Nick Sterling-Duval makes a choice.
As two NYADA graduates contemplated their future, the start of August brought to a head the problems for the graduate of Columbia Law School. The first Monday of the month saw Nick back in the court building on Centre Street, a place that he had become reasonably familiar with since he had started his job. However, he had never felt quite so conflicted about being in the building as he did that day. He had spent hours over the last few weeks looking for any little thing that might redeem the accused in his eyes; anything that could cast even a smidgen of doubt on the evidence of his accusers. If anything, he had found only more to convict the man in question. He had of course not been able to say anything to anyone about the case, due to the needs of client confidentiality. He had finally met the man last week, and he had been left feeling soiled and dirty afterwards, and had spent hours in the shower that night trying to scrub himself clean.
Jeff had noticed that something was wrong, and had done his level best to make sure his husband was as unstressed as possible; he had taken on more work at home, and had left him to sit in his study bent over papers for hours. It broke his heart to see how forlorn he often looked after those marathon sessions though. He had held him close during the night, trying his best to act as a comfort as his sleep was disturbed by nightmares. That Monday Jeff had been up early and had made his husband his favourite breakfast, and then as he was about to leave, he had enveloped him in the tightest of hugs, hoping to instil love into him. After he had gone, Jeff turned to their son, and said "Hopefully now that the trial is starting, your daddy will soon be feeling better…" Inside, he wasn't so sure that would be true, but there was nothing he could do to alter facts. He then packed the baby bag, and with Wes strapped into his baby carrier, Jeff headed off to his shift at the diner. The one good thing about working there was that nobody objected to him bringing little Wes along…
At the court, Nick had arrived well before his boss, as he was told was always the case with Lionel Vallent. He was allowed into the courtroom, and began to set up at the defence table, averting his eyes from the prosecution team doing the same thing; he couldn't help but feel that they were looking at him as if he himself was personally guilty of all of the crimes the client had committed. To be honest, that was exactly how he already felt. Just by being where he was, by having to try and defend the heinous actions of the most immoral of men, he felt that he was breaking every pledge he had ever made to himself and others when he began to train as a lawyer. He hated that he had been placed in this position, being forced to give up his own moral compass... The last time he had done so in his life had been to keep Jeff safe back in his Senior year at Dalton; this time, he had done so just to keep his job, and to be honest, he wasn't sure that it was even worth it; he would probably be on the scrap heap soon enough anyway. In fact, he would never have done it had it not been for the fact that he had a son; not that he would ever hold it against the boy or indeed his husband, who had been so keen for them to start a family…
The door still hadn't opened again to admit his boss, and a glance at his watch made him worry, as the trial was due to start in moments. He headed to the door to look to see if he was on his way, praying that he would not get caught doing so, as that would infuriate the man. He opened the door just a crack, and what he saw immediately made him stop. There in front of him, in an otherwise empty corridor of the court, unobserved by even CCTV, were his boss and the client. The client was handing his boss a fat brown envelope, stuffed with… Nick stumbled his way back down the length of the court room, and slumped down into a chair at the defence table, his head in his hands. His boss was taking bribes right this minute, and what had already been a very bad situation had just got a thousand times worse. There was only so much that his heart and mind could tolerate; only so much his conscience could stand. That threshold had just been passed. He could bear this no longer…
"Sterling-Duval. I trust that we aren't keeping you awake?" came the voice of his employer, delivering his words with the usual mix of smarm and acid. "You see, this is the reason why you shouldn't be a father at your age, if indeed ever. I know that not having children had made me focussed and the successful lawyer that I am today."
"No sir, I am not tired. I was just having a moment of contemplation, now that I can see where all of this work is going to end up. I think that I can see exactly where that is now."
"Excellent, though I am afraid that the decision is not up to you, but a bunch of plebeians called a jury. Still, we get to select the jury, and that is where all of the work that you have done should make our lives easier. You did do an adequate job in researching the jurors, and we have a list of those that we want on the panel. That way we get the right jury; as I stated, we want to ensure there are no ethnics or coloureds, no poor, and ideally no women. No-one that will allow stupid feelings to get in the way of making the right verdict happen."
"That is not likely to be possible; the other side will have a veto."
"Oh, such things can be made to happen…" said Lionel, stopping as the judge walked into the court to stand as required, much as he hated that. Nick stumbled to his feet, and for the first time saw who the judge was….
