A/N Here's the big boy. He's here! A big ole chapter! It's a good one, folks. Talk to y'all at the end. Enjoy!
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Chapter 7: We're Not Gonna Take It
"Under a bridge?" The figure of a snake at the desk asked.
The stranger wearing the festivities of the season nodded. "Acting like some of us aren't trying to enjoy the snow before the annual purge ... or maybe that's why they did it. I am unsure."
"Good way to go out." The snake laughed. "Get some action and then get your goddamn head chopped off. Heh, praying mantis style."
"I don't think you're taking this seriously, Polter." The stranger chimed, furrowing their expression towards disappointment and leaning against the desk above the reptile.
"You know how I feel about your name for me, Erosa," Polter declared, her fangs sharpening as she frowned. This was followed by Erosa leaning even closer, until they were now inches away from their partner.
"My name is derived from the infamous Cupid, the god of love. It's appropriate, just as your name is appropriate for how cute you are."
"It's just half of the word Poltergeist." Polter blushed, adjusting herself in the seat as Erosa happily took his place in the snake's lap. Two shared a brief kiss before they both enjoyed the silence of the office, only broken by one of the rare instances of air conditioning in Hell.
"I get you, though." Polter said. "But I also think you shouldn't worry. I mean, yeah, they were getting it on, like I said. We all have to do it somewhere strange in our lives, right?"
"No, we do not." Erosa said.
"Sheesh." Polter scoffed. "You sound like one of those royals or something. Like one of the birds or whatever they are."
"Those 'birds' are what I'm chasing. Ugh, I hate that sounded so typical, but it doesn't matter. I've already found someone who has what we need."
Polter's complexion lit up as her partner produced a collection of pictures. Most of them were too blurry and out of focus to use, however a few stood out: Bronze casings, some gunpowder, and a machine to press it all together. Most importantly was the final photograph: An ornate flintlock complete with floral patterns which caressed the curves of it's design. Even while looking at it still, Polter could swear that the thing was glowing.
"How the fuck?" The snake asked. "I recognize that place. Been in the back a few times for business. That's that damn bar with the owner who has that caterpillar stuck to his face."
"My spy said he was taking it out for maintenance." Erosa began before letting out a deeply amused chuckle. "By spy I mean myself. Poor guy doesn't even know you don't have to take care of a blessed weapon. The shit is built from the other shit from the man upstairs, for Hell's sake!"
Polter shrugged. "So, what, I put on my sneakin cowboy hat and we crack the safe like old times?"
Erosa smiled. His hands locked together around the snakes neck, the two cooing at one another.
"Figured a big woman like you could get an easy job this time."
As they began to set their plan into motion, the sun was beginning to fade, crimson hues staining the sky more than usual and, fortunately for Styx's, who was succumbing to nausea in their bathroom, was not susceptible to causing any more nauseous sensations. They stared in the mirror, barely able to see their own pupils hidden beneath the rest of the sky blue covering their vision. However, despite the color difference and almost appearing blind, Styx was able to finally appreciate their look and focused on their reflection to distract the mind from wishing to upheave once again due to the day's mindlessly sexual actions. They did not know where the imp was, nor did they care. He followed the sinner to the apartment and kept on going, presumably to Leroy's bar. Styx scoffed, admiring the action of rejection causing the imp to immediately run and drink their problems away. Then, in that same breath, Styx frowned and realized how much had to have happened for them to run away so quickly, and thought about their own words and how the imp could have just been trying to convey his feelings in the only way he understood how... Or they were just two horny people in a place known for harvesting souls into an eternal damnation of lust and questionable relationships.
Styx immediately shook their head, laughing at themselves in the mirror. "Relationship? Really? You're already using that word, Styx? Come-on. That's something Blitz would say, not you."
"Why not use it?" River answered back, though the reflection only moved with it's owner. "You clearly like him."
"Do not." Styx said, adjusting their tank top back onto their body. "He's horny, I'm horny, we were alone. These things happen, me."
"Do they?" River asked. "Why'd you even allow him here in the first place?"
