So, still in time for the New Year/ the birthday of our dear dark overlord, is a new chapter!
I'm really very grateful for all of the amazing reviews you guys wrote to me ^^
Many thanks also to my beta for reading this like, a day after I sent it.
Enjoy!
Chapter 53 – Samhain
The morning dawned bright and early, and Harry woke up with a shock. Somehow, he felt very odd, nauseous and dizzy. The dreamless sleep potion never failed to leave him well-rested, except today somehow. Was he falling ill? When checking the time, he also noticed that it was much earlier than he'd usually wake, so perhaps that had something to do with why he felt so miserable. He grabbed the Locket to ask the Horcrux, then noticed it was still as dull as last night. Yesterday must have really left it exhausted. Harry debated turning around and getting some sleep again, but did not want to either waste another potion or risk the ire of something that could literally strangle him. Thus, he fished the diaries out once more. With Halloween around the corner, he was insanely curious about Regulus' Samhain 'date' with Voldemort.
The days leading up to the 31st of October, Regulus' writing lost all composure. There were no dates added anymore, just a couple of scribbles like 'What will I wear?' and 'Should I tell my parents?' that weren't even answered. It gave Harry quite a good view of how excited the Slytherin was and he would have found it amusing if he didn't think he'd be in the exact same state of mind. Harry flushed at the thought of how he'd act if Voldemort would somehow ask him out. He'd had a couple of weeks to come to terms with his feelings now, and voicing it to Ron and Hermione -scarce though he information to them had been- had certainly helped. He tried to move on and not think about it too much, only indulging in daydreams now and then. Realistically, he knew that it was very unlikely that anything could come of it, but he could hope, right? The Horcrux somehow seemed to think that Harry had a shot. Harry reminded himself that it was stuck as a twenty-one-year-old, not the sixties Voldemort was in at the moment, so the Horcrux's opinion couldn't be trusted too much on the matter. He didn't want to set himself up for disappointment and rejection. The Dark Lord surely also had better things to do than thinking anything of Harry right now.
Shaking his head and then regretting it immensely when he saw double for a second, Harry diverted his attention to the diary. At least he had this, a second-hand experience of someone who had indeed managed to have a relationship with the Dark Lord.
November 1, 1978
Yesterday was so incredibly exciting that I keep telling myself I must wipe the smile from my face during class or when walking around in corridors. It was very similar to the Samhain celebrations in the Forbidden Forest that I attended the last two years, yet also different. Conversations were much more covert, even though only those from dark circles attended. The Dark Lord told me that talk of war is undesirable during celebrations, which was one of the bigger challenges to overcome. Now here I finally was in a setting where I was not surrounded by only other students but actual figures of importance, and I could not speak to them about the matters I wanted to! The frustration was eased much by all the looks we got. I had a hard time not smirking at all those jealous people -witches mostly- as I was on the Dark Lord's arm, and I danced with him.
Naturally, dancing and talking wasn't all there was to this, not with a Dark Lord in attendance. Samhain is the one day in the year that the Black Cosmos is easiest to reach, and the souls of ancestors can be communicated with. The Dark Lord himself acted as a medium, His magic almost choking in its intensity as He allowed the departed to temporarily speak through Him. It was a wonderful experience. One thing that I was also especially pleased about is that He outlawed eating muggle meat this year. From His recent studies on the matter, He found that it has no additional benefits for magical purposes and can actually make one ill due to the poor nutritional value of the meat and transmittable diseases as many muggles eat a lot of garbage and are riddled with sickness.
Harry stopped reading there for a moment and cast his eyes skyward. On one hand, he was glad that Voldemort had apparently stopped the whole cannibalism act during this ritual that for some merlin-forsaken reasons had still persisted. On the other hand, his reasoning had been because it was bad for the health of mages… He didn't know whether to be happy or miffed. He settled for happy, as the end-result was at least good in his opinion.
Another thing he once again took note of was that Regulus still referred to Voldemort with capital letters on Him and He like some sort of god. To each their own of course, and it had been understandable when he'd been some far away figure of great importance during Regulus' earlier years, but it was slightly uncomfortable to read it in entries where they literally talked face-to-face.
I felt a great loss as the evening drew to a close, I wished it could have continued eternally. My hand still burns from the kiss He bestowed upon it before delivering me close to Hogsmeade. The Portkey I have now is great for getting out of Hogwarts, getting in is a whole different trouble. I had to spend a while at the house of another follower and covertly use one of the tunnels when I could. I hope that the tunnel leading to the fourth floor will hold, there are dangerous cracks running through the walls. It is the only way in and out of Hogwarts I know that is not well-known.
Harry wondered why Voldemort had never used the tunnels of Hogwarts to infiltrate the castle, if some of his followers had known about them. He also was admittedly a bit jealous over the fact that Regulus apparently had a Portkey to transport him directly to the Dark Lord. If Voldemort could create such a thing, it had been a conscious decision to not give Harry one of those.
November 10, 1978
I've been summoned almost every day since Samhain for training now. While I am learning a lot, it is leaving me exhausted to do this on top of my regular schoolwork. My excuses to fellow students as to why I am not available anymore are also running out. It is certainly worth it, the Dark Lord is an utter genius and talking to him is exhilarating. I get such a rush each time I am around him, and certainly do not mind the extra attention. What I am slightly uncertain about is how to react to his advances, if they are such. Since he took me to the celebration, he has been far more liberal, giving me brief touches during training sessions. A hand on my shoulder, on my hip, brushing it against mine… I am almost certain that there is more behind it and I don't mind, anything but! How do I ask to be sure? We haven't actually talked about anything. What are we? I'm so confused now…
November 18, 1978
I did it, I asked. Merlin, I felt so awkward as he reduced me to a stuttering mess at dinner. My head is still flaming red, I'm sure. He only laughed as if the whole situation amused him, then told me he'd answer that if I returned tomorrow. My heart is pounding away right now. I don't know what to expect tomorrow at all, it could go either way. What if a group of Death Eaters will be awaiting me to punish me for my impudence?
Harry flushed red as well as he started reading the next entry, realising it was the one he had already seen at Grimmauld place. Unable to resist though, and feeling oddly turned on, he continued, reading the entire entry this time.
