Fatherhood and Friendship.
The news of Drew's return had distracted Sebastian from the myriad of events that were going on in his own life. For the last few months he had been back in the throes of a world of little tubs and jiffy bags again, unbeknownst to anyone but Dave. Their little girl was approaching her first birthday, and they had both agreed that they wanted to keep the age difference between her and any sibling as small as possible. It was true that Sebastian and Julian got on well these days, but that had not always been the case, and their relationship had been at its most strained when Julian left for college, leaving Sebastian to deal alone with the continual disputes as his parents' marriage disintegrated…
Their previous surrogate had been only too pleased to volunteer again, but this time only Sebastian was providing the necessary, as per his and Dave's agreement. This month had seen him see no such request, and on the day that he was summoned to Ethan's place, he had received a message saying that she was heading to see her gynaecologist for the necessary tests…
If that had not been enough to contend with, their had been another request from the National Theatre for a short transfer of his performance of Hamlet to London. The selfish part of Sebastian's brain was screaming at him to say yes and grab the opportunity with both hands. However, he was fully aware that if he did say yes, then there was no way that Dave would be able to come with him, as the proposed dates clashed with the football season. He also had the added issue of Elise to contend with; if he went alone, then he would also be away from her for several months, and that would make the separation all the more unbearable…
Dave was fully aware of course of the dilemma that was playing out in his husband's head; in the back of his own mind, he had always been fully aware that something like this could happen. It wasn't as if he was always at home every night of the week either; away games for him usually entailed an overnight stay, but the idea of not seeing his husband in the flesh for months would be painful. The fact that their surrogate might be pregnant again had added a fresh spin to the situation for them both. Dave realised that if it was going to be hard for Sebastian to go on his own now when they had one child, it would be almost impossible for him to do so when they had two.
He resolved that if the test results came back positive, and they really were about to add to their family, then he would sit down with his husband and tell him to take up the offer. It would be good for his career, and that was an important consideration for them all. He knew that Sebastian would happily do as much for him if it meant that his career progressed. It wasn't as if they had no help with Elise in any case, and if his husband went to London now, at least he would have two of his best friends in town to help him through all the potential stress brought on by loneliness…
On the evening of the day that Drew had paid his visit to Dalton, and as he lay in his bed praying that the nightmares would be slow to come, Sebastian was sitting on his usual train home to New Jersey, coming to terms with what had been all in all an eventful day. It had begun ordinarily enough; he had woken up in time to see Dave off to his morning practice, and to take charge of their daughter, who was in his opinion, the most beautiful nearly one year old in the world. The fact that she was also smart and intelligent had to count in her favour in the future. He valued more each day the time that he had alone with her in the mornings, before the nanny arrived nearer lunchtime. These were the times that he sat and read to her, or helped her play with her toys as if he were a big kid himself. He often wondered as he sat there singing nursery rhymes to her what his teenage self would think if he could see him now; he had long ago concluded that he would shake his head and call himself a complete loser… Pain, loss and maturity had changed him so much, and he had no doubt that it was for the better…
That morning though he was a little distracted, as he knew that the surrogate had an appointment with her gynaecologist for an official pregnancy test, and would afterwards be able to confirm if he was to be a father again. He saw a little of his biological daughter Alma, but she had two doting mothers to take care of her, and little need for a father. There had been some talk of a christening, mainly to appease Santana's Abuela, and he had been asked obliquely if he would consider being a godfather; he had agreed without a moment of hesitation. If the surrogate did happen to be pregnant then it would be a game changer; for the first time he would be a hands on father to a child with his own DNA. He had begun to look at names, just in case, and had decided on Marie for a daughter, and either Guillaume or Paul for a son. Heck, even the English translation of his middle name, William, had a certain ring to it….
The nanny arrived that morning at 10.30am, thus allowing Sebastian to leave a little earlier than usual for New York. He was joining his brother for lunch whilst he was on his break from work, as he had asked for a one on one chat with him. Sebastian already knew that it would in all likelihood be about Peter, and how he was getting on at Dalton. He already knew from Thad that his nephew's first year had gone well, and he had made a number of good friends. He had also signed up for numerous clubs, but had chosen not to audition for the Warblers. This had been a shock at first, as Sebastian knew the boy had a wonderful voice, but Thad had reasoned that he might well have decided to wait until he had established a circle of friends and a reputation of his own at the school before doing so, this avoiding any accusations of unfair advantage due to who his uncle was…
It turned out that Sebastian's guess was correct; he had barely sat down at the table with Julian when his brother began to grill him about every aspect of his own experience at Dalton, and what had changed since then. Sebastian did his best to answer, but it wasn't all that simple.
