Chapter fifty-one – Secrets of the Mind
Saturday finally arrived after an exhausting week of mental turmoil. Harry didn't think he'd quite looked forward to a weekend so much since coming to Hogwarts. Not that he could really relax: the initial 'meeting' of their Defence club - name still in progress - would be today, and in the evening, he had another Occlumency lesson with Snape.
He was mostly dreading that since there was no telling what Snape had seen… it had been a massive relief that the Potion master hadn't known who or what the Horcrux was and apparently hadn't heard Harry's whisper. However… could he have seen that kiss, or had Harry interrupted just in time? That was the question that plagued him most, and he couldn't exactly walk up to Snape to casually ask.
The Horcrux had been surprisingly helpful after. Relentless, but helpful, forcing Harry to train Occlumency for every night after. This morning, it had deemed Harry's barriers sufficient enough to keep Snape out. Harry honestly didn't know why it was still willing to aid him and he was a bit too afraid of it leaving if he pointed it out. Thus, he gratefully accepted any help it gave. That is, as long as it wasn't giving snarky comments like right now.
''It's all your own fault,'' it said, a pitiless smirk on its face as it watched Harry eat. ''Yours and Weasley's.''
The 'fault' he referred to was the fact that on the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year, there was a raging snowstorm, so bad that the ceiling of the Great Hall was a fast-moving whirl of clouds, with magical snow pelting down on everyone too fast to disappear mid-air like usual. ''And how is it our fault?'' Harry muttered into his soup with a low voice. At least he could answer: he was sitting alone at lunch as Ron was having a strategy meeting with the rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team in the Common Room and Hermione had declared with happiness that she finally had a homework-free spot in which she could write Viktor a long letter.
''You used weather magic to create storms. The price for that is, if I'm correct, a few other storms at moments you did not summon them. And as you did such a bad job coming up with a working ritual for the lightning storm, I could only improvise it into a snowstorm. You might not have noticed much of it as you didn't go outside the next day, but it was the earliest snowstorm in many years. Hence, a larger chance for snowstorms for the penalty as well. You still have to revise the whole ritual for the next attempt. Do you already have a set date?''
''No,'' Harry grumbled. ''I've been busy with other things. The potion will only be done at the end of this month anyways, so still a couple of weeks to go. I have to concentrate more on this Defence thing.''
''You sound nervous.''
''I am. It's rare that people of all houses are together, it will be a task on its own to prevent the Slytherins butting heads with everyone else. Plus, Pucey still insisted on coming despite his fuck-up at the start of the year. I don't want a repetition of that in front of my friends. Can't exactly deny him either though, it is good to have another Headboy there in case things go awry, and he's one of the more tolerable Slytherins. Most are awful.''
''I would be hurt if I didn't know how much you liked me,'' it spoke, voice dropping down to a husky whisper. Harry felt his cheeks reddening and threw it a glare. Ever since Harry had had the moronic idea of kissing it, the Horcrux had obstinately teased Harry about his crush, despite knowing very well that it was reserved for a -technically- different person. Because feelings could just never be easy, right?
''Could you not,'' Harry moaned. ''Furthermore, I'm still not really sure what is expected of me. I've never taught people before and while I have a couple of ideas, I don't know if I can pull it off. There will be sixth and seventh-years there too, what do I do if they'll get completely bored because I can't actually teach them anything new?''
''You can and you will,'' it said firmly. ''Harry, there is a plethora of spells you know that are not taught at Hogwarts at all, or never practised nearly enough to actually be useful. Besides, this club should not only be about expanding your students' knowledge. Focus instead on practical use, which is being denied in Umbridge's lessons and also glossed over in many other courses. Get creative, challenge yourself and others. There is an entire branch of duelling with Herbology, did you know that? You can do so much with offensive and defensive magic if you only know how to use your brain.''
''Maybe you should do it then,'' Harry scoffed. ''You'd probably be much better at it.''
''Don't tempt me to take over your body, Harry. I might just take you up on it. Then you'd have a disaster at your hands when they don't like my methods of teaching and punishment. Or are you also planning on using the Cruciatus curse on those morons who need too much time for their spells?''
''I would laugh, but I can't say with certainty whether you're joking or not.''
''I'm not.''
''How did you ever get popular? Fine, I'll do it on my own.'' He quickly finished his food and, brushing the - thankfully warm and dry – magic snow off his shoulders, left the Great Hall in favour of searching out Cedric. The Hufflepuff had been great in setting up everything and would accompany various interested students from his House to the clearing they'd agreed to meet in. Harry found him quickly on the Map, although upon arriving he had to wait a bit awkwardly for Cedric to stop talking with a few friends that Harry didn't know.
''Hey, everything ready?'' he asked nervously.
''Absolutely. Hey, don't look so down, you'll be great!''
''How many people are we expecting again?''
The older teen gave a sympathetic smile and a pat on his shoulder. ''About forty, and a few more might join last-minute. I'm bringing my closest friends too. No worries, teachers have to deal with full classes daily, and you have help. I won't mind taking some students off your hands if you decide to divide everyone into groups. I'm sure I could convince Cho to do the same.'' He grimaced, then. ''I'm not certain how long we can stay exactly, Cho has been dying to get some time for us outside of the castle and I don't really want to deny her a date… Also, she is still a bit sour because Marietta can't come.''
''It's fine!'' Harry quickly threw in. ''I'm relieved that you're coming at all. You're right, I do have a lot of support. I just… Not sure how to express it well... I'm hoping that everyone will come for the right reasons, you know? A month ago, everyone stared at me like I was crazy and whenever I walked through the hallway, I could hear a trail of whispered gossip following me. It only died down a bit because people have different worries now with Umbridge, and because Dumbledore didn't make a big deal over his theories in front of students anymore. However, the amount of people who secretly think I'm nuts can't have dwindled that much.''
''It is not your job to prove them otherwise,'' Cedric sagely said. ''Be yourself. If that isn't enough, they won't be allowed to sign up for this club, okay? Remember that you have the final say in who can attend.''
