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Chapter 42 - Headquarters
The last two hours had been absolute chaos: Harry had packed what he could, tried to coax Hedwig in her cage -who was Not Happy with that like usual, especially since he hadn't used her to send letters at all after being picked up from the Dursleys- and tried to come up with a story together with Barty that would work. They'd drawn up a blank, as they needed to first know if Dumbledore had already made a move to find Harry or not, meaning they had to get back to France to check on Dixie. Without Voldemort, who had to sort out other messes, they couldn't easily get to France. It turned out that not everyone could apparate safely across countries and back. That led to Barty creating an illegal Portkey, which took a while as it needed to be untraceable. In the meantime, Harry mainly worried his head off, because what was he supposed to even say to Dixie? 'Oh hey, I know I was supposed to spend summer with you but that was a giant cover'?
''Don't just stand there Evan,'' Barty chided him, looking the object in his hands thrice over. ''Hmm, almost there.''
''What will we even do there?'' he burst out, giving his worries a voice. ''I gave no thought to Dixie anymore and that I was supposed to be in France. That's… pretty awful now I think of it.'' He also hadn't kept up-to-date with his friends as owls couldn't go back and forth between the two dimensions. He had no idea if they'd tried to reach him… Guilt coiled in his stomach.
''What do you think I was doing all the time?'' the blond asked. ''My days did not only consist of training you and sleeping, you know.'' He grinned with a beam of pride. ''I made sure every couple of days that Ms Étourneau and her mother lived under the blissful illusion that you were still staying at their place; I informed Granger and Weasley that the wards on that house made post impossible, because I honestly didn't feel like faking letters again for so long; I placed evidence around France of you being there by creating mirages in French towns in places where people could have spotted you, but not talked to you… basic magic to make it believable that you were actually there. If you never showed up, after all, Ms Étourneau might have tried to search for you. The only problem we have now… Ah, it's working, quickly!''
Stuffing his wand away, the Death Eater held the slightly glowing apple towards Harry. A sickening moment later, they stood inside a thicket and Harry reeled back. Had they appeared a few more inches forwards, he'd have been speared by a pointy branch that stuck out. ''Urgh, I shouldn't have used something still-living,'' Barty muttered. ''Remind me next time that plants are out as Portkeys, it threw my magic out of the loop a bit. As I was saying, the only problem we have now is that the last time I checked on her was the day before yesterday and if the Order has already reached out to her, I've no idea how she would explain your absence. The memory charms are supported by a confirmation bias enhancer, so she should try to come up with reasonable explanations, but you never know.''
''What is confirmation bias?'' Harry asked, while trying to free his feet from the tangled mess of the underbrush and soppy mud. It looked like the heatwave was very central to England, it clearly had rained here recently.
''I'll explain on the way, it's about a ten-minute walk from here, I only need to think of how to move unseen. I can shrink your trunk of course, but hiding the owl and us will be difficult. Maybe a distortion shield? Or perhaps simple Disillusionment Charms will do... tricky choice, what do you say?.''
Harry instantly started rummaging through his trunk, which had landed about a yard away from him, and pulled out the invisibility cloak. ''This might help.''
''Wicked.'' Barty whistled as he took the cloak. ''I've never seen one this perfect… and I can know, the old man hid me under invisibility cloaks for years.''
Harry hadn't thought about that detail, growing worried ''Will it be okay for you to use?''
''Yeah… yeah… fine…'' He didn't sound fine, and Harry was just about to propose that they should think of a different plan, when Barty had already covered them both. ''Cosy,'' he spoke with a strained grin. ''So, now your trunks... keep the cage close, this thing isn't exactly gigantic.'' Very awkwardly, they started to shuffle, leaving the thicket, which turned out to really only be a strip of trees separating two fields, and making their way through a large cabbage field. At least there didn't seem to be any people around in this time of day, so it didn't matter much if sometimes a hand or foot was uncovered for a moment. The trek would have taken ages otherwise. ''So, as for that spell… imagine it like this. I implanted false memories in Dixie's mind every few days. But what about the time in between? Before 'fixing' her memories again, she would go a couple of days without actually seeing you, yes? Normally, that would already be a cause for her to go searching for you.
That is where the confirmation bias spell comes in. People naturally try to only search for explanations and information that confirms their own knowledge. If two people argue about a topic and search for sources, both will generally only look for sources that back up their own opinion. It's a common thing to do. With charms, you can enhance this behaviour to the extent of people even in their own mind creating explanations that match what they perceive to be a reality. Ms Étourneau thinks you are spending time at her place, so whenever she cannot find you, her mind comes up with a myriad of explanation as for why you are not there in that moment, even creating false memories of, say, you telling her that you went into town, or are visiting a different friend for a few days instead. It works perfectly for the purpose we had.''
''I sense a massive 'but' coming up.''
''Well yes, it is highly unpredictable, made harder by the fact that it is not only her, but also her mother whom I charmed. It is possible that, should anyone ask them after your whereabouts, they'll both give vastly different and perhaps not very realistic answers. What we will have to do depends completely on whether someone already visited, and if so, what was said.''
''Why did you change their memories every few days?'' Harry asked. ''Wouldn't that confirmation spell have been enough?''
''The longer your perceived absence, the wilder the theories they would have had to come up with to explain it. It is easy to think of a reason of why you are gone for two days while staying over, not so much for two weeks. Eventually, they might have broken through the confirmation spell.''
''Changing their memories so often… isn't that dangerous?''
Barty raised his eyebrows. ''Of course, I doubt they'll be mentally the same. And?''
It was as if a lump of ice hit him in the stomach. ''Wait, this hurts them? Definitely?'' he exclaimed in alarm.
''Hush, your invisibility cloak won't do us any good if you start screaming instead! Yes, I knew, it was the easiest way to have you stay inconspicuous. Don't blame yourself instantly, I figured that you wouldn't like my solution, so I didn't mention how exactly I changed her memories. It's not all your fault kid.''
It was slightly disconcerting that Barty instantly knew Harry would blame himself. He still couldn't help but say: ''But it is! I selfishly requested to use this cover again.'' To think that because of his reckless choices and at the cost of his happiness, other people had suffered was devastating. Harry had always tried his hardest to not have his actions impact others negatively unless he found they deserved it. Dixie had been nothing but nice to him, and he'd never even met her mother.
''You didn't know the implications of what you were asking for,'' Barty sighed. ''Both our Lord and I knew that and still found it the best option.''
''It was my wish to stay over again in the first place,'' he stubbornly continued, not wanting anyone else to take the blame when it was clearly his fault. To his surprise, Barty just laughed incredulously.
''You think that He would have let you stay away? Sure, it may have been your wish to stay with us again this summer, but even if you hadn't, the outcome would have been the same. I'm not blind, our Lord is… drawn to you. I've never seen him discuss anything so openly and eagerly with anyone else but you, been so passionate about wanting to teach you as any who came before you. Look, if you really feel bad about it, we can try to come up with something different for the next time you visit. Because you will come again. I know I might be overstepping some bounds here since I don't own the place but… my home is your home, kid. I'm sure that He shares that thought.''
A small smile spread over Harry's face as warmth spread in his chest. He hadn't realised that the feeling of having found a place to call home was mutual. ''Is there any way to reverse the effect?'' he asked to get back to the topic at hand. ''Heal them?''
''Perhaps, it's not as if I wiped their minds completely, and it was only for a couple of weeks that I changed their memories. It might be difficult to get them admitted to the hospital without it being found out what was done to them though. I don't know any mind-healers personally either. Now, we should be a lot more careful…'' They'd arrived at a sign that said 'Bienvenue á Beynac-et-Cazenac' next to a road leading into a village. The cobblestones gleamed in the orange light of the setting sun. They followed the road in silence for some time, Barty going in front and Harry clinging onto him so the cloak wouldn't slip off, Hedwig's cage held tightly under one arm.
