Phoebe's POV
I wake up to Sawyer screaming for more milk. Who knew a three month old could be so loud? I reach over and get her from the bassinet and slip her under my thin pajama shirt.
It has been a rough couple of days. Claire has yet to unpack her stuff. Nathan is back at work this week. Henry is still going to daycare. Since there is so much change at home we wanted to keep his routine as firm as possible.
"Shhh," I say as I pat Sawyer.
Nathan turns in his sleep and I smile at him. He's simply so beautiful. I can't believe he is mine. Sawyer is starting to drift off to sleep. I check her diaper and swaddle her back up. I burp her and place her back in her bassinet.
I am about to fall back asleep when Henry's monitor goes off. I mute it quickly to not wake Nathan. I head up to Henry's room. When I get there I hear talking.
"Da monsters," I hear Henry's little voice.
"There's no bad monsters here, Henry," Claire's voice comes in.
Oh no, I feel bad. I don't want her to think she is responsible for Sawyer or Henry. Even though she has insisted on watching Sawyer when she gets home from school. Her therapist told me I should let her if it brings her peace.
"Yes there are da bad monsters." Henry says and I smile. His imagination is getting so wild.
"There's good monsters silly," Claire says and I see her climb into his small bed. He lays his head on her chest. Oh I wish I could bottle this moment up and save it forever.
"What's his name?" Henry asks already drifting back to sleep.
"Ummm French fry," she says and Henry giggles.
"Hims name is French fry?" He asks and Claire nods.
"Yep and guess what he eats?" She says.
"French fry?" Henry asks.
"How'd you know?" She says and Henry giggles again.
Claire rubs Henry's head til he falls asleep. I head back to bed and go to sleep.
I get woken up by Sawyer crying. I sit up and grab a diaper. I change her quickly and get to work feeding her. Her hair is changing to a light brown. It reminds me of Nathan's in the summer.
Nathan walks in wearing just a towel around his waist. I gulp and my thighs clench. Gosh he's beautiful.
"Morning babe," he says and leans down kissing me then Sawyer.
"Morning daddy," I say.
"Guess where I found Claire this morning?" He says.
"Henry's bed," I laugh and tell him the story. He smiles towel drying his hair.
"She's amazing." He says and I nod.
Nathan comes back in his scrubs. Gosh he's edible.
"Here," he says and takes Sawyer. I follow him out to the kitchen. Henry is with Claire. They are both eating breakfast.
"Fry snores," Henry says making himself crack up. I laugh at his laugh. I kiss his head then Claire's.
"Mommy, did you make breakfast for fry?" Henry asks.
"Now who is fry?" I say feigning innocence.
"French fry da monster in my room," Henry says palming his face. He makes us all laugh. The drama.
"I did not, I don't think fry needs breakfast," I tell him. Henry shakes his head.
"Yes hims does," Henry says.
"Hen, I brought him some toast when you were getting dressed he ate all of it," Claire says and he accepts that answer. I mouth thank you and wink at her.
We sit and eat breakfast. I give Claire money for lunch and fill Henry's water bottle. Claire drives to school and Nathan drops Henry off on his way to work.
Once everyone is out the door I clean up. I have Sawyer in her swing. She is drifting off to sleep so I get her in her bassinet for her first nap of the day. I take that time to get into the shower.
The day sneaks away from me because the front door is already opening and Claire is walking in. I look and it's only 1 pm she should be at school. The day isn't going as fast as I thought it was.
"Hun what are you doing home?" I ask her. I have Sawyer strapped to my chest in the baby wrap.
She storms upstairs and doesn't say anything. I hear her door slam. I flinch and head upstairs.
"Claire?" I say.
"Go away, please," she says. She sounds like she has her head in a pillow.
"Is everything okay?" I ask her. "Are you hurt or sick?" I ask her.
"Please just go away. I am fine I feel fine I just want to be alone," she says and I accept that. I head back downstairs.
I get a picture from Henry's daycare of him and his little friend playing in the sandbox together. I smile and know that means a bath is in his future.
