Plastered Paradox
Chapter 2
"Are you sure you know how to fly one of these things?" Cinder asked as the two of them stepped inside the Bullhead.
"Oh, relax," Jaune said, settling into the cockpit. "I've logged literally dozens of hours on a state-of-the-art flight sim for these things."
Cinder seemed unconvinced. He rolled her eyes, then powered on the Bullhead and turned back to her.
"See?" he asked. "If I didn't know how to fly a Bullhead, would I have been able to turn it on?"
"It says it's the power button," Cinder pointed out.
"Oh, details. Just buckle your seatbelt, already. Unless you want to stay here in Atlas?"
That was all it took for Cinder to quiet down and buckle up.
Too bad it wasn't that easy to control her back in my time, Jaune mused as he gunned the throttle on the airship.
The Bullhead began to take off unsteadily, listing from side to side before Jaune managed to get it under control. He cast a glance over his shoulder and found that Cinder looked very green.
"Hey," he called. "Don't get sick in the airship – I don't want to be flying around with your vomit on the floor for hours."
Cinder glared at him, but willed herself to swallow the bile in her throat. Once it was down, she shot him a look of pure malice.
"You're an ass," she declared, crossing her arms.
"Yeah, well, I'm still better than your stepmother," Jaune answered. "And lucky for you, you won't have to deal with me for very long – a few hours, then you'll be with some people who are actually good for you."
"If you say so."
The conversation died after that, the two of them continuing on in silence. Jaune focused on flying the airship, and Cinder ended up falling asleep. As he flew the Bullhead, Jaune ran through the events of the past day.
"Alright," he quietly said to himself. "I'm in the past. I have no idea how much events in the past can influence the future. I don't want to influence the future too much because things actually ended pretty well in the future, all things considered – the world was finally in good shape after fucking forever spent not being in good shape. I'd like to keep it that way… which is a problem, because I've already fucked everything up by possibly saving Cinder from falling in with Salem."
He let out a tired sigh. "...Okay, so much for not fucking everything up. Still, I suppose it's not all bad – saving Cinder is at least a positive change; if she's not with Salem, it means that the world is better off. Hell, Pyrrha might even be-"
He paused. "...Okay, that's weird to think about," he acknowledged. "But I won't complain if Pyrrha is still alive. If that's the one change I can make before I head back to my own time, I'll be happy with it. It should be fine, so long as I don't fuck up anything else. I've just gotta keep my head down, and-"
As if the universe had heard his plans and decided to give him a big middle finger, an alarm began to blare inside the Bullhead. Startled, Jaune looked at the control panel, trying to figure out what was happening, but unfortunately, his dozens of hours of flight simulation training hadn't prepared him for something actually going wrong between takeoff and landing.
"How could Picrosoft Flight Simulator fail me like this?!" Jaune lamented.
"Mister Jaune?!" Cinder called. "What's happening?!"
"Warning: surface-to-air missile incoming," a computerized voice chirped from the control panel.
"Surface-to-air missile?!" Cinder shouted. "Mister Jaune, do something!"
"I'm trying!" Jaune said. "And don't call me Mister Jaune!" He looked back to the control panel, going cross-eyed when he saw the various flashing lights. Shaking his head, he did the one thing he could think of.
He pounded the control panel as hard as he could.
"Launching flares," the computer said.
Jaune breathed a sigh of relief when he heard that, relieved that his monkey-brained attempts to do something had actually worked, against all odds.
"Warning: flares empty."
"Fuck right off!" Jaune said.
And that was when the missile impacted against the Bullhead. The left wing disintegrated in an instant, and the Bullhead went into a death spiral. Jaune wrestled with the controls as he tried to avoid slamming into the ground nose-first, and just before impact was made, he succeeded in wrenching the Bullhead enough to get it to skid across the ground belly-down instead. The Bullhead landed in a forest, plowing through tree after tree before finally coming to a rest. Jaune breathed a sigh of relief when the airship stopped moving.
It died when he saw movement out in the forest around him.
"Hey, Cinder?" he called. "You alright?"
He heard retching behind him. Without looking back, he said, "When you're finished throwing up, can you do me a favor and not do anything stupid?"
