Fuck me, why do the dumb bitches have all the luck?

Audrey snarled from behind the counter at the leggy bimbo clacking her stripper heels around the mall's pet shop. Everything about this bubblegum bitch seemed genetically engineered to piss her off: the pink, Barbie-doll pigtails, the effortless strut in those six-inch heels; the way she giggled so brainlessly like the world wasn't out to get her!

And those tits! Mother of god, it was like two volleyballs were sprouting off her freckled chest. Only auntie Brooke had bigger gazongas, and she'd stuffed herself with enough silicon to bankroll a tech start-up in the Valley.

Whoever she was, she had way too much money, no brains and not a care in the world. Fuck, that should be me parading in candy wrapper underwear and a freakin' pimp coat! Clearly this bitch's daddy hadn't cut her off or kicked her out of the house, leaving her to fend for herself in a crappy, single-bedroom apartment with nowhere near enough outlets for her aquarium filters. Clearly Pinko wasn't slumming it behind the counter of a mall pet shop, cleaning the shit from homeless fleabags so she could make rent.

Audrey begged the universe to snap one of those heels and send this dumbass thot face-planting. "Hey, you looking for a pet or just ogling?"

"Oh, ah ain't here t'buy nothin'." Fuck, that dopey Southern drawl - sheer cringe! "See, ahm lookin' fer the ghost girl."

Mother fucker, she was one of them . The spiritual tourists. "Who told you?" I swear, if Lillian blabbed to another -

"Well see, ah heard it from mah babysitter."

"Your babysitter. "

"Yes siree! From mah babysitter, who heard it from her stalker."

"You have a babysitter… and your babysitter has a stalker."

"Eyup! She's got lotsa 'em. See, she runs one of 'em video channels on the line."

Ah, a cam whore. "So her follower ." The bitch bobbed her head (and tits) affirmatively.

"Anywoo, mah babysitter heard it from her follower, who heard it from his friend in the Cavalry, who heard from this really smarty parts black fella who does 'role 'n play' that there's a girl at this here mall who can talk t'ghosts and such. Izzat you?"

Fuck, no. Six months ago, the words would've blurted off her lips, easy as pie. But six months ago, she hadn't been haunted by the scolding look of chocolate-brown eyes and twitching cat ears. Maaaster!

"Yeah, that's me. Ghost-talker Audrey. Who d'you wanna talk to?"

"Sprinkles!"

"No, I said who-"

"Sprinkles is a who! He's mah doggy! Or, he wuz. Last month, Sprinkles got hit bah a bus."

Fucker nuts, this bitch was hitting below the belt!

"All right, all right! We'll talk to your dead dog! Lemmie get my shit ready."

While she prepared the summoning ofuda, Princess Pinko blabbed her life story. Her name was Candace and she was - big surprise - a stripper from the tropics. Her favorite activities, in no particular order, were dancing, sex and cocaine. She did a lot of each.

"Damn, you've got it made." The bitch even had a great relationship with her drunken Irish dad. "Who'd you kill to live that life?"

"Oh it ain't all sunshine 'n rainbows. Ah had t'send mah kids away."

Audrey raised an eyebrow. Candace fiddled with her clutch and shrugged. "There ain't a lot ah know how t'do 'sides dance, but ahm gonna do mah best fer mah babies! Hey, how'd you get yer super-powers anyway?"

The limp form of a fuzzy little kitten, its belly scarred and its eyes closed. Audrey ground her teeth.

"I fucking lost everything, that's how. Look, you wanna do this or what? Gotta give me something personal."

A lock of pink hair burnt in offering. Ashes scattered over a tattered scroll inked with foreign writing. The caged dogs started barking overtime. They could feel the magic pulsing, the beacon calling to all of Candace's dearly departed.

"Shaddup, you mutts!" A flicker of fire across Audrey's eyes drilled the message home. Now, to sharpen her gaze.

Audrey popped out her contact lenses, the shields that cut back her second sight and allowed to play "normal". Instantly, the mall exploded with monsters: freakish fairy-land animals and giant bugs, the invisible refuse left behind by Kyu's idiot fairy-folk. Audrey scanned the menagerie for a dog.

"Hey, kid, where'd you come fr-"

She stopped, overwhelmed by memories. Kneeling faithfully at Candy's side was a bruiser of a boy with a mane of shaggy black hair obscuring his eyes. Raising a leg, the boy scratched at his floppy dog ears, while a fluffy, black tail swished side to side.

A dog-boy from Sky Garden.

"Wait, your dog was -"

"- a Newfoundland. Yup, yup!"

The boy shrugged. "Master couldn't see Sprinkles' real self. Not like you, Lightbringer."

Lightbringer, ghost girl, mahou shoujo . Every freak in this city had a name for her and they all wanted a piece of Audrey's time. "Another magic pet. What're the fuckin' odds? Hey, he's here. Whaddya wanna say to Sprinkles?"

Candace giggled. "Hiii, Sprinkles! Are y'all doin' okay?"