I am worried about Claire, but try to give her space. She actually has therapy today. Nathan was supposed to take her, but maybe I'll have him stay with the littles.
I get a call and see it's from Claire's school. "We wanted to inform you that Claire did not appear in 7th period," I sigh. Great she skipped class. I do exactly what I shouldn't do and bail her out of it.
"I forgot she had an appointment, please excuse us," I say and get it sorted out.
Sawyer starts to scream and I get her out of the wrap. "Hi little miss," I say and set her down on the play mat.
We do some enrichment time and she practices her kicking. I sing her some songs and shake her rattle. She really is the spitting image of me. She has Nathan's hair and lips but besides that is all me.
The front door opens as I am putting dinner in the oven. Henry comes barreling through. "Momma I made you dese," Henry shoved his paper flowers in my face.
"Oh Henry they are lovely," I say and smell them. Glue and construction paper.
"No momma they are not real they don't smell," he says sending Nathan and myself into a fit of laughter.
"Let me see my baby girl," Nathan says and takes Sawyer from me. He kisses her and holds her close.
"Where's bear?" Henry asks looking around. Usually she is watching Sawyer while I cook dinner. She hasn't come down from her room and every time I tried to check she tearfully turned me away.
"She is upstairs resting her body," I tell Henry and he accepts that answer.
"Okay, I go to play," he says and runs off. We have a monitor in his playroom so we can watch him.
"Is Claire feeling okay?" Nathan asks. I explain what happened to him.
"She has therapy in an hour," Nathan says checking his watch. I follow him upstairs. He has Sawyer in his arms.
"Claire," Nathan says.
"Please leave me alone," Claire says and I can hear her crying.
Nathan is stronger willed than I am. He opens the door and walks in. "What part of leave me alone did you not get?" She asks and I am surprised with the level of sass.
"Please don't use that tone with us," Nathan says gently.
"You have therapy in an hour so we'll need to leave in 30 minutes." Nathan says and rocks Sawyer. She is holding his badge in his hand.
"I'm not going today," she says and wipes her eyes.
"Yes you are. Please be downstairs ready in 30," Nathan says and she shakes her head.
"No," Claire says.
Nathan picks up her keys. "Claire you are going. I am keeping these and will see you downstairs in 25 minutes," he says.
"Just get the fuck out," she cries.
"Claire," we both say at the same time.
"You don't want me just leave," she says and I sigh.
"Claire, honey we love you more than words can say. We want you here but you can't treat us like this," I say and she wipes her eyes.
"Please," she says and Nathan and I nod.
"Downstairs in 25," Nathan says.
We walk downstairs and I blow out a big breath. "We're getting there." I say and Nathan nods.
I walk into Henry's playroom. He is building a tower. I smile as he taps his chin. I can see the wheels in his head turning.
"Hi buddy," I say to him.
"Hi momma, where bubs today?" He asks and I smile. Everyday he asks.
"Bubs is working." I tell him and he nods.
"Can he come play?" He asks.
"Hmmm maybe he and nana can," I say and Henry smiles and starts to dance.
"I wove you momma," he says and hugs me. I squeeze him tightly. I can't believe he's mine.
"My belly feeling hungry," he says and I nod.
"Let's go eat some dinner," I tell him. He races me to the kitchen and wins. He climbs up to his high chair and waits.
Nathan has Sawyer on the play mat and is kissing her cheeks. She is smiling and reaching for his face.
"Nathan, do you want to eat before or after?" I ask him. He is going to be taking Claire while I bathe the littles.
"After is fine," he says.
I get Henry a plate of the chicken and rice casserole I made. He is obsessed with it. I get him some milk and kiss his head.
"Tanks momma," he says and I smile.
"Of course baby," I say.
Nathan and Claire have to leave and she still isn't downstairs. I head up to go check on her when her dorm slams. I sneak back into the kitchen. My parents weren't kidding when they said teenagers are scary.