It was that advice that enabled Harry to make it out of Hogwarts without feeling like he was walking to his doom. That, and the enthusiastic chattering of Ron and Hermione at his side about all the spells they would finally be able to practise. Ron was somehow convinced that after a few sessions of this defence club, everyone should be able to single-handedly kill a Basilisk. Harry's reminder that he would have died if it hadn't been for Fawkes fell on deaf ears. Or maybe Ron really didn't hear it, the raging snowstorm made it rather hard to properly understand every single word of exchanged conversations. Harry was glad that at least this meeting wouldn't be cancelled. No weather could stop the stream of excited students from their trip to the beloved village, especially not those with a sweet tooth or those on dates.
Not too long after leaving the castle grounds, they swerved off the path at a marked tree: pieces of fabric hung from its branches. It was difficult to see in the wind and snow, but the Horcrux had given him an accurate description before of where to find it exactly, and he'd told everyone else who would be guiding people here. He touched one of the strips, a strange feeling in his stomach when he thought of how it had been Voldemort to put these here, so many years ago, to indicate the meeting place for his growing following at Hogwarts. The three of them trudged through the underbrush to reach the clearing, muscles aching as they waded through knee-deep snow. Would the snow have stopped falling by now, Harry was sure he'd have appreciated the glistening layer. As is was, he couldn't wait to find some form of shelter.
''Do you guys know any spells against this?'' Harry yelled to the others, indicating to the ever-growing white blanket that stretched out in front of them. ''Not going to be very comfy if people have to huddle together in thick snow.''
''Hold on!'' Hermione spoke. ''I have practised some atmospheric charms!''
''You have?'' Ron asked in astonishment. Then, he looked at Harry. ''I thought all weather magic was dark!''
''Do you ever read, Ron?'' the girl snapped. ''I'm not talking about clearing up this entire storm. Just a local spell to raise the temperature around us. It's in the same category as a Hot-air charm, I've used that plenty of times to dry your robes after rainy Quidditch practise. They use these charms in Ministry offices instead of heating. Like this!'' She made a complicated, broad wand movement, several stars shooting out of her wand. Harry saw the effects immediately: the snow didn't reach them anymore, melting on an invisible dome, and ever so slowly, the snow on the ground lessened too. ''You guys just need to clear up the meltwater and find something for the others to sit on.''
Hurriedly, Harry and Ron set to work to make the clearing a good-enough meeting place while Hermione fortified her atmospheric charm so it would hold for a couple of hours. As none of them were at the level to conjure chairs out of thin air and they likely wouldn't be able to do so anytime soon - McGonagall had said Conjuring was N.E.W.T. level –, Ron instead started gathering branches and enlarging them to a size that could hold humans, while Harry tried to dry the wood and removed insects.
Slowly but surely, the icy clearing was transformed into a beautiful gathering place. Hermione even had a burst of inspiration and added decoration by turning the bleak branches of the trees around them gold and silver. Harry smiled as he looked up, seeing the snow melt above their heads mid-air. Magic was amazing, even light magic. His grin turned a bit wry at that thought. He'd started differentiating it a bit too much in his opinion, probably because of all the pressure from Voldemort and Barty to start using heavy magic more and more. While it certainly had a very different feel to it and amazing results, he had no reason to shun light magic. The Dark Lord himself had admitted to using quite a bit of light magic whenever that was more practical.
The first groups of people arrived soon. First came those who were able to find the place without a guide: Luna Lovegood, several Gryffindors from Harry's year, and the Hufflepuffs Harry sometimes paired up with in group projects: Ernie MacMillan, Justin Finch-Fletcher and Hannah Abbot. As he watched the space fill up with people, he was incredibly glad how much planning he'd put into this already. It gave a sense of calm, knowing he had absolute control here. These students had all come to hear what he had to say, whether they thought him mad or not was a problem for later. Malfoy gave him a nod as he sauntered into the clearing with a small group of Slytherin students on his heel. They got a few nervous looks by the younger students of the other houses, but were otherwise ignored, which was certainly a lot better than open shouting or cursing. Harry was admittedly rather glad to see that not too many Slytherins showed up. It was just Malfoy, Pucey, the Greengrass sisters and Nott. Neither Crabbe nor Goyle were there, and Parkinson had also made herself scarce despite usually hanging around Draco. He'd kind of expected more students from that House with Pucey's unhealthy interest in Harry's dealings with the Dark Lord. Perhaps Snape's scolding had been really bad?
House rivalry aside, having a bunch of teenagers just waiting around was never going to happen entirely smoothly.
''We should have met in a pub,'' Fred complained, blowing at his fingers. ''We're missing out on a lot of good butterbeer right now.''
''Shut up,'' Ron grumbled, throwing his brother a look. ''You want to try and press over forty people in a pub and not get noticed?''
''Why are we trying not to get noticed?'' a nervous Ravenclaw asked. ''This isn't illegal, is it?''
''No, no,'' Hermione reassured the girl. ''It is perfectly within our rights to form study groups at Hogwarts, even without permission from teachers. But you know how Professor Umbridge changes the rules to her favour sometimes… We don't want it to become illegal. You see, professor Umbridge has been sent here by the Ministry to keep an eye on Hogwarts, because the Ministry believes for some mad reason that Dumbledore wants to use the students here to fight for him and against the Ministry. That's also why they've been discrediting him.''
''I didn't come here for a study group!'' a haughty Hufflepuff exclaimed before any of the others, who seemed stunned at the news of the Ministries' beliefs, killing any conversation about that. ''I just came here because I've been told that Potter will finally unpack some truths. If he really can, of course,'' the boy scoffed.
Before Harry could ask anything, Ron stepped forward, ears going red. ''And who are you?''
''Zacharias Smith. So, Potter, do you have any proof for your claims?''
''What claims do you mean?'' Harry carefully stated, also trying to gauge the reaction of everyone else here. It was easy to pick out those who had mainly come here for a story: they leaned forward eagerly, content to let Smith do the talking. Harry didn't know most of them, and couldn't recall so many younger students being on the list Hermione had made. Cedric had been correct in that quite a few students - especially Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs - had heard the rumours and decided to join at the last moment.
''That You-Know-Who is back!'' Smith spoke aggressively.
