. "Exactly."

Giles pondered. "If you're right, then she'd have to be a shape-shifter or a perception-distorter. On a helpful note, I had a chum at Oxford, Carlyle, advanced degrees in entomology mythology."

Buffy frowned. "Entomawho?"

"Bugs and fairy tales."

"I knew that."

"If I recall correctly, poor old Carlyle, just before he went mad, claimed there was some beast…"

Willow's computer suddenly beeped. "Buffy, nine-one-one! Blayne's mom called the school. He never came home last night."

Giles looked alarmed. "The boy who worked with Miss French yesterday?"

Willow nodded excitedly. "Yeah! If Miss French is responsible for…" Her expression fell. "Xander's supposed to be helping her right now! He's got a crush on a giant insect!"

Jesse felt the blood drain from his face. "Oh crap."

Buffy put a hand on his shoulder. "Okay, don't panic, I'll warn him. But I need you to hack onto the coroner's office for me."

Willow nodded nervously. "Well, what are we looking for?"

"Autopsy on Dr. Gregory. I've been trying to figure out these marks that I saw on his corpse… I'm thinking they were teeth. And, uh, these cuddlies?" She pointed to a picture of a mantis in the book. "Should definitely be brushing after every meal."

Willow typed at the computer while talking to Giles. "And you were saying something about a beast?"

Giles went to go to his office. "Oh, uh, yes, I just need to make one transatlantic telephone call." He stopped and turned back. "Um, this computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office," he stammered. "One assumes it is entirely legal?"

"Entirely!" said Willow brightly.

"Totally!" agreed Jesse.

"Of course!" added Buffy.

Giles nodded distantly. "Right. Wasn't here, didn't see it, couldn't have stopped you."

"Thanks, boss," grinned Jesse.

Sometime later, Buffy found Xander in the hallway and caught up with him.

"Hey!" she called out, checking briefly for signs of injury. "So, how'd it go with Miss French?"

Xander had an undeniable swagger. "Well, it's a bit demanding being her absolute favorite guy in the universe, but I'll muddle through."

"Xander, she's not what she seems."

"I know, she's so much more," he said dreamily.

Buffy winced. "Okay, um… I'm gonna have to tell you something about her, and I'm gonna need you to really listen, okay?"

Xander looked vaguely concerned. "Okay…"

"I don't think she's human."

"I see. So if she's not human, she's…"

"Technically? A big bug."

Xander started laughing.

Buffy allowed that. "This sounds really weird, I'm aware of that…"

"It doesn't sound weird at all, I completely understand. I've met someone, and you're jealous."

Buffy returned his statement with a blank stare. "What?"

Xander smiled condescendingly. "Look, there's nothing I can do about it. Uh, there's just this certain chemical thing between Miss French and me."

Buffy, although disturbed, soldiered on with her explanation. "I know, I read all about it, it's called, um, a pheromone. It's a chemical attractant that insects give off."

"She's not an insect! She's a woman, okay? And hard as that may be for you to conceive, an actual woman finds me attractive. I mean, first Jesse can't be bothered to be happy for me, and now you're trying to stop me?"

"Jesse what?"

But Xander continued as if she hadn't spoken. "I realize it's no mystery guy handing out leather jackets, and while we're on the subject, what kind of a girlie name is 'Angel' anyway?"

Buffy felt very lost now. "What does that have to do with…?"

"Nothing! It just kinda bugs me. Look, I really gotta…" He turned and exited as fast as he could, leaving Buffy looking extremely confused.

Willow and Jesse continued researching for a while longer while Giles spoke on the phone with someone. Buffy entered, looking very frustrated. "He won't listen! Says I'm 'jealous'! What does he think I'm jealous of?"

"His head is fully inserted up his ass," Jesse grumbled.

Buffy eyed him critically. "So you guys did have a fight?"

Jesse's eyes darted away, and he had the decency to look ashamed. "I… might have said some things… Mind you, this was before I knew Miss French was a giant man-eating bug."

