Chapter 22
(Phoebe's POV)
"Good Good now turn left here," I say. I am driving with Claire. She is an excellent driver. I have not felt scared once. Nathan is back at work today so I am taking Claire to get lunch with my mom.
"Perfect now this driveway right here," I say and Claire's mouth drops open as she pulls up to my childhood home.
"This is where you lived?" She asks.
"Yes, birth to 18," I say and she smiles.
"Wow," she says. She gets out of the car and smooths out her yellow romper. She dresses better than I ever will. I am just in jeans and a cute tank top. She looks nervous.
"What's going on girl?" I ask her.
"They'll like me right?" She asks. I smile and squeeze her shoulder.
"Claire, they will love you trust me," I say and she smiles nodding.
I walk up and knock. My mom quickly opens the door and scolds me for knocking. She always tells me just to walk in. I give her a hug.
"Hi sweetheart," she says and kisses my head.
"Hi momma," I say and hug her tightly.
"You must be, Claire," my mom says smiling. "It is so nice to meet you, sweetheart," my mom says.
"Can I hug you?" My mom asks and Claire nods smiling. Seeing them hug warms my heart. My mom holds Claire at arms length.
"You are just stunning," my mom says and it is true she is.
"Oh thank you," Claire says and blushes.
"Well come in," my mom says. We decided to have lunch here. Claire's favorite meal is grilled cheese and tomato soup and Gail has a famous recipe. We are eating on the porch. It is a wonderful day out.
"Your house is lovely, Mrs. Grey," Claire says.
"Oh thank you sweetheart, and please call me Ana," she says. Claire nods smiling.
My mom gets us each an iced tea as we head out on the patio. We take our seats looking out over their breathtaking view. I hope Nathan and I get a house someday with a view like this. It is just absolutely beautiful.
"So Claire, tell me all about you," my mom says.
"Well I'm Claire," she says giggling a bit. "I am 15 and about to be 16. I go to Seattle North High School. I am going to be a junior next year, so all my friends can already drive. I want to go to college for fashion or business. Umm I don't know what else," she says and blushes.
"You should tell Phoebe's cousin you are interested in fashion. She'll kidnap you," my mom teases and we laugh.
Gail brings out plates of food. I invite her to join us, but she is meeting Taylor for lunch. I hug her and she heads out.
"Oh my gosh this is amazing," Claire says as she takes a bite of her bacon jalapeño grilled cheese.
"Isn't it," I smile.
"So how has living with Phoebe been?" My mom asks and I smirk.
"Amazing. Her and Nathan are my best friends," she says and I have to hold back tears.
"They are pretty great," my mom agrees.
"What do you do Mrs. Grey- I mean Ana?" Claire says and blushes. I smile at her sweetness.
"I am a CEO of a publishing company," my mom says and she nods.
"That's so cool. I like to read," she says. I did not know that. I should show her the secret library, we never use it, I didn't even think to show her.
"What do you like to read?" My mom asks her.
"Mystery mostly," she says and blushes.
"Me too. What's your favorite book?" My mom asks.
"Umm probably The Witness or Married at Last," she says. My mom's face lights up. I'm not the biggest reader so I take a back seat in this conversation.
"I published The Witness," she says and Claire's face looks shocked.
"No way, that ending is crazy," Claire says.
"I know as soon as I read the manuscript I couldn't put it down," my mom says.
"Sloan by the end was ruthless," she says and my mom nods.
We bring our plates inside and my mom refills our drinks. "So tell me, Claire. What kind of cake do you like?" My mom asks.
"Umm I like any kind really. Lemon or red velvet are probably my favorite." She says and I smile. Lemon is one of my favorites too.
"I see that smirk Phoebe Grey," I let it slide as my mom calls me Phoebe Grey.
"Phoebe loves lemon cake," my mom says. Claire gives me a big smile.
"Thank you guys for hosting a party for me and Nathan," Claire says.
