Disclaimer: Everything belongs to The Marvel Universe except for my characters Sophie and Jeremy – they are my own creations and are not meant to resemble anyone else's OCs in any way.

A/N: Originally I had been thinking that the flashbacks would only take up the first three chapters or so. But as I'm writing this, I can see that there is going to be a lot more than that (what's new, right? I always seem to under estimate these things.) So essentially the story is going to have two arcs. The first will be through flashbacks. The second arc will be once we catch up to present day (and things REALLY pick up!). I guess in a way this is turning into a slow burn after all — I just can't help myself lol.

Anyhoo, this is a pretty intense chapter that I actually have been looking forward to doing and really enjoyed writing because I'm crazy and I love angst. So PLEASE leave a review at the end!

As always, thank you to everyone who has supported me through favorites, follows, and REVIEWS! Love you all.

***TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF AND ALLUSIONS TO TORTURE***

Chapter 4: Stay

~ Present Day ~

Sophie pulled on the balconette bra that pushed her breasts up in just the right way, giving her a full extra cup size. The sheer black lace stopped just low enough so that the tops of her nipples peaked out teasingly. Grabbing up the matching panties, she quickly slipped them on, their high waist giving her a decidedly pin up appearance. She looked at herself in the full length mirror. Despite all of her fears and worries, Sophie couldn't help the small shiver of excitement that coiled within her. She trusted Bucky implicitly. He was her best friend and a gentleman in the best way possible. Sophie knew without a doubt that he would take care with her.

Letting out a nervous breath, she reached for her eyeliner but then paused. She had no idea what Bucky liked, she realized. In the time that they'd been friends, he'd dated his fair share of women. But she supposed that she'd never really paid any attention to what they looked like. Some of them he'd been set up with and others he'd asked out on his own. Thinking back, she could say that he did not enjoy a women who over did it with her appearance. If she had to describe his type of woman, she'd say dark hair and a natural, classic beauty. Considering his past, she supposed that made sense. Deciding to play on the 1940's look he probably preferred, she went with a more subtle eyeliner, a coat of mascara, some light blush, and a nice red lip to finish it off. Pulling her hair free of its braid, she let it tumble down in soft waves, landing a few inches below her collarbone. Sophie stared at herself in the mirror, both impressed by her handiwork and excruciatingly nervous at the sight of herself.

This is it. This is what he's going to see…and hopefully he'll like it enough to say yes.

…

~2 Years Ago~

The second time she spent the night with Bucky, he'd asked her to stay and there was absolutely no way Sophie could say no. It came just three months after her first sleepover at his place. It was Friday afternoon and she was walking to the subway after work when her phone rang.

*Hey Ms. Senior Analyst! How was your first day?!*

"It was pretty good! Felt kind of surreal actually. I'm one step closer to prattling in your ear as you risk your life on missions," Sophie laughed into the phone.

*And who says I'd agree to have you assigned to me?*

She could practically hear him smirking through the phone, but the comment still made her pause. A sudden feeling of uncertainty filling her chest like a heavy stone.

*Soph. I can hear you worrying through the phone. You know I wouldn't dare let them pair you with anyone else. Except maybe Nat. She can have you when I'm off.*

Sophie smiled, "I know. Anyway, it was all mostly training stuff today. And that will continue next week as well. I won't really get to dive in until the week after so nothing really exciting to tell just yet."

*I don't know why they're bothering with the training. You could probably teach the people training you.*

"Maybe so. But that's the protocol. And I don't mind a week of reprieve from duty. Anyway, tell me about your date last night! How'd it go? Sam set this up, right?"

*Ughhh," Bucky groaned loudly through the phone. "It was awful.*

"Do you think maybe you're being a bit dramatic? Are you sure you're really giving these women a chance? They can't all be that bad."

*Believe me, I'm not being dramatic. I think Sam set us up as a joke.*

"No way. Now you are definitely being dramatic."

*Sophie, it was so bad she triggered one of my migraines. My head still hurts today.*

"Well shit. Did you take anything?"

*Of course I did. But it hasn't kicked in yet.*

"How long ago did you take it?"

A pause stretched between them before he replied.

*This morning. I probably waited too long, should have taken something last night.*

She could practically hear the grimace in his voice, causing her anxiety to spike. She knew Bucky and she knew how he downplayed it when he was in pain. His migraines were no exception.

"Bucky, it's already past five…"

*I know. I think I just need to sleep it off. I'll be fine.*

"Do you want me to bring you some dinner?"

There was a moment's silence on the other end and for a split second she thought she'd lost him on the subway.

*Are you sure Jeremy would be ok with that?*

Sophie felt the irritation work its way up her spine.

"He's out of town. But even if he wasn't, there's nothing wrong with bringing my friend some food when he's not feeling good."

*Ok then, sure. That would be nice. Just something that'll be easy on the stomach. I'm not sure I can handle anything more tonight.*

"Yeah ok. No problem," she responded softly, the wariness creeping into her voice.

