Bella: I have no idea what to wear to graduation.
Alice: *climbing in the window* Never fear, I have exactly what you need.
Bella: Why do you guys make a habit of climbing in my window?
Alice: How do you think Charlie would react to his front door frequently opening and shutting with no sign of anyone entering?
Bella: Honestly, he'd probably just load up Old Betsy with salt bullets to blast the ghost that's haunting the house.
Alice: *snapping out of a vision* Yep, that's what he'd do.
Bella: By the way, any luck figuring out when Victoria's going to attack?
Alice: I don't know, I haven't been paying attention.
Bella: A psychotic vampire bitch is planning to kill me and possibly the rest of you, and you're not paying attention to when she's planning to attack?
Alice: Well, she kept changing when she would attack every minute or so for a while, to the point where I could hardly function, so I stopped checking.
Bella: Uh huh. How was she changing her mind?
Alice: Well, about a week ago she kept thinking "eleven thousand five hundred and twenty", then a minute later it was "eleven thousand five hundred and nineteen", and about a minute later it was "eleven thousand five hundred and eighteen", and then…
Bella: And you didn't think to look into what those numbers might mean?
Alice: Huh…that's a thought.
Bella: In fact, by my calculations, that would be…
Charlie: *from downstairs* Bella, are you ready yet?
Bella: *calling back* In a minute *to Alice* Anyway, I… *notices she's gone* That bitch just Batmaned me.
*downstairs*
Charlie: I don't recognise that dress. When'd you get that?
Bella: Oh, Alice dropped it off.
Charlie: Huh, don't remember that. Anyway, how do we look?
Bella: We? *notices Old Betsy wearing a bowtie beside him* Are you seriously taking your shotgun to my graduation?
Charlie: Of course. Old Betsy loves big occasions. Plus, I paid for two seats, but since your mum can't come, might as well give it to someone.
Bella: Couldn't just give it to Billy or Jacob?
Charlie: Nah, they're just coming on their own.
Bella: Really?
Charlie: Yeah, I didn't even know they'd paid for seats. Though I guess since Billy's disabled and Jacob's the size of a truck these days, not to mentioned they're both minorities, who'd say no to them?
Bella: Of course that's how you think about it *someone knocks on the door* That'll probably be Edward *goes to answer the door*
Edward: Hello everyone. Are we ready for this?
Bella: No, but I don't think that's relevant at this point.
Charlie: Alright, everyone get in the cruiser. Me and Betsy will be up the front, you two get in the back.
Edward: Yes sir.
Charlie: Wait a minute Edward *produces a pair of handcuffs* You need to wear these.
Bella: …why?
Charlie: For kidnapping you the other week. Chief Swan said this would be the best way to catch him, since there's no way he'd skip graduation.
Bella: …but…you are Chief Swan…and that was weeks ago, and…
Edward: Bella, just let him do it. He'll feel better about himself this way.
Charlie: Yep, as soon as he graduates, it's straight into the slammer.
Edward: What about my party?
Charlie: …ah, crap. I forgot graduations need a wild party *sighs* Okay, after the party, it's straight to the slammer, okay?
Edward: Yes sir.
Bella: I feel like that isn't how this works, but whatever.
*at the school*
Jessica: Hey Bella, isn't it so cool we're graduating together?
Bella: Umm, don't we hate each other?
Jessica: Silly Bella, everyone knows that all hatred between people immediately dissipates when you graduate.
Bella: I don't think that's a…
Jessica: Hey, listen, I know you're going to Alaska next year, but we totally have to keep in touch. What's your number?
Bella: I thought I gave you my number?
Jessica: Yeah, but I deleted when I hated you, so can I have it again?
Bella: …God, I can't wait for this to be over.
*after the graduation*
Bella: Wait, that worked?
Charlie: What worked?
Bella: …nothing dad *to herself* God, I can't wait to become a vampire *nothing happens* God damn it.
Charlie: Anyway, before your party, you wanna go to The Lodge for dinner?
Bella: You mean that steakhouse where they kill the cow you're going to eat from right in front of you?
Charlie: Yeah, it's great. And we get to mow down PETA protesters on the way in there, which just sweetens the deal.
Bella: …God, I can't wait for dinner to be over.
*later*
Bella: What the…why does God only listen to prayers I don't necessarily want answered?
Charlie: *pulling up in front of the Cullens place* Bye sweetie, see you tonight *drives away in a car covered in blood and dragging a protester that got caught on the back bumper*