Chapter 41
(Phoebe's POV)
Tomorrow is Henry's second birthday. I am so excited. I can't wait to make him feel so special and get to see his face light up because of all the toys. He has been such a sweet addition to our family.
Today, Nathan and I are going to talk to Lia after work. Right now I am in my office prepping to see a patient. Nathan is the doctor on the case and requested that I visit her before he comes in. She is a ten year old who he suspects has anxiety. When I head down to her room I am greeted by the hot blonde intern about to go into her room.
"Phoebe, hi," she says and I smile politely at her.
"Hi, are you going in there?" I ask.
"Yeah, I am doing rounds," she says and I nod.
"Well, rounds don't start til three, so I was planning on meeting with her before to help prepare her for rounds," I say. She checks her watch and nods.
"Shoot, I was hoping to get these done early, do you need to meet with her?" She asks and it takes about every bone in my body to not go off.
"Yes, I do," I say. That was not the answer she was expecting by the way she clears her throat and nods.
"If you don't have time I am sure Dr. Moore would be happy to take over," I say curtly and go to gel in.
"I'll be back with him at 3," she says and walks out. That is what I thought.
I walk into the room and see a petite 10 year old girl. I smile and introduce myself as Phoebe. When I sit down she scoots away from me. Poor thing. Her parents are usually here is what I have been told.
"I don't like it here, I want to go home," she says and I nod.
"What do you dislike the most about being here?" I ask her.
"When all the doctor's come in and they stare at me, it makes my belly hurt," she says and I nod. I will try to have rounds just be Nathan today.
"Would you feel more comfortable if just Dr. Moore came in?" I ask her.
"Yeah," she says quietly and bites her nails. Poor girl.
"Well how about today when the doctor come to check you it can just be you and Dr. Moore. If you want I can stay and hang out with you too. Maybe we can color or play on my ipad while he checks you," I say and she looks up and nods.
I get her setup coloring in a coloring book that my patients love and wait for Nathan. It doesn't take long for him to peak his head in and ask if he can come in. I ask to speak to him before they do. I tell Caroline to keep coloring and I'll be right back.
"How is she?" Nathan asks.
"She has a lot of anxiety about the interns coming in and watching you check. She says that is what makes her nervous and makes her stomach hurt," I say and Nathan nods looking at the group of interns who are sitting there staring at us.
"I will have them move forward and do the next patient while I check Caroline, give me a second to explain it to them," he says and I nod smiling at him. He always wants what is best for the patients.
When I walk back in the room Caroline is not in her bed. What the heck?" I check under the bed and around the chair. She is hooked up to an IV so I look at the IV pole and see it is outside the bathroom. She is inside, meaning her IV line is under the door. That is very dangerous. The line is not long enough to reach to the toilet so I know she is hiding.
"Caroline, sweetheart. Do you have to go to the bathroom?" I ask her. Maybe she tried to go by herself. I get on my hands and knees and try to look under the door.
"I don't want the doctors," she says and I sigh. She is hiding.
"I talked to Dr. Moore it is just going to be him, I need you to open the door for me," I say.
"No, you're lying," she says and I can hear her crying.
"Caroline, I promise I am not lying. It is just going to be us three in here. Please open the door I do not want you to get hurt," I say. She has locked the bathroom door. Lord knows why these doors lock isn't that a safety hazard?
I hear a door open and look to see a very confused Nathan. I motion that she is hiding in the bathroom. I hold up her IV line so he can see it is under the door.
"Dr. Moore just walked in caroline. It is just him in the room. We need you to come out. We won't do anything until we talk okay?" I ask her.
"No, I don't want to," she cries.
"Caroline, can you hear me?" Nathan asks.
"Yeah," she says quietly.
"I know you are feeling scared, but I don't have my residents with me. They are in another room with a different doctor. It is just me and Phoebe here. We need you to come out to make sure that you are safe, I promise I won't do any pokes today," he says gently and I know that means cortizone shots.
"I can't," she says.
"Are you stuck?" I ask.
"No, but I can't," she says.
"Caroline, don't be scared. We want to make sure you don't get hurt honey," Nathan says and she starts crying harder.
"Sweetheart, you aren't in trouble. We need you to come out now," I say and she reaches up and presses on the door handle so it unlocks. Nathan takes the IV line and I carefully open the door.
When the door opens, I see Caroline crying into her hands. Nathan wheels the IV pole into the bathroom so it doesn't get ripped out. We both bend down to meet her. "Let's get you back into bed and we can talk okay?" I ask. She nods. Nathan and I each take one of her arms and help her into bed. I pull the covers over her legs.
