CHAPTER 4
Fast Car – Tracy Chapman
The further she got from the house, the more she doubted herself.
They will find me. They'll order me back.
I can't do this. I'll fail, and I'll never hear the end of it.
And didn't the Volturi have a tracker?
That stopped her cold. All of a sudden, the forest seemed menacing. They could be hiding out there right now, ready to grab her, take her to Italy. They'll make her a slave, and use her against the wolves.
No one will ever find you.
She spun around, stumbling.
I will never let anyone find you.
Her grandmother's voice, but Leah knew deep down that it wasn't her.
My sweet girl.
Leah let out a frightened scream.
She was hearing voices. She'd gone insane.
Worse, if she isn't.
I can give you all the answers you're looking for. Let me stay. Don't make me go. I waited so long for you.
Leah hesitated. She'd watched enough horror movies to know that deals with supernatural creatures is always a bad idea.
But answers to her questions…
She had a notebook in her backpack with her notes. What little spare time she had, she spent at the library, taking down legends about shapeshifters from other Native tribes and from all over the world.
She had questions about imprinting. Whether she was the only she-wolf. Her fertility. Other shapeshifters. Other supernaturals.
And why me?
She answers the voice. Not fully knowing or understanding what she was agreeing to.
"Yes."
She walked to Seattle. It took hours, but she made it.
She checked into a sketchy, cheap motel. She paid in cash for two nights. The guy didn't even ask for an ID.
She took a quick shower and started calling off-campus housing. There's few that she can afford. She'll have roommates. No losing her temper. No accidentally pulling off doorknobs. She'll make it work. She has to. She'll live in a shelter if she has to.
She dressed as neatly as she can for the meeting on the one reply she got. Not easy since she has exactly two pairs of jeans and two t-shirts. But she at least remembered to pack a jacket. Humans would be cold in this weather.
The woman who ran the place was not much older than her, maybe mid-twenties. Ashley. With pretty makeup and a neat blonde ponytail.
Leah tried to see herself through Ashley's eyes. She must look suspicious. One backpack. Light jacket. Pained, forced smile.
"I have a difficult home situation… that's why I needed a place to move into so quickly. Even though I don't start at UW until September. I figured I'll take the time to get to know my way around the city. Get an apartment. Get a job."
Ashley clucked sympathetically, "Yes, I know. I heard that domestic violence and alcoholism are rampant in the tribes. You know I fight a lot with my mom, too. So, I can relate. Not exactly the same, I know. But I get it."
Leah gritted her teeth and didn't say anything. She hoped her face stayed neutral, too.
"So you don't have a job yet?"
"No… not yet… but I have a few interviews lined up. It's just that I got your reply for this room, before any of them." Leah lied.
Further proof that Leah's life was a constantly turning wheel, up then down in an instant, she got the room only to be told that she will need to enroll in at least one college class, and pay two months worth of rent in advance as well as the deposit since she didn't have a job yet.
"You can give it to me in a couple of days."
How magnanimous. Now, Leah had to come up with the money and pay for two more nights at the motel. But she just smiled and nodded, said thank you like Ashley was the nicest person in the world.
It sucked how the Cullens and billionaires were rolling in dough while hard working people are having trouble putting a roof over their heads and food on the table. Vampires don't even buy their food.
She knew what she had to do, she just didn't want to do it. She had brought her grandmother's ring with her. It was Leah's most important memento. Grandma Julia wore it everyday.
But it was also the only valuable thing that Leah had other than her years-old, bought-secondhand-when-she-was-a-sophomore laptop.
She pulled out her phone and searched for pawn shops. She wasn't going to turn back. And not everyone had the sheer luck to have everything work out in their favor. Most people need to swallow whatever bitter pill life served up to them and make tough choices. Make sacrifices. Not everyone gets to be Bella Swan.
She paid the downpayment and the advance rent. She got jobs, two or three at a time, in fact. Menial jobs. Housekeeping, dishwashing, really anything that would pay the bills. She worked days and nights. Figured out that wolves heal everything quickly, including lack of sleep.
She enrolled in a photography class at the community college. Just enough units to get the student housing. That was when things began to turn in her favor. Her photography instructor encouraged the class, and her especially, to enter a contest. Using the borrowed camera from the school, she decided to give it a try. She won $1,000.
She tried it again, and won $500. She kept trying. By summer, when she had enough money, she debated if it should go towards tuition, rent, her own camera equipment, or her grandmother's ring. She'd sacrificed enough that she felt like she owed herself something that she wanted rather than being practical. She went to get her grandmother's ring back, but was heartbroken when the pawnshop owner told her it had been sold.