She comes down in a hoodie with her wrapped hand covered up. I am hoping therapy is productive and she doesn't shut her out. "You hungry?" I ask her and squeeze her shoulder gently.
"No thanks," she says and I nod.
"You ready?" Nathan asks. He put Sawyer in her swing where she is sitting contently.
Claire ignores him and walks out the door. I smirk and watch as Nathan follows her. I put Sawyer in my wrap as I take Henry upstairs to give him a bath.
I sing and laugh during bath time with Henry. He is such a ham. He makes me feel all the feels.
I get him into his Jammie's and rock him while we read. He gives Sawyer a Kiss and I'd be damned if I didn't tear up.
He falls asleep super easy tonight. Daycare wears him out. I take Sawyer and get her down. We are starting to place her in her crib for the first stretch of the night then when she wakes up we move her to the bassinet in our room.
I head downstairs and clean up dinner. I am wondering what is going on with Claire. Something had to have happened at school for her to be acting this way. I know she has been struggling since William left for school. I have a couple bites of my dinner and finish cleaning. I check both monitors and the babies are out. I decide to take a shower for some me time. I wash my hair and dry it. I put on pajamas and head out to the kitchen just as the garage door is opening.
The door opens and I see a frustrated Nathan and an angry Claire. Not what I was hoping for. Claire all but sprints upstairs and Nathan tries to stop her. "Claire you need to eat dinner. It is non-negotiable," Nathan says, and Claire's door slams.
"What is going on?" I ask him. He shakes his head.
"She wouldn't talk to Ann. Ann had me in and it made her more mad. She said she didn't need a fucking babysitter. She stormed out of the session when Ann tried to bring up if this was about Susan." He explains, and I rub my head.
"Ann and I talked, and she believes Claire is acting out because she believes she isn't loveable and it is easier to push us away to protect herself instead of letting us in and getting hurt," he says.
"That makes a lot of sense. I see it all the time in kids who have experienced abuse. They'll either go above and beyond to be perfect so no one leaves or push everyone away. We just need to continue showing her unconditional love," I say and Nathan nods.
"Ann also brought up that we should consider a psychiatrist. Claire's anxiety and depression is a lot for her to handle, and she believes medication may help." Nathan says. I am glad Ann said that because I have honestly been wondering if we should see someone too.
"This isn't for the weak," He says and I laugh. Not at all.
"I am going to bring her dinner and talk to her," I say and he nods. "You rest," I say and give him a kiss.
When I get upstairs Claire is laying on her side texting. "Hi sweetheart," I say and she doesn't respond.
"I brought you dinner, I am going to set it here," I say and she still isn't speaking.
"Claire," I say and sit on her bed. "Please look at me," I say in my mom voice. She does and my heart breaks. Tears are welled in her eyes and she looks so fragile.
"Sweetheart what is wrong?" I ask.
"I don't know," she says and cries. "I feel so unhappy all the time, and I miss William. I love being here but I am so homesick," she says and I nod. I pass her a tissue.
"Claire you have moved so much, being homesick is understandable. Nathan and I are here for whatever you need. As for William, have you guys been able to facetime?" I ask her and rub her arm.
"Yeah, but it is not the same. I am worried he is going to find someone better," she says and I nod. It is completely understandable for her to believe that. Her parents, brother, and aunt abandoned her. In her mind, why would William want her.
"Better than you?" I gasp. She laughs at that.
"Bear, William is so in love with you. I can see it on his face. Yes, being a part is hard, but you guys will work it out. If he ever decides to break up with you 1. He is fucking stupid, and 2. You deserve someone who wants you and only you," I say and she nods.
"It just doesn't make it hurt any less," she says, and I nod. I get her worries. I felt it all through college with Nathan.
"Nathan and I did long distance too," I say and she picks at her bandage.
"Yeah, but you and Nathan are perfect and so in love," I laugh at that.
"We are far from perfect, but we are in love just like you and William. Nathan and I fight and yell, we just never do it in front of you guys," I say and Claire looks at me.