November 19, 1978
I finally understand why people say that death by frostbite is bliss. I would gladly wander the poles to recreate what I had today. It felt like an arctic storm, biting and stinging, my ribs cracking under the pressure of his hard, icy arms as he thrust his cold erection inside of me. At times I almost felt like passing out, and could have died happy right then and there. When I arrived today, he left me little time for nerves, greeting me with the most heated kiss I've ever received, practically dragging me into the master bedroom after. I'm still very sore, yet somehow cannot wait to recreate that feeling again..
Harry closed the diary, falling back on his pillow with beating heart. ''Fuck,'' he whispered to express all of his feelings at once. Realising he somehow wanted to be romantically involved with Voldemort was one thing. What he felt now, the heat pooling in his groin, was on a whole different level. Only the weight of the Locket stopped him from reaching down and searching relief. The Horcrux would never let it go if it caught him masturbating. Especially not as Harry wasn't sure if he could hold back moaning the name of his current fixation.
How had this even happened, he pondered. At the start, even right after Voldemort's resurrection, he had not found the man appealing. His magic, sure. His behaviour, on occasion. The man had slowly grown on him over time, aided by the feelings they could mentally share and the rituals he'd been a part of. Nevertheless, he hadn't considered Voldemort beautiful before, for sure not hot. Was this what people spoke of when talking about rose-coloured glasses? For right in this moment, Harry wished for nothing more than for slender hands to straddle his hips and that alien, serpentine nose to nuzzle his neck. He flushed when recalling how much he had stared at Voldemort's smooth hands when trying to heal them. Alright, so perhaps he'd found parts of Voldemort already attractive before.
A cold shower would do him a lot of good right about now.
Thankfully, his newfound feelings were pushed away by an insanely busy schedule. It felt as if half a year had already passed instead of scarcely two months. To think that it would be another two months until the holidays made him tired even thinking about it. Umbridge was still relentless, calling people out for the smallest things. She had introduced a new Decree that disbanded all former clubs, which appeared to be mostly to spite the Gryffindor Quidditch team after Fred and George had tried playing some pranks on her. She hadn't been able to catch them red-handed, so had decided to punish them like this. Angelina had to go all the way up to Dumbledore to have the team reinstated. The rule did not really affect the D.A. The fact that their defence group did not have permission would be the least of their worries if they'd ever be discovered.
Harry had managed to do McGonagall proud, going under Umbridge's radar entirely. The woman only now and then threw him a smug little smile and sweetly asked with fake concern how his hand was doing. She was so full of herself that she wholly believed in her punishment's effectivity. She'd most likely be shocked to hear that it had stoked a rebellion instead right under her nose.
Filch was a lot more suspicious, keeping an eye on every single student that wasn't in class. The castle's sheer size was the only thing they could use to avoid being caught by him or Mrs Norris. It was quite a feat for a squib to always be present when students were misbehaving, and Umbridge had taken note of that ability. So far, Filch was her sole ally within Hogwarts. A few Slytherins had tried to suck up on her for a bit too until they'd been chewed out by their Headboy and influential people like Draco and Daphne. None of the younger students wanted to be on the shit list of their older peers, so that had quickly died down. It was no secret among Slytherin that Snape also was not overly fond of Umbridge, so that made it even more unlikely for anyone to take her side.
It was three days later, right before the Halloween feast, and Harry sat on his bed in the Gryffindor dorms. The book he was reading did not hold anything illegal per se, but he'd wanted some peace and quiet that the common room could not provide. Ron was at Quidditch practise for the upcoming match anyways. Harry hadn't kept up much with Quidditch anymore since quitting the team. The first time he'd enter the pitch again would be as a spectator in the next Slytherin vs Gryffindor match. What annoyed him most about it was the attitudes that half of the school appeared to have towards Ron. Or against Ron. His friend also had not yet learned to brush nasty comments and threats off like Harry had, looking green whenever passing Slytherins jeered at him. It was one of those things where talking to Draco hadn't helped either. The blond had given him a disbelieving laugh and mentioned 'sports jokes for newbies' and 'Weasley being ridiculous'. It was concerning to see how much it affected Ron though, and he hoped that the rest of the team looked after his friend a bit. Hermione had already given the Twins an earful (when Ron could not hear it) about the way they teased their brother about it. Not exactly great teamwork. Ginny, who had gotten the position of Seeker, did not get the same amount of jabs at her as she was more likely to sneakily hex the person insinuating that she'd fail.
''You haven't turned a single page in ten minutes.'' Harry looked up, not even having noticed that the Horcrux had materialised next to him. It had gained strength again over the past days, looking very solid. Its long black robes flowed over Harry's blankets, and a hood covered much of its pale face and wavy hair. Harry tried to avoid the piercing eyes that stared at him from underneath the cowl, flecked with red and reminding him too much of his current fantasies. ''Sunken in thoughts?''
Catching himself and trying not to sound breathless or shaky, he answered: ''I'm worried about Ron. The Quidditch match is in a few days and he's looked ready to throw in the towel at times.''
''One has to have resolve to succeed, your friend is not fit for this position,'' the Horcrux unhelpfully said.
''That is the worse advice I could give Ron right now,'' he grumbled.
''It isn't as if losing Quidditch will be the end of the world. You are making this out to be so dramatic. If you really cared, you shouldn't have given up yourself.''
''Gee thanks, here I thought you would appreciate me taking my studies more seriously than sport.''
''I did until you started whining about Gryffindor's chances.''
''Look, even if I was on the field, I wouldn't be able to do anything about it. I can't replace Ron as a Keeper. My spot has been filled already by someone I trust. My presence wouldn't make a difference now. That does not mean that I can't worry for the rest for the team, okay?''
''You should rather be worried about Weasley for different reasons than Quidditch.''
Frowning, Harry eyed the Horcrux suspiciously. ''If you did anything-''
''If I had, I would hardly warn you about it. I am talking about his struggles with spellwork. I wanted to wait and see what you would do about it first…'' it trailed off, sounding disappointed. Harry thought it was unfair to expect him to do anything as he did not even know what was wrong. Besides, Ron himself had brushed it off when Harry had suggested seeing Madam Pomfrey about those chest pains. He could hardly be responsible for all of his friends
''I haven't the slightest clue about why he has problems,'' Harry defensively said. ''None of the books I have read on heavy magic mention anything about this, and he can perform some dark spells fine, like the Patronus Charm!''