"Because." Styx answered sternly. "It was either that or they froze to death. I've heard stories about Krampus coming back, too. Is that wrong? To want to wish someone won't be stolen and forgotten for no reason?"
"It's not, me." River said. "But even if nothing else was really there, I think we both know there's something there now."
"Yeah." Styx sighed, and the conversation was over. The sinner donned their previous jacket and quickly head out the door to the Host House, making sure as to walk instead of run in order to avoid another stomach incident.
Blitz had just walked through the doors. An almost dangerously potent mix of familiarity and dread hit him all at once. The traffic from the night before had all but ceased as the lesser commotion had arrived for the evening. The only difference between the imp's first time here and now were the reasons, and not only did no older reasons get solved, but the feelings were worse with the knowledge they were wearing the clothes of someone who used to like them, and someone who would probably never let them back into their life again. Blitz took a seat near Leroy, and the bartender immediately walked up to him in a bout of enjoyment to see him.
"If it ain't Silent O." Leroy greeted, holding out a handshake for the imp that was returned. "Whaddya doing here all by your lonesome? Water Stick ain't interesting in us anymore?"
"How the fuck do you know that?" Blitz shouted, garnering the attention of multiple customers. He glared daggers before they returned to their activities.
"Keep it down, damnit." Leroy said. "I ain't got the slimmest or thickest idea what we're talking about anymore."
"I dunno about you, Cat's Dick, but that fucking sky-falling whore showed their true colors today."
The bartender raised an eyebrow, shifting across the table to prepare the imp his signature drink. "That so? By all means, tell me about the colors."
Blitz nodded. "So we're trying to fuck this morning, right? Or this afternoon or whatever. He starts trying to get to know me and shit, and I responded normally by pinning him to the ground like a fucking wild animal and tell him how much I wanna fuck him because, y'know, he basically said it first."
The bartender nodded. Other patrons, including Gresha, began to eavesdrop immensely.
"Then he told me to fuck off, and I agreed that I should fuck off, so we both got coffee - the real shit, not sex - and fucked off together towards that shitty sidewalk bridge thing a dick's throw from here."
"Nocturnal Rise?" Leroy asked. "The big stone one with the underpass that's older than all the apartment buildings around it?"
"Mmhm." Blitz said as he happily accepted the newly prepared drink. "How much you charging for this?"
"Just keep on telling your story and we'll call it even." Leroy smiled. "Curious to see where this goes."
"Oh believe me, so am I." Blitz sharply added, blood beginning to rise once more. "So, yeah, we go to this fuckin bridge and uh... y'know, just forget about what happened and sit around. Learned some shit about each other and told some stories, and uh... I uh..."
"You tried to fuck again." Gresha, who decided to be a part of the conversation, chimed in.
Blitz accepted her involvement. "Close. He brought it up again after we fucking said we wouldn't, so obviously I get hard and pissed and the only way to fix being hard and pissed is to rut like a goddamn play pen of lesbians during a full moon."
"Fascinating comparison." Leroy added.
"Thanks." Blitz added, feeling the familiar sensation of alcohol and bittersweet love draining down his throat and into his nonexistent soul. "So I tried again because he wouldn't drop it, and the bitch was okay with it. They were fucking okay with it."
"They were okay with it?" Gresha asked, eyes wide and staring through Blitz.
The imp let out a sigh of contentment. "I was until some cum rag left decided to dress up like a Krampus tree and jot around the board like he owns all of the avenues or whatever that shit game people on the surface play."
"Yeah, that one." Leroy said quietly. "Fun game, but it brought out the worst in people."
"It's why I'm down here." Gresha said. "I mean, I did a lot of drugs, but I accidentally meant to kill my friend during one of our games and she died."
Blitz and Leroy looked at each other. Neither hellborn nor surface born was willing to touch the complications of that one statement with a pole long enough to peg Blitz's rear.
"You were saying?" The bartender said.
"Right." Blitz said. "So this bitch complains about me and my bitch, so I was gonna tell her off, y'know, verbal harshment and shit."
