Bella: I don't understand why you have to leave so Jacob can come in.
Edward: Look, I'd love to hang out with my BFF Jacob too, but you know how much Sam doesn't like us hanging out, so I'm just minimising it for Jacob's sake.
Bella: Surely though, if you're doing something that's mutually beneficial to both yourself and the Quileutes, he wouldn't care that much, right?
Edward: Of course he does. He's a very angry man.
Bella: I have never had that impression from him. In fact, have you even met…
Edward: Anyway, I've gotta go *darts out the door before Bella could say anything else*
Jacob: *entering exactly as soon as Edward left* Hi Bella.
Bella: Is Sam really this antagonistic towards you two being friends?
Jacob: Eh, probably.
Bella: What do you mean, probably?
Jacob: Anyway, you said there was a vampire in your bedroom?
Bella: Let's back up to the bit about Sam…
Jacob: Okay, let me check it out *runs upstairs*
Bella: Why do I feel like I'm being treated as useless in this situation?
Edward: Maybe because you're a human in a vampire and werewolf world, with no way of defending yourself from said creatures, and barely any knowledge of either compared to the people around you who do.
Bella: Aren't you meant to be somewhere else right now?
Edward: Oops, sorry *leaves*
Jacob: *coming back downstairs* Was that Edward?
Bella: Yeah, it…wait, I'm meant to be asking you about…
Jacob: Damn, I was hoping to talk to him before he left. Oh well. Anyway, don't worry about that vampire. I've got his scent, so now I'll just pass that on to the others.
Bella: How? Through your shared mindreading thing?
Jacob: Nah, I just turned into a wolf and rolled around in your room for a couple of minutes to absorb the smell onto my person.
Bella: Would my idea have worked?
Jacob: …that's not the point.
Bella: Anyway, about Sam…
Jacob: Oh, by the way, you're invited to a bonfire party at La Push tonight.
Bella: Cool. Will Sam be there?
Jacob: Yeah, why?
Bella: Good, I'm going to speak to him about not co-operating with the Cullens when there's an unknown vampire nearby.
Jacob: Silly Bella, he's probably going to say he hates them.
Bella: Seriously, have you even asked…
Jacob: Well, gotta go *out the door as quick as he can*
Edward: Damn, just missed him.
Bella: If it wasn't for the fact that you two have met, I'd assume you were the same person.
Edward: Silly Bella, werewolves can't be vampires.
Bella: That's not…ugh, whatever. I'm going to a party at La Push tonight.
Edward: Cool. Tell Jacob I said hi.
Bella: Also, can you tell Alice to bring my stuff back?
Edward: What stuff?
Bella: The stuff that she took from my room for that sleepover.
Edward: She didn't take any of your stuff.
Bella: What about that red shirt that went missing?
Edward: Nope.
Bella: I noticed my pillow was missing.
Edward: Wrong again.
Bella: My pyjamas?
Edward: Bella, no-one's been in your room except…
Bella: Oh crap.
Edward: Why would you do that in your room? The bathroom's so close.
Bella: Damn it Edward, don't you get it?
Edward: Get what?
Bella: The unknown vampire. He took my stuff.
Edward: But why would he do that?
Bella: Hmm, why would an unknown vampire want my scent? Also, wasn't there a newborn vampire in Seattle recently?
Edward: …hold that thought *runs outside and comes back with a newspaper* Listen to this: "Detroit gang leaders give up. 'We just can't keep up with Seattle anymore'".
Bella: I thought you guys would have dealt with the newborn by now.
Edward: Silly Bella, it's not just one newborn anymore.
Bella: What do you mean it's not…oh…
Edward: Yeah, that's probably a bunch of them now. Which means the Volturi will probably be coming soon to clean this mess up.
Bella: Well, since they're coming, might as well change me so they don't…
Edward: Nope.
Bella: Oh, COME ON!
Edward: Also, did you know you got into Dartmouth?
Bella: DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!
Edward: Look, we'll work this out, I promise.
Bella: I'm betting the unknown vampire is working for Victoria by making a bunch of newborns, getting my scent so they know who to track down, and making sure there's so many of them that you can't get in the way.
Edward: Silly Bella, it can't be that, the Volturi made that illegal. Besides, even if they did, that won't stop Jasper.
Bella: What's Jasper got to do with this?
Edward: You'll see.
Bella: …or you could tell me.
Edward: It's for later in the book.
Bella: …whatever, I'm going to get ready for the party.
Edward: Ooh, can I take you? I want a chance to see my secret BFF again.
Bella: Fine, whatever. Even though Sam apparently hates you hanging out.
Edward: Yeah, but what Sam doesn't know won't hurt him.
Bella: Would he have known about the last twenty minutes?
Edward: That's beside the point.
*that night*
Jacob: Hi guys.
Edward: Hey buddy *takes a step forward*
Jacob: Ooh, not too close. Sam's very touchy about the whole 'crossing the line' thing.
Edward: Oops, sorry.
Jacob: All good man.
Bella: It really feels like you two should hate each other.
Edward: Bella, how could you suggest such a thing?
Jacob: Yeah, why would mortal enemies ever hate each other?
Bella: The whole 'mortal enemies' thing might have something to do with it.
Edward: Mortal enemies don't always have to fight. Just look at Batman and the Joker.
Bella: THEY DO NOTHING BUT FIGHT!
Jacob: Come on Bella, we've got a party to go to.
Bella: What's this party for, exactly?
Jacob: Exposition. And lots of it.
Bella: Ugh…