Floating Salmon: Dakota, Gwen, Jasmine, Zoey, Cameron, Justin, Sam
Confused Bears: Alejandro, Beardo, Leonard, Tyler, Bridgette, Sugar
Episode 02: I Love You, Grease Pig!
"Last time, on Total Drama Pahkitew Island!" Chris said over a shot of the new island from afar, the capstone theme beginning in the background. "It's an all-new season with an all-new island," he said as the recap montage opened with shots of the cave, the waterfall, and the elimination area. "And all-new victims!" he added gleefully over clips of the contestants in the zeppelin. "I mean...competitors!" the host corrected with a laugh over a clip of Tyler talking to Bridgette.
"Two incredible teams were created," Chris continued as the seven members of the Floating Salmon rose up from behind the stumps and bushes they'd chosen as cover for the first part of the challenge. "And by incredible," the members of the Floating Salmon were shown reacting to Dakota getting hit in the head by a tennis ball, "I mean incredibly weird." Sam tried to lift Cameron to his feet, only for the bubble boy to immediately fall over again.
"The first challenge was to build themselves a home," the host said as Tyler was shown tripping over a rock for his team, followed by the group shot of several campers searching the junk pile after Chef had been knocked out. "And the Salmon's tree fort was a hands-down winner," he added as the winning team was shown watching the stampeding moose herd from the balcony of their new shelter, "when compared to the Bears' collapsing hangar," he said as the hangar was shown collapsing to the horror of its builders.
"And for doing nothing but talking about nothing," Chris said over clips of Staci obliviously talking about her nonexistent family members, "and, well, being annoying in general, Staci was the first one to be fired away in our Cannon of Shame!" Staci was shown being blasted into the night, ending the recap montage.
"So, what firsts can we expect during our second challenge?" Chris asked the camera, standing against the dawn sky. "Find out soon, on Total!" The shot jumped backward to show him standing on the natural arch leading to the elimination area. "Drama! Paaaaaahkitew Island!"
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[Though the sequence remained short, it opened much the same as it had in previous seasons – a shift into letterbox format for a shot of a rocky forest waterfall, a stagelight rotating up from behind some rocks and turning on. Then a shiny spotlight swings down from the unseen branches of some mossy, mushroom-ridden tree. The shot moves to a pond where a brown bear wearing a scuba mask sits in the water glaring at a frog on a lily pad, both animals looking surprised as the lily pad is suddenly lifted into the air by a security camera rising up from below it. A seagull perched on a rock on the beach is flattened by a panel in the rock slamming down on it, another camera emerging from within, and a pair of white-skinned hands clap a film slate in front of the main camera.
As the film slate is pulled away the scene transitions to a rocky stream, and the camera flies forward to see Dakota, flashing a pose in front of an annoyed Chris. He shoves her out of the way just as the camera passes and the lyrics start.]
I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)
[The camera quickly flies through the pine trees, landing on Gwen and Zoey picking berries from a bush. They look to the right to see Justin smiling with his hands on his hips, and the girls swoon in delight as the camera quick-pans away.
It lands on Cameron, Staci, and Sugar standing on top of a cliff. Staci is going on and on about something, prompting an irritated Sugar to shove her off the cliff, much to Cameron's shock.]
I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)
[The camera quick-pans downward to show Staci falling past Bridgette and Jasmine, the two scaling the side of the cliff. They look back over their shoulders to watch the girl fall with blank and confused looks.
Another quick-pan takes the camera to Alejandro sitting on a rock and plugging his ears in frustration. To the right is Leonard, casting a so-called spell with his stick. And on the left is Beardo, beatboxing through his mouth.
The camera moves to the left to show Sam and Tyler. Sam is playing a video game and cheers after beating a level, only to stop when Tyler knocks himself out while playing with his yo-yo.
The lyrics end there, and the camera suddenly flies forward through the cloud coming from the spray can to emerge at the roaring campfire. The usual whistling finishes begins as Dakota and Sam are shown sitting together by the fire. Dakota is listening to a call on her phone and Sam is playing on his GameGuy, only for Chris to suddenly step forward and confiscate their electronics, making the two stop and sag in disappointment.
The camera pulls back to reveal the full cast – Cameron, Staci, Bridgette, Gwen, Leonard, Beardo, and Jasmine on the left next to Sam and Chris; Justin, Sugar, Tyler, Alejandro, and Zoey next to Dakota with Chef standing behind them.
The misshapen signpost on the gateway to the elimination area read 'Total Drama Pahkitew Island' in big block letter over three lines.]
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A pleasant, lilting tune began as the episode opened on Pahkitew Island, the sun only just rising out from between the peaks of its hills as the shot moved to the Floating Salmon's treefort.