"What?" she asked, sounding aggravated. "What are you talking about?! You're the one who almost just got us both killed!"
"That's great and all, but I think we're about to be taken prisoner by bandits."
"Wha-"
That was as far as she got before several people came out of the treeline, all brandishing guns. With nothing else he could do, Jaune reluctantly raised his hands in surrender, and didn't resist as the bandits filed into the Bullhead and captured him and Cinder.
Jaune had known what was going on from the moment the bandits had captured him and Cinder. He knew exactly what this was – the fact that they had been flying over Mistral at the time had told him everything he'd needed to know.
He'd have identified them as the Branwen Tribe even if Raven Branwen herself hadn't been looming over him at this very moment.
Most confusingly, Raven didn't seem curious, or angry, or anything. Rather, she seemed equal parts embarrassed and really, really pissed off.
"Can I help you?" Jaune asked, confused.
Raven glared at him. "Don't play dumb," she hissed. "You know exactly what you did."
"I really don't. Mind enlightening me?"
A vein pulsed in Raven's forehead, and she grit her teeth. "You…! I can't believe you! You did all that, and somehow you don't remember it?!"
"If it happened within the last twenty-four hours, I was absolutely shitfaced," Jaune explained. "Seriously. I woke up in downtown Atlas a few hours ago with a pounding hangover and without my pants. Then I punched out Jacques Schnee, stole his literally fancy pants, burned down a hotel, absconded with a teenager in a stolen Bullhead, and now I'm here. So how about you tell me what I did?"
Raven huffed, then turned away, crossing her arms. "Vernal, explain to this pig what he did."
"You showed up in camp about a day ago, challenged everyone to a fight, and then beat them all without issue," Vernal deadpanned. "Myself included, unfortunately."
"Makes sense," Jaune said, nodding along. "I'd expect nothing less from a tribe full of inbred hicks living out in the middle of nowhere."
"It doesn't stop there," Vernal added. "After you beat up Raven, you stood over her beaten body and said something along the lines of 'And now that I've beaten you, I'm gonna take what's rightfully mine.' Then you took off your pants."
"Oh," Jaune said, his eyes widening. ".I suppose that explains what happened to my pants. Well, uh… sorry doesn't really cover something like that."
"You've got that right," Raven hissed. "Do you have any idea how long it's been since I got any?! I was ready for a strong man to ravish me!"
"I'm sorry, what?" Jaune asked. "So you're saying I didn't actually-"
"No, you didn't, despite all the flirting I did during our fight!"
"I'm confused," Jaune said.
"Raven treats fighting like a form of foreplay," Vernal explained. "If you beat her, she's happy to let you do whatever you want to her. But only if you beat her – she doesn't go for anyone else. So far, the only people who've ever been able to beat her have been her old Beacon teammates. So obviously it's been a long, long time since she's gotten any."
"I'm very pent-up!" Raven stated.
"Probably should've thought of that before you ran off on your husband and kid and let another woman move in on your territory."
Raven instantly paused, her eyes widening. "...I'm sorry, what? How do you know about me running off on my so-called family?"
"I'm a man of many talents and much knowledge, all of which comes to me through alcohol," Jaune said.
Raven rolled her eyes. "Figures. You're almost as bad as my idiot brother. Anyway, tell me about this woman who's moved in on my man."
"Is he really still your man if you ran off on him?"
Raven glared at him, and Jaune coughed awkwardly. "Right, right – forgot that I'm the one who's tied up, here. Probably shouldn't be pushing my luck so much… anyway, it's your old teammate."
Raven blinked. "...Qrow and Tai? I mean, I suppose there always was some bromance there, and Tai always did have a reputation as a himbo who'd fuck anyone with a pulse-"
"No, the other Beacon teammate," Jaune explained.
"Oh." Raven's eyes narrowed. "Well, that's a problem."
"Is it?"
"Yes. I've spent my whole adult life losing to Summer, I can't afford to lose to her again. If I'd have known that Summer would make a move on Tai… well, I still would have run off, but I probably would have taken Tai with me."
"But not your kid?"