After many twists and turns, Barty whispered: ''We're here. Careful, Muggles can still see us. The houses are not as well-hidden as they should be.'' It was difficult to see anything, being behind Barty and under the cloak. That dusk was setting in didn't help much either. A shiver went up his spine for some reason. Deciding to trust his instincts, Harry looked over his shoulder, peering through the fabric. At the end of the long street, he could make out two figures coming closer. Figures that weren't doing their best to hide at all even though the robes and hats made it clear that they weren't the Muggles that Barty had warned about. In fact, Harry concluded, one of them looked incredibly familiar…
''Shit, Barty!'' he whispered in alarm. ''The Ministry is here! That's an Auror!''
''The Ministry?'' Barty hissed back. ''Damn it all, hurry!'' They rushed through the front garden and unlocked the door quickly. Thankfully there didn't seem to be any added security in place. Living amongst Muggles would probably turn most magical burglars away, and the standard spells would be enough to repel Muggle ones. ''What are Aurors doing here?'' the Death Eater muttered in slight panic when they were inside. ''Thank Merlin that it looks like they didn't spot us. Bring your trunk and the owl upstairs, make it look like you've been here for ages, I'll take care of the rest. We have maybe half a minute right now. I have to figure out if the Order was already here or not and fix their memories…
To not waste any time, Harry did as he was told and went upstairs, finding the guest bedroom quickly as the house wasn't really large, roughly the same size of the Dursleys' place. Hastily, he threw open the trunk, scattered some clothes around and redressed in a Muggle t-shirt and jeans like he would normally wear during holidays. He'd just opened Hedwig's cage and crashed onto the bed when the doorbell rang. With bated breath, he waited, seconds ticking by. How fast was Barty? Was Harry, as a guest, allowed to even answer the door? Should he, before they decided to break in? The bell rang for a second time, shorter and shriller than before, accompanied by a couple of knocks. Just as he'd made up his mind and was on the way to the door, he heard voices. It appeared that Dixie's mother had let them in. The house was old, covered in rugs and tapestries, so everything he heard sounded incredibly muffled, Harry couldn't even determine whether they spoke French or English. He jerked back from the door as heavy footsteps hurried up the stairs and a knock sounded at his door.
Casting a glance around the room to make sure it looked like he'd been here for a while, Harry opened the door. ''Hello?'' he asked, looking up at the tall Auror he'd seen once before when bringing Pettigrew away.
''Mr Potter,'' the man smiled, taking away a bit from his imposing figure. ''The name is Kingsley, we've met already last year…''
''Yeah, yeah I remember,'' Harry said, opening the door fully now to let him and the second person in, a silver-haired man who appeared to be of the same age as Professor McGonagall or Professor Sprout. ''Why are you here? Did I do anything wrong?'' he asked. It was completely irrational, since he knew people would be coming to take him to 'safety' now that it was announced that Voldemort was back, but the sight of Aurors made him more fearful of perhaps his underage magic having been picked up and Aurors showing up to drag him away. ''And just call me Harry,'' he added.
''Right, Harry,'' Kingsley spoke in his calm, deep voice. ''No need for panic, I am not here on duty. Not for the Ministry at least. My friend Elphias Doge over here and I have come on request of Dumbledore.''
''Took us quite a while to find you!'' Doge said. ''We came up with a plan first to get you away from your family by tricking them into winning a greenest-hedge-contest, but then your friends told us after an hour of planning and organising that you weren't even there!'' the tone sounded slightly accusing.
''I am allowed to go on holiday, right?''
''Well, yes, but-'' Doge sputtered.
''In either case,'' Kingsley continued, giving Doge a withered stare. ''We are here to escort you to the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. I was told that you have been informed about the organisation?''
''Yeah, the one at…'' Harry made a few weird noises, then blinked a few times in confusion. For some reason, he could not pronounce 'Grimmauld place' anymore, only think about it. Somehow, he was certain that he could not give an accurate description of how to go to the place either.
''Ah, I forgot that you knew the address before,'' Kingsley mused, withdrawing a slip of paper. ''New security measures have been added to the already solid wards that were in place. First, please answer this: what form does your Patronus take?''
''A stag?'' Harry answered in confusion.
''Good, we had to make sure we got the real Harry, not an impostor,'' the man nodded.
''How do you know... Professor Lupin! I forgot for a moment that he is also a member.'' And how strange was that actually, a werewolf being part of a Light organisation? ''Why are you actually picking me up?'' he asked for good measure. ''Previously, Dumbledore said that I was only allowed to spend two weeks there.'' He was satisfied with how the eyebrows of both men rose at his wording.
''I'm sure that you must have misunderstood the Headmaster,'' Doge said with a wavering smile. ''Your godfather is there, surely you are allowed to go there when you want to…''
''No, he said I had to stay with my Muggle family, that I would be safer there than at the Order since a Death Eater was still out.'' Not entirely true, not entirely a lie either. Dumbledore had insisted on him going back to the Dursleys. The others exchanged a glance. Picking a Muggle house over a highly-protected Headquarters must look like a very strange decision when put so black-and-white.
''Voldemort,'' Kingsley spoke in a grave tone while Doge squeaked a bit at the name. ''We have received information that he is… back.''
Harry frowned. ''I know, he possessed my first Defence professor. This has been known for years.''
Kingsley paused, mustering him a bit differently than before, maybe because he hadn't reacted to the name at all. Harry thought it was a good difference, as if he would be taken a bit more serious now. Maybe Kingsley also remembered how Harry had dragged in and dropped a caged criminal on his desk. ''No, I mean really back. Returned to full power. We still have to find other sources to see how accurate this information is, but all signs point to it so for now we are taking it as the truth. As a precaution, Dumbledore wants to have you moved to Headquarters. A lone Death Eater is one thing, Voldemort himself is something else. We cannot leave you here.''
''If it's necessary, fine.'' It wouldn't do any good to start fake-protests. ''I'll go pack and say goodbye to my friend. You can wait here if you want, it won't take long.'' Harry hoped that Barty had already found an opportunity to sneak out of the house, but just in case, a bit more time wasn't going to hurt.
The 'goodbye' to Dixie was awkward. Harry had absolutely no idea what to say to a witch whom had been emotionally and mentally manipulated to cover his arse and who still thought due to the spells cast upon her, that Harry was one of her greatest friends. It had been a mistake to keep up the pretend, Harry could feel it in his bones as she hugged him and whispered a tearful 'good luck'. Had circumstances been different, had they met through normal means, they might have become real friends. Now, he'd always have the thought hanging between them that he'd used her, and she didn't even know it. It had been too convenient to be good. Barty may have kept the exact effects from him, Harry hadn't asked about them either. Now, even the apology he desperately wanted to utter wouldn't get over his lips, terrified that Kingsley and Doge would think something was wrong.
The Hat had been right, Harry thought, rather depressed as they left the house and Kingsley prepared a Portkey. He should have been a Slytherin, self-preservation weighing more heavily on his decisions than bravery. He sincerely hoped never having to face Dixie and her mother again until the day he could return to heal them, even if that would take an eternity. The Portkey trip didn't lift his spirits any further, nor did an additional apparition in case someone picked up on the Portkey trail. Only once they stood in front of Sirius' home did Harry feel a hint of relief. Thanks to Barty, he'd made it here without trouble, no suspicion cast upon his summer activities. And as much as he would miss Riddle House, he knew that behind those doors, his godfather and perhaps several of his friends were waiting.
