Liv sat on the couch snuggling her precious boy while he played video games. She missed him while he was gone. She pressed a kiss into that head of bouncy curls.
"Mom," Noah pulled away a little bit. His face showing disgust in true 11 year old fashion.
"Sorry," she smiled as he snuggled back in, completely contradicting his previous embarrassment. "I just missed you a lot."
"Missed you too mom. Connor's house is awesome, but I just wanted to come home the whole time."
Liv held back some tears. She really needed to hear that after his 'real family' comment a while back.
Suddenly her phone started buzzing. Rollins. She answered it with her free arm, keeping the other one resting on Noah.
"Benson." Liv answered.
"God Liv, it's just me. You can answer your phone like a normal person.
Olivia shrugged. "Habit."
"I get it," Amanda admitted. She continued, "hey listen, what are you doing today? If you tell me you're working I will be dropping the phone so I can yank you from your office."
Olivia chuckled slightly, "No, I decided to take a personal day with Noah."
"Oh good," Amanda sighed in relief. "In that case can you do lunch?"
Olivia didn't know if she could leave the apartment today. Plus she knew Amanda would know something had happened with Elliot and Liv wasn't really ready to go into all of THAT.
Amanda seemed to sense her hesitation. "I can come to you. I'll grab lunch on my way. I have been grading papers for hours and I might need to gouge my eyes out if I read another."
Olivia laughed softly. "Sure then."
"Thanks Liv. I really need this.
Olivia waved her off. "It's no problem." Hopefully. Liv thought.
"I can be there in about a 30 minutes."
"That works," Olivia said, "see you in a bit." She hung up the phone. "Hey Noah, Aunt Amanda is coming over with lunch. Can you tidy up in here while I get the kitchen cleaned a little?" Honestly she wasn't sure what state it was in. She has been living in survival mode for a couple weeks.
"Yeah mom." Noah answered. He powered down his electronics and added, "But you don't need to clean the kitchen. Elliot did that before he left this morning."
Seriously? She thought. Sure enough, the kitchen was spotless. It was probably cleaner than it's ever been since she moved in to this apartment.
It was no secret Elliot was the more organized partner. In fact, there were many jokes made about it while they worked together. She shook her head and let out a soft chuckle. There was probably some laundry begging to be done.
- Olivia heard a knock at the door and knew it was Rollins. Out of habit she checked the peephole before opening. She unlocked the deadbolt to see Amanda holding two full bags of food from the burger place down the street.
"Come in. Let me help you with this." Liv reached for one of the bags while Amanda pushed passed her on her way to the kitchen.
"I got it," Amanda called on her way to the kitchen.
Liv followed her to the spotless kitchen. "Woah." Amanda looked around the kitchen. "Did you get a maid or something?"
Olivia wasn't sure how to answer that. Amanda was pulling containers of French fries and hamburgers. Liv waited so long that Noah bounced in and answered for her. "Elliot cleaned it this morning." He grabbed a French fry from the pile of food. "Aunt Amanda did you get me chicken?"
"Of course I did! Aunt Amanda knows what you like." She handed him a box with chicken strips in it. "I grabbed a couple different sauces. Take whichever you want."
Noah took the bag with all the sauces to the table. Once he settled Amanda glanced over at Liv. "So?" Amanda popped a French fry in her mouth. "Elliot cleaned the kitchen this morning?" She emphasized the morning part of that statement. She tried to hold back a grin. "I take it his drive home with Noah went well."
Olivia's cheeks flushed slightly. "God Amanda, it wasn't anything like what you are thinking."
Amanda bit into another French fry. Her eyes were laced with curiosity and a hint of teasing. "You don't know what Im thinking," she laughed.
"Uh I think I do," Olivia said with an accompanying eye roll.
"Okay, you are probably right." Amanda smiled slyly. "If THAT didn't happen, what was Elliot doing here this morning?"
Liv hesitated. It was impossibly hard to explain exactly what happened last night. Plus, she was pretty groggy through most of it.
"If you don't answer, Im just going to ask Noah." Amanda tilted her head towards Noah at the table only feet away.
"Please don't," Olivia pleaded, "Im not sure what version of events will come out of his mouth."
Amanda laughed. Liv could tell she was enjoying this. Probably a little too much.
Liv glanced over Amanda's head to Noah. He had his headphones in, watching a science video on his phone. It was on his missed homework list for school.
"Okay fine." Olivia conceded. "Elliot decided it was a good time to tell me that he "cares for me" and I couldn't find the damn sugar."
Amanda wasn't sure what the relevance of the sugar was, but she was speechless nonetheless. After she picked her jaw off the floor, she prodded, "and?"
"Well," Liv sighed, she still wasn't sure how she felt about the next part. "Uh." She was clearly uncomfortable. "I..I mean...We almost kissed."
Amanda's eyes widened. She was obviously gobsmacked and stuttered through the next series of questions, "Wait. How, no why now, I mean, Where was Noah? Oh I need details woman."