That was the final straw; before him was the judge that had presided over Hunter's trial. The woman that had been so kind to them all, who had been so sympathetic and so just… He couldn't go through with all of the charade now, not when his conscience was screaming at him that it was so very wrong…
Before anyone could say a word, Nick found himself blurting out, "I can't do this! It's wrong! I won't do this…"
The silence in the room seemed to grow all the louder after that. Across the room, the prosecution team were staring at him as if he had just grown an extra head, full of curiosity as to what it was he would not do. The judge too was looking at him, with recognition written plainly on her face as she suddenly realised exactly who the young lawyer before her was. She was still clearly wondering why he had just said what he had…
If looks could kill though, then Nick would have been lying flat on the floor, breathing his last at that moment. Lionel Vallent was glaring at him as if he had just punched him in the face in a fit of pique, followed by spitting in his eyes and placing a knee firmly between his legs. Nick knew that this was going to be a pivotal moment in his life; one in which his whole existence altered, and now he was going to have to face the consequences of saying what he had…
"Think very carefully about what you say next, boy," came his employer's voice in a low hiss, before he said in a much louder voice, "I know that the amount of paperwork involved in assisting in such a major trial is heavy, Mr Sterling-Duval, but you will manage; after all, this is your first one, and I am sure we can overcome whatever little error you have made."
Nick stared at the man, whose conciliatory tone was so out of character, so fake for all that truly knew him. It would be so easy just to accept that out, to pretend that was the reason for his outburst, and allow the processes of the day to continue. He could hope that the jurors selected would be unswayed by his boss's arguments, that true justice would prevail, and that they would lose. Yet Nick knew that was a slim possibility; Lionel Vallent did not like to lose, and with his client clearly funding everything necessary to ensure that things didn't go that way, the odds were slim. He could not let that happen, as he would not be able to live with himself if he stood by and let justice be taken away from those that deserved it. He knew what would happen to him in any case; even if he carried on and accepted the way out, he would end up with the same punishment, and be out of the door as soon as the trial was finished. No, the band-aid was part way off; there was no sense, and no honour, in not finishing the job…
"That is not what I meant. I can't be here. I can't take part in this charade. The evidence is overwhelming and it is indisputable. I can't be party to trying to defend this case; I should have said no to you right at the very start."
"You do realise what you are saying?" Mr Vallent hissed at him, his face bright red.
"I do, and I think that everyone else will know too. That is what concerns you the most. So, I repeat, I refuse to take any further part in this. I suggest you call for a replacement to assist," Nick hissed back.
"Mr Vallent, is there an issue between yourself and your assistant?" came the judge's voice. Nick looked over at her then, and although her face was stern, he was sure that she had heard every word, and approved of what he was doing. She had a reputation of her own after all; she was known to be fair at all times, having fought for the little people herself when she was a lawyer. She would know and understand why he was doing this, although she might have wished he hadn't opted to do so so late in the day…
Before his boss could speak, Nick said, "My apologies, ma'am. I am feeling a trifle indisposed, and I believe it would be best if I left now, so as not to delay the progress of this case any further."
"Thank you for your honesty, Mr Sterling-Duval. Mr Vallent, I trust that you can replace your staff? I suggest that we adjourn the case and reconvene in 3 hours time, if that is acceptable to both sides?"
"It isn't ideal, but if young Mr Sterling-Duval is unable to continue, in the interests of fairness, then we accept," said the prosecution lead, with a smile on his face. He knew why Nick had taken his stand after all, and was more than happy he had done so. His assistant was already gathering up their papers, and the judge rose once more, and with a nod to Nick, she left the room. She was followed by the court staff and the prosecutors, leaving just Nick and a silent Lionel Vallent in the room; a man whose face was suffused with rage…
"Well, I hope that you are pleased with yourself. You have made yourself look like a complete fool; the other people in this room can now quiet clearly see that you are not cut out for this line of work. It was not a very wise move, because you have also brought shame on the firm, and worst of all, on me. This isn't law school, this is the real world. You probably think you are so smart, but actually, you are really stupid. I will still win, because that is how the system works, and anyone that has a real future in the law knows that. Right, so head back to the office. Leave the papers here, as your successor will require them, although they will struggle to do much with them due to the inadequacy of your work. When you get back, clear your desk, because you're fired. We should never have hired a faggot like you in any case; you're all the same, no backbone, just an obsession with your rights. Your kind are the ones that are destroying our nation, with your disgusting ways, your sham marriages and your half-caste children. I will return to the office in one hour; if you are still there, I will have you arrested and charged with as many felonies as I can possibly think of. Now get out of my sight…."
