Chapter 69
We are recovering from the Fourth of July. It is time for Claire to go back to Susan's. She is leaving today and I can tell she has been off about it. Sawyer is one month old today and growing like a weed. She just hit 5 pounds 13 oz today.
We are eating lunch with all three kids. Nathan has Sawyer in one arm and is eating with the other. Henry is telling us a story from day care. I think it has something to do with butterflies because he keeps flapping his wings.
"And then what happened?" Nathan asks. He is so engaged in what Henry is saying and I can tell Henry is eating it up.
"Den I waked out and taid no more," Henry says and crosses his arms, making me laugh. He is so stinking cute.
"Woah," I say and he smiles. He takes a big bite of his mac and cheese. He is such a ham. I eat my salad and look at Claire who has barely touched her food.
"Not good?" I ask her and smile.
"No it is, I am just not very hungry," she says. I know change is hard for her. She has been at our house for three weeks now.
"Are you excited to see Susan?" Nathan asks. Claire nods and looks down.
"I don't want Cece to weave," Henry says and Claire looks up at him.
"I don't want to leave either buddy," she says and Henry frowns. I frown too, I want Claire to be happy in her home. I would be lying if I said I never wished Claire just lived with us.
"Don't weave Cece," he says and gives her the pouty lip. She smiles painfully and looks at me.
"Come here buddy," she says and pushes her salad out of the way. Henry walks over and she pulls him on her lap and gives him a hug.
"I love you Cece," Henry says and I see Claire's eyes well with tears. I know how much she loves him and how hard it is for her to leave him.
I lock eyes with Nathan and he gives me a comforting nod. "Momma can Cece stay?" Henry asks.
"Buddy, Cece has to go home to her house," I tell him.
"To Cece's Momma?" he asks and I shake my head.
"Cece's aunt, like your Aunt Ava and Berk," I say and Henry looks at Claire then me.
"Where Cece momma and dadda?" Henry asks and I open my mouth to speak but then decide I should let Claire answer.
"My mom got sick buddy and couldn't take care of me," she says and Henry looks at me and then Nathan then Claire. Claire's parents were into drugs.
"Wanna pway?" He asks Claire.
"I gotta go home buddy," Claire says. We all stand and walk Claire to the door. I give her a big hug.
"You are welcome here anytime. I mean it," I say and she nods. I hold her to me and squeeze her for just a bit longer.
Claire gives Henry a big hug then Nathan passes Sawyer to her. She gives Sawyer a big kiss and squeezes her tight. Sawyer is awake and staring at her. I take Sawyer from her so she can hug Nathan.
Nathan wraps her in his arms and kisses her head. "We are always here Bear," Nathan says and she wraps her arms around him and hugs him. I see her shudder a little bit and my heart breaks knowing she doesn't want to leave.
"You should come for dinner this week, you pick a day we will make pizza," Nathan says and she nods. She doesn't let go of him. I look at Nathan and frown.
Claire pulls back and she is crying. "Okay, I should go," she says and forces a smile. I don't want her to go, but I know she has to.
"Okay, I love you guys," she says and we all tell her how much we love her. When she walks out the door Henry throws himself on the ground and starts crying.
"Hey, hey, hey," Nathan says. I have Sawyer so Nathan bends down to Henry who is throwing a major tantrum.
"Henry," Nathan says calmly. Nathan picks Henry up so he is standing and they are eye level.
"Why are you upset?" Nathan asks.
"I want Cece stay," Henry says and Nathan nods.
"Are you feeling sad or angry," Nathan asks and I smile. He is such a damn good father. I am so lucky.
"Sad," Henry says.
"Can I give you a hug or do you want to calm down in your special spot?" Nathan asks. We made Henry a special calm down corner. It has stress balls, a mini yoga ball for him to bounce on, and dim lights.
"Hug," Henry says with the cutest pouty lip. Nathan reaches for him and holds him in his arms. Henry pats Nathan's back and it makes me smile.
"Thank you for using your words," Nathan says to Henry and gives him a high five. Henry does a little dance making us laugh. He is such a ham.
Tomorrow we have my mom's retirement party. It is going to be over the top per Grey usual. Henry has a little suit and we got Sawyer a dress. I am going to attempt to fit into one of the dresses I own.
Sawyer starts to get fussy so I rock her gently. Today we have her and Henry's check up at the doctor. Henry has to get shots. I am not looking forward to this. Henry likes the doctor because he gets lollipops and stickers.
"Okay let's get ready for the doctor," I say. We have been preparing him for this all week.