*I'll leave the door unlocked. Try to be quiet when you come in. I think I'm going to go-ahead and lay down.*

"Ok. I'll see you in a bit."

*See you soon Soph.*

…

Bucky hung up the phone and rubbed his forehead between his brows. He walked slowly to his front door and flipped the lock. Then turned around and trudged back to his bedroom, turning off all the lights and closing the curtains as he went.

Maybe it was a bad idea letting her come over. What if this gets worse?

He groaned slightly as he yanked off his long-sleeved tee and joggers, crawling into bed in nothing but his burgundy boxer briefs.

Hopefully she won't stay long. She'll just drop off the food, I'll tell her I'm feeling better, and she'll go.

But the headache only grew as the minutes ticked by. His temples throbbed and he was starting to see the visual aura dance in zig zags in front of his eyes. Groaning he pressed his forehead into his pillow. That was never a good sign. His worst headaches were always accompanied by the visual symptoms of migraines. His stomach flipped at the thought of what was to come and he knew he needed to get some help over. Reaching for his phone, Bucky navigated to his favorites, eyes watering from the brightness of the screen despite it being fully dimmed. His thumb hovering over Steve's name.

"Shit. He left for a mission this morning," he muttered to himself.

His eyes darted to Sam's name instead. But just as he was about to press it to make the call, he was hit by an intense wave of nausea. Tossing the phone down, he lurched out of bed, nearly falling over as his feet tangled in the blankets. Stumbling slightly, he just managed to make it to the bathroom before his stomach emptied itself into the toilet. He groaned and slowly lowered himself down to the floor. Another wave crashed over him and Bucky tipped forward, vomiting violently. The pain in his head was spreading. His entire skull hurt and his eyes throbbed. He tried to breathe through his nose to quell the nausea, but he knew it was no use. This misery would last hours, if not days. His stomach churned and he vomited yet again, his back and neck muscles straining against the assault on his body. And then he felt it, the dizziness was starting — something akin to vertigo that made it near impossible for him to stand. Moaning pathetically, he draped himself over the toilet, praying for it to stop quickly.

…

Stepping out of the subway, Sophie began the short walk to her apartment at a fast clip. Bucky's voice at the end of their conversation left her uneasy. He was trying not to let on just how bad he felt, but she knew better. Walking inside, she quickly threw off her work clothes, pulling on some jeans, a light sweater and knee high boots. She grabbed a jacket to protect herself against the late October cold and was outside again in less than ten minutes. She walked as swiftly as she could until at last, Sophie arrived at Bucky's favorite deli. Ordering some soup and sandwiches, she stood by the counter, foot tapping impatiently. She snatched up the food the second it was ready and headed back outside. Her feet carried her quickly down the street as she allowed herself to admire New York City in the autumn. It was her favorite time of year and she adored all the fall and Halloween decorations in shop windows and apartment balconies.

A breath of relief escaped Sophie's lips once she'd finally reached her destination. Bucky had left the door open, just as he'd said he would. She walked inside, eyes darting around uncertainly as they took in the dark and quiet space. Drifting over to his kitchen, she hesitated as she wondered if she should just put his food in the fridge. Finally deciding that was the best route, she put everything up and then slipped off her boots, ready to creep into his bedroom to check on him. But before she made it over, she heard a moan and the sound of retching coming from the bathroom. Sprinting over, she threw the door open and flipped on the lights.

"TURN THEM OFF!" Bucky shouted at her as the light threw bolts of pain through his head like a stabbing knife.

He was kneeling on the hard tile, both hands gripping the porcelain with white-knuckled intensity. Sophie could see a sheen of sweat covering his back before she flicked the lights off again. Suddenly throwing himself forward, Bucky's head knocked into the toilet lid as he heaved, his stomach twisting painfully as it attempted to empty the last bit of contents. She jumped into action, yanking the hair tie out of her own hair to grab his up. Pulling it back, she twisted it into a messy ponytail as he continued to dry heave. Grabbing a washcloth out of the linen closet just outside the bathroom, she wet it down with cold water and pressed it against his sweaty neck. She could feel the tension in the muscles beneath her hand as he continued to vomit uncontrollably. At last, he released a groan and sank down to the floor. His back rested against the cold bathtub as he laid his head down on his forearms which remained draped over the toilet. Bucky squeezed his eyes tight against the dizziness.

"What can I do?" She asked him softly, unable to hide the fear and worry in her voice. "Didn't you say that Tony has an on call doctor for you guys? Should I call him?"

"No," Bucky murmured. "No doctor."

Although he hated to admit it, ever since his time with Zola, Bucky had developed a phobia of sorts around doctors. Everything about the experience of seeing one triggered him. It takes every ounce of willpower that he has to keep himself from either having a full blown panic attack or lashing out in fearful anger when he has to be examined. Rationally, he knew that calling Dr. Oppenheimer was a good idea. He had assisted him throughout the years during multiple migraine attacks. But each time, Bucky resisted summoning him, the illogical fear taking over.

