Chapter 29
(Y'all I had surgery and am on the come up. Sorry for the delay.)
(Phoebe's POV)
Today is Claire's first day of school. She is driving, but Nathan and I are up and making breakfast. I made a huge breakfast spread. This is our last week with Claire here. She leaves on Sunday.
I am really scared to say goodbye to Claire. I know her aunt is amazing and she will be in great hands. I feel selfish for getting upset. But Claire is my first baby. She is so special to me.
"Bear," Nathan says, breaking me out of my thoughts. She comes down in her jumper with her hair and make up done. I made her lunch.
"Happy first day of school sweets," I say as we all sit down.
"Thanks guys, you didn't have to do all this," she says looking around at the table.
"Of course we did, it's your first day of school," I smile.
"Are you excited?" Nathan asks as we eat.
"Yes, I have missed all my school friends," she says and I smile.
"What time will you be home?" I ask.
"Probably around 2:45," she says and I nod.
"You know to call if you need anything right?" He says and she nods smiling.
"What do you guys have going on at work?" She asks.
"I have a couple consultations and then a meeting," Nathan says and I nod.
"I have meetings and a couple of new patients," I smile.
"That's so fun," she smiles.
"Can we get your first day of school picture?" I ask her.
"Yes," she laughs. We have Sawyer take a picture of Nathan, Claire and I. I make it my new lock screen on my phone. I get a couple of just claire and then some of Claire and Nathan.
After Claire has to go. We hug her goodbye and send her on her way. I am going to miss having her to ourselves. She is the sweetest.
Nathan and I head to the hospital. The first place I go is Lia's office. I just want to make sure we are all set for Claire's aunt picking her up Sunday.
"Phoebe Moore, what's up dear?" Lia asks. I smile and ask if she has a minute.
"Always," she smiles. I sit down in her office chair.
"Are we all set for Sunday?" I ask after some small talk.
"Yes, Susan is so excited. She had an interior decorator come to the house and create a room for Claire," I smile at that. I know she is in good hands.
"I actually did want to talk to you about something," she says and pulls out a folder. I see Henry's name.
"Henry is coming back to the hospital. He has been approved for the surgery, the foster parents won't take him back after the surgery though due to possible complications and liabilities," she says and I feel my heart sink. Just when he was probably getting comfortable.
"Do you have any possible families?" I ask.
"No, not yet," Lia says and I bite my lip. I need to talk to Nathan.
"My heart breaks for him," I say and she nods.
"We are in such a tough time to be a foster child," she says and I nod.
"I talked to Nathan the other day about the surgery. He has to stay in the hospital for at least two weeks so hopefully in that time we can find someone," she says and I nod. Nathan knew? Why didn't he tell me? Henry was my patient too.
"Thank you for telling me," I say and she smiles nodding.
"Have a great day, Pheebs," she says and I thank her, heading out.
I go downstairs to my office and grab my bag. I have two patient visits I need to do. I check my phone quickly to see if Claire has called at all. She hasn't, which is good.
I complete my two patient visits and go into one more meeting. After I head to my office and fill out some paperwork. Today was a good day. Henry still fills my mind. Why couldn't we foster him? Who better to take care of him than Nathan and I?
There is a knock on my office door and Nathan walks in. "Hi babe," he says and I smile standing up.
"Hi," I say.
"How was your day?" He asks.
"Same old same old, how about you?" I ask, slipping a jacket on. He takes my bag. So chivalrous.
"It was good, I had meetings about my interns today. I am really excited about it," he says and I give him a smile.
We get into the car and head home. Claire texted me that she is home and had a good day. I am excited to hear all about it.
When we get home Claire and William are on the couch. "Hi guys," I smile. Claire has changed into comfier clothes.
"Hey," she smiles.
"How was school?" Nathan asks.
"It was really good, I love all my teachers," Claire says and we smile.
"William your first day is tomorrow?" I ask and he nods.
"Claire, do you have homework?" I ask.
"Yeah, but we are doing it right now," she says and holds up a chemistry book.
"Are you guys hungry?" I ask.
"No we got food on the way home from school," she says and I nod.
"Okay, well I am going to change," I smile.
I walk into my closet and put on comfier clothes. I feel a little sharp pain in my side and I grab the wall. "Fuck," I say under my breath. I rub it. I assume it is just a pregnancy body thing. Man they don't make this easy.