"Noah was in bed for the night. He asked where I kept my sugar. I was digging through my cabinets for that damn sugar," Liv shook her head, "and of course he needed to ask me why I didn't call him."
Amanda put her head in her hands, giving Liv her full attention. "Well, I mean that's kind of a fair question. What did you tell him?"
"I told him I knew he would try to protect me." Liv started nervously shredding the paper from her straw. "He asked what was wrong with him protecting me."
"Yeah, another fair question."
"I couldn't answer him. Like what was I supposed to say Amanda? What? Well I can't have you protecting me because I can't rely on you, just to have you disappear, or if you got killed while trying to protect me," she gulped, 'I wouldn't be able to get over it."
"Well yeah, you could have said either of those." Amanda smirked.
"Well I didn't. I just kept looking through the cabinets like a damn idiot."
"Okay, so you are still digging through cabinets. What happened next?"
"I still couldn't turn around because I wasn't sure what I would say. Then he blurts out that he cares for me."
"He cares for you." Amanda repeated.
"Yeah."
"Daaamnn."
"Yeah. I clearly didn't know what to say so I kept looking for the stupid sugar." Amanda started to see the relevance of the sugar. "Then he asked me to look at him, and Amanda, I couldn't look at him. I was afraid I was going to burst into tears or do something even more stupid than that."
Amanda puts another French fry in her mouth, clearly listening intently.
"I finally found the damn sugar. I turned to give it to him and he was right there." Olivia motioned to show her the scant distance. "I mean he was so close to me." Olivia closed her eyes at the memory.
"Damn it Liv! Get to the good part!"
"I don't know. I guess I leaned into him and he leaned in too. I don't know. He said my name and that kind of snapped me back into reality."
"You got scared, " Amanda offered.
Liv scowled knowing it was true. "I told him that I wanted to, but I couldn't." Liv shook her head, "I told him I wasn't ready."
Amanda nodded. "How did he respond to that?"
"Um I mean, he gave me some space for a minute, but he hugged me and told me it was okay and he didn't want to rush me and he would wait for me." Olivia felt warm at the intimacy of that memory. "Uh, and he basically held me in the kitchen and let me cry my brains out."
"This is big Liv!"
"I know," Liv admitted.
"Im confused though. How did he end up here in the morning?" Amanda smirked again. Olivia rolled her eyes.
"Nothing happened. I want to make that very very clear, okay?"
Amanda waved her hands indicating she wanted Liv to continue the story. "Got it got it. Go on."
"I told him I was tired and he said he would leave so I could sleep. He made it out the door, but I panicked a little and texted him to come back." Olivia sighed, "I am probably giving him so many mixed signals."
"Yeah probably," Amanda agreed while throwing another French fry in her mouth.
"I couldn't be alone last night, and he was close you know? " Amanda nodded. Liv continued, "I got him set up on the couch..."
"That couch?" Amanda gestured towards the living room, "Can he even fit on that?"
"Shush. Yes he can fit." Amanda was looking at her with bated breath. Liv knew she was dying to hear the rest.
Liv's eyes dropped to the counter, staring at her hands. "You know how I sometimes get those PTSD flashbacks. The ones with, well, you know."
Amanda nodded, appreciating the now serious tone in the conversation. She knew exactly who she was talking about.
"Anyway, I had one last night. Im sure all this with BX9 is triggering me more than normal."
"Thats understandable Liv!"
"I know, I know." Liv was picking absently at her cuticles. "He heard me," she hesitated, "um crying. And you know, asking for him."
"This isn't something to be embarrassed about Liv," Amanda's eyes met Liv's. "You aren't a weaker person because you have these flashbacks."
"I know. I just would have rather it not happen while he was sleeping on my couch." Amanda wanted to point out that he was EXACTLY the person she needed to have on her couch at that moment, but she held her tongue and allowed Olivia to continue.
"He came into my room. I was scared you know?" Amanda nodded in understanding. "He woke me up, but I uh," She twirled her hair absently. "I made him hold me until I fell asleep."
Amanda was taking a sip of her soda and tried not to spit it out in surprise. "I have so many questions."
"I figured you would, but I'm too tired to go into all of this right now. Honestly, I don't even know how I feel about half of it."
"I get it." Amanda said, acknowledging the toll the week has taken on her.
Olivia rushed her way through the rest. "He stayed in my bed all night. Nothing happened. I just needed someone there. He made sure he was out of my room before Noah woke up. He must have cleaned the kitchen while I showered."
"Thats a lot Liv."
"It was a lot. Heavy." Olivia decided it was time to change the subject. "How are the girls? Carisi? Any new little Carisis in the making." Liv couldn't help but take the opportunity to tease her and make her uncomfortable.
"Ugh. No. The girls keep us busy enough. Im open to it one day maybe, but I think my family has had enough changes in the past few months."
Olivia smiled. She was happy for Amanda. Now if only she could grasp the happiness dangling right in front of her.