Plastered Paradox

Chapter 20

After a few days of uneventful sailing, their boat finally docked at Menagerie. They all stepped off onto the sand below, stretching their arms out as they walked. Of course, they only made it a few steps on shore before Jaune turned towards them.

"Alright, we need to establish some ground rules," he began. "First off, don't be racist. I know that this would be the absolute perfect time for you guys to say that one racist Faunus joke or slur you've been secretly thinking of for years and that's probably actually hilarious, but I'm gonna have to ask you to keep it under wraps at least until we get to Atlas, where you'll be in polite company if you say it."

"Is this really necessary?" Cinder asked. "I would hope that we've all got more than enough tact to know that being racist towards these people would be incredibly counter-productive to actually saving the world."

"You'd think, but half this group is made up of backwoods hicks. I'd be surprised if they weren't at least a little racist."

"There's not a racist bone in my body," Qrow stated. "Raven might be a different story, though."

"What makes you say that?" Raven asked.

Qrow stared at her. "...What, so you'll kill people, but calling them a slur is a bridge too far?"

"Killing people is one thing. Calling them a slur is just downright heinous. Also, I feel compelled to mention that we're all the same inside."

"I didn't take you for the hippie type."

"What? No, I didn't mean it like that, I meant it as in we are all quite literally the same inside, unless you're one of those people who was born with their heart on the wrong side of their body. Then we're not the same, but we're close enough that it doesn't matter. It's a fancy way of saying that it doesn't matter what race you are, because I'll kill you the same either way."

"O-kay," Jaune said as he spied a group of Faunus staring at them with concern from further down the beach. "Maybe we should have had this talk before we got off the boat."

"Probably, but since when do you make good decisions?" Cinder asked. "Aside from taking me out of the hotel, I guess. That's probably the one good decision you've made so far."

"Jury's still out on that one, actually." Cinder glared at him, and he reached out and ruffled her hair. "Look, all I'm saying is, please don't go ruining this by calling someone an animal, or a furry, or a beastkin, or whatever other slur happens to pop into your head. The last thing I need is for us to get run out of town because one of you morons couldn't resist calling someone a Faunig-"

"Uh, Jaune?" Cinder asked.

Jaune paused. "...Damn it. There's a mob right behind me, isn't there?"

Cinder nodded. He let out a sigh. "Fuck me, this is the last time I ever try to lead by example." He turned around and faced the mob with his arms outstretched. "I surrender, guys. Take me to your leader, I guess."

The crowd of people behind him – and there had to be at least fifty of them, he reckoned – exchanged an uneasy glance with each other.

"Which leader would that be?" one of them asked, confused. "I mean, does he want us to take him to Sienna, or the Belladonnas?"

"That's a good question," another added. "I mean, Sienna would probably treat him a lot worse…"

"Do we really want to be punitive about this, though? Because I feel like that would just reinforce his preconceived notion of us as a bunch of violent savages."

"We're an angry mob, we are a bunch of violent savages."

"But we don't have to be, that's what I'm saying. We could be a somewhat-irritated mob, instead. You know, let go of our anger and hatred, and stop perpetuating the cycle of ignorance that victimizes us?"

"Or we could get our pound of flesh."

"...Alright, yeah, that sounded a lot smarter in my head."

"Well, good to see that the racists were wrong all along," Raven commented as the mob argued among themselves.

"How so?" Cinder asked.

"They'd have us believe that humans and Faunus are different, but as this little display is clearly showing, they're just as stupid as we are."

"I don't know why I actually expected you to say something wholesome," Cinder admitted. "But at least you didn't leave yourself out of being stupid?"

"That was clearly a royal 'we'," Raven argued. "Obviously, I'm the only smart one here."

"Even discounting Jaune and I?"

"Especially discounting Jaune and you. I only keep you around because you make for good conversation, and as for Jaune… well, he's just lucky he's hung like a horse."

"Someone's a bit grumpy today," Jaune commented. "Forget to eat your Pumpkin Pete's this morning, Rae? Should I ask the mob if they've got any to spare for our last meal?"

"Are we really going to let these idiots take us prisoner?" Cinder asked in disbelief. "Because they're still arguing about this."

"Yeah, good point." Jaune cleared his throat to get the attention of the mob. "Yeah, are you guys gonna make a decision already, or do I need to drop another racial slur?"

"Sienna it is," the mob said as one.

Jaune frowned. "Damn, I thought we had at least one guy on our side, but I guess not."

"I was only playing devil's advocate," the man in question replied. "Someone has to."

"This is so sad. Somebody play some sad music while I get arrested again."

"We're getting arrested a lot recently," Cinder couldn't help but comment as they were all handcuffed and forced to start marching.