"You guys seriously got in a fight over her?"

"It was more than just her!" Jesse snapped defensively. "It's just… Xander and I have always kinda been in the same boat, y'know? The dateless losers. We've always been tight. Then, suddenly, he gets a date, and it's like… I'm all on my dateless self over here." He stuck his hands in his pockets and shrugged helplessly. "It's not so bad being a loser when there are other losers with you."

Buffy's expression turned sympathetic as she put a hand on his arm. "Jess, look - even if Xander had gotten a date with a human girl from his own decade, he'd still be your friend. And one day, you'll meet someone, too. But if you're really friends, you've got to have each other's backs - even if you're mad with jealousy. Okay?"

Jesse smiled slightly and nodded. He still looked sad, but at least he acknowledged the wisdom in Buffy's words.

Giles emerged from his office looking exhausted. Clearly, it had been a rough phone call.

"Dr. Ferris Carlyle," he began, "spent years transcribing a lost pre-Germanic language. What he discovered he kept to himself until several teenage boys were murdered in the Cotswolds. Then he went hunting for it."

"It being…?" Buffy asked.

"Uh, he calls her a She-Mantis. This type of creature, the Kleptes-Virgo, or virgin-thief, appears in many cultures. The Greek sirens, the Celtic sea maidens, who tore the living flesh from the bones of, um…" He faltered during the description.

Buffy hurried him along. "Giles, while we're young!"

"Uh, well, basically the, uh, the She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and then lures innocent virgins back to her nest."

Buffy frowned. "Virgins? Well, Xander's not a, uh…"

"Ohhhh, yes, he is," sighed Jesse heavily. "Just like the rest of us." He glanced at Giles apologetically. "Us that are under eighteen. Sorry."

Willow immediately panicked. "Oh God, he's gonna die!" she wailed as she ran for the phone.

Buffy paced, trying to keep up with her thoughts. "Okay, okay, so this thing is breeding and we need to find it and snuff it. Any tips on the snuffing part?" she asked Giles.

"Uh, Carlyle recommends cleaving all body parts with a sharp blade."

"Right, we'll reduce her to a pile of Julian Fries," Jesse nodded.

Giles looked stern. "Well, whatever you do, it had better be certain and swift. This beast is extremely dangerous."

Buffy shrugged. "Well, your buddy Carlyle faced it, and he's still around."

"Yes, in a straitjacket, howling his innards out day and night."

"Okay, Admiral, way to inspire the troops!"

"Sorry…"

Willow finished her phone call and ran back. "I just called Xander's mom! He's not home! He told his mom he was going to his teacher's house to work on a science project. He didn't tell her where."

"See if you can get her address off the substitute rolls," ordered Buffy before turning to Giles. "And you need to record bat sonar, and fast!"

Giles blinked, confused. "Bat sonar, right. What?"

"Bats eat them," Buffy explained, directing him to the stairs. "The mantis hears sonar, its entire nervous system goes kablooey."

Giles still looked lost. "Where am I gonna find…?"

"In the vid library? There're no books, but it's dark and musty, you'll feel right at home, go!" She took a deep breath and thought for a moment. "I guess I'll handle the armory." She turned and ran off.

Giles looked blankly at Jesse, who rolled his eyes. "Come on, English. I'll show you how videos work."

"I'm not a complete novice! I just… prefer books."

Jesse clapped him on the shoulder. "Then allow me to introduce you to the 1990s."

Fortunately, Jesse knew enough about the video library to make a decent recording of bat sonar. He and Giles delivered it just as Willow got Miss French's address. Turns out she'd been substitute teaching for over ninety years. However, when they arrived at the house, it turned out the real Natalie French was an old woman who hadn't taught since 1972. That meant she could be anywhere.