"Well of course we couldn't not celebrate your big day," my mom says and smiles. I laugh as Claire blushes.
All of a sudden the door opens and I see my dad. I am surprised and a little nervous as he is not supposed to be here right now. I don't want Claire to get too overwhelmed by new males especially with what happened at the mall the other day.
"Christian, what are you doing home?" my mom says.
"My office is being painted, remember?" He tells my mom. "I'm working from home the rest of the day," he says. I smile as my dad comes over hugging me.
"Hi Bubs," he says and kisses my head.
"Dad, this is Claire. Claire this is my dad," I say. She is back to her shy self.
"Hi, Mr. Grey," Claire says. She shakes his hand. She looks terrified. My dad can be scary.
"Hi Claire, it's so nice to meet you. I am Christian," he says.
"Did you ladies have lunch?" My dad asks.
"Yes, it was amazing," I say.
"Great, Claire are you all settled in at Phoebe's?" My dad asks.
"Yes, it's lovely there," Claire says timidly.
"Don't give her too much credit," my dad says and we all laugh.
"So you are a sophomore in high school?" My dad asks.
"Yes but I'll be a junior in the fall," she says.
"Junior year is a big one," he says and she nods smiling.
"Have you met Ava or Teddy yet?" He asks and Claire and I shake our heads.
"I thought I would break her in with you and mom," I smile.
"Hey we aren't the ones you have to be worried about," he says and smiles.
"No not at all," I smirk.
"Claire, is there anything we can get you for your birthday?" My dad asks.
"Oh my goodness, you guys have done enough," Claire says.
"We have to get you something," my mom says.
"The party is enough," she smiles. Claire is looking down and starts to fidget with her hands. My dad is looking at her with a face I don't recognize. Somewhere between understanding and sadness.
"Well Claire Nathan will be home soon and we said we were going to make dinner for him so we should probably head out," I say. She looks up nodding.
"Can we give you anything to take? Claire, are you still hungry at all?" My dad asks.
"I am stuffed, thank you though," she smiles.
My mom gives Claire a hug goodbye. My dad is in complete understanding of her situation. He gives her a knuckle touch making her laugh. I can see she is relieved that he didn't try to hug her. I have to remember to talk to Teddy and Andrew about that.
I give Claire the keys to go start the car and she heads outside. "She's a very sweet girl," my mom says and I nod. It's true she is.
"You can see she's afraid," my dad says sadly.
"She is, but she was like that with Nathan at first. She will warm up to you. Males are just very scary for her," I say and he nods.
"I think the fact that you knuckle touched her has made you cool now," I say and laugh.
"I didn't want her to feel pressure to hug me or anything like that," he says and I nod smiling.
"You're doing great with her," my mom says and I smile.
"She makes it easy," I say. I hug both of them goodbye.
"I'm proud of you," my dad says as he hugs me.
"Thanks Dad," I smile.
I head out to the car and get in the passenger side. "You ready?" I ask smiling and she nods.
"I really like your parents," she says and I smile.
"I didn't know my dad was going to be there," I should have asked if he was coming around.
"I'm okay, Phoebe," she says and looks at me.
"I know, I just don't want you to feel overwhelmed," I say and she nods.
"Thank you," she says. She drives home perfectly and parks the car. We get out and head upstairs. We are making taco salads tonight. I was going to make margaritas, but I still haven't gotten my period. Having Claire here has been good because I haven't even thought about it.
"Okay, I am going to cook the taco meat, do you want to chop the vegetables?" I ask her.
"Yes and I am pretty good at making guacamole if you want me to," she says.
"I would love that," I say and she smiles. I turn on some light music as we cook. We chat back and forth about random things.
"Phoebe, can I ask you something?" Claire says.
"Of course," I say as I stir the meat.
"How did you know Nathan was the one?" She asks. She catches me off guard. I did not know she was going to ask that.
