A/N: This one is a bit sad. Thank you roon0 and Lucyole for your lovely reviews. Please let me know what you think.
She was pleasantly surprised by Severus's confession. She never expected him to say he loved her. She dreaded the thought that her feelings for him were so one-sided that he could never reciprocate them. The crush she harbored for him at school was kept very hidden from her friends. She found herself doodling his initials in the margins of her books and essays and then having to vanish them quickly before anyone saw them. He sure didn't show he had any feelings for her while she was a student. In fact, he belittled her. She always wished he would call on her in class. She wanted to impress him but the more he ignored her the stronger her feelings grew for him. Now that their feelings were mutual, it made her feel giddy. She hadn't felt this happy in a very long time.
His dark penetrating eyes stared longingly into her own. His warm body was pressed up against her, his lips still an inch away from kissing her. His left hand was pinning her wrists to the wall, and his other hand started stroking her hip lovingly. "Kiss me," he crooned. She reached up and began snogging him. She could not deny him. Her tongue gently licked his bottom lip, and she was permitted to enter his mouth. They kissed passionately as the seconds ticked by. Neither one of them wanted to pull away.
With a begrudging sigh, he pulled away and rested his forehead on hers. "Lunch is sitting on the counter waiting for us and I hear Sabrina coming down the hall," he answered. He pulled away from her just as Sabrina entered the room.
"I washed my hands, Daddy. Are we ready to eat now?" Sabrina cried excitedly as she clapped her hands.
He turned his attention to Sabrina with a smile on his face. "Yes. Lead the way, Cherub." He watched as she left the bedroom door. He quickly grabbed Hermione around the waist and whispered in her ear, "We'll finish this tonight." He nipped her neck and then released her leaving her blushing hard by his words and actions.
He grabbed her hand tightly in his and led her to the kitchen never releasing her hand until they got to the kitchen table. He pulled her chair out for her and began to serve them the food he cooked. Silence filled the room as they ate their food happily. Severus had his sleeves rolled up while he was eating as he did not want to spill any on his nice clean shirt.
Sabrina was munching on her grilled cheese sandwich when her big brown eyes fell on something black on her daddy's arm. She couldn't make out what it was. She dropped her sandwich with a gasp. "Is that a tattoo, Daddy?" By instinct, she reached out to touch it.
Severus dropped his spoon back into his bowl of soup and quickly pulled his arm away. Without meaning to, he snapped at Sabrina, "Don't!" Seeing her ashen and crestfallen face instantly made him regret his actions. "I'm sorry, Sabrina. I don't want you to touch it."
Sabrina frowned and stared down at the table. "Why not?"
He knew by the look on her face that she wasn't going to stop asking about it. With a frustrated sigh, he rolled his sleeve up more to show Sabrina the dark mark etched into his skin. He didn't want to talk about it. In fact, he despised the hideous mark on his arm that was forever burned to his skin by a foolish mistake when he was a teenager. Sabrina looked up and stared at the mark closely but did not reach again to touch it.
Severus cleared his throat and began speaking in a very low voice. "I don't want you to touch it because it hurts to touch." He fought with himself about what to tell his child. He knew eventually she would know everything, but she was so young.
"It hurts? But why?" she questioned now with a confused look on her face.
"It's not a tattoo, Sabrina. It is a burn. It was made by dark magic which means it cannot be removed and at times it stings very badly. Touching it will just make it worse," he lectured with a haunted look in his eyes.
Hermione looked at Severus with a pained look on her face. She did not realize that he still felt pain from it, and she felt sorry for him.
Severus saw the look in Hermione's eyes. "Don't pity me. I made my own choices." He tried not to scowl at her in anger. He hated it when people pitied him. He deserved the consequences he received in his life.
Sabrina, just as studious as ever, came up with another question. "Why can't you just get rid of it or heal it?"
Severus returned his attention to Sabrina with a frown on his face. He murmured, "It's a curse. Once you receive it, you cannot get rid of it." He squirmed in his seat feeling awkward by Hermione and Sabrina's stares. "And no, before you ask, I did try to get rid of it. I read as many books as I could on dark magic. I tried different potions and spells, but nothing worked. It is there forever," he said bitterly.
"Why would you get that on your arm if it hurts?" Sabrina asked now with a worried look in her eyes.
Severus's patience ran out and snatched up his spoon in anger. "That's enough. Maybe when you're older, Sabrina, I'll talk about it then but not now. It is not a nice story. Now eat your food. It's getting cold." His voice left no room for argument.
The rest of their lunch was very silent with no one daring to say anything. Once Severus was finished with his food, he snatched his sleeve back down in anger and buttoned it back up. He quickly cleaned his utensils, bowl, and plate with a wave of his wand and sent them back into the cupboards. He stormed out of the kitchen needing to brood in silence.
Once Severus had left the kitchen, Sabrina looked down at her empty plate with tears in her eyes. "I made Daddy angry." She started to wail not understanding why her Daddy was so mad.
Hermione stood up and went over to Sabrina. She stroked her child's hair softly and used her thumbs to brush her child's tears away. "He's not mad at you, sweetheart," Hermione explained with a knowing look in her eyes. She hugged Sabrina tightly to her and stroked her back.
Sabrina shook her head and continued to sob. "Then who is he mad at?" She wailed.
Hermione sighed and whispered, "He's mad at himself, sweetheart. He loves you very much. He just needs some space. We all get angry sometimes." Try as she might, Sabrina still wouldn't stop crying. She had never seen her Daddy get this upset before and it scared her. She continued to sniffle as big teardrops dripped down her face. "How about we read your favorite story? Would you like that sweetheart?"