Nick made to get up, but then Mr Vallent spoke again. "Actually, two things first. One, I hope that your sister will forgive you for putting her name right at the top of my dismissal list; and two, the law association will hear about this, and trust me, you will never work as a lawyer in this town again. I will personally see to it; no-one crosses me, you little fag. Now go, and you now have 50 minutes to clear out…"
Nick didn't wait any longer; with all the dignity he could muster he got up from his seat and headed for the door. He resisted the temptation to say anything more. As he left the room he turned back and was sure that he saw the judge had been standing in one corner, hidden from the defence table all this time, but he could not be certain, nor was he going to wait and check it out. He moved on autopilot out of the court and into the hustle and bustle of the city, heading back to the office. It was only as he was out there on the street, walking fast, that it truly hit him; he had just been fired. He had saved his soul, but at the cost of his livelihood.
As he walked his head started to fill with everything that he knew about Mr Vallent and the way that he did business. He would definitely go for Grace now, even though none of this had anything to do with her, and the thought of that horrified him. Would she ever speak to him again after all of this? She had to work, it was her life blood; she couldn't and wouldn't depend on Cooper's salary. Could Mr Vallent stop her getting another job too? Was he that powerful? Nick felt his blood run cold as he considered his own future now. If he was that powerful, then the law degree he had worked so hard for would not be worth the paper it was written on now, not in this city… Did his power extend into New Jersey and Connecticut, because there was no way he would move out of New York, so they were options… Without knowing it, he found himself in the foyer of the office, walking past the front desk to the elevator. The staff on the desk were unaware of the situation as yet, but that would soon change. He would soon be the hot gossip of the week, but thankfully he would not be around to see it…
He did not manage to make it to his cubicle unassailed. Miss Pittman, the assistant that he shared with his fellow newbies on the floor, was waiting for him with a box. "I thought that you might need this," she said sadly, then in a whisper added, "I am so proud of you for doing this. That man is guilty as hell, and his holiness is only interested in his cut. You on the other hand are a good man, and I am so pleased to see he hasn't changed you like some…"
"Was it worth it though? He is going to go after my sister now, and he says that he can stop me working in this town again…"
"I am afraid that he can, but his sway only applies to the bigger firms; the smaller ones are different, and many of them will see what you did today as a reason to hire you. If it is any sort of consolation, the cost of this delay will fall to the firm, and there is a rumour already that the judge is going to quit the case this afternoon, which will delay things even further. As for your sister…"
"I can look out for myself, Nicky," came Grace's voice, and Nick turned round to see her standing there, arms open. He allowed himself to be pulled in for a hug, before she continued, "So you will have got the time ultimatum to clear your desk?"
"Or he is calling the cops on me…"
"So get packing," said Grace, letting him go and then taking the files from his in-tray, and glancing through them before handing them over to Miss Pittman. Nick placed his few personal effects in the box; photos of Jeff and of little Wes. He was starting to feel sick now, hoping that his husband would be just as understanding about all of this as his sister had been…
Miss Pittman had returned the files to her desk, and was about to return when her phone buzzed; for years, the doorman had given her a heads up when Mr Vallent walked in through the front door, and that signal had just been given now. She hurried back over, and spoke urgently. "He's back, in the lobby, waiting for an elevator. You need to go now, Nick." She hugged him briefly, then added "Take the service stairs; if he sees you waiting for the elevator, he will charge you, trust me. I have seen it before…"
Nick nodded, and he hastened to the stairway, Grace at his side. As the door to the landing closed behind them, they heard the elevator door open. They hurried down a couple of flights, before stepping back into the elevator lobby, taking care not to board a car that was coming from the floors above. As they headed down, Nick suddenly whispered, "What have I done, Grace?"
"The right thing, little brother," she replied firmly. "It might seem like a disaster just now, but if you had stayed here, done that trial, then it might have changed you so much that the real Nick would have started to vanish. We will talk later, but I will say this again now. Don't worry about me; I have plans for the future too, and this might actually be a help in achieving those. Now go, before he comes down and finds you still in the lobby."