Harry blinked and cocked his head, trying to look absolutely confused, although inwardly he was seething. Not once had he claimed to know about the Dark Lord's return, and still many people assumed he shared Dumbledore's theories. ''I never said so. The only one who appears to believe in Voldemort's'' -the name gave the predictable responses, from shrieking to gasping- ''return is the Headmaster. Sure, there was a Death Eater at Hogwarts last year, but he might have been working alone.''
A cacophony of sound erupted.
''Don't say his name!-''
''You're lying, at the start of the year you-''
''Come on, Moody was one of our best teachers!-''
''No way that an ex-Auror was a Death Eater!-''
He raised his wand in the air and fired off red sparks to put an end to the stream of accusations. ''I will say it only once more,'' he bit, growing more annoyed. ''I was put in the Tournament by a Death Eater, that's it. I never claimed that Voldemort is out to get me or anyone else of you. I'm not always of the same mind as Dumbledore, so stop acting as if I'm his spokesperson or whatever. If you came here for a sensational talk, scram it. We're trying to set up a Defence club to counter Umbridge's horrid teaching! That should be your priority here, learning actual useful and practical magic instead of the bland basic theory we have to study during wasted class hours.''
''And why should you be the one to teach us then?'' Smith continued, red in the face now. He clearly wasn't used to having people tell him no. It reminded Harry a bit of Riddle, but in an even worse way. Smith had nothing to back up his arrogance.
''Harry killed You-Know-Who when he was a baby!'' Ron threw in, drawing his wand now as well and waving it threateningly in front of Smith's unimpressed face. ''And he drove off hundreds of Dementors with a single spell!''
''Not to mention that he won the Triwizard Tournament,'' Harry heard, and Cedric stepped forwards, staring Smith down with a disappointed frown. ''You were there when we were all shown his actions at the Award ceremony. He beat both me and Krum, and even Fleur admitted that Harry convinced her to take the cup together, as she felt he deserved it more.''
''Stop,'' Harry said, and he gave himself a mental pat on the back for sounding so calm, while Smith was making his blood boil so much that he wanted to try out some nasty curses on the prick. ''Ron, Cedric, thanks a lot for your confidence. Smith, I don't know what your problem is, but it doesn't look like you want to be here for the reason the rest of us is. I'm not going to waste everyone's time by discussing this further with you. We'll have to form this group without you.'' Zacharias Smith blinked rather owlishly as Harry pointed firmly to the line of trees everyone had emerged from.
''I'll stay,'' he mumbled. Completely done at this point, Harry shook his head.
''No, you won't. Leave. If you're like this now, I don't want to imagine having to teach you anything.'' A few students started whispering among themselves and giggling. Smith looked very self-conscious for a moment before he put on a flair of drama and sprung to his feet.
''Fine then! Enjoy your time with Slytherins and wanna-be heroes!'' He stormed off, followed by another boy whom Harry recognised as Wayne Hopkins, another Hufflepuff in the same year.
When he was gone, Harry turned towards the remaining students and crossed his arms. ''I don't feel like repeating myself. If anyone else has a problem with me, or the fact that a fifth-year will teach you, please do the rest of us a favour and go.'' He waited for a little while, during which three Ravenclaws slunk off. Harry didn't know any of them personally and thus didn't care much. After a quick count, he concluded that they were left with 39 people, most of whom he knew on some level.
''So, I hope you'll all agree that we've spent enough time discussing. As Fred said… or George,'' he corrected, giving the Twins a questioning glance. They only answered with their famous smirks, so he continued without playing the typical guessing game. ''I'm sure we'd all love to continue to Hogsmeade soon and warm up.''
One girl raised her hand, and Harry considered for a moment before indicating that she could speak.
''Your friend… he just said that you drove off Dementors. I read that this can only be done with a complicated spell that not even many adults can do. How did you? I.. I don't mean this as critique! I'm genuinely interested.''
A few more eyes turned to Harry, but it was Hermione who answered for him. ''Harry got the Patronus charm down at the end of our third year, I saw with my own eyes how this animal of bright light held off a whole horde of Dementors.'' His friend smiled encouragingly at Harry, and he gave a hesitant smile back.
''A Patronus? A corporeal one?'' A blonde Hufflepuff girl asked. He could recall seeing her in class, so she must be in the same year as him, but couldn't recall ever speaking to her. He usually hung out with Justin, Ernie and Hannah if the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs had shared classes. Harry thought he'd seen her and Hannah sitting together sometimes, so assumed they were friends.
''Yes. I asked Professor Lupin to teach me,'' he answered. ''I haven't had to use it since though. No Dementors around here thankfully.''
It looked like all thoughts of Hogsmeade had been forgotten by most. Terry Boot asked about his encounter with the Basilisk, Neville elaborated on Harry's adventures with the Philosopher stone, Ginny pitched in about his 'wicked piece of work with the dragon'. Instinctively, Harry wanted to deny most of it, say that he had help with everything, but after a few sputtered protests against the sudden storm of praise that took him by surprise, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He shifted slightly and looked at the Horcrux, which stood right behind him.
''Don't fight it, Harry. Status is given to us by others, you would be a fool not to recognise that. Your past actions make you a prime leader and teacher in their eyes. Don't ruin that by denying these accomplishments. You're only making it more difficult for yourself to be taken seriously.''
It felt like cheating to him still. He'd had help with most of his adventures, to have only the things he did personally be highlighted felt as if people assumed he'd done it all alone. Oddly, his friends only tried to enhance that view, even Ron, who had often felt pushed out of the spotlight by Harry. As he didn't answer, the Horcrux made a disgruntled noise and dissolved into smoke again that was sucked back into the locket. An idea struck him, and he spoke up:
''Thank you all. I'm sure that all these stories make it very clear why it is so necessary to learn practical defence. We can never know when we need it, I certainly hadn't thought I would have gotten into any of those situations. And I won't be your only teacher either. Plenty of my friends here have also dealt with difficult situations first-hand. Ron for example-'' all eyes shifted to Ron, who tried not to look too proud ''Fought against a whole nest of Acromantulas and escaped from them in a wicked car chase. He also beat McGonagall's giant chessboard in first year, showing quick and strategic thinking, invaluable when trying to get out of tricky situations. And Hermione here distracted an adult Werewolf, and figured out what Slytherin's monster was in the first place! Then Cedric… well, you guys have all seen him last year in the Tournament! Out-flew the most dangerous dragon of the bunch! All of us will be sharing our skills with you.'' He felt that highlighting their accomplishments without trying to paint it as 'helping him', was a good middle-ground.