On a second look, he realised that they were not quite standing in front of the door yet: somehow, the house -of which he couldn't recall the number clearly-, had disappeared: he could only see number 11 and number 13. Even when trying to follow pure logic, he just could not come up with what should be in between. Astonished about that piece of magic, the teen unfolded the slip of paper Kingsley had handed him before, he familiar address suddenly present in his mind again as soon as he read the words which were, to his annoyance, not in Sirius' but in Dumbledore's handwriting. He supposed it made sense, Dumbledore had also cast the Fidelius charm on the house of Harry's parents, there were bound to be few people who could cast that spell.
Kingsley approached the door and tapped. For the first time, Harry realised that it had neither a letterbox nor a keyhole, and he wondered if those had been removed for the 'added security' or if he just hadn't noticed that detail last time. Only a silver doorknocker remained, formed like a snake. For a brief moment, Harry had the urge to hiss open, then stopped himself. His company surely wouldn't appreciate him starting to speak Parseltongue in this moment – if ever - and he doubted that every snake-shaped object in the world had been enchanted to listen to it. The door opened slowly, after numerous metallic clicking noises, though Kingsley didn't seem to be one for dramatics and pushed it open further himself as he stepped inside.
The hallway was a lot gloomier than last time he'd been here, when he had had to avoid Sirius' water buckets and confetti cannons. It was absolutely silent and dark apart from distant, barely audible voices. Had the portrait of Sirius' mother become more sensitive to sound? She'd only started screaming a few times during the week Harry had been a guest here, surely it wasn't worth these dramatics. Doge waved his wand, old gas lamps lighting up, casting large, flickering shadows everywhere, not improving the creepy mood in here by much. At least, Harry concluded, it was clean now: he recalled that everything had been dusty in here, cobwebs having covered the chandelier. It looked like Sirius had gotten some more cleaning done, maybe in preparation of the Order coming here soon as Harry had predicted. ''Everything is a bit chaotic right now, apologies,'' Kingsley said, while enlarging Harry's trunks again and placing them against the side, making the already narrow corridor even smaller. Harry carefully placed Hedwig on top, who gave him a very accusing look as Doge had hit her with a silencing charm. ''After the news of today… All our plans have been completely wiped off the table, so I hope you'll forgive not receiving a grander welcome.''
''It's fine, really.''
''Good. There's a meeting going on right now…'' Kingsley hesitated and mustered Harry.
''Oh no, no no no,'' Doge threw in. ''I know that look Kingsley. Meetings are only for Order members, surely we can't allow a child in there. Harry, your friend Ronald is waiting upstairs, you should go to him.''
''Doge, this 'child' captured a criminal on his own and then went to the Aurors for justice instead of doing something stupid. He was thirteen years old at the time and is fifteen now. We dragged him away from the place he was staying for a good reason, I find that he should know more about it. He deserves some explanations.''
''Also,'' Harry added, ''I'm the same age my father was when he joined the Order. Or Sirius.'' Both men gave him a surprised look.
''You're still not a member…'' Doge still tried.
''Follow me,'' the tall Auror spoke with a brief smile and a jerk of his head. Gladly, Harry complied, not so much to get more information -he knew more than any of them- but because it would mean seeing Sirius again. As much as he dreaded what choice words his godfather had to say to him, he was truly excited to be reunited. He shuffled through the narrow, ill-lit corridor, the voices getting louder as he followed Kingsley down a small stone set of stairs that he'd missed the last time he'd been here. Kingsley opened a door and stepped in, revealing a dark, cavernous room that Harry suspected was the original kitchen, going by all the pots and pans that hung from the ceiling. Sirius had created a makeshift kitchen on the first floor as well, he wondered what had happened to that. It appeared that muffling spells had been on the door, for all of a sudden, he could hear what was being said loud and clear.
''-doesn't look like he trusts you too much now. What exactly were you saying before about you risking your life?'' Sirius practically shouted through the room.
''Sit down you imbecile!'' Snape retorted, his sneer even obvious without Harry being able to see his face. ''None of us can know what the Dark Lord is thinking. Certainly not you. Before rushing into action, we need to calculate all possibilities, see this from various sides. Currently, our best guess is-'' Snape broke off as Harry stepped into the room, coal eyes burning with what could only described as intense hatred. Good, it looked like nothing had changed between them. Harry had feared that Snape would suddenly start behaving weirdly after receiving the combined gift and threat from Harry's mother. If Snape was still the same jerk as before, Harry wouldn't need to change his behaviour towards the git either.
''Your best guess is what?'' he asked innocently. Even if Snape would have actually answered him, it would have been lost to Harry, who was smothered by Mrs Weasley.
''Harry! Merlin, you're safe! We were all so worried when the news came in and…. and…'' she gasped for air and released him, face creased with worry as she looked him in the eye. ''At the very least it looks like you ate properly this summer,'' she commented, on which Harry gave a weak smile. Voldemort had a lot of negative traits, but he certainly wasn't stingy on grocery money.
''It's good to see you again Mrs Weasley,'' he spoke, meaning every word. It was always a delight to be around the Weasleys, a family who had tried to accept him as one of their own from the very first day Harry had stepped foot in the Burrow. Even as he said it though, his eyes were already searching around the table, heart jumping a bit as it landed on Sirius, who was leaning backwards in a seat with a genuine grin on his face. ''Excuse me,'' he said, practically running the few yards it took to reach his godfather's now opened arms. All previous worries melted away as he was held in a tight embrace.
''I'm glad you're here,'' Sirius whispered.
''Me too,'' he mumbled back, burying his head in the man's shoulder, which smelled of dust and leather.
''How very touching,'' Snape hissed. ''But I have places to be, so I would appreciate it if we could continue the meeting without teenagers storming in who have no business being here.'' Snape definitely had a lot more gall now than the day before yesterday, where he had looked just as afraid as the other Death Eaters when Harry had commanded Nagini around.
He turned around and was about to give the man a piece of his mind when Mrs Weasley spoke up: ''I agree with professor Snape, dearie. We're in the middle of a meeting and I'm sure we will have lots of time to catch up in the next few days.''
''Kingsley invited me in,'' Harry said, raising an eyebrow at the Auror, who had looked at the scene with a bit of amusement.
To his great surprise, Sirius, who had released him now, rose and put a hand on Harry's shoulder. ''I think Harry should stay. He has a right to some answers.'' Snape looked as if having swallowed a lemon, while Mrs Weasley gave a disapproving look. No-one else reacted much, and Harry took this moment to see who was all there. On the opposite side of the table sat Lupin, looking more haggard and tired than ever. Next to him was of the other Aurors Harry had seen last year, sporting neon pink hair. Arthur and Bill Weasley were present too, as well as a few people Harry hadn't met before.
''Kingsley, I had not expected such an irresponsible action from you,'' Mrs Weasley continued, putting her hands in her sides. ''Harry is far too young to be invited into these meetings.''
''Harry is not your responsibility,'' Sirius growled.
''But he's yours?'' she countered, raising her chin in challenge. ''Don't forget that Dumbledore explicitly said that we're not allowed to tell him more than he needs to know.'' Harry's mood darkened instantly at that sentence. So, the Headmaster once again was trying to keep information from him?
''First of all Molly, I am his godfather, and secondly, I'm well aware of Dumbledore's words, thank you very much.''
By the reddening of Mrs Weasley's cheeks, she had a few more choice words to say about it, but Harry found that it was high time he stepped in himself. ''I would prefer to be included when people squabble over me,'' he said, catching Kingsley's approving nod. He may have just gained a very cool ally. Harry didn't allow either Sirius or Mrs. Weasley to continue speaking before he had said everything he wanted to, so hastily continued: ''When it comes to age, it appears that all of you seem to forget that during the time of the first Order, people as young as fifteen were allowed to sign up, I don't see why you would suddenly change those requirements and pretend as if it's unacceptable for teenagers to take responsibility.'' He looked over his shoulder up to Sirius. ''Both you and dad were fifteen, right?''