"Caroline, we don't want you getting out of bed without help when you have your IV in. Can you promise me you will be extra careful with it?" Nathan asks and she nods looking down.
"There are no other people, just us. We want you to feel safe here, sweetheart," I say and she nods.
"I'm sorry," she says.
"Hey, it is okay. No worries, we all make mistakes sometimes," Nathan says and she smiles at him.
"Should we get your check all done and I can see if nurse Maeve can bring you a movie to watch?" Nathan asks. She smiles and nods. This husband of mine.
We finish the check pretty quickly and Nathan keeps his promise. Caroline gets to watch Frozen II. I smile and head out with Nathan. I high five him and he laughs.
"You handled that like a pro," I say.
"As did you, I will meet you in your office before we go to see Lia?" he asks. I nod and smile.
I head back to my office and go back to filing and charting. The paperwork feels like it is never ending. I don't know how Nathan does it, his chart notes have to be incredibly detailed and precise. By the time Nathan comes to my office I am a nervous wreck.
"Hi," I smile as he sits in the chair in front of my desk.
"How are you?" Nathan asks.
"Nervous," I admit and he nods.
"Let's go in with no expectations," he says and I nod. That is a good way to do it.
"It'll be okay," I say as I put my things in my bag and grab my coat.
I smile as Nathan puts his hand on my back and we walk out. I lock my office and head down to Lia's. My heart is racing, but Nathan is right we have to go in with no expectations. Lia has the door open.
"Hey Moore's," she says and we come in and sit down.
"How is Henry?" she asks.
"He is amazing. His birthday is tomorrow so we are having a party," I say and she smiles.
"He is a lucky boy," she says and I smile. We are lucky.
"So what brings you in?" She asks.
"We have some questions about moving forward with Henry," I say.
"Okay," she says and looks between us. I am so nervous I could vomit. I actually feel sick.
"We have loved having Henry in our home. He fit right in and all of our family just adores him. Moving forward, we wanted to know what the adoption process looks like," Nathan says and I nod. I am happy he took the lead on that.
"Well, let me start off by saying, you both have been so great from Claire to Henry, you are easily the most compliant foster parents I have had. The adoption process is a grueling one here in Washington. We are still searching for any family who might want to take Henry in. We both know that you guys are a great fit, but it is the state's mandates. If there is no family, we then have to do family checks and these are extensive and include having people in your home and interviewing you family members. Then we can follow through with the adoption," She says and we nod.
"We are ready to do what it takes," I say and Nathan agrees.
"Well I will have some paperwork for you both to sign then we can move forward, since you are his foster parents it should not be as difficult," she says and I smile.
"Moore's you are the best," she says and I smile.
"You are the best thank you so much, Lia," I say and we stand up and shake hands.
"I will keep you guys updated. I have to talk to the courts and inform them that you are interested in adopting," she says and we nod.
As we walk out the nausea starts to get the best of me. Nathan goes to hug me and I dodge it running to the staff restroom. It is a one person bathroom. I go over the toilet and get sick. This has been happening a lot recently. I stayed home from work thinking it was a bug, but now I think I am intolerant to a food I have been eating.
Nathan rushes in and rubs my back. I stand up and wash my mouth out. Nathan is leaning against the wall watching me. "Are you okay?" he asks. I nod and go over hugging him.
"I think I was just so nervous that I threw up. I also am about to get my period and the stress," I say. Nathan nods and takes my hand. We walk out to the car and get in.
"We should order Taco Bell tonight," I say. Nathan looks at me strangely.
"You hate Taco Bell," Nathan says and I nod. I do, but it sounds so good. My periods are so weird.
"Doesn't it sound good though?" I ask him. He laughs, shaking his head.
"We can get it if you want," he says and I smile.
When we get home, Henry greets us with screaming hugs and begging us to play. We pay Stella and let her go. Nathan puts his stuff away while I talk to Henry about dinner time. "Do you want McDonald's?" I ask him.
"YES BEE YES" he yells and I smile laughing.
"McDonald's it is," I say and he claps running over to Nathan when he sees him.
"Nate, we go Donald's," Henry says and NAthan raises an eyebrow looking at me.
"Mcdonald's now huh?" he says and I give him my best puppy dog face. He laughs and says he will go pick it up cause he has to run to CVS.
"Perfect," I write down our orders and he heads out.
