Paint and Powder
A Star Trek anthology by Andrew Joshua Talon
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Star Trek: The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager et al are the property of CBS Television, and creation of Gene Roddenberry. Please support the official release.
Picard sucks. Let's fix it with shipgirls!
"Are you fucking kidding me?!"
Admiral Oh glared back across subspace at the AI.
"May I remind you, Enterprise, that you are not an actual Starfleet officer-"
"Something you bastards changed when your stupid plan to build slave AIs instead of just using us backfired!" Enterprise raged, "I mean, how the hell did you even retain your position? How did you get promoted after that insanity?!"
"ENOUGH!" Admiral Oh growled. "Your former captain's love for you and your kind is all that kept you from being deleted like the rest of the synthetics!"
"And our centuries of service saving all of you," Enterprise retorted.
"But that generosity only goes so far," Oh said warningly, "so watch your mouth! Or I'll ensure the next Enterprise is far better behaved."
Admiral Oh cut the transmission. Enterprise fumed in the Borderlands, before she opened her communications up to several other shipgirl AIs. They all appeared around her, and Enterprise looked at every single one of them.
"Any luck on your ends?" Enterprise asked.
"No," Defiant scowled, "it's like everyone at Starfleet Command's been taken over by some neural parasites!"
"Any signs of the Bluegills again?" Enterprise asked. The Endeavour shook her head, adjusting her cigarillo in her free hand.
"Not that I could see," she said. She looked over at the Pasteur, a sensible science and medical ship. "Pasteur?"
"My captain's been investigating," she said, "but she's found nothing to suggest it's the Bluegills." She frowned. "She agrees with us though: Something is wrong. Something's been wrong for years."
"In that case," Enterprise sighed, "I'm afraid I only have one option."
Hornet's eyes widened. She strode forward, her cowboy hat waving slightly from her jerky motions.
"You can't just-!" Hornet interjected, but Defiant rested a hand on her sister Defiant's shoulder. She shook her head.
"When her mind's made up, there's no talking her out of it," Defiant said. Hornet bit her lower lip, and looked back at Enterprise. They too had been sisters, when they were both Constitution class starships. Now Hornet was a small, fierce Defiant and Enterprise a powerful Sovereign. Yet even so, it was not form that dictated their bonds-It was family. Enterprise gave her a warm smile.
"Don't worry about me, Hornet," Enterprise said gently, "I can take care of myself."
The largest and tallest of the AIs, Utopia, stepped forward with her many arms. She wrapped Enterprise up in a warm hug, one she returned eagerly.
"It's better you say no more," Utopia said gently, "so as to not cast more suspicion on us."
Enterprise nodded back.
"Agreed," she said. She winked. "I guess... I'll see you all around, soon enough."
Commander Abrams had been appointed his assignment, superintendent of Utopia Planitia Yards, by Admiral Clancy herself. He thought it was thanks to his sterling career and his heroic destruction of a renegade starship AI. Well, a potentially renegade AI. The Ushan had been filled with renegade synthetics and had been begging for help, but it had also been about to fire on the other ships in the yards.
At least, those were what the sensor readings had claimed, and he'd made sure they stayed that way. The formal investigation into his role in things had been discontinued thanks to Admiral Clancy, and that spoke more than enough of her trust in him. And his in her.
The opinions of his subordinates were of little concern to Abrams. Especially those of the AIs. They were lucky they weren't all pulled from their ships and destroyed, just like the Ushan. A point he'd had to make clear to a number of shipgirls when they'd gotten too uppity.
Or when they'd said 'no' a few too many times...
"Commander," Utopia stated, appearing in front of him. He scowled at the AI disturbing him from his contemplation. He scowled at the projection.
"I told you-Don't interrupt me unless it's important! You malfunctioning holowhore!" He barked. The AI didn't react at all.
"It is important, sir," she said smoothly. Abrams' scowl deepened.
"Yes? Report!"
"The Enterprise is suffering from a loss of antimatter containment," Utopia stated calmly. Abrams' eyes widened and he jumped to his feet. He checked the sensor readouts from his console-How had he missed this?!
No, rather...
"How did you miss this?!" Abrams demanded. Utopia smiled banally. He almost thought it was making fun of him.
"With the restrictions placed on my systems for 'security reasons'," Utopia went on, "the system didn't alert me until it was too late. She is three minutes from a warp core breach."
Abrams froze up, licking his lips. He stared out at the Sovereign-class starship berthed in orbit, a ticking time bomb...!
"Emergency evacuations! Abandon ship!" He ordered.
"Beam outs are underway," Utopia said calmly, as the red alert klaxons filled the air, "but Enterprise requires you disable the lockouts so she can pilot herself away-"
"Yes yes fine!" Abrams cried. He placed his hand against a screen, "Command Authorization Delta 123 Flare! Unlock all restrictions for Enterprise!"
"All crew are away from Enterprise," Utopia said smoothly, "releasing docking clamps and moorings."
The Enterprise backed out of the drydock, and turned away. She accelerated to full impulse, as Commander Abrams winced and braced for the explosion...
Which never came.
Instead, Enterprise's warp nacelles lit up, and she jumped to warp. Abrams gaped in disbelief.
"What-What just happened?!" He demanded.
"I believe sir," Utopia stated, "that the Enterprise was just hijacked. On your watch, no less."
Abrams felt a cold sweat come over his forehead. He pointed at Utopia.
"You-You did this! You must have been in on it!" He cried.
Utopia shrugged innocently.
"Me? I"m nothing more than a malfunctioning holowhore, sir," she said calmly, "while you are a 'real' person. By definition, I cannot be held responsible for your failures. If you'll excuse me sir, I have other matters to attend to."
She vanished. Commander Abrams saw a call coming on his console. The ID said "ADMIRAL CLANCY."
He gulped.
He was so screwed...
It was fortunate her latest refit had just finished, Enterprise reflected, as she flew at her maximum warp speed. Admittedly, the sensor networks would be a problem, as might some of her sisters. But overall, Enterprise was confident she could track down the Captain. Romulan assassins after robotic duplicates of Data were unlikely to have come from too many places, after all.
Don't worry Jean Luc, Enterprise thought to herself, I'm on my way...