"Verbal harassment?" Gresha asked. "I also stole a book about words once."
"That is known as a dictionary, my dear." Leroy assured her.
Gresha tilted her head. "I thought I was Green Hair with Pronouns?"
"Speaking of, can I finish my shit, please, Greenie?" Blitz somehow said respectfully, and Gresha nodded and happily sat next to him and the bartender.
"You were talking about the stranger underneath the bridge interrupting your session?" Leroy reminded the imp.
"Yeah. Fuck." Blitz swore as he took another drink. "I'm trying to get this bitch out of my life so I can fuck, y'know? But they keep on talking about how lonely they were and having to suck their own dick at night. It was actually Power Dick who told the light show whore off, even called us gay together."
"I thought you were Pan?" Gresha asked. She received a surprising glance from the two.
"I never told you that shit." Blitz retorted.
"Sorry, I just smell it on people." Gresha said. "It's pretty neat, but I try not to tell because you don't know if they're okay with it."
"But you also love to talk to people." The bartender piped up. "Just be sure to mind your business, dear."
"You got it, Leonardo!" Gresha exclaimed and fell out of her chair in excitement.
"Wonderful woman." Blitz said. "Anyway, we got that bitch taken care of and after they left, fuckin River Bitch decided that they didn't want some hot Daddy action anymore, which is totally bullshit because I saw the childhood neglect in their eyes! They wanted it."
Leroy respectfully raised his hand. "So, let me see if I'm understanding the situation correctly here: We got two dudes, relaxing under a bridge, living a homosexual lifestyle, being interrupted by holiday decorations while having previously tried to do it together with each other but decided not two, and this all happened from this morning to now?"
Blitz swirled around the ice in his drink. "Yeah, pretty much."
"Well I'll be damned again." Leroy swore. "Looks like you two really are two beloved disasters."
"Sounds like some fucked up fanfiction or something, don't it?" Blitz smiled, and finished his drink.
The door to the bar opened. Instead of seeing the sinner the trio expected, a towering reptilian figure donned in leather attire made their silhouette as their footsteps brought a loud, thunderous sound on the wooden ground. Aside him was the festival holiday stranger, now in a similar attire to his partner with a red shirt instead of a blue one. The two took notice of the group and approached. Gresha, who had fully recovered from her fall and was moderately more intoxicated, snarled, but it did nothing to move the mountain of snake and cat.
"Think you got the wrong place, my friend." Leroy said, taking a prepared stance. "I ain't got no more business with you two."
"Don't you?" Erosa teased, taking their spot between Blitz and Gresha to lean against the counter and glare manically at the bartender. "Cause, last I checked, you don't have to maintain a blessed gun, Leonardo.
"Wait, your real name is Leonardo?" Blitz asked.
"Not a good fuckin time, O." Lenroy answered, eyes now wide with one hand underneath the bar. "But, yes. Leonardo Jones, almost like the famous professor. Might wanna remember it in case I'm not around in about two minutes."
Erosa open their mouth but suddenly turned to Blitz. "Wait, aren't you the-"
"Who said you wouldn't be around?" Polter grinned, drips of venom almost escaping her fangs as her hand gracefully slid on to the hammer of a holstered revolver. "Maybe we wanna take this real slow like."
"Ugh, please, Killer Dick, leave the fuckin innuendos to me." Blitz snarled. "We don't have the fucking budget for two of us."
"I don't remember asking you to talk." Erosa sneered towards the imp. "And I don't remember asking you to fornicate on my walks either."
"I don't fuckin remember asking you to steal Caterpillar's shit." Blitz snapped, the two now inches away with gritted teeth. "I don't remember the end of this fucking story either, but I think it involves you being dead."
"Now, everyone, let's not get that far, I'm sure we can -" Lenroy began, but was unable to finish as Gresha grabbed onto Polter's neck, skewering the reptilian with blood instantly pouring from the marks. Screaming from both sides was involved, and it distracted Erosa long enough for Blitz to grab his empty glass and smash it against the black cat's head, sending them falling to the ground as the bartender pulled out a pump shotgun, and slid a handgun to Blitz, who instinctually grabbed it and formed a devilish smile.
