Jpov
I'd gone to bed before Harper had emerged from the Reflecting Pool, but I'd sort of expected it. I'd also expected Sunday to be nothing but hours and hours of researching and strategizing which it was. Harper and Libby pulling all the titles from the shelves they thought might be relevant to whatever the hell was going on in the mythological world, and debating with Lucy and I the advisability of informing Olympus of what we'd discovered.
Everyone was making arguments both for and against it, and no one seemed to be able to make up their minds.
By the evening however, there was a wrench in the plans.
There was the sound of thundering footsteps as someone raced up the steps to the main floor of the library, and suddenly, a tall, broad shouldered figure burst into the room, familiar green eyes narrowing at Harper.
"Harper!" Charlie shouted his tread a bit unsteady as he stormed towards his twin.
"Oh good gods." She muttered putting her face in her hands as Ashton and Charlie's girlfriend Annie, traipsed in after him, Ashton a bit sheepish while Annie looked mortified.
"We tried to talk him out of it." Ashton said apologetically, but Charlie waved him off.
"Stay out of this Ash."
"Is he drunk already?" I asked appalled, and Ashton shrugged a little helplessly.
"Are you kidding me?" Charlie said holding up a phone to Harper who looked annoyed, apparently showing her a text. "You are not canceling our birthday plans again! Not this year!"
"It's your birthday?" Libby asked sounding surprised and Harper sighed.
"Charlie-"
"Nope." He said shaking his head.
"We've got work to do."
"You allllwaaaays have work to do." Charlie said dragging out the word and throwing up his hands, apparently unimpressed with the excuse. "But you can't skip our twenty first."
"Oh yes I can." Harper grumbled mulishly.
Lucy, who was sitting a near by table with Libby, was grinning, apparently enjoying the spectacle while Libby just looked a bit confused. She looked at Harper.
"You don't want to go out?"
"She never wants to go out." Charlie said glowering at his sister and pointing an accusatory finger at her. "But you can't skip this year. It's a mile stone."
"Maybe for you."
"Fine." Charlie said shocking everyone by putting his hands on Harper's desk, and swiping the papers off of it before sitting on the surface. "If you're determined to be such a grump, then I'm going to sit here and ruin it for the both of us."
I chalked it up to the copious amounts of alcohol Charlie must have had today to pull such a stupid move, because before the paper and scrolls had even hit the floor, they'd changed direction and started pelting him.
"Ouch, Harper! Quit it!" he shouted arms swinging like a demented windmill to protect himself, and Ashton, clearly sensing the start of another infamous Davis twin squabble said.
"It's one night Bambi."
"But-"
"You'll regret it if you don't."
His voice was calm and for a second, it looked as if she wanted to argue, but he smiled at her and almost instantly her resolve melted.
"Fine." She sighed, releasing Charlie from his literary assailants and he glared at her.
"Well now I'm not sure I want you to go."
"Too late." Ashton said clapping him on the shoulder while Annie rushed over to Harper, instructing her to get changed and offering to do her make up.
"You two coming?" Charlie asked looking between Lucy and I.
"Just to watch you be sick all night?" Lucy asked making a face. "No thanks."
"I think I'll pass." I agreed, but Harper looked worried.
"You should probably come." She said, her expression troubled. "If there's going to be so many of us out together, we'll be a magnet for monsters in the area. Especially if people are intoxicated."
Normally, Harper wouldn't have been too concerned about something like this, in fact, usually she was the one calling me paranoid, but clearly the events of yesterday had her feeling a bit more cautious than usual. She didn't often invite me out on nights with Ashton. In fact, I was pretty sure I could count that number on one hand.
"What about you Libby?" Charlie asked and I could tell by her expression the offer had surprised her.
"I can't drink…" she answered scratching the back of her head sounding a little embarrassed.
Charlie looked confused.
"Why not?"
"She's nineteen idiot." Ashton said smacking the back of his head.
"Ow," he protested, shooting Ashton a wounded look. "That doesn't mean she can't come. Besides, sounds like we've got a designated driver."
Libby didn't look too thrilled about this prospect.
"I'm DDing." Ashton reminded Charlie.
"Ride shares are a thing." Annie pointed out, clearly wanting Ashton to get in on the fun.
"I think you should go." Lucy said rather unexpectedly.
Everyone looked at her.
"What? I can work on the sequences for now," she gestured towards the tablets at the table in front of her, then to Libby. "And Libby can work on them when she comes back if there's anymore to be done. James is a total stick in the mud." she added, her tone implying she thought she was being helpful. "He'll need someone to talk to."
"Thank you, Luce." I said irritably and she smirked.
"Any time."
Libby glanced at me, then at Harper who shrugged, and Annie let out an excited squeal rushing over to Libby who's eyes widened in alarm.
"You have to let me dress you up. It's been forever since I've been able to style a blonde."
"Uh, alright." She said as Annie dragged her and Harper in the direction of Harper's room leaving me with the boys and Lucy.
"Where are you guys going?" she asked curiously. "A club?"
Charlie scoffed.
"Not if we don't want Harper to leave by nine thirty."
"We're doing a bar crawl." Ashton explained. "On our campus."
At this Lucy, grinned.
"You just want free drinks."
At this Charlie smirked and Ashton shrugged, and I resigned myself to babysitting a bunch of drunken idiots for the night.
Not my idea of a fun.
I expected the girls to take forever, but Annie must have had marching orders for the evening, because they were back within an hour. Annie still in the same white jump suit she'd arrived in, Harper, dressed a bit nicer than usual, with a green top, a necklace with an outline of the sun, a gift from Ashton for their anniversary, shorts, and a pair of sandals, no doubt due to the heat as it was summer. Libby though…
"Are you sure you don't have anything else?" She asked uncomfortably tugging at a short black dress and heels that tied up her legs, easily giving her four inches on Harper's height. Her hair was out of its usual pony tail and set in pretty waves down her back, and for the first time in memory, she was wearing make up.
She looked older. Nothing like the talkative kid I'd gotten to know in the infirmary what was now starting to feel like a very long time ago…
"We can stop by your apartment and pick something else up if you want." Harper assured her.
"Er no." Lucy said looking at Harper as if she was mad. "Harper, are you blind? She looks amazing. Don't you want free alcohol?"
"Thank you." Annie said pointedly, glowering at Harper and Libby who exchanged exasperated looks.