"Docta time," Henry does a little dance. I take Sawyer upstairs and pick out a onesie. I put a newborn hat on her. She is so tiny and sweet.
I take her downstairs and feed her. She takes the bottle like a champ. I hear Henry and Nathan singing the pj mask theme song. I laugh at that.
When everyone is ready we head out. I have leggings and a sweatshirt on and feel gross. I need to shower and sleep, two things I haven't been able to do with Sawyer, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Nathan of course looks beautiful driving the car. We are being followed by our security. Henry is talking our ear off about tomorrow's party. He is more excited than all of us combined. He is a big party boy.
We get to the doctor and I carry Sawyers' car seat in. Nathan has Henry in his arms. We sign in and Henry goes to play with the toys. "If he wasn't sick before he's going to be after he touches those" I say in disgust.
"Nothing to get the immune system working like exposure" Nate says and I laugh.
I rock Sawyer's car seat trying to get her to sleep. She is alert right now. Nathan is absently rubbing my back.
"Claire's birthday is next week," I say and Nathan nods.
"Aren't your parents having a party?" He asks and I nod. Is that even a question?
"Sawyer and Henry?" A nurse calls. Henry runs up to Nathan and wants to be picked up.
We get directed to a room and placed in there. They ask us to strip Sawyer to her diaper. "Momma, I want truck" Henry asks.
"Buddy, I didn't bring your truck. Do you want mommy's phone to play on?" I ask him. Henry shakes his head and crosses his arms pouting. I try not to laugh because he looks so cute.
"Can you use your words?" Nathan bends down to his level.
"I want trucks," he says.
"I know you want your trucks and I am sorry that makes you feel mad, but we don't have it here. Would you like to play with nothing or momma's phone?" Nathan asks. Nathan is truly one of the most patient and amazing parents.
"Nofing" Henry says and goes over to Sawyer who is in my arms. We have him on the bench too.
"Hi, we are here to measure Sawyer and Henry. Since mom and dad are both here, why don't one of you come with Henry and I and Alyssa will be here to measure Sawyer," she says. I am already holding a sleeping Sawyer so Nathan takes Henry.
A young nurse comes in and introduces herself as Alyssa. "Okay I am going to take some measurements. Would you put her on the scale?"
"6 lbs 2 oz," she says and I smile. Our girl has gained 2 lbs since birth.
She continues doing her checks as Sawyer is sleeping. She is in the Lower percentile for height, weight and head size. It is okay because she is growing at a great rate.
The nurse then goes on to ask about eating and sleeping habits. She is doing great in both departments. She asks about her poops and exposure to germs. She writes all of this down and heads out.
Henry comes back in and Nathan is laughing about something. "How is she?" Nathan asks, reaching for a sleeping Sawyer.
"Slept through the entire thing, she weighs 6 lbs 2 oz," I say and Nathan smiles down at her.
"How did you do, little man?" I ask Henry.
"I supa tall and supa strong," Henry says and jumps around. I laugh at the ball of energy in front of me.
There is a knock at the door and Dr. Robinson walks in. "Hi everyone," she says sweetly. I love our pediatrician.
"Hi," I smile. Henry runs behind my leg and hides.
"How is everyone," she asks, sitting on her stool.
"Good," I smile. "Henry, can you say hi?" I ask him.
"Hi," Henry says and I smile, picking him up and setting him on the exam table.
"Well it looks like both Henry and Sawyer grew," she says and starts putting on gloves.
"Henry, how old are you now?" She asks him. He holds up two fingers and she smiles.
"Two years old? That's crazy. I am going to look into your ears okay, buddy? What is your favorite movie?" She asks him. She tries to distract him as she examines him.
"Cars," he says and she smiles. She is looking in both his ears.
"Are you fast like lightning McQueen?" She asks and Henry nods quickly.
"I supa fast," he says and I look at Nathan and wink. She checks his mouth and listens to his lungs.
"Henry, can you lay down for me?" She asks. Nathan is rocking Sawyer who just woke up. I have a feeling she will be screaming here shortly.
"No," Henry says and I am surprised to hear him say it.
"Lay down bud," I say.
"No," Henry says and I look at Nathan.
"No is not an option Henry. Do you want to lay your head here or here?" I ask him.
"Here," he says and lays down. The good choices trick always works.
She checks his stomach and he seems to be doing okay. "Okay, Henry has to get his Dtap and MMR vaccines today. Can I see little miss?" She lays Sawyer on the exam table while Nathan distarcts Henry.