''Tell me your theories,'' the Horcrux spoke, less haughty now.
Harry closed the book he'd been reading and stared at his hands as he tried to come up with sensible explanations. ''So far, I think he's only had problems with the weather rituals and the Fear Hex. Both are heavy spells, so it must have to do with that. The only plausible theory I've had is that some people could have a different affinity to magic. He comes from a family of light mages… magic has to be genetic, otherwise there wouldn't be traits passed down families like Parseltongue or the Metamorphmagus ability.''
''Interesting theory. In this case incorrect of course, but food for thought nonetheless.'' Harry rolled his eyes, not sure why the Horcrux had even wanted him to guess if it was just going to be obnoxious about it. ''Magic does have a genetic component, although it may be smaller than you think. There is no such thing as a singular 'magic gene'. I have also never heard of an affinity as you theorise to exist. Certainly, someone can be drawn to certain areas of magic, but our magical cores are not by default light or dark. It is a mentality to use or shun dark magic, often based on one's education and the opinion of people you grow up with. Instead of only affected by one's physical makeup, magic is tied to both the soul and the mind as well.''
''Isn't that a necromancy theory?'' Harry said, shifting uncomfortably. Why did things always come back to this topic? Then, he suddenly realised how excited the Horcrux had been when Harry had mentioned participating in a Necromancy ritual and later gave a watered-down version of what had happened. It knew hardly anything about the topic yet, and gave Harry a poorly-disguised confused look.
''This is the essence of magical theory. In either case, what you have to consider with Weasley is the mind. One's magic is affected by one's mental state. Thoughts, doubts, all of that influences us when casting magic. You could not produce a Patronus in your third year until you saw definite proof of that you could, correct?'' Harry nodded, getting more interested in the explanation than he wanted to admit. ''Weasley is highly emotional and influenced by everyone else's opinions of him before his own. His magic reacts to that. All of his life, he has heard that dark magic is evil, dangerous. Deep down, he believes it. That causes a mental blockade, to which his magic then reacts. You know why?''
''The results created by magic is channelled by our imagination,'' Harry dutifully replied. ''When we envision something, it happens. That's the base of accidental magic too, isn't it?''
''Exactly, good to hear that you picked up on some of my lessons.''
''So Ron is hurt by the rituals we do because he believes it should?''
''Subconsciously, but that is the idea. It also explains why it does not happen with all dark magic. He only learned much later that the Patronus charm is a sacrificial spell, when he had already made positive connections with it. Even his family members use it.''
''And what can I do about that?''
''What you were always supposed to if what you told me about the Triwizard Tournament is true. Change the opinion of as many people as possible about dark magic. Talk to your friend about it so he knows what is going on. Knowledge is the first step to eliminating something that takes place on a subconscious level.''
''Why are you helping me with this?''
''I want something in return for giving you this information.''
Harry quietly snorted. He should have expected that. ''Oh?''
''Skip this travesty of a Halloween feast this evening and accompany me to the Forbidden Forest. It is tragic that you would indulge in Muggle traditions on such an important evening as Samhain.''
Harry grimaced. ''I don't know…'' he spoke, slightly unwilling. What was the Horcrux' plan? For he surely must have one. After what he'd read about the Samhain celebration Regulus had attended, he was not sure if it would be one of his favourite things in the world. Communicating with deceased spirits through a medium, celebrating death… Not to mention that this was the day his own parents had died. Their resurrection had been a bittersweet gift, he did not think he could go through anything like that again.
''You don't have a choice,'' the Horcrux spoke coolly, narrowing its eyes. ''I gave you something of importance, this is the price.''
''We did not negotiate a price, you gave it to me without me asking for it,'' Harry insisted stubbornly.
Its irises took on a definite red note now. ''Everything has a price. Always,'' it hissed back, leaning closer. ''Especially when it is me you are bargaining with. I have taught you for months now, Harry. I want to see some results. You have not been focusing on the type of magic I want you to study. The D.A. is all well and good, yet not enough. Tonight will be a perfect opportunity.''
''And if I refuse?''
A smirk spread over its handsome features. ''Always making it difficult, huh? It would be unwise to say the least. Two months is still an awfully long time to be stuck with me.'' It did not fail Harry's notice that it seemed to have accepted that Harry would contact Voldemort in the Christmas holidays and hand the Locket over. Was it getting more desperate to make good use of the remaining time?
Reluctantly, he said: ''Alright, I accept. However, I do not want to drink blood or any other gross stuff. I know that in your time, mages sometimes ate Muggles during Samhain. I will absolutely refuse to do such a thing and your older self even banned the practise.''
''Agreed,'' the other was quick to say, without even asking further questions. Too quick. Before Harry could ask why, footsteps came up the stairs and the Horcrux dissolved into strands of fog again. He did not have too much time to worry about what it had planned, as he was far too busy trying to give excuses to Ron as to why he couldn't come to the feast, complaining about headaches. He actually hadn't felt too well for a couple of days now and had the nagging feeling that the Horcrux was at fault as it had leeched off Harry's magic when gathering strength again. The good thing about it was that Ron bought the story easily, only wishing him well. Harry let some time pass so he could be absolutely certain that everyone would have left and wouldn't come back for forgotten items.
He threw on his invisibility cloak, pulled out the Marauders map and used as many shortcuts as he knew to quickly get to the ground floor. He exited through a side entrance, following the Horcrux as it strode down the grassy fields. Harry cast a sad look at Hagrid's Hut, missing the Half-Giant dearly, who still had not returned from whatever mission he was on. The Care of Magical Creatures lessons were safer with Professor Grubby-Plank teaching, but Harry wished to have Hagrid's optimistic attitude and beaming smiles around once more.