"Don't push it," Raven warned. Shaking her head, she said, "Vernal, untie them. We have things to discuss."
Vernal nodded, then moved over to Jaune and Cinder and cut them out of their bonds. The two of them rose to their feet, Vernal and Cinder exchanging a heated glare between them in the process. It only lasted a moment before Jaune gently cuffed Cinder across the shoulder.
"Ow!" Cinder exclaimed. She turned to glare at him. "What was that for?!"
"Don't antagonize the bandits who already captured us once," Jaune chastised. "I've already caused enough trouble as-is, I don't need you making things even harder."
Vernal snickered. "Yeah, listen to your father, bitch."
"He's not my father," Cinder snapped. "He's just some random drunkard who saved me from an abusive household."
"Sure sounds like he's your father."
"He's not old enough to be my father. I'm fifteen and he's thirty."
"Age is just a number."
"Prison is just a room. One that everyone in this camp is all-too-familiar with, by the looks of things."
Jaune cuffed her across the shoulder again. "Behave yourself."
Vernal snickered a second time, and Cinder muttered angrily under her breath. Jaune considered her humiliation his vengeance for her having murdered Pyrrha in his timeline. After taking a moment to appreciate his petty revenge, he turned back to Raven.
"I take it there's a reason why you're freeing us?" he asked.
"We're going to visit Summer and Tai," Raven said.
Jaune blinked, surprised. "Okay."
Raven stared at him. "...I'm surprised it was that easy to convince you."
"I mean, I was on my way there anyway, since I was planning to dump Cinder off with them."
"Didn't you just accuse me of abandoning my daughter? Yet here you are, doing the same thing."
"First off, Cinder isn't my daughter. I've only known her for like a few hours, and I'm pretty sure her opinion of me is sinking lower and lower with every passing second. Second of all, she's much better off with them than with me – I'm about to do some really dangerous shit, I can't be dragging a teenager around with me."
"Shouldn't you ask why she wants to come along?" Cinder questioned.
Jaune waved her off. "Quiet, Cinder – the adults are talking."
"You're an adult now, are you? Because I'm pretty sure an adult would have picked up on Raven's flirting during his fight with her."
"I told you, I was drunk."
"Isn't that supposed to make it easier to get laid?"
"She's got a point, you know," Vernal admitted.
Jaune rolled his eyes. "Oh, whatever. Let's just go to Summer and Tai's house and get this shit over with, already. I've got stuff to do."
"Like what?" Cinder asked. "Losing your pants again?"
"If you must know, I've got a lot of secret things that need to be done to save the world, starting with finding my weapon. Raven, I don't suppose you know where my sword and shield are?"
"Not a clue," Raven answered. "You showed up here unarmed and still beat everyone."
"Wow, for real? Holy shit, you people are just bad at fighting."
"Can we just do this, already?" Raven said, impatient.
"Sure, sure," Jaune replied. "Okay, tell me when-"
That was as far as he got before Raven tore open a portal and sent the three of them tumbling through.
"Fucking hell…" Jaune groaned as he picked himself up off the ground. "A little warning would be nice before you do that."
"I'll keep that in mind the next time you show up to my camp unannounced and beat everyone up," Raven said dryly. "Anyway, we're here. Do what you need to do, and then I'll do what I need to do."
"What could you possibly need to do with the family you ran out on?" Jaune asked, earning a glare. "Oh, come on, it's an honest question."
"Just go!" Raven said through gritted teeth.
"Whatever. Come on, Cinder – let's go get you a new mommy and daddy."
"Did you have to phrase it like that?" Cinder complained as the two of them set off for the Xiao Long-Rose house.
As they climbed the front steps, Jaune looked back to Cinder. "Now, we're gonna have to establish some ground rules," he began. "Taiyang and Qrow are good guys, so don't go burning any of their stuff down. Their daughters can be a bit annoying from time to time – Ruby in particular – but they're also good people. Yang in particular knows how to party… I mean, not yet because she's probably like seven or eight right about now, but she will, at some point in the future, know how to party. They may or may not also have a dog, but he's nice so long as you don't piss him off, because then he will utterly destroy you. Bottom line: treat them nice, because it's not like they're going to make you live in a cupboard under the staircase. Got it?"