"Tell me what to do then Bucky. How can I help you? I don't know what to do," she panic whispered to him.

Bucky sat somewhat upright supported fully against the tub. He shook his head back and forth at her causing Sophie to scrunch her brows in confusion.

"Maybe let's try to get you to bed. Come on."

She squatted down and reached for his vibranium arm, tugging lightly at first, then harder. But try as she might, there was no way she was going to be able to pull him off the floor.

"No," he ground out hoarsely. "Water."

Darting up, she walked quickly to the kitchen and pulled out a cold bottle of water from the fridge. Running back to Bucky, she handed it to him only to watch him struggle to open it. His hands were shaking and try as he might, he could not get a good enough grip. Sophie watched him teeter slightly before she knelt before him and untwisted the cap, then assisted him in bringing the bottle to his lips. His eyes were open a crack and he watched her face as she helped him. He gulped down several large sips before lowering the bottle back down to the floor. Sophie took it from him and set it aside.

"Thanks," he murmured.

"What now? I can't get you off the floor by myself."

Bucky wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. She watched as he began to breathe heavily through his nose. A pained expression came over his face and he dug the heels of his hands into his eye sockets.

"Oh fuck me!"

He lurched forward so quickly that Sophie fell backwards on her behind in shock. Grabbing the sides of the toilet he vomited up all the water he'd just had. At last he took several deep breaths and she thought he was done. But not a minute later, he started dry heaving again, nothing left in his stomach to come up.

"Make it stop…" he whimpered quietly.

"I don't know how!" Sophie cried back, nearly on the verge of tears.

She felt lost and helpless. She'd never witnessed Bucky like this. He was always the strong and solid one, always her rock. To see him suffering and so wrecked pained her. She watched as he reached out with shaking hands and flushed the toilet. Then slowly slid all the way down to the floor until he was resting on the hard ground. Screwing his eyes shut he pressed his forehead against the cold tile. Making up her mind, Sophie pulled out her phone. She stepped just outside of the bathroom and called Sam.

*Hey baby! What's shakin?*

"Sam. I need you."

She was trying to keep her voice level but she couldn't keep the anxiety out of it. Even she could hear the wobble as she spoke.

*What's wrong? What happened?*

"I'm at Bucky's. He's got a migraine and he won't stop vomiting. I can't get him off the floor. I don't know what to do."

Her voice cracked at the end and she took a deep breath to steady herself.

You can't break down now. Bucky needs you. It's your turn to be strong for him.

*I'm on my way.*

…

Fifteen minutes later, Sam came storming into the apartment. He strode to the bathroom with quick and sure steps. Walking inside, he found Sophie kneeling beside Bucky trying to soothe him as he retched forcefully.

"How long has he been like this?" He asked quietly.

"I don't know. He's been throwing up non-stop since I got here and that was half an hour ago."

Sam motioned for her to move and stepped up to Bucky in her stead.

"Have you called Dr. Oppenheimer yet?"

"No. He told me not to."

He whipped around and stared at her incredulously.

"Oh fuck that!"

Bucky groaned at the louder volume of his voice. Sam pulled his phone out and dialed the doctor's number.

"Here, it's ringing. Tell him what's going on and that we need him over here ASAP."

He handed Sophie the phone as he knelt down beside Bucky and she disappeared out into the hall to do as she'd been instructed. Laying a calming hand between his shoulder blades, Sam spoke softly.

"Hey man. You get it all out now?"

Bucky brought his head up a fraction and looked at him through heavily lidded eyes. He gave a curt nod.

"Ok. Come on then. I'm going to help you up and into bed."

A small whimper escaped Bucky's lips at the thought of moving. He shook his head in protest as Sam pulled his vibranium arm over his shoulder, ready to haul him up.

"You'll feel better in bed. I promise."

Sophie stepped back inside the bathroom.

"He's on his way. What else can I do?"

"Bring a bowl from the kitchen. I'm going to put him to bed."

"Ok."

She darted back out.

"Noooo…" Bucky groaned loudly as Sam pulled him to his feet.

His eyes opened slightly as he stood up. Then the world tilted on it's axis and he pitched sideways. Unable to fully support Bucky's solid weight, they began to stumble. Sophie reemerged right at that moment. She gasped, then quickly ducked under Bucky's other arm to lend support. Finally able to right themselves, Sam and Sophie half guided and half dragged him to his bedroom. Rolling him over onto the bed, Sam picked up his feet and then threw the blanket on top. Bucky moaned. His headache was now radiating down his neck and the intense dizziness and nausea from moving was nearly unbearable. He rolled onto his stomach and pressed his face into the pillow, willing the world to be still. Sophie stepped up to him and pulled the hair tie out from the ponytail that had come undone. She ran her hand soothingly up and down his spine until at last, his breathing evened out. She turned to look at Sam.

"I think he's asleep."

Sam nodded at her and motioned to leave the room. They walked out, leaving the door cracked slightly.

"Fuck. It's been so long since he's had an episode this bad," Sam breathed out once they were seated together on the couch.