''Hurry a bit, will you?'' the Horcrux said, sounding agitated. Harry did not listen, slowing down even when they were very close to entering the Forbidden Forest. Last time he'd set foot in here had been ages ago, when he'd been battling hundreds of monstrous spiders and seen a dragon. He did not have very fond memories of the place, to put it mildly. The Horcrux was determined however, and Harry really did not feel like getting on the wrong foot with it again. Even if Harry could partially resist its tricks, he had no defence against direct attacks. His knee hurt again just thinking of when it had decided to shatter his kneecap for not obeying. A repetition of that wasn't desirable.
They did not stop shortly after passing the border of trees, going deeper and deeper into the forest on paths that Harry had never noticed before. This wasn't the way to the Acromantulas at least, that was something to be joyful about. The Centaur herd was also in a different part if Harry wasn't mistaken. A run-in with Bane would have been bad as well. At long, long last, when Harry's feet hurt from walking, the Horcrux slowed down. It took Harry a moment to notice why: they had reached a place where the trees were a tad less dense than in the rest of the forest, and moon rays shone on a pair of moss-covered, weathered stones that he'd mistaken for tree stumps. Harry shivered when he approached them, there was a static in the air here that wasn't wholly pleasant. He took off his cloak to see the things better and was instantly assaulted by magic as the feeling increased tenfold. He resisted the urge to wrap the silvery material around him again.
''We did not bring anything for a Samhain celebration,'' Harry remarked, now even more on edge.
''We have everything we need,'' it replied, kneeling in front of one of the stones. ''From this place of power, magic wells up, can you feel it? Today, it is at its strongest. My Knights used to meet here on special occasions to tap into its might. None of them knew how to properly wield it of course.''
''Unlike you?''
The Horcrux looked over its shoulder at Harry, sharp teeth blinking from beneath the hood. ''However did you guess? Come closer, kneel at the other stone. Bow your head to magic, let it run through your body.'' Admittedly curious and always up for learning something new about magic, Harry approached the stone. Waves thrummed through his body as he placed his hands on the rough stone, which was covered in spirals he did not understand. It was warm beneath his touch, a great surprise as the outside temperature had dropped to around the freezing point. ''Let it flow through you, encompass your very being…'' it whispered.
Goosebumps covered Harry's skin as he gave into this, without knowing what 'this' was, exactly. He'd somehow expected that the Horcrux would have introduced him to some Samhain ritual, not let him tap into power that felt older than the earth itself. It coursed through his veins and took his breath away, similarly to what Voldemort could do. Only this magic was not purely dark. It was just… old.
''Legilimens.''
The spell came far too unexpected for Harry to do anything. He'd completely lowered his defences and could not break free from the stream of power. He barely managed to open his eyes in shock and look at the Horcrux, which was bathing in the moonlight, as real as anything. Harry only saw the impression of a moment as if it was struck in his brain like a flash of lightening: a maniacal grin, glowing red eyes, undeniably solid white skin. Then, he was pulled into his own mind which he wasn't shielding right now. He had no chance as the Horcrux delved in. Harry didn't even know how. He'd had his eyes closed and was still wearing the snake-fang that should protect him against exactly this! How could it have performed mind-magic?
He did not have much time to ponder on it, his mindscape appearing around them. It was less disorganised as the first time he'd created the place. They had practised Occlumency regularly still, and Harry noticed that as time went by, his mindscape had improved as well, becoming far more organised. Instead of grabbing one of the books that contained Harry's memories however, the Horcrux spread out its arms, glowing blue threads spreading out across the space. Harry noticed that his own hands glowed blue too. Was this the stream of magic they were connected to?
''What are you doing?'' Harry asked, agitated.
~On this night of death and souls, the night of your creation, I reach out!~ the Horcrux hissed. ~The shroud is thin, Magic flows through me. Join me, my soul! I have refined your vessel, honed its abilities, prepared it for your possession!~
Harry watched on in horror, finally grasping what was going on. Stings of betrayal filled him as he realised what the Horcrux was doing: calling its… brethren, for a lack of a better word. ''No!'' he growled, trying to combat the utter disbelief that filled him.
The mindscape started to tremble and the Horcrux lowered its hands, a lazy smirk on its face when turning towards Harry. ~Come now, Harry… I promised you that I would make you stronger and better, a worthy vessel of my soul. I lived up to my promise, now do your part. The locket serves me, not the other way around. Why should it be different with you?~
~You lied to me!~ Harry sputtered.
~From the moment you told me that my soul resided inside of you, inactive, I was intrigued and thought I could use you through the bond we inevitably have. I realised soon that you were so much more without you even knowing it. That piece of soul inside of you is not as passive as you would like to think. When you turned my own spell against me and took possession of my Locket, I knew that that wasn't just you. The Locket has been prepared specifically to house my soul after all.
I dropped our previous arrangement, having found a new purpose: ensuring that you would protect our soul to the best of your ability. I only left out the obvious: to be a good host, you actually have to host at some point. I know how awful it is to be locked up for so long with no contact to the outside world. Surely, the piece you hold will be of the same opinion. So I trained you, guided you.
The Occlumency lessons fell right into my lap. I could shape your mind and gain access to it at the same time. Your feelings for my older self played into my cards as well. You gave so much of yourself to me Harry. There is quite a bit of magic in a first kiss, as disgustingly romantic as that sounds. And now, on the very same night that my soul latched onto you fourteen years ago, it will finally be given a chance to breathe. I'm very interested to see what happens… will you be able to keep control at times? Or will you vanish into the background?~
Harry felt as if he had been punched in the gut. All those conversations, all the times that the Horcrux had helped him in class… it had all been part of a grander plan? To mould him into the perfect container? Even that kiss… No, he refused to believe that. It had been his decision to come that close to the Horcrux. Whatever it claimed, it wouldn't take that from Harry too.
~Voldemort won't allow this.~ he spoke in a trembling voice.
~I am Voldemort. So are you.~
Blackness started to spread out all across the room, as if drips of ink climbed up the cream walls Harry felt so comfortable in. Harry blinked and looked up, squinting his eyes. No, not blackness. It was blue, dark blue. A sense of calm enveloped him as he looked at the Horcrux. ''You forgot one detail,'' Harry spoke, smiling sadly at the Locket Horcrux. ''This piece of soul is nothing like you.''
''What?''