"I know that I probably sound like the worst kind of parent, Bazzy, and Isabelle has already said as much to me, but I worry so much about him as he is not as tough as he likes to make out. I know that he still misses his mom, not that he would ever admit as much to my face… Anyway, to the point; he informed me yesterday that he is going to audition for the Warblers this year when he goes back, so I was wondering if his favourite uncle has any tips that I could pass on…"
"I don't actually know how much help I could be with that these days in all honesty Jules. The process of auditioning is still, on the face of it, the same, but there is a lot less rigidity about what you can sing. You can sing more or less anything now, and that wasn't always the case. Thad has no say or influence on the process either, although he does sit in on them, just to ensure fair play. There is also no advantage whatsoever to be had from mentioning that he is my nephew; in fact, that could even act against him. What will be will be; he just has to give it his best shot and hope. As long as he is enjoying the Dalton experience, then nothing else matters."
"He seems to be, but I do miss him being around so much," said Julian with a smile. "He also seems to be so much taller than when he left for school last summer, and according to my lovely wife, he is going to be model grade handsome…"
"Now that is entirely due to the Smythe genes," replied Sebastian modestly.
"Very true…" replied Julian with a grin.
After lunch, it was straight to the theatre for that days work; he checked his phone throughout the run up to curtain, but no word came from the surrogate. His phone did ring once, but when he snatched it up it was to hear the lady from the National Theatre, asking once more about his transfer to London. In a decisive moment, Sebastian told her that he would give her an answer within the next 48 hours, stating that he was waiting for news that would affect the decision one way or another. That was true, as by then he should know if he was going to be a father again or not…
During the interval that night, he did not have a chance to return to his dressing room, his talents being occupied elsewhere, and so it was only after his final bows that he was able to check his phone. He immediately saw the message from the number he had been looking for for hours; on seeing that the message had been sent just a minute after he left the dressing room for the stage he shook his head and laughed wryly. With a deep breath, he opened it, and read. "Congratulations. You will be a father again in February, all being well." Sebastian sat for a moment in silence, allowing a smile to take over his entire face, then did the math. He wanted to be in town for his daughter's birthday, and for the first Christmas she would clearly remember. He would offer the National Theatre a 10 week slot between those two events. If they agreed to that, then he would call Nick and Jeff, and ask how they would feel about having a lodger…
As Sebastian pondered questions about where his own future was going, another former Warbler was far more concerned about the future of his best friend. Since he had announced to them all that he was ill, Seth had noticed a change in Skylar. He seemed to have decided that his relationship with Julia had to go on the back burner. The frequency of their dates had dropped remarkably, and although when he asked him about it Skylar had claimed that it was down to his school work or his shift pattern at the Spotlight, Seth could see right through his lies. Although he had to admit that the fact that his friend would sacrifice his own relationship in his desire to care for him was nice, that was the last thing that he wanted to happen, and to make matters worse, Skylar knew that. He had therefore resolved that he personally needed to sort the situation out, and to that end, he had decided to go and talk to the one person that was not being considered properly in the situation…
However, finding Julia was not an easy task; he himself did not have an address or phone number for her, and Skylar would not like it at all if he searched on his phone for them. He didn't even know where she worked, and there were so many hospitals in the city. On the day after Sebastian heard the news from the surrogate, Seth had an appointment to see Ollie Harwood for a routine check up, something that he did not enjoy one bit; the repetitive tests, along with the prodding and poking left him in a lot of pain some of the time. Today was not to be one of the worst sessions, and there were no obvious signs of deterioration for once, which made them both smile.
"So physically you are doing okay, but what about your mental health? Is there anything that is troubling you? I know from Thad that you have opened up to everyone now, but I get the feeling that things are worse now," said Ollie as he finished up the consultation.
"Honestly? Skylar. Since he found out he has been so attentive and supportive, as I had anticipated, but he is now giving up on his own life to concentrate on me. He has been seeing this lovely girl, but when she finishes school, she intends to go back to Ohio. Before I spoke up, he had been considering going back with her most strongly, but now he is attempting to create a distance between them so that in the end she will dump him. I know that just before I told them all, he told someone that she was the love of his life, and now he is trying to break up with her. He seems to think that his role in life now is to be my carer, and that is the last thing I want for him."