"I knew he was the one when he made time for me. He would pick me over his friends. He was there when I needed him," I say. "Quality time is really important for me and he always showed up for me," I say and she nods.
"Why do you ask?" I say.
"Just wondering. You guys have been together for so long," she says and I nod looking at my wedding ring.
"It has been a long time," I say.
"Did you ever date other people?" She asks.
"I did, but never seriously. He was my first and last serious boyfriend," I say and she nods.
"That's awesome, I wish," she says. I look over at her. She is effortlessly stunning. I would have been intimidated by her in high school.
"You will find someone. I got very lucky. I don't know any high school boys who are mature enough to handle a serious relationship," I say and she nods.
"I know that," she laughs and I smile.
The door opens and Nathan walks in. "hi girls," he says and walks in kissing my head.
"Hi Nathan," Claire says.
"How was your day?" I ask.
"It was great, I had two surgeries and then one consult," he says and I nod.
"What did you ladies do?" He asks.
"We went to my parents and Claire drove around. Then we came back and made dinner," I say.
"Glad to see Claire didn't kill you both," he says and I laugh.
"Hey I'm good," Claire says and I nod.
"She is very good. You'll take her tomorrow," I say and he looks scared.
"Right Nathan," Claire smiles sweetly.
"Yeah yeah," he says and I laugh.
"Why don't you set the table instead of sitting there looking pretty," I say and get everything in bowls.
I place everything on the table and sit down across from Nathan. Claire sits next to me.
"It looks great, thank you ladies," he says.
"Claire made most of it. I just did the taco meat," I say. She smiles looking down. We all fill our plates and eat the taco salads.
Dinner is amazing and after we all head to our rooms. Claire says she has drivers ed and I want to get to bed early because of work tomorrow. I get into my pjs and climb into bed.
I turn on some random television and rest. Nathan comes out after his shower. He takes off his towel and puts on boxers. After he climbs into bed with me. I smile at him as he scoots closer to me.
"How's my girl?" He asks. I still get butterflies when he calls me his.
"I'm good. I missed you today," I smile. He kisses my head and I rest against his chest.
"How was she with your mom," he asks.
"She was great with her. My dad surprised us and came home because his office was being painted," I say and Nathan looks down as he scratches my back soothingly.
"Was she okay?" He asks nervously.
"She was great. I think after a few minutes she started to get anxious so we left, but she did well," I say and he nods.
"So you think Sunday will be okay?" He asks.
"I'm going to call Teddy and Andrew and make sure they are updated on her situation," I say and he nods kissing my head again.
"Bee," Nathan says. I look up at him. I can see he wants to ask me something.
"What?" I ask.
"You haven't… have you gotten your period?" He asks. My stomach drops. I was hoping he wouldn't talk about this.
"Not yet," I say. I'm only a day late though. My period is pretty irregular still.
"Okay," he says, sensing I don't want to talk about this.
"Goodnight," he says and I kiss him.
"Night," I say and close my eyes, going to sleep.
—
When I first get into work the next morning it feels weird. I only took 5 days off, but it feels like months. I situate everything in my office and head down to Henry. He has been on my mind constantly. He still doesn't have a foster placement. I need to talk to Nathan about this.
I wash my hands and go into his room. "Hi my friend," I say. He looks over and stands up in his crib. The biggest smile plastered on his face.
"Bee bee," he says and reaches for me. I quickly walk over and undo his crib gate. He lunges out and I hug him.
"Miss you," he says and I smile sitting down on the couch in his room.
"I missed you more," I say. I tickle his belly and he giggles.
"Bee bee let's play," he says.
"Okay, let's play," I say and he gets out his toy car. A nurse walks in just as we get out of the car.
"Is his diaper dry?" She asks. I check and nod my head.
"Thanks Phoebe," she says and walks out.
"No urse," he says, meaning nurse.