With a quick nod from her child, Hermione carried her to the living room and held her in her lap. With a flick of her wand, she accioed The Tales of Beedle the Bard and began reading quietly to Sabrina. By the time she got to page 20, Sabrina was soundly asleep. Hermione quietly shut the book and set it down on the table. She carried Sabrina up the stairs and put her into her bed. She tucked her in and kissed her forehead. With a tap of the wand, she illuminated Sabrina's special nightlight and closed the door with a quiet click.
She slumped against the door with a grimace on her face. She wasn't happy with the way things transpired. It took a lot of convincing on her part for Sabrina not to feel like Severus was mad at her. He needed to understand that she was three years old and didn't know any better. She was going to ask an insufferable number of questions and it didn't matter how annoying or intrusive they were. He couldn't act like that towards her. With a sigh, she pushed off the door and went in search of him.
o-o-o-o-o-o
Severus was sulking in the bedroom. He was sitting up in bed with his back against the headboard. He had a book gripped in his hands, but he couldn't focus on the words in front of him. He didn't mean to fly off the handle. He was furious with himself for ruining lunch the way he did. They just moved in, and he already made things worse. When it came to his past, he struggled to keep his emotions in check. He hated reliving his memories. The sick and twisted things he did to earn his spot in the ranks repulsed him. But as always, he did what he had to do to survive. He didn't want Sabrina to see him as a monster even if he felt like one. If she ever found out that he followed the evilest wizard in the world it would crush him. Now that his guard was down, tears filled his haunted eyes and started streaming down his face. He was so caught up in his own self-pity that he was startled by a warm hand that touched his wet cheek. He tried to pull away, completely mortified and embarrassed by someone seeing him cry.
"It's okay, Severus," Hermione whispered to him gently. "I understand." She tugged the book out of his hands and set it down on the nightstand. She got into the bed beside him and held him tightly to her.
Severus used his free hand to wipe the remaining tears from his face. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. Sabrina didn't deserve that, and I feel awful." Hermione continued to hold him tightly knowing there was no need to chastise him about what transpired. She provided him with comfort when he needed it and it slowly ebbed away the harsh feelings that he felt.
"Hermione," he croaked with a sad look in his eyes. "I don't want Sabrina to see me as a monster."
Hermione stared at him appalled by what he said. She gently stroked his cheek with her warm fingers. "Severus, you're not a monster."
"Yes, I am," he argued as the sad look in his eyes turned into anguish. "I did terrible things that are not forgivable. I was just so angry."
She said, "I know, Severus. I know all of this. I saw the way you were treated at Hogwarts."
He stiffened and looked at her uncomfortably. His jaw tightened and he asked quietly, "How did you see it?"
Hermione looked down at the sheets knowing Severus would not be happy to hear that Harry shared the memories with both her and Ron after they presumed him to be dead. With a sigh of reluctance, she whispered forlornly, "After the war, Harry saved the memories you showed him and ended up showing them to Ron and me. He wanted to prove that you were a brave man that was always on our side."
He grimaced in disgust and sneered angrily, "I didn't want anyone else to see those. He had no right to share that with you."
Hermione felt a pang of hurt from his words. She wanted him to feel comfortable sharing with her. She loved him and she would never think any less of him. She grabbed his hand in hers and looked deeply into his eyes. "Severus, I love you. I would never think any less of you. I want you to share things with me."
He shook his head and tried to pull away from her. "How can you love me? I treated you horribly. I don't deserve your love, Hermione," he uttered brokenly as fresh tears filled his eyes.
She grabbed him roughly by the shoulders and pulled him to her face. She kissed him aggressively. She pulled away and said, "You're wrong, Severus. You are everything I want, and you cannot push me away." She took a deep shuddering breath, feeling her own emotions starting to affect her. "I admired you for a very long time. I used to write your initials on my essays without meaning to." Her cheeks flushed at her admittance.
The sad look in his eyes disappeared and a smirk lined his lips as he welcomed the change of subject. "I know. You may have tried to vanish them Hermione, but there were a few times where I still saw them."
She stared at him in shock. "Why didn't you say anything? You could have given me detention or taken points away, but not once did you acknowledge me."
"I wanted to write something back on your essays, but I chose not to. I figured there was no point. You were a schoolgirl, Hermione. I didn't feel it was necessary at the time," he explained with a shrug of his shoulders.
She held strong to her determination and grumbled in protest, "You wouldn't give me any attention. Every day in class I raised my hand. I tried to impress you with my knowledge. You couldn't call on me one time?"
He looked away from her feeling bad for what he was about to say. "You're persistence amused me," he admitted. "I heard you time and time again defending me to your friends, and I wanted to see how long you would continue to want my attention. I was a fowl git. I shouldn't have said the things I said to you and made you feel inferior or incompetent."
"What changed then?" she asked curiously. "Why did you pick me that night during the battle?"
He looked at her sadly. "I shouldn't have done it, Hermione. I was selfish. I knew you fancied me. Over time, the thought of someone actually caring for me warmed my heart." His cheeks colored in embarrassment. "In your sixth year, I started to realize how attractive you were. I couldn't do anything about it obviously, but when I saw you in the hallway that day, I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to know… No, I needed to know if you still cared about me even after what I did."
"You may have been selfish, Severus, but you were also hurting. You needed someone and I'm glad I was there for you," she declared lovingly. "And I will always be there for you," she added.
Severus vowed, "I will always be there for you too, Hermione."