''How did you… yes. Almost sixteen when we started working for Dumbledore during summer holidays, but yes. I see your point. Some adults seem to forget how capable they themselves were at the age of those they now try to protect against gruesome details,'' Sirius sarcastically said, words clearly directed towards Mrs Weasley. ''I don't think you're a child anymore.''
''He's not an adult either! He's still at school!'' Mrs Weasley protested. ''I think you're confusing your godson too much with your best friend!'' It was a low blow, and it was clear to everyone present. Lupin sucked in a breath, even Mr Weasley gave his wife a concerned look.
Harry decided that it would be better for the general mood not to become provoked by it, a skill he'd -almost- perfected, being around a highly volatile Dark Lord for so long. Thus, he continued where he'd left of: ''Right. Secondly, I was dragged away from my holiday residence to get to safety. I'd like to at least have a clue as to why. Kingsley told me Voldemort's returned. So, I have some questions, and considering that Dumbledore saw it fit to get me here earlier than agreed plus is expecting me to somehow do something against Voldemort, it would be absolutely great if I have some idea on what is going on.''
''What do you mean with those expectations you speak of?'' Lupin spoke, leaning forwards. ''And hello, great to see you again.''
''Likewise,'' Harry smiled. He considered for a moment, then figured that it wouldn't do any harm to tell these people about it. ''Dumbledore started giving me lessons last year, giving me information about Voldemort. He seems to believe that, since I survived the Killing curse, I will have a role to play in defeating Voldemort.'' The room went utterly silent at that, everyone staring at him. It was broken by a rather unhygienic-looking man wearing a mixture of tattered robes and old Muggle clothing.
''See? See? I told you, Dumbledore always has another plan ready!''
''Shut it, Dung.'' Sirius snapped. Harry wondered if 'Dung' had been earned as the world's worst nickname or if Wizarding parents were really that desperate to give their children eccentric names. In either case, Dung didn't protest against it and instead lit a pipe, adding to the already present layer of smoke in the room. Accepted indoor smoking was probably one of Harry's least favourite parts of this side of the world. The only establishments he knew had a non-smoking policy were those in Hogsmeade, and even there, exceptions were made in the three Broomsticks for teachers or particularly nagging customers. Maybe he should ask Voldemort if anything could be done against those laws. Sirius turned towards him and asked: ''Harry, did Dumbledore give any further details about that role?''
He shook his head. ''Vague as always, though he pressed that it's very important that I learn more about the man.''
''Man.'' Mrs Weasley scoffed. ''Monster, more likely.''
''The main goal of those lessons indeed points towards Dumbledore wanting me to agree with that statement,'' he couldn't help but say, earning him a couple of strange looks.
Lupin rubbed his chin, where a slight stubble had appeared during the time Harry hadn't seen him. ''You do not agree with it?'' Harry relaxed slightly at the way it was asked, without any judgement.
Harry tried his best to avoid Snape's accusing stares as he formulated an answer: ''Seeing someone's past, their behaviour as a child and a teenager, aren't especially dehumanising, quite the opposite. Besides, I personally don't think it's good to pretend Voldemort isn't human. It would make it easier to overlook the fact that, if it comes down to a duel of sorts, killing him would also make the one casting the final blow a murderer.''
''Are you really that delusional to think that, against a Dark Lord, you need to take the moral high ground?'' his potion master asked incredulously, then laughed. ''If Dumbledore lies any of his hopes in your hands, Potter, we're all doomed.''
Harry didn't even need to think of any reply, the room exploded in angry shouts at that open criticism of Dumbledore. Only a few kept out of it, Sirius one of them to Harry's great surprise. His godfather only spoke again once Mr Weasley had managed to calm everyone down. ''So, what are your questions, Harry?'' For some reason, it felt like a test, and as he looked up to fully face Sirius, he noticed the tense lines around the man's eyes.
''A general overview,'' he shrugged. It wasn't like he wanted to play spy for Voldemort, nor did he need to with Snape appearing to be a full-fledged Order member. ''What happened today exactly, what the Order is actually up to. I mean, you must all be meeting about something more concrete than 'fighting evil' right? I'm not sure I really understand the purpose of this organisation, certainly not since Dumbledore called it together before Voldemort popped up again.''
''Alright, take a seat.'' Sirius said, kicking a chair out from under the table. Under heavy protest from Snape that no-one else listened to, Harry joined them at the table, where he first got a proper introduction round. Sirius did most of the talking after, maybe because he was well-aware of being one of the few who wasn't so clueless as to where Harry's allegiances lay and, like having promised Mrs Weasley, ensured that Harry didn't know anything too specific. He mainly explained general tasks and roles: that Kingsley kept the Ministry from finding Sirius; that Tonks and a couple of other members kept their ears open in various areas of the Ministry to see if they could find Voldemort's spies and recruit more people for the Order. That Lupin did the same with the werewolf clans and that others who did not work in the Ministry like Mrs Weasley, Bill, Doge and Dung -whose full name appeared to be Mundungus, which wasn't much of an improvement- followed trails where suspected Death Eaters had been seen to try and catch them doing anything illegal, or protect possible targets from the shadows. There hadn't been much success until now, though the members swore that they had a pretty good idea of who were high-ranking Death Eaters. Most of their actions were following Dumbledore's hunches because, as Lupin put it 'Dumbledore's hunches turn out to often be reliable.'
''What is Dumbledore's current idea of what Voldemort is planning? I mean, it's only been known that's he's returned for what, a few hours?''
''No, Dumbledore already suspected this might be the case, ever since the end of last school year when Crouch showed up and revealed his plan. We just only got reliable information on it today. One of his Death Eaters went running to the Ministry and told the Aurors that Voldemort's been back for approximately a year now. We suspect he's waiting, building up his army. During the war, he commanded massive armies, people who were there either by choice, forced or under charms. He won't start another war with a handful of people. Admittedly, it's an incredible loss for us that we only know now that he is back. We are also trying to find out what Crouch's actual plan was, since he said something about needing your death to resurrect his Lord. Clearly, that was a lie.''
''You said that one of his Death Eaters betrayed him. Any clue why?'' That possibly was the one thing that currently interested him most. Rosier had joined them at Lughnasadh right before going to the Ministry and turning on his Lord.
''One,'' It was Snape who had answered now. ''The one who came with this story was a man called Rosier. He had been a Death Eater from the very start and pressured his own family into joining the Dark Lord's cause as well. During one of the raids, Alastor Moody killed his son. Afterwards, I suspect that Rosier directed all his hatred at Moody. Now Moody has disappeared and is presumed dead. Crouch must have murdered him on the Dark Lord's orders. That left Rosier both without revenge and with a new enemy. After Moody, the Dark Lord himself was mostly to blame for his son's death.''
''It is not the only theory,'' Tonks cut in. ''I was there when Rosier stormed in. He appeared half-mad, showing us the Dark Mark on his arm before saying anything. I keep thinking of his words… 'All I wanted has been reduced to ash, never to return. This is not what he promised.' I think Rosier was unhappy with whatever You-Know-Who is currently doing. He was always one of the more fanatic Death Eaters, revelling in bloodshed. Perhaps it all went too slow to his liking? Snape's theory could also be a factor, no denying that but… he could have gone to the Ministry as soon as it became clear that Moody was dead. As he didn't, something else must have happened.''
Something had happened. Harry had been there, shown to have Voldemort's trust despite everything. He'd imagined that not every one of the man's followers would be very happy with that revelation. This though? Betrayal at the cost of one's mind? For other than Wormtail, Rosier had known about the changes in the Mark, Voldemort had told his Death Eaters about it to discourage them from doing exactly this.