I change into comfy clothes and lay down. I am more tired this week than past weeks. This is what comes with pregnancy.
"You tired?" Nathan asks, sitting next to me and rubbing my head. I nod and he kisses my head.
"Take a nap," he says.
"I will," I smile and he kisses my head again then my belly.
When I wake up I realize I have slept for 3 hours. I still could sleep more but I smell food that the baby likes. I get up and stretch heading out to find Nathan and William and Claire all looking at something on the counter. Dinner is cooking.
"What did I miss?" I say walking over to see them all looking at a textbook.
"Claire's chemistry homework," Nathan says and I nod. Well Nathan is the best person to help with that. I can't do chemistry for shit.
"Dinner smells amazing," I say, Nathan smiles as he helps Claire.
I take a bite of the peppers he has cut up and begin to help him cook. He is so amazing. I can't wait to do this with our little ones. "William are you staying for dinner?" I ask him.
"If that is okay with you," he says and I tell him of course it is.
William and Claire head into the movie room while Nathan and I cook. "Is something up?" He asks. I am chopping vegetables.
"No, why," I ask.
"You just seem off," he says and I am.
"I talked to Lia today," I say and he looks up.
"Yeah, what did she say?" He asks.
"Told me about Henry," I say and Nathan puts down his knife and looks at me.
"I know, it is really upsetting," he says.
"Why didn't you tell me," I say.
"What do you mean?" He asks.
"When you found out he was coming back and that the foster parents wouldn't take him back. Why didn't you tell me?" I ask.
"Bee, I- I didn't mean to keep it from you. I also assumed you got the psychology notice for it," he says. I am not mad, I would just prefer him to tell me in the future.
"Oh," I say and he drops his knife.
"I'm sorry," he says and hugs me from behind.
"It's okay, I know you didn't mean it in a bad way," I say and he kisses my head then my neck.
"I love you, Bee," he says and I smile.
The rest of the night is spent happily eating dinner and talking with Claire and William. Nathan and I go to bed after William leaves.
When we wake up in the morning I run to the toilet and relieve myself of last night's dinner. I am still throwing up every morning. Luckily it is only once or twice. My mom said she would be over the toilet sometimes until noon when she was pregnant with me.
I get into the shower after and get ready for the day. Today my dad and I are getting lunch. I am so excited to see him. He is coming and picking me up from the hospital. I look to my side in my white dress pants and blue blouse. Still no bump. I'm almost 8 weeks so it is no surprise. We found out so early.
I walk out and have breakfast with Claire. After I say goodbye to Claire. She hugs me and then heads out. Nathan had an early surgery so he's already gone. I have a piece of toast and head to the hospital.
I have a meeting and then a patient consult with Nathan actually. It is with the medical team and the child's parents. This patient is an 11 year old girl who was in a severe boating accident. She was just transferred to Seattle Children's from a smaller hospital. All of her doctors, psychosocial team and family is going to be there
I walk in with my cup of coffee and sit near the back end of the table. I usually don't speak at these meetings, but am here for patient information so I can best support the family.
Nathan and his fellow doctor walk in. I smile and shake both of their hands. "Feona right?" The doctor says. This particular doctor doesn't like psychosocial services and believes that all the patients and families need are doctors. He never calls for consults and doesn't see the importance in our job.
"It's Phoebe, Steve," Nathan says sharply. I smile and say it is phoebe.
"Sorry Phoebe," Dr. Greek says and I smile.
I head to sit down as the room fills up. I great Julia the patient's parents. I sit next to the occupational therapist and Julia's mom.
"Thank you for all making time to come. I know we are in our very busy season right now. Today we are discussing Julia. Julia has severe tears along with a broken fibula. Her femur is cracked and we have the xrays behind me," Nathan says and I watch him discuss his work. He is so patient about what he does.
"How are we going to fix this with minimal permanent damage," Julia's dad asks.
"Sir we have to do multiple surgeries on Julia's leg. There will be scarring but we have Dr. Steve Greek here who is the plastic surgeon on the case. He does wonderful work and will ensure Julia's best care," Nathan says and they go into discussing how this will all work. I note that Julia has severe hospital and Doctor anxiety.