"Assuming you can find your way around one of these?" Leroy asked.
"Can do it with one hand tied behind my back, old timer." Blitz declared.
Leroy nodded, and formed what could almost be considered a grin. "I'll be watching, then." he said, and pumped his shotgun like a buff motherfucker before heading off to help Gresha. Blitz looked down at the unconscious Erosa shoved between the gaps of the seats, quickly grabbing the cat in a hurry and tossing him to the side. As he turned a towering shadow rose over him, and a revolver was soon pointed directly at the imp. Polter's finger pulled the trigger, but it was not fast enough for Blitz to dodge and push off the counter into a leap. The two clashed, with Blitz tearing away from the outlaw's grasp and finding a shot between her eyes. Suddenly, they were both pushed over by a very agitated black cat, and Erosa contacted a clean punch to Blitz's jaw.
Gresha took her place near Leroy, who aimed his shotgun at Polter from across the room, successfully blasting a few pellets into the reptile's skin before the snake howled in a burning pain and smashed her tail between the trio, sending the gun flying into the seats. Polter turned, frowning with the rage of the burning pain, and grabbed Leroy. Blitz sprung into action, physically throwing Erosa into the mix and getting the groups mixed up as everyone split apart among the rising dust and broken wood.
"That fucking hurt!" Polter screamed, followed by a harsh kick to her chest from Gresha, and sending the snake back onto the stage.
"You know the best part about big girls?" Blitz smiled. "They always end up going down first."
"Nah." Leroy chimed in, finding his firearm amongst the wreckage. "The best part is that they're not in my goddamn bar anymore!"
"Fuckin A, Cats." Blitz said proudly.
"Who the fuck is cats?" Erosa asked, confused. "I'm the only cat here."
"Don't worry about it." Gresha declared. "Just worry about my foot in your sorry ass!"
"One good shot and - rngh - and you're fucking good as dead." Polter winced. "I'm just fucking getting started."
Leroy curled his fists. "Then how about we level the playing field for you and do this the old fashioned way: Hand to hand."
"You mean you'll let me beat the shit out of you?" Polter smiled. "Fine, but we all put our shit in a pile."
"The fuck is this shit?" Blitz piped up. "Wrath Ring's Deathfight Fuckshitup'O'Rama?"
"Do they beat the life outta their enemies in that?" Leroy asked.
"That's the Fuckshitup'O'Rama part, Cats."
"Sure is." Polter smiled.
"He's not even a cat!" Erosa exclaimed.
"Then I suggest we follow in their footsteps." Leroy said.
"Orrrrr we could just fucking shoot you." Erosa added, fed up with the antics. "Y'know, get it over with and steal your fancy gun and shit." The cat turned to Blitz with a wicked grin. "Come-on, Slow Ride. You really gonna take the side of these sinners? They can't even go to half the rings!"
"Yeah, and you're on the only one where these fucks live." Blitz retaliated, continuing to raise his handgun. "All that head on your face and no fuckin brain to go in it."
"You're seriously telling me that you'd rather be stuck up here with these eternally damned nobody's, instead of helping out your fellow hellborn and getting a sweet cut from a haul... of an anointed gun? Surely for an imp, that would be good enough to retire early."
Blitz pondered internally. He looked at Leroy, who was looking at the imp in concern, and Gresha with a look of sadness. Blitz shook his head after glancing behind him, presumably close to where the location of this fancy object was located, and his yellow eyes glowed towards his two enemies.
"First off, bitch." Blitz raised his voice. "You and I are not the fuckin jizz from the same sock. Second, yeah it would be pretty great. Shit, it sounds like a really good idea, actually."
"Not helping." Leroy piped up.
"Right, but I'm not gonna fuck it up for an internet's wet dream and the CEO of scented candles."
"Who is who?" Gresha asked, tilting her head.
"Doesn't matter." Leroy smiled. "Silent I has a good point. Matter of fact, the deal's off. Yee-fuckin-haw, my friends."