Serenity descended upon them, and the strands of magic that the Horcrux had spread disappeared. A shape became visible, small and humanoid. Harry approached it and crouched down, looking at it in wonder. ''When I became a Vessel, Voldemort was not so different than he is now. I doubt he learned incredibly much during the years he was a spirit. So, the man I met that summer should be almost the same as the piece that lives inside of me.'' He met red eyes as he picked up his own Horcrux, which was very similar in appearance to the rudimentary form that Voldemort had used before his resurrection. The Locket-Horcrux looked at its patchy red skin and deformed limbs with disgust ''This is what happens when you take dark magic too far,'' Harry spoke calmly, cradling the thing in his arms. It released a painful wail and clutched Harry's arms with long, blistered fingers. ''I doubt it can even speak, let alone take over control.''
''That is what I become? No, no, that can't be! My Horcruxes ensure my survival, my power!''
''Your sanity was chipped away with each one you created. According to my parents, it was only countered when I gave my blood willingly during the resurrection ritual.'' Harry hoped that he wasn't twisting the truth too much. Voldemort definitely was saner now and had admitted before to spiralling out of control, but he'd also been rather reasonable already when stuck in the temporary body he'd crafted. His words did seem to have much impact though.
The being in his arms raised a hand and pointed it at the other. Harry did not know what happened, but the Locket-Horcrux released a furious cry and fled from Harry's mind. The thing then turned its face to Harry instead and lifted a finger, tracing the scar on his forehead. A familiar rushing sound filled his ears that had Harry's heart shooting up in his throat.
The teen blinked as he came to his senses, staring at the sight before him as he wondered what in Merlin's name was going on. Before him rose a very familiar building: the neglected ruin of Riddle Manor. He stood right outside the gates, behind which he could see the three dead trees that hid the entrance to the dimensional bubble. The freezing cold wind that whipped into his face was a clear sign of that this wasn't a dream or a memory either. He was really here, several hundred miles away from where he'd been seconds before. Something heavy was in his hands, and Harry lifted it up, seeing that he held the Locket, clutched in his fist instead of hanging around his neck. So this was it then? His chance to finally hand it over without any interference? The moment had come so sudden that Harry didn't move for a while.
Alarmingly, that did mean that Harry had been incorrect. He could not have transported himself here, and the Locket-Horcrux had been trying to get away… The piece of soul that he bore was indeed more powerful than he'd expected. That was something he could worry about later, now was not the time. He had no idea how late it was and could not check just yet lest he'd alert the Ministry of underage magic in Little Hangleton, on the front porch of Voldemort's old house.
The iron gates creaked as he pushed it open, frost blooms on the dark metal melting underneath his fingertips. Harry hadn't expected the cold weather to reach this far south yet. Quickly, before the Horcrux in his hand would have a chance to recover from whatever 'Harry's' piece of soul had done to it, he pushed on, stepping through the magical entrance without hesitation. He instantly continued towards the front door without stopping even as the scenery changed. As soon as he pounded on the door, a very frazzled-looking Barty pulled it open forcefully, looking just about ready to scream at whoever had appeared at this day and time until he recognised who it was.
''Evan?'' he asked, aghast. ''What… How…''
''Good to see you too,'' Harry said, trying to smile. ''Is he home?''
''No,'' Barty answered, to Harry's crushing disappointment. ''It's Samhain, as a Dark Lord he has responsibilities today that he chose to take up again. You can come in nonetheless, no need to freeze on the porch.''
''Thanks,'' Harry muttered, gratefully stepping inside of the entrance hall. The smell was overwhelmingly familiar, and he took a moment to enjoy it. Barty led him to the kitchen and started preparing some tea as Harry took a seat, feeling incredibly tired now that all of the power he'd felt from the stone in the Forbidden Forest left him.
''Did you apparate here?'' the Death Eater asked with worry. ''Are you in trouble?''
Harry shook his head. ''I can't even properly explain what happened. Truth be told, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it myself. I can only say that it has something to do with this.'' With the greatest difficulty, he opened his fist, the emerald 'S' on the locket shining in the light. Barty looked at it and did a double-take.
''That is…the missing Horcrux!'' he rasped. ''How in Circe's name did you get a hold of that?''
Harry was tired, but not too tired to pick up on what Barty had just said. Voldemort had never told Harry exactly how many Horcruxes he'd made. If this was the only one that was missing however, there were seven, including him. Six now that the diary had been destroyed. ''It was at my godfather's place,'' Harry mumbled. ''Before you start scolding me, I did try to contact you and Voldemort about it,'' -he ignored Barty's instant muttering protests about respect for names- ''but it had too much control over me already by then. I could barely sleep a couple of minutes each night, making it impossible to reach out through dreams. When I finally convinced it to let me sleep properly again, it forced me to take dreamless sleep potions. It didn't sound very happy about meeting its older self again and cut off all my communication attempts, taking over my body when I tried to inform others about it or threatening to hurt my friends. It wasn't all bad though, it taught me a lot. Dumbledore wanted Snape to teach me Occlumency, and it basically forced me to learn how to block Snape out within a couple of days.''
''I thought that was your… associate… from Durmstrang?'' Harry looked up in confusion, so Barty added: ''The Occlumency lessons weren't Dumbledore's idea, Evan. After that last odd mirror call, our Lord was on alert and thought an impostor had answered. He had Snape check your mind to see if it was really you. Snape told him about several things that he thought might be related to your odd behaviour and mentioned the student you smuggled in.''
If only Harry had known all of this earlier, then he could perhaps have given Snape an actual hint about needing some help to reach out to the Dark Lord. He was infinitely grateful that it was Barty he could tell this all to first. The Death Eater had no qualms in freely and directly giving Harry information. With Voldemort, he would have had to figure out half of it himself.
''There was never a student, that was just a story I made up to explain some things that Snape saw in my head. It was… this,'' Harry explained, gesturing to the Locket. ''It could visualise, although only I saw it. I needed some sort of way to answer Snape's questions without giving away our Lord's secrets. I highly doubt that he trusted many of his followers with the information about his method of immortality. I only know that you know because you gathered all of the other vessels. What's wrong?'' Harry asked as Barty was just intently staring at him.
''There was no student,'' the blond slowly repeated. ''It was this piece of our Lord's soul that taught you?''
