"Greetings."
Nikki glanced up from her phone, bracing for another overly complicated order from another entitled caffeine junkie. The spacey-looking black girl with the blue dreadlocks was another level of trouble.
"Omigod, Brody? Mana-"
"A minute of your time!" The girl clasped Nikki's hand. "Please, there is much I wish to discuss with you."
Every sane neuron in Nikki's brain screeched at her to ignore this weirdo who reeked of musty herbs, dressed like a drugged-out rave girl, and whose blue and red eyes hadn't blinked once since entering the cafe. The thousand-yard stare was seriously making Nikki regret turning down that Stygian pocket taser from Celeste.
And yet, a small, all-too-nice (and all-too-simpy) part of her gray matter prodded Nikki to hear the girl out. Everyone deserves a second chance, right Nik?
The robotic girl took Nikki not bum-rushing her out as permission to continue. "We have not yet been formally introduced. I identify as Zo-"
"I know who you are," Nikki butted in. I know you better than anyone.
7 YEARS AGO
"I ... I need to take this off."
12 year-old Nikki snapped up from her Game Boy Advance. The character live-streaming on her dad's computer monitor didn't appear distressed (fur-suit costumes tended to smile vacantly no matter the trouble) but the voice behind the neon-blue ocelot was clearly hitting her limit. Zo-Zo was overheating.
"I - I'm sorry, everyone. I promised I'd do a marathon stream, but - I just -"
Zo-Zo doubled over, yanking at her mascot head. The chat went furious! Removing one's fur-suit - breaking character - that was the community's greatest taboo. Nikki gripped her armrest, an innocent bystander to a scandal-in-progress. Umm, should I log out, or -?
Too late. Zo-Zo's decapitated animal head toppled, revealing - whoa! - a thin, brown-skinned face, nervous chocolate eyes and a wicked pixie cut dyed acid-green.
"Umm… hey, everyone…"
The cringe on Zo-Zo's human face. Nikki knew that discomfort all too well. The chat was already ripping into her:
How dare you?
Do not want!
No humies on this stream!
0 out of 10!
Dreading the worst, 12 year-old Nikki rummaged through her dad's office desk for his emergency credit card, the one she wasn't supposed to know about. One hastily-typed transaction later and -
"Oh? Um, thank you for the 1000 bytes, um… Mr. TifaFaun? I hope I'm pronouncing that right."
It's 'Fan', Nikki grimaced, and she wasn't a dude but whatever. She clacked a quick follow-up message, and it was so worth it watching Zo-Zo's human eyes light up in a smile.
"Thank you, TifaFan. It's so sweet to know I look just as good behind the mask. Have yourself a yiff-tastic day!"
Nikki didn't quite understand, but seeing Zo-Zo smile at her - seeing a girl smile at her - made her cheeks flush in the nicest way. I… this feels -
A sudden dampness between her legs wrecked the moment. Huh? Did I … oh shit, did I just pee myself?
She hastily logged off, wondering two important things: one, how to explain the change of pants to mom, and two, how to explain the surprise online charges to dad…
Back in the cafe, Nikki sighed deeply. "I know who you are."
"Without exchanging formal greetings?" The ex-furry tilted her head. "Most curious. Could you also possess precognitive abilities?"
"Um…"
"To the matter at hand: I have come to make amends. I believe my actions have hurt you deeply."
"Oh you have no idea..."
4 YEARS AGO
"Wow, she really did change everything."
15 year old Nikki scanned the redesigned website. Rainbow paw prints and booty-wiggling animal GIFs had been torn down for cold, dark chrome on a vast, starry wallpaper. Like wandering into the local pet store and stumbling into an adult nightclub, Nikki was stunned to say the least.
Agent Zoey:
Combat Droid from the 23rd Century.
Enter at your own risk.
"I know she kept adding mech parts onto her fursona, but this is -"
Confused beyond words, Nikki clicked her way into the live chat. I wonder what she's wearing today. Not that she came just to see Zo-Zo strip off her fur-suits - she wasn't a weirdo, she was into guys - but if in between talks about fandom and anime, the ocelot happened to get hot and just happened to be wearing a tank top with no bra beneath, well -
"Unidentified unit detected. Greetings… She-Go-Girl? "
'ShegoGirl', Nikki self-corrected, 'You know, from - oh, never mind.' Where was Zo-Zo's costume, and what was up with her voice? All monotone and stilted like she was feeding lines to a text-to-speech program. Must be a role-play thing. Nikki, like the idiot she was, blundered forward.
=ShegoGirl=
Hey, Zo-Zo! Having a yiff-tastic day?
Sniggering emoji bubbled through the chat. The streamer's eyes narrowed. "Error. Improper address."
Okay, umm… she's really into character. Yeah…
=ShegoGirl=
I dig the new hair!
The purple mohawk looks so awesome!
I don't get the outfit, though. Is it from an anime?
The streamer scowled at her black and white cat-suit with the cross-shaped boob window. "Anime? Error. Improp-"
=ShegoGirl=
Hey, are you working on any new fur-suits?
I've got this awesome new cow fursona named Nicolette!
Hey, does this chat allow links?
Can I show you my DeviantArt sketches?
The chat lit up with howling emojis and LOLs.
Agent-Z? A furfag?
Dude, I buy it.
Damn, that's cringe.
Nikki, used to brushing off ignorant trolls, continued typing, a bumbling ox in a China shop.
=ShegoGirl=
Hey, did you ever finish reading Naruto? You always said it was your favorite.
Hey, wanna see this mouse fursona I made for Hinata?
=Agent-Z=
!timeout shegogirl
=Z-bot=
ShegoGirl has been timed out.
"Hey, what the heck?"
