Chapter 46
(Phoebe's POV)
I wake up to my alarm and rub my eyes. It is my first day back to work after Christmas break. Tomorrow we have the hospital new years eve party. All of the staff comes together and celebrates the New Year. It is my favorite event of the year. Henry is staying with my parents. We made the mistake of telling him yesterday, thinking he would be sad. He hasn't stopped asking to go to Nana and Bubs house.
I sit up and head into the bathroom. I am 15 weeks pregnant. I am offically in the second trimester. My bump is now here permanently. It doesn't fluctuate anymore like it did. It looks more like I ate a big meal, but the baby is healthy and that is all that matters to me.
I brush my teeth and wash my face. I put my hair in a pony tail and head to get dressed. I put on a sweater and jeans. I turn to see Nathan. "Hi," I smile and kiss him.
"You look pretty," NAthan says.
"You flatter me," I smirk.
"Where is the little man?" I ask.
"Still sleeping. He woke up at 3 last night," Nathan says.
"What? Why didn't you wake me," I ask.
"Because you deserve sleep and I can handle it," he says and I smile.
"Thank you," I say and he kisses my head.
We head out to the kitchen and make breakfast. Stella arrives and we let her know he is still sleeping. Nathan and I head out and drive to the hospital. "How are you feeling this morning?" Nathan asks.
"Good, I think baby is finally settling in. I don't feel sick at all," I say. Nathan rubs my stomach and I smile.
"What does your day look like?" I ask him.
"Two surgeries, rounds, then I am in the ER," he says and I nod.
"I have two new patients and then a meeting with the psychology team," I say.
"Is this a routine meeting?" Nathan asks.
"Yep, and I am going to tell them I am pregnant," I say and Nathan smiles.
"It is so weird to think in 7 months we'll have a baby," he says and I smile.
We pull into the hospital and Nathan walks me to my office. "Have an awesome day," he says.
"I love you," I say and kiss him. He heads out and I settle into my office. My phone rings and I answer it.
"Phoebe Moore," I say.
"Hey Pheebs, we need support in the ICU, we have a sibling who just lost their brother," I hear and I nod.
"I'm on my way," I say. Bereavement is something that I support, but it is far and between when I'm needed.
I head down to the ICU and get directed into a room. There is no hospital bed, so I assume that the child that passed has been taken out. There is a young girl about 8 who is sitting in a chair staring at the ground. There is a nurse with her. Her parents have gone downstairs. "Hi there, I am Phoebe, may I come in?" The nurse tells her that she is going to let us talk.
I sit down next to her and notice that she is wearing a Elsa shirt. "Do you like Elsa?" I ask her. She nods and stays looking down.
"Me too," I say. "What is your name?" I ask her.
"Mia," She says and I smile.
"I have an Aunt named Mia," I say. "My name is Phoebe," I say and she nods.
"Can you tell me how you are feeling?" I ask her.
She shrugs and keeps looking at the floor. I pull out a picture chart with emojis. They all are wearing a different expression. Usually I use this with young kids who can't articulate what they are feeling, but I do not think I am going to get Mia to talk.
"Can you point?" I ask. Mia looks at the board and points to the angry face.
"You feel angry?" I ask and she nods.
"That is okay to feel angry. It is okay to feel whatever is in your body," I say and she nods.
"Do you have any questions?" I ask her. She looks at me and then the floor.
"Why did he die?" She asks me. My heart breaks. I fight the urge to cry. My pregnancy hormones are not helping during this situation.
"Mia, your brother's heart was sick. His heart stopped working and that is why he died," I say and she looks worried.
"Will I die?" she asks. These are very common questions for children who have lost a sibling.
"No, Mia your heart is healthy," I say and she shrugs.
"Who's fault is it,"she is feeling angry and wants someone to blame. This is very understandable.
"It is no one's fault. Your brother's heart was sick. No one could have fixed it," I say and she nods.
"Mia, is there anything you want to say to your brother? I brought us a piece of paper so we can write him a note," I say. She nods and sits up.
"I want to say I am sorry for not sharing my toys. I wish I could share my toys now," she says and I pretend to rub my eye while I wipe away a tear. I write that down.
"I want to say that I loved Star Wars. I am going to watch all of them now," she says and I nod. I write this down.
"I want to say that I will make sure to hug mommy and daddy every day," she says and I nod. I watch as tears fall down her face.
"I want to tell him, I love him more than the moon and stars," she says and it takes every bit of strength I have not to cry.
"I think he knows that," I say.
"You do?" She asks.
"I do, he knows you loved him so much Mia," I say and she nods.