"About what?" She asks.
"Well when we were in college, there was a lot of jealousy and lack of communication," I say.
"But my advice to you to avoid that is to make sure you have set times that you talk. Times where it is just you two talking with no interruptions. If one person can't do it at the scheduled time you reschedule it. Prioritize each other," I say and she nods.
"That's a good idea, it's just hard. I keep picturing him at these parties with college girls and then there is me," she says and I shake my head.
"You are not just Claire, you are smart, tenacious, giving, thoughtful, beautiful, and supportive Claire." I say and she sighs and wipes her eyes.
"I guess," she says.
"Claire, I want to talk to you about something and I want you to hear me out before you react," I say and she looks over.
"I don't like the sound of this," she says.
"When Ann and Nathan talked Ann brought up the idea of you seeing a psychiatrist, do you know what that is?" Her eyes roll and she scoots away from me.
"I'm not fucking crazy, I don't need medication," Claire says. Okay well that answers that question.
"I never said you were crazy, Claire. People who are on medication for anxiety or depression are not crazy," I say calmly.
"You have had a lot of change in the past two years. More change than anyone should have. Your brain is trying to process all of these emotions and changes. This can lead to a chemical imbalance in your brain. Something that you, me, hell nobody can control. This medicine isn't to change your behavior or change your thinking, but it is to help balance out your mood. I know you said you have felt so unhappy all the time and don't know why. Medication could help with that," I say and she has tears rolling down her face but she angrily swipes them away.
"This is stupid," she says and tries to grab her phone. I take her phone and set it aside.
"Tell me why this is stupid," I say.
"Because you guys are trying to parent me and I don't need it. I raised myself; my brother didn't want me, and neither did my aunt. I can take care of myself," she says.
"I know you can take care of yourself, but I don't want you to have to. Nobody should have to go through the hardships that life throws alone," I say.
"I'm not a pity project," she says and I nod.
"I don't pity you. Not even one bit, actually," I say. "But I do love you." I say. "I love you enough to tell you that you shouldn't have to live this way. I love you enough to tell you that medication could really help your state of mind and is nothing to be embarrassed about," I say and she nods. I watch as tears roll out of her eyes.
"Okay," she says. I am surprised to hear that, but I will take it.
"Can you please take a bite of your dinner?" I ask and she leans over and takes a bite.
"Thanks sis," I say and she nods.
"What can I do to support you right now?" I ask.
"I just need to rest, tell Nathan I am sorry for being an ass," she says and I laugh. I kiss her head and head downstairs.
Nathan is in our room reading when I walk in. I climb into bed and lay my head on his chest. He wraps his arm around me and kisses my head. "How was she," he asks.
"Well we need to find a psychiatrist, and she is worried about William cheating on her, but she said to tell you she is sorry for being an ass," I say and he laughs.
"I'll take it," he says and I laugh.
"Are you tired? He asks and I shake my head no. He puts his book down and leans down to kiss me. I put my hands on his cheeks and roll on top of him. His hands find my butt.
We continue to kiss til he flips us over and takes my pants off. When he slips inside of me, my back arches off the bed. "Fuck," I moan.
Nathan keeps going as we kiss. He puts his hand between us and pleasures me as he thrusts inside of me. "You feel so good," he moans and I nod.
"Hold on," he says and starts to go faster. I lose myself and he comes to the sound of it.
"It just keeps getting better," Nathan says and I smile. It really does.
The next morning I wake up to Nathan in the shower and Sawyer in the bassinet. She only woke up once last night which was a miracle. She is hungry now, so I whip out a boob and pick her up. She nurses as Nathan comes out in a towel.
"Morning," Nathan says and kisses me.
"Hi Miss Sawyer Bug," he says and kisses her head too. She gets the biggest smile as she sees Nathan.
Nathan's phone rings and he answers it. His face turns white. "What?" he asks the person.
"What?" I ask. Panic fills me.
"Nana Moore passed," he says and my heart drops to the floor. I start to cry.