"How often does this happen?!" She asked in horror.

Sam gazed blankly at the closed window.

"Not that often anymore. It's probably been about a year since he had one like this."

Sophie scrunched her face up in confusion.

"Where was I?"

"I think you were back in D.C. visiting family at that time."

"He never told me," she said quietly.

"I'm not surprised. He doesn't really like to talk about it and most people don't know. Reminds him too much of his torture I think. Steve and I are the only ones that have really seen him when it's been this bad."

"How long does it last?"

"Depends. It he gets meds in quickly enough, maybe 24 hours. If not…"

"My God, how long can it go?"

"Well the worst one that I've seen was about…maybe three or four years ago. He used to get them like clock work, every four months. He said it started when he was on the run. Must be because he was no longer being put in a cryogenic sleep or having his mind wiped. Anyway, I remember he said he'd taken his meds as usual but the headache just kept growing. So we called Dr. Oppenheimer. Most of the time he can give some extra meds to help quiet the symptoms. Give him some relief. After that, Bucky just has to tough it out until it passes on its own. But that time, the doc was out of town with Tony. He tried to call in some stuff but the pharmacy said it was on backorder everywhere…"

Sam paused and shook his head in dismay. Taking a deep breath he looked over at Sophie warily.

"This shit lasted three full days. He was throwing up constantly. Couldn't eat, couldn't keep water down, couldn't walk. Hell, he couldn't stand without falling sideways. The doc had to walk me through how to start an IV so he didn't get completely dehydrated. Luckily I had some basic medical field training from the military. But…it was bad. It was really bad. Steve and I took turns staying with him round the clock. I remember at one point, he grabbed his head and started screaming in complete agony. He just kept saying 'No more. No more. No more.' Over and over. I thought he meant 'no more of this shit.' But later, when he'd had a reprieve in the symptoms he'd told me that he had been in so much pain he'd thought he was back in the chair."

"Back in…the chair?" Sophie echoed uncertainly.

"Yeah. You know, the electroshock chair," Sam blurted out thoughtlessly.

Sophie's stomach dropped.

"I'm sorry…the what?"

Sam stared at her blankly for a moment.

"He never told you any of it…did he?" He asked slowly.

She shook her head in the negative. Taking a deep breath through his nose, Sam let it out slowly.

"Honestly, I don't know all the details and a lot of what I do know is from his trial. Hell, I don't think even Steve knows everything that happened to Bucky when he was a POW. He never talks about it… I think there are some things that were so horrible and dark that he'd never dare utter them aloud. But I do know he went to hell and back more times than we could ever count."

Sophie sat stock still as she listened to Sam. She craved to have this knowledge but at the same time desperately wanted him to stop talking.

"One of the forms of torture that they used on him was electrocution. Both when they were attempting to break him and then later on to wipe him between missions. The doc once said that he's nearly positive that that's what caused these traumatic migraines since the electric shocks were concentrated on the head."

A shudder when down Sophie's spine.

"Bucky endured more than any man ever should. More than most men could. Truthfully, probably more than I could. He said he fought it for months, going through the electroshocks basically on the daily. And you know how damn stubborn and loyal he is. Imagine how much they must have tortured him until they broke him at last."

Lead had settled deep in her chest and belly, weighing her down. Sophie didn't want to imagine it. She didn't want to think of the kind, gentle and selfless man she'd come to know going through something like that. But that was his reality, his history. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of retching. They both shot up to their feet and scrambled for the bedroom. Bucky was sitting up, clutching the bowl that Sophie had set beside him. She noted an empty water bottle on the nightstand as he proceeded to vomit back up its contents. She perched on the bed beside him and helped brace him upright as he continued to heave. Calming down at last, he breathed heavily as she wiped his mouth with a tissue. Sam removed the bowl from his shaking hands just as they heard a knock on the door.

"I'll get it," he muttered.

Sophie helped Bucky slowly lower back down to the pillows. He rolled back over onto his stomach again and closed his eyes before grabbing a second pillow and throwing it over his head. The doctor walked in at that moment, pausing in the doorway.

"Has he taken any meds yet?" He asked, glancing back at Sam.

Sam looked over at Sophie, brows raised.

"This morning," she answered softly.

"That's it?"

"That's all he told me."

"How bad is it?"

"As bad as ever, doc," Sam chimed in. "Constant vomiting. Can't even keep water down."

"Does he seem dizzy as well?"

"Can't stand up straight," Sam continued.

Dr. Oppenheimer shook his head in understanding as he proceeded to set up his equipment. He brought in a large metal pole from which he hung a bag of lactated Ringer's. Sophie watched in fascination as he connected tubes and a butterfly needle. He set out swabs and bandages, followed by a stethoscope and pill bottle.

"Alright Sergeant Barnes, I need your arm to start an IV."

Sophie wasn't sure if Bucky didn't realize that he had offered up his vibranium arm or if he was so out of it that he'd forgotten that he had a vibranium arm. Either way, the doctor gave a small sigh before shaking his head lightly.

