Olivia woke up before her alarm. Darkness still covered the room and she could feel Elliot's rhythmic breathing beside her.
She laid on her back, one arm lifted behind her head, resting on the pillow. The shirt she wore rode up while she slept, exposing nearly her entire abdomen. She suspected her shirt hadn't ridden up on its own when she noticed one of Elliot's large hands resting on her bare skin.
He slept on his side with his head tucked above her shoulder, and his nose nearly touched her face. The rest of his body hugged hers and one of his legs had drifted over her leg.
She stared at his hand and it's positioning on her belly. Normally, she hated her stomach to be touched, particularly with her skin so generously exposed. However, his passive touch filled her with feelings of love and devotion instead of the shame and anxiety that constantly swirled around her.
His unconscious touch lit a yearning in her belly. A desire she'd constantly denied. She laid her hand on top of his, and slowly shifted his hand from its original position to her belly button and along the waistband of her leggings. She let his fingers tease just below the waistband sweeping against the bare skin of her hip.
She knew he'd awoken by now but he kept his eyes closed and his hand relaxed while she continued to slide his hand over her bare skin. She appreciated the control he allowed her, giving her a chance to acclimate to the feeling of his hands all over her, even places they hadn't yet explored.
She knew he was having trouble keeping his eyes closed and his breathing steady. This exploration couldn't go much further without either of them getting too lost in it. Her alarm would go off any moment now, and she didn't want to be caught in the throes of something they couldn't stop, especially with Noah sleeping close by.
As expected her alarm blared and they both jumped. She rolled away from him to shut it off. When she rolled back over she was met with those eyes. She scooted closer and snuggled into his chest. Her safe place. His arms came around her, pulling her as close as possible. She felt his lips press into her hair, her temple and eventually he left a lingering kiss on her lips. Neither spoke, not wanting to shatter the peace radiating around this moment of complete acceptance and love.
-000-
The peace of their early morning quickly shifted into a frantic rush to get out the door. She probably spent too much time snuggled into Elliot's bare chest because she was now rushing Noah to get out the door. He obviously had left over grumpies from the day before because he dragged his feet through the entire morning.
"Shoes Noah!" She dug around for food appropriate for a school lunch.
"I can only find one!" He whined.
"We'll look under the couch or something! I don't have time to look for you."
Noah grumbled but complied. "Oh wait. Found it on the bottom shelf of the bookcase!"
What the hell? Whatever. "Good! Get them in your feet." She glanced around the kitchen counter, but didn't see his lunchbox.
"Noah, where's your lunch box?" She stood in the kitchen with a sandwich in one hand and organic veggie straws in the other.
"I dunno," he huffed. She resisted the urge to scream.
"I'll find it," Elliot started to lift himself off the couch.
"Damn it." She muttered under her breath, "Elliot sit your ass back down on the couch."
"Moommmm!?"
She was coming apart at the seams now. "Sorry Noah," she glared at Elliot like it was his fault she was swearing in front of her kid.
"Sorry," he mouthed, and she immediately felt bad because it obviously wasn't his fault.
She took a breath in an attempt to quell the rising stress of the morning. A few breaths later she felt able to deal with her stubborn pre-teen. "Noah," she was pleading at this point, "I need you to look in your backpack and see if it's there. We need to get going or we are both going to be late."
Noah seemed to realize he pushed his mom to the end of her rope so he silently complied, even if he stomped the entire way back to Eli's room.
She closed her eyes in an attempt to take a short reprieve from the situation, but she felt some familiar lips brush across her temple. She savored the sensation before saying, "You're supposed to stay on the couch."
She felt his arms come around her middle, their weight giving her a grounding sensation that was almost immediately calming. She felt his lips close to her ear, "I'll be fine, stop fussing over me." He placed a light kiss on her cheek. "You looked like you needed a hug."
She turned into him to wrap her arms around his neck, completing the embrace. "I did," she admitted. "Thank you."
Just then, Noah called, "Found it!"
Elliot dropped his hands and took a step back. Olivia immediately missed the warmth and comfort his embrace provided.