Surprisingly, Jasmine wasn't sleeping inside the fort. She tied a rope over her leg to the tree for safety. As she woke up, she yawned, untied the rope, and hopped down onto the deck of the fort with a loud thud.
"Huh? What are you doing?" Dakota peeped her head out the window. "You woke me up, and if I don't get my beauty sleep, I'll lose it!"
"I'm going to forage for some food," Jasmine explained.
"Forage? What does that mean?" a stumped Dakota asked the outback girl.
"It means searching for food," Jasmine defined. "Do you wanna help me? Four hands are better than two."
"I'm too tired," Dakota mumbled and went back to sleep. "Ask me in two hours."
"I'll help you out, if it isn't any trouble," Zoey said as she walked out the door in front of Jasmine while Gwen peeked out the window.
"I'm not much of a forager, so you can count me out on this," Gwen said and went back to sleep.
Confessional: Gwen
"So far, this island is nothing out of the ordinary, and I thought I'd be voted out first anyway, but now that I'm here, I might as well try and win," Gwen confessed tiredly. "Right after I go to sleep."
Confessional Ends
The scene moved to the Confused Bears without Bridgette at the beach listening to Leonard telling a story as battling music was playing in the background.
"It was then that our party encountered a vicious Umber Colossus! Luckily, I had enough mana to banish it with a displacement spell." Leonard narrated as Alejandro and Tyler listened. "Thanks for accompanying my story with music, Beardo, but I'm finished now."
The background music stopped when it's revealed that Beardo was the cause of it. Beardo listened to Leonard and zipped his mouth.
Sugar was looking at herself with her mirror. "Mr. Wizard, I never understand half of what you say. That's how I know you're smart," Sugar buttered up to Leonard.
"Are you sure that's what happened? You were probably having a LARP party at the time," Tyler said.
Leonard immediately jumped down on the ledge he was standing on after hearing that. "You doubt my word? It happened!"
"What Tyler is saying is that we should focus on finding a legitimate shelter." Alejandro said.
"True," Tyler added. "We had to use rocks as pillows. I almost got a bump on the back of my head, and I used my headband as a sleeping mask."
Leonard snorted a bit. "I levitated all night."
Confessional: Alejandro
"So my teammates are a bit over-the-top, but we're still a team," Alejandro said to the camera. "It's Leonard I can't stand. He is extremely detached from reality. Beardo and Sugar are quirky, but at least they don't live in a fantasy."
Confessional: Sugar
"They can say that the wizard is a liar, but they better watch their steps," Sugar warned the camera. "Nobody but me is winnin' this here pageant!"
Confessional Ends
A pleasant tune began to play as the scene flashed to a close-up of a bush growing along a forest trail. The shot zoomed out to show Zoey and Jasmine searching for food.
"Are you sure you wanted to help me out willingly?" Jasmine asked. "You could've stayed back, and I wouldn't have judged you."
"Oh no. I'm okay with helping you," Zoey smiled reassuringly, "I mean, I don't wanna be a liability for my team."
"You did pretty well in the first challenge," Jasmine said. "And even if we did lose, you wouldn't have been voted off."
"That's nice to hear…" Zoey said anxiously.
"Hmm…" Jasmine whispered while walking over to an exotic-looking plant. "What's a Chinese mulberry bush doing in this part of the world?"
"Hey, look! Apples!" Zoey cried, making Jasmine see her about to eat an apple.
"No!" Jasmine cried, sounding panicked. She flung a stick at Zoey's apple, preventing her from even taking a bite.
"I would've given you a bite if you'd asked!" Zoey cried.
Jasmine came up to her. "I'm sorry, but that's a-!"
"Manchineel fruit," came the voice of Bridgette, attracting the attention of the two Salmon as she marched over from the left. "It's referred to in Spanish as 'The little apple of death'."
"She's right," Jasmine agreed with the surfer girl. "Well, it probably wouldn't have killed you, but it would've made your mouth blister something awful."
Zoey saw that her hand was red and itchy. "My hand! It's so itchy!" she complained as she scratched it.
"Also, that apple will make your hand swollen if you hold it for too long," Bridgette added. "All you have to do is soak your hand in water and scrub it with sand. The swelling should be gone within ten minutes."
"But I'm supposed to help Jasmine with the foraging," Zoey said.
"You won't be of any help when your hand swells up like a wicket keeper's glove," Jasmine told the social seeker, who got confused. "Cricket? I-It's a game." She gave up on explaining it. "Just go."
Zoey walked off to the left to heal her hand. "Huh!" Jasmine cried out, noticing the pouch Bridgette was holding. It was filled with more berries and nuts than the two girls had acquired. "Nice score! You're quite the outdoorswoman."
