1998

Hogwarts

Hermione kept her breathing even as she stared at Madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing of Hogwarts. "I only finished one bottle—"

"In a month, you finished one bottle in a month. Those bottles typically last six months, Miss Granger."

"I just need a bit of extra help—"

"What you need is counseling." Madam Pomfrey said compassionately but Hermione's hands fisted at her sides.

"The Daily Prophet already is reporting little asides on any stumbles I make during class and you want them to report I'm going for counseling?"

"It doesn't matter what they report—"

Hermione tuned her out. It didn't matter to Madam Pomfrey, but the intimate details of every single thing she did wasn't splashed across newspapers for all of Magical Britain. She didn't have to be careful of public displays because they waited like vultures to see if they could capture the least amount of emotional vulnerability for the poor muggle-born war hero with the missing parents.

When Madam Pomfrey wound down her lecture, Hermione smiled at her. "Thank you, I'll consider it."

Madam Pomfrey beamed at her, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder, before letting her exit. It was fine she thought as she walked slowly towards her rooms, she knew the ingredients and she could brew it herself. It might be problematic for the amount and consistency of ingredients she would need but she knew Neville would help her and if not Neville then—

Green eyes flashed into her mind and she shook her head, trying not to think of him. Ron could help her.

Hermione stepped into her room and found Ron sitting on the bed, his head down, elbows resting on his knees. Ron looked up at the sound of her entrance and gave her a small smile. "Hermione."

"Harry didn't come with you this time?"

"Oh, he's here somewhere, getting some crowd worship or hiding with Ginny, I suspect." There was a dullness in his voice despite the smile he gave her, his blue eyes shadowed.

Hermione sat down next to him, reaching for his hand to clasp it tightly, leaning her head against his shoulder. "Are you okay?" She asked softly.

Ron sighed heavily, and the scent of something astringent hit her nostrils. "My mum keeps randomly showing up at MLE to check up on me."

"I'm sure she's checking on both you and Harry–it's only been a few months Ron—"

Ron scoffed. "Oh no, not Harry. You know he managed to knock our dueling instructor on his ass? The man is an expert but of course Harry—"

"Ron."

He stopped, covering his face with his hands. "I'm sorry." He mumbled. "The war is over, I'm a bloody war hero, I have you, and yet—"

"Yet?"

"Nothing." Ron wrapped his arm around her. The smell increased as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "We should find Harry and Ginny. We need to get down to Hogsmeade before your curfew." He laughed. "I don't know how you came back here to deal with that kind of bollocks after what we went through."

Hermione shrugged. "Rules help things stay orderly—well—most of the time, anyway." She hesitated, looking at Ron, the faint redness about his eyes, the streak of red across his cheekbones. "Ron." She said softly.

"Hmm?"

"Have you been drinking?"

The red intensified on his face, giving Hermione her answer. Ron looked away from her. "I drank a little before we came here, just to calm my nerves, you know."

She pulled his face down toward her, meeting the hint of shame in his expression head-on. "It's okay." She whispered. "It's okay to struggle, Ron. It's normal with everything that happened."

Ron laid his hand over where she cradled his cheek. "Yeah?"

Her door slammed open, and they both looked over.

"Oi you two, stop making out when we're supposed to be heading down towards Hogsmeade." Ginny shook her finger at them with a grin, Harry behind her.

Hermione met Harry's unreadable green eyes and tried to ignore the strange clutch of guilt that stabbed at her, resisting the urge to scoot away from her own boyfriend. "We were just about to look for you two!" she said, forcing a smile.

Ron leaned forward to whisper into her ear. "Don't let them know."

Hermione squeezed his hand reassuringly and stood up, pulling Ron with her.

Harry looked over at Ginny. "Maybe we should go to Hogs Head instead, probably fewer gawkers there."

Ron perked up and Hermione spoke up quickly, not wanting to put him in a situation where he could easily order more alcohol. "I was really looking forward to Madam Puddifoot's though. It's almost like a requirement for boyfriends and girlfriends to go to the teashop, right?"

Harry sent her a sharp glance and Hermione continued stumbling over her words awkwardly. "I mean, I know it was terrible for you with Cho but now—now—you're with Ginny, so I'm sure…" Her voice quieted. "I'm sure you'll have a brilliant time this go round."

Ginny wrapped her arm around Harry's waist, leaning up to kiss the underside of his chin. "Poor Harry, I forgot about her running out on you. Her loss."

"Ginny," Ron said in an annoyed voice, a bit grossed out.

"Oh get off it, you and Hermione looked like you were going at it just before we got in here—"

Ron started to take a threatening step towards his sister but managed to stumble over his own feet, knocking back into Hermione, and they sat down with a hard bounce back on the bed. Hermione met his panicked blue eyes as Ginny's laughter echoed.

"Ron–" Harry said sharply.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I tripped him!" Hermione laughed, her hand on the back of Ron's head, preventing him from turning to look at his sister or Harry with the guilty face he was making. They would know something was wrong as soon as they saw him. "You two start without us. We'll be right along."

Ginny laughed, but Harry's silence was oppressive. "Okay, you two lovebirds, see you in a bit!"

The door slammed loudly behind the couple and Hermione let Ron's face lift from her shoulder. Red blotches covered his face, and his eyes gleamed wetly. "Thank you."

She brushed his hair away from his face affectionately. "Let's find you some sober-up potion, then we'll get to Hogsmeade, okay?"

Ron nodded, the red of embarrassment fading from his face, but not the shame. Hermione licked her lips looking at him, before whispering softly. "I'm having nightmares, Ron."