"You do look great." Charlie encouraged while Ashton shot him a look that was hard to read, and despite the fact Libby had glanced at me, I figured it was better for everyone's safety if I remained silent. Ashton was likely to try murder me if I said anything remotely close to what I was thinking when looking at his sister at the moment, and I figured Harper wouldn't appreciate having a fiance in the ER on her birthday.
"You both do." Ashton said grinning at Harper who shot him a glowing smile.
"Besides, we don't have time." Charlie said steering the conversation back to the evening ahead. "We have a lot of places we want to hit tonight. We don't have time for detours."
Libby didn't look very excited, but didn't argue as the group started moving towards the steps.
She hesitated, as if she wasn't truly certain she belonged before looking back at me.
"Can you hold my wallet?" she asked awkwardly. "I don't have a purse, and this thing doesn't have any pockets."
She gestured towards the dress which, frankly, I had to avoid looking at, when something seemed to occur to her.
"Oh, hold on a second."
She clopped off a bit awkwardly towards the dormitories, clearly not used to walking in heels and I could practically feel my sister's eyes boring into the back of my head as I watched her.
"I can feel you looking at me." I said turning to see Lucy waggling her eyebrows at me. "I hate you."
"Good luuuuuuuck." She said in a sing song voice.
Libby came trotting back into the room carrying a bundle of fabric in her arms and said.
"Your jacket. I just realized I never gave it back to you."
She handed it to me, along with her wallet and keys and made an apologetic shrug. Not for the first time, I found myself distressed by the number of bills in it.
'Well, on the bright side,' I thought. 'If I had was holding it, it was much less likely something would happen.'
"You need a hand there?" I asked noticing her wobble slightly and she scowled.
"I hate walking in these damn things."
"You look gorgeous." I assured her and she blushed.
Then again, she always did.
"Thanks." She said looking away and I refused to look at my sister.
"We'd better catch up with the others." She said eventually and I followed her after the group.
"Have fun." Lucy said brightly and while Libby gave her a smile and a wave, I shot her a rude gesture which Lucy returned with a pleasant smile.
The others had congregated by the door to the mortal world, which was glowing by the time we'd reached it. Clearly, they'd been waiting for us and as we filed to step through it, I felt Libby grab my arm.
"I'm probably gonna need help staying up right." She muttered sounding a little embarrassed and gesturing towards her shoes.
"No problem." I said with a grin.
I noticed Annie shoot us a sidelong look before stepping forwards with Charlie after Ashton and Harper.
Libby took what looked like a deep, almost bracing breath, before letting me drag her into the Interrealm.
She was right. When we crashed into the mortal world, Libby almost immediately stumbled and lost her balance. I caught her easily, picking her up to avoid a rolled ankle and saw that Ashton was stabilizing Harper. Charlie, both inebriated and not as practiced traveling through the doors was on the ground, but had managed to remain somewhat of a gentleman, taking the brunt of the fall for both Annie and her outfit.
Harper helped her up, while Ashton, who'd managed to shoot me a look, reached down and pulled up Charlie.
I set Libby down very aware that we had some of the groups attention and looked around.
We seemed to be on the main street of a fairly large college town, already students hitting the bars for the evening.
"C'mon." Charlie said excitedly, taking Annie's hand and dragging her towards a door. "This place has the best hot wings. I swear the level four sauce made half the team puke."
"Wonderful." Harper muttered darkly and Ashton grinned down at her before mimicking Charlie, taking her hand, and pulling her after her brother and his girlfriend at a slower pace.
"This is going to be a long night, isn't it?" Libby asked a little gloomily looking up at me, her light eyes tinged with pink as it reflected the neon of the sign in the window behind me.
"Could be fun." I said trying to sound positive, and she raised an eyebrow in obvious skepticism. "At the very least we can get a video of Charlie vomiting so Lucy doesn't feel like she's missed out."
Libby laughed and I grinned, surprised, but not unhappy when she took my hand and dragged me after the others.
…
Three stops in and Charlie was completely gone, and despite her best efforts, even Harper seemed to be having a good time. She was several drinks down, sitting on Ashton's lap in a booth laughing her cheeks flushed, while Charlie and Annie were out on the dance floor.
They'd run into several of Ashton and Charlie's teammates at the last bar, not that I was surprised, turning our small group into an obnoxious rolling wave of drunk college kids signing what I assumed were badly out of tune university fight songs and the occasional pop culture hit that everyone but I seemed to know. It was an absolute train wreck, but kind of a fun one to watch.
"So much for free drinks." Libby said with a sigh sitting at the bar next to me, frowning at the very prominent Xs that had been marked on the back of her hands, but smiling as she saw a very tipsy Harper messing up Ashton's hair.
"I'll buy you a drink." I said with a shrug, a twinge of guilt surging through me.
I had a feeling that being under the legal drinking age in the states had a lot less to do with Libby not getting attention, than the fact I was glaring down just about every bloke who got within five feet of her. I didn't think she'd noticed, but there had been plenty.
"Really?" she said perking up, looking a bit excited.
"Sure. What do you want?"
She looked around the bar for a moment, clearly searching for inspiration, then spotted a pink drink in a martini glass a few tables away, a light stick propped against the rim, flashing erratically in a range of colors.
"That looks cool." She said eagerly and I turned to the bartender.
"She'll have a coke."
"Gods you're no fun." Libby groaned as the bartender, who looked a bit annoyed to be bothered with anything but a 'real drink', filled a glass and slid it in front of her.
"No charge." He said gruffly then moved further down the bar to take an order from a group of girls that were clearly here for a bachelorette party.
"Well." I said grinning at Libby. "Looks like you got your free drink after all."
"Bars never charge for soda." She said sourly and wrinkling her nose at me in the way I found so adorable. "It's not fair." She continued looking pointedly at the beer next to me. "Everyone else gets to drink."
"Well you can always come to a pub with me in London." I suggested. "Where alcohol laws make sense."
"Or you can just buy me something now." She countered.
"Yeah, I'm not bailing you out of the drunk tank on Harper's birthday Lib." I said flatly and she rolled her eyes.
"I would not end up in the drunk tank." She said in exasperation. It was loud in the bar, and she was practically shouting over the music. "Besides," she added taking a sip of her soda. "I think Charlie is the one you have to worry about."
I followed her gaze out to the dance floor where Charlie and a few of his team members, along with their dates, were holding up yet another round of shots.
