Notes: Are you ready for some emotional damage? Sorry Five, here we go!

They Moved On

Five came around with a startle, back to the torture room, fantastic… he felt some pressure in his right arm and lowered his eyes to see the cause, an IV was attached to it.

Shit.

He had worked long enough in the Commission to know what that meant. He was connected to a machine that supplied him with only the minimum amount of nutrients to keep him alive for weeks without food or water, enough to keep a prisoner alive to extract information from them or simply to prolong their suffering; and if need be, to inject substances into their system to make them easier to handle or more talkative.

This machine was only reserved for the most stubborn people or for people the Handler wanted to make suffer. He had never felt the need to use it, in fact, although he knew how to do it as well as any Commission agent, he had never tortured people to extract information, he preferred good old intimidation or to investigate and infer what he needed to complete his missions, it was faster; and he had never felt the need to torture or prolong a killing out of spite, his victims had never been personal after all, it was just his job.

He struggled trying to move, but he only managed to gash his already bruised wrists more, the dry blood mixing with his own fresh blood.

"Ah Five, I was wondering when you'd wake up," chirped the Handler looking at him from the window at the top and heading to the stairs.

The Boy tried to think of an acid retort, but for some reason his mind felt even more sluggish than the previous days, so he just faintly acknowledged her presence following with his eyes.

"Oh, come on, what's the fun if you won't even try to talk back?"

"What do you want from me?" he croaked, an IV might be keeping him somewhat hydrated, but his throat still felt dry and raw from the previous days.

"Well, let's face it, you are the best agent this Commission has produced and… I didn't want to break your bubble, but you no longer belong with your family and I think you know it; you've known it all along, haven't you?"

Five felt like a shark was clutching at his chest, of course he had thought about that more than he'd liked to admit, but there had always been a small part of him that refused to accept that.

"You're wrong."

"Am I? You told me yourself that you don't belong anywhere, but you are not entirely right, you can belong here, you have always belonged here," the Handler forged a sweet smile.

"No, I don't, I hate this place, always have," denied Five feeling flustered.

"Listen Five, you spent all the time in the apocalypse constructing an ideal of your lousy family, hey, I get it, you were alone for way too long with nothing but a sad mannequin to keep you company."

The assassin growled at this.

"But hear me out, that's just what it is, an ideal that exists only in your mind. Do you think they care about you as much as you do? About each other? That they love you?" she said as if just saying the word made her feel nauseous. "I read your sister's book; you know? You and I know that what you had wasn't a family, you were just a group of traumatized misfits that hardly got along with each other. When you left, they only became more distant and each went on with their lives as far from each other as they could."

"No, they… they were just running away from dad, from the pain of losing Ben," he wanted her to stop, each word felt like an ice-cold dagger piercing through him.

"Don't deceive yourself, do you think any of them liked the ordinary kid? That Number One didn't think he was more special or that Number Two wouldn't kill to be daddy's favorite? Do you honestly think they were worried for you when you disappeared? They were just angry at you for running away, blamed you for your brother's death," she smiled watching how the man looked smaller and smaller as her words slowly crushed him.

Ben… if I had just listened to dad…

"Seriously Five, do you even think they cared about you leaving, that they missed you?"

"Vanya cared," his voice came out like a whisper. She wanted me to come back, she made all those peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches hoping for me to come back, he thought desperately. Her words weighed heavily on his mind, slowly creating dark turbulent clouds that made it hard to think clearly, but as much as he wanted her to stop, his mind kept clinging to each one of her words.

"They probably didn't even know you cared about them," she stopped as if thinking about something. "Frankly, considering your prickly personality, I actually wonder if you were even close to any of them to begin with!" she tantalized with a mocking laugh.

Five closed his eyes, struggling to keep calm, true, he rarely expressed his innermost feelings. Thanks to Reginal Hargreeves, he had learned early on that any weakness would be used against him or his brothers and sisters, so if by nature he seldom expressed his feelings openly, the older he got, the more closed off he had become; but they had to know he cared about them, right? He had always tried to protect them, they had laughed and played together, they had made silly schemes like normal siblings did, he had struggled to stay alive for 45 years and had done unforgivable things just to go back and save them.

"Stop talking about them, you don't know them!" he howled feeling his body shake with emotion.

"Okay, okay, so let's say they knew you cared about them, that they even cared about their little 13-year-old brother that got lost one faithful day. But now, how do you think they'd feel knowing what you have become, everything you've done? Do you think any of them would understand?"

Five bit the inside of his cheek. He was no child nor a dreamer, he knew he was a ruthless killer, most likely what Luther would consider a bad guy if he knew everything he had done, but he hadn't been lying to his brother when he said killing gave him no pleasure... his mind just... it got into a daze during challenging missions, thrilled with the speed, the precision, the absolute control of the situation... but now, after finally recovering his family, something had renewed in him, of course he'd still kill for any of them, better a few casualties than his family or a whole open war with the Commission in the middle of a city, but now there was a twist on his gut whenever he thought about his Commission days, about killing without a second thought, he couldn't help thinking about Luther's disappointment, Diego's higher moral compass, Vanya and Klaus horrified at his bloodthirst, kids like Claire screaming in terror while he killed their parents, little Ben's disturbed expression whenever he had to use his power and ended up covered in blood, how would he feel if he knew his brother had become almost as lethal as his Horror?