"I've been on camping trips with my family on occasion, and it taught me how to hunt and survive when not surrounded by modernization," Bridgette explained. "It's no biggie."
"Gotcha," Jasmine nodded. "But where were you and your team sleeping last night?"
"We have to settle for the beach for now, but we'll find a suitable shelter," Bridgette assured.
"Campers!" Chris called over a tall loudspeaker, a drumroll as he paused leading into a more intense tune. "The only good thing about this morning is, that it's gonna get worse. For you." He laughed, and the shot cut to the five members of the Confused Bears that were listening. "There's a path heading into the forest. Follow it to today's hurt-tacular challenge." The two foragers were shown listening as well before the scene flashed away.
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"Thanks for finding food for us, Bridgette!" Tyler said as the six Bears were shown walking single-file through the woods with nuts and berries in their hands.
"I can't believe you managed to find enough for us to be full!" Alejandro added in amazement, right behind Tyler.
Leonard flashed a smile behind Beardo. "You'd make an excellent kitchen wizard."
"Uh, thanks?" Bridgette said from the back of the line uncomfortably.
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Another flash took the scene to the Salmon walking along a similar path in a similar position with their hands full of berries.
"Thanks for the berries, Jasmine. The antioxidants give my skin that extra smoothness," Justin said behind Jasmine and Gwen, who were leading the pack.
"But I helped too," Zoey tried to speak up behind them.
"I remember you going out, so I'll thank you as well," Cameron said.
At the back of the line, Sam saw Dakota slowly walking in front of him. "Are you okay? You're almost acting like a zombie."
"I haven't had enough beauty sleep," Dakota complained.
Sam put on a reassuring smile on his face. "Come on, I'm sure you look- GREAT SONS OF ORION!!!" He recoiled when Dakota removed her sunglasses, revealing big, dark bags under her eyes and her eyes were quite bloodshot.
"Clam up, campers!" Chris said over the loudspeaker. "Pick up the pace!"
Dakota put her sunglasses back on. "Let's just go."
Confessional: Sam
"Her eyes were not in the best condition," Sam remarked. "I had the same experience a few years back when I pulled a full week all-nighter in order to finish WarZone." He got reminded of something else. "That, and my poor vision at the time, led to me getting glasses."
Confessional Ends
The scene moved to the bank of a river, the thirteen campers standing with their back to the camera in front of the host. "Welcome, victims," he greeted, the shot slowly zooming in, "to the Oop-stacle Relay Race of Hilarious Hurts." He was standing between a widescreen television set up on a tall stump next to another tree, and a pair of lawn chairs set up by a crate bearing a pitcher of ice water and a plate of sandwiches.
"I think you could've spent more time on the name," Leonard said as the shot moved to the campers.
"Nobody asked you, Leonard," Chris commented with a sharp glare as the focus returned to him. "Now, each player takes on a different Oop-stacle," he explained, "starting with..." He pointed a remote at the TV next to him, a DVD player sitting below it in a hollow carved into the stump. The television switched on, and the camera cut in closer to show two tall, sloped wooden balance beams running over a mass of brambles sitting in a small pond. All of the logs that made it up were coated with a thick, orange grease. "The Greased Log, Over a Thorny Bog!"
A bit of static cut the TV footage to the top of a cliff, a rope tied to a tall tree and leading down and to the right off the cliff. "That gets you to a Greasy Zipline over the ravine for the next player," Chris continued, the footage quick-panning down the line to show the other end tied a tree near the edge of a lower cliff. Another bit of static moved the scene to a massive three-dimensional maze of pipes, all lying in a bed of grease. "Then," the host continued as the footage slowly panned to the right along the pipes, "a quick and painful journey through, the Grease-tacular Tube-tacular!"
"Next up," Chris said as the next round of static took the focus to a large bed of tires unsurprisingly lying in grease, "is the Grease Tires!" The footage immediately transitioned to a shot of two wheelbarrows standing next to a veritable lake of grease. "Then a pass-off to the Greasy Wheelbarrow Race," another round of static took the scene to a tall, steep, grease-covered wooden slope with a pair of climbing ropes running down it. "And the last lucky player climbs a rope, up the Greased Wall. Or tries to and falls, which is waaaay funnier," he ended with a laugh.
"That's a lot of grease," Dakota said in rising panic as the shot cut back to the Salmon. "Can it mess up your skin?"
"Yup," Chris said with a smile. "Now, I was gonna have you pass a relay baton. But! Couldn't find any."
"So what will we have to use instead?" Justin asked warily.
His answer came in the form of a horrifying squeal and the sound of something being dragged along the ground, shocking all the members of his team. "You'll be using," Chris said as the camera moved behind the campers again and panned to the right onto Chef struggling to drag over whatever was attached to the leashes in his hands, "greased wild boars!" The camera stopped on a flag-marked starting line, which Chef was slowly dragging two large spotted pigs over – one brown, the other pink.