"He's going to be hurting tomorrow morning." She smirked, but her expression faded as she looked over the crowd that was moving to the beat of a pop song I didn't recognize. The tempo was upbeat, but the singer sounded positively depressed.
"Do you want to dance?" I asked surprising myself and she shook her head.
"No, I might kill myself in these shoes." She said with a slightly embarrassed smile.
She hesitated for a moment, then said.
"It's kind of hot in here. Do you want to go outside for a minute?"
I glanced at my drink, which was barely half empty, then back at the dance floor, wondering at the advisability of the only two sober half bloods stepping away from any monster related situation that could be brewing in such a big crowd.
But Libby was looking hopeful and there didn't seem to be any immediate problems, so I shrugged and said.
"Sure."
I left a twenty on the bar and walked out after Libby, noticing that the sun had gone down at some point while we were in the building and the temperature outside had plummeted.
Libby must have noticed it too, because she crossed her arms over her chest, clearly trying to hide a shiver.
"You're not fooling anyone, Lib." I said amused, shrugging off my jacket and handing it to her.
"Thanks." She said gratefully.
"No problem."
A couple of men passing on the side walk shouted at her in an obvious cat call and before I could stop myself, I glowered at them and snapped.
"Piss off."
They shouted back in poor, inebriated attempts to mock my accent but wobbled away and Libby watched them go over her shoulder, her expression annoyed.
"I think I prefer scrubs." She said with a sigh and I grinned, trying to force the idiots to the back of my mind.
"Well, scrubs or not, I'd buy you a drink anyways."
"You didn't buy me anything." She pointed out stubbornly.
"Well, I tried to."
"You could buy me a slice of pizza." She said gesturing towards a shop across the street her expression hopeful. "I'm starving. I haven't had anything to eat since lunch."
"I'm pretty sure I'm carrying more of your money than my own at the moment." I pointed out and, not for the first time, I was almost certain she hadn't really thought about what she was going to say before it fell out of her mouth.
"Yeah, but I look super cute right now, therefore your argument is irrelevant."
Her voice had been confident, but I could see Libby immediately regret her words as I raised an eyebrow and she played them back in her head. She was right though, the familiar look of mild panic that darted across her features as she'd realized what she'd just said was incredibly adorable.
"Alright." I said shrugging and she looked surprised.
"Really?"
I nodded.
"Really. You've convinced me."
She hesitated for a moment, clearly wondering if I was kidding, then, when she saw I wasn't, grabbed my hand, eagerly pulling me across the street, and we ducked into the shop which was full of the same twenty somethings that were filtering in and out of the bars.
"You know." I started as we left the queue and found a table on the sidewalk, watching as she struggled to manage a string of cheese that had managed to stretch all the way from the bite she'd just taken to the plate. "I can't help but feel like I was tricked into buying you food."
Despite the cooling temperature, it was a nice night, and I was a bit relieved to be away from the noise the bar. Sitting here, watching strangers ignore us as they continued to walk down the street, felt sort of peaceful. Especially compared to the rest of the evening.
"I'm wearing stilettoes." Libby said remorselessly, finally managing to get the mozzarella under control. "My feet are in too much pain to feel sorry for you."
"I'm not going to end up carrying you for the rest of the night, am I?"
"You might." She said contemplatively, then when she caught my smirk said. "I don't want to hear it James. You try walking in these things for hours."
"Don't you run marathons?" I asked her and she let out an indignant snort of laughter.
"What am I? An amazon?" she asked. "I run fun runs, for charity. And go out for brunch with Anna afterwards, so vast amounts of carbs are usually involved."
She completed this sentence as if it proved some sort of point and I looked at her, uncertain why such a small thing like buying Libby pizza and teasing her when she was hungry on a night out felt so… satisfying.
"The roommate who doesn't like me, right?" I asked and she waved the question away, a gesture that had her looking a lot like her brother as she dismissed the thought.
"Anna worries about me too much." She said easily. "She thinks she needs to act like a big sister or something, to protect me from the world and all it's dangerous heart breaking bad boys because I'm too nice or naive or whatever she's convinced herself."
She shook her head and I could tell that this bothered her more than she wanted to let on.
"You do tend to assume the best in people." I pointed out and was surprised when she looked frustrated.
"That doesn't mean I'm stupid." She countered sounding a bit upset. "Or that I'm an idiot around guys."
She looked away.
"I mean, I know I'm not the coolest person in the world, but it's not like I haven't had boyfriends or-"
"Hey." I said cutting her off and placing my hand on hers on the table between us. Clearly this caught her off guard because when she glanced back at me, she looked uncertain. "I don't think you're an idiot Libby, and for the record I don't think it's stupid you try to look for the positive things in life. It's actually pretty admirable."
Her eyes met mine.
"And who cares what your roommate thinks anyway?" I asked. "How many magical tattoos does she have? That's pretty cool if you ask me."
She smiled but before she had a chance to respond, I felt my phone buzz and saw it was a text from Harper. Several of the letters misspelled beyond even the point of autocorrect saving.
"We'd better head back." I said trying not to sound disappointed. "It looks like the herd of drunk college students are on the move."
I glanced up to see Libby was rapidly trying to finish her pizza, and found that as we crossed the street, I was pleased when she once again took my hand.
She dropped it after I helped her up the curb, but a part of me wondered if that was only because her brother was walking out of the bar, carrying Harper on his back like some pitiful baby koala clinging for dear life to it's tree.
He seemed to be in a good mood however, because when his gaze caught mine, he grinned and said.
"She's a sleepy drunk."
"I need caffeine." Harper groaned as Charlie walked out from behind the pair and gave her a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.
"Time to rally Harps. We've got at least two more bars we've got to hit and an after party once everything shuts down."
"Noooo." She whined in horror.
It turned into a shuddering yawn, but Ashton was already heading towards the nearest convenience store, several of their friends gathering around the two, excited that for once, their star player had gotten his reclusive partner to come out with them.
I grinned, watching as Harper leaned her head on Ashton's shoulder, then looked at Libby who also seemed sufficiently amused.
"Insufferable, aren't they?" I asked her.
"Oh totally." She agreed. "But it's kind of sweet. Look how proud he is buying her that energy drink."
She nodded through the store window, where Ashton was indeed walking towards the check-out, massive Redbull in hand.
"Complete dorks."
"True." I said grinning thinking even just a day ago, I might have actually laughed, but now…
I glanced at Libby, who's mood had picked up considerably since she'd extorted a meal from me.