Noah bounded into the kitchen right as the key turned in the lock, and Kathleen came in.
Noah skidded to a stop to greet her, "Hi Kathleen!"
"Gah, Noah! Lunchbox please!"
"Oh yeah," he said and tossed it to the counter.
He gave Kathleen a quick hug and she stuffed his lunchbox with an eclectic assortment of food within reach. "Let's go!" She called and Noah bounced towards the door. She turned to Elliot who still had his hand on her lower back. She smiled and kissed him quickly. With a hand on his cheek she gave him a meaningful look and said, "I'll see you later."
He grinned and kissed her once more before letting her rush out the door.
-000-
Elliot flipped mindlessly through Netflix without any real desire to watch anything. The silence felt uncomfortable in comparison to the hectic morning. He missed those crazy mornings, begging his kids to get their butts out the door before he grounded them for a year. The memory made him laugh. He hoped Olivia would let them have more mornings like this, hectic, but together.
The quiet was killing him. Eli's obnoxious teenage behavior had been maddening, but he missed having another person in the house. Kathleen was there but she had a rough shift at work and immediately crashed when she got home.
The bustle of a high intensity job and the chaos of five kids at home left little time in his life for quiet. It felt weird.
He finally chose a random nature documentary just to kill the quiet. Maybe, if he was lucky, it would lull him into sleep. He wasn't hopeful. To be honest, he'd slept better with this gaping gunshot wound than he had since Kathy died. He knew it had everything to do with the woman sleeping beside him.
It wasn't just a warm body next to him he craved, it was Olivia. The last few weeks felt like a dream he never wanted to wake up from. The level of trust she started gifting him left him feeling thoroughly humbled. Her ability to forgive was one of the many reasons he adored her. Now and always.
He remembered that tonight was the last night of her obligatory stay, and his heart sank. He was sure he'd never be able to sleep again without her snuggled into his side. His mind wandered to the events of the early morning and the level of intimacy they'd shared. What made it unbelievable was her initiation and complete control of his touch. While the gunshot wound limited him in so many ways, it allowed their physical relationship to evolve more slowly than it would have if he'd been otherwise healthy. It had, thus far, been a natural, slow paced introduction of what it could become. He knew they could transition into that part of their relationship without fear, self-consciousness or regret.
A light knock on his door jerked him from his thoughts. He glanced at Eli's bedroom door, knowing Kathleen was still dead asleep. He needed to practice moving around more anyway. He unlocked the door and was surprised to see Amanda Rollins, wait Carisi? Shit, did she change her last name? He couldn't remember. It probably didn't matter right now anyway. He'd ask Liv later.
"Hey," she smiled and he noticed she had one of her girls in tow.
"Hey," he answered and stepped aside, "come on in."
He had literally no idea why Amanda was here. He was fairly certain she knew Liv was at work, which meant she was here to see him, and that felt a little intimidating. He, Amanda, and Fin represented Olivia's innermost circle. He knew both Amanda and Fin carried Liv through the aftermath of his exit and the destruction of Willam Lewis. He owed her everything.
Amanda's daughter, he couldn't remember her name, plopped down on the couch like she owned the place. Elliot suspected the girl was a fearless spitfire, not unlike her mother.
"Billie," Amanda began to scold, but Elliot waved her off.
"Do you know how to work Netflix? " he asked Billie.
The little blonde girl gave him a sassy, do I look stupid, look.
"Right," Elliot chuckled, "remote's right there," he pointed to the end of the couch and she snatched it up. As she began perusing the children's section Elliot turned back to Amanda who had already sat at one of his island barstools. He joined her on the neighboring stool.
"Alright," he began, "what's up?"
She grinned, "I can't just come for a friendly visit?" He eyed her skeptically. "Okay okay, I have a reason for being here."
"And that reason is Liv," Elliot noted.
"You must be a detective or something," she teased.
"Must be," he agreed.
"Look," Amanda began, "I'm sure you know why I'm here."
"Pretty sure I do," Elliot agreed.