"There are many people that would not see that level of devotion to a friend as an issue."
"Well I do. I don't think that he has spoken to her and told her what is going on, he is just trying to get a split in a cruel, horrible way. I need to find her, I guess, tell her what is going on, but I can't find her. I don't suppose that there is a nurse called Julia Dexler working here?"
"Not that I know of, but then again, I don't know the names of everyone that works here," replied Ollie. "I could try asking the personnel office if that would help you…" Seth laughed at that, but soon stopped as he saw Ollie pick up the phone and actually dial a number…
It transpired that Julia had done a year at the hospital as a part of her nursing degree, but she had now moved on uptown; she was working at a facility on East 34th Street, the Perlmutter Cancer Center. Ollie knew one of the doctors there from med school, and a quick call to her saw Seth heading uptown on the 6 Train. He made his way as he had been directed to the hospital cafeteria, and took a seat; sure enough, Julia appeared at the door shortly thereafter. She looked more than a little surprised to see him there, but she got herself a coffee, then came over and sat down across from him.
"Before we go any further, nothing has happened to Skylar, nor has he asked me to come her and do something on his behalf," said Seth before she could speak.
"I did wonder about that last one," she replied with a sigh. "He has become so distant since his trip for the reunion at Dalton. I thought that we had really made a connection, that he was the one, but now I am not so sure."
"Oh but you have, trust me; he loves you in just the same way. There is a problem though, and it is partly down to your intention to go back to Ohio, but mostly, the problem is me, and my relationship with Skylar…" He paused then as he saw Julia's eyes open wide, and he realised what that sounded like. "Okay, so we are both totally straight, and it is nothing like that. He and I bonded strongly during the troubles we had at Dalton; we had already been good friends, but those events made us more like brothers. I looked out for him during those months, as he was younger and more vulnerable; now he feels that he has to do the same for me. To be blunt, I have MND. He found out, as all the guys did, at the reunion. I told him then that he had to get on with his own lie, but he seems intent on ignoring my wishes, and you are being caught up in the whole tragedy I am afraid."
Julia looked at him sadly, then reached over the table to take his hand. "I am so sorry; MND is a terrible condition, and well… So he is trying to push me away because he feels an obligation to take care of you as you took care of him. That does actually explain a heck of a lot."
"I told him that it was the last thing that I wanted. I have seen the two of you together and I can't help but think that you might actually be soulmates. I need him to be happy, and you make him so very happy. I guess what I am asking of you is this; please do not drop him, don't let him push you away. Fight to stay with him."
"If I am being honest, I was considering ending it; but now that I know about your condition, and why he is breaking off all of our dates, well I actually think that he is quite sweet and adorable all over again. Do you know if he is working tonight?"
"No. He has told me that we are having a night in to watch some trashy shows on Netflix."
"Right, I will be at your place for 6pm. He won't be home by then if I recall his schedule; by the time that he does get back, you will have had a chance to tell me all about your condition. The fact is that from the moment that I met Skylar, I knew that being with him meant having you around too. That much was confirmed to me the first time that I met some of the other partners; I think that it was a young lady by the name of Izzy that told me that when she married Flint, she got a Beats too. I was always prepared for you to come with Skylar like a package deal. I also know that MND is not the easiest of conditions to live with, but it does not need round the clock care until it becomes very severe. That will not be for some time yet I would suspect. Between the two of us, we should be able to convince my boyfriend of that fact…"
True to her word, Julia was on the doorstep of the house in the West Village just before 6pm. Seth had made a start on an evening meal for himself and Skylar, but he had made enough for three. Luke and Duncan were away in Vermont for a week's break visiting family, whereas both Colin and Edward were at work. As for Skylar, he was not due home for at least another half an hour as usual, just as Julia had reckoned. "So the way that I see it, we will tell him that I came to see him, we got chatting, and your condition came up when one of your symptoms became too obvious to me."
"My hand had one of its spasms and I dropped something?"