"I suppose," Cinder said dryly. "Anything is better than living under the Madame, I guess. At least they won't abuse me like she did."
The two of them approached the front door, and Jaune knocked. He waited for Taiyang or Qrow to open the door… but naturally, that wasn't what happened. The door opened, but it wasn't anyone he expected.
Jaune and the woman stared at each other, confusion etched across both their faces. Jaune cleared his throat.
"Ruby? What the hell are you doing here?"
The woman instantly slammed the door in his face. It took him all of a second to realize his mistake.
"Shit, I messed it up!" he lamented.
"What are you talking about?" Cinder asked, confused. "I thought you said these people were all friends of yours."
"Trust me, that's an explanation that you're not prepared for," Jaune said. "Let's just say that she wasn't who I was expecting."
Cinder's eyes narrowed. "...Be honest – they aren't really your friends, are they?"
"Strangers are just friends you haven't met yet. Keep your chin up – there's still time for a good second impression."
"Are you sure about that?" Cinder asked. "Because if I were them, I'd be arming myself against the crazy guy on my doorstep right about now."
"Just trust me, okay? I'll take care of it."
Reluctantly, Cinder nodded. Jaune took a breath, then knocked again.
"Anyone in there? I've got some Ozpin-related shenanigans that I could use some help with."
Just as he'd thought, those ended up being the magic words. The door opened again, more slowly and cautiously this time, and a pair of silver eyes gazed upon him with mistrust.
"Who are you?" Summer asked through the tiny sliver of open door between them. "How do you know Ozpin?"
"Look, that's a story and a half right there, and trust me when I say that you wouldn't believe me even if I told you," Jaune said. "Can we just talk for a bit?"
Summer hesitated, then opened the door. She stepped outside and closed it behind her, then stood in front of him with a hand on her hip. Jaune took note of the sword on her other hip.
"Well?" Summer asked. "You showed up on my doorstep, acted like you were expecting my daughter, and then started talking nonsense. I'm giving you thirty seconds before I beat you up and call the cops."
"Thirty seconds is all I need to make a sales pitch," Jaune said. He cleared his throat. "Right, so, I've kinda got these things to deal with that are all Grimm-related. Very Grimm-related. As in, the apex Grimm. You know the one – her. They're related to her. Don't question how I know about her; I just do. All that matters is that I've got a lot of things that need to get done, but unfortunately I kinda picked up a stray along the way, so I need someone to give her a good home while I take care of some Grimm-related business."
Jaune motioned to Cinder. Summer cast a glance over to her, which caused Cinder to shuffle awkwardly, unsure of what to do. Summer stared at her for a moment, then looked back to him.
"...Uh-huh," Summer said tentatively. "...Okay, quick question."
"Shoot," Jaune offered.
"Why did you think to drop her off here? How do you even know about my family? As far as I can recall, we've never met before. Who are you?"
"Jaune Arc," he answered. "And trust me, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. All you need to know is that I needed some good people to take care of Cinder for me while I went and saved the world, and Taiyang and Qrow were the two finest people I could think of. So, what do you say? Mind watching her for me while I do this thing?"
"Yes," Summer replied instantly. Jaune stared at her, and she rolled her eyes. "I don't know what you were expecting, but showing up to my house unannounced and ranting like a crazy person about things you can't possibly know yet somehow do is not the way to get me to do what you need me to."
"Oh, come on, what could possibly be nefarious about this?" Jaune asked. "All I want is for you to watch over a teenager for a bit while I save the world. It's not that bad. She comes from an abusive household and everything."
"She does?" Summer asked, surprised.
Jaune nodded. "Yeah, so if she ever acts up, you can just threaten to make her sleep in the doghouse and that should be enough to get her back in line."
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Summer demanded. "I can't understand what you're trying to tell me at all."
"So does that mean you won't do it?"
"No, I won't do it! Are you mad?! Get out of here before I go ballistic!"
"Aw, don't be like that," Jaune said. He placed a hand on Cinder's shoulder. "She's housebroken and everything, I swear."
