Paint and Powder

A Star Trek anthology by Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Star Trek: The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager et al are the property of CBS Television, and creation of Gene Roddenberry. Please support the official release.

Set right after "Generations"

Interrupting other crewmember's holodeck time was usually not Troi's way, but in this case she'd felt she'd had enough cause. Ever since the Enterprise had crashed, and been reborn in the form of her E variant, she'd been very quiet. Reclusive. Oh, she had still done her duty and was adapting well to the new form. Far faster than expected, actually.

But Enterprise had been spending far less time with her crew in a social sense, and more on her own. A severe change from the usually very gregarious and social vessel.

Troi stepped into the holodeck proper, and breathed deeply of the scents and sounds of a large, floral-sheltered courtyard in the midst of several elegant buildings. From the paraphernalia and decor, she would guess it was around the 1960s, Earth, America. The scent of creole food carried through the air, as waiters went to and fro from a restaurant inside. Cigarette smoke wafted through the air, the hum of a dozen muted conversations following from dozens of men and women at little tables facing a stage. She could see patches of the clear night sky and bright stars through the woven branches overhead. The brightest sources of light were from some overhead lamps, illuminating the full band on the stage. A mixture of white and black musicians were working through a blues song, the pianist leading as he soulfully crooned into his microphone.

"Unchain my heart, baby let me go
Unchain my heart, 'cause you don't love me no more
Ev'ry time I call you on the phone
Some fella tells me that you're not at home so
Unchain my heart, oh please, please set me free..."

Enterprise stood out easily in this crowd, sitting at an outdoor bar alone. Her white hair shone as always, but the avatar was ramrod straight on her stool with a drink in her hand. She stared into the liquor glass, as though it might contain answers to an infinity of questions. Tactfully, Deanna walked up to Enterprise's right side and cleared her throat. The avatar didn't even look her way.

"Mind if I join you?" Deanna asked. Enterprise shrugged.

"No, I don't," she replied. Deanna sat on the stool next to Enterprise.

"What'll you have?" The bartender asked. Deanna hummed.

"Whatever she's having," she decided. The bartender nodded.

"One Warpcore Breach, coming up," he said. Deanna looked over at the avatar, eyebrows raised. Enterprise snorted.

"It's just a name," she said, tipping the drink back and downing it. She set it back down on the bar, still staring straight ahead. Her foot tapped along to the music.

"I suppose," Deanna said. She stared at the ship avatar intensely. Enterprise looked back at her reflection, and resumed drinking. Deanna frowned.

"Does that even do anything for you?" Troi asked.

"I can adjust my perception and personal sensors in my avatar to simulate inebriation," Enterprise explained.

Deanna nodded.

"That's interesting," she said, "as is this place. Tell me about it?"

"It's called The Court of the Two Sisters. A bar in New Orleans, the French Quarter," Enterprise explained. She closed her eyes as the band began a new song, and swayed slightly in time to the music. Deanna nodded her approval.

"I didn't figure you for a jazz fan," she said. Enterprise shrugged.

"More blues, really," she explained. She downed yet another drink, still staring away from Deanna, "swing sometimes. Rock too. Lots of things. Right now... I feel like the blues."

She sipped her drink before she continued.

"I've heard it's kind of like a salve for a wounded soul," she said, "in how it feels."

Deanna winced.

"I'm... Sorry about crashing you-"

"It's fine," Enterprise sighed, "it's... It's my fault." She accepted another drink from the bartender, while Deanna got her first. Enterprise downed this cocktail as well, as Deanna began to sip hers.

"It's not your fault," Deanna said gently, licking her lips at the taste, "they got in a lucky hit-"

"That I should have countered," Enterprise replied. "That I should have compensated for." She kept staring intensely into the glass windows behind the bar, her purple eyes almost burning in their intensity.

"We still won," Deanna pointed out, "that's the main thing to remember. Beating yourself up over it won't help."

"I'm not beating myself up over it," Enterprise said, a little too quickly. "Besides, I don't want to talk about it. I don't need to talk about it. If I'm experiencing a problem, that's a job for an engineer. Not a counselor-"

"Baloney," Troi shot back, and Enterprise looked at her sharply. "You didn't have to let me in. You didn't have to let me sit next to you."

Enterprise finally turned to stare at Deanna, in silence, as the music continued to wash over them like a gentle ocean wave.

"Please Enterprise," Deanna said, more gently this time, "tell me what's wrong."

Enterprise looked away again, now looking far more uncertain and... Lost than Troi had ever seen her. Even in the midst of her power being knocked out by the quantum filament, even during the Borg fight, Enterprise had stood tall and confident. Like a goddess of victory. Troi couldn't read her, which was one reason the avatar had been so enigmatic since she'd met her.

Yet here, now, the Enterprise looked so... Tired.

"... He came back," she said.

"Who?" Deanna asked.

Enterprise gulped down her drink, and sighed heavily as she stared into the empty glass.

"Kirk," she whispered.

As if on cue, the band started up a new song with a beautiful, redheaded female singer. She launched into it, crooning her soulful misery into the air.

"Don't know why
There's no sun up in the sky~
Stormy weather
Since my man and I ain't together
Keeps rainin' all the time..."

Enterprise began singing along softly, still staring into her own reflection.

"Life is bare
Gloom and misery everywhere
Stormy weather
Just can't get my poor self together
I'm weary all the time, the time
So weary all the time~..."

Enterprise trailed off, letting the singer go on.

"Kirk?" Troi asked softly. She's heard from Captain Picard himself of course, but to see Enterprise like this...

"He came back and... He didn't even see me. He didn't even call me. He didn't..." Enterprise closed her eyes, "he died. Again. I lost him again... And I couldn't do anything for him."

"When he went away, the blues walked in and met me
If he stays away, old rocking chair will get me
All I do is pray the Lord above will let me
Walk in the sun once more..."

"I've been lucky to have had so many wonderful captains," Enterprise admitted, "but Kirk... He was... When he needed me most..." Tears bunched up at the corners of her eyes as she stared into nothing. Trying her best not to look at Troi, or at anything. Even now, still trying to be strong.

"Can't go on
All I have in life is gone
Stormy weather
Since my man and I ain't together
Keeps rainin' all the time
Keeps rainin' all the time..."

Troi reached out and took Enterprise's hand. The avatar didn't even glance back, still as a statue.

"It's all right," Troi said gently, "let it go."

Tears just poured down Enterprise's cheeks, as she finally broke down. Between her sobs and gasps, she tried to sing the lyrics... Tried to resume the song... But she gave up and just began to cry her heart out.

Troi stayed at her side, holding her hand and letting her express her grief and sorrow, never wavering.

Later, Enterprise would be able to talk. Later, they could work on this, and help the avatar comes to terms with what a few selfish, terrible beings had done.

For now though, Deanna let the Enterprise be the one thing a starship could never afford to be... But needed to be, from time to time:

Vulnerable.