Fin stuck his head in without knocking. She was on the phone and wouldn't have heard him anyway.

She had the same perturbed look she always had when talking to McGrath. Liv held one finger up, trying to put him off for a minute. Too bad this couldn't wait.

He whispered, "No, now." He knew his freaked out expression helped her hurry off the call.

"What's going on?" Fin suddenly couldn't find words. Olivia pulled her glasses off and stood up."Fin?" Her eyes widened with panic. Not much ruffled his feathers, but he wasn't ready to deliver this kind of news to one of his best friends.

"Um okay, he's uh," he knew he was rambling. "He's alive," trying to start with the good news, but judging by the look of panic and confusion on her face, he was failing miserably.

"Fin." Her voice was firm and laced with fear. "What happened?" Each word came out slow and accentuated.

Fin let out a nervous breath, "Stabler took a bullet, quarter inch below the vest."

He watched the blood drain from her face and he worried she'd pass out. "Sit down Liv."

She shook her head and mindlessly pushed random files into her bag. He was sure she didn't need any of them. She grabbed her keys and jacket, and Fin tried to follow.

"Liv!" He pushed his way in front of her. He grabbed both her arms, shaking her into reality. "Let me drive. You shouldn't drive right…"

Olivia cut him off. "No I'm driving, and I swear Fin if you don't get out of my way right now I'm going to hurt you." From the wild look in her eyes he believed her.

He stepped out of the way. She turned back towards him, "Sorry Fin, I'm just.." she didn't finish her sentence but he knew she was terrified.

"Don't worry about me. I'll get Noah squared away. Get out of here."

"Thanks." Her eyes watered and he knew she was trying to keep it together in front of him.

"Get out of here Liv." He watched her nearly run to the stairs.

"Damn it Stabler," he said under his breath.

Olivia cursed as she scrolled through her missed calls. Ayanna called her four times while she suffered through her phone call with McGrath. As if she needed anymore reason to hate that man.

She was almost to her car, but couldn't wait any longer to call Bell. She answered on the first ring, and Olivia dove right in.

"What happened?" Liv asked. She tried to restrain her mind from going down the rabbit hole of worst possible scenarios.

"Um." Liv could hear Ayanna's voice catch. The sinking feeling fell deeper into Liv's stomach. "He made it to the hospital alive."

"What. Happened." Liv's voice came out firm even as she held back her rising emotion.

"A bullet snuck under his vest. Lower left abdomen entry point. He's in surgery now. I don't know much."

Olivia sucked in a breath. Breathe, she reminded herself. She pinched her eyes shut trying to hold back the tears threatening to surface. "How bad?" Liv finally made it to her car and switched to bluetooth.

"It's pretty bad Liv." Olivia could hear the tremor in Ayanna's voice clearly over the car's speakers. "He lost a lot of blood on the scene. He lost consciousness when we loaded him into the bus." Ayanna sighed into the phone. "I think you need to get here."

She felt nauseated. "I'm already on my way." Liv answered. "Ayanna," Liv asked tentatively, "call me if anything, I mean anything, changes."

"I will," Ayanna replied. Olivia ended the phone call. Her knuckles whitened as she gripped the steering wheel. Everything she had said, or hadn't said paraded through her mind. Memories of stake outs and late night coffee runs flooded her mind. A quarter century of memories there was the memory haunting her the most. Him laying in her bed, arms around her, telling her he loved her, and her silence in return. Why was she like this? She loved him! She knew she loved him, hell, he probably knew she loved him, but why in the world couldn't she say it?

She shook her head in an attempt to brush away the pain and fear. He had been shot before. He always survived. He always came home fine, and fighting to go back to work. He will be fine. He will be fine. He will be fine. Her mind repeated the phrase over and over, but one thought pushed its way to the forefront. What if he's not?

Olivia rushed through the emergency entrance doors. "Elliot Stabler." She told the receptionist as she looked up.

"And you are?" The receptionist asked. She clearly did not want to hand out sensitive information, but Olivia was not in the mood to argue about HIPPA or patient confidentiality.

Before Liv could say anything else the familiar voice of Ayanna Bell rose over the hum of the busy emergency room. "Liv!"

Olivia rushed to the corner of the room where most of the OCCB unit sat. "How is he?" Olivia asked breathlessly.

"Not sure." Ayanna answered. Liv noticed she was covered in blood. Elliot's blood, "We haven't had an update since I called you." Bell was visibly shaking.

"What the hell happened Ayanna?" Olivia tried to mask the anger in her voice. It probably wasn't Ayanna's fault. Elliot probably went all heroic cowboy on her and got himself shot.

"He and Jamie were meeting up with a pimp we thought might be related to the case. Elliot went in alone and Whelan hung back to cover him." Ayanna paused as the story took a difficult turn. "Uh," she tried to find words, "it went sideways pretty quickly. This particular pimp is a paranoid dude and didn't trust Stabler for a second. Elliot tried to back off, but the pimp shot before any of us knew what was happening. Jamie rushed in for back up but got clipped in the shoulder. Elliot took one to the vest and the second just under the vest."

Bell shook her head, likely blaming herself. "I got there as soon as I could. Jamie was okay, bleeding, but just a through and through. Elliot's though…" Her voice trailed off.

Liv felt sick. Like really sick. She couldn't breathe. Her hand pressed into her stomach. She needed to get out of there. Things sort of moved in slow motion, spinning like a cheap carnival ride. She made it out the doors of the ER before throwing up in a nearby garbage can. The cold air whipped at her face. Her nausea eased, but she still felt like someone was standing on her chest. She needed to go back in there, but she wasn't sure she could go in as Captain Benson, strong and impervious to fear and pain. She was just Liv. His Liv. She pinched her eyes shut, and took a breath. She could do this. She had to do this.