Cinder shrugged his hand off her shoulder. Jaune was unperturbed. "Seriously, throw me a freaking bone, here. I've gotta go take care of the big Capital-S Grimm. You know the one."
"I don't know how you even know about that, but you're out of your mind if you think you can take her on alone," Summer warned.
"Exactly, which is why you should take care of Cinder. That way if I get myself killed, I'll only be getting myself killed and not myself and Cinder. Flawless logic, if I say so myself."
Summer's eyes narrowed. "I'm calling the police. You have ten seconds to leave."
"Well, fuck," Jaune announced. "Sorry, Cinder. We'll find you a new mommy and daddy somewhere else."
"Again, do you have to phrase it like that?" Cinder complained.
The two of them turned and began to walk off, but they were unfortunately stopped by Raven emerging from the treeline, sword in hand.
"Summer!" Raven called.
Instantly, Summer froze, then turned towards Raven, her eyes narrowing. "Oh, you've gotta be kidding me…" she muttered. "Of course she's the one who brought you here."
Summer scowled, then stepped off the porch, meeting Raven halfway to the house.
"And what brings you here?" she demanded. "Honestly, I'm surprised you even bothered to show up, Raven."
"This is my house too, Summer," Raven insisted.
"Maybe take another look, Rae – the house you and Tai had burned down awhile ago. This is the one him and I built, for our family – me, him, Ruby, and Yang. Not you. So you might as well just leave."
"I'm not leaving until I get what I came here for," Raven insisted.
"Oh, yeah? And what would that be?"
"Why don't you go get Tai and find out?"
"What, and let you try to destroy the happy home life I have? No, thanks. Besides, he'd never go for you, anyway."
"Big talk coming from a homewrecker," Raven accused.
"Oh, please." Summer rolled her eyes. "It's not exactly a home when one of the occupants has run away. Unless you thought you could just run out on us and then show up whenever you wanted? I hate to tell you this, Rae, but the real world doesn't work like that."
"What is going on out here?" Tai demanded, stepping outside and shutting the front door behind him. "What's with all the-"
Spotting Raven, he instantly froze. The two of them locked eyes for a moment before Tai's gaze narrowed.
"Raven," he greeted evenly. "What brings you here?"
"That's what I've been trying to figure out," Summer said, crossing her arms. "She won't give me a straight answer. She just keeps saying that she wanted you to come out."
"Well, here I am," Taiyang offered. "Now she can do whatever the hell she wants, then leave us in peace before the girls wake up and start asking questions."
"Oh, believe me, it won't take long," Raven said.
"Well, you all seem to have things under control here," Jaune interjected. He put a hand on Cinder's shoulder. "Now, if you don't mind, I'll just be taking my angsty teenager and heading out to Ozpin's."
He took a step away from them all, only for a sudden blast of fire from Raven's sword to cut in front of him, stopping him dead in his tracks.
"You stay right there," Raven demanded.
"I hate to tell you this, but there's nothing you want from me that I can give you," Jaune pointed out. "Unless you want Cinder, that is, in which case… well, I don't really have any options now that Summer has refused to take her, so I guess you can consider her free to a good home."
"If that's your definition of a good home, then I'd hate to see what your definition of a bad home is," Summer said.
"You should see where Cinder was living not even a day ago. I did the world a favor by burning that place to the ground."
"I'm sorry, what was that?" Taiyang asked, surprised.
"I said, Cinder did the world a favor, burning that place to the ground."
Cinder stomped on his foot as hard as she could, causing him to wince. "Alright, yeah, I had that coming," he admitted.
"I'll take 'Words Jaune will never hear a woman say in his life' for five hundred," Cinder said, crossing her arms.
Raven barked out a laugh. "Ha! Ah, I like her more with every passing minute."
"The feeling isn't mutual, bird brain. I'd rather stay with Jaune. At least he doesn't abuse me."
"You wouldn't consider being dragged across Remnant against your will as abuse?" Summer asked, surprised.
Cinder shrugged. "It's better than the alternative. Anyway, while I don't like traveling with Jaune or even Jaune himself, I will admit that it could be a lot worse."