She was waving in the completely wrong direction, but whatever.

"Aw, Sprinkles! Mama misses you a bunch! Rent's comin' up an' I ain't got mah super-sniffer t'help me find money fer the landlord."

The dog-boy translated for Audrey. "Sprinkles would hide Master's green papers in the couch until it was rent day. Master would just mail it away or spend it on her nasty, white powder."

"In the couch?" Audrey repeated.

"Ooh, ah didn't look there! Thank ya, ghost girl!"

Sprinkles slapped his forehead. "Oh, master…"

Candy had more to say but Sprinkles interrupted. "Lightbringer, can you tell master that she needs to wash her clothes tomorrow? Oh, and on Friday she needs to take out the recycling, but only after master separates the clear glass from the green ones. Oh, and also -"

Oh, fuck me…

Turned out Sprinkles wasn't just a pet, he was this bimbo's life manager!

It took until the end of Audrey's shift, but she finally dictated all the post-it note reminders from the dumb dog to the dumb broad. Then, because the brainless bitch was clearly going to forget, Audrey wrote down Sprinkles' chore schedule on a piece of paper. Then she snapped a photo and e-mailed it to the stripper, as well as to some besties named Lailani and Nora. Probably more pole dancers, the lucky cunts.

"Fucking finally," Audrey sighed. Now can I go home and fucking feed my fish?

"Many thanks, Lightbringer! You've done so much to help Sprinkles' master!"

"Whatever, I just don't want her coming back."

"Wowee!" Candace's eyes dazzled at the itinerary. "Sprinkles sure did help me with a lotta stuff around the house! Thank ya, Ahh-brey! Here, this is fer you."

Audrey waved off the wad of bills. "I don't take cash." Momo would've scolded her for charging…

"Well that's good, cause ah was gonna spend it on mah kids."

Oh yeah, the bitch was a mom. "So like, funeral flowers?"

'Whu -? HEY! Don't go around sayin' mean things like that!"

"Geez, okay. You wanna say anything to your kids while the spell's still up?"

Sprinkles freaked out, waving for her to stop, but Audrey blundered on forward.

"Your kids. Three of them, right? Look, I know you can't see 'em but they've been floating around you the last … twenty minutes? They're -"

Maybe it was a mercy the simpleton couldn't see what Audrey saw. Each fetus was curled in on itself in perfect slumber, their ghostly, blue outlines pulsing in heartbeat. They surrounded their mother, umbilical cords twining around her wrists, a trio of ghastly, helium balloons.

Had she seen, Candace would've screamed. As it was, she just blinked dumbly.

"Whut? No, mah babies got adopted bah some nice folk. Mah manager said they'd be inna better place."

Audrey gaped. "Oh my god…"

"Ah write them every month!" Candace scrunched her mouth with indignation. "Lailani helped me t'spell good an' all so they wouldn't think their mama was some ig-no-ray-mus! Ah'm a good mama!"

"Master…"

Candace clutched her head, reeling with migraines.

"No… mah babies're safe… She said… she said the doctor would take 'em out… take 'em to a better place… she said -"

It was too much. She spun and uncorked a vial from her clutch, snorting deeply. When Candace lazily turned around, her dreamy, empty eyes were far off in a happy place.

"Haa, that's better. Now… what were we talkin' 'bout?"

Audrey remembered to breathe. "Sprinkles. We were talking about Sprinkles"

"Oh yeah. Whut was ah gonna ask? Tee-hee, ah fergot."

"You were asking - … Look, Sprinkles wrote you a list. It's on your phone."

"Wowee! Here it is! Ah gots me a real smart dog. Well, ah gotta get to the air-o-port. Can ah come visit you again fer Sprinkles' birthday?"

As soon as she stepped out into the mall proper, Audrey yanked the shutters. In the ofuda's dwindling power, Sprinkles' form began to fade. The mutt still had time enough to yap at her.

"Sprinkles tried to warn master about the bad doctor, but she can't hear Sprinkles like you can, Lightbringer. If only Sprinkles had found you long ago -"

Fire flashed from Audrey's eyes, devouring the paper spell scroll. Sprinkles vanished from sight, but the guilt on Audrey's conscience sunk in like a stain.

If only I found you earlier… If only I'd been faster… Master…

Snarling, Audrey booted an empty cat carrier across the shop.

That night, Tiff was off on another rant about her mother: "- and she's cancelling her GED classes! She says she wants to 'commit full-time' to this VTuber streaming bullshit! This isn't a career, Audrey! I -"

"Hey, Tiff? You ever think about thanking your mom?"

The cheerleader stopped in her tracks. Audrey shrugged.

"I mean, maybe she was a shitty mom, but at least she kept you."

"What got into you tonight?"

"Nothing. Ignore me." Fuck, she needed a smoke.

Anyone else would have left her to her cigarettes and misery, but Tiffany joined her on the couch, an arm around her shoulder. "Hard day?"

"Meh."

"Something reminded you of Momo, right?"

Audrey didn't answer, she just sunk into Tiffany's embrace.