Now I sort of got it.
I had a feeling to Ashton, it wasn't about the drink, or the 'perfect fiancé' points doing little things like that would earn him. He wanted Harper to be happy, and he wanted to be the person that made that happen.
The group spilled back onto the sidewalk and started, chaotically, to make their way to the next bar. Libby and I followed a beat behind them and I had to admit, I wasn't exactly thrilled about the country western theme until I stepped further into the building and saw what was set up in prominent display in the center of the room.
"Oh this is going to be hilarious." I said as Libby cackled, immediately pulling out her phone.
"I'm going to get so much blackmail on Ashton."
Passed the bar and the high tops was what was very clearly a mechanical bull. A man in a cowboy hat hopped into the inflatable ring as country music started blaring and he clambered up on to the machine. I figured he must be a regular, because he managed to stay in the seat an impressive amount of time before he was launched off, much to the delight of the crowd that had gathered to watch, and began cheering as he got back to his feet.
"Do you think we could get him to square dance?" Libby asked, brining me back to the conversation and I glanced at her, feeling... something, though I wasn't quite sure what it was.
"Harper could." I said considering the matter. "That's probably your best angle."
"You're right." She agreed, her tone thoughtful. "Now you just have to convince Harper, to convince Ashton."
"I have to?" I asked raising an eyebrow and she nodded eagerly. "Why do I have to?"
But despite the question, I already knew I was going to do it and as this notion solidified in my thoughts, I realized the emotion that was buzzing through me was excitement. An excitement that I hadn't felt for a very long time, since I was a kid really. It was the sort of feeling you only got from convincing your friends to do something both ridiculous, incredibly stupid, purely for the sake of having a laugh. There was absolutely no point to this, and yet, I was determined to make it happen.
"Because you're better at getting her to do stuff than I am!" She insisted. "Don't you want to have humiliating footage of Ashton square dancing?"
"Absolutely." I said grinning. "I don't know why I doubted you."
She smiled and instantly, I knew I was done for. I felt like a teenager again, noticing for the first time a girl was watching me play football with my mates on break between classes. That same sudden flash of awareness as her eyes met mine, that seemed to filter out everything for a moment as I realized what was happening. Why she was looking at me, and why it had caught my attention.
Only this time, instead of simply inflating my ego, I actually cared.
'Gods.' I thought, my heart constricting slightly as it's beating picked up. 'Was this what Ashton felt each time he spotted Harper watching him on the court?'
No wonder he was obsessed with her. I could get used to Libby looking at me like that...
"You have your objective." She said conspiratorially, and I had to force myself to focus. "Operation blackmail is a foot. Don't fail me James."
"Wouldn't dream of it love." I said smirking and making my way towards the bar, ordering a beer and something that sounded like a cavity in glass just by the name.
I walked over to Harper who was watching Ashton and a few of the younger players on the team as they played a round of darts.
"Happy birthday Harps." I said putting the glass in front of her.
"It is so loud in here." She said with a frown then looked at the drink which was comprised of different colored layers, yellow, blue and red at the bottom. "What is this?"
"Mostly pineapple juice from what it looks like." I said with a grin. "So you'll probably like it."
She took a cautious sip.
"Oh that is good." She said happily.
I caught Libby's gaze at another table and she gave me a thumbs up, but was distracted momentarily as one Ashton's teammates sauntered up to her. He clearly wanted to chat her up, and suddenly, I felt an irrational stab of irritation go through me. It it was quickly dispelled, however, as Libby, much savvier in this sort of situation than I would have expected, gestured towards Ashton across the bar. I saw as she said the word 'brother', which practically sent the guy sprinting in the opposite direction to get away from her.
I knew why, no one wanted to be the prat caught trying to flirt with the star player's little sister, and the look of absolute panic on his features almost had me feeling sorry for the guy.
I grinned, and when she spotted me, she rolled her eyes.
Feeling suddenly, in a much better mood, I turned my gaze back to the table thinking I really couldn't blame the bloke. Libby did look amazing, but felt a sense of unease when I realized Harper was looking at me, cheeks flushed, but her gaze as sharp as ever as she considered me.
"Pathetic Albright."
"I don't know what you're talking about Davis." I said shrugging before shooting her one of my most persuasive smiles and her eyes narrowed.
"What do you want?"
"Nothing." I said easily. "But do you know what would be extremely amusing…"
...
That was how most of the evening went, Libby and I following around after Charlie and Ashton's group of friends, coming up with ways to mess with her brother as slowly but surely, the night devolved. It concluded at a house party which quite honestly, got a little out of hand by the end but Libby seemed to enjoy, her instinctive sense of aim winning her almost any drinking game played with a ping pong ball.
It was well into the morning by the time we'd tracked Harper down to send Libby back to her apartment as she had work in the afternoon.
Harper's brain must have still been a bit fuzzy from alcohol however, because she over shot it a bit, and we ended up outside the clinic rather than Libby's apartment. I didn't mind the walk though.
"This is pure gold." Libby said grinning as she watched a video of Ashton looking completely lost on the dance floor at the country bar, as the regulars danced circles around him, or maybe squares. "I'm sending it to all our siblings."
She'd taken several photos over the night including one where Harper had been forced into a tiara and birthday sash by Annie, the number twenty one flashing amongst the fake rhinestones. It had caused a cascade of drinks to be sent our way and maybe that was why, she had another photo of Charlie, later that night, wearing that same tiara, his leg stuck in a bar stool. He'd accidentally stepped though it, trying to make room for a couple trying to close their tab and took at least three people down with him as he'd crashed to the floor. She had a video of Annie, the epitome of elegance and class, I honestly wasn't sure how Charlie had convinced her to go out with him let along for so long, joining an impromptu run way walk competition at the last bar, demolishing the competition of several girls, and a surprising amount of players from the team.
"This one might be my favorite." She said smirking showing me her screen and I saw it was a photo of an extremely intoxicated Charlie, who'd thrown his arm around me as I gave him a sidelong look of extreme judgement. "Lucy's right." She said frowning as she continued to swipe through her photos. "I don't think you can take a bad picture."
"The trick is to keep expectations low." I said. "If everyone thinks you're a grouchy git, no one expects you to smile."
"You have a nice smile, James." She said in exasperation, as if she thought it was a crime I didn't use it more often.
"Thank you darling." I said glancing at her. "So do you."
