A/N: New longest chapter! Finally broke 1k words for one of these chapters. I'm having a rough night, and this is probably my favourite chapter so far, so I thought I'd post it to cheer myself up. Probably a weird thing to use for cheering up given the context, but. Oh well. Hope you enjoy.

The cool evening air and the mess of thoughts swirling in his head sober him up before he's walking through the door and into his home – their home, the home he shares with Blaine, his husband.

Blaine is in the living room, curled up on the couch with his laptop and a mug of tea on the small table beside him. He looks up as Kurt enters the room, a look of mild surprise flitting across his face.

"You're home early," Blaine says simply.

"Yeah," Kurt says, voice coming out a little funny.

Blaine frowns, shifts in his spot and sliding his laptop onto the coffee table so he can properly give Kurt his attention. "Is everything okay?"

Is everything okay? How does he even begin to answer that? Everything is so far from okay – not just tonight, but the past two years, at least, nothing is okay.

"Kurt?"

Kurt blinks hard, focuses his gaze back to Blaine and realizes he still hasn't answered Blaine's question.

"No."

He says it quietly, but the word rings loud in his ears, the admission that no, everything is not okay, he's not okay, they're not okay and nothing is okay and he doesn't know how to make it okay.

"Come here," Blaine says simply, reaching out to Kurt, and Kurt goes to him, lets Blaine wrap him up in his arms, curling into his side and trying to relish in the comfort of his husband's embrace while he can, because… he has to tell him.

And he doesn't know what Blaine will say when he does.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Blaine's voice is careful, hesitant, and Kurt hates himself because that's his fault. His fault for snapping every time Blaine suggested something was wrong, every time Blaine tried to be there for Kurt in the past year and Kurt told him he was fine.

Every time Kurt lied.

How do you tell your husband you kissed another man?

How do you tell your husband you wish that's what kissing him felt like?

"I kissed him." It's a breath more than a whisper, so quiet he wouldn't even have thought Blaine had heard except for the sharp intake of breath, the stiffening of his arms still wrapped around Kurt.

"Sebastian?" Blaine asks, voice even.

Kurt nods into Blaine's chest. "I didn't– I didn't mean to, I don't know what happened. I don't– I'm sorry, Blaine."

They sit there together in silence for a long while, unmoving, until Blaine finally speaks again.

"What happened?" It sounds almost more like a statement than a question, but Blaine's voice wavers and Kurt knows he's just trying to hold it together.

Kurt sucks in a breath. "We were drinking, and I tripped and he caught me. And he was right there and I don't know what happened, I just… I kissed him." The final words come out as a whisper again, like he can't bring himself to utter them at full volume under this roof.

"You kissed him, or he kissed you?" Blaine asks, sounds a little desperate.

It feels like a hand constricting around his heart when he says, "I did," can't make himself say I kissed him again.

Blaine takes in a ragged, watery breath, trying to keep himself in check, and his arms withdraw from Kurt in favour of curling around his own torso.

Kurt sits up, looks to Blaine who's avoiding his gaze. "Blaine, I'm so sorry. I don't know– I came right home after, I just– I was just drunk, I don't know what happened."

He moves to lay a hand on Blaine's arm but his husband flinches away, and he draws his hand back, holds it to his chest as he watches Blaine slowly start to fall apart in front of him.

Blaine looks up then, meets his eyes again finally. "Do you still love me?"

His heart aches with the question, the thought of Blaine feeling like Kurt doesn't love him anymore. The fact that Kurt can't even blame him for feeling that way, not really. Of course he feels unloved. How had Kurt ever thought himself capable of giving Blaine the love he deserves?

"Of course I love you. Blaine, I will never stop loving you. Please, I am so sorry, you can be mad at me and yell at me and I deserve it but I swear, I have never stopped loving you. It didn't mean anything, I was just–"

"Don't lie to me."

Kurt stutters to a halt, blinking at Blaine confusedly. "I'm not lying, I love you, Blaine–"

"No, not that, it… it meant something." He says it like its obvious.

Maybe it is.

"Right?"

Kurt swallows, manages somehow to keep his gaze steady on Blaine.

"It was only a kiss." It's not really a denial, but it's all he can say, because Blaine's right and he's not sure he can admit that right now, not when Blaine is looking at him like that.

A tear rolls down Blaine's cheek, and his voice quivers as he asks, "Do you love him?"

"No."

It's true. He cares about Sebastian, he can even acknowledge – if only to himself, for now – that he has feelings for Sebastian… but he doesn't love him. He's not sure what it is, exactly, but he knows it's not love.

Blaine's nod is near-imperceptible. "I, um. I need to think."

Kurt just nods silently back.

Blaine takes in a slow, steadying breath, breathes it out slowly, then stands and looks to Kurt. "I think I'm going to sleep in Ella's room tonight."

"I'm sorry," Kurt breathes again.

"Me, too," Blaine murmurs.

Kurt wants to argue – Blaine has nothing to be sorry for. Blaine has done everything right, Kurt is the one who keeps fucking up, who can't fix anything, and not only can he not fix things but he's breaking them, now, too. But he doesn't, because he knows Blaine, and he knows it won't do any good. Not right now. Instead, he lets Blaine walk away, down the hall until he ducks into their daughter's old bedroom and the door clicks softly closed behind him.