Nick nodded, then head held high, he left, handing his pass to the doorman on the way out, who nodded sadly in response. He walked north, his work satchel slung over his shoulder, carrying his box, eliciting sympathetic eyes from many that he passed, not that he noticed them. All Nick could think about now was the fact that he was unemployed, and possibly unemployable; and he had to tell Jeff. He had let them down, his husband and his son. He had no idea how he would even begin the necessary conversation…
That conversation was still his primary focus as he turned into the street in the West Village that he called home. That he had made it there without being killed or injured in some way was a miracle, so blinded was he to the world around him by the turmoil in his head. He was not aware of the invisible figure at his side, that had guided his every step, ensuring that his path was safe and secure, particularly as he crossed the busy thoroughfares of the city. Blaine had been entrusted with the task, and he did not even attempt to speak to his old school friend as he walked, knowing there was nothing he could say that would offer any comfort to him, as he coped with the fact that in minutes his entire world had been turned upside down. He knew that Nick had done the right thing, but all he could dwell on now was the immediate future; his friend had put so much time and energy into getting to the point where he could practice law, and to lose all of it now had to hurt…
As they turned into the street, Blaine saw a familiar figure up ahead; knowing that Nick was safe now, he left his side and hastened towards them, aiming to give them a nudge in the direction of Nick. As it happened, his intervention was not required; Mike had already seen Nick, and had done an immediate double take, given that it was before lunch time on a Monday after all. Then he noticed the box, and was at once reminded of images he had seen on television whilst still in high school, when the financial crash had occurred. His blood instantly ran cold, and praying that he had the wrong idea, he hurried along the street. Seeing this reaction, Blaine took his leave, needed as ever in the angelic life elsewhere...
Mike got to the bottom of the steps of his one time home to see Nick just standing there at the door, not even looking for his key, but just staring blankly ahead. Mike dug in his own pocket, glad that he had retained a key to the house, for emergency purposes, and give the way that Nick was acting, this was certainly one of those moments. He walked up the steps, and then squeezed round a virtually catatonic Nick, and unlocked the door; pushing it open, he waited for his friend to notice. When he didn't, Mike gently placed a hand on his back and guided him inside. Closing the door behind them, he walked round to face Nick, and carefully took the box from him; seeing what was inside told him at once that his assumptions were correct. Shaking his head sadly, he placed the box on the hall table, and turned to face Nick again, as he stood there expressionless, but now with tears gently running down his cheeks. "Oh, Nick…" said Mike sadly, and gently wrapped his arms around him. That was all that it took for the floodgates to be opened, and in moments, Mike found himself on his knees on the floor as Nick collapsed onto him, sobbing his heart out…
Half an hour later, Mike was shaking his head in disbelief in the kitchen as Nick finished his tale of woe. He could not take in exactly what he was being told…
"I knew that this would happen if I didn't go along with it. He made it quite clear in his tone when we talked that day; that not so subtle threat. What I hate, what I cannot forgive myself for is the fact that I nearly did go along with it all; it was only when I saw who the judge was that I knew that I couldn't, because she reminded me of that trial. I guess that stupidly I was hoping for some sort of miracle, that Lionel Vallent would suddenly develop a conscience; that will never happen, as he is rotten to the very core," said Nick sadly, his eyes still red and raw.
"He will be found out for what he is one of these days; people like that don't keep on winning forever."
"I hope that you are right, Mike, but just now all that I can think of is those poor people that he is going to try and destroy with his tissue of lies," sighed Nick, grateful that he had company at this moment. "Of course, the worst of all the consequences is still to come; he promised that he would destroy my career, and Grace's for that matter; and I think that he can and will. I might never work in the law in this city again, and all because I tried to see that justice was done."
"Surely people will see that, and pay no heed to him?"
"You would think so, but other people like him will just do what he says; for others, the fact that I jeopardised the whole trial by my actions, and failed to follow the instructions of my principal, however wrong, will count against me. I might manage to get a job in some small law firm on a tiny salary, but that will be about it. Principles, it would seem, are an expensive commodity in the law…"
"I would rather have them than any job," said Mike. "You will bounce back from this, trust me."
"I hope so Mike, I really do. Before that though comes the hardest part; I have to tell Jeff what has happened, and I do not know how I even begin to do that…"
"Start by cooking dinner, and then just tell him. All that he will care about is you anyway; your happiness is all that has ever been important to him." Nick nodded, knowing that Mike was right, but all the same…
Jeff knew that something was wrong the moment that he and little Wes got back from the Spotlight that night. It was before six, and the whole house smelt of cooking; dinner for certain, but he could detect an undernote of cookies. He had been expecting to be the first home, as Nick was always late home on trial days, and he had told him that morning that it would be after eight before he arrived home. By the aroma coming from downstairs, he had been home for hours…
He said nothing though as he walked down the stairs to find Nick at the stove, stirring a pot, in his shirt and tie, his suit jacket thrown casually on the couch. He smiled at his husband as he saw him, pausing to stroke Caleb, who was as usual rubbing himself in greeting against his legs. He placed a sleeping Wes in his crib, and smiled as Nick left his cooking to come and stand beside him, looking down at their son. "He has been good as gold all day," said Jeff cheerily. "Everyone at the diner fussed over him, as usual… So, what has happened, Nicky? Your suit jacket isn't hung up for a start. You've been home for hours, and don't deny it; I can smell the cookies that you baked."