The statement was immediately rewarded with one in response.
"You're not that grouchy." She said charitably pocketing her phone and linking her arm with mine as we continued to walk.
"Sure I am." I said easily looking back down the street.
She was still wearing my jacket and yes, I suspected that probably had something to do with my above average mood. It was dark, but the sidewalks were well lit, and pretty abandoned as we continued to make our way towards her apartment building.
"Maybe sometimes." She conceded. "But for the most part you're…"
She hesitated which caught my interest and I looked at her from the corner of my eye.
"I'm what?" I asked unable to help but be curious what Libby thought of me and she smiled, looking a little embarrassed as she said.
"You're pretty sweet James."
"Rubbish." I said shaking my head. "I'm manly and taciturn, and bad tempered."
"You watch Disney movies to keep your sister happy."
"It keeps the peace."
"You make sure Harper eats. And act as an alarm clock when she has to get up early."
"That's practicality. Harper's useless if she passes out from a drop in blood sugar and I don't want to wait around for her all morning."
"You didn't have to give me your jacket, or walk me home."
"You're walking on tooth picks." I argued. "You can't run if you bump into the Hydra."
"And your excuse for the jacket?" she countered raising an eyebrow.
I hesitated, trying to think of an answer.
"Social conditioning." I said trying to keep my voice flat. "Lucy forced me into watching too many romantic comedies growing up."
"Will you just admit you're a nice person?" Libby said throwing her hands up in exasperation and I smirked.
"But this is so much more fun."
"Gods I take it back," she groaned. "You're the worst."
I chuckled.
"You are so easy to wind up."
"You should be nice to me." She insisted, pointing a finger at me.
"And why is that?"
"Because I said so."
"Or what?" I asked mockingly glancing down at her. "You going to get your big brother to teach me a lesson?"
I would love to see Ashton try.
"No, you'd probably enjoy that." She said astutely before her lips curled into a cat like smile, and I was alarmed at what it did to my ability to concentrate on anything but her. "I'll get Lucy to do it."
"Wicked woman."
"Don't you forget it." she said sounding satisfied before sliding her arm back through mine.
"You know you've been pretty bossy tonight." I said glancing down at her. "You should be careful, otherwise I'll get flash backs to the infirmary."
Her eyes crinkled in amusement.
"Don't pretend like you don't love it."
"What? Being bossed around?" I asked with a laugh and she nodded, her expression superior.
"Mhmm. And I think it's you who should be careful James."
"Really?"
Another nod.
"And why is that?"
"Keep messing with me and I'm going force you on to a vitamin regiment."
It was such an odd thing to say, I stopped and looked at her, uncertain if she was serious.
"And this is supposed to a threat?" I asked her and she grinned.
We'd reached her apartment building and a part of me was hoping that like Mel, she'd ask me to walk her to her door inside.
She didn't however.
"It'll be super strict." she continued, turning to face me, crossing her arms over her chest as if she meant business. "Some have to be in the morning, while others at night. Some will have to be taken with food even three hours or added to water while and the rest on an empty stomach. The instructions I write out for you will be incredibly confusing, naturally. You'll be so busy setting timers and calculating ratios your whole world will be turned upside down. Nothing but macros and stress."
"Is that so?" I asked quietly and she shrugged.
"It is." she said her tone matter of fact, as if this was something I'd already agreed to, and her smile widened as I narrowed my eyes at her, mirroring her stubborn posture and crossing my arms over my chest.
"And how exactly do you plan on enforcing that Lib?"
"I can't, obviously." But she sounded unconcerned. "You are in fact, much stronger than I am, but if you don't do it, well...
She sighed, looking away for dramatic effect and I felt my eyes narrow further in suspicion.
"Well what?"
"Well I guess I'd be just so very disappointed in you."
She wielded the world like a weapon, her expression changing the moment it was spoken and when she glanced back at me, she suddenly looked so heart broken, you'd have thought she'd just watched me toss a baby deer to the bottom of a well.
"That was uncalled for." I said darkly, but she didn't let up and I sighed. "Would they at least taste good?
She smiled, and it was evil. But for some reason, I loved it.
"Adult brand only." She smirked. "All of them taste like chalk."
"Something is wrong with you." I said frowning and when she laughed, I was convinced it could have banished even the most determined of nights.
"Thanks for coming tonight." I said quietly. "Lucy was right, it was nice to have someone to talk to."
Usually I couldn't stand being forced around Ashton and Charlie, and their mates. It didn't happen much, but it had happened enough that I knew I didn't like it. Tonight had been different however, enjoyable even, and I knew it was because of her.
"Sure." She said shrugging. "I mean, it is my job after all, making sure you have fun. That was my objective for the night."
"I'd say it was a resounding success then."
"Good to know." She smiled, but it faded a little, before she said. "Can I ask you something?"
"Is it an odd question?"
"No." she muttered looking down, apparently a little self-conscious as she added. "It's fairly straight forward."
"How disappointing." I teased and shot me stubborn look.
It was adorable.
"Yesterday, or two days ago I guess, technically," she shook her head evidently to clear her thoughts. "When Harper dislocated her shoulder, why were you so upset?"
She sounded unhappy, and her expression was anxious as I felt a sick sensation creeping through me at the memory.
And just like that, the illusion of the night shattered along with every funny or positive feeling that had accompanied.
The sound of the cliff face splintering echoed in my mind, both Harper and Libby's startled expressions burned into my memory banks as they realized what was happening. Guilt flooded through me like poison, eating at me from the inside. Guilt and anger.
'What was I doing?' I thought furiously. 'Why was I acting like I was normal person?'
Like someone who could go out for an evening and spend it flirting with a pretty girl on my friend's birthday...
That wasn't who I was. It never had been. That wasn't my life.
At what point during the night had I turned into such an idiot?
"Harper said you were mad at yourself," Libby continued, as if she was catching some of my train of thought. "But I don't really understand why. And if it was because of me-"
"Libby, stop." I said cutting her off before she could spiral and she bit her lip, her eyes uncertain as the met mine. "You cannot possibly blame yourself for a rock slide."
I'd been stupid, so incredibly stupid to spend the whole night talking to her, but even knowing that, it still bothered me that she was looking so nervous, that I knew it was because of me. And I was furious with myself for losing my head yesterday. For upsetting her.