"Let's not tempt fate, Cinder," Jaune said. "Because if my travels have taught my anything, it's that fate is a fickle bitch. Tempt her too often and she'll require a blood sacrifice, and then I'll have to start feeding her moody teenagers."
"I'm sorry, did you just threaten to offer Cinder as a sacrifice to the concept of fate?" Taiyang asked, concerned.
Jaue scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous – of course I wouldn't sacrifice Cinder... at least, not when Adam Taurus is still running around. Sure, he's probably not quite that bad of a guy just yet, given that he's probably like twelve right about now… but we can't afford to take that chance."
"What chance would that be? That he grows up into a decent human being?"
"No, that I end up not taking the opportunity to say I threw Adam Taurus into a volcano or something."
Everyone gave him a weird look, and Jaune rolled his eyes. "Trust me, in like ten years or so, you're all going to find the idea of Adam Taurus being thrown in a volcano hysterical."
"Whatever you say," Summer deadpanned. "Look, can you people just leave, already? Because this is getting ridiculous. We're not interested in anything you're selling."
"I'm not selling Cinder!" Jaune said, scandalized. "I'm offering her to you completely free of charge. It's not my fault that I can't even give her away."
"You can't give away a lot of things," Cinder said. "Your virginity chief among them."
"You know, your shots at my pride hurt," Jaune replied. "Especially because they're not true. I'll have you know that I slept with a very cute pint-sized girl who looks like ice cream. Pun very much intended."
Cinder stared at him for a moment, then cleared her throat. "Help, help! I'm being taken by a strange adult who openly boasts about sleeping with pint-sized girls!"
"Don't start with that, now," Jaune said, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"Bad touch, bad touch! I need an adult!"
"You're not fooling anybody," Jaune said. He looked around and found Summer and Tai glaring at him. Idly, he became distinctly aware of the fact that everyone here was armed except him.
"...Or at least, I hope you're not fooling anybody," he amended.
"The only ones being fooled here are us," Taiyang deadpanned. "Seriously. When I heard a bunch of yelling coming from outside, I thought it was actually something dangerous. Instead, I found two idiots and a teenager standing here, spouting off nonsense."
"I take offense to that," Jaune said. "Idiots we may be, but Cinder is no better than us. She's at least a proto-idiot, given that she chose to tag along."
"What's your beef with her?" Summer asked. "Seriously, she's like fifteen, and according to you, you've only known her for about a day. What did she do that's so bad?"
"Believe me, as much as I want to go into detail about all the ways this random teenager has wronged me, I won't, because I'm afraid of creating a time paradox," Jaune said.
"The more I hear you speak, the more I'm convinced you're just some random crazy person."
"Uh, I'm drunk, not crazy. There's a difference. Just ask Qrow."
"How on Remnant do you-" Summer shook her head. "Forget it; I know it's pointless to even ask that question, so I won't. Instead I'll just say again: if you all aren't gone in the next ten seconds, there's gonna be a fight."
"Ten seconds is all I need," Raven promised. "Hey, Tai."
"What?" Taiyang asked.
"Watch this."
That was all the warning Jaune got before Raven suddenly lunged forwards and pulled him into a big kiss. And it was a big kiss – there was tongue and everything. It would have been nice if it weren't for the fact that he was currently swapping spit with a deadbeat mom bandit leader.
Oh, and she was also Yang's mom. That kinda put a damper on the whole thing, too.
True to Raven's word, it lasted about ten seconds before she pulled away, leaving Jaune standing there, stunned and wide-eyed.
Taiyang blinked. "...Am I supposed to feel a certain way?"
"You're supposed to be jealous," Raven stated. "That could have been you."
"Yeah, well, I'm married," Tai pointed out.
"To me!" Raven emphasized. "We're husband and wife, Tai!"
"Were husband and wife," Summer interjected. "That thing got annulled years ago."
"What? Then where's my half of the divorce?"
"Ooh," Cinder said, a smug grin crossing her face. "Someone signed the pre-nup."
"The what?" Raven asked. Her eyes narrowed. "Taiyang, what did you do?"
"I took Qrow's advice," Taiyang said awkwardly. "Not my fault you didn't read the fine print on the paperwork you were signing."