"Not so much batons, as ba-cons!" the host joked poorly, turning a cheesy smile back to the Salmons.
Tyler laughed in delight at the joke. "Good one Chris."
"Thank you Tyler," Chris smiled as he walked over to the starting line, the two boars now sitting relatively calmly in front of it while Chef stood before them between the flags. "First team across the finish line with their boar," Chris continued with his usual smile, "wins."
"I have a question" Cameron spoke up as the shot moved to the Salmon. "There are six obstacles, but we have seven members."
"Two of you will have to double up on one section of the race," Chris explained off-screen before the camera cut back to him. "Now, decide who's on what oop-stacle. Cause the race is about to start!"
"I'll partner up with Justin!" Zoey immediately suggested. "Chris did say two people had to be together," she added nervously.
"Why do you get to partner up with him," Dakota huffed.
"Maybe we can decide this by pulling straws?" Cameron suggested.
"We don't have any straws here, but I do have coins," Sam said.
"How many do you have?" Justin asked the nice-guy gamer.
"Three," Sam giggled nervously.
Confessional: Justin
"I'll admit that my looks can attract girls and even boys, but that doesn't mean I want them to be swarming around me 24/7," Justin confessed. "A guy does need his privacy."
Confessional: Cameron
Cameron was squirting his lotion onto his hands. "I had a hard time falling asleep." He put the lotion away and rubbed his hands. "It was my first night outside my bubble. But finally, I recreated it with my sleeping bag, and I was out like that! What an adventure!"
Confessional Ends
"Since we can't come together on a plan, I'll settle who does what," Jasmine said. "Gwen goes first, Dakota second, Justin and Zoey third, Cameron on tires, Sam on the wheelbarrow, I'll take the wall."
Dakota had her phone up to her ear. "So we're going to- hey!" A magnet tied to a fishing line latched onto Dakota's phone, and ripped it out of her hand. The magnet then proceeded to do the same to Sam's handheld console.
"I was almost done!" Sam pouted.
The pair, along with their team, looked over to see Chris holding the fishing rod with the magnet. "Confiscators keepers!"
"Go! Go! Hop to it like kangaroos!" Jasmine ordered as they ran off to the right, though Dakota and Sam moved miserably and begrudgingly.
The camera panned away from them to show the Bears still deciding. "Okay guys," Tyler said to his team. "I think Beardo should do the last section!"
"Why him?" Leonard wondered. "You have a wizard, which is me, on your team."
"He's right. Quit doubtin' him!" Sugar agreed.
"Beardo hasn't done much, and I want him to get his chance in the spotlight," Tyler answered.
Bridgette saw that Beardo was getting nervous and decided to speak up. "Let me do the last part."
"Really?" Alejandro asked the surfer. "How?"
"I have a tight grip," Bridgette cheerfully emphasized. "Climbing over a wall ain't a problem for me."
"You've got a point," Leonard conceded. "The last part will be yours then."
"Okay teams!" Chris announced over the loudspeaker, causing them to look up. "Take your places!"
"Everybody else, choose what you want to do," Tyler advised as he led his team to the right. "Let's get moving!"
Confessional: Bridgette
"I saw Beardo getting uncomfortable at the moment, so I wanted to step in for him," Bridgette explained.
Confessional: Beardo
"I was a bit under pressure back there. I don't like to be put on the spot," Beardo confessed. "I gotta thank Bridgette later on."
Confessional Ends
"Rrready?" Chris asked, him and Chef now sitting in the lawn chairs by the television. A deep note began a slow but intense challenge tune, a boar squealing deeply as the camera panned over to the starting line. Gwen and Leonard were standing with leashes in hand, the loner holding the calmer pink boar while the LARPer struggled with the angry brown one. "Set!" Chris called out next before blowing his airhorn.
The brown boar quickly pulled itself free of Leonard's grasp. "Wwwwhoa, hey!" the wizard said as he chased after it, first to the right and then back around to the left. "Come back!"
Gwen and her boar watched them blankly for a second before the giant pig simply sat down with a stubborn squeal. "We can't just stand here," she muttered before picking up the pig.
The footage went ahead to the greased logs, and Gwen stepped foot on the slope up to the main balance beam. She started slipping on the greased logs uncontrollably.
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Ahead on the course, Sam groaned as he waited his turn. "This is the longest I've ever gone without playing a video game. My hands feel so... empty."
He then saw Dakota approaching him. "Chris is such a jerk. I could've sent like, six-hundred texts by now."
"Wow. We have a lot in common," Sam said.
Dakota gasped. "Why would you say something like that to me?"
