Chapter 68
Nathan's POV
I hold Claire to me and stand there as she cries. It breaks me to hear her cry. This girl has taken up so much room in my heart. She wraps her arms tightly around me. I don't let go or try to talk to her.
I rest my chin on the top of her head and let her cry. Her first therapy appointment took a toll on her. I know it'll be good for her, and Pheebs says so too, but it doesn't make seeing her like this any easier.
She hiccups in my arms and continues crying. I know she needed this after her getting in trouble, which is always hard for her to have us be upset at her, and her appointment. I rub her back.
"Claire," I finally say and she shakes her head.
"Talk to me," I say and she shakes her head. She keeps her arms wrapped around me. I take them and unwrap them from around me.
She keeps her head down and I take her hand and have her sit on the bed. She stays staring at the ground. I kneel in front of her and look at her. She has tears streaming down her face. She angrily swipes the tears away.
"Talk to me," I say again gently.
"She asked me," her voice breaks. "She asked me about my brother and the… the rape," she starts sobbing.
"I don't want to… I don't," I wrap my arms around her as she cries into my shoulder.
"I don't want it to ruin me anymore," she finally says and begins hysterically sobbing. And my heart shatters.
I wrap her tightly in my arms and pull her to me. She stays with me on the ground and I hold her to me. "You are not ruined," I say against her head.
"I am, Nathan. He broke me. He fucking broke me," she cries and I shake my head.
"Claire, you are not broken. You are not broken at all. What happened to you makes you stronger. You are resilient, and smart. You are not broken," I say and she shakes her head.
"I don't want to do this anymore," she says and I pull her away from me.
"What do you mean?" I ask her, forcing her to look at me.
"I don't want to be scared anymore," she says.
"Bear, you don't have to be scared. At all. I have you, Phoebe has you, Christian and Ana have you. William has you. You do not need to be scared. You are so loved. Nobody looks at you differently because of what happened sweet girl," I say and she shrugs.
"I mean it, it's going to take time Claire," I say and she nods. She takes a shaky breath and wipes her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she says and I shake my head.
"Do not apologize," I say and pull back, wiping her face off.
"It's hard," she says and I nod.
"It is tough, but you, my dear, are tougher," I say.
"I don't deserve you and Phoebe," she shakes her head.
"Claire, you deserve the world sweet girl," I say and she picks at her fingers. I pull her hand away before she makes herself bleed.
"We love you so much, Claire," I say to her and she gives me a half smile.
"I love you guys too," she says and I give her a big hug.
"Now will you please come eat?" I ask her. She laughs and nods.
"Can I have a second?" She asks and I nod. I give Claire some privacy and head downstairs to Pheebs.
(Phoebes POV)
I am getting ready to go out with Ava for drinks. I am hoping Nathan's talk with Claire is going well. I put some makeup on and settle for a sundress. I don't want to try to fit in my pre-pregnancy jeans.
Nathan comes in behind me and kisses my head. "Hi Bee," he says.
"How did it go?" I ask, turning.
"The therapy session shook her up, she said she didn't want to be broken anymore," he says and I frown.
"Maybe I shouldn't go tonight," I say.
"No, you haven't seen Ava in awhile and you deserve a night off after today," today was hard.
"Plus you look beautiful," he says. Nathan Moore, my own personal sweet talker.
"I won't be late, and I pumped 8 oz," I say and he kisses me.
"Baby, we have a bunch in the fridge and a bunch frozen. We also have baby formula for back up. Do not worry , Henry won't wake up and I'll have Sawyer and Claire," he says and I nod biting my lip.
"Go," he says and smacks my butt. I smile and head out.
I meet Ava at the Franklin Room. A rooftop bar in downtown Seattle. She already has a martini and a flatbread appetizer waiting. I smile as she gets up to hug me. She looks stunning in jeans, a blazer and stilettos. I feel self conscious for a split second.
"Hi cousin," she says and shakes me from side to side.
"Now are you?" I ask her.
"Thriving as senior designer. I have to pinch myself," she says. The waiter comes over and I get a Moscow mule.
"This will be my first drink since being pregnant," I laugh and Ava tells me how happy she is it is with her.
"How are you, mama? You look great by the way," she says and I smile.
"My hands are full but my heart is fuller. I am exhausted but very happy," I say.
"Good, how is my baby niece?" She asks. I pull out my phone to show pictures of Sawyer.
"Why has she already grown? I am coming over tomorrow to see her," she says and I smile. Sawyer has grown like a weed.
"Now tell me about this court dilemma, how is it possible that You got taken to court?" She asks.
"It's crazy what money can buy," I say and she shakes her head while taking a big sip of her martini.
"He deserves to rot," she says and I nod. I don't disagree.
"How is Nathan handling it?" She asks and I sigh. The waiter drops my drink off. I take a big sip. Boy did I miss alcohol. I take another sip for good measure.
"He is okay, he hates his dad more than ever and is upset this whole thing happened," I say and she nods.