"She just wanted to check your diaper," I say and he ignores me zooming a car across the room.
"Fast," he says and I nod.
"Very fast," I say.
"Bee bee sing," he says. Oh no. I sang once and when I do he goes into fits of giggles.
"The snow glows white on the mountain tonight," I sing and he throws his head back laughing.
"No Princess songs," he says and I giggle.
"Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore," I sing and he laughs so hard holding his car. I am obsessed with his belly laugh.
"So funny Bee," he says and I smile. He hasn't gotten his surgery yet. Nathan is going to do it, but they are monitoring his stomach before to make sure it's necessary.
I look at the time and realize I have a meeting. I pick him up and start to rock him rubbing his back. I hate leaving him when he is awake, so I try to get him to nap whenever I leave. It is pretty easy for him to fall asleep. I set him in his crib and walked out.
I have meetings the rest of the day that are pretty uneventful. I visit one patient in the ER who needs support. It goes well and I head back to my office. I have Lia the hospital social worker come to my office before I leave. I am sitting in my chair as she knocks. I smile as she comes in and sits down.
"How is Claire?" She asks.
"Amazing, she drove me around yesterday. We are having her birthday party on Sunday," I say and Lia smiles.
"That is great, everytime I talk to her she boasts about you and Nathan," she says and I smile.
"So I have to talk to you about one of your patients," she says and my stomach drops.
"A group home opened up and has four more spots as four kids just got adopted," she says and I smile.
"That's great for those kids," I say and she nods.
"Well, as you know no one has stepped forward to take Henry," she says and my body goes numb. No.
"Right," I say, keeping my professional face on.
"Well, after his surgery we are going to be placing him there, unless you as his psychologist have differing opinions on how that would be detrimental to his health," she says and I want to stand up and say it would be. But I know that paperwork and there is no way I could argue mental health for a 2 year old.
"You and I both know nothing will come of that," I say, kind of annoyed she even suggested something.
"I have to say that to cover my ass, Phoebe," she says and I nod.
"Do you really think a home with a lot of other foster kids can handle a two year old who has a lot of needs and is still in a diaper?" I ask.
"Well the parents are both trauma trained, and have room," she says. "He has spent too much time in a hospital room, Phoebe. He is only 2 and hasn't seen outside those four walls in awhile," she says and I want to yell and scream. I want to take him home and have him be my baby.
"When is this happening?" I ask.
"Well, since the state hasn't approved the surgery he is going there tomorrow," she says. "He will come back when it is time for the surgery," Tears prick the back of my eyes. I need her to leave before I break. I know this is unprofessional as I am supposed to not get emotionally attached, but Henry is my baby. He is the first patient that has affected me like this.
"Okay," I nod and she looks at me.
"Well I should be going," she says and I nod.
"Have a good night," I say and she says to wish Claire her best. As soon as the door closes tears come pouring down my face. I can't take him home now. I know I should have acted sooner. I take a tissue and clear my face off. I need to say bye to Henry.
I head down to his room for the second time today. I wash my hands and head in. He is playing with a toy in his crib. "Bee?" He looks confused but then gets the biggest smile. A single tear rolls down my face. I shut the door.
I take him out of his crib and sit with him on my lap in the rocking chair. He is telling me about his car. Most of his words are gibberish, but I sit and listen. He looked up at me and I didn't realize I was crying.
"Bee cwy?" He says and wipes a tear that falls.
"No sad," he says and hugs me. It takes everything out of me not to sob.
"I am okay, Bee Bee is okay," I say and he smiles holding up his car.
After 15 minutes I know I need to say goodbye. I hug him to my chest and he blows me a kiss as I walk out. I rush to the elevators and run to my car. When I get in I break down. I drive as I cry and I look and see I was supposed to be home 30 minutes ago. Shit.