''Errr, pretty much.'' Harry said, wondering why this was so important. Suddenly, he got a very bad feeling. What exactly had Snape told them? Surely he wouldn't-
''So the one you kissed…'' Barty hinted, for some insane reason having a delighted smile on his lips.
Instantly, Harry knew his face was growing flaming red. ''I'm going to kill Snape,'' he yelped, jumping up. ''He is dead, so, so dead!'' Barty reacted much faster than Harry had anticipated, grabbing his arms and forcing him to sit down again. Harry eyed the Death Eater warily, unsure of what to say or do now. Even before realising what all those confusing feelings about Voldemort actually were, Barty had noticed something, Harry realised. And from what he could gather, the man hadn't been too keen on it, warning Harry away from Voldemort a couple of times.
''Tell me everything, from the beginning when you found this object,'' Barty spoke, releasing Harry to pick up his own cup of tea, then leaning against the kitchen counter.
''First of, promise that you won't tell him,'' Harry begged. ''About the kiss.''
Barty's eyebrows shot up. ''Why?''
''It's… it's complicated,'' Harry struggled to admit. ''And private,'' he added. Barty looked unimpressed, as if he had never heard the word privacy before.
''I'll decide that after hearing your story.''
So Harry recounted his tale from the day that he had found the locket. He omitted only a few details that he thought were unimportant to the bigger picture, such as finding Regulus' diaries. There had been no mention of Horcruxes in it so far after all, and Harry still had not gotten to the part where Regulus had chosen to betray the Dark Lord. Instead, he focused on the effects that the Horcrux had had on him in summer. He continued with the way it had first threatened him, then helped him.
''Then came those damned Occlumency lessons. I won't deny that they weren't useful, but it dug up some shocking facts about myself that I'd tried to deny before,'' Harry admitted quietly, struggling to form coherent sentences. ''Little moments I'd ignored, emotions that I had pushed down, they were all pulled to the surface to be examined all at once… Overnight, I had to come to terms with the sudden realisation that what I felt around the Dark Lord was not just a result of his magic.'' Harry peeked at Barty, who looked at him with compassion without interrupting. ''Honestly, I didn't even know that I liked men before,'' Harry weakly said. ''And it just laughed at me mockingly for that.'' He curled up, hands clamping down on the mug as if hanging on for dear life. ''I was so angry and hurt, and not thinking straight. Then in one desperate moment, I confused this piece of Voldemort for him… and kissed it. Didn't end well, clearly,'' Harry bitterly spoke.
''I thought you were already aware of your feelings far earlier,'' Barty spoke. ''The way you looked at him, spoke to him… You practically swoon whenever you feel his magic.''
''I've never swooned,'' Harry protested, at which Barty laughed. The mood brightened a bit to Harry's immense relief.
''You did too.''
''Did not!''
''I'm glad,'' the Death Eater admitted suddenly. ''When I heard that you were together with some Durmstrang student, I had feared that my words would have permanently chased you away from our Lord. I only wanted you to be careful and use your head for once before you would dive into a pool of emotions. We both know how he can be.''
''Yeah,'' Harry miserably spoke. ''Which is why I don't want you to tell him. I know that nothing good can come out of it, I had plenty of time to think about it these past weeks. He is good at manipulation and has used me before. His mental instability is worrying and not something I can handle when swamped with exams, an insane teacher and a secret Defence club to run. Besides that, I doubt he'd be interested in me. Sure, I hold some sort of importance I guess, because I have a piece of his soul too, but in the grand scheme of things I'm just a teenager. That I have feelings doesn't mean that they'd be reciprocated. I'm happy just being near him, I don't want to destroy that by pushing it.''
''What if he did want you too?''
Harry ran a hand through his hair as he thought of how to answer that. ''I'm not sure if wanting is enough,'' he said. ''Not to sound ungrateful in case he would want something more from me… I'm just not someone who would look for a short-term fling. He's admitted to not understanding more complicated emotions, not even being able to feel those. He… he cannot love.'' Harry looked up to Barty, aware of the vulnerability he was showing. ''How could I be with a person of whom I'd know that they could never love me?''
The blond came closer and pulled Harry into an awkward hug. ''I don't want to tell you how to live your life, Evan. I only hope that you are aware of how rare the connection between the both of you is. A prophecy, brother wand cores, blood and soul magic… Your emotions may be influenced by all of that. Don't despair about your chances when you don't know yet. Have faith in our Lord, always. I'll keep silent about it, of course. If only because you are too young for him anyways right now, and he'd deserve to hear it from you personally. It is not my place.''
''Thank you.''
''These newfound feelings had better not influence how you treat him though.'' Barty warned, narrowing his eyes. ''I expect nothing but respect and reverence from you still. You are getting far too liberal with saying his name. Next time you do not address him properly, I'll hex your head off.''
He should have known something like that was coming. ''Understood.''
''Good. So, nothing about this whole story explains why you are sitting here now. What happened after?''
Relieved that he'd been able to share his complicated crush on Voldemort with someone who didn't judge him one way or the other, Harry continued speaking. How it had kept training Harry without mentioning the kiss other than in a teasing manner. How they'd worked together rather harmoniously, or so he'd thought. Lastly, he turned sombre as he recounted the events that had transpired tonight. Barty didn't interrupt at all, only whistling when it was over.
''Now that is something. I knew our Lord was powerful but this? Apparating you from the Forbidden Forest to here? I never heard about that place of power, it must have been very ancient if the magic it gave was used to go straight through the wards of Hogwarts. There are usually anti-apparition charms all over the place. Of course, it could also be that you were so deep into the forest that you passed those already.''
''I don't really know how far the wards go,'' Harry admitted. ''The grounds of Hogwarts are nearly fully surrounded by fences on all sides, but the Forest seems to go on endlessly. I'm not sure if the fence run through there as well or if they expect the many creatures in there to act as a barrier. We walked long and far enough, I think. Even if I could apparate back there though, I doubt I could find my way back to the castle easily.''
''Especially as that would cost time again,'' Barty muttered. ''The Halloween feast will last much longer than any regular dinner, but it is around eight-thirty now, only one and a half hour left before curfew. Some of your housemates might already be returning.''