"No, no, I meant about the tech withdrawal! Trust me, you're nothing like me otherwise," Sam backtracked.
"Aw, thanks!" Dakota complimented, making Sam smile back.
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The scene went back to the greased logs as Gwen was still stumbling over her greased log, he boar still screeching as the challenge music ramped up again.
The camera panned to the left as the Bear's boar reached the sloped log nearer to the camera. "Stand still, piggie!" Leonard cried out, running up behind the boar and catching it by the butt as it slid back down the greased slope. "Pigus levitatus this-instantus!" he grunted as he tried and failed to push the pig onward, and the camera cut in for a close-up just as the boar farted in his face. He stuck his tongue out and groaned in disgust.
"Focus your energy!" Alejandro shouted, the camera cutting to the start of the second leg. He and Dakota were standing by open packs, the fame monger taking a harness and helmet out of her with a wary look. "Just put a little more muscle into it and move the pig!"
The shot cut back to Leonard's close-up as he shrugged, then with another strained grunt pushed against the boar's bottom again. He finally managed to shove it up the slope, and the camera followed as it slid past Gwen.
Leonard pulled out a potion simply filled with water and drank it. "Hover-maneuver!" As the boar slid along the log, Leonard jumped on the log and slid past it, allowing himself to catch up with the pig and reach Alejandro.
"Fantastic!" Alejandro cheered, startling the pig. Already wearing all his gear, he grabbed the boar's leash as it slid past him and he was pulled off to the right while a shocked and helmetless Dakota watched.
A cut back to Gwen showed her still on her log and carrying her boar. "I'm keeping us steady so you can't run off!" she said before the pig squealed and chose to escape her grasp, causing her to slip and land on her back.
Chris and Chef laughed at Gwen's pain as she slid another foot or so to her pig.
Confessional: Gwen
"This is why I only have lizards as pets," Gwen grumbled.
Confessional Ends
Gwen slid the pig over to Dakota, who was concerned over Gwen's plight.
"Why do I feel so squirmy? I feel like helping her up?" Dakota said out loud. "If this is what it means to feel bad for someone else, I don't like it. I'm out!" She took the leash and started to run.
The shot cut to Alejandro running along holding the boar piggyback with both arms. It squealed and bit his head, causing him to scream in panic. "Do not bite on my head!"
The camera pulled back to show him reaching the start of the zipline. He continued screaming as he ran off the cliff, the boar somehow jumping onto the zipline and sliding down it. The camera cut to Alejandro still screaming as he fell from the cliff and into the water below.
Dakota arrived moments later with the pink boar attached to her back when a hot air balloon suddenly flew up consisting of her paparazzi. "Hi. You're just in time to see me zipline for the first time ever!"
After Dakota attached herself to the line and was on her way, the paparazzi followed her, taking pictures along the way.
Chris scowled. "Seriously?" He snapped his fingers at Chef. "Get rid of them."
Chef took out a pasta blaster and loaded it. Getting his aiming correct, he opened fire on the balloon, sending the paparazzi away.
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"Come on, pig! Come to mama!" Sugar looked ahead, the shot quickly cutting to her, Justin, and Zoey at the end of the zipline.
Her boar jumped off the zipline and slammed into her chest, knocking her off-screen to Zoey and Justin's surprise.
"Here!" came the voice of Dakota, the camera panning back to the left to show her on land after riding the line. "It's your turn," she told the two while giving the duo the pig. "I'm gonna call to see if I buy another hot air balloon for my paparazzi."
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A pause sign appeared over Dakota's face as the footage stopped, and the camera cut to the side to show Chris with his remote still in his hand. "Well this is an interesting development!" he said, looking from the widescreen TV to the camera as the capstone theme began to play. "What's up with Dakota? And what will it mean for the Salmon? It's neck and neck and about to get tubular. Who's got the pork chops to win? Find out right here, on Total! Drama! Paaaaahkitew Island!"
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(Commercial Break)
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The episode resumed with a long-distance shot of the island and the squealing of a pig, the scene soon cutting back to the start of the third leg to show Sugar holding the Bears' boar.
"Mama loves you, yes she does, baby boo," Sugar cooed at the squealing pig.
Confessional: Sugar
"Granny always said "You gotta love the fight out of a pig before you take it out on the town"," Sugar quoted.
Confessional Ends
Sugar gave her pig a kiss. "There, that's better." The pageant queen started her run and passed Justin and Zoey, the latter dragging her pig on the leash. "I'm gonna name you Grease Pig! Yes I am!" she said before getting into the tubes.
"Thanks for carrying the pig Zoey!" Justin told Zoey as the focus was on them now.
"Like I have control over it," Zoey said.
The pig squealed one final time before running towards the tubes with Zoey in hand. "Don't run off!" Justin shouted, running after the pig and Zoey not far behind.