''I think that's quite enough now.'' Mrs Weasley spoke, clearly not having given up on her quests to keep Harry away from anything 'harmful'. ''Talk of death, of madmen, ofHe-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, with all of you so casually mentioning that vile name!''
''Dumbledore taught me that one should call people by their names to not increase their power,'' Harry spoke.
''Dearie, the Headmaster is brilliant, a genius, and sometimes forgets that not everyone is extraordinary. Someone who already defeated a Dark Lord maybe has a different view on things. I for one, will never forget that brief period of time at the end of the war where the name was made Taboo. He's back now, he could easily cast that spell again. My fear is well-justified!''
''A Taboo curse isn't easy, he'd need massive amounts of power, Molly,'' Lupin spoke to calm her down. ''There is a reason why he was only able to cast it during the absolute height of his power. Also, we are behind solid wards and a Fidelius charms, even a Taboo curse couldn't track us here.''
''What is that?'' Harry asked, never having heard the term before.
''The actual reason why everyone in the Wizarding World still does not speak his name,'' Kingsley answered when no-one else saw fit to reply to the question. ''A taboo curse is a type of universal tracker. The curse is bound to a specific concept or idea in the form of words. Whoever utters one or more specific words that have been cursed, sends a signal out. Voldemort used it on his own name as he got it in his head that it was disrespectful to be casually spoken. Honestly, the curse went slightly awry. Originally, he placed it because his enemies called him only 'Voldemort' rather than 'Lord Voldemort', so he tried to curse the usage of it without proper respects. Taboo curses don't work like that though, so once it was bound to 'Voldemort', it didn't matter if anything additional was said or not, saying the name triggered the curse regardless of casual or honorific use. In either case, it placed a tracker on those who said it, which was picked up by specifically assigned people bound to the Taboo, called snatchers. They would instantly apparate towards the offender, straight through most weaker wards, and drag them in for questioning, often consisting of torture and eventual murder. We were lucky to have picked it up quickly, we lost only three members to the Taboo curse. Ever since his death, some of us use the name again now to spite him. Most others can't forget how much damage was done by uttering that cursed name. As Molly said, those who still stick to avoiding the name cannot be blamed for cowardice. Certainly now, it is risky to call him Voldemort when not under sure protection. The Headmaster encouraging people to call him by name, especially the younger generation who only imitate their parents without knowing the backstory, was a noble thought of resistance before. Now Voldemort is back, it is plain dangerous.''
''Thanks, could not have voiced it better myself,'' Sirius spoke. ''Now then, I finally must give in to Molly's demands, I do think we've said enough for now. It's getting late and we really need to still address a couple of more specific points in this meeting. Go upstairs and pick a room, you're welcome to share one with Ron or choose your own, we still have a couple that are not in use and have been cleaned out on a certain someone's demand.''
''It is dangerous to have rooms filled with Doxies and dark artefacts,'' Mrs Weasley spoke, appearing to be more amused about the comment than angry now Sirius had yielded to her demands at last.
''You can be glad to not have been here a month ago kiddo, we did nothing but cleaning,'' his godfather whispered, giving a wink.
''Noted, I'll be eternally grateful. Thank you, really. It means a lot to me that you let me stay.'' Sirius gave a short nod, his expression twisting a bit.
''The meeting shouldn't take too long anymore. If it's okay for you, I would like to… to talk to you still afterwards. I know it's late already but…''
''I'd love to. Just knock on the door, I'm pretty sure I'll take the room with Ron.''
''I will.'' Sirius was silent for a few seconds, then said: ''Harry? It's… really good to see you safe and sound.''
''Same,'' he said, aware of that those words did not carry the same weight as Sirius' did, with the underlying knowledge of some of Harry's questionable activities. Giving Mr and Mrs Weasley another hug on the way out and trying his best to avoid Snape's death glare -it was not as effective as the one he'd come to get used to- Harry made his way upstairs.
Or rather, he made his way half up the first flight of stairs, where four equally red tufts of hair appeared from behind the railing, a flesh-coloured thread being dragged up by one of the Weasley Twins. ''I can't believe that they just let you in! Fred and I have been trying for ages and we are of age! But nooo, we still go to school and must be protected at all costs! Nothing against you Harry, good to have you back. You asked exactly the right questions, we've found out more today than in the past weeks. Kingsley forgot to redo the repelling charms as you entered.''
''Glad to have been of help,'' Harry grinned, accepting the pats on his back. ''Hey everyone. How has your summer been?''
''Boring,'' Ron grumbled. ''You'd think that being at a super-secret Headquarters would be exciting. As George said, it's been anything but. They invented these wicked things to listen in-'' he held up the threads ''but ever since mum caught us once -on the third day!- we have barely been able to get a whisper.''
''Fooled you little brother, I'm Fred,'' Fred spoke.
''That joke might work on mum, but we don't actually care much,'' Ginny piped in, grinning like a Cheshire cat. ''How about we call you both 'Draco' from now on? Avoids any confusion.''
''We've taught you too much.''
''No, all my wit comes from Bill, sorry. So, Harry, what have you been up to?''
Can't you see from my tan?'' he joked, showing his arms, which were the same colour as always. ''I spent the summer in France.''
Ginny shoved him and rolled her eyes. ''Very funny. As if I could tell. Were you really in France?''
''Yeah, Dixie invited me and I figured it was a great opportunity to get away from the Dursleys. For some reason, Dumbledore only wanted me to stay here for two weeks so, had to find something else to escape. Good thing too as it turns out, I know we made jokes about Death Eaters showing up at Privet Drive, but it seems to be more serious than I thought. Are you the only ones here by the way? No Hermione? Or Percy?'' The faces of all of them instantly sank. It would have been comedical, had they not all looked so devastated. ''Did I say something wrong?''
''Good thing you didn't mention Percy before when mum could hear you. She starts crying whenever his name is uttered. Come on, we'd better tell you somewhere she definitely won't hear.'' Confused, Harry followed the others to a rather minimalistic bedroom with two single beds. By all the orange items that were spread across one of them, Harry figured this was where Ron slept. ''Basically, Percy and dad had a massive row and, being the prick he is, he left. We haven't heard from him since.''
''What was the row about?''
''Dumbledore and our parents supporting him. Ever since taking over from Crouch Senior at the Tournament, Percy has gotten it into his head that he can rise to the top of the Ministry by appealing to the right people. Dumbledore is not one of those people.''
''Why? I thought Dumbledore was respected even within the Ministry.''
Ron replied: ''Focus on 'was'. There's a reason why the Prophet has been silent on the whole ordeal with a Death Eater coming into Hogwarts. Fudge is in denial, massive denial. He blames Dumbledore for causing panic and blowing things out of proportion. I can't imagine how much worse things are going to be now that another Death Eater has shown up and announced that You-Know-Who has returned. One of the few pieces of info that we actually picked up easily, for the entirely Order was in an uproar about it and Tonks was rather loose-lipped to Ginny.''
''I think she wants to recruit me for the Aurors to have another person to talk to,'' Ginny shrugged. ''I've got my eyes set on Quidditch, but it can't hurt to let her think I'm considering an Auror job for the time being.''
''You don't even play Quidditch!'' Ron interjected.
''Yeah, because last year it was cancelled and before that, there were no open spots to try out for! Excuse me, but I beat all of you as a chaser and a seeker during practise games at home. Only Harry can outfly me.''
''Doubt there'll be any other open spots this year. We only need a new Keeper now Wood graduated.''