I knew I'd hurt her when I'd pulled away in Brazil. I'd regretted it the moment I'd done it, seeing the hurt and confusion in her eyes, and it had only made me even more angry with myself. But I hadn't been able to handle it in the moment, sympathy from any one, let alone someone like her.
"You can't blame yourself for that either." She said incredulously.
"But I can blame myself for letting Harper get hurt." I said and she frowned.
"Let her?" she asked in confusion. "James, it was a freak accident, you didn't let-"
I cut her off.
"Libby, you don't understand." I said shaking my head, trying to find away to explain the situation without drowning in the guilt that it caused. That I knew I deserved.
I'd never forget how bad Harper had looked after that fall, and the feeling when I saw her, of knowing it was my fault.
'She's your best friend.' a voice said nastily in the back of my mind, as the image of Harper, bruised and bloody, and in serious pain flared to life in my minds eye. 'She's your best friend and you let that happen to her.'
Guilt roiled within me, twisting my stomach so tightly, I thought I might actually be sick.
'What kind of person would do that?' It asked savagely as dark, twisted emotions snaked their way out of memories I'd tried to repress. The same memories that accosted me every time I got too close to the Labyrinth, or what was inside it, got too close to me. 'Just let that happen to someone they cared about, the person who's been the most loyal to them in the world. What makes you any better than the monsters, really?'
"James?"
Libby's voice brought me back to the present.
"James, what's wrong?"
I forced myself to look at her, but gods, it was hard.
"You know how half blood senses are different from mortals right? How we're wired?"
She nodded.
"Imagine it's like that, but between me and you. Any normal demigod." I said quietly and letting out a sigh. "What happened to me, it didn't just make me stronger. I see the world differently than you do Lib. Experience it differently. I process information more quickly. I saw what was coming before either you or Harper did." I continued my voice barely a whisper, feeling both too ashamed to look at her, but unable to glance away, and the weight of the confession didn't help. "I had a choice."
"A choice?" she repeated sounding confused, but then her eyes went slightly wider, realization coming to life behind her eyes. "Her arm. It dislocated when she was trying to shield her head."
Guilt flooded through me at her words, tearing at me from the inside, as well as a tidal wave of remorse and this time, I managed to look away.
"You need to realize, Libby, Harper and I, we don't exactly have a normal relationship." I said softly. "She's not just my best friend. She saved my life. My sister's life. She gave us a home when we had nowhere else to go when she rightfully could have hated me. She should have hated me." I let out a hollow laugh. "Instead, she protected us, not just from the gods but the titans, monsters, camp, everything. If something happens to Harper, I don't just lose my best friend Libby." I continued, my voice going tight. "All of that unravels. I lose everything."
My voice shook a little, and I felt my heart rate spike as my breathing shallowed.
It was hard, when I remembered things like this, not to feel like these last four years I'd been living passed an expiration date. A number that should have been up at eighteen, like I was on borrowed time. And it wasn't just me that was effected if I let that time run out. It effected my sister too. And I never wanted to lose my best friend.
So why had none of that mattered when I saw that rock hurtling towards Libby? Why hadn't it even crossed my mind?
I felt Libby's hand take mine. And I felt a sick sense of guilt as I realized how calming I found it to be.
It was warm, but unlike Ashton, Libby wasn't a walking furnace carrying around the heat of a sweltering summer. No, it was far more pleasant. Like the first day of fine weather in spring, after a particularly miserable winter.
It was perfect. Maybe that's why, despite the soul crushing guilt I'd experienced lately, unlike at the temple I couldn't let go. Not this time. It was too comforting I couldn't bring myself to pull away this time even I knew I should.
I didn't think I could stand Libby looking at me like she had down in Brazil right now. Hurt and disappointed. I'd rather go round after round with all the hybrids we could find then put myself through that again.
"I owe Harper everything Libby." I said softly. "We do almost everything together. Our lives are so messed up, so tangled up in our parents fucked up world I don't even know how you'd even begin to separate us. I'm not even sure you can. We're friends, but we also need each other to stay alive. But when I saw what was about to happen, when I had a choice to make, it was like it wasn't a choice at all."
I looked at her and her expression for once was impossible to read.
"Libby I didn't give it a thought. By the time I figured out you were alright, I'd forgotten Harper was even there."
I heard the callousness in my own tone, the anger with myself I'd been trying to push back from the moment I'd realized what I'd done.
It wasn't productive I knew that. Harper wasn't even mad. I knew if I'd told her what had happened, she'd have understood, would have told me I'd made the right call. But that wasn't the point, because it hadn't been a judgement call. It hadn't been a prioritization of danger like Libby had said.
I'd chosen Libby over my best friend. I'd chosen her over everything, my sister, our protection, our home, and the one person in all of the worlds, who kept it all going. I hadn't even hesitated.
What did that say about me?
It was as if I was that same little kid in Tartarus, shaking and terrified, staring down my own sister as the Titan within her slowly burned away at her life force. Telling me to make a choice, Lucy, or the rest of the world.
But I wasn't a kid anymore. I didn't have that excuse. And it was a lesson I clearly hadn't learned.
"James. You panicked." Libby said incredulously. "It happens."
"I don't panic Libby." I said stiffly. I couldn't afford to. "I'm not some pathetic little kid getting kicked around by the Titans anymore. What use am I to anyone if I can't protect them?" I asked feeling my chest start to tighten. "If something as simple as a damn rock-"
The question was cut short, however, as Libby pulled me into a surprisingly bone crushing hug and despite the compression, it seemed to loosen something within me.
"James, it was a freak accident." She said her voice measured and reassuring. "I know your life has been super screwed up, and you probably think all terrible outcomes are basically inevitable, but you have to let this one go."
She looked up at me, and though I hadn't returned the embrace, she didn't give up.
"It's over." She said locking her arms tighter around me, as if she were trying to squeeze the air out of my lungs. "The rocks aren't going to hunt Harper down to finish the job."
I down looked at her, so surprised at this statement, it had shocked me out of my miserable train of thought.
"Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?" I asked her.
"Yeah, that's how ridiculous you're being."
"Libby," I started trying to step back but she held tighter. It was like wearing an extremely clingy apron.
"How do I get out of this?" I asked.
"By being nicer to yourself."
"I thought I was supposed to be nice to you?"
"You can do both James."
"I'm pretty sure I can't." I said and she went dead weight on me. "Ok, Ok, fine. Blimey Lib," I said putting an arm around her as slowly but surely, she started to slip towards the ground. "Stand up before I have to drag you up to your apartment."