''Sounds great, Harry!'' Ginny piped up. He sent her a grateful look for the positive response, which caused also others to start clapping. ''I can't wait to get started. My first year would have gone so much better if I'd have had a better sense of protection against the Dark Arts. My bad luck was having that dimwit Lockhart as my first Defence teacher. So, when and where is the first meeting?''
''We first have to know who actually wants to join,'' Hermione hurriedly spoke. ''I prepared a piece of parchment here on which everyone who wants to join has to sign their name.''
''Hold on,'' Cho said, frowning. ''Will attendance always be mandatory then? Because some of us have Quidditch practise, and I can't have these meetings interfere with my schedule.'' The members of the Gryffindor team nodded along.
''We'll try to plan around Quidditch practise and other clubs,'' Harry promised. ''But if we can't come to a full consensus and have to pick a date where you'll have to choose, none of us will be offended if you pick Quidditch or other groups over this. You don't have to come each time, although I'll try to have lessons build up on each other, so missing too many might be problematic for you.''
''I would pick learning Defence over any club I'm in,'' Ernie MacMillan spoke, puffing up his chest and looking around as if he was waiting for awed looks at his sense of priority.
''Some of us want careers in sport, MacMillan,'' Angelina said a bit crabbily. ''Thirteen of us here are in Quidditch teams. I can't have half of the team missing for practise. I'll of course try to coordinate with you, Potter,'' she spoke, nodding to Harry. He was glad that she and the other teammates had actually come. Considering he'd quit the Gryffindor team, he was grateful that she didn't let that affect her opinion of him. Maybe the Weasleys had talked her into it? All Weasleys remaining at Hogwarts were in the team now since Ginny had taken his position as Seeker and Ron had managed to become Keeper.
''What happens if we don't sign?'' one of Cedric's friends, who had remained silent the entire time, asked.
''The same thing as what happened with Zacharias and the others who left before,'' Hermione replied. ''You'll cross the secrecy line I put up, meaning you can't speak about this meeting to anyone. Furthermore, you won't be privy to any further information about this club. Not what we call ourselves, nor where we meet. You either sign up now, or not at all.''
''No-one said anything about a secrecy line,'' the boy muttered darkly. ''Precautions make sense I suppose. I'd have liked to know about that before though.''
Hermione raised one unimpressed eyebrow, and Harry understood why: his friend had put a lot of time in finding methods to keep everything from Umbridge, who would want to crush their group the moment she'd get wind of it. ''Then I'll tell you now that this parchment is also enchanted,'' she sweetly spoke. ''If anyone here signs up under false pretences and then snitches on us, you'll get hit with something much worse.'' Her eyes flickered suspiciously over Draco and the other Slytherins that had all stayed, grouped together at the side, a bit distanced from the rest. Malfoy had been uncharacteristically quiet too. He didn't respond to her silent accusation, looking a tad bored.
''I'll go first,'' Ginny spoke, stepping forwards and taking the parchment Hermione held. ''Got a quill?''
The twins followed suit, then Luna, Neville, and a couple of others. Ernie, who had just bragged about this being more important than anything else, didn't look so happy about putting his name down until Hermione assured him that the list would never reach any teacher's hands. Even Cedric's friend, whom Harry learned was called Lem Goldstein, a cousin of Anthony, signed in the end.
''Now we only still need a name!'' Ginny said. Harry was happy about how proactive and enthusiastic she was, though he hoped dearly that it wasn't to impress him.
''I thought we'd decide on that in the first official meeting,'' Harry said. ''No need to rush it. Hermione, could you give everyone the Galleons you made?''
The bag with Hermione's enchanted coins went around as she explained how they worked, earning her some well-deserved impressed looks and praise about the advanced spellwork. Only when Pucey made an off-hand comment about it being similar to the Dark Mark, did she look a tad uncomfortable, especially as she had to admit that her inspiration came from it. Harry tried to save her from scrutinising looks by pulling the attention to himself again.
''We'll have a good look at all the schedules from other clubs and teams you are all in. Once a date has been decided, it will appear on the side of your coins. We've found a great, hidden meeting spot already. For the first time, I want you to wait on the seventh floor, in the corridor where a tapestry hangs of a wizard teaching trolls ballet. Try not to come all at once, please. We want to avoid being too noticeable, so there's no need to try and be there on the dot.'' It would still be hard to manage, but Harry hoped that this would avoid a huge group standing in front of the wall half an hour before he and his friends would even be there. ''Any further questions?''
''Will you teach us the Patronus charm?'' The Hufflepuff girl, who had enquired about the Patronus earlier too, asked.
''I'd thought of starting with something a bit easier, but if no-one has anything against it, we could do that for the first lesson. It's a very useful spell for sending messages too, not only to defend against Dementors.'' When being met with general excitement, he spoke: ''Patronus charm it is then. I think that's everything for now, have fun in Hogsmeade and remember: do not talk about this with anyone who isn't in the group. That includes those who were here at the start of the meeting and left. Understood?''
''Aye aye, Commander Potter,'' one of the Twins jested, saluting him. ''Come on Fred, Lee, we have to be quick about our shopping now.''
''That went well,'' Ron spoke in relief as the clearing slowly emptied. Pucey lingered as if he wanted to talk to Harry, then was pushed to the exit by Malfoy, who threw the older student a warning look. Harry groaned inwardly, he'd have to be very careful about what he'd say to the Slytherin Head Boy. If his suspicions were correct, Pucey had only come in the hopes of catching glimpses of dark magic. As much as Harry would like to introduce dark magic into this curriculum, he'd have to be careful about it and teach mainly heavy magic that wasn't harmful, at the start.