''I know, it sucks. Not interested in that position much. And since you will be Seeker until my seventh year, I can only try for Chaser next year maybe. Can we get back on topic now? Thank you. So, our dear brother blamed dad for ruining Percy's possible career and stormed out of the house. Mum's begged for him to come back, even went to his current apartment where he had the audacity to slam the door shut without hearing her out.'' Harry hadn't gotten an incredibly favourable impression from Percy, but had never thought that the stern boy would put his career over family in such an extreme way. ''It's a good thing that the newspapers stopped publishing anything negative about you since Skeeter disappeared, I'm sure he'd have given one of his condescending speeches about the importance of choosing the right friends. The prick should have gone to Slytherin!''
''I'll make sure to avoid mentioning him. What have all of you been up to if you couldn't get any information?''
''What do you think? Making this place liveable,'' Ron said. ''It was full of harmful artefacts before. Sirius cleaned a few rooms which he inhabited, that was about it. The entire upper floors were a danger hazard. Some robes tried to strangle me, Ginny was bitten by a snuffbox that held weird powder, Fred and George tackled a doxy plague in the curtains… We only finished the library a couple of days ago. Mum is still debating on whether or not we should clean out the remaining rooms or leave them as is, I think it'll depend on how many more people will want to crash here at once. We still have two spare ones that are clean and that's it.''
''I'm surprised to hear there are so many bedrooms actually,'' Harry said. ''I didn't really explore the house much, but when Sirius was younger, it was only his parents, him and his younger brother. Now most of your family stays here permanently, plus Sirius and a couple of other order members?''
''Well, it is a four-story building. This is the Black's ancestral home and I've seen the tapestry with the family tree. There used to be people who had five or six kids so it makes sense there are so many rooms. To be fair, we did redesign a few rooms into bedroom that weren't originally. The living room on the ground floor is full of makeshift beds for those having changing shifts and needing to crash a couple of hours before going to their actual jobs. Dumbledore figured it wasn't safe for people to apparate back and forth to their actual homes too often around this place. Then on this floor are the rooms for more-or-less permanent residents. The upper two are largely untouched, Sirius said that he wouldn't like for his or his brother's old bedrooms to be remodelled as there is still a bit of sentimental stuff.''
Regulus' bedroom was still there? Harry had thought that it would have been cleaned out after the man's death. Would there be anything left that would tell of the past he and Voldemort had shared?
''Harry?''
''Hmm? Oh, sorry, I was in thoughts. Doesn't really sound like the best summer. Hopefully it will get a bit more exciting. Are we expecting anyone else to join still?''
Ginny shook her head, casting a glance at Ron, whose face darkened slightly again. ''No. Hermione is extending her stay…. abroad.'' The words 'With Viktor Krum' were left hanging in the air. ''She wrote that we'll see her on the first day of Hogwarts unless we want to go shopping in Diagon alley together. We're not sure yet. We wanted to go one by one to not flood Diagon with a large group of people this year, but it might be safer to go together now. We can't predict what is going to happen.''
''What are all of your thoughts on Voldemort's return?'' Harry asked, ignoring the jumps and noises around the room. Even now he knew why people avoided saying the name, he wasn't going to suddenly call the man he'd grown closer to by a ridiculous nickname. The siblings all looked at each other, until Ron hesitantly took the word.
''I'm not sure what you mean Harry. It looks like it was pretty unavoidable and there isn't much we can do. He's an evil bastard who murdered a lot of people and should be stopped, what's more to it?''
Harry wanted to continue prying, go on about the political scene, give insight thoughts on the Ministry, then realised that it would fall on deaf ears. All of the Weasley were too distanced to any of it. Harry had grown to care, to really think about the future of their kind ever since meeting Voldemort. Part of it was to escape his past, part tried to shape the new world he was met with in a way that he saw as ideal. All of his friends here had grown up in this world, accepted it for what it was. To them, there was nothing more to it than trying to stop the ones who tried to make changes through radical ways. Maybe Hermione would have understood his question, she loved discussions both real and hypothetical about all sorts of topics, especially when it came to social awareness.
Two knocks made him look up towards the door. Harry got up to open it, faced with a clearly concerned Sirius. All of the usual humour was gone from his face. ''I'll borrow Harry for a bit,'' he told the others, then turned around and walked down the dark corridor. Harry followed, nervous anticipation in his stomach as he was being led to the drawing room.
''I thought you hated it in here,'' he commented, eyes trailing over the tapestry with numerous burn marks across. He noticed that the black spots increased down the lines.
''I do. Thus, it'll be the last place anyone will go to since this room does not hold anything else. I don't want our conversation to be cut short by people walking in. Plus, it has some of the strongest wards in this house to protect this monstrosity,'' Sirius answered, pointing one of his thumbs at the wall. ''The perfect place to hold conversations about less-than-savoury topics.''
Harry frowned at the words while his godfather put up additional layers of secrecy wards. ''Unsavoury? You make it sound as if my actions are something to be ashamed of. You know my opinion on our current society and what should be done against it. I stand by that.''
Sirius let himself fall in an armchair and sighed, looking incredibly tired. ''Last time we spoke, you told me you'd join Voldemort if he'd return. Today I find out he's been back for a year… that talk was even a lot less hypothetical than I assumed then. You were clever with your wording. When the news reached the Order this morning, I was mad at first. Had you been found sooner, I might have blown up at you. As it is, I had a few hours to calm down and think. Yes, I am capable of that,'' he said with a wolfish grin.
''So, what was your conclusion?'' Harry asked, rather tense. Tense enough to keep standing, ready to either bolt or fight.
Sirius shrugged ''You did the best you could have done. It doesn't matter what his goals are, Voldemort is a Dark Lord, and Lords aren't known for letting traitors live. Had you revealed his return to me, I'm sure we'd both be dead now. You were smarter than my little brother, that's something. A lot of people in the Order… they talk of dying for a good cause. Dying for what they believe in. I do admire when others go down in a fight, but living another day to do more good is worth a damn lot. Getting yourself killed unnecessarily wouldn't have brought anything, so I understand why you didn't tell me everything. What I said before was the truth, I am so incredibly happy to see you alive and well, you can't imagine.'' The man turned his head away the instant his voice broke.
''Sirius…'' He was standing there like a fool, unsure of what to do or if he was allowed to go closer. In the end, Harry acted on his instincts in the hope of giving the both of them comfort. He stepped forward and knelt in front of Sirius' chair, taking his godfather's hand in his. ''I asked him,'' Harry said, desperately grabbing for any topic that could break the tension. ''If he's ever used the word 'cool'. He refused to answer my question, I think that says enough.''
A weak chuckle turned into peals of laughter, which Harry joined soon after, glad to see tears of mirth in Sirius' eyes now. ''You didn't!''
''Sure did, hope that is proof enough that I still belong in the house of the brave and reckless.''
''That's my kiddo.'' The fondness was unmistakable. Then, he whispered: ''That's James' kiddo.'' Harry was pretty sure that he wasn't supposed to have heard that. Concerned, he looked up, noticing the way his godfather's eyes turned hazy, seeing things only he could now.
''Hey, stay with me,'' he said, squeezing the weathered hand.
''James?'' Sirius shook his head. ''Harry. Sorry.'' He rubbed his face. ''Come, sit down too, it can't be comfortable to crouch on the floor like that. I have a lot of questions, ones you can finally answer now the Kneazle is out of the bag.''
The teen looked around and took one of the other armchairs that had stood by the window, dragging it over. ''Can I ask first… why are you so welcoming? I know what you think of Voldemort and that you fight him. Even if you want to give me my freedom and let me make my own choices, why allow me to stay here at the Order? You even let me ask questions before. I'm grateful, of course. I just… don't fully understand.''
The other leaned back, letting out a groan. ''You sure know how to start a conversation. It's difficult to fully explain…''
''Try?'' he begged.
