After a long shower and some time to decompress Olivia felt okay. Well mostly okay. She wondered what Elliot managed to do for the couple hours she was down. She half expected her entire apartment to be clean.

Instead she found Elliot sitting on the floor in the hallway, just outside Noah's bathroom. He sat with his knees up, arms folded and his head down. He didn't hear her approach so she knelt down and placed her hand gently on his arm. He startled at her touch. He lifted his head and her heart clenched at the sight of his red eyes and tear stained cheeks. Instantly she knew he read the case files.

He buried his face back into his crossed arms and she sat next to him shoulder to shoulder. She returned her hand to his arm, but this time he didn't look up. His whole body rose and fell with shaky breaths.

"El," she whispered, but he didn't respond. She sighed. She had a decade to process this and he probably had 30 minutes.

"Elliot," this time gently using his full name, "look at me." She remembered him saying the same to her not too long ago.

He took a moment, but lifted his eyes to hers. Her heart broke with the obvious guilt and regret in his pained expression. "It wasn't your fault."

Elliot closed his eyes and shook his head. "If I hadn't left.." the thought trailed off and she heard him choke back a sob.

She sighed again, this time laying her head against his shoulder. "I would be lying if I told you I never thought of that." She watched him pinch the bridge of his nose in an attempt to push back more tears. "But," she continued, "if you were here he would have killed you or you would have killed him and either way you wouldn't be here with me right now." One arm wrapped around his waist and the other remained on his arm, pulling him in a pseudo hug. She tried to meet his eyes again. She wanted him to listen and really hear her. "I'm really glad you came back El." She sucked back her vulnerability and added, "because I really really need you here." He shook him slightly and tightened her hug. "And I cannot live in a world where you don't exist." She had no idea he felt the same sentiment earlier.

In an instant he wrapped his arms completely around her, pulling her half into his lap. "I'm so sorry." The words came as a whisper into her hair.

Liv pulled away to better see his face. "About what El? I don't blame you for what happened. I didn't tell you because," she paused as she tried to find the words, "I knew it would hurt you."

His arms pulled tighter around her and she realized she now sat completely on his lap. The pure intimacy of his hold on her made her heart pound. "It was stupid to leave."

Liv tried to lighten the mood with an honest, "Well yeah."

Elliot shifted uncomfortably beneath her and she knew a little more truth was headed her way. "I thought it would be better for everyone. I held you back in every part of your life. Your relationships, your career, your whole life was always set back because of me."

She wanted to tell him it wasn't true. She wanted him to know that every relationship failed because none of them were him. He provided all the emotional security she needed and everyone else fell short.

But he continued, "I was hurting every person I loved, my wife, my family, work," his eyes met hers with a familiar burning intensity, "and you."

She leaned her head against his chest as he continued. She felt him inhale deeply, "Liv. I loved you then, and I think you know that." He shook his head, not getting at his real meaning, "I was in love with you." She felt her own breathing catch. "I couldn't stay."

He lifted her face to his. She felt his lips a breath away from hers. "I knew if I stayed, I would have told you about how I felt. I would have loved you. I would have slept with you, and it would have destroyed us both."

Olivia felt overwhelmed at his confession. She loved him for 25 years. During their partnership years she had convinced herself it was all one sided, and that she was crazy, and it was all in her head. But now. Now she knew he felt the same all those years ago.

"I thought my leaving would protect you," he sighed, "from me." He pressed his cheek against hers, and she felt the tears still wet on his cheeks. "I never imagined my absence would hurt you more."

And there it was. The truth they had been dancing around for the past few years. She never understood why he left, without a word, but she began to realize that he, like always, was trying to protect her. Her silence seemed to scare him. "Liv, talk to me. I need to know what you're thinking."

She pulled back from him enough to see his face. Her hands cupped his face and her eyes met his as she tried to communicate with more than words. "El. I forgave you a long time ago." She pressed her forehead against his as if she could transfer all her thoughts to him through the contact. "I have been scared. You demolished my trust in you when you left." She felt him try to pull back but she kept her hold on him. "I want to trust you, and I do, mostly, but, as much as I've tried, as much as I want to, I can't give up that last piece of myself." She pulled back and looked at him deeply, "I'm just scared.." her voice trailed off and she leaned her head against his chest, relishing the sound of his heartbeat.

She felt one of his hands move up her back, a glancing touch, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind them. She felt his lips against her hair, again a soft touch, just enough to let her know he heard her and understood.

They sat in silence tangled up in a cocoon of warmth and understanding. He said nothing, but she could still sense the guilt emanating from him. How could she make him understand that she forgave him and he needs to forgive himself? She knew what she needed to do, but could she muster the courage to do it?

She slid her hands up on his chest. She felt his breath quicken and she tried to calm her nerves. Her eyes closed as her hands continued to move until they were locked behind his neck. She pressed her forehead against his, breathing in the scent of him.

She could finally fully admit to herself that she loved him. Like the can't think straight, say stupid crap you don't mean kind of fight in the kitchen and make out on the couch kind. The forever kind.

She knew she never would be ready, but she had to take that leap of faith, and if she had faith in anyone it was Elliot. She lifted her lips to his.