Sawyer does great and ends up falling asleep. We put her back in her car seat and she is done for the day. We say our goodbyes and await Henry's shots.
"Henry, can you listen to momma?" I ask him getting eye level with him.
"Yep," Henry says and puts his hand on my shoulder.
"Today you have to get two pokes. It is going to be super fast like lightening McQueen then we get chick fil a for dinner," I say and Henry loses his ever loving mind. I always tell him because I don't believe in lying or holding him down.
"No pokes no pokes," he says and tries to run for the door. My mom heart breaks.
"Hey buddy, shhh," I say and pick him up. He is thrashing and pushing me away.
"Buddy, I know you are sad, but it is going to be very quick then what are we going to get?" I ask him calmly.
"No pokes," he cries. The nurse comes in and I can see she is already done with the crying.
"Henry, here buddy you can sit on mommy's lap and get them," I say and Henry keeps crying.
"No shots," he says.
I get him on my lap and have his arm down. Nathan helps by holding his legs down. He is screaming crying. The nurse does both shots quickly and Henry is screaming.
"Stop mommy stop pwease," he is screaming. My heart absolutely breaks. I hold back tears. I know this is for his health but it breaks my heart.
"All done," I say and turn him towards me. He is screaming and crying on my shoulder. We thank the nurse and head out. Henry is inconsolable as we take a sticker and sucker for him.
"You did so good buddy," I say and pass Henry to Nathan as we buckle Sawyer into the car.
"Daddy, no more," Henry says and Nathan nods, whispering to him and rocking him.
We put Henry in the car and turn on cars. As we head home I look back and Henry is asleep. It is his nap time anyway. We let him sleep and pick up food. I drive to our house and Nathan picks up a sleeping Henry and I take Sawyer into the kitchen.
I slip Sawyer under my shirt and feed her lunch. Nathan comes down and kisses my head and unpacks our chick fil a. "That was brutal," I say and Nathan nods.
"Whole new level of respect for parents at the hospital," Nathan says and I nod.
I switch Sawyer to my other boob and she keeps eating. I pat her butt as I sip my iced tea. "Are we ready for tomorrow?" I ask Nathan.
"We should be. Stella is picking the kids up at 7 to go home and go to bed right?" Nathan asks and I nod.
"Perfect, then she is staying the night and we are staying at the hotel?" Nathan asks and I nod.
"I'm excited for a full night's sleep," I say and Nathan laughs.
"Me too," he says.
"I am excited to get you alone too," he says and I smile.
Oh boy.
(Following evening)
"Nate, will you zip This?" I ask. I have on one of my key evening gowns on.
It is a blush pink color with a high neck and a slit in the bottom to show a little leg. It is one of my more flowy dresses so I am hoping it'll fit.
"Wow Bee," Nathan says and I roll my eyes.
"I mean it, you look hot," he says. I know he knows I am self conscious. I'm Glad he's being so nice.
He zips me up and I turn. I have lost a lot of weight. I have been trying to eat healthy, and give myself grace. But it is hard. I have always been naturally tiny.
"Thank you," I say and look at myself in the mirror. My dress is very beautiful. I have my hair curled and make up on. I look to see a bit of a pooch on my stomach. I sigh and turn.
"I'm going to get Sawyer ready," I say. Nathan grabs my waist as I walk out.
"I mean it, you look beautiful," he says and kisses me. I smile and walk to her swing and pick her up. He is so sweet, I am just having some weird body image issues. I am sure they are normal.
I take Sawyer upstairs. She wakes up in my arms and begins to cry. "shhhh sweet girl," I say and rock her gently. I get her a paci and she happily takes it.
I dress her in a little pink dress with ruffles. I put a matching pink bow on her. She looks too cute to handle. I take a million pictures before Nathan and Henry walk in.
"Oh my goodness," Henry says as he sees Sawyer.
"Mommy and buggy, beautiful," he says and that makes me tear up. He is in a mini tux like Nathan.
"Look at my girls," Nathan says and I smile.
"Look at my gurls," Henry says
We head out. When we get to the hotel we get many family photos taken. Nathan takes some of me and the kids and I do the same with him. I have Sawyer in my arms.
My dad went over the top for this party but it is so fun. The ballroom looks amazing. "Where bubs?" I hear Henry ask Nathan.
I see teddy and liv walk in. Liv looks amazing. She is in a tight fitting pastel blue gown. She has lost all her baby weight and looks so good. Not that she didn't before. Leo is not with them tonight. He is 5 months old so his sleep schedule would be thrown by this event.