''Fine… fine. If I go off on a tangent, bear with me. I'm not even sure if I should start at the beginning or the end…'' he got up from his chair, paced up and down a few times, then went towards the tapestry, putting his finger on one of the burns. ''James was my best friend in the entire world. The only one I could tell all of my secrets to, more even than Remus or Peter. We met on the train, just like you and Ron did, though it wasn't sweets or bullies that formed the foundation of our friendship. In true James fashion, he wanted to make himself known by the whole school before even setting foot in the castle. Later, he told me that he'd prepared all summer for a grand piece of work. At the time, I only saw the result: he executed a transfiguration spell that was at least third-year-level, the very first day he was allowed to cast magic, turning the hair of every single student a different colour. A harmless prank that caused an uproar throughout the train, every younger student unable to undo it by themselves and even several older students who weren't very apt in transfiguration having to ask their friends to turn it back. It of course made a lot of people turn against the prankster in question as they were annoyed about something like that happening a mere fifteen minutes before arriving at Hogwarts. I, who had just escaped this dingy house and my strict parents, loved it. The chaos, the drama, the magic that was used for nothing else than fun… I saw James running through the corridor, laughing his ass off to get away from a chasing mob, grabbed him and dragged him into a compartment that I locked instantly. In short, I congratulated James on the stunt and promised I'd wear my blue hair with pride to the Sorting. Without even knowing my name, he declared that if I kept my vow, I'd be his best friend for life. So I did.''
Harry wasn't entirely sure where Sirius was going with this, so he kept silent, in part also to hear more details about his father. ''We shared everything from that moment. Inside class or out we became inseparable, building up a legacy from day one. Remus and Peter soon followed, but it was never quite the same with them. All of my woes, the problems I had with my family, the way I was torn between wanting to learn dark magic and wanting to leave it all behind me, I only shared with him. During our fourth year, we did a ritual to become bloodbrothers, one of the ultimate ways to confirm a friendship like we had. When he started dating Lily, I was the one having to put up with every single one of his little concerns,'' he laughed. ''And after school it wasn't different. I want you to understand just how much James meant to me Harry. For when he got a child, I was there. I'm still astonished that Lily allowed it, but I was there in the house while she delivered. After your parents and the mediwitch, I was the first to see you, to hold you. They'd already asked before if I wanted to be your godfather, and when James opened that door and handed you to me, he told me with pride: 'Here's your son'.'' Sirius exhaled slowly, his head resting against the tapestry now, voice raw with emotion.
''That first year of your life was bliss for me. I'd found family in James, and while it was purely platonic, Lily accepted that I was there practically every day. That fateful night where they both passed, I was torn with rage and grief. I had tried to help raise you, but the second your actual parents were gone, I screwed up badly. My plan was to get back on Peter while Hagrid took you to safety, then take you back. It would turn out to be the most stupid decision I had ever made, as you know. In the confusion that ensued after Voldemort's death, it didn't matter that I was an Auror or that I didn't bear a Mark. The 'evidence' they found of the apparent murder of Peter and those thirteen Muggles was enough to get me behind bars. I… I failed you. And I failed James.'' He turned around to Harry with a tortured expression. ''When you told me last time that I would have made for a good dad, I did not know how to reply, for I knew that I didn't deserve that title. Fourteen years ago, I should have made you a priority, Harry, over my own belief of right and wrong, over vengeance. And right now, I'm having a damn hard time not to do the same thing all over again.''
Sirius stepped closer and gripped Harry's shoulders tightly, staring directly in his eyes. ''I don't know what to think, what to do! I want to get revenge for James and Lily by fighting against Voldemort. But if you are standing next to him, what if a spell hits you instead? What if in trying to do them justice, I endanger you?'' he turned away, pacing again as Harry watched on in silence. ''The worst thing is,'' his godfather whispered. ''That I know very well how this can turn out. When my own parents didn't like the side I chose, I ran. They disowned me and I never saw them again, for I ran to people who did accept me for who I wanted to be, called them my family instead. I don't want to be the same kind of parent to you that my own parents were to me. I don't want you to feel as if you should find a new family when I am right here.'' He made a wild, hopeless gesture. ''I don't want to lose you and at the same time can't betray my own friends, Remus especially. I want to protect everyone I care for, knowing that I can't is... is…''
''Torture?'' Harry asked, understanding very well how Sirius felt. ''You think I don't know that? Every single day I help Voldemort, I think I'm doing the right thing, yet at the same time am terrified on whether it could have negative consequences for the people I care most about. You, Hermione, the entire Weasley family. I can only hope and ensure that personally, I don't do anything harmful.''
Once more, he was enveloped in a hug, Sirius' trembling arms far stronger than they looked, almost pressing the air out of his lungs. ''I want to trust you,'' the man said. ''More than anything. I don't know if I can, and I blame myself every day for that. I can only promise you that I'll try, and you are welcome in my home no matter what.''
''I trust you,'' Harry spoke, voice muffled against the man's chest, ''If I didn't, I would never have told you any of it. I'm sorry if I cannot always tell you everything, please know that I want to.''
They stood in silence for a long time, neither willing to let go. Figuring that he wouldn't get an answer and trying to hide his disappointment over that, it was Harry who broke the embrace. ''Mrs Weasley will have my head if I stay up too long in the night,'' he said, smile strained. ''I don't think she cares about who is whose responsibility while she's around anyone younger than twenty. If you have any questions, you should ask them now. If it eases your mind any, I'm not a Death Eater and honestly doubt that he'll ever mark me.''
Sirius moved back to a chair, refusing to meet his eyes. ''You sound rather sure of that. Why?''
Harry tapped against his forehead. ''I can't tell you many details, but as you know, the Marks are there to form a sort of connection so he can call his people. I have already had a similar connection since I got this scar, so it's really not necessary.''
''If you were really able to ask about that whole 'cool' thing,'' Sirius mused. ''Which I still think is absolutely wicked by the way, you must have had quite a lot of contact with him.''
''I wasn't really in France until now,'' Harry admitted. ''Nor was I last summer.''
''You were there,'' Sirius sighed. ''Of course. You were there when he returned. Let me guess, the one who caused his death in the first place needed to offer blood for a successful rebirth?''
''I don't know why I always keep forgetting that you have a solid foundation in dark magic,'' Harry smiled. ''Something about you screams 'light wizard', no matter how often you mention your past or how you dabbled in dark magic.''
''I worked hard for that image,'' the other said, something of a smile appearing again. ''My entire life. So, to get my main concern out of the way, did he force you to do anything you didn't want?''
Harry raised his eyebrows. ''What do you mean?'' he asked slowly, a fleeting memory crossing his mind of Voldemort dragging him to bed and his brief thought back then that he was about to get molested.
''He hasn't thrown some innocent Muggles at your feet and demanded you hurt them? Hasn't forced you to practise the Cruciatus curse on rabbits?'' The tone was forcibly kept light. It didn't work to conceal the very real strain. Harry pulled his head away again and looked at Sirius.
''Was that really what your parents made you do? I'm surprised that they didn't gather a following of bloodthirsty people. No, Voldemort didn't force me to perform magic I didn't want. Well, not after I joined him anyways, he kind of used me as a guinea pig for rituals at first because I tried to kill him.''
''You what?'' Sirius sat up straighter, and Harry gave a weak smile.