''All in all, I'm pleased by how it went,'' Harry answered, putting up the hood of his winter cloak in anticipation of the snow that would soon pelt down on them again. ''Very glad that Smith is gone, I can imagine he'd have annoyed me to no end while teaching. I'm rather surprised by the amount of Ravenclaws that showed up, since I don't really have any friends there besides Luna.''
''You consider Luna your friend?'' Hermione asked in astonishment, and Harry didn't quite like her tone, which bordered on judging. ''You've hardly talked,'' she continued defensively when seeing Harry's reaction. ''And you don't ever sit with her or invite her anywhere.''
He stiffly replied: ''I invited her here.''
True, if he hadn't, either Ginny or Neville probably would have invited her instead, but he'd wanted to personally ask Luna to join their group. The dreamy Ravenclaw had been one of the first to openly declare her belief in him, and also had been the one who'd told him about Marietta ruining his first plans to get rid of Umbridge, and was generally fun to be around.
''Most Ravenclaws here came because of Ginny,'' Hermione said. ''Michael Corner came only for her, and his friends, Goldstein and Boot, tagged along.''
''Hold on, what does Corner have to do with my sister?'' Ron threw in, who had started to shrink the branches again to their original size.
Hermione looked a tad uncomfortable, she clearly hadn't meant for Ron to hear. ''He and Ginny have been going out since Yule. After Harry left in search of me, she was all alone there and he was a good dancer…''
Ron's face reddened a few shades in anger. Harry tuned the both of them out as Ron started a rant while Hermione tiredly tried to explain him that he didn't have any say in who his sister was or wasn't dating. He was rather relieved that Ginny had finally found someone to date. Maybe that had been why she'd been so active today? Because she could freely throw in her two cents without it looking like she was only trying to get Harry's attention? He decided that he liked this new side of her. The side where they really could be just friends after years of awkwardness.
He couldn't completely stay out of the conversation though, when Ron indignantly said: ''I thought she fancied Harry!''
''She used to. Harry has made it clear that he isn't interested in her, it took her years to get over her crush. She still likes you of course,'' she hurriedly added.
''I'm happy for her,'' he commented. ''It is hard to have feelings for someone whom you know will never return those.'' His stomach twisted a bit, and something in his tone must have alarmed his friends. He pressed his lips together and tried to keep his voice steady. Now was not the time, he should just tell them to go to Hogsmeade now and-
''Harry? Is there something you want to tell us?'' Hermione carefully asked.
He looked from one to the other, at a loss for words. He hadn't meant to let anything slip like this…
For a brief, crazy moment, he felt like telling them everything. About his feelings, about the Horcrux, about Voldemort… He wanted to unload, tell them about all the wonderful things he'd seen and learned, about everything that bothered him and everything he was afraid of. The moment passed as quickly as it came. There was absolutely no possibility in that ending well. He wouldn't be able to explain in a way they'd be able to understand. Harry couldn't fool himself into thinking that Ron or Hermione would agree to his new beliefs, or that they would condone his actions. Even worse, it would mean admitting he'd lied to them for more than a full year now. He'd dug this hole on his own and couldn't expect them to throw him a rope to climb out of it.
Still.. they'd stuck by him for so long, had shared so much with him, that he couldn't stay silent about every single thing anymore.
''You remember last year, when I didn't know who to take with for the Yule Ball?'' he hesitantly started. The Locket flared up hot against his chest, perhaps the Horcrux really thought he was about to spilt he beans. Harry ignored it. ''You told me that if I didn't know yet who or what I liked, I should go with the safe option, Hermione.''
''Oh,'' she said softly. ''I remember. You know now?''
''You've got a crush?'' Ron asked enthusiastically in a way that indicated he'd temporarily forgotten how pissed he was at Michael Corner for snogging Ginny. ''Tell us!'' Then, something seemed to dawn on him and he quieted down. ''Wait, is this about when you woke up at night and…'' he trailed off, for which Harry was glad. He really didn't need his friend blurting out how embarrassingly Harry had started crying on the bathroom floor.
''I have feelings for this guy,'' he blurted out, though calling the Dark Lord 'this guy' felt incredibly foreign on his tongue. ''And I shouldn't. He's… he's far older than I am, and selfish, and arrogant, and… incredibly messed up. Seriously, I think he'd really benefit from having a psychiatrist sometimes. Still I can't help…'' he took a few gulps of cold air and buried his face in his hands. ''I can't help but think of him. I want him to be here,'' he continued in a small voice. ''So that he can tell me that it's alright, that I don't need to be this perfect image everyone else expects me to be. That I can choose my own paths when I am strong enough.'' Harry bit his own tongue to avoid going off on a tangent, and gratefully accepted Hermione's embrace when she hugged him. Ron came closer to, putting an awkward hand on his back.
Hermione hugged him tighter as he buried his face in her shoulder. ''It's okay,'' she whispered. ''It's okay, Harry. Love can be difficult. You don't have to say anything else.''
It wouldn't have been possible for him to say more even if he's wanted to. All that he'd tried to shove away since that night returned with full force. His throat felt as if it was stuffed with cotton, and he wanted to scream out in the hope that some of his anguish would reach the man who caused it.
XxX
It was unwise to know too much. Severus kept telling himself this, even as he stared into the borrowed Pensieve, where he'd dropped every single memory from Potter's Occlumency lessons to view them again. These were all he was going to get. Their third lesson had ended a few minutes ago, and the boy's shields had been fortified to such a frightening degree that Severus hadn't been able to get through. So now he was digging through what he'd seen on Monday and Wednesday instead. He was overlooking something, something important…
Something he'd most likely be better off not knowing.
He couldn't help it, the desire to have the thoughts make sense was too overwhelming. As long as he protected his own mind well, even the Dark Lord wouldn't be able to notice a thing. Leaning forward, his nose touched the rippling surface again. Viewing these memories was odd and chaotic, as they were the same glimpses he'd seen before. Only now, he could rearrange the order.
… Potter stumbled forwards towards the strange, younger version of the Dark Lord... A Horcrux, it must be.