Confessional: Justin
"Pigs are extremely greasy to be around with," Justin confessed. "Even so, a greasy pig is better than a muddy one."
Confessional Ends
The shot cut outward to show the entire maze of pipes, banging and squealing and shouts of pain coming from within them. "I was worried about cruelty to animals during this challenge," Chris said, the camera pulling back and away from the live feed to show Chris and Chef still lounging by the television. "But I'm fine with cruelty to campers."
Chef smiled and nodded in agreement.
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"Come on, Sugar!" Beardo urged as the shot cut to him and Cameron waiting at the other end of the banging pipes.
"What is taking them so long?" Cameron added as the banging got louder.
Eventually, a grease-covered Sugar emerged from the tubes, much to Beardo's enjoyment. He tried to take the pig, but Sugar wouldn't budge.
"No! I'm keeping her!" Sugar inspected the pig. "Or him. Her-him, is mine forever!"
Beardo slapped a hand to his forehead in annoyance. He cleared his throat and uttered out a soft and gentle pig squeal in order to attract the pig over to him.
It managed to work, and the pig slipped out of Sugar's grasp and ran into Beardo's arms embracingly. "I love you, grease pig!" Sugar wailed.
Confessional: Sugar
"But I don't love that pig-stealing, afro-haired Beardo!" Sugar spat out.
Confessional Ends
The scene returned to the end of the tube, where Cameron dropped a few pecans. The shot zoomed out to show him setting up a trail and walking forward.
The pink boar ran out, dragging a grease-covered Zoey along with Justin emerging not long after. It skidded to a stop, and the camera cut back to the dazed social seeker as she stood up with a groan. Justin sighed heavily and wiped some of the thick, congealed grease off his chest. "I can't believe what the pig just put me through," he said as the pig followed the pecan trail and ate them.
"I don't know what happened," Zoey said in a dazed tone. "I just don't know..."
"Here, let me help you out," Justin said before taking off his shirt, exposing his chest. He wiped the grease off Zoey as she gazed at him admiringly.
Confessional: Justin
"People can't get enough of me," Justin said. "My fifth grade teacher had to send me to the principal's office just so the rest of the class could get work done and stop looking at me so much. The teacher did it reluctantly though."
Confessional Ends
Cameron was running to the tires, dropping some more pecans on the ground. The boar ran behind him happily eating them as it came across them.
"Ooh, looks like Cameron's inner animal trainer has come out!" Chris announced over the camp loudspeaker. The bubble boy had reached the tires, and was easily running through them as he dropped more pellets.
Confessional: Cameron
"Pigs have a certain interest in pecans," Cameron described. "I have no idea why. I just read it from a book."
Confessional Ends
A light chanting began as the scene moved back to Chris and Chef. "And with only two oop-stacles left," the host told the camera, "the Salmon are starting to catch up to the Bears! Speaking of..." Chris said as the camera panned over to the widescreen and zoom-cut to the footage it was showing.
A happy squealing grunt drew the camera's attention back to the left to show Beardo and his boar running swiftly along the tires near the middle of the leg.
"Work it, Beardo! Move your feet!" Tyler called out encouragingly as the shot cut to him.
Sam also cheered as well. "Go Cameron! You're doing great!"
Cameron was moving along the tires well and dropping pecans until his foot got wedged between two tires. The camera pulled back as he tried to get his foot out while the pig continued to eat the pecans.
Sam's enthusiasm lowered once he noticed Cameron's predicament. "You can get your foot out of there! No rush!"
Tyler's eyes widened in surprise when Beardo showed up and dropped the boar in the wheelbarrow. The boar squealed happily inside.
"Thanks!" Tyler called out as he drove the wheelbarrow off-screen.
"And the Bears take the lead!" Chris announced.
It was then that Cameron got his foot unstuck. "I'm free! Coming over to you now!" the wide-eyed bubble boy said.
"Go Cam! Lay it on me!" Sam cheered. Cameron showed up and dropped some pecans in the wheelbarrow, and the boar jumped inside for them.
"I'm sorry for my misstep back there," Cameron apologized.
"Don't worry," Sam grabbed their team's wheelbarrow with their pig in it. "I'll get it over to Jasmine and she'll win the challenge for us." Before Cameron could say anything else, Sam took off in a run, pushing the wheelbarrow. "I'm obviously behind, but I'm enjoying the thrill!"
Confessional: Tyler
"I'll be fine out there," Tyler told the outhouse camera. "Just as long as the grease isn't nasty."
"I forgot to mention," Chris announced over the camp loudspeakers, "that today's grease is brought to you from the grease trap of Chef's restaurant!"
Tyler groaned in disgust.