When I pull into the parking lot I clean myself up. I put on some powder under my eyes and walked in. Nathan and Claire are sitting at the table waiting. I feel so bad. All I want to do is be alone. "Hi guys, I am sorry I am late, a meeting ran late," I say and muster the biggest smile I can.
"It is okay, we made chicken penne," Claire smiles. I kiss Nathan's head and then Claire's head. I sit down at the table. I feel Nathan staring at me. He always knows.
"So how was your day?" I ask Claire.
"It was great, Nathan let me have my friend Jenna over that you guys met. We finished our drivers ed courses and made cookies, there are some up on the counter if you want to try one," she says.
"I will have to try one," I smile.
"Nathan what did you do today?" I ask him. My mind floats to Henry who knows nothing about what is about to happen.
"I worked out, I had a conference call and then helped decorate cookies," he says, winking at Claire, making her laugh. I smile at their banter.
"How was work?" Nathan asks, squeezing my hand.
"It was great," I say with a fake smile. It was horrible, I want to scream and to cry.
"Good," Nathan says.
After dinner, Nathan does the dishes as I say I am going to shower. I go into the bathroom and strip down. I start the shower and tears fall down my face. I take off my makeup as I cry. I get into the shower and start to sob.
His little smile and voice going into a group home breaks me. I want him to have full attention. I want him to be so happy. The water stings against my skin, but I don't turn it down. I need this. I wash myself.
The door to the bathroom opens and Nathan strips. Fuck. I can't deal with this right now. I step forward as he comes in behind me. He starts caressing my hips and kissing my neck. I don't say anything as tears slip down my face. His hand slips down my front and touches me there. I gasp and bite my lip.
"How does that feel," He whispers sensually. I can't even focus on this. A sob breaks through my lips and Nathan has never moved so quickly to drop his hands and spin me to face him.
"Bee, I.." I know he feels so bad for not knowing. I would reassure him but the only sound I can make is a sob. I cry and he looks so confused. He takes me in his arms. I cry into his chest. I feel his hardness between us.
"Bee, what is going on," he says and I shake my head.
"Please, just let me be alone," I say and he holds me at arms length.
"Bee," he says again and I pull back. I just want to be alone.
"Please," I say and he nods. He kisses my head and gets out wrapping a towel around his waist. He quickly leaves the bathroom. I start to cry into the water. I am so angry at myself. I should have offered to foster him. He wouldn't be going to a group home.
After I sit in the shower and cry out everything I have, the water starts to run cold. I get out and dry off. I put on Nathan's boxers and a big tshirt. I brush my hair out and look at my swollen face. I put on moisturizer and walk out. Nathan is pacing the floor and running his hand through his hair. He is in his grey sweats. He looks so good with his tan. I freeze and feel horrible. I didn't mean to hurt him.
"Phoebe," he says and stays in his spot.
I climb into bed and he sits down facing me. I shake my head and take a deep breath. "I'm sorry," I say and he shakes his head.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, my behavior…," he runs his hands through his hair. "I would have never done that if I knew, you were upset I would have never," he says and I shake my head.
"Nathan," I say and take a deep breath. "I am not upset with you. You did nothing wrong," I say and grab his hand kissing it.
"Why were you upset? Did something happen at work?" He asks and I nod.
"What is going on?" He asks.
"Henry is being sent to a group home tomorrow," I say. Saying the words out loud makes my heart drop again. Nathan looks at me. He knows how much Henry means to me.
"Bee," he says and I shake my head leaning forward putting my face in my hands crying.
"We should have fostered him," I say and all of a sudden there is a gasp. I look up and Claire is holding a plate of cookies. If looks could break someone her face. I know all she heard is "we should have fostered him."
"Claire, honey come here," I say and she shakes her head.
"I brought you this," she says and sets the cookies down with a note. She runs out of the room and Nathan calls after her.
"Fuck," I say and start crying even harder.
(I am sorry for the mini cliffhanger! I will be updating soon! If you celebrate Easter, Happy Easter! XOXO)