"Blame Raven," Jaune said. "Turns out she has a thing for handcuffs."

"Fuck me, I wish I could un-learn that. Hey, do you think the Faunus would kill me if I dropped a racial slur right now?"

"Oh, great," Sienna said with a sigh. "It's you idiots again…"

"We get that a lot," Jaune offered as the Faunus dumped the four of them in front of Sienna's throne.

"Should I even ask what you did to have my people drag you all here?"

"Walking while human." Cinder elbowed him. "Okay, fine – I was trying to give my companions a lesson in how not to be racist. Unfortunately, I think I ended up accidentally being racist, so it was very counter-productive. And now we're here."

"Somehow, I'm not surprised," Sienna deadpanned from her throne. She rested her head on one of her hands. "Give me a reason why I shouldn't just have you all killed."

"Because we figured we'd try to help you deal with Atlas."

Sienna blinked. "...Why? I mean, not that it's unheard of for humans to sympathize with the White Fang, but this is something else."

"Oh, no, not like that," Jaune insisted. "I meant we could hash something out between you and them, to the point where there's no need for hostilities between you two."

Sienna rolled her eyes. "That's ridiculous and will never happen."

"What can I say, except that I'm a bit of a miracle worker, myself. The fact that Mistral is still around instead of a smoking crater should be proof enough of that, don't you think?"

"Still, even for you, this is out-there."

"He gets that a lot, too," Cinder said.

"Don't patronize me, child," Jaune chastised. Cinder stuck her tongue out at him. He looked back to Sienna. "Anyway, I suppose I'll just start with this: What would it take to get you to come to the negotiating table with Atlas? Aside from the sacrifice of every Atlesian firstborn son or whatever it is you usually want."

Sienna blinked again. "I… legitimately hadn't considered that," she answered. "Truth be told, I was operating under the impression that Atlas had a firm we-don't-negotiate-with-terrorists stance."

"They do, but we're not going to let that stop us," Jaune said. "Also, I'm just going to wisely choose not to comment about how you just identified yourself as a terrorist."

"Smooth," Raven deadpanned.

"Shh, I'm working here, babe," Jaune whispered under his breath.

Sienna brought a hand to her chin in thought. As she considered what Jaune had to say, next to her, Adam crossed his arms.

"This is ridiculous," Adam said. "High Leader, we should just kill them and be done with it."

"Alright, can we get him out of here or something?" Jaune asked. "Because the adults are talking and the overwhelming urge to throw him into a Sandworm's gullet is all-consuming at the moment. If I have to look at Adam Taurus for another minute, I'm liable to snap."

"Adam Taurus is one of my trusted allies," Sienna said. "Young as he may be, I value his input. Plus, if he's going to be a leader in the White Fang, he needs to be here for things like this."

"True, but don't you think it's more important that he get to spend time among his enemies?" Jaune asked.

Qrow stared at Jaune. "Don't tell me you're going where I think you're going with this, Jaune. Even for you, this is crazy. Right, Raven?"

Raven shrugged as best as her bonds would allow her. "Who gives a shit at this point? We've got a bunch of them running around already, what's one more added to the litter?"

"I thought the idea was to stay on Roman's good side, though. The more kids we give him, the more he's going to hate us."

"Then it's a good thing he's basically stuck with us," Jaune said. He turned back towards Sienna. "Seriously, I'm giving him the opportunity to know his enemies. Don't you think that'd be good for him?"

"I mean, it would be, but why should I trust you?" Sienna asked.

"Because I'm willing to do something for you as a show of good faith," Jaune emphasized. "Terrorist you may be, but you're still rational. We'll work out a preliminary deal, something to show you that I can hold true to my word even if I have to hold my nose while I'm doing it. I do something for you, you give us custody of Adam Taurus for a bit, everyone benefits. Then we move on to bigger things. Sound good?"

Adam grit his teeth. "High Leader, you can't seriously be considering-"

"Deal," Sienna said. "On one condition."

"Ah, shit…" Jaune muttered. "What is it?"

"You take the Belladonna girl with you as well."

Jaune stared at her ins surprise. "...You serious?"

Sienna nodded. "Do we have a deal?"

"I mean… yeah? Yeah, I'm okay with those terms."

"Very well." Sienna stood up, then snapped her fingers. Several Faunus rushed in and cut the four of them free from their bonds, then returned their weapons to them. Jaune clipped his sword into place, then turned his attention back towards Sienna.

"Adam," she said. "Front and center."

Adam crossed his arms with a huff. "I cannot believe you just agreed to work with a human."

"This is a rare human," Sienna emphasized. "One who is not only in a position to negotiate, but who is willing to do so as well. We will take our small victories where we can get them."