Her grandparents walk in and she runs to her grandma. Her Grandma is sobbing and holding her. The grandpa comes up to me and shakes my hand thanking me. "If you need anything, please do not hesitate to tell the nurse," I say. He nods and I head out. I rush back to my office. When I shut the door the dam breaks.
I sit in my desk chair and hold my stomach. My heart breaks for their family. When we had a miscarriage, it felt like my world was ending. I had only known that baby for 5 weeks at the time of the miscarriage. This family had 10 years to watch this child grow. They loved him so much.
Between my hormones and dealing with this case. I am heartbroken. I do something that I never do. I call Nathan. I just want to hear his voice.
"Pheebs? Is everything okay?" I hear.
"Yeah, are you busy?" I hear Nathan excuse himself.
"Bee, where are you? Why are you crying?" I hear his worried voice.
"In my office, are you busy?" I ask.
"No, no I am on my way," he hangs up the phone. Now I feel silly for calling him and interrupting his day. I sigh and wipe my eyes.
Quicker than I thought possible my door swings open. Nathan is there in all his glory and in his scrubs. He looks effortlessly hot. He shuts the door and I quickly throw myself at him. He wraps me in his arms and holds me to him. One of his hands is on my back and the other is on my head.
"Bee," he says and holds me tightly there.
"Shhh I am here, don't cry," he says in my ear.
"I am sorry," I say and he shakes his head.
"Don't apologize," he says. He holds my face in his hands and looks at me.
"What is going on?" He asks
"I just supported a child whose brother died, and it was just hard. My hormones are acting crazy and I am sorry for interrupting your day," I say and Nathan shakes his head.
"I am sorry baby, that is so hard. I am sure the family was lucky to have you with the child. You didn't interrupt anything, I was just doing rounds. The interns took over," he says and I nod.
"Come here," he says and wraps me in his arms again.
"I hate seeing you sad," he says. I wrap my arms around him and nod. He rubs my back and kisses my head. We stand there for a good five minutes.
"You okay?" He asks and wipes my eyes. I nod and grab a tissue.
"Yes, I am. You get back to work," I say and he smiles. He leans down kissing me.
"Call me if you need anything okay? I love you," He says and butterflies come in my stomach. He always knows what to say.
"Love you too, thank you," I give him a smile. He kisses me one last time then heads out. I head t the bathroom to clean up.
For the rest of the day I am called from place to place. I finish up in my office and then head down to the car. Nathan is waiting for me. I get in the car and kiss him. He looks so good in his scrubs. I wonder everyday how I got so lucky.
"Hi Bee," he smiles.
"Hi, how was your day?" I asked.
"Good, both my surgeries went well. I also got through all my rounds for the day. How was the rest of your day?" he asks as he rests his hand on my leg.
"Pretty good," I say and he smiles.
"How is the little one?" He asks and his hand goes to my stomach.
"HAsn't made me sick, just making my emotions go crazy," I say and Nathan smiles.
When we get home, Stella and Henry are watching Moana. Henry stands up and sees us then jumps off the couch running towards us. "Bee, Nate," HE yells. I smile and bend down to his level. I catch his flailing body as he hugs me. This never gets old.
"How was he?" I ask Stella as Nathan and Henry talk.
"He was good, I let him nap a little longer today. He was fussy and pretty tired before it," she says and I nod.
We pay Stella and she heads out. Henry and Nathan are heading back to our bedroom. I am sure Nathan is going to change while Henry lays on our bed. I clean up the remainder of Henry's craft.
When Henry and Nathan come back out, Nathan has changed into a grey long sleeve shirt and black pants. I smile at him and bend down to Henry. "Did you have a good day?" I ask him.
"Yep," he says and I smile.
"What do you want to do for dinner?" I ask him.
"Cheese," he says and I smile. He wants grilled cheese.
"Okay, we can do grilled cheese, do you want it now or later?" I ask him.
"Now, peas," he says.
"Good job saying please," Nathan says and high fives him.
"I will make the grilled cheese, do you want to start our dinner?" I ask him.
"Sure, Hen can you help me?" NAthan asks. Henry smiles and runs over to him.
The rest of the night is spent hanging out and playing with Henry. It is so nice to spend the night with my boys. We all go to bed early because we have a big day tomorrow. Nathan has me against his chest and is rubbing my head as I fall asleep. We fall asleep in each others arms.
I am getting ready for the ball tonight. It is the hospital's New Year's Eve ball celebration. Nathan has Henry on our bed watching Toy Story. Nathan is in his tux and looks amazing. He comes in behind me and kisses my neck. I have my hair curled and my makeup on. I have a long dark blue evening gown. My little bump is prominent in this dress as it is tight and then flows out.