''Come on, did you think I just one day decided that his side was better? After I caught Wormtail, I went to hunt down the evil big dark Lord to get revenge for everything. I found him alone, ill and delusional in his half-alive state. I then kept postponing killing him, finding a new excuse each time while I got him back on his feet. Days became weeks, a Death eater joined us, I had a lot of conversations with the both of them, made a very ineffective desperate attempt to kill him and was punished a couple of times… It sure was a hell of a ride. In the end, I noticed that a lot of the things I heard about him weren't exactly true. He isn't the monster many make him out to be. I'm not saying he is good man,'' he stressed when Sirius opened his mouth and Harry knew what he was going to say. ''He started a war, killed a lot of people, grew mad at one point I'm sure. But he is trying. He is trying so hard for all our sakes Sirius, you have no idea. The Order thinks he was preparing for war? He spent months pouring over dusty books to set up a comprehensible legislative system. He's invested personally in my education, and I'm not only talking about dark magic. For fucks sake, in his spare time he reads Muggle fantasy books because he's interested in the concept of different moral views and he plays the violin because he wasn't allowed to play music as a kid. Voldemort is more complex of a person than anyone else I know, to reduce him to nothing more than someone who murders for fun is an unrealistic caricature of his personality.''
''That is… a lot to take in,'' Sirius whistled disbelievingly. ''Muggle fantasy books, really?''
''He has a particular fondness of Lord of the Rings. Look, I know you have a history with many dark witches and wizards. But especially you should know that they are people like anyone else, with good and bad sides.''
''Yes, and if the bad sides outweigh the good ones, they should still go to prison,'' his godfather commented, then made a frustrated noise. ''I have to give it to you that I don't personally know anything about Voldemort, having only seen him briefly in battles sometimes. You really think he doesn't murder for fun?''
Harry hesitated. ''It is… complicated. He was born with a mental condition that only let him feel basic emotions, and he learned the rest through books and by studying other people much later. After many negative experiences of people surrounding him, he also grew very resentful towards Muggles. I think that taking control back and making them afraid was one of the few ways in which he experienced anything positive back then. Throughout his life, that continued to grow and became more violent. He doesn't enjoy killing magicians, no… Muggles is a different story. Even then, I've seen evidence that he is fighting that… that hunger.'' Harry closed his eyes at the memory. The bloodthirst had been so overwhelming that it had been hard to even breathe. ''I have never seen him kill anyone without having a reason for it. But oftentimes, he creates a convenient reason that any normal person would be horrified at. It doesn't help that he has distanced himself so much from Muggles that he got it in his head that they are basically a separate species, little more than animals, if at all. He doesn't see them as people, I've had quite a few discussions about that with him.''
''You discussed the worth of Muggles with a Dark Lord,'' Sirius flatly asked.
''Yeah, he wasn't happy with my opinion. Still, that he lets me speak about it, that he listens to it, is already something, right?''
''So what about the war?''
Harry groaned and closed his eyes. He wanted so badly to tell Sirius that the Order was making a huge mistake. If they would attack, Voldemort was sure to retaliate, but they would be the ones starting the fight. The Dark Lord knew that more bloodshed wouldn't bring anything for his long-term plans, which was why he had hidden in the shadows for so long already. The only one gearing up to go to war was the Order. Was he allowed to tell Sirius any of that though?
''You're still in the Order,'' Harry sighed. ''And nothing you said today gives me the feeling that is likely to change. Sorry, but I also broke up in a bit of a panic today so I wouldn't be declared missing. I don't have any instructions on what I am allowed to say, so to be certain and not bring you in danger, it's best to avoid any talk about plans. What I can tell you is that the long-term goal really is a separate wizarding society, not the eradication of Muggles, Muggleborns and whatnot.''
''Even if he doesn't mind killing them. To the point of where he creates justifications for it.''
''Earlier today,'' Harry sighed. ''We stumbled across five Muggles. He wanted to kill them all as they'd seen us in full robes with wands, speaking Parseltongue and whatnot. I convinced him to let them go, which he appreciated afterwards. He can be cruel, and annoying, and totally self-centered, but he is also willing to change his mind and listen. I've come to know him Sirius. I never thought I'd ever say this, but he can be wonderful.'' Their long talks by the fireplace, the glint in those red eyes when speaking so passionately about a topic that interested him, the almost possessive grip as he'd declared his trust in Harry, the vulnerability that shone through in rare moments…
Sirius shook his head in dismissal. ''I'm sorry kiddo… I find it too hard to put that all into perspective with the image I have about that… that tyrant.'' He abruptly got up. ''If there is anything good about the entire situation we're in, it's that no matter what I think, I won't influence anything,'' the man spoke with a load of bitterness. ''As Snape loves to remind me , I am stuck in this house. Both my face and my Animagus form are too well-known by now to go outside. I'll keep silent on what I know for your sake. I ask you instead to not actively hinder the Order in our progress. Voldemort has fooled many good men and women, if he is starting a war, I doubt he'd tell you.''
Harry shook his head. ''Only shortly before, you told the others that I'm not a child. Don't try to be condescending now, I know very well when I am being manipulated or not.''
''You can't know that. Not with him, not without being a master in occlumency at the very least.''
There were so many things that Harry wished he could say to convince his godfather otherwise. He wished to speak of the miraculous resurrection of his parents, tell about all the little details he'd learned about Voldemort while at Riddle House and how Harry could calm the man down. Most of all, he wanted to divulge in the secret that he could see in the Dark Lord's head and feel his emotions, to show that it really was not as easy to be fooled as Sirius thought. In the end, it al was left unsaid. Sirius had made his choice long ago when running away from this very home. After his best friend was murdered by Voldemort, there would be no chance that he'd ever return to that side. What was good or bad to the world didn't even really matter. Sirius didn't follow Dumbledore because he thought it was the right things to do. He might tell himself that as an extra conviction, but Sirius was in the Order for two things only: sticking up a middle finger to Orion and Walburga Black, and dragging everyone who had ever wanted to hurt James Potter down to hell. Had Harry not been caught in the middle of it and landed on Voldemort's side, he doubted that Sirius would have ever even second-guessed his choices no matter what ideals were on the playing board on either side in the end.
Harry got up from his seat. It appeared that their conversation was nearing its end. ''So, we've not made any progress since Easter, have we?''
''I suppose not.''
He closed his eyes and nodded, feeling only empty fatigue. He understood Sirius' perspective and disagreed with it, Sirius understood his and disagreed equally. It was getting tiring to discuss these points: to be swept up by a whirlwind of emotions about trust and hurt, only to end up where they'd started. Harry's opinion had once more been dismissed because his godfather didn't believe the choices he'd made were completely his own. As if Sirius was not only here by circumstance and the opinions of others.
Sirius wasn't like his parents. He would never insult Harry or force him down a specific path. Nonetheless, his godfather seemed to forget that there was more than one way to estrange loved ones. Being brushed off hurt, but he wouldn't be Harry Potter if he'd give up so easily and leave it at that. His friendship with Ron and Hermione had survived many pointless rows and so would his relationship with his godfather overcome this hurdle. Harry drew his wand and twirled it around a few times, seemingly randomly changing the topic in hopes of catching the other off guard. ''Before, it was mentioned that even a Taboo curse would not be able to find us behind the wards and Fidelius charm on this house. How is that with the Trace?''
He was thrown a wary look. ''I think you know the answer to that, why?''
Harry pretended to act shocked. ''You meant to say that I could have countered all of your pranks in April with magic and you didn't tell me? Now that is true evil. The thing is, Voldemort asked me once which magic I wished to learn. Ever since, I have been thinking about what I would really like to be able to do. What keeps shooting through my mind is becoming an Animagus. I know you and dad managed it in your fifth year already and… well, I am going to be in my fifth year too now. I was hoping…'' he trailed off, trying to judge Sirius' reaction. It was getting harder to see in the room, only a few candles still giving off light. It must be past midnight by now. Only when the man came closer again, Harry could see the cloudiness in those silver eyes.
''Becoming an Animagus? That's brilliant James! Brilliant… we could help Remus with that so much, imagine! Let's start right away!''
Next up: Voldemort invades some more dreams, and Harry goes exploring Grimmauld place ;)
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xx GeMerope