"Is that really her fault, though?" Summer asked. "She's a bandit from the middle of nowhere. Honestly, it's impressive that she can read at a third-grade level. Asking her to read and understand a legal document is probably going too far."
"You told me that was part of the marriage certificate!" Raven exclaimed.
Taiyang rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Ah, yeah… right. Well, again, you should have read the thing – not my fault you wanted to get the whole thing over with. We didn't even have a ceremony, if I recall – we just eloped, then you dragged me back to the hotel room and didn't let me leave for like a week straight."
"What's going on?" Jaune asked, having recovered from Raven's kiss.
"The adults are arguing about their love quadrilateral," Cinder answered.
"Doesn't a quadrilateral have four sides? There are only three of them."
"Raven kissed you, so I think that makes you involved."
"She only did that to make Tai jealous," Jaune explained. "We all know that Raven is incapable of genuinely loving somebody."
"That's a shame," Cinder lamented. "For a second, I thought your first kiss was actually going to be memorable, but I guess now it doesn't count. It's basically the adult equivalent of a boy's first kiss coming from a girl who was dared to do it by her friends."
"I'll have you know that I've been kissed before," Jaune argued.
"What happened to her, then?"
"She kissed me goodbye full-on on the lips, then rushed off to die a futile death that ultimately stopped nothing, though it did eventually contribute to me becoming the alcoholic that I am today."
"How unsurprising," Cinder deadpanned.
"Oh, shut up. So I don't get much action. Last I checked, you don't get much, either."
"Did you seriously just try to 'No, you' me?" Cinder asked, raising an eyebrow. "I'm a fifteen-year-old who, until yesterday, was living like a slave in an abusive household. Unlike me, you don't have an excuse."
"I was busy saving the world."
"Even if that were true, which it's not, you seriously meant to tell me that you didn't even get saved-the-world pussy at the end of it all?"
"What are you two fucking talking about?" Raven asked, exasperated.
"That's a good point," Jaune said. "We're standing out in a forest, listening to three people argue about their incredibly fucked-up love life, while I debate a teenager about nothing. There's a fucking two-drink minimum for me to deal with any of this, and I'm currently completely sober, so if it's all the same to anyone else, I'm gonna go find a bar and get plastered."
"It's nine in the morning," Summer pointed out.
"Damn, that late? Usually I'm at least three beers in by now."
Summer stared at him in disgust before shifting her gaze to Cinder. "You know what? I've changed my mind. It can't be good for you to be running around with these two idiots. If you want a place to stay, you can stay with us."
"That's okay, ma'am," Cinder said as Jaune marched off into the forest with Raven trailing behind him, silently fuming the whole time. "But if it's all the same to you, I kinda want to see him get totally shitfaced, then hurt himself doing something stupid."
Here's chapter 2. Not much else to say, here. I must say that I'm having a ton of fun writing this story, the character interactions just flow with this one. It's good to be back writing crack again - Problems was a great time and I'm glad I can continue the trend now.
I figure I'm going to just take some time and mess around a bit before introducing the actual plot, which is why everyone's kinda just meandering around right now. There will be a plot, of course, but it's going to be a few chapters before I start going in on it. The in-universe reason for that is that I still need to explore the full depths of what Jaune did while blackout drunk; the out-of-universe reason for it is that I'm having a good time fucking about with this stuff right now so I figure the plot can wait for a bit, lol.
That's about all I've got in terms of story. Otherwise... I bought one of the Langdon Tactical Beretta 92G pistols. I'm not much of a pistol shooter or even really a fan of pistols in general (I prefer rifles and shotguns) but this thing is already one of my favorites, it shoots like an absolute dream - first trip out and it printed a ten-shot group with all the bullet holes touching each other. Still gotta get more used to the double-action trigger again since I've been spending so much time with my Shield Plus over the past few months, but honestly, I'm going to see if I can't get a holster for this thing and use it as my new CCW because it's just that much of a step up from the Shield, and it's not even really that much bigger. Heavier, of course, but a good belt can take care of that easily enough.
That's about all I've got for today. See you guys next time.