Before anyone could act, a very angry large and injured reptilian woman scooped up Erosa and was soon making a line for the door. In the midst of today's events, combined with the hatred of being interrupted by two useless goons, a frustrated Blitz aimed their handgun and took a shot at Erosa, and the cat yelped as the thunder rang out and the duo were out the door.
"The fuck was that?!" Blitz exclaimed. "Aaaaugh, I was just getting hard."
"Guess you scared them off with that speech of yours." Leroy added, making his way to the now empty bar and flipping the sign to Closed before resting his firearm on the top of the bar. "Or maybe the big one saw a ghost or something."
"What ghost?" Styx asked, suddenly appearing from off to the side with a dusty complexion and metal pipe. Gresha smiled and hugged her friend, whereas Leroy gave a halfhearted smile, and Blitz gave his most powerful resting bitch face. "Shit, that could've been way worse."
"You weren't even fucking here!" Blitz exclaimed, startling everyone. "We did all that shit, I'll be fucked in the ground after my death if you think I'm giving you credit for anything!"
"Relax, Silent O." Leroy suddenly laughed heartily. "River might've had more help in this than we thought."
"What, like being so fucking hideous that it scared off Mrs Milf and her Pussy?" Blitz said, receiving a look of genuine dislike from Styx.
"Er, no." Leroy said. "Kinda? We said she ran out like she saw a ghost, right? No offense, River but you are very ghost-like."
"None taken." Styx said, smiling at the bartender. "I've always figured I look like this as some form of punishment. That and the dust on me probably didn't help."
"Punishment or not, it worked. I'll explain to y'all what they came here for after we clean up?"
Blitz raised an eyebrow. "We?"
Leroy turned to the imp with a stern complexion. "You get to keep the gun if you do."
"Deal."
"We did it!" Gresha suddenly yelled happily, bringing the group in for a hug. Styx happily accepted, embracing the oddly sweet smelling canine, whereas Blitz hesitantly tolerated the interaction, staying a distance away from Styx and thinking about which alleyway he was going to be in tonight.
Outside, Polter finally came to a halt near a familiar looking bridge, setting Erosa down as the duo winced and strained in their fortunately non-lethal encounter. The black cat rubbed the side of his buttox, the spot where the imp had shot them.
"Pot shot in the fucking ass." Erosa said, turning to their partner. "Are you okay? What the Here got into you?"
"A fuckin ghost." Polter breathed, eyes wide from adrenaline and fear. "I don't fuck around with them."
"Ghosts? Really?" Erosa exclaimed in anger. "Ghosts only exist in the surface world, you fucking obtuse bimbo. It was probably just someone trying to scare us."
"Don't give a shit, Erosa. I'm really fucking sorry but I've heard stories."
"Yeah? Stories of what?" Erosa asked. "Ghosts in Hell? We're on a ring full of them if you wanna get technical."
"No." Polter said flatly, sitting down to hold their arm. The cat continued to stand. "You're right about that: Ghosts aren't real down here, but some of them can find other ways down here. Broken tears and whatnot."
"Those are just stories." Erosa said.
"Well, I ain't getting damned among the damned today." Polter said. "We can just find another ring to work on."
Erosa sighed in anguish, pressing their fingers against the sides of his nose. "Great. First we get our asses kicked, then I found out it's because you shit yourself, and now you're rambling about ghosts. Fuck me, we're done here. Let's go rest up and get this thing out of my ass."
Polter stood, laughing hesitantly at the unintentional innuendo, and the duo took their leave from the bridge of unwanted fornication.
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A/N: Whew! Take a breath, you did it. Hope you enjoyed it though. I actually had a lot of fun writing this one.
By the way, apologies if the pronouns are everywhere sometimes. Styx is Their, Erosa is He and Polter is She, but Their is also universal so I end up getting myself confused halfway through writing. Accidental misgendering, y'know.
Anyway, my phone is almost dead. Thanks for reading and see you in Chapter 8: Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog. (yes really) ( ͡ ͜ʖ ͡)