I am still in my robe as I put my perfume on. I go into my closet and ask Nathan for help. I strip off my robe and slip on the dress.
"Will you zip me?" I ask him.
"Gosh you are a vision, Phoebe Moore," Nathan says and I smile.
"Look at you," Nathan says. I turn in the mirror as he stands behind me.
"Look at the bump," I say and turn showing Nathan my baby bump.
"Hi in there," Nathan says and kisses my belly.
"Krincess," Henry yells. I turn and see him in my closet. He is in his jammies and looks adorable. He is calling me a princess.
"She does look like a princess, huh buddy," Nathan says and I smile. Henry smiles and reaches his arms up to me. I pick him up and hold him.
"Nana Bubs?" He asks. I smile and tell him we are leaving in 5 minutes.
I gather Henry's bag and my clutch then head out to the kitchen. We head down the elevator and get into the car. We drive to my parents as Henry watches Moana in the car. I could recite that entire movie.
When we get to my parents house, they are standing outside waiting. "BUBS NANA," Henry yells and I smile. We get out of the car and Henry runs to my parents. He is so excited to stay with them. He has been nonstop asking when he is going.
"Look at you," my dad says and hugs me.
"Hi dad," I smile.
"Hi Bubs, you are glowing," he says. "Look at your bump," He says and I smile turning and showing it off.
"Oh honey, you look stunning," my mom says.
"Thank you," I smile.
We give my parents the rundown and say goodbye to Henry. He waves both of us off as he is so excited to see my parents. I hug both of my parents goodbye and get into the car with Nathan.
"Just you and me," Nathan says and I smile.
"You do look amazing," Nathan says and I blush.
"Stop that," I say and he smiles. We drive off towards the venue.
When we pull up to the venue it is covered in twinkling lights and looks beautiful. "Wow they did a great job," I say and Nathan agrees.
We valet the car and Nathan puts his hand at the small of my back as we walk in. "Moore's look at you," I hear. I turn and see Nathan's fellow surgeon.
"Hi Mike," Nathan says as they shake hands.
"Congratulations, on the newest addition to your family. I have four and let me tell you they are the greatest gift," Mike says and I smile.
"Thank you so much," I say.
"How are the kids?" Nathan asks.
"Active, I get a workout every time I am with them," he says and I laugh. Mike is a great guy. We are offered champagne by a waitress. Nathan takes a glass.
We walk around and see Lia. She is with her husband who works in psychiatry. "Hi Moore's," she says.
"Hi Lia," I say and hug her.
"How is the little guy?" she asks.
"At home with my parents," I smile and she nods.
"Aw I am sure he is loving that, and look at you," Lia says. She puts her hand on my stomach and I smile.
"Growing like a weed in there," I say and she congratulates us.
The president of the hospital speaks and congratulates us all on a great year. He is a great man and runs the hospital very well. I turn and see Nathan talking to none the other than his blonde intern. She looks stunning tonight. Her hair is in an updo and she has on a tight silver dress. Her figure is perfect.
If I could turn green with envy I would, as she puts her hand on Nathan's shoulder and they laugh. I know this is not baby hormones because I would be jealous either way. I take a deep breath and walk over. As I hear her tell Nathan that he is the best.
"Hi Phoebe," She says.
"Hi," I smile. Nathan puts his hand on my back.
"I was just telling your husband that I am stealing him for a drink one night," she says laughing. I give her a half smile and look at Nathan.
"That would be fun," I say and she nods.
"Wow, you are popping in that dress," she says. Wow that is the complement of the century.
"How many weeks are you?" she asks.
"I will be 16 next week," I say and she smiles.
"Wow, my friend didn't show til 25 weeks with her first, that is awesome that you already have a bump," she says and I give her a tight smile. This bitch is about to get my fist to her face.
"Well I better go get another glass of champagne, Nate do you want anything?" Is he not Dr. Moore to her anymore. Only I call him Nate. My jealousy is raging now.
"I am okay, thank you though," he says.
"Well let me know if you do. nice talking to you Phoebe. Nate I will see you later," she says and touches his arm before walking off.
I sip my water and turn from Nathan. "What's wrong?" Nathan asks and I feel rage flare. Is he dumb? Here are the hormones. I let out a scuff.
"What?" Nathan asks and I shake my head.
"Nothing," I say.
"I am going to say hi to Jeanine," I say and when I go to walk away Nathan stops me.
"What is wrong?" Nathan asks and I shake my head.