"Your other arm, Sergeant."

Bucky groaned as he pulled the pillow off his head and rolled over onto his back, holding his right arm out, palm up. The doctor quickly started an IV drip, taping it in place. Then he pulled on the stethoscope, listening to his heart and checking his pulse. He had Sam assist in bringing Bucky upright so he could check his lungs. Satisfied with his quick examination, he pulled the stethoscope off and grabbed the pill bottle. Bucky swayed dangerously where he sat.

"I have a new medication for you. It's an abortive," he popped the bottle open and pulled out a single tablet. "Open your mouth, this dissolves under the tongue."

Bucky did as he was told. Then Sam eased him back down.

"It'll take about an hour to kick in. Honestly, it probably won't completely resolve a migraine of this magnitude but it will help. You can go ahead and take two Aleve every six hours as well once the nausea subsides. I'm going to call in a prescription for that right now. Take it easy and try to rest. With any luck, you'll feel much better in the morning. I'll be back then. Call me if it gets worse."

His last comment was directed at the two friends. The doctor packed up his stuff and left just as swiftly as he'd arrived. Sophie sat at the edge of the bed, watching Bucky.

"Well that was interesting."

Sam's phone buzzed and he read the text quickly.

"I hate to do this to you, but I have to go. Tony's calling in a few of us for an emergency meeting."

Bucky's phone went off a moment later. Sam picked it up, noting the same text from Tony.

"I'll have to let him know that Bucky's going to sit this one out," he sighed.

"Don't worry about it Sam. I can handle it from here. Thanks for coming, you were a huge help. I don't know what I would have done without you actually."

"Any time. But you would have figured it out. I have no doubt."

She gave him a wane smile as he stood up.

"Let me know how he's doing later, ok?"

"Sure thing."

Once Sam left, she turned back to Bucky. He was still, as if asleep, but his chest was heaving too hard for that. She knew he was attempting to keep the nausea at bay.

"Which pharmacy do you use? I'll go get your meds. Is it the one on the corner?"

Bucky had his arm draped over his eyes but she could still make out the minute nod of his head.

"I'll be right back."

…

Twenty minutes later she had returned. It took the pharmacy a painfully long amount of time to fill the prescription and no amount of cajoling from Sophie could get them to move faster. When she'd returned, it was obvious that Bucky had vomited again. She cleaned up the bowl, then read the instructions on the medication.

"Let me have it," Bucky croaked. "I know how to take it."

She did as he asked and placed the tablet in his palm. Bucky let the mediation dissolve on his tongue, then relaxed back on the pillows, turning his body towards her. Sophie watched him for several minutes before standing up. At this point it was already 8:30 and she was both starving and needed to pee really badly. She'd only managed a half step before Bucky's metal fingers wrapped gently around her wrist. Pausing, she turned around to look at him.

"Stay," he breathed out. "Please stay."

Her heart lurched into her throat. The way he was looking at her and the way he said those words sent a feeling tumbling through her that she didn't want to examine too closely.

"I wasn't leaving," she told him softly. "Just getting some food and using the bathroom."

He looked mildly relieved as his fingers slipped away, coming to rest back on the mattress.

"Do you think you could eat a little?"

He shook his head no.

"Ok. Well I'll be right back. Shout if you need me."

Bucky gave her a small nod and then closed his eyes.

…

Sophie ate quickly and then quietly walked back into the bedroom. Bucky seemed to be asleep, though his brow was still furrowed in pain. She stood there watching him, debating on whether or not to actually stay the night. She sighed.

You promised. And aside from that…could you actually leave him alone like this? No. The answer is no, definitely not. What if he wakes up at night and needs you and you're not there?

That thought alone horrified her, twisting her heart painfully with the knowledge that he'd already suffered through so many of these episodes alone.

'He used to get them like clock work, every four months. He said it started when he was on the run.'

'… he fought it for months, going through the electroshocks basically on the daily.'

'Imagine how much they must have tortured him until they broke him at last.'

Sam's comments echoed in her mind. Letting out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, she turned to the bathroom. Rummaging under Bucky's sink, Sophie found a new toothbrush and proceeded to get ready for bed. But once she was done she was presented with another dilemma. All she had were the clothes on her back and she didn't relish the idea of spending the night in jeans and her push up bra. Making a face, Sophie crept into the closet and began opening drawers. Finally finding what she was looking for, she stripped down to her underwear and pulled on one of Bucky's white undershirts. She grabbed a pair of gym shorts but there was no way she could make them stay up. They were so large around her waist she was sure she could fit two of herself inside them, if not more. Groaning, she looked around for an alternative but came up empty handed. Sophie glanced down at her legs. The shirt was so large it came down to about mid thigh.

I have dresses this length…and he's seen me in a bikini. This should be fine.