"I can't hide anything from you, can I Jeffie… Yeah, something pretty big has happened. I've managed to get myself sacked. If my boss has his way, I will probably never work as a lawyer in this city again…"
Jeff looked at Nick uncomprehendingly; he couldn't understand what he had just been told. "You've been fired? But why, Nicky? You are such a good lawyer, and you have a good heart. Why would anyone want to sack you?"
"Because I broke the number one rule Jeffie. I said something out loud in the court which meant that the other side knew that I had no confidence in my case. I said it of course because I didn't have any in it, because I knew that the man in question was guilty, and I couldn't bring myself to stand there and try to argue that he wasn't. I am such an idiot, because I couldn't do what I am always supposed to do, and put my client first. That is why Mr Vallent fired me, and in that way, he was right to do so."
"No he wasn't! If he was guilty, and all of the evidence was there pointing to that fact, then you had to say something. Anyone that had a sense of right and wrong would do that!"
"Not if you're a lawyer, apparently. According to Mr Vallent, a good lawyer has to play it the way that the person that is paying them tells it. Maybe all of this is a good thing, because maybe I have been kidding myself all along; maybe law isn't for me, not in the real world. The big guy always wins, and the little folks lose, and that is how it has been since time began. Mr Vallent just pointed out what I should have known from day one; I am just not cut out for a law career."
Jeff snapped at that statement, driven by the sadness in his husband's face and tone. "That is baloney, Nicky, and we both know it! You have a sense of right and wrong that everyone else should envy, not try and defeat. You would never let anyone get away with breaking the rules, and you would defend someone's rights until your last breath! That is a good thing, and if the rest of the world cannot see what a wonderful, kind, loving man I am married to, then they are the ones with the problem!" Jeff stopped his tirade as he saw that Nick's eyes were now wet, and so he did what he needed to do. He took his husband into his arms and held him close, ignoring the tears that were forming in his own eyes at seeing the man he loved so broken and downhearted.
Eventually Jeff managed to steer Nick to the dining table, and into a seat; then he went to serve the dinner his husband had cooked. Nick had prepared spaghetti and meatballs, and if the sauce was a little overcooked and burnt, neither of them mentioned it. For dessert, Nick had prepared tiramisu as a treat for Jeff; he served it up as he insisted that Nick just sit at the table. Once he had plated two portions, he came back over to the table, and before putting a spoon in his mouth, said, "Okay, so I will call up Michelle in the morning, and tell her that I want to come back to work more or less full time; there are always shifts at this time of year, so it shouldn't be an issue. You can stay at home and look after little Wes; when you need to go to interviews and stuff, you can bring him to me at the Spotlight, because it won't be an issue for anyone."
"Jeffie, I can't let you do that," Nick blurted out. "You have your drawings to do, so if anyone should be asking Michelle for shifts, it should be me."
"And how do you get your CV out there if you're behind the counter at the Spotlight?"
"My CV? There isn't any real point in doing that, because even though he is probably the most odious man on the planet, Lionel Vallent has power. If he says don't hire him, then they won't hire me."
"We try first, and then, if that is the case, we go with Plan B, and exploit your other talent. We get you back into college so that you can earn all the necessary diplomas and stuff, and then we open up a bakery. Your cakes and cookies would sell so well, and you enjoy baking just as much as you love the law."
"That's true," said Nick with a hint of a smile for a second, but then despair and anger set in again. "It is just so unfair, Jeffie! The bad guys have won, and I hate it!"
"They will lose in the end, and you will win, trust me. Right, so just now I suggest we eat our dessert, wash up, and then after we get little Wes settled into his bed for the night, we run ourselves a nice hot bath and try and forget everything for a little while."
"That sounds good, my love," replied Nick, with a smile painted on his face. Inside his heart was broken, and it was all he could do not to just burst into tears again. He had to try for his husband and son though…