When she stopped crying, she picked herself up and bought her own camera.
She kept taking pictures. Walking for hours with her camera. Sometimes cheating and using her wolf abilities to take pictures regular humans can't. Like high above the city, in angles a drone can't take. The mystery of how she was taking these pictures caused some noise in the niche photography world.
She took photos of things that touched her. Like marginalized communities, invisible and unwanted outsiders in the city. She related to their loneliness, their wariness, their constant and ever-present anxiety. It showed in her work. Her series won awards. It's been years, but Leah's name was in the local papers again for her accomplishments. At least, L.J. Clearwater was. A small bit of anonymity.
Fall came, and she found herself a double major at the University. Biology and Visual Arts. She took an overload of units, not exactly sure how she convinced her counselor that she can do it. She continued working menial jobs. Award winning photography paid, but not enough. She took up bartending as soon as she turned twenty-one. Bartending was good to her. She found the job easy, and the fact that she was pretty finally paid off in the form of tips. At least, she made ends meet with a bit more for things she wanted.
She picked up charcoal and painting again. First as part of her classes, then on her own. She painted with the bold strokes of someone who was going through a lot of strong emotions but couldn't put them in words. Portraits of people who wouldn't otherwise be painted, transients, migrant day workers, nannies, custodians, set against a backdrop of a beautiful, opulent city. She won a couple of awards for those, too. Whenever she had a few bucks left at the end of the month, she donated to the shelter, to give back to the people that served as unwitting models and inspiration.
At the end of the winter semester, she noticed that she hadn't phased or heard the strange voice for nearly a year.
But her period had not returned.
And no one from back home had come looking for her. Part of her was glad that she was away. Part of her was sad and hurt. She thought of Seth who would be completing his first year of high school, and how she wasn't there to greet him when he came home with a snack.
She missed Mother's Day without greeting her mom. She let Seth's birthday pass, too. He must be so hurt and mad.
Or maybe they were glad. Leah left believing they were better off without her. Part of her was afraid that she was right.
In the spring, L.J. Clearwater's name was in an online article about Native artists. She gave minimal answers to the interview questions, and refused to be photographed except for one with the sun streaming through a window behind her, shadowing her face.
She tried yoga. Hated it. Tried pilates. Hated that, too. But she discovered martial arts. She really liked that. Maybe it was just her personality, all or nothing. She either went overboard with loving something or swung the opposite direction of completely loathing it.
In any case, martial arts taught her more about self-control than anything else. She can't hit too hard, or she'll break the punching bag along with the wall behind it. She had to learn how to hold back just enough, and finally learned to measure her strength and speed. She was very, very careful not to hurt her sparring partners. Control that required more focus than she had ever exhibited before. And boy, was that good for her temper. She tried different styles, loving the straightforward attacks of muay thai, the creative kicks of tae kwon do, the different ways to break holds in jiu-jitsu, and the spirituality of kung fu.
She took ballet lessons again, and discovered ballroom. She loved the waltz, rumba, fox trot and the fast-paced Latin dances. She especially loved the tango. She would dance at the studio more often, if only she didn't tower over the men.
She took language classes at the university, and began to dream of travelling again.
Her first year of university ended. She felt like a success. If her 4.0 GPA was anything to go by, she was. She was starting to have a social life, clubbing with friends from school and her roommates. She didn't have very many nights off from work, but when she did, she danced. Or sang. With others at karaoke or by herself at a jam session. Seattle had a lot to offer in terms of entertainment. Museums, galleries, there was no shortage.
She became friendly but not friends with Ashley, who wasn't so bad after all. She was one of those who mean well, but grew up in a rich bubble that she couldn't really see how her words or actions affected others. The house that Leah was renting a room from was owned by Ashley's parents. Their rent go to Ashley, to spend as she wished, so long as she stayed in school. Leah even understood why she was asked for advance rent. A roommate left in the middle of the night because her boyfriend was moving to Arizona. Another girl dropped out of school because she wanted to explore life or be an influencer or whatever. Leah would remind herself that she was not in the same privileged position.
She started dating. Nothing serious. A few wanted more, but she shied away. Mostly because of her past with Sam. Not because she was still pining for him, but because she had jumped headfirst, pouring her entire self into that relationship that when it ended she felt empty. She was young, and wanted to figure out what she wanted first before jumping in again.
Things were going great.
Figured it wouldn't last.