"Hi," I smile hugging them both.
"Oh my gosh, her dress," Liv dotes over Sawyer. I pass her over and she holds her. Teddy smiles down at her and fixes her bow.
"A little over the top huh?" Ted says laughing.
"A little?" I say and we laugh.
"Dad throwing a party for mom, we should have known," Ted says and I nod. He's not wrong.
"Hi Uncle Teddy," Henry says and teddy bends down talking to him. Liv is still doting over Sawyer.
"You look amazing, Pheebs," Liv says and I shake my head smiling.
"I should be saying that to you," I say.
"Oh thank you," she smiles.
"Stop hogging my niece," Teddy says and takes Sawyer. Liv bends down to Henry and dotes over his tux. He does look so cute.
"Hey guys," I hear Ava and Andrew. Ava is in a tight black gown with her hair up. She looks stunning.
"Hi cousin," I hug her and Andrew. "You both look amazing," I say.
We all get a glass of champagne. I have enough pumped for Sawyer that I can drink then pump and dump. "I go to Bubs," Henry says and starts to walk off.
"Woah woah woah," Nathan and I both say. Everyone around us laughs.
"Hey buddy, we'll find him but right now we are staying with our friends here," Teddy hands Ava Sawyer. I am starting to think bringing the kids wasn't the best idea. They are only here another hour until Stella comes and takes them home.
"Look at you, pretty girl. I want to take her home," Ava says. I laugh and know she would feel differently with the 12 2 4 and 6 am wake up calls.
"Drew, you have candy?" Henry asks and I laugh. This kid. He has every person in our family wrapped around his finger.
"There's Mia Ethan and the kids," Teddy says as I am talking to Ava.
I look and see Isabelle and Mia talking. William is holding hands with Claire. Claire looks stunning in her emerald gown. Mom bias aside, she is the most beautiful teen. There is something off about her. She looks sad.
We wave as they come over. We all sit at a table together. I give Claire a big hug and ask if everything is okay. "Yeah, of course, thank you for having me," she says and I smile.
"You are family," I remind her.
Nathan has Sawyer, but gives her to me so he can greet Claire. I put Sawyer in her car seat and rock her. Henry is sitting on Teddy's lap talking his ear off about who knows what.
I have another glass of champagne and sit enjoying my families company. My dad and mom finally made it to our table. We get a bunch of family pictures before we can greet each other.
"Bubs hold me," Henry says. "Peas," he says without us having to remind him. My dad picks him up and I get a couple pictures of them.
"Congratulations Mom," I say and she thanks me and kisses my head. She bends down to Sawyers car seat where she is sleeping peacefully.
When Stella comes I tell Nathan that I will walk them out. "Buddy say bye to dada," I say to Henry.
"No weave," Henry says and I know this is about to be fun.
"Henry, guess what we have at home," Stella asks him.
"WAINBOW BUBBLES?" He yells and she nods. He jumps up and down giggling. We need to give Stella a raise.
I get the kids off and head back inside. Nathan is talking Ethan. I walk over and he puts his hand on my back. "Hi, they get off alright?" He asks and I nod smiling.
"Yes, they did," I say and smile.
I get another glass of champagne. I am feeling the buzz already. Nathan and I move around talking to people until it is time to sit and eat dinner. My dad catered Italian which I am so excited about. My mom goes up to the stage and takes the microphone.
"Hello everyone, thank you all for being here tonight. It means the world to me. I would like to thank my husband for throwing this beautiful event tonight. I also would like to thank Jerry Roach, for taking a chance on me all of those years ago. Grey Publishing will always have such a special place in my heart. I am raising a toast to my staff, friends and family, cheers," everyone raises their glass.
We all eat together. I am next to Nathan and Ava. The food is delish. My mom is telling a story of her first day at work as an intern. I really am so proud of her.
"Is Claire okay?" Nathan asks in my ear. My eyes move down to her side of the table. Her eyes are downcast as William says something to her. I wonder what is going on.
"I don't know. I'll keep an eye on her," he says and I nod.
The tables are cleared and drinks are now flowing. "Phoebe Grey," I hear a man's voice say. I turn and see one of my mom's old interns.
"Michael," I smile and give him a hug.
"Wow, you look amazing," he says and I smile. Michael was an intern when I was in college. He is two years older than me. My mom always said he has a crush on me.
"So what's new with you ?" He asks.
"Well I got married and have two kids," I say and he looks taken aback.
"Already?" He asks. That's kind of an odd reaction.
"Yep, what about you?" I ask.