"Nothing about this is a victory for Blake and I," Adam hissed. "You're sending us to live among the enemy."

"Indeed, I am. Maybe you'll be able to learn something from them."

Adam threw up his hands in frustration. "This is stupid."

Sienna raised an eyebrow. "Are you disobeying a direct order, Adam?"

Adam stared at her for a moment, then let out a growl before turning and marching out of the tent. Once he was gone, Jaune turned back towards Sienna.

"You totally just wanted to lose the kids for a bit, didn't you?"

"Gods, yes," Sienna said as she sank back down into her throne, letting out a groan in the process. "Those two are becoming insufferable. Kids are such a nightmare…"

"Believe me, I know." Cinder smacked him on the shoulder. Jaune ignored it. "But it's okay – I know a guy who'll take good care of them."

–

"So," Roman began as he eyed the crowd of small children in front of him. His gaze narrowed. "Who broke it?"

The kids all exchanged a glance with each other, then back towards the vending machine behind him, which was currently spewing out cans of soda at about Mach 3. Throughout Junior's bar, patrons ran for cover to avoid the incoming tide of aluminum cans.

Naturally, none of the kids fessed up to it. Roman sighed tiredly.

"I'm not mad, I just want to know. Who broke it?"

"It was me," Ruby offered. "I broke it, Roman. I-"

"No, no you didn't," Roman deadpanned without skipping a beat. Ruby deflated a bit, clearly disappointed that she hadn't been able to martyr herself. Roman sighed again.

"Look, all I want to know is-"

He was cut off by the telltale sound of a portal opening behind him. What sounded like several people came stumbling out of it, along with a few bags of luggage. Roman's eye twitched, and he looked back at the kids in front of him.

"Be honest with me," he said. "If I look behind me, it's not going to be Jaune and his little motley crew, and I'm going to be mad. Is that about right?"

The kids all nodded tentatively. Roman's eye twitched again. "Yeah, thought so."

Despite himself, he turned around anyway, and was somehow not surprised when he saw two more children standing there – a bull Faunus with dark red hair who looked to be around eleven or twelve, and a timid-looking cat Faunus who looked to be around seven. Roman stared at the two of them for a moment before turning his attention to the portal, which was beginning to shrink behind him. Seeing he was about lose his chance, he approached it and cleared his throat.

"Damn it, Jaune!" he shouted into the portal. "You owe me big for this!"

The portal then closed completely, and Roman let out a tired sigh before turning back to the two newcomers. The cat Faunus flinched out of fear when she saw him staring at her, and the bull Faunus stepped in front of her protectively. Roman brought a hand up to rub tiredly at the bridge of his nose.

"Alright, let's get this over with," he began. He pointed to the bull Faunus. "What's your name?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" the bull challenged.

"I would, actually. That's why I asked. Since I'm going to be looking after you, I figured it'd be best if I knew your name. But if you don't want to talk, that's fine, too." He looked past the young boy and towards the girl, who he noticed was shaking like a leaf. "And you? What's your name?"

"B-Blake…" she managed to get out. She fidgeted nervously. "U-um… why are we here?"

"Because my so-called friends are jerks, that's why." He reached into his pocket for a cigar, then lit it up and took a long drag. "This just keeps getting worse and worse…"

"Well, that's that problem taken care of," Jaune said proudly.

Raven glared at him. "You know, I distinctly recall saying when we first started traveling together that I didn't want my Semblance to be used as a courier service."

"Yeah, well, I've always wanted to sleep with a nine-tailed fox Faunus, but that's not going to happen, either."

Raven crossed her arms. "You're a real ass, you know that?"

"Takes one to know one." Jaune turned back towards Sienna. "So, what now? We've earned you your little child-free vacation."

"And how," Sienna said. She stretched her arms out, her joints cracking in the process, and let out a content sigh. "I feel ten years younger already. Those two were insufferable. I needed a break, and a vacation. I think I'll head on down to the beach, maybe do some skinny dipping or something."

"Why skinny dipping?" Cinder couldn't help but ask.

"Why not? I can do whatever I want now that the kids are gone."

"Must be nice," Jaune commented. Cinder elbowed him in the side. "Anyway, your skinny dipping is going to have to be put on hold for a bit, because we still need to negotiate with Atlas."

"That'll be easier said than done," Sienna grunted. "I would think that you'd have to go to Atlas for that."

"You'd think wrong, then. I happen to know that Atlas keeps a recon unit out in the desert pretty much at all times."

Sienna's eyes narrowed. "You don't say? Perhaps we should pay them a visit."

"You won't, but we will," Jaune emphasized. "I figure I'll show up, convince those guys to get me into contact with their CO, and then we'll go from there."

"Wait a minute, didn't you replace the general of Atlas with a teenager?" Raven asked. "I distinctly recall you doing that."