She smirked, looking pleased with herself and got back to her feet.
I looked at her.
"You are so weird." I said eventually.
"Yeah? Well you're stubborn." She frowned, her expression reproving. "It takes unconventional methods to get you to see sense."
"Unconventional methods, eh?" I asked. "I'm going to change my contact for you to that."
"And what should I change yours to?" she asked sweetly. "Grouchy git?"
"A bit unoriginal, but it gets the point across I guess." I said with a shrug. "Come to think of it, Luce might have already taken that one."
"Too late." Libby said pulling out her phone, her thumbs tapping quickly across the screen. "Look, I even added a fowny face."
She indicated the emoticon looking extremely pleased with herself.
"So weird." I repeated and she shrugged, apparently unconcerned.
She glanced at the building.
"I should probably head in." she sighed. "I've got work tomorrow. I need to go to sleep eventually."
"Yeah probably." I agreed, trying not to sound as disappointed as I felt. Despite how angry I was for letting myself spend so much time with her, and everything that had caused, I didn't want to see her go.
"Thanks for letting me borrow your jacket." She said sliding it off her shoulders and handing it back to me.
"Anytime love."
She smiled.
"Night James."
"Good night Libby."
I watched her walk up the stairs into the building, through the glass doors, and wait for the elevator, feeling an odd mix of emotions running through me.
They felt strangely distant. As if someone next to me was experiencing the emotions, and I was only catching them in brief flashes, still aware of their presence, but not as affected by it.
The guilt and shame that had threatened to consume me yesterday had lessened, the anger almost entirely gone. The anxiety was still there, but the bitterness seemed to vanish as I saw Libby absentmindedly brush her hair behind her ear, before glancing at her phone, probably to check the time, and as the bitterness drained out of me, so did the regret.
Yes, I was remorseful for what I'd done, and what I'd let happen. I still felt responsible for Harper getting hurt, and the fact that I allowed it still scared me.
But did I regret it?
The image of Libby smiling darted across my minds eye, and the way she'd laughed when I'd told her something was wrong with her. It was accompanied by others, Libby, gesturing excitedly as she and Lucy talked about one of their insane television shows, scowling when dealing with a difficult patient in the infirmary, the way she bit her pen when she researching in the library. Her stubborn expression when she was irritated with me, blushing when she'd said something without thinking, and the look of absolute concentration right as she was about to hit a target dead center, or something in the infirmary had gone very, very wrong.
No.
I wasn't going to lie to myself and said that I did.
The answer in my mind was certain, unshakable and as Libby stepped on to the elevator, I watched her go, feeling a strange sense of anticipation that was unfamiliar to me.
I didn't understand it. There was nothing really, that I had to look forward too. Actually, this week was looking to be somewhat irritating with Medusa coming in and no doubt long hours of looking into this concerning situation we'd stumbled upon in the mythological world. But none of these rationalizations changed anything.
I felt unsettled, jittery even, like some had forced me to swallow a bunch of caffeine pills, and I was almost certain I didn't want to know as to why.
I unlocked my phone and selected Harper's name on the list of recent calls.
To my surprise, it was Ashton's voice on the other end of it.
"Harper fell asleep." He said apologetically. "She's with us at the apartment." He continued, referencing the place he shared with Charlie just off campus at his univerisity. "I can wake her up."
"Don't worry about it." I said, surprised Ashton had bothered to answer the call at all. I wouldn't have if I were him.
'But he wasn't me.' I thought a dryly.
Ashton was like Libby, and Libby would have answered the call.
"You sure?" he asked and he sounded unsure.
"Yeah, let her sleep it off. It's a nice night." I said looking around the street then up at the stars. "I could do with a walk."
"Harper's pretty solidly asleep." He said and I could tell he was frowning. "She won't be awake for hours."
"Relax Ashton." I said rolling my eyes. "This isn't my first night with nowhere to go. I'll be fine."
I could tell by the silence on his end of the line that this statement had made him uncomfortable, and I figured the private school attending, only child of a world-class surgeon had probably never had to worry about not having a bed to sleep in before.
I couldn't really bring myself to care.
He sighed.
"I can't believe I'm saying this." He pressed, and indeed he sounded almost pained as he continued. "But you should call Libby. You're still on her campus, aren't you?"
Harper must have mentioned I'd taken her home.
"I'm fine, Wells." I said with a bite of impatience, but not exactly sure where it was coming from. "I don't need your help. Besides, her roommate hates me."
"Girls got a good head on her shoulders." He muttered.
"Very funny."
He sighed again and it only caused my irritation to increase.
"Her roommate is out of town." he explained. "She told me earlier."
That caught me off guard.
"Oh." I said, surprised by this information. "Well, either way, I'm fine."
"I'm telling Libby to call you." he said flatly, clearly having run out of patience and hung up before I could argue the point.
Within thirty seconds Libby's name appeared on my phone.
"Why is Ashton texting me to call you and calling you names?"
"It must run in the family."
There was a recognizable ding over the line that told me she'd probably received another message.
"He says you're still outside?" she asked her tone accusatory.
"Apparently, Harper fell asleep."
"So… you're stranded?"
"I'm fine."
But I'd already heard a door close on the other end of the line and sighed, resigning myself to being 'rescued'.
Sure enough, not two minutes later she was jogging down the steps, her hair wet from a shower, make up washed away. Slippers had replaced the heels, and she was wearing an oversized long sleeve that fell almost to her knees, covering what I assumed would be a pair of sleep shorts.
"I think your shirt ate you." I remarked.
"Just get inside." She said in exasperation gesturing towards the building, the sleeves, which were far too long, flailing dramatically as if to emphasize her point.
"Is there any point in arguing with you over this?"
"No." she said stubbornly.
"Fine." I said with a sigh.
I knew Libby well enough to know that with something like this, she would, inevitably, get her way.
I followed her up the steps and to the elevator. What she said when she unlocked her apartment door, however, surprised me.
"My rooms over there." She nodded towards a door to her right, the one I'd seen her step behind to change before going to the library what felt like ages ago.
"What?"
"Over there." She said gesturing towards it a second time. "Sorry, the blankets are kind of girly, but they're really soft. I bought a memory foam mattress topper so it should be pretty comfortable."
It was then that I realized what she was on about.
"Don't be daft, Libby." I said incredulously. "I'm not taking your bed. I can kip out here."