"Hopefully we can all take the holiday weekend to relax and recharge," she says. We are hosting Fourth of July this weekend.
"I know, I am hoping so too. It'll be Sawyer's big debut," I laugh and Ava nods.
"I know. Everyone is so excited to meet her. My mom hasn't stopped talking about it. My dad too. I told them they should have had another," she shrugs finishing her drink and ordering another round. I take another swig of mine.
"I think you were enough," I say, making her laugh.
"I think so too," She says and I smile.
"How has Henry been," she asks.
"He is in full blown toddler mode. Giving us a run for our money everyday, but he really has the sweetest heart," I say and show her pictures of him.
"I want that framed," she laughs at the picture of Henry in his big boy underwear and rain boots with one of my Chanel purses in his hand.
I get another drink too. It is crazy how much of a light weight I am now. Ava fills me in on her new role at the office and what that means. We also talk about Maisy. Her daughter and our goddaughter, Oakley, turns one this month.
"I have missed you, mama," she says and I smile.
"I have missed you more," I smile and she pats my hand.
After 3 rounds of drinks, Ava and I call it a night. She has work and I need to pump. After a long hug and a promise to do this again soon we go our separate ways.
When I get home, I realize I am a little tipsy. Maybe more than tipsy. It is 11 pm but feels like 4 am. I walk into the living room and see Nathan on the yoga ball we bought when Sawyer was being stubborn and wouldn't turn to go head down. He has her in his arms and is bouncing her gently.
"Little miss has been having a rough night," he says and I frown. I walk over and give him a kiss.
"You taste like ginger, how was your night?" He asks and I smile.
"Moscow mules, and it was a lot of fun. I missed her. She said to give you her best," he smiles.
"Has she eaten?" I ask him.
"Yes, she just had 3.5 oz," he says. I nod and look down at her.
"She looks content to me," I say and he stops bouncing and stands up. Sawyer loses it the instant the motion stops. He sits back down and continues bouncing.
"I feel horrible, have you been doing this all night?" I ask him.
"No, Claire did it til 10:30, William even did for a bit too," Nathan says and I laugh.
"Thank you for holding down the fort," I say and kiss his lips.
"Of course, Bee," he says and smiles.
We head to bed once Sawyer is asleep. I am looking forward to the Fourth of July. I want to see my family.
(Fourth of July)
I walk out to a jumping Henry, a screaming Sawyer, and Claire asking Nathan if he is sure she can't go out today. While this may sound like chaos, I wouldn't have it any other way.
"Momma, momma, momma," Henry says and grabs my cheeks.
"What, buddy," I ask him.
"It's four Juwy," he yells.
"You are right, have you eaten breakfast?" I ask him.
"Yep, Bubs brings me donuts," he says and I smile.
"Is my dad here?" I ask Nathan who is rocking a screaming Sawyer.
"Yeah, he brough us coffee and donuts. He went outside to see how things are coming along. Your coffee is right there," he says and points to the counter.
"Hi Pheebs, can I borrow your white skirt?" Claire asks. She is in sweatpants and a cute red top.
"Sure, go ahead," I say and she runs off to my closet.
"Do you wanna get Henry ready and I will get little miss ready?" I ask and NAthan nods. I want to take the screaming human off his plate.
Nathan passes Sawyer to me and I bounce her trying to get her to calm down. "Sissy woud," Henry says as Nathan picks him up. He covers her ears and Nathan and I both laugh.
I take her upstairs and rock her side to side. "Shhhh," I say and slip her under my shirt. She starts to eat and I smile down at her. I am in a white maxi dress with my hair up in a red hair tie.
As she eats, I pull out her outfit for the day. She has a white and red striped romper. She has a big blue bow and some white socks with toole. She is going to look like a little doll.
Once she is done eating and calms down, I get her dressed. I sing to her as I put her clothes on. She looks at me and gives me a smile. I all but scream for Nathan. A half dressed Henry, Nathan and Claire run in.
"Bee, are you okay?" Nathan asks.
"Look look look, she smiled," I say and start singing again. She does the same little smirk and Nathan laughs picking her up.
"Did you smile," he asks her and tickles her belly. Claire is smiling and laughing.
"I smile," Henry says and I bend to his level.
"You did look at your handsome smile," I say, making sure he doesn't feel left out.
"What's all the commotion in here," I hear my dad's voice. I haven't seen him in a little bit.
"Sawyer gave us a smile," I say. I know it is a reflux and not an actual smile, but seeing her face light up made my day.
My dad comes over and gives me a big hug. "You look so pretty, Bubs," he says and I smile thanking him.
The room clears out, but my dad stays with me and Sawyer. He is holding her and she, of course, is calm. She loves her Bubs, just like Henry and Claire. "How are you doing after the court date?" He asks and I shrug.
"I mean, he is still locked up. It just scares me that he can do that," I say.
"I know, we haved upped security around here. We are going to be okay," he says and I nod. He kisses my head and sits next to me holding Sawyer. She is the cutest little bean.