"Well, I am a nonfiction editor at GP, soon to be author," he says and I smile.
"Michael that's great. You'll have to let me know when the book comes out. I would love to read it," I smile.
"Yeah, we could grab dinner and discuss it," he says and My smile falters.
"As friends," he says and I nod. I sense Nathan before I feel his hand on my waist.
"Nathan, this is Michael, one of my moms interns awhile back, Michael this is Nathan my husband," I say and Michael shakes his hand.
"Pleasure," Michael says.
"Likewise," Nathan says.
"Well Phoebe, it was great talking to you. Here's my card so we can arrange that dinner," he says and walks away. Nathan raises an eyebrow.
"Don't," I say and nathan raises his hands in defense.
"Could be fun," Nathan smirks.
"Oh piss off," I laugh.
I get a cocktail with Nathan. "I am so excited to sleep tonight," he says and I smirk.
"Just sleep," I ask.
"Well among other things," he says and I smile.
"Hey Claire," Nathan says and I turn sipping my Moscow mule.
"Hi girl," I say and give her a hug. "Hi William," I greet him too.
"How are you guys?" I ask them.
"Ready for bed," Claire says and I smile.
"Long day?" I ask.
"Yeah I took ACT,"
"Oh my gosh, I completely forgot you told me about that. How did it go?" I ask her. I feel horrible that I didn't text her good luck.
"Hopefully okay," she says and I nod.
"Let us know how it goes," I say and she nods.
"Are you guys staying here or going home tonight?" Nathan asks. He does not want to know the answer to that. I see Claire tense up.
"Here," William says and I quickly change the topic.
"Claire, you have a birthday next week," I say and she smiles.
"18," she says and I shake my head.
"Crazy, we are going to have a party for you and Nathan at my parents house," I say and she smiles.
"You don't have to do that," she says.
"Of course we do, it's your birthday. And besides look around, this is for my mom's retirement. You think Christian Grey is not going to go over the top for your 18Th birthday," I say, making her laugh.
"It'll be great," William says and she smiles at him.
"Yes it will," I say.
The rest of the night goes very smoothly. I'm officially drunk and Nathan is tipsy. We are laughing as we make our way upstairs. When we get to our room he helps me and unzips my dress. He starts to kiss my neck.
I turn and start kissing him. I undo his tie as we make out. This is the first time we have been alone since Sawyers was born. I get his suit jacket and dress shirt off and push him back on the bed. My dress is still on, but unzipped.
He tries to take my dress off but I am quick to start blowing him. He lays back and gently puts his hand on my head. I haven't done this in too long and it is turning me on.
I keep sucking him while he groans. "Fuck Phoebe," he says and I look up at him smirking. I like him from bottom to top.
I keep doing this until he says he's close. I use my hands and my mouth and take him to the end. I swallow every drop and sit up. "My turn," he says as he kisses me and flips up. I suddenly get self conscious. My body is still soft and I don't know if I'm ready for him to see me like this.
"Wait… it's okay," I say and he looks confused. I have never refused oral sex. Why would I?
"What?" Nathan says. I need to be honest, mostly because I can't think of an excuse.
"I'm not ready for this," I say and Nathan pushes back.
"What do you mean?" He asks.
"Like… I'm not, I'm not ready for you to see me like this," I say and he frowns.
"Baby, I want to respect your boundaries and never push you to do anything you're not comfortable with, but when you say you aren't ready for me to see you, what do you mean?" He asks. The buzz is wearing off. Why do I feel like I'm about to cry.
"Like… maybe I'm not ready for you to see me after having a baby. I don't look the same and I want to get back to how I was," I say.
"Bee," Nathan laughs."Do you honestly think I don't find you attractive? Shit I've had to cover up my hard on all night because of you," he says. That makes me blush.
"I don't care if your body is changed. It doesn't make a difference to me. And for what it's worth babe, your ass and tits are driving me nuts," he says and I laugh. A way with words this boy has.
"Seriously, bee I'm not going to push you to do anything you aren't comfortable with, but I would love to taste you right now," he says and I smile.
"Okay," I say quietly.
"What was that?" He asks cupping my cheeks.
"Okay," I nod. He smiles and pulls off my dress. He makes a show of staring at me and rearranging his boner.
"You… are… so… fucking… sexy," he says as he kisses his way down to between my legs.
For the first time in two months, he brings me to orgasm. I am sure the neighbors hear it, hell I'm sure it shook the hotel how loud I was being. I forgot how nice it was. We both pass out quickly after.