"Have you met Julia?" I ask the occupational therapist. She shakes her head quietly and I nod.
After a half an hour there is a plan put in place. "Phoebe or Gina anything to add?" Nathan asks. I love that he asks us for our opinion.
"Actually I think it would be very helpful for Julia's anxiety to meet you. Just before we go into any procedures," I say and Nathan nods.
"Of course, I am free after this we can go to her room," I smile. Gina says she is good and we finish up the meeting.
Nathan and I head down to Julia's room. When I knock she looks over and looks scared. "Hi it's just me," I smile.
"Oh, Hi Phoebe," she says. She met me when she first came here. Nathan stays behind me and let's me do my work.
"So I have Dr. Moore here and he is going to be the doctor in charge of making you feel better," I say, explaining it as simply as possible.
"Oh," she says and looks down and starts fidgeting. A sign of anxiety.
"We are actually just here to talk today, Dr. Moore doesn't need to check you," I say and she nods. I pull up the two chairs in the room and Nathan sits next to me.
"I'm Dr. Moore like Phoebe said, I am so happy that I get to meet you," Nathan says and they shake hands. She still looks shy.
"What are you reading?" Nathan asks, pointing to her book.
"Harry Potter," she says and Nathan smiles.
"I loved those books, you are on the half blood?" Nathan says looking at the book.
"Yes," she says and smiles.
"Phoebe refuses to read them and I always tell her how good they are," Nathan says. I smile and let them bond. This always helps build Rapport and reduce anxiety.
Nathan is just such a natural when it comes to working with and being around kids. It is such a special thing to see.
After those two talk for a while Nathan and I leave. It is time for me to get lunch with my dad.
"Have fun, Babes," Nathan says and I smile. I check to make sure no one is around and I kiss him. He rubs my stomach per usual saying goodbye to the little one in there.
I walk out and head to the black Audi. I get into the car and my dads face lights up. "Hi Bubs," he says.
"Hi dad," I say as I lean over hugging him.
"You look beautiful," he says and I thank him. He is so sweet.
"How has work been today?" I ask him.
"It is good. I had an early meeting, but it was productive. How was your day?" He asks and I smile.
"It was good. Nathan had a surgery this morning, so I got to eat breakfast with Claire and then I had a meeting with Nathan's team this morning," I say and my dad nods.
"The meeting went well I hope?" He asks. He knows because of HIPPA I cannot tell him much about my patients or what goes on in the hospital.
"Yes it was productive," I smile using his words.
We get to the restaurant and head inside. We get seated near a window and we both order water to start. I am parched. I take a slice of bread and start eating it.
"So Claire goes back with her Aunt on Sunday," my dad says and I nod. I knew he would want to talk about this and make sure I am okay. I know it comes from a place of love.
"Yes, her Aunt is so excited. She lives in Green Bay so it is only like a 15 minute drive," I say and he nods.
"How are you feeling about this?" He asks as our water gets put down on the table. We pause to order our food.
"Of course I am sad. She is my girl and always will be, but I know long term living with her aunt is going to be so good for her. She will always be in our lives from the moment she leaves our house," I say. My dad smiles and takes my hand in his.
"You have such a big heart, Phoebe," he says and I smile.
"Claire is the one that has made it grow," I say and he smiles back at me.
"So on Saturday everyone is coming over for dinner right?" He asks and I nod.
"Yes, we are having the whole family over. I wanted everyone to be together one last night before Claire goes," I say and he nods.
"And that is when Olivia and Ted are doing the gender reveal?" He asks.
"Yes, I have the envelope and gave it to the baker," I smile. I am having the cake being made so when they cut into it they know the gender of their baby.
"So you know the gender?" He asks. I nod smiling.
"So what is it?" He asks and I laugh.
"If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise," I say and he laughs. He knows he won't get it out of me.
"Speaking of babies, how is Maisy and Blake?" He asks. I smile as I had a 30 minute phone call with Maisy last night.
"She is ready to pop their due date is in two weeks," I say and he smiles.
"Are they ready?" My dad asks.
"Oh more than ready. Baby J already has more clothes in her closet than Maisy. Maisy says if she doesn't come soon she will evict her," I say and my dad laughs.
"They are going to be wrapped around that babies finger," he says and I smile.
"You know the feeling," I smirk.