…Riddle's diary, the memory of yet another younger version of the same man rose from its pages… Back then, Severus had thought it a mere dark artefact. Dumbledore hadn't commented further on it either. However…
… Potter jerked away from the pain as the Dark Lord, in his rudimentary form, pressed two fingers against the scar… That scar, the link Lily's son had to the fearsome Lord.
…The Dark Lord's snake reared up and bared two sharp fangs, then bit down on two sticks. The memory was too blurry for Severus to make out any details. Then, he was the snake.
Potter. Connection. Horcruxes. Parseltongue…
Severus expelled himself violently from the whirl of memories, releasing a shuddering breath as he once more sank down in his office chair. He took a few minutes to process it all before he started drawing conclusions. When he finally did, he didn't like the direction it was going.
The Dark Lord had multiple Horcruxes to make himself immortal. And somehow, Potter was one of them.
''And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not,'' Severus murmured into the empty air of his office, feeling just as empty inside as he started unravelling the mystery that surrounded Potter further and further.
He knew now, there was no doubt about it. Why else would he have invested time and effort into Potter's education, given spells of protection, going so far as to even demand respect for the boy of all things? Not to mention he'd stopped trying to kill Potter. Severus tapped a finger against his thinned lips. The Dark Lord had tried to kill Potter before… that must mean he indeed hadn't known before. Could one create a Horcrux by accident?
Another worrying thought crossed his mind: did Dumbledore know? The Headmaster had always treated Potter as the one who would save them all. Severus had thought it to be based on an exaggerated trust in the Prophecy. However, for all Dumbledore's words, he hadn't actively taught Potter many useful things when it came to preparing him for facing the Dark Lord.
Dumbledore wished to see the Dark Lord's destruction in the end. If he knew about the Horcruxes, he must seek to destroy them. If he knew Potter was a Horcrux…
Severus leaned back and closed his eyes, feeling very cold all of a sudden. ''Well-played, old man,'' he spoke in a cracking voice. ''Well-played…'' Dumbledore had created his own martyr from the very start. Heroically swooping in to have the boy saved from the ashes of the Potter home before the Ministry could arrive, putting him with his Muggle family, spreading word about not only the Dark Lord's defeat at the baby's hand but also about the infamous scar that otherwise only a handful of people had known about… It all had led to a very specific image of Potter, the hero. Worst part about it was that even Severus had fallen for it, thinking the boy would have a saviour-complex himself from the start. The only people who'd seen through it had, ironically, been the very two people the prophecy was about.
One of whom Severus still had to visit today.
He took the memories out again - no need for Dumbledore to stumble across any of this – and cleaned up a bit. All the while, he secured his own mind, wrapping protections around the incriminating memories that he wasn't supposed to know. Only when he could say with absolute certainty that he'd be able to keep those a secret from his Lord, did he walk towards the fireplace.
One of the most annoying things about working at Hogwarts was that he couldn't easily use the Dark Mark for its intended purposes. The wards would alert Dumbledore as soon as he would force-apparate through them using the dark magic that simmered underneath his skin. Instead, he had to move to a different location first that was beyond the wards. Lucius' house was always his first choice, as it wasn't strange for him to visit his friend, and neither was it strange for a teacher to visit a member of the School Board if anyone else would find out who was unaware of their friendship.
He stepped into the green flames and concentrated on his location until he stepped out at the other end. He hadn't expected to actually meet his friend as the manor was rather large, but as soon as he stepped out, he heard: ''Severus! What a surprise!''
''Lucius,'' he greeted, brushing some soot off his robes. ''Do you know if the Dark Lord is available at the moment?''
His friend only showed a mild hint of displeasure at the instant business-like tone, and shook his head. ''Few know of his schedule. There were some plans for today, but they were cancelled. Only Crouch would know now. He barely ever leaves that house, so you will be able to speak to him even if the Dark Lord is absent.''
Severus grunted. ''I have been asked to report directly to our Lord, I wouldn't trust Crouch to give an accurate account of my report if I were to speak to him instead. Nonetheless, I'll take my chances. The worst that can happen is that Crouch blabbers me to death. That man is far too talkative.''
''Is Draco well?''
Severus stared at Lucius for a few long seconds to show how much he disliked the sudden switch in topic, especially as discussing his students was not his favourite spare-time activity. A tad unwilling, he answered: ''Last I saw of him, he looked healthy enough. He has been hanging around Potter a tad too much in my personal opinion…''
Lucius didn't look as concerned at Severus felt should be necessary. ''There are few at Hogwarts who are closer to the Dark Lord than Potter is at the moment. Draco couldn't have searched for better company. I am thankful that they overcame their rivalry, that could have ended badly for my son.''
''If you say so. Now then, I won't hold you up any longer.'' He activated the Mark before the other could get a word in, landing in front of the next set of wards he'd have to cross. For all their usefulness, Severus was not a fan of bubble dimensions. They hindered fast travel far too much.
XxX
''They surrendered, My Lord,'' Barty informed him giddily, handing him a roll of parchment. The news did not make him as happy as it should have. He'd planned another raid for that evening and had been looking forward to an excuse to practice violent, deadly magic. The squabbling staff at his office drove him up the wall with their insignificant rumours that they thought would be the news of the century, their next breakthrough. He would decide what was noteworthy. After all, he made the most important news himself. That was the great advantage of being the Dark Lord as well as the Head Editor.
He took the offered parchment without commentary nonetheless, eyes flying over the words. It was a clear statement of surrender: if he did not attack the last remaining slaver circle, they would release their property and disband. He weighted the pros and cons of this in his mind for a moment.
Not attacking would mean to save magical blood, which he always had to take into consideration. They would also get the same short-term results: the release of the remaining slaves. Long-term, these people might just try again, going deeper into hiding with their actions. Was it better to uproot them before that happened? Or should he leave them be, in case he ever needed another distraction?
''We will not accept surrender,'' he said at last. ''I promised vengeance. Accepting a feeble vow like this that hasn't even been signed by the responsible people, and risking the ire of our allies is too unsafe. We will move the attack to tomorrow. It is clear that they heard word of our plans, this letter comes at too perfect timing. Let them think they're safe before we destroy them. Contact the others, I need to know if this is the only letter that was sent out. It would be much better if the rest of the world does not know that they tried to surrender.''