But her stomach still knotted at the thought of him seeing her dressed in nothing but his t-shirt and panties. Seeing no other alternative, she decided to leave her clothes on the floor and scampered to the bed. Quickly crawling underneath the covers, she turned on her side and faced Bucky. She watched his face intently. The only signs of distress coming from an occasional whimper or furrow of the brow. At last, she drifted off to sleep just as the clock ticked to 10pm.

…

(Human — Swanky Tunes)

Sophie startled awake to the sound of retching. Bolting upright, her eyes darted to the clock which blinked 12:37am at her. Bucky sat beside her, clutching the bowl as he threw up forcefully. She scooted closer and brushed the hair out of his face as her other hand began to rub up and down his back. A strangled whimper escaped his lips as he had a moment of reprieve before he was hit with another wave. At last he seemed to be done. Sophie grabbed a tissue and gently wiped his mouth. Then, after removing the bowl from his death grip, she offered him some water. He took the bottle hesitantly and with shaking hands. She washed out the bowl and replaced it within his reach before crawling back into bed.

They both lay on their sides in silence, facing one another. Then ever so slowly, Bucky reached out and grasped her hand in his. Sophie squeezed gently and he squeezed back, the warmth of her skin seeping into his clammy palm. They continued to quietly lay together like that for several long minutes before she opened her arms up to him. Letting go of her hand, Bucky scooted into her embrace without hesitation. He slid his vibranium arm under her lower back and laid his head down on her chest. His other arm reached around her middle, caging Sophie in. She draped her right arm over his neck and shoulders and gripped his bicep with her other hand, lending him support and comfort in the only way she knew how. The silence stretched on between them, but neither one felt the need to fill the void.

Bucky shut his eyes and breathed steadily through his nose. Although some of the dizziness had subsided and he no longer had the visual aura dancing before his eyes, his head continued to throb in the worst way imaginable. He listened to the steady and rhythmic thump of Sophie's heartbeat, willing it to calm him. But despite his best efforts, he couldn't help the small whimper that escaped his lips as another painful stab jolted through his brain as if being shocked. He felt Sophie's grip on him tighten.

"It feels like they're drilling into my skull all over again," he whispered miserably into her shirt.

Again.

The implications of that one word made Sophie feel sick. It was one more piece to the gruesome puzzle that was Bucky's pre-Soldier history. The more pieces that she had, the more Sophie was starting to wish she could go back to ignorant bliss. But Bucky was continuing to suffer even after enduring all that pain. So she would shoulder the knowledge, if sharing would ease his burden just a little.

"I'm so sorry James," Sophie whispered back.

Her right hand shifted until she could tangle her fingers in his hair. She began to gently press and massage his scalp, hoping to alleviate the headache. Her fingers continued to move slowly down, massaging his neck and then back up again. Bucky hummed at her ministrations.

"That feels nice," he murmured.

Finally, she felt his muscles relax and his breath even out as he fell back asleep. But Sophie continued to lay there, wide awake and staring up at the dark ceiling. Try as she might, she couldn't stop her mind from dissecting the new details of his torture. She couldn't suppress the unwanted images that danced before her eyes.

How? How can human beings be so fucking cruel? How could anyone find pleasure in hurting someone else so badly?

She took a shaky breath and blinked quickly, attempting to hold back the wetness that had developed in her eyes. Turning her head, she placed a soft kiss atop Bucky's crown before snuggling further into his arms. She felt his arms tighten slightly around her as she drifted off to sleep at last.

…

Sophie woke up feeling extremely comfortable. A sensation of warmth and safety enveloped her as a pleasant heaviness weighed her down. But something was off. There was a noise, an incessant and extremely annoying vibrating sound that was pulling her out of whatever pleasant dream she'd been having. She fought it, clutching at the shreds of unconscious bliss. But to no avail. She came awake with a soft groan. Turning her head, her eyes caught the image of Jeremy flash on her phone screen before it went silent.

"Shit."

She turned back to look at Bucky. He'd shifted slightly so she could just make out the smooth planes of his face. He seemed to be fast asleep still. Sophie sighed and took a moment to snuggle back into him. She was happy to see him sleeping peacefully at last. He'd woken her up twice more the previous night. Once to vomit again, the second time moaning and writhing in pain. Somewhere around 4am the migraine seemed to have eased at last and they fell asleep with Bucky holding her again. Her phone began to vibrate against the nightstand once more. She cursed softly under her breath, loath to wake Bucky up by moving. But she had no choice. She began to slowly shift until at last she slipped out from under him, putting a pillow down in her place. Sophie grabbed up the phone and darted to the other side of his large bedroom, the door being far too loud to risk opening.

"Hey Jeremy!"

She spoke into the phone at a volume that she hoped seemed normal enough.

*Hey baby. Did I wake you? It's already nine.*

"Yeah, sorry. I slept in this morning. Anyway, how's Upstate? How's the listing going?"

*Oh it's awesome. You'd love this place. It's literally everything you adore about fall all rolled into one. The beautiful leaves, pumpkins everywhere, horses, hay rides. It's been a pretty fun stay. But I guess that's why the owners invited me.*

"Sounds pretty nice for sure."