''That late already?'' Harry groaned. ''I'll need to start coming up with excuses to explain my absence then… I told Ron that I wouldn't attend because I didn't feel well. That won't fly if he does not find me in the dorms when he returns.''
The atmosphere changed within the blink of an eye, and Harry's breath caught as an incredibly familiar feel of caressing dark magic creeped upon him. Barty grabbed his left arm and winced, eyes trained on the door. Harry couldn't look, merely basking in the feel of the Dark Lord's magic, even though he noticed that the man was angry. A few seconds later, the door was slammed open.
''Bartemius, you'd better have a very good explanation for why you-'' he stopped mid-sentence, and their eyes met. It wasn't often that he'd ever surprised Voldemort, so he relished in the shocked look. ''Harry,'' Voldemort spoke, his voice sounding slightly raspy. For a moment, the teen wasn't sure if he'd imagined it or not. He didn't get much time to think about it however, for fury suddenly flooded his every sense, a hand caught his throat and shoved Harry into the nearest wall. The chair clattered uselessly to the floor.
''Months of silence!'' Voldemort boomed. ''And now you think you can just show up here without warning? Who do you think you are?'' Harry clawed at the hand that cut of his air supply, trying to form words and failing. Even when he stopped struggling, the man didn't let go, leaning in so close that Harry could see that Voldemort's crimson irises had flecks in them of a darker shade of red. He'd never noticed that before…
Not knowing what else to do, Harry turned to the one ability he could always use to calm the man down. He placed the hand that wasn't still grasping the locket on the other's arm and concentrated on pleasant thoughts. Flying. The D.A., his friends… slowly, the hold loosened and Harry's back slid down the wall. In that moment, he noticed that Barty had mysteriously disappeared. Coward. Before Voldemort could continue his rant, Harry held up his other hand. ''I found this,'' he spoke, with slight difficulty as his throat was rather sore now.
Taking the chain and holding the locket up into the light, Voldemort stared in silence.
''You told me that, in the unlikely case that I'd ever come across a missing Horcrux, I should return it to you as soon as possible. So, here I am. Took longer than I'd hoped-''
''Where was it?'' the man harshly cut in.
''The Black family house,'' Harry said, as he still couldn't pronounce the address due to the Fidelius charm. He could see the cogs in the man's head turning, and felt an overwhelming onslaught of different emotions as Voldemort took a step back, from rage to sadness.
''The traitor…'' he whispered in disbelief, an underlying pain in his tone that Harry found incredibly different to listen to, wishing he could hug the Dark Lord. He stayed put, hugs would definitely not be appreciated right now. Then, Voldemort's ire was directed at him again. ''You arrived there three months ago!'' he growled. ''Even if you found it on the very last day, that does not excuse keeping it after!''
''I tried to tell you about it!'' Harry exclaimed, getting angry now too. It was entirely unfair that Voldemort was blaming him for it. ''It stopped me from sleeping first and when I was finally at Hogwarts and had enough privacy to try contacting Barty through the mirror, it possessed me.''
''I taught you how to connect to them! Are you telling me that you were not strong enough to withstand its influence?''
''I'm really not sure why you sound so disappointed!'' Harry yelled back. ''Aren't you the one who created them with the ability to possess other people? It did what it was supposed to do, it holds your magic. I didn't have a chance against that!'' He fell silent, breathing heavily as he gave Voldemort a fuming look. ''No matter how much you taught me, I'm nowhere near as strong as you are,'' he continued, slowly calming down when the Dark Lord did not deny it. ''Only the piece of soul inside myself could finally stave off its hold over me, which is how I came to be here today.''
''The Horcrux you hold attacked the other one?'' Voldemort asked, sounding rather disturbed. ''What happened?''
Harry sighed and rubbed his neck, wondering how to explain it without mentioning anything about the mindscape to not have the subject of occlumency come up. ''The piece in the locket tried to 'free' the one in me and have it possess me. Said something about me having to become a good host,'' Harry grimaced. ''It only seems that the one in my head is content as is and had no intentions of taking over. I'm sorry that I picked the locket up in the first place, thinking that I could keep it safe for you without being influenced. That was a mistake.''
''You… wished to keep it safe?''
''To make the headquarters of the Order liveable, there have been several thorough cleaning attempts on the house. Any and all objects that were considered dark were thrown away. I found this in one of the last untouched rooms, I had no idea what would happen to it if I'd just left it there. I heard that Fletcher stole a couple of items that he thought to be valuable before they could land in the bin. You wouldn't want your Horcrux to end up in a shabby shop in Knockturn, would you?''
Voldemort quieted down and frowned. Harry flinched as the man lifted his hands to Harry's face, but instead of clamping down around his throat again, a cool palm was pressed against his cheek. Magic raced out from it pleasantly, sending tingles across Harry's entire body. He tried to ignore that in favour of concentrating on the man in front of him. ''My soul… did it harm you?''
Harry shrugged and tried to play it off. ''To about the same degree as you usually do. It punished me if I showed too much disrespect or disobedience. Nothing unexpected. It also helped me.''
''In what way?''
Just as he was about to answer, Harry realised that it would be very unwise to tell Voldemort as much as he'd told Barty. If the Death Eater had come to the conclusion of Harry's 'Durmstrang friend' not existing after hearing that it had been the Horcrux who'd aided Harry with Occlumency, the Dark Lord certainly would. That would lead to more questions that Harry wasn't prepared to answer. ''It… it talked to me,'' Harry stuttered, trying to stick to the truth, yet water it down so much that Snape's information wouldn't be doubted. ''Although I was cut off from you, the Horcrux still was you in a way as well. We discussed magical theories and it helped me if I struggled in class and my friends couldn't help me.''
Voldemort's hand fell away and his face grew blank. Harry felt through the link that the man closed up. ''I've heard that you made some new friends as well to help you,'' he spoke in a clipped tone. ''It is good that you are trying to associate yourself with people who know more about different aspects of magic. Durmstrang is known for its extensive attention to mind-magic.''
''So I've heard,'' Harry spoke, feeling uncomfortable.