As they returned to Giles' car, they tried to figure out what to do. Willow was all set going from door to door, but Buffy located the manhole where she said the Claw Guy had disappeared during the altercation with the She-Mantis. It didn't take her long to find him, capture him and tie his "hands" behind his back. They then shoved him along the street, using him as a makeshift She-Mantis Detector and forced him along while the others followed.

"Come on! Come on, where is she? Which house is it? I know you're afraid of her, I saw you! Come on!"

The Claw Guy began to react to something, possibly the Mantis' presence.

"Come on," said Buffy forcefully. "What? What is it? This is her, isn't it, this is her house? This is it! Better than radar!" She let go of him, but Claw Guy cut the ropes with his blades before taking a swing at Buffy, but she leaned back in time, only to trip and fall backward over the miniature picket fence running along the walk to the house.

Jesse, however, broke ranks and ran for the house.

"Jesse, stop!" Buffy shouted.

"You handle the vamp, Buffinator!" he shouted over his shoulder. "I'll distract the Mantis until you're ready!" He slammed into the front door and ran inside. He didn't have to look for long. He immediately heard the voice of his best friend somewhere below him.

"HEEEEELP! HEEEEELP!"

Realizing it came from the basement, Jesse ran over, ripped the door open and stumbled down the stairs two at a time. He immediately found the giant She-Mantis looming over Xander, who lay flat on his back, strapped down and trying to escape. Thinking quickly, he spotted a discarded metal bar - looked like it belonged to a cage - and whacked the Mantis over the back of the head with it.

"Hey, get off of him!" he shouted.

The Mantis turned her head around and hissed furiously at him.

"Looking for a virgin?" Jesse continued, summoning whatever bravery he had. "Well, guess what! I'm twice the virgin he is! Take me!"

Xander's eyes widened in horror as the Mantis started to turn towards him. "No, stop!" he yelled, trying to sit up. "I'm way more virgin than he is!"

The Mantis turned at his voice, but Jesse kept it up. "No, me! I'm so virgin, I'm practically olive oil!"

"No, me!" Xander insisted. "I'm such a virgin, I thought areolas was a geometrical term!"

"Oh yeah? Well I'm such a virgin, I don't even know what bras really look like!"

"I don't even know what a woman's sexual organ is called! Is it a 'virginia'?"

The Mantis went back and forth between the two of them, trying to catch at least one of them, but they talked in such big circles around her, she couldn't keep up.

"Hey, Xan-man," Jesse said, still swinging the metal bar. "This reminds me of that Mystery Science Theater we saw back in February, remember? The Deadly Mantis?"

Xander immediately began laughing as he remembered, still strapped down. "Yeah! Remember our favorite line from that?"

In perfect unison, they said, "But I got a mantis in my pant-is!"

The Mantis howled furiously as the two boys laughed, and Jesse continued to fight her off, dodging and swinging.

Then, almost to her relief, the small basement window smashed open, and in came Buffy, carrying a bag. Jesse immediately moved aside to let her work.

"Uh, hey, o-over here, hello!" a frightened voice shouted. "In the cage!"

Jesse turned and saw Blayne, trapped in the cage and looking very frightened. "Oh, there he is!" he said brightly. "Wondered what happened to him."

As Willow and Giles climbed in the window, Buffy pulled two cans of insect spray from the bag and sprayed the Mantis in the face. It disoriented the Mantis long enough for Willow to free Blayne, as the once-cool boy begged for help.

Buffy pulled the tape recorder and a machete from her bag while Giles undid the leather straps holding Xander. Jesse moved aside as the Mantis hurried back to her nest. Buffy started to close in on her.

"Remember Dr. Gregory? You scarfed his head? Yeah, well, he taught me, you do your homework, you learn stuff. Like what happens to your nervous system when you hear this!"

She played the tape. Instead of the bat sonar, she heard Giles' voice. "... extremely important to file not simply alphabetically…"

"Other side, Buff!" Jesse groaned.

But the Mantis knocked the tape recorder and machete from Buffy's hands. The recorder flew over to Giles, hit the ground and slid under a refrigerator, leaving him scrambling after it.