"I do and one day you will too," he says and I smile. Little does he know that day is sooner than he thinks. We have to wait one more month before telling people. We want to play it safe.
"Yes one day," I smile and our food gets delivered.
"We were going through the storage room, with all of your baby pictures and things you made us as kids. You know what I found?" He asks and I can only imagine.
"What?" I ask. My parents are both super sentimental about stuff so they have so much of our old stuff.
"A picture of us from the fair when Elliot and I took all of the cousins and you got lost," he says and I almost spit out my water laughing.
"When Ava, Teddy and I decided to switch rides and when I went to go tell you I went back to the original ride," I say and we are both laughing.
"For how much security I paid for you always managed to wander off," he says and I nod. That is very true.
(Phoebe 7 years old)
Today My brother and I took the 4 oldest cousins to go to the state fair. This was Ana's idea of course. I would have rather had the fair come to us in my backyard, but she is all about the kids having the "kid experience". I understand it, but I don't like it.
The kids are all hopped up on sugar after funnel cakes, Cotten candy, and candy apples. Elliot decides it's time they ride rides. We go over to the ride section and they all look like death traps. The people who set them up don't make me feel more comfortable either.
After riding more than half of the rides we say they can do one more.
"Umm I think I want to do that one," Phoebe says and points to a ride that has flashing lights called the Crazy Mouse. Oh boy.
"Yeah yeah me too," Ava says nodding and they smile at each other. These girls are best friends and every time I see Them together it melts my heart.
"Okay you guys go we'll be here," I say over my dead body and am I riding the crazy mouse. Eliot gets horrible motion sickness so he isn't either. We sit on a bench right in front of the ride.
"Should have brought beers," he says and sets down the giant stuffed animal Ava said she "needed" him to win. That girl has him wrapped around her finger. But I can't say much. Phoebe has me the same way.
All of a sudden, Phoebe comes dramatically running up to me. I laugh as she stands in front of me like she is about to tell me the secret of the world.
"Um so Teddy decided he wanted to do the rocket which is that one instead so um we are doing the rocket," she says out of breath.
"Okay, have fun," I say.
"Watch me go on it okay?" She says and I nod smiling. Before becoming a parent I never knew how many times I would hear "watch this" or "watch me" and it still makes me smile like a fool every damn time.
Elliott and I begin talking about baseball. The mariners aren't doing too hot this season. I look up at the rocket, but can't see the kids on it because the ride carts aren't open.
After they finish, I see Teddy and Ava run up to us. I look behind them for phoebe. That's weird. I assume she is trotting behind.
"Where's Phoebe?" I ask Ava.
"What? She came to talk to you," Ava says and my heart drops.
"Teddy where is Phoebe?" I ask him. Elliott gets up now and we both start looking for her.
"She came over to you and we thought she got too scared to ride the rocket," he says and I start to freak out.
"I got them, we'll stay here in case she walks over," I run to Taylor.
"Where is Phoebe?" I ask and he looks over with Elliot. He mouths fuck and gets on his ear piece.
"Who has Phoebe?" I run to the ride line and search for my girl. My heart is pounding. I look around at all the people. The thought of someone taking her.
"Phoebe?" I yell and see sawyer and Taylor doing the same. I go to the mouse line and look. I can't think. I'm starting to sweat. My girl.
I run around past people. Where is she? I think how scared she is. I am never letting her out of my sight after this. I go to the crazy mouse ride and look around.
The worst thoughts are coming up. My heart is pounding. I need her to come back. Where is she?
I cut everyone in line as they yell and get my phone out. I don't give a Fuck If they are mad. "Did this girl go on the ride?" I show the picture of phoebe to the man working the ride.
"Man I've been here since 7 you think I know," I clench my fist and as I am fighting back the urge to sock him there is the sweetest sound I think I've ever heard.
"Dad? Did you see? Did you see me?" I turn and see Phoebe in her little jumper and pigtails. Her cheeks are Rosy from the heat.
I grab her and pull her to me tightly. "What daddy?" She asks and all I can do is hug her. She's here, she is safe, she is okay.
"Phoebe where were you?" I ask her. Frustration comes to the surface. She knows better than to run away.
"Daddy, I went on the ride, I told you," she says.