''Now you won't need to be concerned about my Horcrux keeping you awake, I hope that our shared dreams will return… that is, if other nightly activities allow time for that.''
Despite how much the other was currently closing off the link they shared, something still seeped through. Something so dark and unpleasant that it had Harry wishing he couldn't feel anything right now. In a flash of shock, he recognised it for jealousy… yet not of a kind Harry had ever experienced himself. Sure, he'd sometimes been envious of other people, especially when he'd been at the Dursley's still. He was sometimes jealous too when his friends rather spent time with each other than with him. This… this wasn't anything like that. It felt like an all-encompassing wave of negativity. Barty's carefully voiced words from before now made a whole lot more sense. Voldemort did have feelings, and the Death Eater had known that. It filled Harry with dread to feel so sharply what it contained. Only jealousy, possessiveness, entitlement. There was not a hint of anything that Harry himself felt for the other. No care, no longing… certainly not love. Harry squared his jaw and blinked back tears at the pressing weight of that discovery.
Be careful of his ugly sides, Harry's mother had warned. Those reared its head now. Merely the thought of Harry holding the attention of another reduced Voldemort once more to a murderous beast, unable to think of anyone but himself, including Harry. He could feel it, the way that Voldemort wanted to claw the heart out of anyone who dared cross his path. It was terrifying, and Harry was so not ready to deal with this. In a desperate attempt to please the man, he hissed: ~Nothing could keep me away from you willingly.~
That appeared to mellow the man a bit again, although sharp stings of unpleasant emotions remained. Whether they were directed towards Harry still, he couldn't tell. ~See that it doesn't. Now, you should leave again. Your friends will surely be missing you.~
''Before I leave… could you make a Portkey?'' Harry hurriedly said, thinking of the one that Regulus had had at one point. Voldemort raised an eyebrow. ''I… I mean, for emergencies. Had my own soul piece not aided me, I'd still be at Hogwarts now.''
''During Dumbledore's time as Headmaster, he made many changes to the wards to bolster its defences. An anti-Portkey field was one of them, installed shortly before my first death. Giving you a Portkey would be useless. They only work when created by a person inside of the wards. That is why it was so essential that Bartemius was in the castle when enchanting the Triwizard cup. He connected it to the wards themselves. Although…'' he added, stroking his chin. ''You could potentially use it during Hogsmeade weekends, and to reach me more easily during holidays if they refuse to let you leave the Order's headquarters. Come.''
They went over to the dining room, where Voldemort plucked Harry's glasses from his nose. ''It is best to use an everyday object that you always have on you,'' he explained, placing the object on the dining table. Harry squinted his eyes to see what the Dark Lord was doing. He lifted his left sleeve and revealed a pale arm, on which something shimmered… With fascination, Harry watched as ink bloomed across the ivory skin, forming a dark blob that could possibly be the Dark Mark. Voldemort placed the tip of his wand first against the mark, then drew it through the air to the pair of spectacles, a trail of black fog following. ''Portus Signum, Morsmordre!''
It glowed a bright blue for a moment, and Voldemort carefully placed the glasses on Harry's nose again. ''You can activate it by saying 'Morsmordre'. Emergencies only,'' he warned. ''Both the creation and possession of unauthorised portkeys is highly illegal. With the Ministry's current quest against Dumbledore and his Order, they will keep a close watch over you. Do not reveal to anyone that a Portus spell has been placed on these glasses, not even to your closest friends or your godfather. You are no use to me in Azkaban.'' Harry nodded to signal he'd understood. ''Also, this Portkey is keyed to me personally. You will be transported to my side, wherever I may be, another reason why you should limit its use. I might be flying, or in battle. If you intend to activate it, try to first reach me through the mirror.''
''Understood. Thank you.'' He tried to convey the gratitude he felt through their link. The man gave him a small, graceful nod in return.
''The Ministry has a whole team dedicated to tracking down unauthorised Portkeys,'' Voldemort still warned. ''Only activate it when you are in places with other interfering magic. This house is secure, and I assume that your godfather's place and Hogsmeade are as well. Should you be sent back to your Muggle family next summer however, it would be unwise to use it as a method of escaping from there.''
''I'll take that to heart. So, can I use this to get back to Hogsmeade now?'' he asked. ''Or does it only go one-way?''
''It saves your last destination, much like the Triwizard cup did. Should you use this to travel from someplace to me, you can then use it to get back there. As you are already here now, that won't work. Barty can…'' Voldemort trailed off, then resolutely said: ''I'll apparate you to either the Forbidden Forest or Hogsmeade.''
''I can find my way back more easily from Hogsmeade without being seen,'' Harry smiled, his heart skipping slightly at the thought of side-apparating with the Dark Lord. It slightly healed his previous crushing disappointment about Voldemort's feelings towards him.
''What were you doing until my appearance interrupted you?'' Harry asked after saying his goodbyes to Barty and walking through the garden to the exit of the bubble dimension.
''A Samhain celebration with the Malfoys. As a reward for his excellent work in aiding me with the uncovering of the slave trade, Lucius asked to be connected to his departed father. I agreed to act as a medium. It is… an odd sensation to connect to the minds of those who have passed on. It is much trickier than finding their souls in the Black Cosmos. They either come or they don't and whisper of secrets. I was only just getting ready with the preparations when Barty called me. I have to still go back after.''
''I'm sorry.''
Voldemort slowly shook his head and wrapped the invisibility cloak around Harry's shoulders. ''You brought the missing piece of my soul back to me. That was worth the interruption. Hold on tightly now.''
The teen tried not to suppress how content he was as Voldemort drew him close, snaking an arm around his torso. Harry held on too, relishing in the opportunity to sneakily give the man a hug under the guise of side-apparition. He pressed his face into the silky robes and breathed in the Dark Lord's scent, right before the world disappeared in a flurry of colours.
I must admit that this chapter turned out very differently than I had originally planned and it has honestly messed up my plot ideas for some of the future chapters.. The Horcrux was supposed to be there until Christmas, my apologies to everyone who liked it so much X'D These scenes just... happened somehow. I decided to stick with it and come up with a tweaked flow of my original plans rather than trash it :P
At least Harry and Voldemort finally had another scene together ;P
Please Read and Review!
xx GeMerope