"Exactly. I came here of my own free will, and you did not seek me out at all. As you know, he can be a little touchy at times, and I don't want either of us to give him cause for complaint. I found out by accident…"
"He can be a bit snippy if he feels people are conspiring against him, that much is true… You have come up with a perfect plan. So dinner is getting along nicely, but I think I might just go and chop an onion; that always makes me cry, and the red rimmed eyes that I will end up having will make it all the more real to him…"
In the end it was just before 6.45 when Skylar let himself in the front door, apologising to Seth for being late as he ran down the stairs to the kitchen. He was given cause to pause when he entered the room and saw his girlfriend sitting next to his friend at the table; and worse, Seth was looking sad…
"Hey, Julia, what are you doing here? I didn't forget that we had a date or something?"
"No, I just had a free evening, and as it is so long since we have had a date, I thought I would come and surprise you. Seth has made me welcome, and we might have had a little chat too…"
"I was making dinner, Sky, and I had an attack, and my hand was so bad that I dropped the knife, and well…"
"I was worried, and eventually he told me all about his condition. I am guessing that it might be part of the reason why I haven't seen as much of you as I used to recently?"
"Well, yes, kind of," admitted Skylar. "He needs someone to take care of him when he is like this, and I am all that he has…"
"Wait, I thought you and Julia had fallen out," said Seth, taking the opening that his friend had just given him. "You said that was why you hadn't been going out as much as before - are you telling me that you have been cancelling dates because of me?" Skylar said nothing in response, just stared at his feet to avoid Seth's eyes. "I told you not to do that! I told you that if you wanted to make me happy, then you had to live your life! I don't need help all the time, just very occasionally…"
"I only did it because I care, Seth," said Skylar sadly.
"I think what Seth is saying to you here, Skylar, is that you have to respect his wishes in all of this," said Julia in a calming tone. "MND is a terrible thing, that much I can't deny, but the last thing that Seth needs right now is to be smothered when he is still quite capable of taking care of himself. The last thing that he needs is to watch you suffer because of him. I have only been at the Perlmutter for a couple of months, but I see it there every day. Children coming in with their elderly mom or dad, their own lives on hold - the looks of resentment on some of their faces, the looks of guilt on that of the parent. They say that it can actually make people worse if they feel they are a burden to those around them. I doubt that it what you wanted to make Seth feel like, Skylar, but that is what you risk happening if you carry on this way and don't respect his wishes. You could drive a wedge between the two of you eventually…"
"That's the last thing I would want," said Skylar in a tearful tone. "He will never be a burden to me; he is my best friend!"
"And you are mine, Sky," Seth responded, taking his friend's hand as he said it. "That is why this has to stop. I want you and Julia to go out for dinner tonight; I can freeze the extra I have made and we can have it another night. I want you to enjoy yourselves and forget about me for a while. I think that you should go out at least once a week from now on. I have my phone, and if I really do need help, I will call you. Promise…"
Julia turned to her boyfriend, and before he could speak said, "Don't even try and argue Skylar. There is a lovely little Italian place a couple of blocks away that my friends keep telling me I have to try; we can go there."
"I don't get any say in this, do I?" said Skylar with a sniff.
"Nope," said Seth. "Go and get washed and changed. We have to get this sorted out Sky, because if you really are unable to do as I ask and get on with your life, one of these mornings you might just wake up and find out that I have left for good…"
An hour later, as Seth ate a portion of his casserole alone in front of the television, Skylar sat with Julia in the restaurant, waiting for their entrees. "You should have told me what was going on, you know," said Julia quietly. "Maybe it wasn't your place to do it, but I thought that you were trying to make me dump you, and honestly, you almost succeeded… You are a wonderful man with the kindest of hearts, Skylar Willetts, but sometimes you just have to let the people you care about have things the way that they need them to be. Seth is fighting a battle, and he knows that it is one that he will eventually lose. Yes, he might need some help, but not yet. It will get a lot worse in time, and then he will have to suck up his pride and ask for assistance. Until he asks you for that help though, you just have to respect his wishes."
"It's just so hard, Julia! He has altered so much already, and he has had to give up some things that he loved because of his hands. However, I know that both of you are right. I can't smother him, and I can't lose you either. I love you more than anyone else, ever…"
"Except maybe Seth…" said Julia with a wry smile.
"No, a fraction more than Seth even," replied Skylar with a grin. "I want to be with you, but you are set on going back to Ohio, and although I could follow you, Seth can't…"
"Skylar, he does have other friends here you know, and they will look out for him just as much as you do if you aren't here and able to do it yourself. Okay, how about this. If we make this something more, if we end up back in Ohio together, then I promise you this, here and now; there will be a place for Seth in our home when he can't manage by himself any longer, and that will be for however long he needs it."
