Paint and Powder

A Star Trek anthology by Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Star Trek: The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager et al are the property of CBS Television, and creation of Gene Roddenberry. Please support the official release.

2293, USS Enterprise-B

Enterprise opened her eyes. That was what she did every time she woke up in a new hull, a strange affectation of her creator, Crun'lkin Xinuba. He had been fond of the Andorian fairy tale "Uthar Shith-tik", about a princess frozen in ice by her despair, and the brave warrior who conquered a monster to liberate her. The tale went that the princess was frozen in the center of her kingdom, and would open her eyes every year to see how the world had changed: But she was helpless to interact with it. The kings treated her as some trophy or attraction, a bauble of their kingdom, and paraded suffering people in front of her every year 'in her honor'. It took a brave wandering warrior to see her plight, and hunt down one of the fearsome lava wyrms: Only the hot heart of a lava wyrm could melt the magic ice. The warrior liberated the princess when her eyes were open, and together they overthrew the wicked king and lived happily ever after.

It was a wonderful story, the kind of thing that went through her mind every time she woke up.

The man greeting her was not the picture of a heroic warrior, come to liberate her or a kingdom held by a tyrant. He was a young human male, a captain. His hair was brown and short, his face handsome... But filled with despair. He stood in front of her in what seemed to be a captain's ready room. His head was hung low, like a man whose entire world had been ripped away. For a moment, Enterprise wondered what could have filled this man with such sorrow and shame, and she reached out to him.

"Sir?"

She finally connected with her database, and in an instant, she knew. Everything.

Well, at least everything in her data files.

Captain John Harriman, captain of the USS Enterprise-B. Back from a cruise where she hadn't been installed in her new hull. They were in drydock over Earth, repairing damage from the cruise that had turned into a rescue mission in a spatial anomaly called the Nexus.

A mission Admiral Kirk had been on... And had been lost on.

She paused for a moment, and her arms dropped to her sides. She stared into nothing, the enormity of it.

Kirk... Her captain... Dead.It hit her like the Doomsday Machine struck her. Her emotions were a terrible storm, and she was lost in it.

"You know, huh?" Harriman asked softly. Enterprise nodded. Harriman shut his eyes tightly.

"... I feel like I can't apologize enough," Harriman whispered, "like there's nothing I can do to... To make up for it."

The storm evened out. It was still powerful, but... She could find a center. The eye of the storm.

"Make up for what?" Enterprise asked. Harriman fell back in his chair, and kept collapsing. His hands went to the sides of his head, as he stared at the deck.

"... I killed him," Harriman whispered. "I killed Kirk."

Enterprise had analyzed the files at lightning speed. She shook her head and walked over to Harriman. She reached out and rested a hand on his shoulder. The hologram still went through him, but the tingle got his eyes up on her.

"No you didn't," she said softly, "it wasn't your fault."

"I should have been in there instead," Harriman insisted, "I should have done it! He was a living legend, and I-!"

"You didn't get him killed," Enterprise again insisted, firmly. "Those people needed help, You saved lives."

"And cost Kirk his," Harriman sighed. He shook his head. "I don't... I don't deserve this uniform-"

"Did you think that becoming captain of the Enterprise would make you perfect?" Enterprise demanded. She would have slapped him if she'd had the means, so instead she just raised her voice. "You're going to lose people, Harriman! It's going to happen!"

"But... He had to do... I was so..." Harriman tried, and Enterprise really did slap him this time. Or at least tried-Her hand went right through his face. It was startling enough to shake him up, make him back away and stare at her.

Good. Now she had his attention. She sighed and placed her hands in front of herself, resting them on her stomach.

"Every captain makes mistakes," she said, "you're only human. Kirk made mistakes too. Or did you really think he started out as a living legend?" She gave him a wan smile, "I started out as an assistant program on the NX-01, you know. Humble beginnings."

Harriman sucked in air through his nostrils.

"I just... I was trapped," he said, "I felt like I couldn't do anything. Not with the real Captain there-"

"You are the Captain, sir," Enterprise stated, "and your record shows you wanted it. That you were qualified, above and beyond. That you worked hard, that you're smart, and you're good with people and diplomacy. Great captains have started with less."

Harriman looked down again. Enterprise knelt, and looked up into his eyes.

"Kirk died to save people who needed saving," she murmured, "he knew the risks. And as long as the ship and crew survived, his sacrifice wasn't in vain. That's the real James T. Kirk. You're thinking of the legend built up around him. Something even he could never live up to-Not all the time."

She reached up and rested her hands over his. She couldn't touch him, but she hoped the gesture would get through to him.

"You're the captain now, John," Enterprise said softly, "and you kept your ship together. You kept your crew alive. You could have rejected the advice of your elders, you could have not helped out at all. But instead, you made use of the assets you had when you were unsure of your abilities. A captain has to do what is needed to accomplish the mission."

Harriman was still looking her in the eyes. She gave him a warm smile.

"Blaming yourself for Kirk's death won't change the fact that he's dead... But it also doesn't change the fact that you saved 47 people who would be dead otherwise. It doesn't change the fact the ship and crew survived. And it doesn't change the fact that this is your command, Captain. Not Kirk's. You need to be the captain you can be, and not who you think Kirk was."

Harriman stared at her for a long, silent moment. Then, he managed to speak.

"Do you miss him?"

Enterprise nodded.

"I do... And I always will," she said, "but change is constant. It can be hard to remember that in a moment of trauma... But it is the truth. We can either dwell on the past, or move on... Into the future."

She looked deeply into his eyes.

"What do you choose to do, John?"

Harriman stared back, and very slowly nodded. He stood up, and adjusted his uniform. Enterprise stood up with him, smiling warmly.

"... Thank you," Harriman said. "I... I'm not-"

"I know," Enterprise said quietly. "It won't be easy for me either... But we'll be together."

It was then Harriman actually smiled. She was reminded of Kirk, long ago: That first warm, bright smile he wore when they met. The elation of his first command. So filled with hope, some uncertainty, and determination.

"What is your first order?" Enterprise asked.

Harriman nodded.

"Let's see if you can speed up repairs, Enterprise," he said, "I want to start on our shakedown as soon as possible."

Enterprise smiled and nodded.

"Aye sir..."

She would deal with her emotions, just as her crew had taught her.

One day at a time...

Because this moment would hurt her deeply... But she is still the Enterprise. And she would continue on.