He jolted a little, looking at her concerned. "Have you been taking dreamless sleep? I'm sure Madam Pomfrey—"

"She says I'm using it too much. She wants me to get counseling."

Ron's lips twisted as he met her gaze. "Yeah, sure, I'm sure those Slytherin bastards that aren't in Azakaban will enjoy reading about your counseling sessions."

Hermione gave a humorless laugh. He nailed it.

Ron reached up, his hand cupping her cheek. "What can I do to help you?"

"I'm going to need to make it myself. Do you think you could owl me the supplies so I don't have to get them here?"

"Of course, whatever you need."

They both smiled at each other, an unspoken pact agreed upon, they would keep each other's secrets.

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They made it to Madam Puddifoot's fairly quickly. Hermione had learned in repeating her seventh year that Slughorn was actually quite a lush and kept sober-up potions locked in his classroom desk. When she walked into the cramped horrendously pink tea shop with Ron's hand held tightly in her own, she had to avoid her own stumble as Harry's gaze seemed to cut toward her.

Ron helped her, his hand bracing on her hip. They sat at a tiny table and Hermione was squeezed between Harry and Ron. Their auror robes made them look older as if somehow she had remained a child and Ron and Harry had stepped into adulthood.

Ginny's face was bright as she talked animatedly about Quidditch. she had been nominated as the quidditch captain for the Gryffindor this year. She touched Harry frequently as she spoke, her hand on his shoulder, leaning against him slightly as she laughed.

Hermione kept her eyes away from Harry's face. She didn't want to see love on his face, that expression he had made after Ginny kissed him in sixth year. It was a sweet sort of agony having tea with them. The war was over; they had won, and she cared about them all so deeply, and yet–

Harry's hand brushed hers as they both reached for a biscuit from the platter in the middle and Hermione snatched back her hand abruptly. "Sorry." She muttered, still not looking at him. It was a struggle to act normal when her skin always seemed too sensitive when he was this close to her.

"Here," Harry said, picking up a biscuit and putting it on her plate.

"So who are you having as the keeper?" Ron asked Ginny, not noticing anything strange between Hermione and Harry.

"Well, I have some really good third years that I'm trying to give more experience to. So I mean, obviously I don't have them play against Slytherins–who are still bastards by the way–"

Ron and Ginny laughed.

The noise of the teashop faded for Hermione as Harry leaned closer to her, his voice soft. "Do you want me to leave?"

Hermione met his gaze, her hand fisting under the table, keeping her voice low. "Of course not." It wasn't Harry's fault she couldn't control her own emotions when it came to him.

Harry eyed her, seeming to be able to see everything, before nodding and turning away. Hermione breathed in deeply once his eyes were off her, trying to relax her tense shoulders. Harry seemed able to just shut away his emotions and not think of them, and she envied him a little bit for that. She was determined to honor his wishes though—if he wanted to pretend that night never happened, then she would do her best to never think of it either.

She shouldn't have taken advantage of his feelings for her as his friend, but she would handle her issues without bothering him. It would be fine. She looked over at Ron, meeting his gaze and smiling. Ron would help her and she would help him, and they would all be alright.

Glass shattered and looked to see Harry's little serving plate had split under his biscuit. Harry shrugged and a flick of his hand had his wand shooting into his grasp from his holster so he could cast a reparo. "Oops."

Ginny laughed. "How did you manage that? And wow let me see the holster, that's just like the one Moody used to wear right?"

Harry shrugged off his auror cloak unbuttoning his shirt and rolling up the sleeve so the holster was apparent. He straightened out his arm, the veins on his forearm standing out.

Tell me if you need me to stop.

Harry's voice whispered along her memory. Hermione looked at Ron, his eyes on her, speculation finally filling his gaze. She needed to get out of here. She had thought it would be fine, but this was too close and too crowded, sitting next to him, feeling the heat of his body next to her.

"As much as it pains me to miss the sight of my sister drooling over my best mate's forearm, I think me and Hermione are going to go for a walk about."

"We can come—" Harry started about to get up before Ginny stopped him, tugging on his shirt.

"I think they want to be alone—and I want to be alone with you some more." She said with a smile, leaning forward, to make sure he stayed seated, whispering something to Harry.

Ron tugged Hermione's hand and left their half-eaten biscuits and half-drunk teas, leaving a few coins for their half of the bill. Ron was quiet as they emerged onto the busy street, his hand on hers. It was cold, and their breath made puffs of air as they trudged silently next to each other, each gathering their thoughts.

They turned off High street and kept walking until it was just rows of cottages and empty faintly icy pavement ahead of them.

"So you slept with him."

Hermione jerked to a halt, sucking in her breath and staring up into his calm blue eyes. "Ron–"

He shook his head at her. "Don't lie, Hermione. I may be slow sometimes but I'm not stupid– I wondered—of course, I wondered —I always suspected there was something there… and then the Horcrux…"

"What Horcrux?"

Ron didn't answer, looking down at her a little sadly. "I really bollocks things up leaving, didn't I?"

"You came back."

He looked away from her, down towards busy High street. "Harry doesn't act the same with me anymore. He laughs and talks to me, but it's not like it was before. There's a distance."

"Ron," she said softly, not knowing what else to say. Harry behaved differently with both of them —they had both managed to hurt their relationship with the third member of their trio.

Ron blinked rapidly, looking down at her. "I just need someone Hermione, I need someone, and it's you. Don't keep secrets from me, I know something happened, but now—now you love me, right? It's going to be you and me, right?"

A tear slid down her cheek as she hugged him tightly, feeling him tremble with how vulnerable his confession had made him. "You and me." She whispered back comfortingly.