*It is. It's so nice…Sophie, I'm thinking about buying it…for us.*

"Wait, what? Isn't it like $8 mil?"

*Ten, actually.*

"Jeremy, what on Earth would we do with a horse farm? As much as I love everything you mentioned, I'm a city girl."

He sighed into the phone.

*Yeah, yeah. I know, you're right. It was a stupid idea. Maybe we can just do a long weekend getaway around here soon.*

"Sure."

*Anyway, I'm on my way back already. Think you can wait an hour on breakfast? I wanted to take you to that place on the pier that you love.*

"Yeah, that sounds great."

*Ok. I'll pick you up in about an hour then. Love you.*

Her stomach flipped, but not in a pleasant way. She knew she needed to say the words but they stuck in her mouth like peanut butter until she finally forced them through her lips.

"Love you too."

Then she hung up. Sophie sighed and rested her head against the thick glass of the atelier window. She gently pulled back a bit of the curtain and peered down at the city below, already alive with activity, or maybe it never stopped to begin with. She toyed with her phone as she thought back to their breakup and subsequent reconciliation. A few weeks after he'd broken up with her, Jeremy had texted asking if he could come over to talk. When he showed up at her door, he brought flowers along with the contrite face he wore. He'd said all the right things. He told Sophie how sorry he was about the things he'd said and that he'd just over reacted. He missed her and wasn't ready for it to end. And then he'd dropped it, those three little words. Jeremy told Sophie that he loved her and he didn't want something silly like her friendship with Bucky to come between them. But the thing was, she didn't feel like her friendship with Bucky was silly. She considered turning him down then, but for some reason she couldn't bring herself to do it.

She really did care for Jeremy and in so many ways he was such a good guy and a good fit for her. She could work around this, she thought. And as she looked into Jeremy's beautiful hazel eyes pleading for forgiveness, she knew what he wanted to hear from her. They'd been together for a year and a half now and it was time. It was time for her to say it to him because she loved Jeremy too…but was she in love with him? If she didn't say it back, how would they proceed from there? At the end of the day, a large part of Sophie wanted to see where this relationship could go and she wasn't ready for it to end either. She was sure, that given time, she could fall in love with him. Though now a small part in the dark recesses of her mind wondered if she stayed with him out of fear of being alone again. Sophie sighed. A moment later she nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard Bucky's voice suddenly rasp quietly from behind her.

"Jeremy?"

She wasn't quite sure if it was a question or a statement. Turning around to face him, she found Bucky still laying in the exact same position she'd left him in. His red-rimmed eyes looked wary and his face was etched with fatigue.

"Yeah," she answered as she tucked a strand of her auburn hair behind her ear.

"You have to go."

This time Sophie was certain it wasn't a question. She approached the bed slowly.

"Yes."

His eyes closed for a beat too long to be a normal blink before locking back with hers. He nodded minutely.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better. The migraine is still there but bearable."

"Still feeling nauseous?"

"No," he lied.

"Still dizzy?"

"Sophie," he smiled lightly at her. "I'm ok. You can go."

She made a face, her stomach twisting. She felt at war with herself. A large part didn't want to leave, but the other part knew she should.

"Dr. Oppenheimer should be coming by soon to take the IV out and check on me. I'll be fine."

"With all the experience you have patching yourself up, you can't take that thing out yourself?"

His lips curved into a slow smile.

"Of course I can. But I like to humor the good doctor. Besides, he needs his equipment back."

Sophie laughed as she crossed her arms over her chest. Suddenly realizing what she was wearing, she felt her face burn with embarrassment. Eyes widening she darted out of sight to change. She heard Bucky laugh from the bedroom.

"You're ridiculous," he called after her.

"I'll call you tonight to check on you," she hollered from the closet. "And text me later too. Let me know how you're doing."

"Yes mom," came his muffled response.

Sophie stuck her head back in the bedroom and found Bucky on his stomach, face pressed into the pillow. She frowned, her heart squeezing painfully at the thought of leaving him alone right now.

"And don't forget I left you some food in the fridge. There's soup and your favorite sandwich. But I can make you some eggs or oatmeal or something before I go."

She stood at the foot of his bed now, watching him.

"I'm fine," he mumbled.

"Ok," she said quietly.

Sophie turned to leave, opening his creaking bedroom door and walking through. Her hand had just dropped from the knob when she heard his soft voice call out to her.

"Sophie?"

"Hm?"

She turned back around to find him propped up on his elbows. He was watching her with a gaze that was so forlorn she nearly came back to him.

"Thank you. For everything."

She swallowed hard and nodded.

"You're my friend Bucky — my best friend. You never have to thank me. I'll always be there for you."

He watched as she exited the bedroom and walked down the hall. He heard his front door open and then the click of it shutting behind her. Promptly reaching over for the bowl, Bucky vomited hard.