Sienna blinked. "...That was you? You're the one who got rid of Ironwood?"

"Yes, but actually no," Jaune explained. "It's kinda difficult to put into words, so I won't even try. All you need to know is that I made a certain suggestion to the correct person, and the rest was history. But anyway, Winter doesn't even know me, I just threw her name out there because pretty much anyone was going to be better than Ironheart."

"You did it again," Cinder pointed out.

"Gods damn it! Ironwood. Pretty much anyone was going to be better than Ironwood. Unfortunately, because she doesn't know me personally, my leverage on her is pretty limited."

"We could always just bust into the Atlesian Council's chambers and force them to the table," Raven suggested.

"Tempting, but as fun as that would be, it wouldn't work. This is the kind of thing that can't be done under duress, they need to come to the table of their own free will. The only trouble is figuring out a way to accomplish that."

"So your plan is to go into the desert, kick the shit out of some Atlesian crayon-eaters, and… what then?" Qrow asked.

"I dunno, I haven't quite gotten to that part yet," Jaune confessed. "But we'll figure it out eventually."

"If you say so," Cinder said. "Let's just get this over with, already. I already hate Menagerie."

"Are you trying to make a statement?" Sienna asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Only that it's hot as balls out here, and that the sooner I can get somewhere I'm not roasting to death, the better."

"You're gonna regret saying that, since the next place we're going to is Atlas," Jaune reminded her.

"Fuck."

Bit of a shorter chapter this time, I'm aware, but this felt like a good place to end it, IMO. I'm generally shooting for chapters around 4k words each, and this one is just under that, I think. Trying to get some practice in with shorter chapters - those are probably more conducive to my success if I'm going to try my hand at making actual money with this sort of thing. Not that I don't appreciate the hell out of you guys who've supported me financially, just saying that my dream is to eventually quit my day job and write for a living, and it's currently still very far away, to say the least lol. That's on me, though - need to be working harder and writing more originals.

I think I mentioned my goal was to eventually self-publish on Royal Road, but honestly, now I'm not so sure. The more I think about it, the more getting picked up by a publisher seems to be the way to go for me, since I don't write gamelit/LitRPG and that seems to be the vast, vast majority of what's successful over on RR. Doesn't make much sense to bash my head against the wall if the target audience isn't there, IMO. So I'm probably going to look into trying to get some of my stuff picked up by a publisher or something. Not sure yet.

Anyway about the story... look at that, more kiddos for Roman. I'm sure he's absolutely thrilled about it. Speaking of the Roman scenes, you all seem to like them, so I'll be doing more of them as time goes on. They probably won't be every chapter, but they'll be frequent enough, so don't you worry about that. I enjoy writing them, myself, so while there might not be one every single chapter, they will make sporadic appearances here and there.

What else, what else... I took this week off work to catch up on some stuff. Can't wait to see what kind of shitstorm is waiting for me upon my return, lol. I joke, but seriously, it's an existential kind of dread. But on the bright side, I've been able to do a lot of what I wanted to get done this week, and I've got an action rifle match tomorrow night which should be fun. I'll be taking my Zastava M90 - bit of a weird choice, but I'm finding that I enjoy shooting AKs more than ARs. Maybe I'm just a hipster or something, IDK. Anyway, the gun's pretty much stock, save for a Midwest Industries side rail mount that I've topped with a Primary Arms SLx 1x MicroPrism. Hopefully it stays sighted in and retains zero - I had some problems with that mount when I first got it, and if they're going to show up again, it'll be during a match, because for those of you who don't know, if a piece of gear is going to fail, it's going to fail when you absolutely need it the most, which for almost all of us is going to be during a match. Anyway, if the gun won't retain zero, I'll have my AR as a backup, just in case. Honestly though, I'm considering selling my AR and using the funds to pick up a FB Radom Beryl instead, just because I don't particularly enjoy shooting my AR much. Nothing against the AR, it's an excellent weapons system and mine has been flawless, but it's just kinda boring to me. I don't enjoy running it nearly as much as some of my other rifles.

That's about what I've got for now, so I'll leave things there. Hope you all enjoyed the chapter, and I'll see you next time!

Enjoy my work and want to help me out a bit? You can support me, as well as read more of my writing, over on Amazon. My second original story is available for purchase now, you can find it by going on Amazon and searching for 'Dead World' by John Haruspex. The story is available now for three bucks in ebook format (or free with Kindle Unlimited) or twelve bucks in paperback format, if you prefer physical media. (Remove the spaces)

www . amazon Dead-World-John-Haruspex / dp /B0C2RPGXVC / ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1682982861&sr=8-2

My first original story is also still available at the following link as well:

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