Confessional Ends
The static cut to Tyler cringing as he ran along with his team's boar. He slipped and fell face-first into the grease and his wheelbarrow slowed to a stop... until he shot up and looked down at himself and let out an impressive yell before tearing through the grease at near impossible speeds. The background faded into a blur.
The music turned tense as the camera quick-panned back to the right, showing Tyler running right past the edge of the oop-stacle and into a nearby rock where Bridgette was standing. He was finally stopped by said rock and the boar was launched out of the wheelbarrow and into a shocked Bridgette before she had time to react.
"This isn't good!" Tyler whined about, looking around with wide eyes. "I need to wash off my tracksuit now or else I'll be stuck with grease on it forever!"
"Tyler!" Bridgette yelled as she ran up to him and grabbed his shoulders. "Look at me and take slow deep breaths," she instructed over a light romantic tune.
The camera cut to a close-up of her face as Tyler's panicked breathing slowly got more relaxed and normal before he smiled. Bridgette was shown in a close-up with a smile of her own.
Confessional: Tyler
"Wow," Tyler said, clearly impressed. "Bridgette really knows how to keep cool under pressure. What a queen."
Confessional: Bridgette
"Tyler's pretty cool," Bridgette admitted. "He is a little klutzy, but so am I."
Confessionals End
The music turned tense again as the scene moved to Sam moving his wheelbarrow. "This reminds me of all the racing games I've played." He slipped down onto his own belly a moment later, doing it just enough in the station to arrive at Jasmine's feet.
"Come on, Sam! Let me take the hog from here." Jasmine demanded.
\
The scene went to the final oop-stacle, Bridgette currently about halfway up the wall with the boar slung over her shoulder. Her teammates were gathered off to the side, watching excitedly with each step she climbed.
"Alright! Proceed with caution!" Leonard cheered.
"Go Bridgette go!" Tyler chimed in.
Beardo let out the sound of an audience cheering.
"I'm giving it all I've got!" the shot cut in closer to Bridgette as she tried to find her next foothold only to slip on the grease. She finally got a grip with her foot and pushed herself upward a little more.
"Just keep doin' it like that, and we'll win!" Sugar told her from off-screen as she climbed another couple steps.
While that was going on, Jasmine noticed that her pig wasn't cooperating. "Alright! C'mere ya little ratbag!" Jasmine beckoned. The boar backed up and squealed nervously. "Whoa! Calm down, little guy! Take it easy! Nice and easy! Eeeeeeeeeeeeasy!"
Jasmine leaned over the pig and gave it a strong look. It stopped shivering and looked at Jasmine. It flipped over and smiled at Jasmine, who chuckled and rubbed its belly.
The music's tension quickly ramped up as the shot moved to Alejandro and Leonard, the arch villain looking to the left and noticing something that made his eyes go wide. "Heads up!" he turned and called out to his teammate. "Jasmine's coming!"
"That just gives me the extra motivation to finish this!" Bridgette smirked and moved faster as Jasmine proceeded to climb the wall.
The shot cut to a close-up of the top of the wall from the other side as Bridgette hauled herself up onto it with the boar still on her shoulder. She straddled the top for just a second, then grabbed a nearby ladder and slid down as Jasmine and her team's boar poked their heads over the wall.
"This just in," Chris said as the shot cut to him and Chef standing on the far side of the wall with the ladder in view. Bridgette landed on the ground with a smile on her face, and set the Bears' boar on the ground. "Amazon beat by beach chick! The Confused Bears win!"
"Awesome!" Bridgette cheered, her teammates rushing over to join her in celebration as the music turned victorious.
"And tonight's winner's meal is provided by," Chris continued as the shot cut to him and his assistant, the large man holding a red-and-white cardboard bucket with a chicken drawn on the side. "Jimmy's Beaks 'n' Feet!" he said as a trendy theme started playing, the scene moving to the empty, greasy bucket against an orange-and-reddish background. Floating around the bucket were a pair of disembodied chicken beaks and a pair of similar feet. "Our chickens walk the walk, talk the talk, then, we put 'em in the fryer," Chris said as the chicken parts circled the bucket a few times, then flew into it.
The shot cut back to the normal footage as Chef tossed the bucket of fried chicken parts to the winner, and Chris grinned. "Now that's amazing," he said in an ultra-close close-up.
A victorious horn was blown as the Bears ran past the camera, in front of the members of the Floating Salmon waiting at the start of the greasy wall. The team watched sadly as their opponents ran by.
\
"This is nice, Bridgette!" Tyler complimented. Bridgette had led her team to a cave that Gwen witnessed last episode.
"Cool," Beardo said in amazement.
"I found this while I went out to search for food," Bridgette explained. "It could rain, and if that happens, our clothes won't dry out."