"Face it, you don't belong with them anymore, if they really knew you, they wouldn't want you around. The monkey and the vigilant will never understand your brilliance, the Séance, you must be surrounded by so many of your victims' ghosts, he'd be terrified and considering your history as a hitman, I don't think the fancy actress would appreciate your smell of blood near her daughter."

Five looked absolutely defeated, he felt so cold his body kept shacking uncontrollably, probably too little energy to keep himself warm or maybe it was just his mind breaking into tiny little pieces.

You know she's right, he thought he heard Dolores' reproving whisper. She had been tough with him many times before, she always told him the hard truths after all, but she knew him better than anyone, how could she agree with the Handler? A pang of desperation ran through his body.

"Listen," the Handler rolled her eyes "if you don't believe me, it's only because you don't know what they've been doing while you've been so worried about them."

The Boy just looked at her with vacant eyes, looking lost and way younger than he was. She smiled satisfied.

"Some of them arrived earlier than others, but it didn't take too long for any of them to move on and build new happy lives." Five shook his head at this feeling awfully guilty, it must have been so hard to arrive there on their own until the others appeared, "but hear this, they couldn't even stick to looking for each other for a year, not even several months, the actress even got married again. So… it seems like you're the only one that is obsessed to sticking to that delusion," she cooed.

"What?" A different feeling surged within him. Not even a year? They just… forgot about each other and moved on with new lives? Of course, that's probably what normal people did, they had lives of their own apart from their families, they moved on. He felt a bitter laugh trying to escape his throat. The Handler was right, he didn't belong with them anymore, he was the only one that had nothing but them. He would only be a burden and a hassle.

"And you know what the best part is? After wasting most of your life trying to go back, never spending a day without thinking about your ungrateful family, they have no idea you just arrived; they think you left them to their faiths again and they blame you for stranding them in the sixties," she cackled with mirth. "Were all your sacrifices worth it in the end, Five?

A myriad of different emotions plagued him, he felt somewhat angry that they had tried so little to find each other, hurt because they seemed to think he would just abandon them after practically relinquishing his life and integrity to going back to them, but mostly, he felt tainted, the Handler and Dolores were right, he had lost his place in the family long time ago when he had become a monster. Maybe she was right, it would be better to leave things be, just let his siblings build their new lives in peace.

"If I stay here…, will you guarantee that they'll be safe?"

"I see you are beginning to understand, you've always been clever," said the Handler tersely. "If you comply to whatever I ask for, your family will remain safe and sound in this timeline, that's the least I can do after you gave me the reins of the Commission."

"Just promise me again that you won't ever harm any of them and that you'll not involve them in any of this anymore," he muttered defeated.

"We have a deal!" the Handler slapped her hands together and batted her fingers in small applauses. "Excellent!" she exclaimed heading to the stairs.

"Wait, aren't you forgetting something?" Five said, a little burst of panic assaulting him.

"Let's see, bonds are well fastened, IV is set and your collar is well secured, no, I don't think so," she smiled impishly.

Five tried to look menacing, but that was very hard to achieve after having been emotionally crushed.

"Oh, come on Five, you have betrayed the Commission twice, you didn't think I'd just let you roam freely, did you?"

Suddenly, he was acutely aware of the heavy dark cloud that had been weighing on his brain, his thoughts kept feeling slow and disconnected, and then it clicked, she was drugging him as an extra measure to keep him in check this time, the meds were breaking him. That's no good, I can't lose myself, I have to protect my family, he thought panicking again.

"You can't keep me tied up forever, how do you even expect me to execute your missions?" he tried to bluff, not his best work, mind you, but it was hard to think when you were having a hard time staying conscious.

"Of course not, I'll let you go on missions, I'll even let you go on your own, but remember I have people tracking each member of your family just in case you decide to break our little contract." She climbed the stairs slowly before turning her head with a dark smile, "And if that's not deterrent enough, you know there's nothing stopping me from performing a little brain surgery on you."

Five's pupils almost swallowed his irises, his vision blurred and his ears ringed, he knew exactly what she meant by that, now and then he had seen a few commission agents that looked like blank slates. Completely devoid of any emotion or personality whatsoever, just empty shells to perform the missions nobody wanted to take on, no free will, no opinion, just killing dolls. The Handler's dolls. A fit of tremors shook his body, he knew the Handler liked his flawless style and sharp mind, but she was also obsessed and stubborn, so if it came to it, if she had no other option, he knew she'd do it, and then it would be free for all, his worst nightmares during the time he spent alone in the apocalypse and then exacerbated during his time at the Commission, would become very real. He'd become a menace for his own siblings.

Notes:

As you can see, I'll be mentioning some drug usage by the Handler on Five sometimes, hopefully not as bad to need a warning?

She never got to this point with Five in the show, but we all know she's pretty good at getting what she wants and at manipulating people, so I can definitely see her resorting to things like that and perhaps even being able to do some meaner emotional manipulation.

Anyways, thank you so much for reading, please remember to drop a line if you can/want, you have no idea how happy it makes me to read your comments!