"No you told me you were going on the other ride. Phoebe j thought I lost you. I was so scared what were you thinking? You know better than to not go where you said you were. That was bad," I say my tone of voice is sharp. She knows better than to wander after she said she was going somewhere else
"Daddy… I I'm sorry," I signal Taylor that I have her. I have her hand gripped in mine. She is quiet as we walk back over to El and the kids.
"There you are, Pheebs," Ava says.
"Let's go kiddos," Elliot says and I keep my grip on Pheebs hand. She gave me the scare of my life. The thought of losing her.
We get the kids in the car and the girls in their booster seats and start the drive home. By the time we are in the neighborhood Ava and Ted have drifted off to sleep. Phoebe is staring out the window. I reach back and grab her hand smiling at her. She gives me a soft smile and resumes looking out the window. I stare at her profile. She is going to give me trouble one day. She has the most beautiful eyes.
Elliot drops the kids and I off. Ana greets us at the front door. "Hi guys," she smiles and the kids both hug her.
"Oh you both are sticky and sweaty. How was it?" She asks and they both tell her all about it.
"Let's get you both showered before dinner. Head up and get in. I have towels and jammies laid out," she says and they both do as she says. She has a way with them.
"Hi baby," she smiles and kisses me. This woman.
"Hi," I say.
"How was it?" She asks.
"It was great. The kids ate their body weight in sugar, but it was good," I say and she smiles. "Phoebe got lost for 10 minutes," I say and she frowns.
"What?" She says. I explain the whole situation and she nods.
"Christian, it happens. She is home and safe," my wife says and I nod.
"Come on, no brooding. I got lost at a baseball game with my dad and they didn't find me til the end of the first quarter. Now phoebe knows not to leave your sight" she says and I smile.
"I know. It was scary," I say and she nods.
"I bet it was. But you found her and she is here and safe. No hair on her head was harmed. You're a great daddy don't let this show you different," she says and I smile.
"Okay," I smile and kiss her.
"Now go shower. I don't need fair germs in this house," she says and smacks my butt. I laugh and head to the bathroom. I shower and get dressed.
When I head out Ted is freshly showered waiting for dinner. I look in the playroom and don't see Phoebe. That is weird. She usually is the first down and ready to help Ana with dinner.
"Hi big man," I say and kiss Teddy's head. He smiles and says hi.
"Where's Bubs?" I ask my wife.
"Umm she hasn't come down yet. Dinner is almost ready, would you mind calling for her?" My wife asks and I nod.
I head upstairs and go to Phoebe's room. I smile at her "no boys allowed," sign. When I asked her about it once she said "daddy you're not a boy you're a man and Mans are allowed." This girl has a way with words.
"Bubs?" I say and walk into her room. I can't find her until I look in her closet and see her sitting there in her bathrobe. This has been her new thing recently. She goes into her closet when she is upset.
"Bubs? What're you doing?" I ask her and stand in the entryway of her closet.
"Nothing," she sighs.
"Come here," I say and walk out so I am sitting on the end of her bed. She walks out and stands in front of me. She is in her bathrobe with her wet hair down.
"What's wrong baby?" I ask her. When I say this she starts to cry. My heart breaks.
"Hey, hey come here," I say and take her into my arms. I kneel down and hold her. She cries into my shoulder. I am so confused.
"Buddy, talk to me," I say and hold her face in my hands.
"You're mad," she says and I look at her.
"Why would I be mad?" I ask her.
"Because I was bad. And now you're mad and hate me," she says.
"Baby, I am not mad at you. I do not hate you. I could never hate you," I say and she sits in my lap. "I was so scared that I lost you. I love you so much, Bubs. More than you know," I say.
"You yelled at me. And I was so scared," she says and uses her hands to add emphasis.
"Baby, I am sorry I got frustrated. Sometimes when I get frustrated it looks like I am angry. But I am not. I love you Bubs," I say and try to explain it to her.
"It's okay, daddy. I love you," she says and wraps both arms around me. These kids have taught me more love than anyone. They also have taught me forgiveness.
"I love you most, Bubs," I say.
"Best friends forever, still?" She asks.
"Best friends forever," I say and she hugs me tightly.
(End Flashback)
"Best friends forever," I ask my dad. He smiles and holds out his pinky.
"Forever and ever," he says and I smile.