"I want her to be happy," Amanda began, "and I know happiness for her includes you."
She grasped his forearm, forcing his attention on her. "I know you wouldn't hurt her. At least not on purpose." She kept her gaze sure and intense, "Be careful with her. I was there through the devastation after you left, and I'm not here to rehash all that, but I can't watch her go through that again."
"She is it for me, Amanda. Honestly she was it for me 20 years ago, but I was married. It couldn't be what I wanted it to be."
"I understand that, and I respect the dedication you had for your wife and family. I just hate that it was achieved at her expense."
"I hate that too, but I promise you I'm committed here, more than I could have been before." He swallowed some rising emotion, "My commitment to her nearly trumped my marriage." She held her gaze, hoping to impress the honesty he wanted to convey. "I'm not married, my kids are grown, and so there's nothing that comes before her. Not anymore."
Amanda nodded and he hoped she understood exactly where he stood.
"I love her. I've always loved her, and I will die still loving her." He again swallowed back some emotion.
"Good." Amanda affirmed, "cuz if you screw this up I won't stop Fin when he puts a cap in your ass."
Elliot chuckled, "I figured you'd do it yourself."
"Nah, we talked about it and Fin would want that honor." She smiled wryly. "He said I have young kids and can't go to jail, and he was more likely to get away with it."
"Honestly I wouldn't put it past him." He remembered all the run-ins with Fin years ago. They now respected each other, but Elliot had no illusions over where Fin's loyalty lay. He dropped his eyes to his hands, "Thank you for taking care of her, loving her, when I couldn't." He lifted his eyes to hers again, "I owe you and Fin everything."
"Good to know. I might cash in on that debt with some free babysitting," she said cheekily.
"Done." He smiled, "I have successfully kept five kids alive."
"Yeah," she let out a self-deprecating laugh, "but you haven't experienced hurricane Billie."
"What? She is so sweet!"
"That's how she gets you. She sucks you in with her cuteness, but girl is wild." Amanda gave a side eye in the direction of her beautiful daughter
"I had one of those. Kathleen was our sunshine, but that girl was a force of nature, still is." He smiled.
"What am I?" Kathleen asked as she sauntered into the kitchen.
"Our resident wild child," Elliot teased.
She dug through the cabinets, looking for a mug, "Hey, I turned out great."
"Sure Katie, but I'm pretty sure you're the reason I no longer have hair."
She laughed, "Probably true." She turned her attention to Amanda, "I'm Kathleen, but I'm sure you figured that out."
"I figured," Amanda smiled, "Amanda Rollins."
"Oh! You work with Olivia right?" Kathleen asked with her typical enthusiasm.
"I used to." Amanda smiled sadly, "I got shot, similar placement as your dad's." She shrugged her shoulders, "It was time to retire. My girls need their mom."
"Can't argue with that," Kathleen agreed. She turned towards Elliot with a smirking smile, "See Dad, it's possible to retire." She rolled her eyes, "Especially after you get yourself shot."
"Ha ha, good one Katie." He nearly rolled his eyes back at her.
Just then Billie tugged on her mom's shirt. "I sat quietly and didn't interrupt," she folded her arms. "You promised ice cream."
Amanda rolled her eyes, "See what I mean. Girl's gonna give me gray hair." She stood and took Billie's hand. "We should go." The started to walk towards the door before Amanda turned, "I'm not kidding about the whole Fin thing."
"Oh I know you're not." Elliot chuckled.
"Just making sure," she smiled, "See you guys later." She led Billie out the door and it clicked behind her.
"What was that about," Kathleen asked while finally drinking her coffee.
"It was the 'If you hurt my best friend I'll kill you' chat."
"Ah," Kathleen nodded. "Well here's one from your daughter. If you hurt Liv in any way I will personally," she smiled slyly, "call Amanda or Fin. I'm pretty sure they have a good idea of how to commit a murder and never get caught."
"Is anyone on my side?" Elliot questioned in fake exasperation.
Kathleen laughed. "We're talking about Olivia Benson. Everyone's on her side."
"I wouldn't want it any other way."