"Moderator BetaFish? Request repost of chat rules."
=BetaFish=
!rules
=Z-Bot=
RULE 1: no kinkshaming
RULE 2: no kinkshaming except for furries
RULE 3: anime was a mistake
"Seriously?" Nikki clacked away but her account had been completely frozen. The trolls took her silence as permission to heckle.
Oh god, did we seriously have a furry in chat?
LOL, glad we caught that one fast. Can you imagine those animal f0kers getting in here and spamming their gross porn?
EWWWW!
Hey, Agent-Z, was she a friend or something?
Yeah, are you into that shit?
Zo-Zo didn't even pause to think it over. "Negative. I have never associated with such disreputable individuals."
That night, 15 year old Nikki told her mom she was sick with a cold and wouldn't be going to school. Lying in bed, she clutched at her chest, wondering if you could Google a remedy for a broken heart.
In the cafe once more, Zoey tilted her head, and Nikki realized she was waiting for clarification.
"I used to visit your website. You know the one."
"Ah, I understand. I am sorry to say that I have closed my live streaming operations and sold my online domain. I hope you have been able to find erotic stimulation elsewhere."
Nikki flushed, remembering the curled horns and snowy hair burrowing between her legs last night. "Um, gross? Also, private, so… yeah."
"Then to the matter at hand: please accept this."
An envelope was passed across the counter. Tearing it open, Nikki found … a hand-made 'get well soon' card? "Are these… Celtic runes?"
"Indeed. It is a ward of healing meant to promote positive mental thinking."
"Ooookay." She didn't dare ask about the emo-looking elf sobbing in the corner or the sparkly anime stickers dotting the page. Did she have help?
"You see, I had begun sensing a worrying amount of anxiety from you whenever I entered this establishment."
"Wow. Imagine that."
"Clearly the burdens of working an underpaying job in customer service have taken their toll on your mental well-being. Had I been faster to detect your negative state, perhaps your downward spiral could have been avoided. For this, I apologize."
"Okay… how about all the other stuff?"
The girl finally blinked. "Other stuff?"
"Um, yeah? What about the time you splashed coffee on me?"
SIX MONTHS AGO
"I'm lactose intolerant!"
A cup of spoiled milk coffee slam-dunked onto the floor. A hot splatter over Nikki's jeans, and an afternoon spent icing her burnt thighs.
"Oh. Well, surely the scalding heat of the coffee was tempered by the cold mil-"
"Or what about the time you and your weirdos started a food fight?"
"Eat my love yogurt, Rashida!"
Cafe walls splattered with yogurt, tables overturned and breakfast meals littering the floor. Knees throbbing from all her overtime scrubbing and cleaning. A headache that followed her home all night.
"But you must understand - my actions were necessary to restore social justice and -"
"Or how about all the other crap you pulled?"
"What part of 'lifetime ban' do you people not understand?"
Cafe newspapers crumpled and tossed to the floor. Rude penis graffiti all over the washroom stalls. Brody reaming her out for missing inventory, accusing her of pocketing all the sugar and milk packets!
Zoey blinked through a haze. "Such an itemized list of grievances. Dwelling on these negativities… no wonder your mental health has declined."
She doesn't … even remember?
"Do you even know my name?" A hand raised over her apron tag thwarted even the keenest of magical vision. Zoey's eyes flailed about.
"Ni… ko? Niko?"
It's Nikki! Short for - "You know what? Just forget it."
The best revenge was living well, and Nikki had it made. Her own apartment (however small), a steady job (irritating customers notwithstanding), two awesome (if stuck-up) friends and a smoking-hot alien girlfriend (who really needed to cut down her off-planet travels). Add to that a new streaming gig (which would go over 30 viewers!) and Nikki couldn't complain.
Well, not much.
More importantly, the big, fat bitch known as karma had rightly parked her huge ass squarely atop this weirdo. Last fall, someone (or something) had broken both her legs, and according to Audrey, she'd gotten so hooked on morphine it blew her brains out. She'd been kicked out of her super-feminist club for being too radical, evicted from the student dorms for live-streaming her porn shows on campus, her attendance at lectures was down and her grades were tanking.
Jobless, homeless, futureless - maybe she kept stealing into the cafe so often because it reminded her of better days.
"Look, just go and -" ugh, god damn you, simp brain, "- hey… I hope things get better for you."
Zo-Zo's tender smile still made Nikki's heart flutter.
"You are too kind. My situation is, in fact, quite ideal. I live in a spacious, three bedroom loft with my two polyamorous lovers. Rent is covered by my friend's parents, allowing me ample leisure time to study the mystic arts. I am currently apprenticing under a fairy of the Unseele Court."
Three bedrooms? Two hot lovers? Rent-free living ? Nikki's eyes narrowed.
"Hey, I know a bit of magic myself."
Zoey's eyes lit up, her first sign of genuine emotion. "You do? Remarkable! You must share your knowledge for my compendium of magic!"
Nikki almost felt bad for her, scrambling to pull out a well-worn notebook and pen. "It's a banishing spell," she explained. "It lets you get rid of any unwanted people in your life."
"How dark! Please, recite the incantation."
Nikk took a deep breath. "BRODY! MANAGER!"
Watching Zo-Zo (or Zoey, or Agent-Z or whatever she called herself this year) hoisted off her feet and flailing all the way to the door, Nikki paused to reflect. The best revenge was living your best life, but having your boss throw your wacko, ex-adolescent crush to the curb was pretty sweet too.
Cracking her neck, Nikki retreated to the warm glow of her cell phone. When the next coffee-craving yuppie came to disturb her peace, she'd be ready for even the craziest of orders.
Have yourself a yiff-tastc day, Zo-Zo.