"She has your eyes," he says and I nod. She does have the Grey family eyes. She is lulling to sleep in her Bub's arms. I take out my phone and snap some pictures of the two of them. They are absolutely adorable.
"Should we be heading out?" He asks and I nod. I try to take Sawyer, but my dad keeps holding her.
"I got her," he says and I laugh.
We head outside where people have already arrived. Claire and Willian are talking to Elliot who is keeping them laughing. Henry is with my mom sneaking some snacks. Nathan is talking to the Cruz's. I smile and point them out to my Dad.
We walk over and nine year old Spencer is the first to throw her arms around me. Her and I have always had a special bond. "Hi sweet girl," I say.
"Phoebe, can we see the Baby?" She asks jumping up and down. She is so sweet.
All of the Cruz kids give me hugs. I love that I still have a great relationship with this family almost 8 years later. Rose wraps me in her arms. "Hi, Pheebs," she says. Their youngest Karsyn is almost 3. It blows my mind how fast these kids grow.
"Do you guys want to meet your new friend?" I ask all six of them.
"Yes, yes, yes," Blake says and pulls on my skirt. I take Sawyer from my Dad. She is sleeping now, which might be better. I bend down and all the Cruz kids surround me.
"Pheebs, she is so cute," Charlie says. I smile and ask if they want to hold her. I pass her to Charlie who is a natural. Quinn strokes her head. I take a bunch of pictures and get Henry in some too.
"Can I hold her now," Spencer says and I laugh.
"Sassy sassy, where is Nathan?" Quinn asks. I laugh and point over to where Nathan is. The older boys go find him.
Spencer holds Sawyer as Rose and I catch up. Henry, Karsyn, and Blake have run off and are playing. "How are you holding up?" Rose asks me.
"I am exhausted, but so in love," I smile and she pats my hand.
"If you ever need a babysitter, you know who to call. Lord knows we owe it to you," Rose says, making me laugh.
More people walk in and I get to see all of my grandparents. Sawyer is getting all the love today. Between Kate and Ava and Mia, Sawyer has gotten a new wardrobe of clothes today. Their excuse is always "Oh come on how could I not," which makes me smile.
Sawyer gets hungry and starts screaming. My dad brings her over to me and I head inside to feed her. I go up to her nursery and dim the lights. I am going to feed her then put her in the baby wrap on my chest to get her to sleep. She eats like a champ and then I change her diaper. I put her in the baby wrap and head outside.
I head over to my grandma Grace and grandpa. "Pheebs, look at you," my grandma smiles and kisses my head.
"How are you doing, darling?" my grandpa asks.
"Well, I am exhausted, but my heart is very full. Henry has been in those full blown toddler moments," I say and my grandma nods.
"If you ever need us to come over, we would love to," my grandpa says.
"I know, you are welcome anytime. You know the kids adore you," I say and they smile.
I head over and go over to Claire. She is sitting with Henry and William. "Hi friends," I say. It is time for Henry to take a nap. If he wants to make it to the fireworks, we need him to sleep.
"Momma, Will give me mac and cheese," he says and shows me his empty plate.
"Oh yummy, did you say thank you?" I ask and Claire nods.
"Henry, can you come with momma inside?" I ask him. I know better than to tell him out here that it is nap time. He will throw himself on the floor and scream.
"Yep," he says and hops off Claire's lap and takes my hand. I walk him inside and we go upstairs.
"We are going to take a nap before the fireworks and the yummy desserts," I tell him when we get to his room.
"No, no nap," he starts crying and trying to run out the door. I shut it and stand in front of it. I bend down to his level praying Sawyer doesn;t wake up to his yelling.
"Henry, look at me," I take his arms in my hands and look at him.
"You are going to take a nap so you can be happy and not tired at the fireworks tonight," I say. "I know you are upset, but you can pick two books to read," I say and he throws himself on the floor. Instead of feeding into it, I go over to his bookshelf.
"Should we read Brown Bear Brown Bear What Do You See? Or Chicka Chicka Boom Boom," I ask him. He looks at me and walks over forgetting his tantrum.
"Um I want Hippos go berk," he is talking about the book hippos go berserk.
I lay him in his bed and he is out before I can finish the second page. I turn on his sound machine and sneak out. Luckily, Sawyer did not wake up and is out on my chest.
I walk downstairs and Nathan is walking in. "Did you just put him down with her?" He asks and I say yes.
"You are superwoman, I am sorry I should have been here to help," he says and I touch his cheek.
"Stop that, I can handle it," I say and kiss him.
"You look beautiful today," Nathan says and I smile.
"Thank you," I blush. He kisses me again and guides me outside.
The rest of the day is spent eating, drinking, and hanging out with our friends and family. Henry is obsessed and has the best day. He is asleep on Nathan as the fireworks go off. My dad took Sawyer inside, so she didn't get scared or hurt her ears. Nathan has an arm around me and everything in life feels good.