While he is gone Henry and I play with cars and make a big race track along the house. He gets so excited as I push the car and it zooms across the kitchen. I love this little man more than anything.
"Good Job, Hen," I say and high five him. Nathan walks in and my mouth starts watering. I am never a fast food eater but tonight it sounds amazing.
"Nate, watch," Henry says as he shows him our track while Nathan puts our food down.
"That is awesome, buddy. I am so proud of you. Come eat dinner now," Nathan says and Henry and I walk over. We all sit eating our McDonald's. Nathan of course just made himself a piece of chicken and a salad.
"Health nut," I tease him.
"Help butt," Henry tries to repeat and we start laughing. He is so funny these days.
After dinner, Nathan and I bathe Henry and put him to bed. He had a very busy day with Stella. They went to the children's museum and then walked in the park. He was out like a light right when he put him in bed.
When Nathan and I go downstairs we head into our bedroom. I get ready for bed. I put on one of Nathan's t-shirts and panties. I throw my hair up in a messy bun and lay on my side on my phone. Nathan walks in and sits by my legs.
"Hey Bee, can we talk?" He says and I sit up and look at him. This is odd.
"What's up?" I ask him.
"You have been getting sick recently. Usually at the end of the day and having some weird cravings. I am worried about you. When was the last time you had your period?" Nathan asks. Oh no he thinks I am pregnant.
"I think I just am intolerant to gluten or dairy," I say quickly. Nathan takes my hand and squeezes it.
"Bee, it is okay. I know that this is all scary and there is so much room for disappointment, but you have to be honest with me here," he says. The lump in my throat grows and I have to hold back tears.
"Bee," Nathan says and I start to cry. The miscarriage has made me terrified of getting pregnant. I also want to be pregnant. There are so many emotions flooding in me right now.
"Shhh don't cry," Nathan says and takes me in his arms. I wipe my eyes and try to pull myself together.
"October 6th," I say. Nathan looks at me. "The date of my last period," I say. He nods and checks his watch. I am about 3 weeks late. Nathan grabs something from beside me and I know it is a pregnancy test. That is what he got from CVS.
"If it is negative, we'll keep trying. Avoiding it is not the answer," Nathan says and I start to get frustrated. Doesn't he understand I can only take so much.
"No, I am not pregnant," I say.
"Bee," he says and I repeat myself.
"I am not pregnant," I say.
"How do you know?" he asks. I am so irritable and I just want him to stop talking about it.
"Because I took one last week. It was negative," I say a little louder than I had hoped. Nathan is silent. He nods and puts the test down.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks and I feel horrible. This is as hard for him as it is for me.
"I'm sorry," I say and wipe my eyes.
"I didn't want to disappoint you," I say.
"Babe, don't you understand? We are a team. This is not your job to get pregnant for me. I want this as bad as you do, but not at the expense of your mental wellbeing. It'll take both of us to make this baby. Please let me in," he says and he is completely right.
"You are right," I say and he takes me in his arms. He rubs my back as I try to compose myself.
"Maybe, just take the test. So we know this is something else. I will come do it with you," he says and I nod. I stand and we go to the bathroom. Nathan leans against the counter as I take it. If you would have told me years ago I would be comfortable peeing in front of this man I would have laughed.
I lay the test down and know it is going to be negative. I put my head against Nathan's chest and he wraps his arms around me. Another disappointment is about to come and I can feel it. It is going to hurt to see the look on his face as we find out I am in fact not pregnant. The test beeps and I let Nathan pick it up. His face drops. I look down because I can't take it to see him upset.
"Bee," he says and hands it to me.
My world stops.
PREGNANT
"No, no it can't be… I… it was negative last week, I I can't be," I say as tears stream down my face.
"It could have been a false negative," he says and walks towards me with the biggest grin. He goes to hug me and I stop him.
"Or this could be a false positive," I say. I am physically not letting myself feel happy because I know that disappointment is coming.
"Bee, take another," he says and I do. Then another, then another. After a whole 4 boxes I look at them.
PREGNANT
PREGNANT
PREGNANT
PREGNANT
"Nathan," I hold my face to my hands and fall to my knees crying. Nathan gets on the ground with me and I straddle his knees hugging him.
"You're pregnant baby," he says emotion flooding through his voice. I am sobbing happy tears.
"I am so scared," I say and he shakes his head.
"No, you don't have to be. We will go in tomorrow to see Dr. Greene before the party. You're pregnant, Bee," he repeats and I go back to hugging him. I cannot believe it. At all there is just no way that I am.
I am going to be a mommy.