I go over and speak to my coworker. Nathan did not follow me. I talk to my psychology team for awhile. I stop by the snack table and grab some cheese and crackers from the charcuterie tray. I look around at the venue. It is beautiful here.
My eyes scan the room and stop when I see Nathan. He is talking to the blonde intern again. This time at the bar. He has a beer now and they are leaning against the bar talking. What the fuck? Now I am just pissed.
I want to leave, I have been in heels all night and I am feeling pissed at NAthan. I also am exhausted. I know my hormones aren't helping, but I am in a sour mood now.
I check the time and see it is almost midnight. I was not made to stay up this late. When I look up from my purse Nathan is walking towards me. "Hey, you looked wiped you ready to go?" He asks. I wish I wasn't angry.
"Yes," I say. He frowns and looks at me.
We start walking out and he puts his hand in mine. We go to the valet and hand him our ticket.
"That was fun," Nathan says.
"I am sure it was," I say and he looks down.
"What is going on with you?" Nathan asks.
"Nothing," I say and get into the driver's seat. Nathan has been drinking, so I am driving. I pull out and drive off.
"Obviously it is not nothing, you have been acting upset," Nathan says. I shake my head and keep my eyes on the road. Whatever.
"Bee," Nathan says.
"Nothing," I say. We pull into the garage and I get out of the car. We get into the elevator and Nathan wraps his hands around my waist. He goes to kiss me and I dodge it.
"What seriously what is wrong?" Nathan asks as I walk out of the elevator. I take my shoes off and head into the kitchen. "You're obviously pissed at something," Nathan says.
"You, I am pissed at you," I snap. Nathan looks at me and looks confused.
"What, what did I do?" he asks.
"You looked liked you loved your conversation with the blonde. She even had a nickname for you," I say and he scowls at me.
"Phoebe, what?" he says and I shake my head.
"Nothing I am being hormonal and I am tired," I sigh too exhausted to fight.
"No, you don't get to drop that bomb then go to bed. I was just talking to her. She is my intern," NAthan says.
"There's a difference between talking and having to watch her stroke your shoulder and call you Nate, if a hot intern was stroking my arm and calling me Pheebs you know you'd be pissed," I say.
"Jealous, but not pissed because that would not be your fault. Phoebe, I can't control what other people do, but I only have eyes for you. You know that," he says.
"Do I?" I ask.
"Look down? You're pregnant with my child, I figured that would be a clue?" he says. He is being snappy now. I roll my eyes and head into our room.
"No you don't get to walk away from this, you started it we are finishing it," he says. I turn and glare at him.
"You started it by letting the blonde flirt with you right in front of me," I say.
"What did you want me to do?" He asks.
"I don't know, maybe not let her touch you and call you by your first name. You were just telling me it is hospital policy that they call you Dr. Moore," I say.
"Phoebe," he says and pinches the bridge of his nose. I roll my eyes and go into my closet slamming the closet door.
I take off my dress. I had on a lacy bra and underwear set because I thought Nathan and I were going to have some alone time tonight. I sigh and put on pajamas. I take off my jewelry and go wash my face and brush my teeth.
I go to the kitchen and make myself a cup of tea. I hear Nathan in our bedroom. I sigh and sit by the fireplace. I turn it on and stare at the fire. I guess I might have been overreacting. It didn't help that he got defensive. I know that he would never cheat on me, I just don't like that he let's her be so casual. Maybe I am in the wrong.
I hear Nathan's footsteps and I turn. I see him standing there. I go back to looking at the fireplace. "Bee," he says.
"Hm?" I say and take a sip of my tea.
"I am sorry," he says and comes and sits down next to me by the fire.
"You don't have to say that," I say assuming he just wants the fight to be over.
"No, I thought about it and you are right. She was being very casual with me and I can see how you would take that," he says. I look at him. "I am sorry, Bee," he says.
"I am sorry for not talking to you about it, I was being childish," I say and he takes my hand squeezing it.
"I will make sure to talk to her about being appropriate," he says and I lean forward kissing him.
"I love you," I say.
"And I love you," he says. All of a sudden there is a flutter in my stomach. I gasp and look down.
"What? Bee, are you okay?" Nathan kneels in front of me.
"I think, I think, I think the baby just moved," I say. I put my hand on my stomach waiting for it to happen again. All of a sudden there is another flutter. I can't feel it on theoutside, but inside it feels like a tickle.
I give Nathan the biggest smile as his hand rests on my belly. "The baby is moving babe," I say with a wide grin. He laughs and looks at me.
I launch myself at him as he holds me to him. "Our baby is in there," I say and he smiles.
"I love you," I say over and over again as we wait for another flutter.