Buffy turned her attention back on the Mantis. It tried to trip Buffy, but she jumped over her claw. Xander came up next to her with a can of bug spray and sprayed it into the giant bug's face. Buffy pushed him away from danger, and the Mantis took the opportunity to knock her down. She raised herself onto her hands and one leg, and with the other did two crouching side kicks to Natalie's legs to keep her at bay.

Giles searched under the refrigerator, muttering to himself.

Buffy kicked again. She saw the machete on the floor and grabbed it.

Giles finally got the recorder, jumped around on the floor with the recorder in front of him and played the tape. The sounds of bat sonar severely hurt and disorient the Mantis. She flailed her claws around in pain.

"Bat sonar," Buffy said triumphantly. "Makes your whole nervous system go to Hell. You can go there with it!"

She slashed at the Mantis fiercely and repeatedly with the machete, hacking her to pieces. After several seconds of carnage, she stepped back, winded but triumphant. Everyone gathered around the mess, taking it in.

"Well," said Giles, straightening his glasses. "I'd say it's deceased."

"And dissected," added Willow, wrinkling her nose at it.

Xander looked at Buffy awkwardly. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded, still getting her breath back.

"Just for the record, you were right, I'm an idiot, and God bless you!" He looked at the others. "And thank you guys, too."

"Yeah, really!" Blayne added, reminding them all that he still existed.

"Pleasure…," Giles replied distastefully.

"I'm really glad you're okay," added Willow. "It's so unfair how she only went after virgins."

Xander laughed nervously and looked back and forth between his friends. "What?"

Willow continued on cluelessly. "I mean, here you guys are, doing the right thing, the smart thing, when a lot of other boys your age…"

Blayne's gratitude evaporated immediately. "Flag down on that play, babe. I am not…"

Giles interrupted, wiping his glasses. "Well, you see, that's the She-Mantis' modus operandi. Uh, she only preys on the pure."

Jesse grinned. "That's right. We're all virgins here, Blayne."

Blayne glared fiercely at them. "My dad's a lawyer. Anyone repeats this to anybody, they're gonna find themselves facing a lawsuit."

Xander rolled his eyes. "Blayne! Shut up!"

Willow still didn't seem to realize what the big deal was. "I don't think it's bad, I think it's really…" Xander held up the machete. "… Sweet! It's certainly nothing I'll ever bring up again," she finished quickly.

Xander took the machete over to Natalie's nest, looked it over and started hacking away at it. By the time he finished, there was nothing left.

The next day, Jesse went to his locker as per usual and got out his science book. Just as he shut the door, he saw Xander approaching with a sheepish look on his face. "Hey, Jess," he said quietly.

An awkward silence descended between them as they looked at each other.

Finally, Xander found his voice. "Listen, I'm sorry about yesterday. The fight, the self-endangerment, the unwarranted amounts of masculinity…"

Jesse held up a hand to silence him. "Well, to be fair, I didn't exactly handle it all that well, either. You're my friend, and I should've been more supportive of you meeting someone." He paused and frowned. "Although, now that we're not being affected by her buggy pheromones, in a normal situation, I think neither of us would have been all that ready to… ahem, 'fertilize' with an adult woman teacher."

Xander shrugged. "I mean, we can just say it was pheromones. Sounds better than 'horny teenage stupidity'."

Jesse laughed. "So, basically, we were both idiots."

"As is our way."

They both chuckled and hugged it out.

"Oh good," sneered a familiar voice, and they both looked to see Cordelia walking by. "You two losers finally hooked up. Maybe now the sad puppy will stop following me around," she said, glaring at Jesse as she left.

Jesse looked at Xander, then grinned after the departing cheerleader. "It's okay, Cordelia. If you see another headless body, I'll be right there to comfort you like last time."

She whirled around with a mortified look on her face. "Don't you dare…!"

But the two boys were already laughing and high-fiving as they turned and walked away, their friendship restored.