"I can handle a little rain, but the shelter's nice, even if it needs sparkles," Sugar expressed her gratitude before pulling out the bucket of fried chicken. "Anyone wanna munch on some fried chicken before I take 'em all?"
The Confused Bears chimed in and each took a piece.
\
The Floating Salmon were moving to their treefort to rest for a while before their elimination.
Sam and Dakota were at the back of the pack. Sam stopped walking, causing Dakota to stop in turn, and he faced her. "Hey, Dakota. Sorry about before. I was just so taken by your beautiful... nostrils." Sam grimaced at his word choice.
Confessional: Sam
"Nostrils?" Sam repeated to himself. "Nostrils!?"
Confessional Ends
Dakota hesitantly replied, "Thanks! I like your... uh..." She looked at Sam, but couldn't find anything positive to say about him. "Can I get back to you on that?"
Sam sighed sadly after Dakota went to catch up with the team.
Confessional: Jasmine
"So this is our first elimination ceremony," Jasmine facepalmed herself. "I hope no one's finding me too bossy. I mean, I had to take charge, but now one of us is going home."
Confessional Ends
Cameron was walking towards the team's treehouse until he saw Justin walking over to him. "Hey, Justin. What is it you need?" he asked.
"I need your help in voting out Dakota. She's clearly in it for the photo opp, and she slowed us down with her paparazzi," Justin explained.
"She does hinder us, and she's more focused on herself than us," Cameron agreed. "I'll vote for her as well."
"Good to see we came to an agreement," Justin smirked.
The shot cut outward as Chris's voice suddenly rang through the air. "Floating Salmon! Please head for the elimination campfire area!" he announced as the music became tense. "Cannon needs num-num!" he finished with a laugh, the shot cutting to the two teammates exchanging looks.
\
The deep, tense opening of the elimination theme began to play as the footage skipped ahead to a shot of the entire island, the moon high overhead once more and the fires of the ceremony glowing over the water from the left-side peninsula.
"Hey, why so glum?" Chris asked, the scene moving to the campfire pit to show all seven members of the Floating Salmon already assembled. "You tried your best, and it was horrible. Now," he said, a few deep notes being struck as the camera panned over to him. "Let's see who you all blamed for your collective failure." Chef walked over from the right as he spoke, carrying the tray of marshmallows.
Confessional: Jasmine
"I'm gonna go for the one that's more distracted," Jasmine told the outhouse.
Confessional: Justin
"I think it's obvious who we're voting out tonight," Justin said.
Confessional: Cameron
"What choice do I have?" Cameron asked rhetorically.
Confessionals End
"Cameron," Chris called out from off-camera as the music trilled ominously, the shot focused on the campers sitting on the left as the bubble boy caught his marshmallow. "Sam," next was the nice guy gamer and he caught his marshmallow as well, "Zoey, Justin, and Jasmine. You're safe from elimination." The three also caught their marshmallows with wide smiles.
The camera panned over to the final two campers sitting along the front row. "Which leaves Gwen the gloomy queen," the girl in question scowled, "and Dakota the wannabe star." The girl stiffened in fear.
"And the girl going home tonight is...," Chris said as the music picked up. The shot cut to a close-up of Dakota, then to one of Gwen.
Chris picked up the final marshmallow and smirked. "Dakota," he announced, tossing the treat at Gwen.
"No!" Dakota cried out. "This has to be a mistake. I didn't get my spin-off series yet. Noooo!"
Chef placed Dakota over his shoulder and carried her down to the Cannon of Shame as Sam watched with a forlorn expression.
Confessional: Sam
"Man, I can't believe Dakota's gone," Sam confessed. "I was ready to repeatedly ask her out and get turned down all season."
Confessional: Justin
"Dakota has her own paparazzi on the island and I don't? That's not going to happen with her gone," Justin stated.
Confessionals End
The somber elimination theme started as the scene skipped ahead to show Dakota loaded into the Cannon of Shame.
"Any last words, Dakota?" Chris asked the girl.
"Um, yes," Dakota replied. "First of all-"
"It was a rhetorical question," Chris pressed the button on his remote, firing Dakota into the night.
"So far," Chris said as the capstone theme began to play, "we've lost a motor mouth and a screenhog. Two key players in a game I never, ever want to play. Who's next in the boom-boom machine? Only time will tell. On Total! Drama! Paaaaahkitew Island!"
(Roll the Credits)
Author's Note: Surprise. Leonard isn't going home after all. Dakota has her little arc we need to get through, and the best way to do that is to eliminate her. I did so soon since the others all need time to shine.
Floating Salmon: Gwen, Jasmine, Zoey, Cameron, Justin, Sam
Confused Bears: Alejandro, Beardo, Leonard, Tyler, Bridgette, Sugar
14th: Staci
13th: Dakota