I nodded to the couch and her expression was doubtful.
"Don't be daft?" she asked sounding just as disbelieving as I felt. "James, there's no way you're fitting on that couch, you're way too tall."
"I'm not taking your bed." I repeated firmly, and when her eyes darted towards mine and I saw she clearly intended to argue, I continued. "Believe me Lib, I've slept in worse places."
"Alright." She said uncertainly walking over to a hall closet, taking out a spare blanket and pillow, and tossing them to me. "But if you need your spine realigned don't blame me."
I caught them easily and grinned at her.
"If I need a chiropractor, I'll make sure to send you the bill."
"I'm not even sure a chiropractor could help you." she said frowning. "Not a mortal one surely. They wouldn't be strong enough."
"Guess it will have to be you then." I said flopping down on the couch and she smiled.
"I'll make Ashton do it. Just to make you both miserable."
"Wicked, wicked, woman." I muttered and she laughed.
"Night, James." She said cheerfully.
"Good night, Libby."
She switched off the light, heading towards her room and I looked through my phone for a while, trying not to think about anything that had happened tonight or over the last few days, and not looking forward to trying to find a comfortable sleeping position.
She was right of course, the couch was far too small for me, but there was no way in either Olympus or Hades I was taking her bed from her.
I'd just put my phone down and leaned back against the cushions, hovering in that half state between dreaming and awake, when a sudden shriek and a thump from Libby's room caused me to start. Before I was even aware of what I was doing I vaulted over the back of the couch, and darted towards her door, wrenching it open.
"Libby?" I called feeling adrenaline pour into my system, only to spot flash of movement and catch the arrow headed straight for my face.
"Oh my gods, James I'm so sorry." Libby said covering her mouth in horror.
Her eyes were wide and she was almost babbling with nerves.
"I, I had a nightmare, and when I woke up I thought I saw someone in the dark, so I shot at it and when I turned on the light..."
She gestured helplessly towards the arrow buried into the door, pinning her fluffy robe to the wood.
"Then when the door opened and you came in... I panicked."
"It's fine." I said resting the arrow on her desk and looking at her a bit concerned. "Are you alright?"
She nodded, but she still looked a little wild eyed and I figured whatever had been in the dream must have been pretty bad to make her that twitchy. Libby was an experienced archer. She didn't just wake up and quite literally start shooting. Not unless she thought she was in danger.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked hesitantly.
In my experience demigods rarely liked to talk about their dreams, with the exception of Harper, who was trying to figure out whatever the hell the universe was trying to tell her through them.
Libby seemed to be with the rule on this one, however, because she shook her head.
"No." she muttered looking away, her cheeks flushing a little. Clearly, she was embarrassed. "No, I'm ok. It was just nightmare."
I nodded.
"Alright."
I made to shut the door, but was surprised when she said.
"James?"
"Yes?"
"Do you mind staying in here for a bit? Just to talk?" she was blushing even more at this point, but when her gaze met mine, she didn't look away. "I don't think I'm going to fall asleep any time soon. I'm pretty sure I just about had a heart attack."
"And you find the presence of a guy who has ancient, volatile magic running through him in your bedroom what?" I asked a little uncertainly. "Calming?"
"Well not just any guy." She said rolling her eyes and I couldn't help it. I smiled.
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked and she hesitated, glancing around the room.
"I dunno."
She shrugged and I looked around, spotting a book on her nightstand. Judging by the sticky note wedged between the pages, she appeared to be about half way through it.
"I could always read to you." I suggested nodding towards the book and she looked shocked.
"Seriously?"
I shrugged.
"It always helped Lucy fall asleep."
She seemed to consider it for a moment, then returned then gesture.
"Alright."
I crossed the room and picked up the book, intending to sit in the computer chair next to her desk but she patted the spot on the bed next to her, scooting closer to the wall and I hesitated for half a second before relenting and sat next to her, leaning against the headboard.
Smiling a little, Libby turned to face me and wrapped herself tightly in her blanket, her expression expectant.
I glanced at the cover spotting a castle, and what appeared to be a woman with a dark blue cloak on horseback.
"Fantasy." I said curiously, looking down at her with interest. "You really are quite dorky, aren't you?"
Her eyes narrowed, but her tone was good natured as she said.
"You are in dangerous territory laughing at fantasy novels."
"What makes you think that?"
"Of the two of us, I'm not the one always walking around with a broad sword."
"As opposed to a bow and arrow, which has never appeared in medieval fiction." I said sardonically, but opening the book.
It took me several pages to realize it wasn't the first in the series, and while I had no idea what was going on with the plot, it was well written and what I did read was interesting.
It didn't take long for Libby to fall back asleep, wrapped up in her blankets like some sort of blonde caterpillar in a cocoon.
Unable to help myself, I smiled a little, thinking that at the very least, the blanket burrito might prevent her from sleep walking again.
Careful not to move the bed as much as I could help, I got to my feet, already dreading the thought of trying to get comfortable on that couch, and wondering if it was even worth trying to sleep.
I glanced around at the room, and spotted a small bookshelf tucked into the corner and almost instantly saw that on it, were several books from the same author. Probably in the same series.
Without really thinking much about it, I found the first among the titles and pulled it off the shelf, turning off Libby's bedside lamp as I left the room.
I opened the book and sat down on the couch surprised when I turned to the first page, and it was covered with pencil marks.
Curious, I flipped through the pages and saw that almost all of them had been written on. Passages underlined, notes in Libby's hand writing along the margins, marking phrases that she liked or what she was thinking at the time. It looked as if she'd even written a few jokes to herself, clearly for future perusal, to remind her of something she'd found amusing at the time.
Harper would have been horrified.
She couldn't stand it when people wrote in books, or bent the pages, and Libby had done plenty of both. I almost laughed when about half way through the first chapter, one of the minor characters, an obvious foil to the love interest, had a line of dialogue that must have offended her, as the word "dumbass" was written next to it in her neat lettering.
I could almost see her irritated expression as she'd written it, hear her muttering it to herself as she scowled at the pages and read on. Justice dispatched to the irksome character with the label.
Interested in the plot at this point, and amused by Libby's commentary, I settled in, feeling almost as if she was next me, prepared to read for the next few hours. Hell, I might even the rest of the night. I was eager for a distraction from reality at this point. I wanted an escape.
Surely, there was no way in Hades that whatever was going on in these pages, was anything close to as screwed up as my life.