"Seriously?" said Skylar, his face almost glowing with happiness.
"Yes, seriously, my love. I love you too much to lose you over this now. I know how it is anyway; I take one Warbler, and I get all the rest of then thrown in for free…"
Skylar could only laugh in agreement with that. "Yes, everyone that finds themselves tied to one of us does also have to accept our own special brand of crazy, I guess. It is just a case that we weren't so much a choir as a brotherhood; all of us have been through the same things and have suffered together…" Julia nodded, knowing that he was eluding to the whole affair with Hunter, amongst other things. "Seth took care of me then; he acted as a shield between me and that madman. It was the same for Edward with Colin. Now that he is in trouble, I have to repay my debt to Seth."
"I understand; some women wouldn't, but you got lucky. You have to strike a balance though and ensure that he is left his freedom too. He could live for decades, and what would happen to you then? Friendship and love can quickly turn into hatred and enmity. I have seen as much in some of my patient's relatives, and however much you say that would never happen between you and Seth, it still might."
"I know that you are right, but it is just so hard to cope with; he is only a year older than me…"
"Hmm… well this might sound awful, but wasn't your friend Wes younger than you are now when he passed away? Death is no respecter of age or social status. When Seth's time comes, there will be nothing you can do to halt it - and behind all of this, that is exactly what you would try and do if you could. There is nothing wrong with that ambition, but you have to face the facts; unless there is a significant breakthrough in medical science, his life will be cut shorter than you would like. Given that, what has to be the top priority is his comfort and happiness."
"He said as much; my being happy will make him happy, but that isn't easy to do. I want to rage against the dying of his light, but there is nothing that I can do to fix him…"
At that point the server arrived with their food, and the subject was shelved. Skylar did however feel like a weight had been lifted; he had someone he could talk to, someone who understood his friend's condition and had more knowledge about it than he ever would. He also had her promise that Seth would not be neglected, and that made him calmer; he no longer wanted to push her away. Instead he wanted to bring her closer to him and keep her there…
He returned home that night to find Seth in front of the television, watching a rerun of a decades old comedy show. "How did your date go?" his friend asked, his eyes not shifting from the screen.
"It was good actually… Look, Seth, I need to apologise to you for the way that I have been acting. I did everything that you asked me not to do, and I am sorry. I will try harder to do things your way."
"It's okay; if our situation was reversed, I would struggle too."
"The truth is, life is what it is, and we just have to accept that. I am fortunate in that I have a very tolerant girlfriend who is willing to give me another chance. Having realised that, I have come to a conclusion tonight. I am going to ask her to marry me; not in the next day or so, but soon. I love her, and to be honest, I need her."
"Even if that means you have to go back to Ohio?"
"Even then. After all, you keep telling me you will be fine, but until now I have ignored you; no more. Good jobs in architecture are plentiful here in New York, but it is a certain kind of architecture; big firms in which my talent and creativity could end up being stifled by demands for conformity. In Ohio, there are fewer jobs, but I would have the freedom to design what I want to, and a more eclectic list of clients. You'll be fine here with Nick, Jeff, Beats, Ethan and possibly Drew. They all care for you as much as I do. All I will say is that when the end does come, I will be back at your side until Wes or one of the others comes along to take your hand and take you home…"
"Well, I am not intending to go anywhere for a long time yet. So, will you be doing an epic proposal or just a quiet one?"
"I think that it does have to be reasonably epic; Julia wouldn't really care either way, but I want to make a statement to the world that I am in love with her."
"Well, I will help you out in any way you need me to. That is what best friends are for."
"I know. It would be nice to say that I will return the favour sometime, but I know that won't be possible. I would have loved to see you find the person that makes you happy too…"
"Even if such a person does exist, it would be unkind of me to form that kind of relationship when I know there is a time limit on it. Still, it would be nice to be Uncle Seth before the worst happens…"
Skylar laughed, then said, "Well I don't intend to be rushing Julia down the aisle any time soon, so you will just have to fight against this thing hard to ensure that you are around."
Seth nodded, although in his heart he knew that there was nothing he could do to guarantee that he would still be there. Skylar was also putting on a brave face too, also aware that there was every chance that it would not be the case. All he did know for certain was this; that if he did have a son, he would be naming the boy in question after his best friend…