…

There was a soft murmur coming from across the room, pulling Bucky out of his blessedly dreamless slumber. He cracked his eyes open and the sight that greeted him almost made his heart stop. Sophie stood beside the oversized windows, hip cocked, knee bent, balancing her left leg on the ball of her foot. She was on the phone and didn't notice him wake. He was breathless as his eyes roved over her body. Milky legs seemed to go on for days under his white undershirt that she wore. There was a sliver of sun creeping in from behind the curtain and it hit her in such a way that set her hair aflame and highlighted the curve of what he could tell was a bare breast beneath the shirt. He swallowed thickly.

Then Bucky heard her utter those words that felt like a cold shower. He blinked a few times, the guilt and shame rising up in him with a fury. This was Sophie. What the hell was he doing ogling her like that? This was his friend who spent half of yesterday and most of last night taking care of him, wiping vomit off his mouth. But something about hearing her say those words twisted inside him like a knife. He knew that she cared about Jeremy, but to hear her say that she loved him was something else entirely. Personally, he didn't understand it. Sure, they had their commonalities, but at their very cores, they didn't seem to match. But she said he made her happy, so what more could Bucky ask for?

He watched the various emotions play out on her face as she got lost in thought, gazing out the window. Though the conversation seemed harmless from her end, there was clearly something about it that upset her. The urge to walk over and hold her was so strong it shook him. He suppressed it as he took a deep breath through his nose, feeling a new wave of nausea come up. The migraine had subsided considerably, but a dull throb remained wrapped around his skull and behind his eyes. He was fairly certain that at this point he would be able to sit and stand without toppling over, but he felt weak and exhausted.

Finally deciding to make Sophie aware of him, he spoke up. His voice came out hoarse and raspy from the lack of water and profuse vomiting. She startled as she turned to him, a clear indication that she'd been completely lost in her thoughts. Bucky wanted to ask her what was on her mind but refrained. Surprise flooded his brain at the disappointment he felt when she confirmed that she did, in fact, have to leave. It didn't make sense, logically he knew she'd have to go. Jeremy would be waiting. And yet, there it was. The very distinct sting of displeasure.

Another wave of nausea roiled up in his throat just as Sophie asked him about it. He knew he couldn't tell her the truth. If he he did, she wouldn't go. And then there would be renewed problems between her and Jeremy. Bucky would be damned if he was the cause of their breakup again. So he pretended everything was fine, suppressing the growing urge to purge his stomach once more.

Sophie crossed her arms over her chest and he watched a pretty flush blossom on her cheeks. The shy shifting of her eyes and sudden dash for the closet was so endearing it had Bucky chuckling. He immediately regretted the action, feeling the pulse of his migraine increase at once. Rolling onto his stomach, he pressed his face into the pillow in a desperate attempt to quell the symptoms as surreptitiously as possible. Sophie was worried about him, he could tell. But he needed her to stop mothering him or his resolve would break and he'd ask her to stay. He knew she would too. As he heard his door creak open, he flipped back around slowly and propped himself up on his elbows. The sight of her leaving caused a tangle of emotions to well up inside of him. He wanted to reach out to her but he knew he couldn't. So he called out instead.

"Sophie?"

"Hm?"

She turned back around and gazed at him with worried eyes. He didn't want her to leave, but he couldn't ask her not to go. It wouldn't be right. She'd already done so much for him, and for that he was grateful. There was no disgust, no judgment, no criticism of his manhood. It was just gentle care and concern.

"Thank you. For everything."

She swallowed hard and nodded.

"You're my friend Bucky — my best friend. You never have to thank me. I'll always be there for you."

Something about her statement hit him hard. Bucky's eyes followed her down the hallway and out of sight. He could feel the pain and nausea building and the moment he was sure she'd left the apartment he turned around and emptied his stomach. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he shoved the bowl out of the way, too tired to get up and clean it. He grabbed the pillow that Sophie had placed under him in her stead and pressed his face against it. Inhaling deeply he immediately jerked back, Sophie's scent filling his nose. Groaning, Bucky laid on his back with his right arm throw over his eyes. The feeling of jealousy that rose up in him when he heard her say 'love you too' shocked Bucky to his core. He knew that Sophie loved him as well, but just not in the way he wanted to be loved by someone. He wanted to have that one person who would always put him first. That one person…who didn't have to leave in the morning.

A/N: I make no apologies for this chapter lol. This one was long and took a lot of time and careful editing. Lots of feels that I hope translated the way I wanted them to. Please leave some feedback to help motivate me!

A big thank you goes out to my reviewers: MidnightStar, Thorunnironside, Alpinelover, Alices Rabbit, Guest, and isabetta1463! You guys keep me going!

Alices Rabbit: I was grinning as I read your review because I agree on all of the above lol.

Thorunnironside: Thank you so much! We definitely have a ways to go with these two, but I love writing the push and pull between them.

Alpinelover: Thank you :D

MidnightStar: Oh man, you're the first and only one to mention the dream and I was wondering if I'd missed the mark on it! Thank you as always for your review :)

Guest: No worries and glad you're still with me! I hate moving lol.