After Barty left, Voldemort stood silently in the dark living room for a good while, debating whether he'd return to the office. Tomorrow was the Sunday edition though, and there usually wasn't too much to manage for those. It had the usual weekly columns and he'd already checked all important articles that would be printed.
A displeasured hiss escaped his lips. Not having anything to do suddenly was highly annoying. He could not be productive in furthering his plans today, and work was already done. It was only seven o' clock… The attack would have started in two hours. Voldemort sat down and closed his eyes, concentrating on the feel of magic that coursed through his blood, drawing it to the surface. He only opened them again when a golden glow appeared, so strong that it permeated his eyelids. Leaning back, he observed thousands of specks of light that now hovered in the room like glow bugs. He felt an almost child-like wonder when seeing this innocent display of magic he had produced with such little effort. It was baffling that so many other mages took this for granted, never truly seeing this gift for what it was. One day, when at long last his task would be complete, when he stood on top of the Wizarding World, they would no longer be able -or allowed- to think like that.
The first steps had been taken already. He'd created a comprehensive legislative system and sown enough chaos in unveiling the wrongs of the current society to also implement it. The first drafts lay in the Ministry now and were being reviewed by the Wizengamot. It would be heavily modified, he knew. That was why he'd started strategically, by having his followers push laws regarding magical creatures forwards. It was rather perfect: The public was currently in an uproar about the slave scandals, the creatures were impatient and demanded a change now, and Voldemort didn't care enough about his allies to wait with pushing laws until he was certain he had the backing and power to get the drafts through relatively unscathed. Moreover, he had given the drafts to several influential creatures such as Mrs Delacour, so they knew what he had initially written. If it would come out differently, they would blame the current government and support him even more.
He couldn't lose.
The next step, after tomorrow's attack, was to start revealing the corruption within the hospitals. He wouldn't leave the public too much time to think upon what exactly happened to all the poor creatures that had been saved and direct their focus inward instead. To all their friends and families who had been treated unfairly, or not at all. He'd be able to exploit Cedric Diggory's name for it, playing on the image that the Triwizard Tournament Champions were a solid front, leading a new generation to positive progression. It would have to last till after Yule, he most definitely wished for people to think upon this topic at such a sentimental family time as most celebrated it as.
The lights dimmed again, leaving him in near pitch-black darkness, as the dining room had no windows and the door that lead into the orangery was closed. He imagined the black wrapping around him, settling heavy on his shoulders. Darkness had always meant protection throughout his life and he still found a sense of comfort in it even after he had become powerful enough to kill every threat with a flick of his fingers.
Kill… he swallowed down the hunger for blood as soon as it rose in his throat. Tomorrow, he had a reason to sate it again… Voldemort lowered his head on his arms, which lay stretched across the table surface. Sharp nails left deep scratches into the wood. He needed to control it again, the raving beast that had awoken when he'd first discovered he could use his magic to inflict death. No matter what everyone whispered, no matter what people like Dumbledore saw in him, he was not a monster. He decided when to unleash the hunger, the blinding anger…
Harry had known that, too.
He growled and rose abruptly. To have at least someone to speak to, he searched out his familiar, finding her in one of her usual spots. It didn't do much to divert his mind, as she was lounging on Harry's bed. ~I thought I told you not to come in here. How did you even open the door?~
~My tail is flexible and strong,~ was her only comment. ~I like it in here, it smells like Harrison.~
~Harry.~
~When will Harrison be back?~ she continued, as if she hadn't heard him at all.
~When the frost comes,~ he sighed, sitting down next to her to stroke her scales. ~If everything goes as planned, that is. He won't stay as long as before though, perhaps a day or two.~
Nagini made her displeasure known by a series of hisses. He wouldn't admit to it, but he felt like doing the same. Harry had always been good at calming his emotions, trying to regulate them on his own was a tedious task. He lay there with Nagini on his chest, for a long time, just letting his thoughts wander. It must have been hours, and he couldn't say if he'd slept or not, only that a sudden breach of the wards alerted him. It wasn't Barty either, the person's magic felt far more reserved.
Severus.
''What a surprise,'' he whispered softly as he came down the stairs, greeting Severus, who was waiting in the entrance hall. ''I take it that you are here to bring me a report of the ongoings at Hogwarts?''
His follower knelt on the floor and lowered his head in a show of deference. Voldemort smiled wryly. So Snape was fully back into his role then, wasn't he? During their first conversation a few months ago, he had for a moment thought there to be no other option than death for the traitor. It was much better this way, Severus was valuable in multiple ways. He'd been young when coming into service, and hadn't been a Death Eater for more than a few years until Voldemort had perished. Before his death, the Dark Lord admittedly hadn't given the man much thought. It was only afterwards that he'd come to know and value Severus. While spending time on the back of Quirrel's head, he'd started to understand how capable Snape was: intelligent, logical, skilled in multiple subjects such as Potions and Dark Arts, and even brave in his own way. Should Severus fully prove his loyalty over time, Voldemort could see the man quickly becoming one of his favourites.
''Rise, Severus. And follow me.''
He went to the drawing room, only stopping in the corridor to call Nagini, pleased as she left Harry's room to join him instead. Whichever one of his followers he talked to, the fear in their faces was always just a tad more present when he had a lethal, enormous, magical snake at his feet. Severus was no exception, though he hid it better than most.
Once they both sat down, Severus started talking: ''My Lord, I am here to tell you about my progress with the task you gave me.'' The other was silent for a few seconds, as if waiting for a sign to continue. Voldemort gave none, only staring unblinkingly at Snape and waiting for the man to get the hint. He wasn't one to waste words. ''Right. Dumbledore quickly agreed when I suggested that Potter should receive Occlumency lessons. Although, in his own words 'There is no reason to assume that you, my Lord, would have access to Potter's mind', he admitted that there could be value in the boy having a fundamental understanding of it. Potter and I had three lessons this week.''
Voldemort sat up a bit straighter. Surely, after three sessions Severus should have been able to figure out what was going on. For he refused to believe that it had been Harry Potter he'd spoken to when trying to contact the teen through their mirrors.
''How did he progress?''
Severus' brow furrowed lightly and he looked down at his own intertwined hands. ''Potter's mind and progress was… unusual.''
''In what way?'' he replied sharply, and perhaps a beat too fast. He should calm himself, he decided, instead of getting so worked up instantly over Harry. He was just a teenager, just a piece of the game…
Just a teenager who happened to be disrespectful, foolish, brave, considerate, reliable… Voldemort gritted his teeth when his mind failed to deliver him any further negative adjectives to describe Harry.
''Our first lesson was right after Dumbledore had informed Potter about the necessity to learn Occlumency. He was utterly useless at it, resorting to physical attacks to cast me out of his mind. He might as well have been a small, muggle child.'' Voldemort tried not to react, although rage bubbled up at the implication that Harry was anything alike a Muggle! ''I did not search for any particular memories, and his mind was entirely chronological. I had expected the second lesson to be much the same.''
''One moment, Severus. All memories you saw… they were undoubtedly Potter's?''
His follower blinked a few times in surprise. ''Of course. May I ask what you mean by that, my Lord?''
''No. Continue.''
Severus threw him a wary look, then kept speaking: ''Our second lesson was two days later. I'd told him to practise before bed, without having much hope that he'd do so. However… when I tried to enter his mind, I initially couldn't. And it wasn't a fluke either. Potter had created this... barrier of magic that looked like smoke and electricity. Even after I finally managed to break through, there were tendrils of smoke following me, attacking me to throw me out. There had been even an attempt to set up a mindscape, causing the whole mind to act differently than before. Then today, during our third lesson, I couldn't get in at all. In less than a week, Potter learnt to shield his mind. Completely.''
Voldemort frowned, staring into the fire. It wasn't impossible to strengthen one's defences so quickly, but it didn't sound like Harry had learnt much from Snape. Rather, he'd improved incredibly during the days in between sessions. That didn't make sense. It made even less sense when combining it with his own theory, that he hadn't spoken to Harry at all. Unless…. Had he been cursed? Was he under the Imperius curse or some other influence? Would Snape have noticed even when digging through Potter's mind?
''What is your theory about what happened?'' he finally asked. Snape grimaced. It was gone quickly, but Voldemort had seen it. ''You know something, do you not?'' he threateningly spoke.
''Potter is…'' Severus coughed and grimaced again. ''I saw some memories that I would rather forget in that boy's mind. I believe he has had help from someone much well-versed in dark magic.''
''Who?''
''A student from Durmstrang. At least, Potter admitted to smuggling a Durmstrang student into Hogwarts. I warned him against it, but I fear he may not have listened and broken the rules again.''
''A student,'' Voldemort flatly spoke. ''From Durmstrang.''
''Most likely a former student, they must have met during the Tournament last year. Potter's mind was in much distress, and when I followed the memories, they all led back to an event that happened not too long ago. Potter and this… student… kissed.''
Voldemort froze while Severus kept on talking about how he had wished he hadn't seen it, how he thought it to be a recent development and that this other person most likely had practised Occlumency with Harry. His own brain was still stuck trying to process the information he'd just heard and his own reaction to that. There had been a flare of pure, unbridled anger. But that was ridiculous. As much as he had liked to tease the teen a bit as it was thrilling to feel the whirl of confused emotions from Harry whenever he did so, he had had no intentions of pursuing anything, something he had had to convince Barty of on multiple occasions. Of course a hormonal teenager stuck in a castle full of others like him would at one point find someone to fool around with. Or, in the case of Harry, most likely even love.
It shouldn't matter to him. He supressed the urge to throttle Snape and demand to find out the name and address of this person. Instead, he leaned forwards slightly and said: ''I wish to see this memory, Severus. To verify if it could be the cause of Harry's... distress.'' He at least wanted to know some general things: how this student looked, whether they were male or female…
''Certainly, my Lord,'' Severus spoke in a tone that sounded as if he'd rather be tortured than continue digging up Harry's private life. Still, he complied, lowering the barriers around his own mind and staring straight into Voldemort's eyes to grant access.
He found the memory instantly, which had been pulled to the surface by his follower. He stood in a shadowy corridor, only two people visible. One of them wore a hood, making the face hard to see. The other was clearly Harry. The boy stumbled forwards, taking the face of the other into his hands and pressing a kiss on the other's lips. The memory was soundless, not uncommon for a flash dug up through Legilimency. Voldemort walked around them to try and decipher the face, but the shadows made it incredibly hard, even more so as Harry blocked most of the view. Most he could see was that it was a man, about a head taller than Harry and with wavy hair that partially fell across his forehead as he leaned downwards. The robes of the other student did not hold any sign of Durmstrang, but as Severus had said, it could also be an alumnus. The memory was laden with all kinds of strong emotions, fear and stress being most prominent. The kiss also looked rather desperate. Voldemort had kissed far too many closeted boys in his time as a Hogwarts student to not recognise all the signs: Harry had only just now come to terms with his feelings.
''I see…'' he hissed as he left the memory. ''Not too much to go on, but your logic is sound.'' As much as he hated to admit it, he may have overreacted. If Harry had wanted to keep this a secret from him -or from everyone- it was no wonder that he was acting strange. The lack of dreams could be attributed to the same cause: teenagers in love usually had other things to do at night than sleeping.
''You may go, Severus. Keep up the lessons, even if you cannot enter his mind anymore. I do not want Dumbledore to know about any of this, he might try to exploit this new… development. Teach Harry potions instead or something, keep an eye on him.'' He felt strangely detached, and merely waved Severus off. He'd wanted to ask still about Dumbledore's movements, or the reception of the most recent prophet articles in Hogwarts, but didn't feel like it anymore. It could wait, Hogwarts was of little importance now anyways.
If Harry wanted to be with other people, that was fine. Just fine. Voldemort had other things to focus on now. Tomorrow, he would give into his bloodlust like he hadn't in years. And even if he would imagine every head he ripped off to belong to a certain Durmstrang student, no-one would have to know.
Thank you all for reading and for the nice comments on last chapter!
So, Severus averted a crisis for now and Voldemort isn't any wiser than before...
Please leave a review if you liked it!
xx GeMerope